Daily Reprieve and Spiritual Maintenance – Workshop – the Lost Tapes – Part 2 of 8 – Mark H.

The attitude toward liquor has been given me without any thought or effort on my part. Now, I remember asking about that question. I said to Don, wait a minute, I worked my butt off in these steps. What do you mean? There's no thought or effect on my heart. He said, you didn't go through these steps to have a changed attitude toward liquor? I said, my God, you're right, I didn't. And it told me it was given to me. It says it just comes, that is the miracle of it. I am not fighting it, neither am I avoiding temptation. I feel as though I have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I have not even swore off." Look at the next sentence, "'Instead the problem has been removed.'" We talked earlier about the power of choice. In the world of the spirit there is no more the power to choose booze than there is to stop breathing. The idea of operating the world of spirit and drinking alcohol cannot co-exist in the same place. You see what the book's trying to tell me? The problem has been removed in the tenth step as a result of all this other work, and I've entered the world with the spirit. It says it does not exist for me. The problem is being removed. It does not exists for me! What problem? Craving of the body? Obsession of the mind? Spirituality? The root of my problem? All those things. been removed they don't exist for me anymore and i now operate in the world of the spirit i'm neither cocky or am i afraid that is our experience says that is how we react so long as we keep it fit spiritual condition now i get a warning it is easy this is the only time the big book tells you anything is easy and it's in the form of a deadly warning it is is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on my laurels. Here's what laurels are. Anything that you've ever done up through this minute that you think has something to do with keeping you sober, that's laurels I'm headed for trouble if I do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. I am not cured of alcoholism. What I really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition Now that sentence implies something to me if i'm given a daily reprieve contingent to maintenance my spiritual condition what if i don't do anything to maintain my spiritual conditioning common sense says i probably may not be given the daily reprive remember we looked at something about the obsession of the mind i am unable certain times to remember the consequences of the last drink you see there may be some people today who have a luxury of taking a day off from prayer meditation i am not one of them that might be the day when i go get drunk see what i'm saying see what the book's trying to speak to us about every day is a day when i must carry the vision of god's will into all my activities now i get a prayer how can i best serve thee thy will not mine be done there is a difference between god's well and the vision of god will we all know god's will don't lie don't cheat don't steal have treat people with respect be kind courteous all the boy boy scouts up we know god's will there's a huge difference between god's well in the vision of god's world for us so what is the instruction in the book here's what it is if I have to be an appointment a at nine o'clock I say a prayer before I go in there God how may I best serve thee let thy will not mine be done and then I got another appointment at 1030 and before I going to the appointment at 10 30 I say your prayer God how many I best serve thee let thy will not mind be done it says before i begin all my activities so as i move from one activity to another i say a prayer goes on to say these are thoughts which must go with me constantly i can exercise my willpower along this line all i wish is the proper use of the will look what the ten steps telling us sanity's been restored i've been given the miracle of a change the attitude toward alcohol no thought or effort in my part the problem's been removed it doesn't exist i'm given a warning about staying in fit spiritual condition i'm giving a tool to stay in fit spirit and now it's telling me i can trust my will because it's aligned with god look at what the first and second step told us you see the movement that's happened from the first step to where we are right now as a result of this process these things we call the steps done out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous? Next paragraph's got some interesting things in it. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. We want to try a little exercise sometime. If the book's saying much has already been said about receiving strength inspiration and direction from him who has all knowledge and power you've got a little free time nothing to do go back through your book and highlight everything where the book tells you how to get strength inspiration and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. Now another little warning. If I carefully follow directions, I have begun to sense the flow of the Spirit into us. Remember I said we must gain access to God and then come to believe? The book Time and Time Again talks about the power of God flowing into me. To some extent I become God conscious. I have began to develop this vital sixth sense. Now I want you to think about something. We all know what the first major five senses are, don't we? Seeing, hearing, taste, touch, smell. Is it possible the book is suggesting to me that I can take the world of the spirit, my conscious relationship with God, and it can now be a sixth sense that I could use in this world just like sight? Absolutely. That's exactly what it means. My relationship with god, the power, the peace, the sense of direction and happiness now becomes a sixth sensed to me just like vision, Just like hearing, just like taste, just like touch. And do you know what I found? My ego takes my God-given senses like sight and uses them to separate me from you. It does stuff like this, hearing. I go into meetings of AA and I hear middle-of-the-road solution. You know what my keen alcoholic mind says? Don't want to talk to that person. They're full of shit. What did I just do? I just separated myself from somebody that I could maybe be helpful to. Here's what I found. When I'm in touch with my sixth sense, it controls all my others. And now I can use them like God intended me to use them. Everything in my life is a direct offshoot as a result of living in the world of the Spirit, my personal relationship with God. Now I can make better