Danny’s 6,000th “You Don’t Remember My Name” Roast and My Step 6 Brain Freeze 🤣 – Russell C.

I had a drink on January 17th, 1981. I'm grateful for that, and I do believe that it's God's grace that allows me to come in here and keep me sober. And also, and I was talking about this at the meeting I did over at Back on Track, it gives me the desire not only not to drink, but the desire to grow in a more mature way in God's image and likeness. And I'm real far from that deal, but I have the desire to get better. And that's what I want to talk about tonight. I'm going to talk about, we're going to, I got a certain idea in my mind what I want to bring up. And I'm going to start off with, by the way, it's good to see Danny here. Danny, I want you to stand for a second. I want to talk about, does everybody know Danny? Now, I need to tell you something about Danny. No, I like Danny. Danny's a good guy. Now, Danny's probably, in the last two or three years, I don't know how many years since I'm, he's probably approached me about 6,000 times. And he says, and he approaches me, he always says the same thing. He says, hey, how you doing? He says, you don't remember my name, do you? And I don't. And he says, it's Danny. And he always has the greatest attitude. He says, it's Danny. I mean, personally, I can tell Danny's sober, because you see, because he doesn't get pissed off. He says, I don't know. He says, I know you don't remember. Danny. Always does the same thing. And whenever he says Danny, as soon as he says Danny, I go, that's right, I know that. You know what I mean? Because after the 5,000th time, you know, you're like, but for some reason, I don't know if it's some sort of mental block or something. You know, I see him, and the name of the skate scene, he says, and he, I always give him that, then he has that, he can do that line. He says, you don't remember, do you? Danny, you know? Yes, I think. So I can't, I don't think I can handle that anymore. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I have to take drastic action. I have to take drastic action. And I know it's kind of selfish of me, but it's the only way I could think I could possibly remember your name. I have to single you out, you know? Possibly embarrass you, but I understand you have no pride in regards to that. It's not going to mean anything to you. And, um. And then maybe there's a possibility that I might remember his name. Now, of course, if I don't, it's going to be even worse. It's just going to get even worse. It's like addiction. It's going to get even worse the next time. You know what I mean? He's going to say, like, I can't believe it. You still don't remember my name. So that was all about the sixth step, I think. I don't know what it was. I want to take off on something. You know, I got a little, you know what I try to do, really? I try to think of shit that you guys haven't heard before. Hell, I try to think of shit. I try to think of shit that I haven't heard before. I have no idea what I'm going to say. I hope it's good. You know, I mean, I try to think about it. I start thinking about stuff to say. I said, I want to think about something original. You know, I don't want to do stuff you can read in a book. You know, you can read this. You really ought to read this shit. You know what I mean? Listen, this is the 12 steps. This is Dr. Bob and Good Old Timers. You need to get this. You need to read this. It's very important. And this is the big book about false anonymous. Now, I don't want to give you stuff that you're going to read right out of the book. I'll talk about the book when we're going through the book and everything. But I want to give you some different ideas and some screwy ways of looking at things and different ways of looking at things. You know, I've been doing this for almost 29 years now. And I have, you know, one of the interesting aspects of it, and I was thinking about this when it comes to the sixth step, which is sort of like a very interesting step. You know, it's the step that separates the men from the boys. It's the step. Whatever the hell that means sounds pretty important to me. It says this is the step that separates the men from the boys, you know. And, yeah. You know, the interesting thing with this deal is we're in a room here, you know, where we've got people with all levels of sobriety. We've got people with, like, one week. We've got people with, like, 52 years. We've got people who are 18, 17 years old. We've got people that are, like, 82 years old. We have people that have been doing this stuff for a long time. We've got people that have been through it. We've got people that are on the 12th step. We've got people that have done the step. 18,000 times. We've got the people that don't even know what the steps are. I've never heard of them before. We've got all this stuff going on in this room. And I'm going to talk about this step. Now, listen. You know, no matter what I say, not everybody's going to get anything, going to get out of this what everybody else is going to get. You know, we're all going to get unique stuff out of this. You know, most of the people that I'm talking to in here aren't even going to remember 99.9% of this stuff. And the one thing they're going to remember is probably a little bit different than I. It's like you're going to pick up something. It may not even be about the sixth step. Now, I mean to talk. Just because I mean to talk about a certain thing, that doesn't mean it's going to be the thing you get. You know, I'll be talking about something, and a year from now, you'll come up to me and say, you know, that meeting you did on such-and-such really helped me. And you'll tell me how it helped you, and I won't even remember saying what I said or meaning it that way. Because what I'm going to talk about, I think, and you know how I am. I'm all along. So this is like an anchovy pizza. There's something for everybody. Just take off the anchovy. I mean, it's like I'm going to talk about a lot of shit. But what I mean to talk about is probably something that's going to be sort of heavy. When I say heavy, sort of like more apt to be picked up or meant to be focused on for guys that have been around for a while. I'm not going to talk about a lot of fun stuff. You know what I mean? Although I'll try to keep it light. But, you know, so I want to get into that. But I want to get into it like in a backhanded way. I want to, you know, and I've said this in this group before, and if I hadn't, or you're going to hear it now anyway, it's all out of the literature. But AA started in 1935. And, you know, a