Dr. S. and the Truth About the Phenomenal Craving – John H.

About This Speaker Tape

April 18, 1998: the back seat of a police car. For John H., this wasn't just an arrest; it was the end of a train ride to hell. A "hopeless variety" of alcoholic, John describes a life where the "woozy" feeling that stops a normal drinker was his signal to keep going, even when he was vomiting blood and eating ice to numb the wreckage. He lived as a slave to the bottle, drifting from Georgia to Atlanta, carrying a brown paper bag instead of luggage and committing crimes to fund the craving.

After four years in the Department of Corrections, John found a Higher Power and a sponsor who told him he was "spiritually sick." He compares the 12 Steps to Michelangelo chiseling a big ugly stone to find the angel inside. No longer jumping fences or dodging probation officers, John now navigates life as a "woodpecker"—showing up and doing the work while his Higher Power splits the hardwood open.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 John H. opens by thanking the group and reflecting on the lifelong friends he's found in recovery.
• 4:15 Laughter: Story about the 'woozy' feeling and the difference between a normal drinker and an alcoholic.
• 7:30 John describes his first drink of moonshine at fourteen and the 'bulletproof' feeling it gave him.
• 12:00 The 'invisible line' and the cycle of jail, temporary resolutions, and the 'edges' of irritability.
• 16:45 The moment of surrender: being surrounded by the Brevard County Sheriff's Department.
• 20:30 In prison, John experiences a moment of clarity after being challenged by Mr. Elkins to admit he is powerless.
• 24:15 Working the resentment list and the spiritual shift in viewing his father's abandonment as spiritual sickness.
• 28:00 The process of making amends and the emotional phone call from his daughter.
• 32:00 Discussion on Step 12 and the metaphor of Michael Angel chiseling the stone to find the angel.
• 35:30 John's daily practice of offering himself to his Higher Power and the 'lie' that one beer won't hurt.
• 38:00 Reference to Dr. Silkworth and the physical allergy of alcoholism.
• 41:00 The metaphor of the woodpecker and the lightning bolt of grace.