Emotional Sobriety – Part 3 – Mark H. – FOTSNY – 2001

go. Good evening, everybody. I'm Mark. I'm an alcoholic. We've got about a half hour to go, and I want to move on to the second step, which is we're going to get presented with the idea of a solution to what we looked at in the first step, our experience, if you will. I've always found it quite humorous when alcoholics are asked to talk about God although it's somewhat appropriate because we've gone through life thinking we're God, so I guess it's only natural we talk about God. They asked Thomas Merton one time to talk about God, and he said something that I completely agree with. He said that when we ask about God, silence makes more sense than words, yet words are all we have to work with here yet this evening. And the longer I'm sober, Bart and I were talking last night. See, I don't understand God. I know God, but I do not understand God. God is so far beyond anything that I can even begin to wrap my mind around it, if you will. I came to AA. I'd been raised a Methodist, and I had met a lady who said, if you want what I have, you have to become a Roman Catholic. And I said, that's not a problem when I want something. And so I spent a year of instructions and became one. And that's how that goes for people like us, right? Of course, if you're like me, God can take our selfish, self-centered motive and use it to his own benefit. So I had a lot of beliefs. I had a lot of systems, if you will, about God. And then I guess through life and alcoholism and time in Vietnam and whatever, I suppose more than anything else, I was ambivalent. Although at various times, you find yourself talking to this God supposedly that you maybe don't even believe in. And so I came to AA with a lot of misconceptions. And in We Agnostics, it finally uses the word prejudice six, seven, eight times. Prejudice means preconceived thought or opinion. So I would ask, I would beg of all you to maybe lay aside what you think you know of God as you listen to Dave and I talk a little bit about the second step. And that becomes difficult to do, which is why we like to use that prayer. Because see, the minute I put God in a box, I can't know any more, nor will I experience any more about that. And so you come to the second step in which you begin to understand is that you need power. And the book talks about, well, that's the whole purpose of this book. The main object of this book is to enable you to find a power which will solve your problem. That's a real important thing to remember here. See, the organ that brought you to AA, your mind, is not the organ you go into for a solution. Do you understand what I just said? The mind that brought you to AA is not where you go for a solution to your alcoholism, and drinking, and life in general. The main problem does center in your mind. When I look back at my first 10 years in AA, and some of you might be able to relate to this, I had truly made my mind God and did not know that. I truly did that in hindsight. But I was asleep to the fact. Matter of fact, I've been asleep dreaming I'm awake most of my life. Going through life, doing a lot of work, having a heart attack, going through life, going through when you're having a heart attack, and you're not feeling well, and driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, thinking I'm making choices. You do not go through life making choices if you're sound asleep, being driven with a mind-made false sense of self. You think you're God. And when I look back in my first ten years, I think the Bible talks about there should be no gods before me, and I had put one before God, which was my mind, my mind's idea of God. So you come to this second step, and the idea is do you need power? And the book begs, just begs finally, please lay aside what you think you know. Now here's another reason why you might consider doing that. I think the carpenter gave you and I a great tool, a litmus test, if you will, to this thing about God and knowing God. And what the carpenter talked about was the fruit of your life. And that is always a great barometer for me in relationship to this experience with God and conscious contact. As I sit and I look at the fruit of my life, and if the tree is somewhat barren, that's a great time to be willing to lay aside what you think you know to have an open mind, a new experience with God, maybe as you don't understand God. I tell you why I quit saying that. In 1997 or 98, I came out of a meditation and I do, I call it free flow writing for periods of time. I just write whatever comes up. And what rolled off my pen is, why do you keep telling people you understand me? Who do you think you are? And that is not normally something Mark would have written. And normally when I'm posed with a question, I sit with it for a while. Because, see, the ego uses an answer to bypass truth, to bypass experience. Well, I didn't have to sit with that very long, so I quit telling people I understand God, because I don't. I have experienced God and that experience is very difficult to even put any words, and I know God. Beyond that, I cannot comprehend, nor do I understand God. But back to this second step. And then, what do I do? What do you do around the issue of God when you've gone for years without a drink? And when you have felt so loved by God that you weep like a baby? And you have... experience. God, what do you do at the second step? It's one thing when you're brand new. And what I like to do with the second step at that time is realizing my need for power. It poses me with a question, you know, am I willing to believe there's a power greater than myself? And I like to tag something on that who can take me past here, right? Past this block of knowledge and experience and memories. See, just as my body can't live off the food of a week ago, what the experience I had with God a week ago is insufficient to keep me in fit spiritual condition today. See? So that's a question I like to work with as I approach the second step is, am I willing to believe there's a power greater than myself who can take me past here? See, there are other dimensions that I know nothing about. I was talking to a gentleman, Joe, outside who had a similar experience to mine with the exception of he drank. I just almost went insane and committed suicide. And he said something that was also my experience. He said, you know, Mark, I really didn't know God in those 10 years. And he said, I know that now because today I know God. But he said, because I'd been able to accomplish so much. And a bell went off when he said that. See, the things that I thought I could accomplish on my power were the things today that are of no value to me, that I used to think were of value to me, i.e. earning my own money. And I said, a home, a car, whatever. And self-reliance in those areas had worked for me in my first 10 years of sobriety, if you will. All the things today that I want to accomplish, I cannot do on my power. See, I want to be able to love. I want to be free of judgment. I want to serve my brother and sister. I want to have compassion in my heart for people who are asleep, dreaming they're awake. I have no power on my own to bring any of that aback. Everything today, that I value, I cannot bring about because my selfishness is the exact opposite of the very things that I value today. And so I, like he, had a very similar experience, which is why I'm back to, like I said, my first 10 years, my mind was God. I worshiped my mind and didn't even know it. See, one of the greatest barriers I had to God was telling you that I believed in God. Do you understand what I just said? See, if I tell you that I believe in God, I actually think I do. If you want to know where you're at in relationship to God, go back to the question Dave posed, and that is this. How well do you know God? How much time do you spend with God? Remember I told you, if you want to know what your belief systems are, look at your actions. And at 10 years, my answers to those questions were very little time, doing nothing with meditation, wing a few prayers, in the shower, on the way to work. And then I'd go to a meeting and lie to you, and you'd ask me what's the most important thing in my life. See, the example is, let's say that those of you have children. If the time that you spend with God is all the time you spent with your children, would they feel loved? Move on to the next question. And so, you know, that becomes really the litmus test, and where am I at with this God? And after my experience at 10 years, at, I had a 20-year history with alcohol. God separated me from alcohol. I had 10 years of not taking a drink, doing some work, et cetera, and then almost committing suicide. And what I came to know through that experience is there were two deaths that I had to die. I had to die an alcoholic death, meaning there must be no reservation or looking notion any day I'll be immune. The second death is, are you willing to die the death of self? Before you and I make our third step decision, the book says, with God's help, I can be in touch with God. I can be in touch with God. I can be entirely rid of self. Was I willing to do that? And there's normally only one thing that, and this is what most of you who are in this room, because most of you have some time. This is the death you've got to be willing to go through. Am I willing to die the death of self, of selfishness? And I only know one way to do that, and that's steps four through nine, four through nine, four through nine, then work with