lot of you guys have heard this, but I'll re-impeach it. It started in 1935. And the big book was written in 1939. Now, now, one of the things that I realize now, it says in the big book, it says, on page one, it says, we know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins AA unless he first accepts it as devastating weakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbles himself as a sobriety, then he will be precarious of real happiness. He knows he'll know none at all. And one of the things we talked about, I think, last week and all the other times is the understanding and somehow, and I think this happens with a little time. I don't think you get this right off the bat. I think the best I had right off the bat coming in here was that, and I think it's a good thing, is when I look the guy in the eye and say, I need help, I can't stop drinking. Is there anybody here besides me that actually came in here because they had a drinking problem? I'm it, huh? No, you know, people, I think, come to AA because they have a drinking problem. I can really see no other reason to come to Alcoholics Anonymous. Really, when you think about it, unless you have a, unless, see, why would anybody come to Alcoholics Anonymous unless they got to the point, you know, they got to the point where they got to the point where they got to the point where they got to the point where they couldn't stop drinking? I mean, I guess you could be court-ordered or something like that. But I came here because I had a drinking problem. I didn't come here because I had a, I mean, I knew I was crazy, but I didn't come in here because I was crazy. I knew I was depressed. I knew I, you know, you know, it would have been nice if I had a girlfriend. I knew I needed money, but I didn't come here for money. I came here because I couldn't stop drinking. I had a drinking problem. But, you know, I think over a period of time, I think one of the things that happens to people if they go to meetings and they come here is they start getting a wider picture or a more defined picture of what the problem is. And they may not really totally understand the problem, but I'd like to think that most people that have been around here for a while start realizing or getting the suspicion that the problem is more than just alcohol. As a matter of fact, I think that most people that have, like, a couple of neurons working kind of understand that if they stop drinking and they're still crazy, that this is a serious disease. That there's some, you know, I don't care how they say it. They may say, I have the committee going in my head. Or, you know, whatever they say, somewhere along the road, they realize that even if they're physically sober, they got some real serious problems going on. And one of the things that I realize is that the problems that I have are much, much deeper. That even what I imagine, I mean, one of the problems that, you know, one of the things I had to accept, which is really hard to accept when you think you're a know-it-all and you know everything, is that I don't know what I don't know. That just because I think it's true doesn't mean it's true. That my best thinking got me into here. I mean, I just had a real healthy disrespect for my own thinking. That's a really, really healthy deal when you start having a healthy disrespect for your own thinking. And you start doubting yourself. It's okay, even though you feel strong. The stronger you feel about something, the more you're a little bit concerned. You know, and that kind of stuff happened to me. And because everything, what I ultimately realized, is all the good shit, all the good stuff about outlaw synonymous, all the stuff that's really going to help me, I'm against. I'm against it. You know, I mean, that's the truth. The truth is, everything that's good and righteous and right and AA, I am against it. You know, they say some of these things we balk, they lie. We balk at all of them. You know what I mean? We just balk at some less than others. You know, that my natural way of doing things, you want to know what my natural way of doing things is like? The thing I'm, the way I'm comfortable in doing things, you'd have to look at me when I was drunk. You just look at the way I acted when I was drunk, then you'll know how I like it. If you want to look how I want to live my life and what I think is right and what I think is important and what I think is the real deal, then you better look at me outside of these rooms, outside of sponsorship, outside of these books. Look at me before I came into outlaw synonymous. Then you'll know who I really am. Because if you want to know who you are, don't look at yourself. Don't look at yourself while you're in here. Look at yourself when you're unrestrained, undisciplined, doing things exactly the way you wanted to do it, using your brain because you think it was right, and look at what was going on outside there because that's who you are. That's who you are. Don't kid yourself. You're not this. You're that. I'm this because of the grace of God, which I don't understand, because of some sort of desire, which I don't understand, because of other people, because of this book, because of a whole lot of things right now that are almost constraining me. Sometimes, sometimes in a forceful way, sometimes in persuasive ways that I don't even understand. Sometimes, you know, alcoholics tend to bow to peer pressure. You are who you hang out with. I mean, don't get... Hey, listen. You know the old story. When I was in Key West, I drank margaritas. When I was in Country and Western Bars, I drank beer. When I was in New York, I drank Manhattan's. I never got them mixed up. I never went to a Country and Western Bar and said, hey, you got a margarita? You know what I mean? You know, I thought I was free will. I was not free will. I wasn't... I was whatever you wanted me to be to fit in. So, you know, if I come in here and I start hanging around with you guys, I'm going to start looking and acting sober just by virtue of the fact that I'm sitting in the room and I want people to like me. And if I start hanging around with a guy who's got 30, 40 years sober, I'm going to start talking like a guy who's got 30 and thinking like a guy who's got 30 or 40 years sober. And if I start hanging around with people to have less time with me, just so I can be the big shot or something like that and I don't want to be listening to some other guys, I'm going to start talking like them. You know, I'm going to start... I'm going to be... I'm going to start going through osmosis, you know, and you're going to