Daily Reprieve Means the Alcoholic Mind Gets Treated in This Exact Moment – Bob A.

This is April 28, 1995, prime time, holding the donut, Santa Monica, California, Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Okay, it's ready.
It's my turn.
My name is...
Meeting time.
My name is...
My name is John and I'm an alcoholic.
Please join me in the serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength
and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem.
And help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for AA membership.
We are self-supporting through our own contributions.
AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politic, organization or institution.
Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
We some friends in the first 35 days of
SE 커ýčí, now podľ ifáčíká,
If so, please stand up and ask 45 questions, and then identify, so we can all get to know you.
Hi John, welcome back.
I haven't actually read anybody to do this for somebody like to read chapter 5 how it works
my name is Evelyn and I'm an alcoholic
hi everybody
chapter 5 how it works
rarely have we seen a person fail
who has thoroughly followed our path
those who do not recover are people
who cannot or will not completely give
themselves to this simple program
usually men and women who are
constitutionally incapable of being honest
with themselves there are such
unfortunates they are not at fault
they seem to have been born that way
they are naturally
incapable of grasping and developing
a manner of living which demands
rigorous honesty
their chances are less than average
there are those two who suffer from grave
emotional and mental disorders
but many of them do recover if they have
the capacity to be honest
our stories disclose in a general way
what we used to be like what happened
and what we are like now
if you have decided you want what we
have and are willing to go to any length
to get it then you are ready to take
certain steps
at some of these we balked we thought we
could find an easier softer way
but we could not
with all the earnestness at our command
we beg of you to be fearless and thorough
from the very start
some of us have tried to hold on to our
old ideas and the result was nil until
we let go absolutely
remember that we deal with alcohol
cunning baffling powerful
without help it is too much for us
but there is one who has all power
that one is god may you find him now
half measures availed us nothing
we stood at the turning point
we asked for protection and care with complete abandon
here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery
one we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become
unmanageable
two came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity
three made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood
him
four made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
five admitted to god to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our
wrongs
six were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character
seven humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings
eight made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all
nine made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others
ten continued to take personal inventory
and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
eleven sought to prayer meditation to improve our conscious contact with god as we understood him
praying only for knowledge of his will force and the power to carry that out
twelve having had a spiritual awakening
as the result of these steps
we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles
in all our affairs
many of us exclaimed what an order i can't go through with it do not be discouraged no one
among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles we are not
saints the point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines the principles we have set
down are guides to progress we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection
our description of the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before
and after make clear three pertinent ideas a that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own
lives b that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism and c that god could and
thank you
thank you
this is an open meeting of alcoholics anonymous
we ask only that those identifying
kelman's
themselves as alcoholics participate in this meeting. The hole in the doughnut is a participation
meeting followed by a main speaker. When called upon to participate, please limit your sharing
for three minutes in order that we can get as many people to the podium as possible.
We're not here to talk about drunkologues. We're here to discuss the disease of alcoholism
and the recovery from the disease in our lives today now. And tonight, I'm going to ask me
to start the meeting. Would you start the meeting?
Thank you. Hi, my name is John, and I'm an alcoholic. And I have alcoholism. And all
of a sudden, I have alcoholism real bad. I don't really know why. Well, actually, I do
know why. It's the nature of the disease. I'm so grateful to having discovered this
particular meeting. I heard this message. This meeting, to me, is...
is the most important. Well, this meeting and a couple of other meetings are the most
important things that I do in my life because through this meeting, I've gained an awareness
of this disease of alcoholism. But more important, how this disease affects me and how it affects
me right now. This week, I had a little incident. You know, things have been going really, really
wrong. I have a relationship with a God today, a living God that I carry with me all of the
time. I start my day off, and I have this God and he is a living... I mean, he's a living
God that I just have this constant relationship with. And I'm so grateful to that because
I understand that through that, that's what really keeps me centered and keeps me sane
because I know that my heavenly Father always looks after me. However, I've also... having
come to these meetings and... and... having come to this process, it seems to me that your
and having heard Bob talk and a number of other things,
come to understand or come to be aware more of how this disease of alcoholism affects me.
And earlier on this week, I had a little incident.
My life has been really, really good, but I just had a little incident.
It was just something which just didn't go my way, you know.
It was totally unexpected.
I was expecting something to happen, and it didn't happen.
And, in fact, it happened completely opposite to what I'd expected.
And as Bob talks about, you know, my mind instantaneously is on, and alcoholism is live, you know.
And all of a sudden, I have these raging thoughts going on in my head, you know,
thoughts which are anger, jealousy, all sorts of things.
Totally, I mean, totally insanity.
In a fraction.
One at a time, you know.
And I'm so grateful because I have this, because of the time that I've been coming to these meetings now,
and I have an awareness of how to apply these 12 steps,
how to apply these 12 steps together with the power, the power being God,
and how putting these two things together in my life gives me recovery from this disease, you know.
And in a very short space of time, I realized, I mean,
it happened, and I was crazy for, I don't know, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour maybe.
And even when I had started to get crazy, I mean, in my head,
I knew that I needed to go to this God, and I knew that I needed to apply these 12 steps.
And I did.
I thought I did.
I didn't, because if I had have done it,
I would have had the relief that I'd sorted, because I know that,
one thing I do know is that once I apply these steps and these spiritual principles,
that I do get relief.
But what I found is that I have a brain that tells me I'm doing something when in reality I'm not.
And it's this constant battle with this that I have all the time,
which really keeps me in my disease.
And I've,
I battle with this,
with this concept of application.
It was one of the things that Bob talks, Bob A. talks an awful lot about.
And I had to go to the dictionary and have a look at what does application mean.
And, you know, I found application.
And I, in a sense, this concept of applying a principle and doing something made a lot of sense to me.
But I realized that when I was in this pain earlier on this week,
that the application,
in part,
I was applying it,
but as soon as I was applying it,
I was taking it back.
So I was in this,
I was,
I was asking God to relieve me of self-will and asking him to do something.
And I wasn't allowing him to do it.