the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. I know of no other way to do it. I'm sure there are. I just don't, I just don't know of them. And when I was sitting in that nut house, that psychiatric hospital, I drew a line in the sand. And here's what the line in the sand was, is I said, from this day on, I am going to do this thing. And the reason is because at that time, I am 44 years old. I've been on Mother Earth for 44 years. I was as miserable as any human being could ever be. I had a life of 20 years drinking and 10 years sober, and I'm still so miserable, I can't even begin to describe it. And I realized that the only thing I had never been willing to do was draw a line in the sand and put God first and foremost in my life through a course of action. And I have been doing that since then, and I can't even begin to tell you the changes that have taken place in my life. I can't even begin to tell you. I don't know what it is about us, and this may make some of you a little uncomfortable, but I, by the way, the big book says that if David and I disturb you about the question of alcoholism, you're supposed to thank us for your benefit. But every alcoholic, addict that I have ever met, I believe, has such a deep spiritual thirst to know God at a deep, deep level that a lot of other people don't need. And my experience is, if you don't answer that call, you are never going to be satisfied with whatever your external world looks like. I don't care how much money you have, and how many cars you have, and whether he or her, or it is in your life. If you're like every alcoholic I know, God must come first and foremost in your life. I guess the carpenter said it another way, seek ye first the kingdom, I will add the rest unto you. Do not get that in any other order but that. And I guess I must have realized that at 10 years, which is why I do the line in the sand, and there were several statements I made at the same time around the second step. Number one, I said, God, my life is no longer my business. I have tried to make it my business. I'm drunk or sober, and here's where I am, in a padded cell in a nuthouse. And I said, I quit. I'm done. I will go anywhere you want. I will do anything you want. I will live the way you want me to live. I quit. I have resigned from the human race. I just am not doing well here. And really, in hindsight, at 10 years sober is when I made my third step decision and followed through with a vigorous course of action. I've been doing that ever since. And I'll tell you why I did it. Because sober the way I was living wasn't working. There's no other reason. See? There isn't anyone in this room that ever came to the work as little sunbeams for God. See? You know, we come to this because we've tried everything else. Sober. You know, we've tried just meetings, and we've tried some inventory, and we've tried a few amends, and we've tried this, and we've tried that. And finally, none of it works. And if there's enough grace in there, we hear some guy talking about the book over and over again. And we've tried this, and we've tried that. And finally, none of it works. And he looks like he's got power and peace. And we very begrudgingly go up and talk to him for just a little. We don't want to ask him to work with us quite yet. That'd be radical. But that's how men and women in this room come to this thing, right? It just didn't work anymore sober. And so I'm back to this God issue and back to the second step. Because this is my experience with God. And this is from Emmett Fox. But if you go to the ocean with a thin wind, you're going to get a lot of water. And if you go to the ocean with a thin wind, you're going to get a lot of water. And if you go to the ocean with a thin wind, you're going to get a lot of water. And if you go to the ocean with a thin wind, you get a thimble full of water. How much of God do you want? You've got to understand how much God loves you and I. Based on my experience with God, if I don't want to take any course of action to seek God, he does not love me less. I just will know him less. He loves me so much that he will allow me to do that. Yet at the same time, when I begin to seek a course of action, and the big book says, there was a time I needed and wanted God, and God came. But soon the sense of his presence was blotted out by worldly clamor, mostly within myself. And so it has been ever since. My experience with God is that when through a course of action, my actions say so clearly, Father, I want to know thee. You know, God, I want to know thee. His grace, his love will match that intent in that course of action. That has been my experience around this second step. So laying aside prejudice and saying, maybe there's just so much of God that I do not even know. Because you must understand, this book says that if you and I do this work, God's going to demonstrate through us what God can do. You see, I didn't know this for the longest time, but the work of the first nine steps is just designed so that I can be a channel, an agent, if you will, for God, for God to manifest through me. See, I have no power to do what I'm doing right this minute. Here's the good news for me. I'm not doing it. It's being done through me. There's a little story. Little boy's sneezing. Mama says, Johnny, stop sneezing. He says, Mom, I can't. It is sneezing me. Well, it is sneezing me as I sit here right now doing this. I do nothing. People ask me all the time, well, how did your talk go? And I say, I don't know. I wasn't there. And that is the truth of it. You see, I'm trying to make you understand how my experience with God has changed my life. God works, of God coming through. I never have any fear when I'm asked to do any of this because I'm not going to be the one that's going to be talking to you. You see, there's nothing but oneness. There's only the illusion of separation. So when I come to this, I'm very clear what God ultimately will use me for is, Mark, make your fellow brothers and sisters understand how much I love them. Get them excited about a course of action to get rid of this idea of anything that separates, this false sense of separation. Mark 1, verse 4, it says, I have a sense of self. Talk to them about me. Talk to them about how you came to know me. I mean, the third step, what does it say? It says, Dave and I are to bear witness to you of God's power, God's love, God's way of life. So the second step then is about opening up to this idea of laying aside prejudice. And maybe there's so much more of God that I do not know and I do not understand, but I have an intent and a willingness to experience God in that way. And then a little further on in the agnostics, it talks about, faced with a self-imposed crisis. Self-imposed, you don't think they meant self-imposed, right? See, the big book is kind of nasty. Starting around the second step, they really start turning a spotlight on us, see? And that self-imposed crisis is, I need God. I need to know God. And it says, I've got to choose. God is either everything or he's nothing, see? See, I know exactly what it looks like to choose for alcohol to be everything in my life. And so do you. If all of us in this room gave God one half the attention, energy, and focus we gave a bottle of whiskey, we'd be saints. You understand? See what I'm saying? See, we're the smartest, dumbest group of people on the planet. See, it's like Dave is talking about dying an alcoholic death and we're the kind that would say, well, can you elaborate a little on that? See? I mean, I've been talking to several of you, right? You know, it's, well, I've been to the penitentiary, and we talk about all this. And then we present to you that you'll come to know God if you work the first nine steps and work with 10 and 11. You go, well, that sounds a little bit radical, don't you think? You understand what I'm saying? I mean, that's delusional. See, delusional is a belief system held in spite of evidence to the contrary, see? And it's only through grace that we begin to, I think, get an idea of maybe there's a different way. But I have to choose that God's everything in my life. And what does that look and feel like? It means God's everything. It means every single part of anything that I think I know and where I'm going to live and everything in my life, I'm going to choose that God's going to be at the center of it all. See? And that becomes a choice that you have to make in the second step. And you do have to make that choice. See? And then it goes on in those last two or three sentences in We Agnostics are so, so powerful that it's funny, the longer you're sober, you read these things that just jump out at you that you didn't see for so long. But these are incredible promises. And I want to read those. And I'll let Dave talk for a little bit on the second step. But you talk about what is this, but this is on page 57. What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet this elements of healing are simple. Circumstances, step one, drunk or sober. I'm not doing well here. Made me willing to believe. I humbly offer myself to my maker and then I knew. Says even so as God restored us all to our right minds. See? To this man the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. Now look at these next two sentences. What incredible promises. But he, God has come to all who've honestly sought God. Think of how much God loves you if through a course of action you let God love you. That course of action is such that you are telling God that you don't need God. God loves you so much he will leave you alone. See? But if you