have to understand, well, all this is going on. I got this disease of alcoholism, which is never cured. I am, for whatever reason, I mean, God has this plan. I am built with this disease. There's a great line with the Apostle Paul where he says, I had this thorn. It was satanic. I asked God to take it away. He says, I will not. Do it. He says, because you're a conceited son of a gun. Well, God didn't say that. Well, he said, he did say, because you're conceited, I won't take it away from you. He says, because when you're weak, I'm strong. He says, when you're weak, I'm strong. He says, when you're strong, you just do whatever the heck you want to do. He says, I'm not taking this thing away from you. It's going to be hanging over your head. This is God's leash on me, this alcoholism. It never goes. Nobody ever gets cured. It's like a... It's like gravity. Gravity never goes away. It's always there. This disease is always waiting there 24... It says, that's why I can't coast. I can't coast. I try to coast. I can work hard. See, I can get to the point. You had a saying, I said last time, it says, an alcoholic is unemployable when he comes in three months later, he's underpaid. We can get to the point where we feel good about ourselves, we're feeling okay, we feel like we're doing okay, and about precisely that point, we think we've got it made, and that's about the point when we start going backwards. That's right at the point when we start going backwards. And sliding back, and sliding back, and sometimes you don't realize you're going backwards until 20 years down the road because there's consequences to not doing this thing and not working this thing. And this is a constant, I want to use the word battle, but it's a constant moving forward. And that desire has to keep on going. This disease is a strong disease. In 1935, this thing started. In 1939, they published the book. In the book, it says, rarely have we... And the book was published in 1939, four years after, the thing started. They were meeting for four years after it started. Now, you know my old theory about alcoholism. Most of you know. If you don't know, I'll say it again. You know, I've noticed something about myself. I've noticed something about alcoholism in this book. In the book, when they define what alcoholism is, they say it's not the booze. It's not the drinking. What it really is, it's my thinking. It says, alcohol is not the problem. Alcohol consumption is a symptom of our disease. You know, we drink. You ready for this? This is like wild because we, we are alcoholic. That's why alcoholics drink because they have alcoholism. You know, when I used to say things like, well, I'm drinking for medicinal purposes, I was right. That was true. You know what I mean? Alcohol is the medicine we use for alcoholism. My alcoholism centers in my mind, not my body, which is probably why you're still here even though you're sober. Because somehow, some way, you figure out, you get it, that when you stop going to these rooms, you may not drink right away, but you're nuts. I mean, somehow, some way, you've experienced craziness. Outside these rooms, sober. And you come into these rooms and you say a few things and you do a few things and all of a sudden, you're less crazy. And you've somehow made that connection, you're not quite sure how, that you're not being nuts. And you're sort of connected being nuts has something to do with this disease. You're not being nuts has something to do with your alcoholism which has something to do with doing this stuff, which none of which has anything to do with booze. But you don't like booze as waiting out there somewhere. But you don't like booze because you know it's not really the disease. You know you're not really fighting the alcohol now because you don't have a desire to drink. You just have a desire not to be crazy. And so you come over here. And so we come in this deal and one of the things I talk about, I'm not going to go through the whole story, but my former wife, beautiful gal, first wife, wife, son, house on Miami Beach on the golf course, 26 years old, I come out one day and she says, you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. That's what she says. She says, you come home drunk one more time. She could have said a lot of things, but that's not what she said. She said that. She says, you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. And, you know, I mean, I've got all sorts of degrees on the wall, very simple statement, you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. I get in my car, I drive 10 blocks down the road, I stop at a stoplight. First thing I say to myself is, well, what the hell could you mean by that? Now, listen, we laugh at that. Listen, when you, and I meant it, I didn't understand it, confused me. Now, when you miss something like that, when somebody says you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you, and that confuses you, you're not quite sure what that means, why she would say that and what that means, let me give you a suggestion. There's a possibility that if that confuses you, you may be, that may, you may be missing, and, you know, if something confuses me, I either put it off to the side or throw it away or don't think about it or get mad about it or something, but it does nothing to change me in my life. Now, listen to me. There's a possibility if that kind of thing confused me that there may have been other messages given to me just as clear that I missed. You understand what I'm saying? There may be other messages, there may be actually messages coming to you right now all over the place. You're going to go bankrupt if you keep on spending money like this, you know? If you spend money on credit cards that you don't have and you don't pay, but you're going to go into debt. There may be a million messages going on in your life right now that are clear to everybody else in the world except for you, and all of a sudden, somewhere down the road when you go bankrupt or you blow up or you explode and somebody points you out and says, well, didn't you realize this was going to happen? You go, well, I guess. You know what I mean? And you somehow don't even understand how you didn't, even though you're intelligent in many ways. So one of the axioms that I have is being an outlaw. Part of the nature of it is being an outlaw. It's the nature of our alcoholism. It says unless and until an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and its devastating weakness and all its consequences, there's something wrong with my brain. There's a lot of stuff wrong with my brain, and