And what I've come to understand is that I have to,
the two parts to this is that I have to,
I think,
have the self-discipline
and the awareness to know,
you know,
when that I ask my Heavenly Father to do something and then I apply one of these steps,
the second part of that is for him to do that,
I've got to do something too.
And I've really just got to stop doing what it was that I was doing and shut this brain off.
And it was a really good lesson.
And in a very short space of time,
I had some semblance of peace and serenity.
Actually, I had a lot of peace and serenity.
And, you know,
I would never have had that before.
I would have held on to these little things.
And I would have thought about this problem for a long period of time.
So I really am so grateful.
And now that I know that I have,
you know,
that I have this disease and that it's a disease of my of my thinking,
you know,
it's a disease that's centered in my brain.
And that if I apply these 12 steps,
I can get some relief.
And I'm really grateful for that and for that knowledge.
And with that,
I'll shut up and call on somebody else.
Do you want to come Tom?
Hi, my name is Tom.
I'm an alcoholic.
And.
And I'm just, like, a day back, so, and I went to a meeting at lunchtime.
I've been around the program since 1985, and, you know, I've read how it works and everything like that.
And I guess what I'm doing now is I'm sharing to kind of feel committed straight away.
And what I never managed to do was the fourth step.
And, you know, I'm thinking maybe I should, like, kind of go to that sort of straight away
and just deal with the things I couldn't deal with, you know, because it's absolutely no good.
I've never really felt, you know, so close to something, like, really disastrous kind of happening.
And the last, like, month or two, I've really been, you know, been beginning to sense that something really bad was going to, like, happen.
And I was saying, like, earlier to Roy, you know, like they say, once you've gotten a little bit sober or, you know, a few months dry is probably what I had.
You know, you do hear things.
I mean, last time I was sober for a little while or dry was, like, four years ago.
And they say, you know, oh, you'll hear stuff, like, and it will ruin your drinking and your using.
And it took me, like, a year to finally not hear the stuff, you know, that I'd been trying to pay such close attention to for, you know, several months.
I was eight months sober, I think, four years ago.
And then.
And just the last couple of months, it just started, kept going through my head, like, death, insanity, jail, death, insanity, jail.
And, you know, so I'm not in jail, which is, you know, obviously good.
And I wasn't dead, but, I mean, they're definitely insane.
I mean, like, really, like, out there, you know.
And I guess I'm just glad to be back here and just to kind of feel, like, okay, you know, just to start from the scratch.
And try and do the things that I didn't do that allowed me to, you know, not take the best care of myself I could.
You know, so, yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm an alcoholic.
My name is James.
Hi, James.
Hi, guys.
How are you doing tonight?
I feel so formal up here.
I feel like I'm on the news or something.
Well, it's not news.
I have the disease of alcoholism.
It's working in my mind right now.
It tells me that I'm on safe ground.
It tells me that I know what I'm talking about.
It tells me that I have the answers.
So, I read, and I study, and I journal, and I write, and then I sit in a meeting, and I think I have the answers.
I leave the meeting, and I think I have the answers.
I sit here thinking I have the answers.
The gift for me is that in the moment I'm in, and it's funny because, you know, I always refer back to Bob.
You know, I find myself saying now, right now.
What does that mean, now, right now?
See, I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what now, right now means because all I can do is plan and sit and worry about the future.
I'm worrying about the past or I'm worrying about the future, and I don't even know it because I haven't identified that.
I haven't identified that I have an injured mind.
All I can do is sit and judge, and I do judge even when I think I'm not judging.
Oh, that speaker's sharing good.
Oh, that's not good sharing.
Oh, I like what that guy's wearing.
I don't like what that guy's wearing.
And just continue the conversation.
It just keeps going.
My alcoholism just won't stop.
I mean, I have a radio talk show in there, and it just won't stop.
How am I going to get it to stop?
What is a power greater than myself?
You know, what is the application?
What is this method of living?
What does all this mean, you know, that's in print that Bob refers to all the time?
Not what Bob says, but what Bob refers to, the message that he's carrying.
What is it, and how am I going to find it?
What am I going to do with it?
How is it going to help?
How is it going to help me?
That's my alcoholism.
That's the lack of faith.
That's the closed mind.
That's the debating society.
How is it going to help me?
How am I going to get it?
What does this mean?
I can't just stop and open my mind right now in the moment that I'm in.
I'll feel a certain peace, and I'll move forward in the day in thinking that, you know,
I'm having such a beautiful day, and just like...
Many of you have shared, and I've heard Bob share, and that, you know,
if something doesn't go my way, then I lose it.
But why do I lose it?
Oh, because I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, that's the answer, right?
That's not the answer.
It's not because I'm an alcoholic.
It's because I have an injured mind.
I have the disease of alcoholism, and it's working right now.
It wants to speak instead of letting me speak.
It wants to...
And why does it do that?
And why do I let it do that?
Because my...
My dependency on my life has been on the alcoholism and on self-reliance,
on listening to what it says to me for direction, what it gives me for direction.
So then I need a higher power.
My dilemma is lack of power.
Where am I going to get this power, and what does that mean?
And how am I going to get this power if I only go to a meeting and don't do anything else?
You know?
So I come to a meeting for an hour and a half, and as Bob is fond of saying,
and that's going to change me?
That's going to make me a changed man?
I'm going to leave the meeting.
Now I'm going to be different.
I got cured in the meeting.
I make an effort on a daily basis in the moment that I'm in, even with even with the issues that I have.
Some of you are closer to me than others here.
And some people know me very personally and know that I have, you know, human issues.
And of course, then the alcoholism tells me that if I'm in the application, I shouldn't have any issues.
But the application never takes.
tells me that I'm going to be perfect right now.
The application doesn't tell me that I'm going to be perfect right now.
Nothing in print tells me that I'm going to be perfect right now.
But if I'm not going to be perfect right now, I should give up, right?
Because I can never be perfect.
What's the use?
Why do I need to apply these things?
Because I need peace.
I want to live in peace.
