Dr. S. and the Humility of the DTs – Keith L.

About This Speaker Tape

A basement dive in Washington D.C. was the end of the line for Keith L. in 1973.

He describes a life defined by defiance—joining the Marines at 113 pounds just to prove he could—and a psychic change that shifted him from pounding on his steering wheel in morning tears to a life of service. Keith speaks candidly about the wreckage of his mind from the brain damage that once left him forgetting where he worked to the deep-seated conflicts of his sexuality and the trauma of being raped at nineteen. He maps out the mechanics of the first few steps using the image of a drink with his name on it that he must constantly push further into the future.

Through the guidance of sponsors like Dan and Sandy he moved from a state of total bankruptcy to a place where he can finally look at his wife and feel overwhelmed by a love he once believed he didn't deserve.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Keith L. opens by discussing the utility of step-study meetings in Washington, D.C.
• 6:45 Discussion of the 'psychic change' and the miracle of the first step.
• 12:10 The 'drink with my name on it' metaphor for powerlessness.
• 18:30 Laughter: Story about his first sponsor, Dan, and the reality of being a 'bad drunk'.
• 24:15 Keith recounts the morning of his last drink in 1973 and his struggle with agnosticism.
• 31:00 Detailed account of brain damage and the time he forgot where he worked.
• 38:40 The transition from defiance to reliance and the decision of the Third Step.
• 45:10 Step 4: The 'yellow pad' method for inventorying fears and resentments.
• 52:20 Raw and Emotional: Keith discusses the trauma of being raped at nineteen and its impact on his sexuality.
• 58:15 The 'gagger counter for sick broads'—discussing the pattern of attracting unstable partners.