I don't necessarily see clear things. And that when an alcoholic sees, hears, or is told something he does not like or makes him uncomfortable, it confuses him. And when an alcoholic gets confused, he either gets mad or he somehow X's it out so it goes away so he doesn't have to deal with it. So sponsors get fired. And people get their backs turned on. And you get mad because if you can get mad at me, or if you can X's it, then you don't have to listen to me and you don't have to change. And you can continue on with your sort of bullshit story, your wishful thinking, your fictitious deal that you think you can do all sorts of things in your life and get away with it. And you can continue on doing that. And if you stay sober and alcoholics anonymous, you can do it for 15 years. And even if you do it for 15 years, and you act crazy, as long as you don't drink, they'll give you a medallion. And you can think you're like you're sober, you know? Because they're giving you like a birthday cake. And, I mean, you're not sponsoring anybody because nobody wants what you have, but you know, you can just get mad at that too. Or get mad at other people that sponsor people. They're not asking you to do the steps or anything like that because nobody wants to hear what you have to say, but you can get mad at that too. There's a lot of things you can get mad at and make it go away. So we say, one of the things we say at the big book, in every meeting you go to it, every single meeting you go to, you hear the following. Here's what you hear. You ready? This is like what my ex-wife said to me. If you want what we have, and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. And then it says, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Anybody ever heard that before? Rarely have we seen a person fail. Now this is what I think it means. We're going to sign it. Now, now we say it so much and we read it so much that I don't think people really think about what it means. Think about it. This is like my ex-wife saying, if you come home drunk one time, I'm going to leave you and I go, what the hell does she mean by that? Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. I think what they mean is this. If you follow our path, you'll get what we got. You know, now I think what people actually hear is you can do what you want to do and you'll still get what you want. You'll get what you got. Or something like that. You know what I mean? Because here's what happens. Here's what happens. In 1935, they started this thing and they worked it until 1939 and then they wrote a book that said, Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. When they wrote the book, the one thing that was clear that they didn't do is it was clear that they never read the big book. Because the big book hadn't been read. So if you think that their path was reading the big book, you would be wrong. What their path was is they read the Bible. Now I'm not telling you this so you run out and get a Bible or anything like that or whatever or you get baptized. I'm just telling you that's a fact. Listen to me. Just because it makes you uncomfortable, just because you don't like it, doesn't make it less of a fact. You understand what I'm saying? I mean, there's a lot of things in this world you don't like. You don't like the fact when you first come in that you can't drink. You don't like the fact that you can't hang out with your friends. You don't like your friends at the bar. There's a ton of things you don't like. Doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. They read the Bible. Their first meeting was done by Dr. Bob where he read Matthew 5, 6, and 7. The whole meeting was on Sermon on the Mount. And that's a fact. And so, if you happen to be a student of the Bible, which I was not when I came in here, if you're not a student of the Bible, you'll read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and you'll think like this is like some sort of original deal. You understand what I'm saying? That has nothing to do with anything. It was like Bill Wilson like from the sky sort of this came out of nowhere except his mind. And the only person like you know that but of course Bill Wilson would have never said that. Nor did he ever say that. Which is why he said to Henrietta Sipon when Henrietta the Lord has been so wonderful to me during me of this terrible disease that I can keep talking about it and then telling other people what the Lord has done. Because the bottom line and the reason he used the word Lord it's right there in our book is because he was reading the Bible. But if you become a student of the Bible and I'm not saying you should be a student of the Bible. You should. But if you do okay what you'll do is you'll read the big book it'll mean something different to you. Because you'll see infused within the big book is all of Scripture that's been written over a period of 8,000 years by some of the most spiritual people that you can possibly imagine. You'll see where it says no it's quite the opposite. You'll see where it says things like we lose we lose prejudice even against organized religion. We begin to see how religious people are right. We see that all through the big book. It's not what we think it is but the problem that what it really is is the celebration of God and your relationship with God and getting more involved in religion and getting back on the right track. But we're all alcoholics in here and alcoholism is a very serious disease. So even though that's what Bill Wilson wrote and even though that's what he meant and that's what every word on his body said his enthusiasm the truth of the matter is is that a year after he was sober he was saying things like this if I can find it. If I can find it at least it's suspenseful. I can't wait to see whether it's in here. In the early days this is about a year and a half so you know she recalls Bill said to me this is Bill talking to Henrietta Sarton this is the same Bill who saw the white light this is the same Bill who said so this is the God of the father this is the same Bill who said the Lord has been so grateful to me curing me of this terrible disease that I can keep talking about and telling other people he said that to Bill Dotson changed Bill Dotson's life he saw that Bill placed great emphasis on God in relation to God but a few months after that this is what he said to Henrietta Sarton in the early days she recalled Bill said to me now get this this is the same guy Henrietta I don't think we should talk so much about religion or God in other words he was a few months after saying that