And I want to recognize what's going on in my subconscious.
I want to see it when it comes up, when it manifests itself in my alcoholic behavior.
I don't want to walk around, like Perry says, working the first step and the tenth step.
I'm sorry, I'm an alcoholic.
Step one, I admitted I'm an alcoholic, and step ten, continued to make amends.
Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that I'm an alcoholic.
I'm grateful to be here today.
I'm...
I'm living in the message today.
I'm living in the message right now.
For lack of better words, you know, I fight the good fight.
I struggle to live in the moment, in the message, right now, and I'm glad to be a part of this
living, breathing message, because my alcoholism is a living, breathing thing right now.
And as I've heard Bob say, and I've proved this to myself many times before, the longer
I'm sober, the smarter my disease gets, because the smarter I get.
And the easier it fools me.
And then I...
But I go around thinking, man, I've got some time, and I'm a recovered alcoholic.
And then I still produce confusion and cause damage in other people's lives.
And I don't want to do that right now.
And thanks for listening.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks all.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And I have a disease of alcoholism.
And I'm really grateful to be here, and I'd just like to take the time to thank God for
bringing us here.
We went the wrong way on the freeway and had to double back and come back and, um...
Like Bob was saying in the women's stag on last night.
All right.
All right.
All right.
How he thanked God for small things and how he associated his life to things like even like a simple phone call.
And it's like, so who am I going to give the credit to for bringing me here, you know, God, you know.
And today I'm learning to associate my life more with God.
Since I've been in the workshop and we've been talking about alcoholism, ego, and self,
and the primetime message, it's so overwhelming and so great for me
because for like 20 years I've tried so many things and methods
and I thought I just at times really had it going on like in church
and being married to a minister and things like that.
And I just thought I knew God so well.
I thought it was about, you know, sitting in church seven days a week and all like that.
But today I'm learning I can have God wherever I am.
And just, I don't know, just the application itself is just so different
and the meetings that I've been going to and the way I've been doing it, you know.
And sober, you know, I've been sober before and I always wound up drunk and going back into a recovery home.
But even the times when I was sober before, before learning about or being aware of alcoholism, ego, and self,
and applying the steps, living the steps, I don't know, I just didn't have anything.
I was just sober.
But like it says in the Alcoholics Anonymous,
any man or woman who thinks that sobriety alone is enough is unthinking.
So I'm glad to have something more, you know, than just being sober, you know,
and going to meetings and talking about drunkologues and, I don't know, God is so good.
I don't have to be an agnostic anymore, you know, for God to be so grateful,
graceful to give me Alcoholics Anonymous in an application.
He has to love me, you know, and I'm learning to love myself.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hi, my name is Tim.
I'm an alcoholic.
And I've been in my head a lot lately and it's been very hard.
It's good to be here tonight.
Yeah, just really seeing how my mind does tell me things and talk to me.
And I've been going to a lot of meetings, but it doesn't seem to help sometimes.
I've heard people say it's the only disease that tells you you don't have a disease.
And that's how I've been feeling lately, that I don't have a disease,
or maybe I'm different, or maybe it's okay, or maybe I have some other problems.
And I even went to see a therapist this weekend.
And that was like an expensive experience.
And it wasn't what it was about at all.
I mean, what we talked about, I know what I need to do.
I just need to do it.
I need to apply those steps and do what's been suggested to me.
Sometimes I get in this place, though.
Well, it's fine.
I find it really, really hard to get out of.
And I don't know.
When I'm not in that place, I see things clearly, and it's fine.
But the last few weeks have been really tough.
And I've reached out, and I've made phone calls, and I've done what's suggested,
but I'm still having a hard time.
But I don't know.
It's alive.
It's doing well, yeah.
But my higher power does.
I've just seen how I have to align myself with what my higher power wants for me
and not what I want, because I've wanted certain things to happen,
and they haven't been happening.
And I've been miserable.
But other things have been happening in this place in between.
And maybe that's what's meant to be happening to me right now.
Maybe that's why I have no work right now.
Just so I have time to do other things or to look,
to have some time to get to a place where I feel so lonely and so sad
that maybe I need to get to feel that for a while
rather than keep being busy and avoid those feelings.
All right.
Yeah, I don't know.
God is really good.
Sometimes I have a hard time seeing that.
But I'm grateful to be here tonight.
Thanks.
My name is Evelyn, and I'm still an alcoholic.
I'm not fully recovered.
And I never will be.
I'm in a personal dilemma right now.
And I was really glad when I talked to my girlfriend today.
And she told me about this meeting.
And I was just going to sit home and do nothing, you know,
just read and watch TV.
And then I got real antsy.
And I thought, well, I know that the program works.
And I know that I've found, this is my experience,
that when I'm...
I don't want to go to a meeting, and I end up going,
I always hear what I need to hear,
and I always feel what I need to feel.
So I'm really glad to be here tonight.
The steps to me is all about change.
It's not necessarily the change in you.
But it's the changes in me.
And I find that the changes in me,
somehow or other, my outlook towards you is different.
And somehow or other you've changed.
And I know it's really inside.
The steps have made me realize that this is a job within and without.
And that what I have learned in Alcoholics Anonymous just does not extend to the people
that I associate with AA.
And I think that's a good thing.
And I think that's a good thing.
And I think that's a good thing.
But I try and do what I can with the principles of AA in my everyday job.
I've always believed that I have been a religious person all my life.
And it is through AA that I have learned the difference between religion and spirituality.
Because to me, this is a spiritual program.
And I get sidetracked.
And I do and act certain things that I know that I shouldn't probably be doing.
And sometimes I'm just powerless to do anything about it.
But through the grace of God, the dilemmas that I've been faced with this year,
I've managed to, through the grace of God, I've been able to do what I can.
I've managed to not take one drink.
And it's all been, and I've had to go back and say, go back to what I used to do when
I first got sober was that I used to, when I first got sober, I gave up my job as a nurse
because I was afraid I was going to do the other stuff.
So I would do my work day 15 minutes a day.