honestly seek God, then here's what happens. When I draw near to God, God will disclose himself to me. I mean, what a role model for love. See? I was talking with Bart earlier today. Today, the people in my life that ask me to work with them, I only go where I'm invited. See? I only go where I'm invited. Just like God. There's a little story that sums the God up thing for me and it's funny. It's getting harder and harder for me to talk about God because I guess it's much like Dave said. God is love. God's power is love and I mean you, you either have experienced or you haven't experience. And it's so hard to work with in words but, there's a story of, imagine that, imagine that you're gold fish and you're nude AAA, and you're swimming in water, and imagine the water is God. And so, Dave and I swim by and you're a couple of new guys and we turn and we say, isn't the water great? Yeah, but you're. Now you're slick and cool, and you don't care if there's blood throughout yourself. But you're the person who's the most important thing in your life. You're the person who's the most important thing in your life. You're the person who's the most important thing in your life. don't even know you're swimming in water so you say yeah it's great dave and mark swim by and you turn to your buddy and say what the hell is he talking about we got to go find the water well that's that's where that's the deal with god god is closer to you than breathing and you don't have to go anywhere see i'm no closer to god than the day i came into aa i took a course of action and then i became awake aware mindful and conscious of that which has always been present within me and without and that is the love and the power of god in my life that's what this program is about when i've honestly sought god god will disclose himself to me and my experience is god will determine how to disclose himself to me or herself or it's so hard for me to use any kinds of words i was asked a good question the other day of uh what is your concept and i guess all i can um And I'll close mine with, I am is my concept. That is the sum and the totality of I am. When Dave read the experience of the fourth dimension, I want to tell every one of you in the 10th step, when it says you've entered the world of the spirit, that is as real as anything that there is. Do not miss that. Do not miss, I drive down the road sometimes and I have, I call them God love attacks and I'll be driving down the road and my heart starts to swell and I start weeping and that's not crying. There's a difference between weeping and crying and I start weeping so bad. I have to pull my car off to the side and that's why I think I'm sitting up here and that's why Dave's up here is, is I see the sadness and suffering and alcoholics who are sober, let alone drinking. And I so want them to know how much they're loved. See God's grace falls equally in everyone in this room and God ain't got no favorites and he's given this incredible beautiful path to follow where you can feel that, that, that hand of God in that way. And you'll know from now till the day you leave this body that all is well, that all is well, regardless of how it looks, see that all is well. And you can begin to, to, to love and, and, and to serve in. And I was recently asked a question about, you know, how often you go to church. And I said, when am I not in church? You see me? When am I not experiencing God? Do I practice? Yes. But when are you not in church? I wouldn't want anyone in here not to experience what it's like to weep because every cell of your body is being overwhelmed with the love of the father, the love of that which created you. And, and to understand what an incredible precious thing this thing called life is and what a gift it is. And then to be able to turn around and say to someone else, Hey, do you want to wake up? Do you want to wake up to realize you're swimming in water that is closer than breathing that it's never not around and it's in New York and it's in Texas and you, and do you know you don't have to go anywhere and you don't have to change anything and you don't, would you like, you know, would you like to do that? See, but waking up, it's uncomfortable, right? See, waking up, it's uncomfortable. Thanks. That's all I got. Thanks, Mark. The God that Mark was talking about, that little kid that I was describing, you know, when all little kids, he, I love to watch nature and I love particularly to watch children and I love to watch people. I'm a people watcher. I'm watching people in here tonight when Mark's talking, I'm looking around the room, I'm watching and if you watch people, watch kids, it's almost a universal reaction. We smile. Why is that? If you watch children, what do they do? They love unconditionally. That love is still inside of each and every one of us. According to this book, it resides deep down within us and only there is that where we can, it can be found. They knew when the alcoholics wrote this book with the help of, God, because I don't think any human being could have written this book. They knew that God resided in us. So what Mark said is true. When you're drinking alcohol, you are just as close to God as you are sitting in this chair, however long you're sober. The only difference is hopefully sitting in this chair, you're awake to the fact that the presence of God is inside you. The problem with us is our ego is also with us and the reason that geographic cures don't work. As we run off to Eastern California, Eastern Slobobia, guess what? Our ego went with us to Eastern Slobobia. But if your presence and you understand the concept and you have a conscious contact with that which is inside of you, which is truly your essence, what really makes you up and in the real core of what you are, when you go to Eastern Slobobia, guess what? God goes with you too. That's the cool deal, right? I don't use AA as a filling station. I've gone. I've used AA for literally months, no exaggeration, without going to an AA meeting. Not because I wanted to. Because in the military, I'd get sent off and there wasn't any AA meetings. But I wasn't sitting around going, oh, what am I going to do? I can't get to my home group. I can't call my sponsor. No. I took a big book with me. I took a 12 and 12. You know, I'm embarrassed to say that I was 10 years sober before I realized that the grapevine on the cover says, our meeting in print. It's a meeting. Throw it in your bag. It's got everything you need. It brings you joy. It brings you joy. It brings you joy. It brings you joy. It brings you joy. And it's a meeting. Throw it in your bag. It's got everything you need. A preamble, 12 steps, 12 traditions, serenity prayer, and great speaker stories in there. It's a wonderful meeting. But the most important deal is, remember the we. I got God. If I don't have this we, I always got this we. For the rest of my life, for the rest of eternity, is my belief. That's the essence of step two. Now, we don't have enough time to go over it tonight. I know there's a lot of people that have to drive home, so I'm going to try to be respectful of that. But we'll cover some more information tomorrow. This is a great textbook. The cover of the big book says that it's our basic text. And if it's a good textbook, it gives us test questions. Kind of like the questions, the wrap-up questions I asked you from step one. Well, they're going to tell you how and where to find God. They're going to tell us four things to commence spiritual growth. It's in the notes. All right? Then they're going to give us the three barriers that you need. They can block us off from spiritual growth. Prejudice and obstinacy, you know, that mule-headedness, the defiance that alcoholics have. And then it gives us what I call four things for long-term spiritual growth. If you go to the guide on page four, it says four step two requirements to get the second step promises and for long-term sobriety. Now, the second step promises were what Mark was reading, or some of the second step promises. By the way, this book is full of promises in being anal that I am. One time I sat down at the computer and I wrote them all out. And I stopped counting at 225 and I just kept writing because it was just too much to keep numbering the damn things. And this book is just loaded with promises. And you know what? I'm still seeing more and more promises today. They keep changing. I don't know who keeps rewriting the book, but the promises keep coming. All right? It says, leave aside the drink question. Tell why living was so unsatisfactory. Show how the change came over you and share why the presence of God is today the most important fact of your life. You notice what I put in parentheses. That's me talking. We say it before every speaker meeting. Share what it was like, share what happened, and share what it's like now. Right? Let's all go to the big book, page 29, 29 colon 2. How many of you in this room have been up at a speaker's meeting and the guy gets up there and he does however long, 15 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour and a half, drunk-a-log, drunk-a-log, drunk-a-log, drunk-a-log. And then I came to AA and he sits down. And everything's great. Thanks for letting me share. And all I did was dump drunk-a-log on you. And you kind of go, ah, what's next? You want something different. Look what this says. This is how we're supposed to be sharing our stories. Each individual in the personal stories describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. I'm supposed to be getting up there and telling