after being close to this deal he was feeling better he was looking better and he was looking better he was looking at the crowd and he was more worried about getting in more people more worried about what other people thought about him you know why? because he was an alcoholic like you more concerned about whether he was going to look goofy or whether people were going to laugh at him less concerned with what actually happened to him as a matter of fact Bill Dotson said this was the golden rule because you could see Bill was entirely grateful for being saved and made sober and he had put he had and he had he had basically given God all the credit for it that's right out of our literature but a few months afterwards Bill Wilson is saying to Henrietta already I don't think we should talk so much about God or religion religion or God why would he say that? he said I don't think we should do it to new people I don't think we should talk so much about religion or God I said to him this is what she said to him well we're not out to please alcoholics they have been pleasing themselves all these years we are out to please God and if you don't talk about what God does and you don't your faith and your guidance then you might as well be the Rotary Club or something like that because God is your only source of power finally Bill Wilson agreed and because he agreed he was about ready to turn and go the opposite direction and if he had gone in the opposite direction we wouldn't have had any of this stuff in here and it wasn't like we'd all be drinking but understand Bill Wilson who wrote this thing and everybody holds up and everything like that a year after he was sober was already this disease was already pulling him back he was looking at the worldly clamors he was looking at the people in the room he was looking at the guys that were turning him off and saying I don't want to listen to that bullshit you know and he was already trying to say well let's throw God under the bus because people don't like it he was already doing that deal until he was turned around by Henrietta Cyberling now we have a book that says see to it the relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others see God God couldn't what if he was started now God's all infused in our book the whole thing's in our book it's all about God but understand that a year and a half into this thing Bill Wilson despite the most sincere speaking and what happened to him and how he's looked up was ready to go another direction now you think well thank God for that right because now we got this book now we got this book right thank God we have this book and all these other books but I want you to understand something this is based upon 29 years of going here that line from Bill Wilson that line was not unique to Bill Wilson I don't think we should talk so much about God and religion that feeling that Bill Wilson had which was anti-AA the opposite of A the worst part he wanted to be more comfortable he wanted to be more liked he wanted people to like him he didn't want anybody in the back of the room saying this guy's full of shit he wanted everybody to love him he didn't want anybody to dislike him or think he was a whole you know so you gotta understand that idea that he had let's not talk let's not rattle any feathers let's not get anybody pissed off let's not talk about God let's make him make it easy let's not make anybody uncomfortable let's make everybody happy to be here and everything no matter what let's lower the bar everybody come it doesn't matter that idea was not something that arose out of Bill Wilson's alcoholism and his tendency to backpedal and to rest on his laurels and forget where he came from that tendency was not unique to Bill Wilson it's part of alcoholism it's part of every one of us and that whole idea that you think is ditched let me tell you something let me tell you something it's alive and well in alcoholism in alcoholics anonymous today it's alive and well and anybody that's been to rooms of alcoholics anonymous knows that the primary tenant in most rooms is don't talk about God or religion and that doesn't come from alcoholics anonymous that comes from another deal that comes from a whole other place now what does that have to do with the sixth step the reason it has to do with the sixth step is sort of like an interesting and yet troubling deal this is the step that separates the men from the boys it says so what are they actually talking about in the sixth step you know let me give you a suggestion okay and I'm talking to myself too if this stuff ain't bothering you you're probably not doing it you know you're probably not doing it I mean if you're real comfortable none of this stuff is bothering you you're probably missing something and I say that to myself too sometimes I get so happy about this stuff and I feel so good and I feel like and you know but you see I know in the back of my mind that's because I'm not really doing it well I don't know we'll see when I get to the end of this this is the step that separates the men from the boys so declares a well-loved clergyman where did that come from they're all over the clergyman a well-loved clergyman who happens to be one of A's greatest friends he goes on to explain that any person now you remember this is the book remember what it says in this book after you take the third step now you guys have all taken the third step we went through the third step we're past the third step we're not arguing about the third step that's the step where it says they talk about the selfishness the self-centeredness it says above all we must get rid of the selfishness we must or it kills us God makes that possible well you know in that step that's the step where we say in the fifth chapter many of us said to our makers we understood them God I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help with thy power thy love and thy way of life may I do thy will always we thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him and by him I don't think they're talking about like Jeffrey Schwartz down the street you know what I mean or my boyfriend or my girlfriend because it's capitalized abandon yourself utterly to God so now we go on to the sixth step which is sort of like the consequences of living a life where you're abandoning yourself to God you know you ever hear the old saying you're all talk and no action you know talk is cheap and I can tell you one thing in AA when all is said and done there'll be a lot more said than done a lot of talk hey listen the easiest thing in the world for an alcohol to do and who