use of hearing, seeing, touch, smell, taste. Wow. And what do we hear at AA about the tenth step? Well, the tenth steps about continuing to take first inventory and making amends. Give me a break. The tenth step is about entering the world of the Spirit and growing in understanding and affecting us about what it's like to operate in the world of the spirit, bring it down here to move out there. That's what the tenth step is about. You see what I said about I can't imagine making amends without using the tools of the world or the spirit to do that with? Imagine taking your relationship with God and all the tools of the tenth step and going making amens. Do you think making amins is any big deal? No, it's not any big deal. My relationship with god can become a sixth sense that controls all their senses and from the time i get up till the time I go to bed allow me to operate in that world out there and demonstrate the two things dr bob said this whole deal is about and every other spiritual book says love and service 10 steps of just a little bit more than continuing to take personal inventory how free you want to it. I told a friend this the other day, what you all call, I think, the real world, for the most part, is an illusion to me anymore. For me, the world is the world of the spirit. The book told us this when we agnostic that this world that we call the real world is an allusion. We look at a table and say it's a table. No, it's not. It's a mass of electrons. Is it possible to take the world of the spirit and have it dominate everything that i do all my personal relationships my career my physical health everything yeah i believe that's possible and is it possible everything is in fact an offshoot of that part of me my spiritual being my experiences and a lot of people like me say yeah that's where it's all at today that's why in the world of the spirit don't make sense the problems out here and i tell people go over here they look at me like i'm nuts i got a guy i'm doing some work with he comes to me he's got all kinds problems in many different areas all i'm sitting right out here job relationships all kinds of stuff i said good well we're going to go over here and work the steps he looks at me like i'm crazy the world of the spirit is not a theory i have to live it i go over there and work in my right relationship with god and all of a sudden all this takes care of itself wow that's interesting step 11 suggest prayer meditation if you don't know the difference take a dictionary and look up what prayer is and look up what meditation they are not the same we should not be shy in this matter of prayer better men than we are using prayer constantly prayer works if we have the proper attitude and work at prayer now that's interesting it says prayer will work if i have the proper gratitude well don't you think it's important to know what the proper aptitude is I know all kinds of people that have been in AA for years not once asked themselves the question you know what I wonder what the hell the book means when it says the proper attitude so I went and asked several people they all told me the same thing it's that attitude on page 55 that I sweep aside prejudice think honestly and search deep within me remember it says with this attitude I cannot fail that's the attitude see God's world is limitless mine is very limited if I close my mind If I bring prejudice into anything I'm doing, including prayer and meditation, I've just blocked myself off. And it also uses three words drunk say, work at it. I trick the people in my home group when they ask me to chair a meeting. Here's how I tricked them. First question. Are we all in agreement that we are sober today as a result of a relationship with a loving God as we understand it? Absolutely. Mark couldn't be wrong. Oh, you're right on that one, buddy. and are we pretty much in agreement that every other relationship and everything else we do stems from that relationship? Yeah, we all agree with that, Mark. Good, then here's my third question. How much time do you spend in the morning in that relationship with your loving father? Who would like to volunteer to speak? Nobody. But then we went around and I heard a little honesty. Ten minutes. That person later revised it to three. I'll submit something to you because I just went through this exercise with a good friend he was struggling in some areas basically the spirituality was taking root in him and I asked him how much he was doing a prayer of meditation he initially says I'm busy I gotta go I'll come back later came back and said while I get in the shower say hi to God and hop my car I said I'll tell you what you try this for five days if it doesn't work don't do it anymore you spend 15 minutes to a half hour in prayer of mediation developing that relationship with God he did half hour five days everything changed overnight. Why? The book tells me why. Because in prayer and meditation, I begin to understand what it's like to operate in the world of the Spirit, and operate in God's kingdom, and gain access to my loving Father. And he begins to empower me, and he begins to give me ideas, and it begins to get rid of the selfishness. If I'm spending five or ten minutes in meditation, that's what I'm taking out in the world all day. And by 10 o'clock, we're crazy, right? I heard this about, well, I can start my day over at any time. That's true. Why don't you just start it in the morning? Lay your foundation. It's not necessary. How does it go sometimes? Let's see, I'm too busy. You just don't understand? Well, I don't know. Think about how much time you're spending in the early hours in that relationship with God. And if your experience is like mine, which is my entire world as I know it, is derived from that relationship, consider the idea of spending a little more time with him in the morning and I will guarantee you awesome results during the day. Try it. Test it. If it doesn't work, call me a bitch at me. Now, I want to skip this paragraph about retired night and I want us to start with upon awakening. When I get up in the morning, I begin when I'm going through the work with a set-aside prayer. I do a third step prayer and a seventh step prayer and then I open my book to page 86. And I go through these instructions and I say every prayer that this asks me to pray. And then I go back and I read all of the 10 steps and I pick up all the tools available to me from the world of the Spirit, then I spend time just praying for people. And then I take a period of time in meditation and my goal in the period