I would go first 15 minutes, I'd say, thank you God, I made it.
And then the next 15 minutes, thank you God, I made it.
And then pretty soon my shift would be over.
And I've had to do that.
I've had to go back and do that this past four months is that I've just had to just go back
and say, you know, thank you God for letting me make it through this last 15 minutes or whatever.
I'm real grateful for this program.
And I'm real grateful for the friends that I've made in this program.
And AA has given me.
Three things that I had lost a long time ago.
AA has given me back my soul, AA has given me back my conscience, and AA has given me back my life.
Thank you.
Okay.
Okay thank you.
Hi my name is I'm an alcoholic.
For me.
My disease of alcoholism, which is constantly on and has been today,
today.
Working very strongly, I'm aware of there's an application.
And I've had these great days before.
But my mind still, me, I won't allow myself, for me,
I still want to do an easier, softer way kind of thing.
I mean, I'm on safe ground.
You know, where I'm at today, I feel real, my ego and self is real strong.
And I'm looking at people and I'm looking at situations
and I'm looking at life, how now I can take control of my life again
and really do what I think is what's good for me.
What I need to do rather than have a presence of a higher power or a God for me in my life
and constantly associating and relating my life to that.
Right now, for me, my God, the God that I do believe in,
I put him on the back burner because I feel like I, for me,
I'm going in all the right directions.
And let me tell you, right now, I'm restless, irritable and discontent.
My...
My...
My...
My...
My self-will is very strong.
And the thing is, I don't feel like I'm so far,
that it's going to take a long time to get back to where I was before,
that I've got to go backwards to, you know, to start the steps all over again.
It's right here.
But what I'm relating to is for me in my...
I'm just, I'm a power and I'm the wrong kind of power.
And the power that I am just looks at the world with a lot of,
with a lot of anger, not hate, just a lot of anger.
And rather than giving, asking God to help me with this anger,
I'm just, I'm going, I'm trying to justify that by, well,
that they're not doing it right or I have the right to do this
because I'm here and they're there and so on and so forth.
Thank you for calling me.
Thank you.
So we'll have...
No, 7th edition.
Oh, 7th, sorry, 7th edition.
Please be general.
Please be.
We've been running kind of short here.
So if anybody can maybe help out a little more.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
We've got a 10-minute coffee break.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Please welcome our main speaker for this evening.
Our main speaker is Bob A.
Hi, everyone. I'm Bob, an alcoholic.
I don't want to sit down.
Stand up, Bob.
Yeah.
Well, it's good to see you all here.
You know, this business, again, starting out, talking about the reason to be here
and speaking of the disease of alcoholism as a disease.
You know, there's so many ways that I know myself
to start the meeting off, you know, because of the description of the alcoholism.
But I believe that something has to be started first.
And the reason why that this meeting here, especially this meeting,
and there's a couple other to follow it, too, is that the disease of alcoholism
is always called a disease, but it's always called by name.
In other words, it's a disease of alcoholism without anything behind that.
In reference to what it is and how it appears and why and why doesn't it go away
and why can't you cut it out or treat it or get rid of it.
First I had to know, though, is that I had to recognize the purpose of coming here to Alcoholics Anonymous.
I don't know how many of you come here for what reason,
but I came out of an alcoholic hospital and there was no place else to go but here.
And I had no choice.
I was broke and I lost my job.
And the wife and everything else.
And so I had a sponsor.
And the sponsor that I had, he paid my bills.
He paid my hospital bills.
And he got my apartment.
The rent paid and some food in there.
And then he also made arrangements to get my job back.
And I went and got a job.
I didn't get the same job back, but I got another job.
And then for the longest time, coming to Alcoholics Anonymous,
is that I was alive and I was sober.
And I was going to meetings and I was the same man, sober, as I was drunk.
And I stayed that way for two and a half years.
And that two and a half years, you know, you've got to realize that there's got to be something
that kept me out in the world drunk or kept me in a world that was really a vicious world.
I come from a tough life, believe me.
I can tell you stories you won't believe.
But that hasn't got anything to do with what we're doing here now,
but it does have a lot to do with
finding out the reason why I come to Alcoholics Anonymous
and I still come to Alcoholics Anonymous.
And I come here, and I come here all the time.
I live in Alcoholics Anonymous.
My total life is Alcoholics Anonymous.
But you wouldn't know it, but I'll tell you about some of it.
And I believe it has to be told that way because of what it is about the mind,
about my mind, not yours.
I'm never speaking about anybody, nobody but me.
This is strictly my own opinion.
It's strictly what happened to me because of the booze and because of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And this, I believe, has to be offered or at least presented
because from one time I lived in a world, a tough world.
I lived with waking up in hospitals and getting hurt and hurting people.
And I mean seriously, too.
I mean, I've had almost every bone broken in my body, either by fighting or accidents or something.
The disease of alcoholism is not in the world that I thought it was in.
The disease of alcoholism is in my mind.
And I don't know the difference between my mind and the world that I live in.
And if you don't show me or tell me or help me see me or see the disease that I do,
then I'll miss the mark again because it was already said here tonight.
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing as getting angry.
It's just one thought.
So instant.
So quick.
Just one thought.
And I'll do more damage than you can possibly imagine.
And it hasn't got a damn thing to do with God or the meetings or time or nothing like that at all.
But to know this, though, I know for sure that I, myself personally, I have to have this daily.
Daily means today, this day.
I can speak that way because it is daily now.
But before, though, what I'm talking about is before is coming to Alcoholics Anonymous
and then come here and not know the reason why I'm coming here.
To go to meetings and to sit at meetings and be, and I was totally helpless, absolutely helpless,
because I didn't know what I was doing.
I didn't know how to do anything other than what I do do.
And what I do always is wrong.
It always gets into trouble or goes into the disease of alcoholism.
I know how to function.
I know how to work.
I know how to go to work sober, come home sober.
I know how to drive my car up until the time my mind takes over.
And then I lose that, too, see.
So alcoholism, I think, you know, like I talk about in Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a vocabulary here.