knows better than me is to talk a good talk is to sit around and talk for hours and I'll tell you it's all in the action isn't it it's all in what you're actually doing and who you're hanging around with and what you're focused on that's the deal that's how you tell do you know I have a little saying that I use the guys who would go up to me I talk about bathing the parakeet bathing the parakeet you know I never talk about excuses you know they say where's Freddy he says oh he had to bathe the parakeet he couldn't he says he wanted to be with but he had to bathe the parakeet you know what I mean you know you know oh yeah you know sometimes those parakeets need to be washed you know you know I wanted to be there with you Russ but you know tonight's my night to bathe the parakeet you know if you if you if you you know you don't want to have a dirty parakeet you know Jesus got that a lot you know I don't know how much you know about that the guy says I really want to follow you you know but I gotta bathe the parakeet you know he's the rich young ruler right you know he says I'll do anything to be with you he says sell all you have and give it to the poor he says oh I will but I gotta bathe the parakeet it's a lot of people bathing parakeets around here a lot of people really wanting to do this stuff but you know sometimes you know you just gotta bathe that parakeet I mean nobody's going out drinking mind you nobody's going to booze parties it's just bathing parakeets that's all because it's important somebody's gotta do that you know and this is the step that separates the men from the boys so declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be one of A's greatest friends he goes on to explain that any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try repeatedly step six on all his faults without any reservations whatever has indeed come a long way spiritually and is therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of his own creator well I guess your higher power could be a doorknob could be a doorknob of course to be a doorknob you'd then have to believe that you're a doorknob that you were created by a doorknob I'm sorry I'm sorry look listen we gotta get real here just because you don't like God you don't like the idea of a deity don't make this book into something it's not don't make believe this book says something that makes you feel uncomfortable because it's uncomfortable for you to believe that they're talking about God the deity God and you don't want to go that way just say you're unwilling to do what they talk about in this book if you want to make if you want to say I won't do AA as written I'm going to do it my way my way my way I'm not even going to consider doing it their way I'm going to do it my way and therefore since I'm allowed to do it my way because the way I read this book it says here's what they read they read God as you understand them as I can do anything I want I can bend the language any way I want and you know something they can you can AA won't kick you out you can but here's the point the point is if in fact this thing is consistent and it goes with the English language and you're going to be honest rigorously honest to understand what they're really talking about here and you still don't do it here's the point you will suffer consequences there will be consequences to those actions there are reasons why people drink after 20 years or after 10 years after 5 there are reasons why a lot of people there's reasons why people are 15 years sober and miserable there's reasons you know you might be able to say something for a long period of time then somewhere at the end it's going to blow up there are reasons you can't just do whatever the heck you want to do and get exactly what they got when these people say we've experienced much of heaven and we've been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed if you aren't there or haven't experienced that that isn't happening well it could be because you're on your way because there's a certain amount of desert time and it could be because you're not really doing this thing there's something you're holding back on there's a surrender you're not doing because you just refuse to do it you're just not going to do it because you're an alcoholic and that cheap characteristic is you're defiant now one of the things they talk about in here and it's all if you know anything about the bible and biblical stuff and you understand about it you know it's all in here one of the things they talk about if you like it or not is sin sin you think that's churchy huh well it is churchy because the whole thing comes out of church in the bible they talk about it in here the only reason you don't know that they talk about it is here is because you don't read the material no that's the truth you just don't read the material you memorize a couple things like acceptance is the answer to all my you memorize like the safe stuff the stuff that sounds good and acceptance is the answer to all my problems you never have to change you just have to accept you know well you know I guess a job if God wants me to have a job he'll shoot one down to the room here you know while I'm here you know I mean you just sort of accept stuff you know and then you know you just you know first things first easy doesn't all the safe stuff that doesn't require you to change or do anything you know you just don't want to read this crap some of the toughest crap in the whole book and that's why I separate the stuff that says you must be perfect like him grow in his image knowing that you could never be perfect it's probably one of the greatest struggles for me because you know why because I'm an alcoholic which means I prefer to be a screw up I like being a screw up I like the idea of belonging to an organization where we celebrate screw up where you can screw up all you want and nobody will kick you out because it's okay because I'm an alcoholic you know we're going to heaven and Valhalla has nothing to do with my actions I'll never be you can't judge don't take my inventory hey it's carnal don't take my inventory you're not supposed to take my inventory who are you to take my inventory you gotta listen you take your own inventory you know what I mean I can do whatever I want to do in A I just sort of like an organization where I can be the most screwed up idiot guy and do all sorts of things and never suffer any consequences you want something you can't call me on it you can't call me on it because in A you know love and tolerance is our code you know what I mean and you know and just sort of bend