you enough of my drunk-a-log so you know I'm a real alcoholic just to hook you. And then I'm supposed to tell you how I found my way to God. When I tell my story, you heard me, basically what I shared today was about as much of my story as I share. And then I start talking about what I'm currently doing in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and how I'm working with God today. And when you get done sharing like that and you give him half the common peril and half the common solution, people are just like, whoa. During the break, people were coming up to me saying, wow, you guys are really good. And I looked at them and I said, it ain't me. If I knew that I was going to come up here and cry in front of a couple hundred people, you would have a different speaker here. You know, that doesn't, Joe Hollywood does not like that. I don't like to, my ego really does not do well with that. It's not me. It's God. In the same way that the person who did what you did when you were drinking and drugging or even in sobriety, when you're spiritually sick and you're unconscious to your behavior, we are not bad people trying to get good. We're sick people trying to get well. The true essence is still there. The kernel in the golf ball is still there. Whether you can see it or not, the love is still inside your heart. Mark talked about giving God everything or giving him nothing. I love the Emmet Fox thing about the thimble. There's another parable and it comes from the Orientals. And I heard it with, there's a book called Zen in the Martial Arts and I've been studying the martial arts and the student comes to the master and he wants to learn from this new master and so he says, I've been studying for all these years but I want to learn from the best of the best and I know about how to do this and I know how to do that and I know how to do the other thing and the master says, stop. Let's have a cup of tea. And so the master says, why don't you pour the tea and stop when I tell you to. And the guy starts pouring the tea and the cup gets full and it's getting full and it's getting fuller and fuller and fuller. And the tea starts pouring out and the tea's pouring all over the floor and it's running down the table and it's running all over the floor and finally the guy goes, what are you doing? And it's the exact opposite of the parable that Mark shared. If you're so full of knowledge and information, where are we gonna put anything new? Your vessel's already full. When it's time to rewrite inventory, guess what? Your vessel's already full. Your ego has rebuilt. Second step proposition is an opportunity to tear down and build again on the firm bedrock of step one, which is the foundation of willingness. You have to be willing to go through this process. And us talking until we're blue in the face will do you absolutely no good. I could impart all my knowledge to you. Hell, I got it all on compact disc. You want all this stuff? I'll cut you a compact disc of it. And you know what? It's gonna do you squat. Not a damn thing unless you take the actions. First you have to accept, and this works for anything, you must accept then you must take action and then comes the serenity and the peace of mind. It has to be in that order. You have to accept that you're powerless over alcohol, slapped with the hopelessness. Then you have to take action. Remember I told you I was big on homework. What I'd like each and every person to do tonight is take the second step proposition. If God is everything or he's nothing, what is your choice to be? If God is everything, do you think they really meant that? Everything? Well, if he's everything, guess what? That means you gotta give God everything. You don't get to keep anything, nothing, absolutely nothing. So use what I call the tornado exercise. When you're doing your meditation, either tonight or tomorrow morning, sit down and start to spiral the tornado. And who's the tornado that's gonna hit the people closest to you? Your husband, your wife, your kids, your roommates, your family, your mom, your dad, and just spiral the tornado out. Look at every single person, every single relationship in your life, and look at your job, look at your physical health, your mental health, your 12 steps, your conscious contact with God, and ask yourself two questions. What have I not given to God, or what have I been unwilling to give to God at this point? What am I not willing to give him, or what have I not given him? In other words, what have you taken back? And write that stuff out. And don't worry if you don't, there's a whole bunch of pages from five on, is a second step proposition exercise. Write out and look at your agnosticism. We all walked in the doors of AA and said, you know what, I just want God to get me out of the gutter and get me sober. That's all I want. And at the time, we meant it. That's all we wanted, just give me sobriety. Well, guess what? God's got your good sobriety right now. Whatever you got, it's all you got, so you better say it's good sobriety. But do you believe that however good your sobriety is now, you're not in the gutter anymore. Can he take you even further? As good as my sobriety is, I have to believe that God can take me, because he's God. He's everything, right? He's all powerful. So look at what you're holding on to. That new business that you don't want to give to God, that new relationship, your finances. You know, I'll give God my sobriety, I'll give him my spirituality, but I'm gonna, this is my job and my career over here. Or is it a relationship? What is it that you're holding on to? Because you don't get to hold on to anything. You have to give God everything. And we'll work with that more tomorrow. Lastly, and I'm gonna shut up, and we can all go home. We talked a little bit in here about making you guys uncomfortable. This is not a game. This is life and death. And when I work with somebody, I treat them like I have their life in my hands, because I do. Literally. I've gone in, and Mark and I, we have gone in to the depths of your soul, and we've opened, started to open the box. Be very conscious of that. When you leave here tonight, we've touched things, and as hard as you didn't want us to touch them, trust me, we touched things. So don't be surprised if tonight you have drunk dreams. Don't be surprised if you have bizarre dreams. You know, murdering people and stuff. Let it be. All, I'm serious. All it is, is that I've gone in, and I've touched some of the webbing that's on top of your head. I've touched some of the webbing that's on top of your golf ball. We've touched some of that webbing. The kernel in there is trying to get out, but it has to get out through all that negative stuff. Remember that God is going to keep us safe and protected. And the last thing I'm going to do tonight is say a prayer. But keep conscious of that. Your reliance is not on us. It's on God. And we need to be connected to God. God will keep us safe and protected. All right? Be where your feet are. If you're in the car, be in the car. If you're at home, be at home. Don't worry about it. Whatever happens between now and tomorrow when you guys come back here, realize that God is with you. Because we talked about it tonight. No matter where you go, God is deep down in each and every one of us. And your reliance has to be there. So let's start with that as our exercise. Let's write out, each of us. I'm going to go home and do it tonight in the hotel. I'm going to go write out the areas that I've been unwilling to give to God or I have not given to God. That's it. That's the end of that exercise. In the morning, when you're in your meditation, if you want to have a change, and it's a challenge, I'm throwing the gauntlet down, pray for the stuff on page 16, the bold letters. Ask God to bring that into your life. And in three days, I guarantee you will be a changed person. You'll start to feel that child coming out inside of you. Since I brought us in with prayer, why don't you take us out with prayer? Okay. I think I'll take us out. I've been... One of the practices I've been working... How many of you have seen the little prayer book of Jabez? Some of you have seen that? The prayer of Jabez? Okay. Well, I'm going to... I'll close with this... I'll close with this prayer, but I'm going to paraphrase probably a little bit. The prayer is, O Heavenly Father, we ask that you bless us indeed and that you enlarge our territory. And Heavenly Father, we ask that your hand always be with us and that you keep us from evil so that we cause no pain. As we go out our ways tonight, Father, we ask keep you ever close to our heart. Keep us safe and protected and then give us the strength and courage to come back tomorrow to experience more of you. Amen. What time tomorrow? You want to do a couple of announcements here? Why did you have the dream? If you're having a dream like you had last night, if you had an unusual restless sleep last night, there's a reason for that. Mark and I have started to touch you. We are going down into your soul, into that box that you've hidden from everybody and we've started to crack it open. We're shining a little bit of the sunlight of the Spirit into there. And that's what's... It's a physical manifestation that's coming up into your mind and that's what the dream is about. Your soul is giving you a message. Remember we started out with yesterday and start to ask yourself a series of questions, you know. Well, always question everything. Why am I having this experience? There's a reason you're having this experience. God's talking to you. There's something inside you that's restless, irritable and discontent. Let's shine the sunlight on it and get rid of it so we can find our way back to God. It's a wonderful, wonderful deal. Yesterday I left off on number 10. I always like to start with a little bit of humor. In case you weren't here, these things are... You may have a drinking problem if... Number 11, the parking lot seems to have moved since you were in the bar. Number 12, every woman you see has an exact twin. 13, you fall off the floor. 