There really is a vocabulary that we all have.
And we learn to study and study and study this vocabulary from the big book and the acorns of alcoholism.
The big book and the acorns of age, 12 by 12, maybe Sermon on the Mount, Dr. Tebow, different things.
And so I get, I have a mind that's full of information.
And all this information that's full of is already in print.
And this information that's there is for my life.
And I don't know that, though.
And I don't even take any, I pay no attention to certain words.
I just go ahead and act like the day I'm in.
I just act as I choose, as I think it's necessary or needed.
I go ahead and I perform.
And I perform sometimes with anger, sometimes with jealousy, and sometimes with intolerance or impatient.
I'm a great man for that.
I think that your mind should be as quick as mine.
And as fast as I understand something or hear something, I think you should, too.
And if you ask me, what do you say, I'm going to feel bad inside because I think you should have heard it the same way I heard it.
Why aren't you listening?
You know, and stuff like that.
You see, I'm talking about a mind in the world I live in today.
I'm talking about today's life.
I'm talking about something, the ism, the alcoholism.
And this alcoholism, it never dies.
It's never a wasn't.
The only time it dies is if I die or the alky dies.
And then the disease will die with it.
That's got to be learned and accepted.
That's got to be something to look at.
Because, you know, each one of us, I know darn well.
I know for sure that your own good behavior or your own good deeds or maybe your time in AA might give you the thought that you can do something today because you're well equipped.
You have a track record, a pretty good one.
You're going along and things are pretty smooth.
You've got your wife and she loves you and different things are going on and everything's cool.
All of a sudden, something happens.
It doesn't make no difference what it is.
It could be big or small.
It could be important or unimportant.
And then all of a sudden, here comes the mind.
Here comes the power.
Here comes self.
And then I don't care what I say or do about somebody else, about their feelings, about their hurts or their harms or anything else.
I can injure people real bad.
And I can injure them with my mouth only.
It used to be a lot of ways, but with my mouth alone.
And I never once ever take that into consideration.
You know, I had a guy.
He was a doctor.
He died tonight.
And I was coming down off of La Cienega over there.
And I pulled down the freeway in there.
And it's jammed.
And I'm coming on the ramp, you know.
And I'm coming in, turn signals on.
And he's blowing his horn at me like you can't believe.
The traffic's moving.
It's moving about five miles an hour at the most.
And he doesn't want me in there.
He doesn't want me in there.
And ordinarily, you know, the old blood would rush right to my head.
You know.
It would.
It would.
If the disease of alcoholism, see it never dies, you know.
It never dies.
It's always there.
But to take that as something and then just to regard it, you know, I can't do that, see.
Because there's such a thing that I know of and there are ominous signs.
These are called ominous signs to me.
And the ominous signs are when I started getting intoxicated.
When I start getting angry, when I start judging you, criticizing you,
I think you're a little bit off first base or something about you that displeases me,
or it could be anything else either.
It doesn't even have to be a person.
And so there's a message here in Alcoholics Anonymous,
and this message I talk about is about the disease of alcoholism.
You know, a long time ago I had to, let's see, this was, gosh,
this was a Tuesday night over at Brendo a couple weeks ago, I guess it was,
and a guy asked me a question, you know, from the audience,
and a question, you know, a valid question, a good question.
But it brought back something in my mind that I forgot, I didn't forget about,
but I just didn't pay much attention to.
And he asked me, because I talked about, I talked about,
I better wait.
I better wait.
I better wait.
I better wait.
I better wait.
I better wait.
I talked about the invisible line that used to be talked about
when I first come to Alcoholics Anonymous.
When I first come to Alcoholics Anonymous,
there was a talk always about the invisible line.
that when you cross the invisible line, you lose the power of choice.
You can't go back.
You're an alcoholic with alcoholism.
There's no way.
The booze has got you now, and you're that way forever.
Well, it brought back more than just that.
The invisible line that each one crosses that says that they're an alcoholic with alcoholism, like me,
is that I not only lost the power of choice over the booze, but I lost the power of choice over living.
And here in step one, when it talks in step one, where I admit I'm powerless over alcohol, dash, my life's unmanageable.
My life's unmanageable.
First, when I was drunk.
Now I'm sober.
It's unmanageable.
And it's unmanageable forever.
Forever.
Never will it ever be manageable by me.
Never.
And so here's this invisible.
This invisible line that I used to think and talk a great deal.
I was told many, many things back then about the alcohol and about the invisible line.
But the invisible line is on right now for each and every one of us that has alcoholism.
Because you lost the power of choice of the mind, where your mind by itself can function no greater than it can.
The same mind that kept you drunk is the same mind you use today being sober.
That I have to learn.
I have to accept that.
And the reason I have to accept it is because it's in the big book.
It's on page 23.
And then on the step one in your 12 by 12, it says glass in hand.
I warp my mind.
I know what a warped mind is.
I really know.
I don't know if you know, but I know.
And then even in two, when it says in two, they'll admit that I'm a problem drinker.
But in fact, it won't admit I'm mentally ill.
See, all of these things I'm talking about is a vocabulary.
It's part of a way of life.
It's a method of living.
It's something that guides me, directs me.
It powers me.
It gives me a head, a mind that I can use in a day on end with references
so that I don't have to go back to where I was
or I can stay with a power that's greater than me
instead of trying to figure it out after I get in trouble.
Because, you know, when there's words like acceptance, there's willingness and surrender,
all of these here are not just single words.
I had to look them up in the dictionary.
And as I looked each one up in the dictionary,
I found out that there's more.
There's more application going on than I ever thought dreamed possible
out of one word that I thought I knew a great deal about.
Because I thought that it meant the willingness now.
Willingness would be willingness to come to this meeting.
That's a willingness.
But I didn't know that that's a principle.
That's a truth.
That the willingness has to be in the character that I am.
So the willingness is there for everything in my life.
And I don't know that.
You see, the reason it's got to be for everything in my life,
is because I'm backed up by a power
that makes it possible
that I can be willing in all of my affairs.
Because it's a power greater than me.