the rules so I can be a giant baby and never grow up and never do anything and just wallow in my sins because it ain't about religion you know what I mean you tell someone I just want to you know why I like this organization because it's like perfect for drunks because I can continue to be a drunk in this organization all I have to do is not drink and they'll give me the galleon anyway they might not even elect me king of the room or something like that because they're scared of me or something I don't know unfortunately we have this literature that nobody reads since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose when they drive us blindly or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or do us that is the point at which we don't depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth that is the measure of our character defects or if you wish of our sins why read that stuff but of course in order to read of our sins then you'd have to understand why they use the word sin and what's sin all about then you'd have to go back to the book they were looking at because that's the reason they use the word because the whole thing is based upon the Holy Bible you'd have to look about you'd have to understand a little bit about sin you'd have to understand what sin is you'd have to understand God's relationship to sin and why God wants man to try to be sinless and to be something called righteous and you'd have to understand that deal but why would you want to understand that deal that would require you to actually do something that you don't want to do like read the Bible and grow in a different direction and maybe change and be like those self-righteous jerk-offs that you can't stand and you'd prefer to be sort of like an alcoholic drunk in here and just doing your thing and not grow up and just get mad and pissed off at people that talk like I do because who is he who's so self-righteous that's what you prefer to do because if I'm right then if I'm right then you're not doing shit you're just pretending to be sober and there's more work you can be doing but you're not doing it only because it makes you uncomfortable because you don't have enough time because after all you've got to watch the parakeet and there's girls out there for the guys and guys out there you know guys out there for the girls and other stuff going on and all that sort of deal by anybody who's got less than ten years I'm not even talking to you this ain't even about you don't worry I'm full of shit this is I'm one guy with one with one month just went out the door he's going to commit suicide some people of course make a clue that they are indeed ready to have all all such defects taken from them but even these people if they construct a list of still milder defects will be obliged to admit that they prefer to hang on to some of them therefore it seems plain that few of us can quickly or easily become ready to aim at spiritual and moral perfection we want to settle for only as much perfection as will get us by in life according of course to our various and sundry ideas of what will get us by so the difference between the men and the boys is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for a perfect objective which is of God you know it's the difference between saying well this is good enough this is as good as I can do well you know I'm a screw-up and I'm an alcoholic I can't explain and to look at really the way our creator our God the God of our understanding wants us and you can look all through the big book and you get an idea of how God wants you to live how he wants you to act towards other people how he wants you to think you can find you can choose to associate yourself with people that are going to take your inventory or are going to rebuke you are going to say things to you that you don't like are going to make you uncomfortable or you can choose to hang out with your best friend and my sponsor is like my best friend you know what I mean oh man we're like buds you know what I mean he never gives me any crap he's always kind and loving to me you can hang out with people that you know they're just your friends and never grow and never change and never have anybody lay on anything that makes you uncomfortable or anything you can choose anything you want to do in AA we're big boys girls in here but there is a difference between the men and the boys there's a difference between where the men wind up and where the boys wind up you know the difference has to do with relationships and where they wind up and it may take 10 years for the whole thing to come out I gotta tell you something it's sort of like a struggle for me it really is a difficult thing for alcoholics I'll tell you where I find it difficult you know as you all know I am a Christian and I do a lot of Bible study I have a lot of difficulty with this I have a lot of difficulties with the parts of the Bible and I really want to I gotta tell you something I want to bend them to mean what I think they mean to me and believe me the tendency is what I think the parts of the Bible mean to me that I don't like are the ones that talk about being righteous and being perfect and being like him those are the things that I don't like the most and what I want to do is I just really want to give myself a huge pass on that deal and you know why I want to give myself a pass let me tell you why because I am such a screw up I'm such a screw up you know what I mean and that's and we're all going to work out we're going to now I've I've been working on this deal how can I be a how can I be a person trying to grow in the image and likeness and do what he wants me to do so I can have a better relationship with him yet still understand that I'm a screw up and I'm a screw up all the time and I'm probably never going to be perfect and not feel horrible or condemning about myself and beating myself up all the time because I also want to be I don't want to be guilty and I don't want to be there and I can only tell you this I figured out something to a certain degree which I will not share with you tonight you're going to have to figure out your own deal on that there is there is there is guidance on this somewhere okay this doesn't mean walking around feeling like a piece of crap you know it doesn't mean feeling like a piece of crap and feeling crappy and screwing up because you know even in the bible they all screwed up you know David screwed up we read it last week you know it has something to do with confession because we talked about you know it has something to do with admitting your sins to yourself and