14, your twin sons are both named Barley and Hops. And 15, hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger. Screw dinner. Anybody ever drink their dinner? 16, the glass keeps missing your mouth. 17, the president starts to make sense. 18, vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz in the middle of the night. 19, at eight meetings, you begin with, hi, my name is... 20, your idea of cutting back means less salt. So, life ought to be fun. If we can't laugh, we can't truly express our spirit. Our spirit, that little child that I was talking about yesterday is love and it's deep within us. And that's the goal here, is to get down to that, so that we can radiate that. And what you radiate radiates right back at you. It's a neat, neat thing. Once you start doing that. There's been a break in our continuity from yesterday to today. And we are a spiritual body. So, why don't we start out the way we should and get quiet and get rid of the, oh, I wish I had more time for one more bagel or, you know, I wish that pothole, what did that do to me? You know, I wish I had more time for one more bagel or, you know, I wish that pothole, what did that do to me? You know, I wish I had more time for one more bagel or, you know, I wish that pothole, what did that do to my front end alignment on the way over here? And that kind of stuff. Let's clear our minds and try to get in touch. And we'll just do a real quick meditation and then, since I started this off yesterday, we'll ask Mark to bring us in with a prayer and then I'll jump back into where we left off with your homework assignment. Mark, our heavenly father, we thank you for bringing us together in fellowship and love and help us to remember as we go through this day, father, that albeit we have come to you and, It seems to be as individuals for these purposes today that we are a spiritual body and that we are one. Help us to wake up to the consciousness with which we left here last night, which is we had an experience with our first step and our need for power. And this idea, Father, in the second step that you're going to be our solution, and leaving here sitting with the idea of are you going to be everything in our life, having us look at some areas, Father, in which it's obvious that you're not everything in our life, having us to identify those things to ultimately face and be rid of that which has us blocked. I'd like to say the prayer of Jabez. Oh, Heavenly Father, we pray that you would bless us all indeed and enlarge our territory, that your hand would always be with us and that you would keep us from evil so that we may not cause pain. Amen. Thank you, Murray. Remember the requirements for this workshop. By the way, I have to wear a hat. The sun's killing me. We need to have an open mind and an open heart so that God can speak to us and touch that part of us that our ego is absolutely desperately not wanting us to touch. And I'd like to read something. It comes from Dr. Bob. It's called Cultivating Tolerance. It was from the 1944 AA Grapevine. It says, During nine years in AA, I have observed that those who follow Alcoholics Anonymous program with the greatest earnestness and zeal not only maintain sobriety, but often acquire finer characteristics and attitudes as well. One of these is tolerance. Tolerance expresses itself in a variety of ways. In kindness and consideration towards the man or woman who is just beginning, and in the understanding of those who perhaps have been less fortunate in education and advantages, and in sympathy towards those whose religious ideas may seem to be of great variance with our own. I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiant spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense that it is being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance, we might tend to become a bit smug or superior, which of course is not helpful to the person we are trying to help, and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything that might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another, and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process. Tolerance furnishes, Tolerance furnishes, Tolerance furnishes, Tolerance furnishes, Tolerance furnishes, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and to stubbornly adhere to opinions. In other words, it often promotes an open-mindedness with vast importance. It is, in fact, a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual. These, then, are a few of the reasons why I attempt to acquire tolerance, and that it may be made by each one of us. We need to have an open mind if we're going to have a new experience. We need to have an open mind if we're going to have a new experience. What did I leave you with last night? I left you with two things. One was a challenge to see if you pray and meditate with some of the principles from the lost chapters. Some people have a profound effect with that right off the bat. Most everybody, when they first see that, kind of go, This is in the big book? And then they realize. There is a hell of a lot more principles in this book that were supposed to be working in just 12 steps. It's loaded with principles, none of which we can perfectly attain. The neat thing is that if we strive towards them, we have these unbelievable experiences, and it confirms for each one of us that we're on the right path. I had a conversation this morning with a woman, and she was talking to me about sponsorship. And she says, you know, I'm hearing so many conflicting messages in AA and NA, and you could just see the confusion on her face. And I asked her a question, which I think startled her. I said, well, does it work? Do the messages you're hearing work? And she got this look on her face, and she said, well, no. And I said, well, then are those messages true? And you could see her ego. It grabbed a hold of it, and it didn't want to let go of, well, maybe it's true, maybe it's not. Then what am I going to grab a hold of? And she said, well, I guess it's not true. If it doesn't work, it can't be true. And I said, great. Well, what about the message you're hearing this weekend? We're not asking you to believe something. We're asking you to do something. We're asking you to take an action. Remember, acceptance, action, and then you get the outcome that we need. It has to be in that order. You have to accept the fact that maybe there's a chance that you're missing something. Start with that as your premise, because how do you know what you don't know? Take an action and see what the results are, and then look back on it and go, is what Mark and Dave shared, is that true? Are we telling the truth up here? You won't know unless you try it. If you just sit out there and listen and go, well, that's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting. That's interesting theory. I wonder if I should try that. Well, I'll do that next week. Or the next time I go through inventory, maybe I'll try it their way. You've missed the mark. We haven't touched you in the way that you need to be touched. The only way that I can be of any service to you, real service, is if I can then spur you on to do what we're talking about. Second piece that I left you with was the homework assignment. And that was the beginning of the second step proposition, which the whole second step proposition is in the guide. It starts on page five. And I don't know if you've had a chance to read it. Like most alcoholics, we don't want to read directions. We just want to go attempt things. I would highly encourage you to go and read the three pages sometime today so you truly understand the foundation of where the second step proposition exercise came from and the true meaning of it. I started doing this myself at about 17 years sober, formally doing the second step proposition exercise. I started having some very unusual experiences with it. And I was very slow with this exercise to give it to my sponsees. And every single one of them that I've given this exercise to has had an absolute profound effect with this exercise. This has been one of the, in the last three years, I would say this has been one of the most valuable tools for me in my sobriety, is this exercise. I can't emphasize it enough. If you're long-term sober and you're having any problems in any area of your life, I think this will be the deal for you. I'm going to hang my hat on that deal. All right? What you end up with when you're done with this exercise is a three-by-five card that you can carry with you. And we're going to be talking later on about watching. And if you can watch what's going on, and all of a sudden you realize sometime during your day that you're restless, irritable, and discontent, by doing the second step proposition exercise, you'll have done the spiritual work at a moment of serenity. So when you're feeling the angst and the anger and the resentment, the agitation, all you have to do is slam on the brakes and do what the book says. Turn to God, whip out your card, and look at it. Because you've