And it's called God.
See, there's so much to this Alcoholics Anonymous program of recovery.
There's so many things that I bypass.
I go to meetings like this, or some meetings, not just meetings, some meetings.
And a great deal is being said.
But what's being said is no more than maybe,
troubles, tragedy, harms, yesterday's life,
your neighbor, your wife, your kids, your job, whatever it is.
It's talked about as a struggle.
Man, if this life was a struggle for me, I wouldn't want to be in it.
Because I know the good life, and I want the good life.
I also know the bad life.
See, for me to talk this way, I believe it's information,
I believe it's food, and I believe it's spiritual food.
I believe that each one of us, as alcoholics with alcoholism,
have crossed over a line where your life's unmanageable by yourself.
Because every time I go to self, every single solitary time I go to me,
I get the same thing back that I've done before.
My past is always my future.
What I did yesterday, I'll do today.
Now, my past record tells me that because I performed like that too many times for too many years.
And this has got to be considered.
Exactly.
Why did I come to alcoholics?
Anonymous?
Just to talk about what?
Why can't we, all of us, any of us that come here,
why can't we be strengthened, guided, directed, powered by God at a meeting like this?
Because this is what it's all about.
That's bottom line for alcoholics anonymous.
I'm talking about alcoholics anonymous now.
I'm talking about 12 steps.
I'm talking about a purpose of being here tonight.
Step 11 is the only step that I know I can grow spiritually,
where it says,
I sought through prayer,
and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God,
as I understood him,
praying only for the knowledge of his will for me and a power to carry that out.
What's that mean?
That means exactly right now.
The relationship that I must have is a conscious relationship.
What's a conscious relationship?
As I function,
I'm God conscious.
God gives me strength, gives me power.
He also sets it up so that I could do his will.
And I've got the power to carry it.
Man, it blows me away.
It really does.
Because of the different things that have happened and has happened,
and it's still happening to my life only by the grace of God,
meaning his grace.
You know,
I told you,
remember Monday night,
I told you guys,
the guys that were here in the stag,
I told them about,
I was gotten away to the meeting up to,
I was going up this past Getty Drive in a 405,
you know,
and that iron of mine,
all of a sudden,
it's boy,
it got red hot and steamed and whistled,
and I had to pull over.
And I finally got over and it burned,
and I stopped and raised the hood.
It's out of water,
you know?
And so,
so just,
just a few,
few,
few,
very short,
few minutes later,
you know,
here comes a car stops,
you know,
and the guy gets out and he says,
you need any help?
And I said,
yeah,
I think I do.
And so,
you look at it and the radiator caps been off.
So the water's all boiled out.
And so,
he says,
I used to,
there's a gas station back here.
I'll drive you back.
So he drove me back to this gas station.
I bought a,
a gallon of,
of antifreeze.
And,
and the guy gave me another empty gallon to put water in it.
And this,
your guy,
this angel that picked me up,
took me,
he,
he done the work,
Steven.
So,
you know,
he,
I paid for it,
but he did the work.
So we drove back.
And as we drive back to my car,
you know,
he said to me,
he says,
you know,
he said,
it's strange.
He says,
he says,
you know,
normally I work till six o'clock and this was five o'clock seeing.
And he said,
normally I worked till six o'clock.
He said,
but I took off.
It's four o'clock today.
And that's all.
He just say,
he made a statement.
It's all he did.
So,
you know,
so then he puts the stuff in my iron and close the hood.
And the way we go,
you know,
now that's,
that's an,
that's an angel.
See the meaning,
see,
you know,
because of the fact that,
that,
uh,
out of all of that traffic and of all of them cars,
and they're all in such a big hurry and everything else like that.
And he said,
he just banged just like that.
As quick as I got there,
he,
he was there,
you know?
And the reason I'm telling you that is because that's the way my life is.
Been for so many years,
it's been guided and protected.
It's been,
I've been given the gift from God that I can have in this day that I'm in a relationship to live with a living God so that I don't have to go to where I normally have to go or I need to go.
And that's the self to figure out life.
Alcoholics Anonymous.
You see,
there's so much to talk about,
I believe,
and especially about the disease,
because I found out,
for myself,
that what good are steps?
Man,
I study steps for a long time.
I got a sponsor,
the step man,
a real step,
God,
man,
a real man that lives that way and everything.
But you see,
I never knew the purpose of steps because I tried to do them the way I believe that's the way that they should be done.
I was going along for,
for quite a while and I was doing good.
I've got money in my pocket.
I own possessions that pay for them.
And things like that.
But you see,
I never changed inside.
I never changed at all.
I was always,
I was always fighting things.
I was always quarreling with things.
I was always looking outwardly all the time and seeing things that didn't please me and made me upset.
And yet though God was showering me every day with health and job and a wife and a home and everything you could name.
I had it and I knew I had it,
but I didn't,
I didn't count my blessings.
They weren't blessings to me.
They weren't.
They were things I worked for.
They were things that I bought with my money.
And as I lived,
I stayed in the disease of alcoholism.
I stayed in a mind that was injured.
It was worked.
I stayed in a mind that always did the same thing.
Thought about self first.
Always thinking about me.
Selfish me.
Always trying to see me for what I can get out of the situation.
Just going on and on.
Now,
there's a lot.
To consider here when I talk like that,
because I'll tell you why is because the disease of alcoholism.
It's not in the individual only because it is as a disease,
but the harm that comes out of that person,
that individual against others.
That was me.
The guys I worked with man.
I hated their guts.
All of them.
Any of them didn't make living through their work.
I had something going all the time,
man.
I had a mind that was a dissatisfied mind.
I had a mind that was a power and that mind controlled me,
you know,
and I wouldn't look another person in the eye.
I'd go to meetings,
you know,
believe me,
I'd go to meetings and I've been sober a while.
I'm going into years.
I've been sobered.
You know,
I couldn't look you in the eye because of who I really am inside.
And I knew who I was and I knew what I did,
how I treated my neighbor,
how I thought I kept it.
In my brain all the time.