other people and to God you know it has something to do with repenting it has something to do with wanting to make things right and making amends to other people it's all written within that deal but it doesn't say be a screw up or it's okay to be a screw up or we like it when you're a screw up what it says is you don't have to let that stop you from moving forward okay and that the men in this deal understand that there are things they can do so they can set their relationship right and move forward even as the world because let me tell you in this world this world I told some gals I said the problem with staying sober in this world is the world just refuses to stop moving no matter what you're doing no matter how hard you're staying sober it just won't stop for you I mean you can't if the doctor says to you I'm sorry we think you have cancer you can't say but I only have 18 months sobriety I can't handle this shit now you know it moves anyway you know what I mean if all of a sudden you lose your job you can't say I can't lose my job I only have 24 months I'm not ready for this you know I mean I mean the world I mean crap happens the world is going to move on stuff is going to happen things it's like this you got this is like a moving target this is like you're going to this thing is moving and moving and moving you're going to wake up tomorrow morning you know thinking a certain thing and every somebody's going to move the furniture the furniture is going to be moved and you're going to say what I got a call from a guy today he had $25,000 in the bank last night when he went to sleep he woke up this morning he had zero somebody went bankrupt they freezed everything and all of a sudden it's gone how would you like to have $25,000 in the bank and you go to sleep with $25,000 there is nothing secure we are powerless you never know what's going to happen you go to sleep thinking one thing next thing you know you got cancer you go to think you're going to go this next thing you know you go that this world is moving it doesn't really care what step you're on it really doesn't care whether you have a sponsor or you don't have a sponsor whether you picked up a chip whether you're drunk or sober it's moving it's an escalator it's moving along at light speed and you're going to have let me tell you something you're going to have to do this thing while you're running do you know what I mean while you're while you're trudging that road it's not going to stop for you and some and you know something you're not going to do it perfectly you're going to drop the ball a couple times you're going to have to figure out this thing on the move you know what I mean as you're going you're going to have to try to put this thing together now here's the good news it's going to get easier it's going to get easier now here's the bad news it's going to get painful because there's going to be pain and that's what it says in the 12 and 12 it says nobody's going to do this stuff that's why there's all the insistence on hitting bottom nobody's going to do this stuff without pain because you'd rather sit back go to meetings and and and like wash the parakeet you don't want to do any of this stuff nobody wants to do any of this nobody wants to you know you're listening to this stuff you say yeah this is good this is great now you're going to go outside and you're going to go home and you're going to forget about everything and so one day five years from now ten years from now when the crunch comes and you get beat up and blah blah blah and something happens you're going to start thinking to yourself maybe I should do wrong blah blah blah you might think about this meeting you might not it might be something that comes to mind you might not even know why you're doing it and you're going to think about stuff all of a sudden you'll find yourself in a bible study somewhere you'll find yourself reading some book that you never thought you'd read or talking to somebody or following somebody you never thought you'd follow and it'll change this thing next thing you know you'll be at a meeting you'll be talking like I'm talking some guy will say man what the hell happened you won't even know where you got it from you won't even remember this meeting you know what I mean you'll just have gone through life sober you'll be hurting and you'll have a desire not to be that way and you'll be moving in a different direction and you know and somehow it'll happen to you and everybody eventually who stays sober and experiences it you know the joy of living and everything comes around to this deal comes around to actually reading this book and understanding this book and accepting this book and getting more and more in the image of life and understanding this book the way it was written and how it was written I understand you know when you're young hip, slick and cool you know what I mean you want to try to get away with as much stuff as you can get away with and do this sort of thing as much as you can do it and feel okay about yourself without really changing that much and not really looking that different from what the world looks like you know the commercials and everything like that and all you want to do is do this sort of thing One is just sort of, like, nobody here wants to be ridiculed or look different or stand out like some sort of weirdo or something like that. But, you know, somewhere down the road when you get to be around 60 years old, like I'm 60 years old, and, you know, you're no longer chasing that deal. Like, the deal is you're chasing. Everything is you're chasing. You know what I mean? And the power key becomes less important, and it becomes more important where you're going to be for eternity and who you are and what you think about yourself and how you feel about yourself. You may find yourself focused and thinking about different things. When the booze isn't a problem and the drugs isn't a problem anymore and you're no longer looking to get laid every night, you know, you're no longer judging about who you are or what you are, whether you have a guy or a gal or a car or any of that stuff. None of that stuff means anything to you. When you're just trying to live happily with your God and be a decent person and feel good about yourself, you may find yourself focused on other things, hanging out with different people. You know, you may find yourself in that deal. And, you know, then, you know, no matter what you think of this talk right now, whatever it is, you might look back on it and you think about it. That is a little bit different. So thank you very much. Let's move on.