already done all the homework. It's all right here. And there's a clear-cut set of directions. You don't need to run to your sponsor, you know, call up, pick up the telephone. You can go to the bathroom, whip out the card, do what it says on the card, and get right back into the spiritual groove in 30 seconds. A minute at the most. And start heading down. The path towards reclaiming your conscious contact with God. Here's my experience with it. I just did this exercise formally after I did the inventory with Mark. Like three weeks ago, four weeks ago. Whatever, however long it was. Very recently. You know? So I gave you guys that exercise last night, and I went home back to my hotel room, and I said, I did my meditation. I did a quiet hour afterwards, because I always do a quiet hour afterwards. I do step work of any kind, even in one of these workshops. And I'm weeping, you know, I'm having this wonderful experience, and I'm thanking God from the bottom of my heart that I know him better, and that thought pops into my head. Second step proposition exercise. And my ego immediately runs out and grabs a hold of that and says, you just did it. Go to bed. And I said, wait a minute. Slam on the brakes. I recognized my character. There it was. I saw the defect. He said, I'll sit down. I wrote out, I meditated, and nothing was coming to me in meditation, so I wrote out four things, I think. And I got up this morning, and I went into meditation, and I took a look at what I had written last night, and I could see that it was completely a manifestation of my ego. I was trying to force something onto the piece of paper, and I went into, in a period of serenity, coming out of meditation, and wrote it down, and I came up with five areas. If you had asked me walking into this workshop yesterday if I had any areas that I had not given to God, I would have said, no. God, he's got my life. The reality is, I came up with five areas. I had a new experience last night. All right, so what do you do with the areas that you haven't given to God? All right, so what do you do with the areas that you haven't given to God? Or you're unwilling to give to God, right? You draw a line on the piece of paper, and if you look on page seven of the guide, I'll give you an example. You ask yourself the question, why am I afraid to give these areas to God? And you're going to come up with a list of fears, all right? You notice I numbered them, one to 15. This is just a completely fabricated list, but there they are. And I listed those down. Once you've got a list of fears, then you can go to the big book, it's page 68, where it gives us the fear instruction. And at the bottom of page 68, it says, we ask God to remove the fear, and everybody stops right there. They say, okay, God, please remove these fears. Boom, done. That instruction on page 68 in the big book is an and. Remember I said you're going to get a language exercise? That means it's conditional. There's two pieces for that statement to work. You have to ask God to remove the fear, but you also have to ask God what he would have you be, not what he would have you do, so what does God want? Let's look at the career. If I'm not getting what I want in my career and I'm not getting enough money, what does God want me to be when I'm not getting what I want? He wants me to be grateful for what I have. He wants me to be patient and faithful. So in a moment of serenity, you write these things down, and I number for each one of the fears, the one to 15 fears, I have one to 15 on the backside of the card, what God wants me to be. So let's say I'm at work, and I just found out I got passed over for promotion. That's just triggered one of my fears, and now I'm agitated, and my boss is, and I am pissed, because he was telling me, don't worry, we'll take care of you at the end of the year when promotion time comes around, and they just passed me over and I got bubkis. I didn't get a diddly squat from my company. I'm agitated, I'm discontented, and all of a sudden I recognize it, and I say, wait a minute, you're out of whack. I go to the men's room, I whip out my 3x5 card, which area? It's career. Which fear is it? It's number two. I'm not getting enough money. So I ask God to remove that fear. God, please remove my fear of not getting enough money. Help me to be trusted. I'm trusting in you. And then I look over on the backside of the car, and what am I supposed to be? I'm supposed to be grateful for what I have, and be patient and faithful. And I ask myself the question, how can I do that right this minute? What can I be? I'm supposed to be of service. I should be grateful for this job. Thank God I'm not in the gutter anymore. How can I go back, and I walk up to my boss, and I say, thank you for being so honest. I know that was hard for you to tell me I got passed over. I really appreciate your candor and your friendship. Besides the fact that you're my boss, I know it's really got to suck that you got to tell me I didn't get a promotion this year. I don't hold it against you, and I'm going to make a commitment to you that I'm going to be the best possible employee I can be, and I'm not going to let this affect my job. And I'm not going to go get angry and run off and try to float my resume, because they weren't treating me the way I deserve to be treated, type deal. All right? Can you see how you've just shifted your ego? Instead of the hamster getting on the wheel, and you start thinking about how you're going to get even with your company, now you're out being of service to God right on the spot. And what did it take? It took consciousness to realize that you were off the spiritual beam, most of us in sobriety have that. But we recognize we're off the beam, and we think to ourselves, our ego runs in and says, well, we'll take care of that in a few minutes, because we're wallowing in the messy bog, getting a misshapen pleasure out of it. We really enjoy that angst and being that agitated, because it justifies all those feelings and all the inventory that we've never written that we know we should have. And all those sort of things that are bottled up inside of us, we let it get out a little bit. And we live in that, and we do a few character defects, we hurt a few people, knowing full well that we can go back and clean it up later on. That's not what this deal is about. This deal is trying to practice these principles. If I can recognize I'm off the base, how can I get back on the beam to get back connected to God? For me, this is a powerful, powerful, powerful tool. I've been using it on a regular basis. There's another tool that I use that I'll talk about with inventory when we start talking about the actual fear inventory. It's a very similar tool. And you'll notice, my three-by-five card. I do the same thing. I do what I, the suggestions I tell you guys to do, it's all stuff that I'm doing. For me, this works. Don't discount this unless you've tried it. If you try it, it doesn't work, God bless you, go with God. Sorry it didn't work for you. We'll try it for somebody else. But the people that I know that do this, it works fantastically. And it's a wonderful deal. So I just wanted to kind of bring you guys full. Read those pages. I give a much better description in the pages. And I talk about Harry Thiebaud in there, I think. And there's some history a little bit in there. Sometime before the end of this weekend, do yourself the favor of looking at that. And your homework for tonight is to complete your second step proposition exercise. Draw the line on the paper right at the top. Why am I afraid to give this to God? List your fears. And on the back side of the paper, write out what God wants you to be. And then when you get home, transpose all that onto a three-by-five card and carry it with you and try it for a couple weeks and see if it works for you. Now, I'm going to kick it back over to Mark, and he's going to take you through a guided meditation on this to see how does this apply? How does step two apply to 10 and 11? How can you connect this deal together? Morning, family. I'm Mark. I'm an alcoholic. We were left with the idea on page 53 of looking at our second step about when we become alcoholics. Crushed by a self-imposed crisis, we could not postpone or evade. We had to fearlessly face the proposition. Either God is everything or he's nothing. God either is or he isn't. What is our choice to be? And we looked at... I asked each of you to consider the fact that you might have some current agnosticism going on last night. And so I went back to the room and sat down and got quiet and got into some prayer. And some things rolled off my pin about one areas of my life I've not given. Obvious, you have seen me out there in the smoke break. So that one is a no-brainer. So I have not been willing to give smoking to God. So that shows up in the list. Last night I realized that there's still areas in which at times I will experience financial fears. So financial fears went on my list last night. And it appears to me that there's going to be some changes in my lifestyle. And I had to put that on there. So those were the three major things that I wrote out on that list that I... Through a course of action, it was obvious to me that I had either not given to God because I was asleep or perhaps was unwilling to because of my selfishness. And so I put those down. And then I went ahead and I did the second part of this is, well, why? Why have you been unwilling to give this to God? And there's a long list of reasons, of course, why, you know, they may be a little