Never once knowing the disease of alcoholism is going to kill me.
It's going to wreck my life is it's the same reason on page 53 in your step
for where it says I have the total inability to form a true partnership with
another human being.
You see,
I always took them readings and I always took them kind of things as something
that had went by.
It was long time ago.
I never put nothing in the present moment when I started to get time and
I got two and a half years before I made a beginning here.
And then I went they started I got three and a half years.
I had a wife.
She got sick on a Thursday and died on a Sunday morning.
So then I went ahead and as I went ahead,
I kept doing things doing things doing things and all of a sudden everything's
in the past.
Everything's in the past.
I don't know how to live in the now.
I don't know how to live for the present moment.
I'm looking backwards all the time thinking about the trouble tragedy adversity,
the struggle.
I had to get where I was and to get what I got in my life as I live my life in
the day.
I was in it was no different at all.
No different than the other other years before I was sober longer.
You could say that much but they didn't mean anything.
I still the same man.
I was still getting angry.
I got depressed.
I got furious.
I kept thinking all the time about all the stuff.
I lost all the stuff.
I only had this.
I've only had this.
I only had that.
I hadn't done this.
I hadn't done that.
I was in I was in a world of kindness goodness.
I was in a world of beautiful people and I couldn't see him.
I couldn't see him.
The reason I couldn't see him because I do something wrong with me and it's
called alcoholism.
It's a mind that controls me.
It's a mind that looks at other don't mean there's who they are.
You could have a girlfriend and you could look at her and you could hate her guts.
She probably the best girl you have in your life.
But you don't think so.
So you go along in life.
That's and I'm talking about me.
Now.
I'm not talking about anybody else.
I've done this so many times.
I'd get a girlfriend.
I'd throw away.
It was one.
I had to get was better now and I throw her away.
This is this is the truth in a way.
I threw her away.
I treated her wrong.
I heard her abused her used her.
This is a story of the disease of alcoholism.
This is real life.
I'm talking about.
This is why alcoholics Anonymous.
Meetings like this.
Why can't all of us any of us benefit and find them to find a life.
That belongs to each and every one of us through the grace of God.
It's all in print.
Everything I say is in print.
I'm not telling you nothing at all about me that I created.
Man.
I'm the messenger.
I'm not the message.
The message is already in print.
For each and every one of us and you know the hardest thing I know for me and today I see it in others to the hardest.
Thing is to give him the hardest thing is to quit.
The hardest thing is to put more effort out more effort for your own life.
When my life became important to me man.
I wouldn't stop.
I just kept going man.
I'd go anywhere anytime any place to receive help.
I wouldn't care.
I stayed up night after night after night, but for my life, I stayed up for nobody else because my life is important to me.
There's so much to have.
Why should I delay my own progress?
I delayed my own progress in the beginning, but I knew it.
Why shouldn't I have today?
All I can have got all offered to me.
God will present it to me.
You'll open the doors.
You'll put the people in my life.
The telephone's ringing.
Everything is there for me.
All I have to do is just perform perform.
Quit thinking the way I always think in terms of oh, it's too much trouble or some whatever the excuse is reasoning of some kind.
I don't know how many meetings you went to but I've lived at meetings until I come to a place of my life and I found out that meetings don't change the character.
They don't treat alcoholism.
They could but they don't the only thing that treats alcoholism is application of 12 steps for the moment.
I'm in to build a new character that I can live in the day.
I'm in now.
This is a hard message to hear now.
Believe me.
This is a real tough message.
But it's the only message there is it's a program recovery because of why because of a building of a changing of a character that each and every one of us has to do collectively.
It's written in the form of we ourselves us them they and all that but singularly the eye the me when I learn the change in anything I read.
I admitted I'm powerless over alcohol that my life's unmanageable.
I came to believe in a power greater me to restore me.
I need a sanity.
I made a decision to turn my will of my life over to care of God as I understand them.
I made a searching and fearless moral inventory.
It goes on and on see before it was always the we see I did it.
I know what's going on.
I've done that now it's your turn.
You need it more than I do this collective business had to get out of my brain.
I had to start looking inwardly inwardly in me and that meant more than just looking inwardly.
That meant.
Everything about me the way I function the way I think the way I look at you whoever you are and what I think of you and how I judge you criticize you.
You see this what I'm talking about is what I need to have my disease treated.
I have to have a mind just empty of me.
It's got to be this way.
It says so in step two is such to says that I must have an open mind truly an open mind.
It says I have to quit arguing.
Quit debating.
What's debating?
How many times did you debate today?
Are you today?
How many things have went down today that your mind has given given you a lot of information against it or for it?
Even doesn't mean no difference.
I had to learn how this is a singular individual program of recovery.
This is what I'm talking about.
I can't do it for you and you can't do it for me.
The things that I say they're just words.
They're worthless.
I know they are.
But there is a direction.
There is a method.
There is a way here.
Not always synonymous.
And this is about step application.
And this is about now.
And I mean not right at this meeting now because of it isn't here now.
Where is it?
It's a Neverland.
I never do that.
My sponsor told me when I wake up in the morning.
If I don't have a program recovery, I don't have one.
And what he was telling me.
It's the character that I am.
If I'm not that character now, I'll never be that character.
I'll figure that one out.
That's a death warrant that each and every one of us comes here and we fool with our lives.
I'm not picking on your life, but I'm telling you what I did to mine.
I fooled with my life too.
And I stayed with myself so long.
And I said words back to people special people.
I love and hurt him.
Wanted to her.
Deliberately hurt.
Deliberately say something to him.
The chop of cut him because I felt bad inside or because I felt they needed to be treated that way.
And my Heavenly Father says, no, you don't act that way in the morning.
This is all about a program recovery by principles, which are truths that I live by.
And it starts out immediately.
It starts out in step one building a character.
Building a character that I can be now.
I used to think that I had to go through 12 steps.
After I go through 12 steps, I'm going to be okay.
Now I can go out in the world and face the world.
No such thing.
I have to build a character today with what's there today to build with, and that's God and the program recovery.
That's now.
That's right now.
This is no joke.
This is life and death proposition.
This is a port of last call.
This is prime time.
Can be no better than right now.
This is serious business.
Because I'll tell you, if it's your life like it's my life, I'm not going to throw my life away anymore.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to look at you, whoever you are, and have thoughts go through my brain that hurt me, not you.
And these are the things that I used to entertain all the time.
Thoughts in my mind about you, whoever you are.
The self-honesty in self.
I had to learn a great deal about self-honesty.
My sponsor.
My sponsor taught me about self-honesty.
It's the hardest thing in the world to learn.
It's the hardest thing for me to learn, is the self-honesty.
Because self can deceive self so easy.
One rationalization, one excuse, and the blame's on you.
The self-honesty is something I had to keep looking at, looking at, looking at all the time.
I had to keep pushing myself wherever I was at.
Wherever I'm at.
Because inside of me, this morning, I had a thought when I was taking a shower.
And it's about somebody.
And immediately, I started to put it into energy.
And man, I'm telling you, I apologized to God in such a big hurry, you couldn't believe it.
Because I thought he deserved to have them thoughts about him.
You see, it's possible for all of us, any of us, that this can happen to you in one split second.
The disease of alcoholism, it was not treated.
When would you treat it?
Just exactly, when would you treat it?
Do you have to wait until you get in trouble?
Do you have to have the thought that hurts you and then treat it?
Why can't it be like it's supposed to be?
I know for sure that my Heavenly Father is with me, taking care of me.
No harm will come to me.
No temptation is going to take me away from his power, his consciousness.
This is something important to know.
See, before, I was always picking and choosing.
I know that.
I'm an Alcoholics Anonymous.
I was always claiming this, claiming that.
I studied.
I do study.
I still study.
I study all the time.
But you see, I use that for an excuse.
I use that for something so that I'm a little bit better than you.
I know more than you.
I've been at it longer than you.
I know what this means, that means.
But the second I do any of this stuff like that, who's telling who what?
What mind is talking now?
Is this God's mind or my mind talking?
All of these things to me are important.
They are important.
I don't want to live in a world I know that's out there.
I don't want to go back there no more.
And I know I don't need to go back there anymore.
Alcoholism as a disease, believe me, I'm not even talking about steps.
But I believe you should know.
I believe this.
If you're an alcoholic like me, you should know the disease of alcoholism because of how it attacks your mind.
How it controls you with such power.
How you lose all your strength.
How you'll get so frightened and so fearful inside because you got to go to court.
I've been to court many times.
And I've been to court for some heavy stuff too.
And I know for sure what I'm talking about.
I sat in a chair alongside the judge one time.
And I lost my stomach.
I lost everything I stood for.
And I was scared to death.
And it took me about two seconds to realize what I was doing.
And I asked my Heavenly Father to help me, be with me, guide me, protect me.
And instantly, I was all right again.
I was laying on a bed.
And there's a guy in here, right in the back there that was there.
When a doctor came in and told me that I was going to die, I had less than 5%.
He said, you're going to have to say goodbye to your family.
You're not going to make it.
There's a guy back there that was there when it was said.
And I lost it too for maybe an hour or so before I realized exactly what the heck is going on.
What's really going on.
You see, there's a message here in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And it's the same for all of us.
Whatever you have today, whatever you deem important, whatever's going down or anything else like that,
I know for sure that there's a power here greater than all of us.
And it's called God.
It comes from an application of 12 steps.
It'll do for you today whatever needs to be done for your needs today.
But it has to be there for that reason.
This is not a praying God.
This isn't a God of favors or partitions.
This is a living God.
It's a living God that's in my mind.
This is a living God I learned here in Alcoholics Anonymous that is associated with all of my affairs.
That's what it says in step 12.
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to alcoholics
and practice these principles in all my affairs.
What's my affairs?
What's principles?
Principles are truths.
What's my affair?
Anywhere my mind goes, anything it thinks of, whatever it does, that's my affair.
And so you see, for Alcoholics Anonymous, the message I believe you can talk forever on.
But the seriousness of it.
The seriousness of it has to be described.
This is spiritual food that I'm talking about.
This is food for your mind.
The vocabulary that you can use in your mind today is already there to use.
And this here is always about recovery.
It's always about recovery.
It's not about failure.
It's not about losses.
It's not about yesterday's life.
It's the now.
Right now.
Meaning now.
If it isn't now, when would it be?
When could you treat alcoholism if you don't treat it now?
You can't treat it when you wake up in the morning.
If it isn't treated now, it's never treated.
Man, I had to accept that.
That's the message for me.
I believe.
That's the message that I carry.
But the message that I carry, believe me this, everything I've said, if any of you guys are in doubts,
any of you think that this is not in print, ask me about this later on.
I'll show you exactly where it's at.
I'll show you exactly what it means in step application.
To have a power in your life.
A power greater than any human power.
And then three came and it says I made a decision to turn my will of my life over to carry God as I understood him.
Understood him from two.
He's the power that can do what I can't do.
Thank you, Bob.
Are there any seconders or announcements for us?
Royal alcoholic.
Royal alcoholic.
Let's sign our court cards and court papers at the podium at the end of the meeting up at the table here.
Let's thank John for leading a good meeting.
We need a couple of guys to stack the chairs and the racks up at the end of the meeting.
I see a couple of hands.
One, two, three.
And someone help break down this coffee pot.
That's all from me.
See you next week.
Very on point.
We've got some primetime tapes up here.
We've got Bob and the Monday Night Men's Diagnome meeting.
A couple of workshops.
And some flyers at another primetime meeting out at the Diamond Beach 7 a.m.
Come see me after the meeting.
Any other message?
Any other announcements?
Not for a moment.
Silence for the alcoholic who still suffers really.
And we'll join me in the Lord's Prayer.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses.
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
Keep coming back.
We're working.
We're working.
Okay, period.
We're working on that.
Come on.
We can have a few more minutes.
No problem.
One more minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
One minute.
Thank you.
Thank you.