different, but it's everything from pain to the unknown to... More often than not, for me, it's always the unknown. And then more often than not, that puts me back into self-reliance. So then I just stay like the rat in the maze. Nothing happens. Then the third part of that is, you know, what would God have me be? And then I wrote that out. So we talked earlier about when you get to the 10th step, it says you've entered the world of the Spirit. And what I want to show you all is everything we're doing here this weekend and every step really is incorporated in the spiritual dimension of the 10th and 11th steps. So I want you to open your big book up to the 10th step on page 84. And I want you to show... I want to show you what I did this morning in meditation, with the things that I'd realized. And then I'm going to do a guided meditation. Because every one of us in this room, if we take the areas right now of our life in which we're experiencing fear, or we're not at peace, or we're having difficulties, we, every one of us, share all these areas in common, from our physical body to our relationships with others, to financial, to you name it. And I want to do a guided meditation with you this morning on how I did that. But I draw your attention to... 84. Basically what we did was we went to an exercise and we watched for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Right? And then at the bottom of the page, here's how I begin to work with this. Here's how I use the tools and the power of the 10th step to identify what I just went over with you. It says, I've ceased fighting anything or anyone dash even alcohol. By the time you get to this step, this is about a lot more than just alcohol. So I'm going to cease fighting the fact that I'm still smoking, that I have financial fears, and that I'm going to probably have a change in my lifestyle. I'm not going to fight that anymore because there's a spiritual law, and the spiritual law is what I resist persists. That which I fear has come upon me, which is why in the 10th step it says, Mark, cease fighting. Because if you're fighting, you're unwilling to accept what is. It says, by this time sanity will have returned. It is insane to resist what is, including your fears. You understand what I just said? Sanity stands for soundness of mind. It is insane to resist what is, including the fears that you have identified. And then it goes into liquor with us here. We'll seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, I'm going to recoil from a hot plane. I'm going to react sanely and normally. Anything that you wrote that you were unwilling to give up, that you have, I've not given up to God, you can plug in where it says liquor. I can begin to react sanely normally, and this can happen to me automatically. I'll be given a new attitude toward what? Toward money, toward relationships, toward career, toward my body. With no thought or effort, it will come. That is the miracle. I will get placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. Because the problem has been removed, the problem will not exist for me. And I am neither cocky nor am I afraid. That is my experience. That is how I react so long as I keep in fit spiritual condition. Early on, our big book said that spiritual principles would solve all of our problems. In fit spiritual condition, once I identify what it is that I have not been willing to give to God, and I gave you some tools to look at that yesterday. If you've got fear going on in any area of your life, that's an area of your life you've been unwilling to give to God. And then the second question we were posed with is, okay, it's obvious I haven't been willing to give that to God, or maybe I was asleep, or maybe I was asleep to the fact that it was even going on. And it's saying that we can get restored to sanity around all of these things, any of these pieces, that you are either unwilling to give to God or just haven't given to God, albeit your career or your finances or money or your physical health or relationships or anything else, which is not under God's umbrella and which God is not everything in your life. Because here's what we're going to do. If we have not placed everything, and I mean everything, in the hands and the direction and guidance of God, then I'm going to turn and rely on self, and then that means in that area of my life, I'm paralyzed with fear all day long. And I cannot be useful to you. And it's about my agnosticism. So that's how you begin to use this 10th and 11th step to get present to now, to have conscious contact, to get back on the beam or whatever you want to do it, to realize that really the first nine steps, ladies and gentlemen, are simply designed to allow, to allow you to experience the fourth dimension of existence, to grow in understanding and effectiveness and use those tools the rest of your life on a daily basis, minute by minute by minute. You know, the deal in AA is not the first nine steps. It's the steps 10, 11, and 12, to live in that dimension, see, to go through life with an awakened spirit. And now I want to, I want you all to put your feet on the floor, and I want you to close your eyes. And I'm going to do a guided meditation with you all that I did this morning with myself that I felt led to do with you, and as I do this, let's all remember that we are a spiritual body and that we are one. Heavenly Father, we come to you this morning in fellowship and love, and we come to you, Father, knowing that, there's nothing but oneness in this room. And we come to you, Father, having looked at things in which we have not made you everything in our life, or things in which, Father, we have been willing to give up. And for every one of us in this room, Father, all of these things seem to be there. We all have some problems going on with our physical health, Father, whether it's smoking or nutrition or cholesterol or anything else. And for whatever reason, we ask that you will forgive us for our unwillingness to either give that to you or to trust that you'll give us a course of action to do something about that, Father. In terms of our careers and jobs, Father, we seem to have, at times, fears and insecurities about that, and whether it's our capacity to perform that job or whether I should be in that job, Father. And again, I ask that you forgive me for my agnosticism in this area, knowing full well that I am your child and that you will always provide and care for me, Father, in all my personal relationships with significant other, with everyone I come in contact with, Father. I ask that you forgive me for any of my fears and selfishness in those dealings with those people. And I ask, Father, that you help me be willing to turn all of those relationships over to your love and to your care and to your direction. We ask, we'll ask, Father, in the area of our spiritual life that we lose any fears, Father, where it is that you might take us and what you might have us be, Father, to be your child, to understand that we're like that two-year-old child who has complete faith and complete trust, never questions that it's going to be fed or clothed or provided for or loved or nurtures and just enjoys the fullness of life. And we know, Father, that you can forgive us for the times that we have fallen asleep in this last few months in the areas in which we have relied on self. And we truly ask that you open our hearts up to your love, for we know that your room has many mansions, which you are always trying to give us and which we continually block off, Father. Father, I ask today as we go through this day that everyone's hearts in here be touched by your deep, deep love and that they know that you are there for them in every single area of their life and that all their fear can be taken away and dissipated. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Mark spoke of the two-year-old child. If you guys haven't figured it out, I'm real big on that little child that's within. And remember I said yesterday that I love watching little kids. And they love everything unconditionally. But one of the other things that you see from the little kids is everything is exciting. Everything is a new experience. They are change. They embody change. They embody love and change. So what's the most common topic in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings except we don't like change? You hear that all the time. I don't like change. I don't like change. I don't like change. What happened from the two-year-old child to the however old you are child that's sitting right here right now? Something occurred. And hopefully I'll have a little shift here. It's not that we don't like change. That is the delusion that we don't like change. Once again, alcoholics don't have denial. They have delusion. That's the delusion that our ego has built. It's not change that we're afraid of. It's the resistance to the change. Our problem is not the fact that we don't change. Everything changes. Remember the we has to change? Everything's constantly changing. Our problem is our resistance to change. Because if we don't resist what's going to happen, we don't resist the change, that means we can't be in control. It's our attempt at control that we don't want to change. Well, if I've just given God everything, guess what? I don't get a vote anymore. My sponsor, my first sponsor, made me write where I would see it every day, all day. What I want does not matter. Because I don't have a vote. I'm done. If I've given God everything, it's his vote, not mine. No matter what happens, whether it's my health, my job, my career, it doesn't matter. I'm almost 20 years sober, and if you don't give me a vote, if you look at the dashboard of my car, right on the speedometer, it says, what I want does not matter. So when little gray hair pulls out in front of me and she's doing 25 in a 55, and I'm getting really angry, and I'm blocked in behind her, and there's a cop right behind me, so I can't pass her on the double yellow, can't go up on the curb, I look down at the speedometer, and my next glance is, what I want doesn't matter. And I go, thank you, God. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to spend a minute with you. And I immediately go into prayer. Because what else am I going to do? I can sit there and get angry and frustrated, or I can just be in the moment. I can be back to that two-year-old little kid and say, what a neat opportunity. How many times have you driven, you drove here. Can you consciously think of five important things that occurred on your drive over here? Or were you driving over here thinking about what's going to happen at this conference? You were completely asleep to what was going on in the car. You weren't present. You weren't awake. You were just going to the deal. And I do that. I'm guilty of it. It reminds me of how asleep I go through life. If I can get back into tune that the hamster's back on the wheel, my ego is constantly trying to get me out of the present moment. The second step proposition is a powerful way. If you can really give everything to God, you can be in the moment because you have nothing else to fear. You have to hinge on the fact that God is everything to have the trust. And that leads us down to where we are. Yesterday, right before we left, a guy came up to me and he said, he said, I'm an atheist. He said, what do I do about this? And I said, well, are you having any troubles in your life? Are you having any areas of your life that it's not working for you? You're feeling a little bit powerless? And he said, yes. And I said, well, write that out. If he can't have the concept of God, if he believes that there's no God, remember I said I can work with an atheist or an agnostic, if that's his concept, we'll go through the exercise. We're just going to see where he's powerless and do the exact same exercise. And eventually he's going to come up to the realization that if he's powerless, then what? Where is he going to be? And in God's time, he'll figure out something. Dr. Bob has what they call the God experiment. Alcoholics Anonymous comes of age, page 59. It says, I know you're going to gag, but they taught me that I should try to pray to whatever God I thought there was for the power to carry out these precepts. And if I did not believe that there was any God, then I had better try the experiment of praying to whatever God there might be. So if you're working, I'm saying this from a 12-step perspective. If you get somebody that's atheist or agnostic, have them do the exercise for the areas that they know that their life is screwed up in, and then have them just go through and do the God experiment. Remember I said, you don't have to believe this is going to work. Try it and look back and tell me whether it works or not. Try a prayer, even if it's to nothingness, to a vacuum, and you don't believe there's anything out there. Try it and see what happens. God loves you enough that something's going to change if you take the action. That's my experience. If you go to page four of the guide, I list down basically the pieces that you need for step two. The four requirements, the requirements for spiritual growth. You've got to lay aside prejudice, express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than yourself. Earnestly seek God. That's the third requirement to commence spiritual growth, and that's what Mark and I are talking about. Seeking God. It's in the process of seeking that the change happens. The first thing we have to do, remember, acceptance, action, result. We have to accept the fact that we're powerless, step one. The foundation of step one is complete willingness. If somebody's not willing, then you can't go any further with them. You see that all the time. Alcoholics run up to me all the time. Dave, Dave, I want what you have. Take me through the steps. And I say, are you willing? And they say, oh yeah, I'm willing, willing, willing. Remember I said I'm a shoe man. I say, okay, well do this. If his actions don't dictate, he doesn't do it, then I know he's not willing and I say, go with God. I'm here if you need me. When you're hurt bad enough, come back and see me. You know, I always leave the door open. You never, ever, ever fire a sponsee. There's no such thing, all right? We are here to be of service for God and I can't give him something I don't have. If he's coming to me, he must want what I have. So I have to tell him what I have. This is what I got. Do you want it? Are you completely willing to do whatever it is that I do to get what I have? And if the guy has willingness, then we can move forward. And immediately we jump right into step two and I'm going to have him seeking God. Whether he believes in God or not, I'm going to have him seeking it and if he finds a God, it will be from the process of seeking. So whether he believes in God, atheist, agnostic, or other, get him seeking and see what happens and the proof of the pudding is in the eating, as my grandmother used to say. How well does the recipe work? Take a bite and let's see, you know? So then you have the cornerstone question. Do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there's a power greater than myself? Then we talked about, just briefly, the three barriers to spiritual growth. Obstinacy, that's the mule-headedness. Sensitive, whoever said alcoholics are overly sensitive? We're the most touchy, sensitive emotionally, people. Our feelings get hurt at the drop of a hat. I made amends to a guy this morning because he hurt my feelings, you know? And I hadn't seen him in, I don't know, eight months or a year. And tonight was the first, or this morning was the first time really I had laid eyes on him. And I went up to him and I said, I've got to make amends to you. And he said, what on God's name for? And I said, because he hurt my feelings and so then I cut him off. I stopped calling him. I didn't email him, you know? He doesn't want what I have, F him, right? He hurt my feelings. But I'm not a sensitive person. I'm not a sensitive alcoholic. Unreasoning prejudice. That's a preconceived idea without thought, right? Don't tell me that you know what it is. Try it and then tell me what your experience was and then we'll compare experiences. And guess what? If your experience was different than mine, God bless you. Wonderful deal. Then there's the, we talked about the four step, the four step two requirements for long-term sobriety and how you should speak at the podium, right? Then we just covered the second step proposition, which leaves us with the second step. Which leads us up to the where. Remember? The big book says, where and how are we going to find God? Well, you have the ABCs. A, that we were alcoholic and cannot manage our own lives. B, that probably no human power can relieve our alcoholism. And C, that God can and will if he were sought. Notice, that's the way it was from the original manuscript. If you have the study editions, in the gray pages, there's the original manuscript. You can see where that comes from. You notice the next sentence. In the big book, it says, being convinced we are at step three. Being convinced of what? Being convinced of the ABCs. So, everybody needs to ask themselves, before we move off step two, are you convinced that you're alcoholic? Well, our description of step one should have convinced you that you're alcoholic. Do you have physical craving if you put alcohol in your body? Do you have mental obsession even when you don't have alcohol in your body? Now that you're long-term sober, you're still left with a spiritual malady if you're alcoholic, if you're a real alcoholic. And that you can't manage your life. Are you convinced that you can't manage your life? Because if your life was working, what the hell are you doing here? You know? There's a reason why you're here. All right? That probably no human power can relieve our alcoholism. You are a human power. You've been trying for years to relieve your own alcoholism. Has it worked? That's the test question for you. And see that God can and will. You won't know that until you try it. That's my whole point. So, when I go through this deal, I like to do the way they did in the old days with the Oxford group. If you want what I have, come do what I do. Every day, I say the third step prayer. I make the decision once, but I reaffirm that prayer. So, on this break that we're about to take, I want you guys to all think about what it's going to mean to take the third step prayer. And when we come back, we're going to talk about the decision before we take the prayer. What does this decision entail? And the three pieces of that decision. And then there's two more requirements we have to cover before we take the third step. And then, hopefully, as a group, we'll take the third step and then we're going to have some fun. We're going to jump right into inventory and inventory is going to be fun. And we're going to teach you how fun inventory is going to be. And we're going to start laughing. And I know I'm going to injure my ribs because we're going to have some fun. So, what, 15 minutes? So, on the hour, be back and go with God.