of meditation is to get quiet and just feel and experience the presence of God. So, let's look at what it tells me. On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Circle the word think and circle the word consider because they are different. I'm going to show you how to take the work you do when we retire at night into your meditation when we get up in the morning. There's a difference between thinking about the 24 hours ahead and then considering the plans for the day. In thinking, when I've done my nightly review, if there's some stuff I got to clean up, plus I answer some questions of what God wants me to be, so when I think about the day, I think about, God, what do you want me to do? What is your vision for me in all my areas? Then I consider my plans, meaning I've got to be here at 9, here at 10.30, here at 12, here at 1. Before I begin, meaning before I begin my day, here's my first prayer. I ask God to direct my thinking and I especially ask my thinking to be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Now look at the promise. Under these conditions, meaning having asked God in this prayer, I can employ my mental faculties with assurance for after all, God gave me brains to use my thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when my thinking is clear wrong motives now i get another prayer in thinking about my day i may face indecision i may not be able to determine which course to take so in my morning meditation if there's some things that need to make a decision i've now given another prayer here i ask god for inspiration and intuitive thought or a decision and then i relax and take it easy i don't struggle I'm often surprised how the right answers come after I've tried this for a while. While it used to be a hunch or the occasional inspiration, gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that I'm going to be inspired at all times. Some of us who have been around AA have suffered from this next one. I might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. i absolutely know god wants me to marry this woman i met two days ago he spoke very clearly to me says nevertheless i find my thinking will as time passes be more and more in the plane of inspiration i come to rely upon now i'm going to be given some more prayers i usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that i'd be shown all through the day what my next step is to be that i be given whatever i need to take care of such problems another prayer i ask especially for freedom from self-will and i'm careful to make no requests for myself only it says let me ask for myself however if others will be helped i had to have an elder explain that to me here's what it means mark if you're real judgmental you can't help others so in your prayer ask god to remove that part of you so that you can help people that day that's what it means i can ask for myself if others will be helped if i'm being judgmental i can't help you if i am in fear i cannot help you so i look at any areas anything going on with me that prevents me from being of help to you and i ask god to remove that says i'm careful never to pray for my own selfish ends many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that it doesn't work you can see why if circumstances weren't i asked wives or friends to join us morning meditation for some of us the word wives is appropriate here if i belong to religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion i tend to that also if not members of religious bodies we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles that we have been discussing there are many helpful books also suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest minister rabbi be quick to see where religious people are right let me read that again be quick to see where religious people are right make use of what they offer now i'm going to be given some more spiritual tools as i go through the day i pause when agitated or doubtful those are fairly constant states for alcoholics and addicts by the way and i ask god for the right thought or action how many of you in here have ever asked god forthe right thought not action the right thought some of you have i constantly remind myself i'm no longer running the show humbly saying to myself many times each day that i will be done that's another spiritual exercise to use all through the day here's the promise if i do this stuff and they use an interesting word they use the word danger it says i'm then in much less danger of excitement Think about that. Excitement is dangerous for an alcoholic and an addict. It's dangerous for us. Since I'm then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions, I become much more efficient. I do not tire so easily, for I'm not burning up energy as foolishly as I did when I was trying to arrange life to suit me. This next paragraph. It works. It really does. I am undisciplined, so I let God discipline me in the simple way we just outlined. Now, turn back to page 86. We get an exercise for when we retire at night. Here's what it says. When I retire at nighttime, I constructively review my day. Now I'm going to go through a series of questions. Was I resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid today? My answer for all four of this every day since I first did this work is yes. do i owe an apology sometimes i do sometimes i don't have i kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once and i look at that was i kind and loving toward all uh-oh uh-uh i didn't do very well there and i love that was I kind and loving toward all the little gal at the checkout counter that's got a stream full of people wading through the gas station attendant the lady at the dry cleaners was i kind and loving toward all what could i have done better well i spent three minutes in prayer meditation i think if i'd maybe spend a little more time like that crazy mark talked about what could I have done better today was I thinking of myself most of the time I tell the clients this if there was a device that measured how often you and I think of ourselves and we woke up at eight the thing would blow up by nine. We are so turned inward, it's absolutely incredible. Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Yeah, I did a lot of that today. Or was I thinking what I could do for others of what I can pack into the stream of life? Let me explain what happened in the process of doing this work. There was a time when my life was fragmented, meaning I get up in the morning and I had that life. And then I'd go to work, and I had that life, and then I had AA, and i had that life. Today, I'm involved in the stream of life. I can't tell whether I'm an AA or out in the world. Why? Because I operate in the World of the Spirit all the time, and it's all the same. Today, when I'm in recovery, I am also in the fellowship and service. When I'm working with someone else, I' m in recovery and in the fellowship. Today I'm involved in the Stream of Life. It is one continuing process based on operating from the World of the spirit. My life is not segmented anymore. I don't have AA over here and my job over here and my friends over here. I operate in what's called the stream of light today. It says, but I must be careful not to drift into... Now this is interesting. Think about this. I must Be Careful Not To Drift Into Worry, Remorse, or Morbid Reflection. And then it tells me why. Think about this, the reason we are worried, remorseful, or morbid reflection is we're thinking about ourself again and here's what it tells us it says because that diminishes my usefulness to others when you walk around being worried you are not available to help anyone else god never intended for you and i to worry you worry because you're operating on self-reliance when you operate on god's reliance you never have to worry your available always to help your fellow traveler on the path book says mark don't drift into weary remorse or reflection because if you do you can't be useful and helpful after making my nightly review i ask god's forgiveness and i inquire what correcting measures should be taken when i get up in the morning i've asked him the night before what corrective measures to take that flows me right into my tenth step when i think about my plans for the day well the day before i was real short with two people and i want to go make amends to them a day you see how it flows i take my night of review get up in the morning and i let the information that i got from that night of review take me into this day i operate in the world today in steps 10 and 11 based on the power given in steps 1 through 9 that's another reason i go back through the work i can't imagine operating in 1994 based onthe truth i saw in 93. i do steps one through nine based onthepower given to me in steps 10 and 11 i make my amends based on the power given to me in steps 10 11 i'm able to be of service to others based on operating in 10 and eleven 10 11 are two of the most powerful steps this whole program gives me one for operating the world of the spirit let that now be a sixth sense that i can take out here and the 11th step for that relationship with god chapter 7 working with others i said before this is my opinion that virtually every problem in alcoholics anonymous today could be solved by good sponsorship they devote a whole chapter in working with others and i suspect that we're going to smash some middle-of-the-road stuff about working with others i have the kind of sponsor who is a world trustee and alcoholics anonymous he talked to me much more than i cared to hear for a long time about the traditions And I was talking with Tom, and he talked to me about the world concepts, and that stuff is still foreign and Greek to me. But he was involved in all three parts of the program. That's the path that God took him down. He's the one who shared all of his experience with me, gave me the tools necessary so when I sponsor someone else. I have a home group. I support that home group。 I show up at all the group consciences when I'm in town. I supportthat home group financially. I'm there to help newcomers when they come to that home groups. Why? Because my sponsor pointed out to me that that was a responsibility that I had. I'm here to defend the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous until they put dirt on me. You come to a closed meeting that I'm attending and don't introduce yourself as an alcoholic or at least a desire to quit drinking, I'll ask you to leave. Why? Because that's the way he set up. That's why. Singleness of purpose. I totally embrace and support the traditions in this program. That came to me through sponsorship. So, working with others. practical experience shows nothing so much will ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics the word intensive is kind of interesting to look at it says it works when other activities fail this is our 12th suggestion carry this highlight the highlight the word this carry this message to other alcoholcs please do not carry your message on any given day your message is like mine it's selected parts of the big book some of the bible some different books of philosophy a little of grapevine and a whole bunch of my opinion none of which will keep any of you sober carry this message to other alcoholics that's why you see me and people i do work with carrying this book with us to meetings of alcoholics anonymous because if i get a chance to work with a newcomer and they ask me questions i'm going to go into this book so that what they hear if they see comes out of this book not just out of my mouth remember the forward to the first edition to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered i'll sit and talk to a new man new woman and i'll field questions and i keep going to this book time and time again so our responsibility is to carry this message to other alcoholics you can help when no one else can you can secure their confidence when others fail remember they're very ill and i love this next paragraph life will take on new meaning to watch people recover to see them help others to watch loneliness vanish to see a fellowship grow up around you to have a host of friends this is an experience you must not miss i absolutely love that sentence and it has been my experience i was telling a friend of mine there's several of you in here that i was given a chance to carry this message to a message you never heard before never been able to stay sober before or dying of untreated alcoholism and i look at you now and i look at your lives and the difference is absolutely incredible that's the payoff for me one drunk working with another drunk and watching that drunk's life change watching god operate in that individual's life that's a grace tie in the world that's what it's whole deal is all about for me i wish to god we'd never have to do another workshop anywhere i wish we could walk into means of aaa everywhere across the united states in the world and if you were new here the common solution which we could absolutely agree so we wouldn't have to these anymore and maybe we could get a recovery rate of 75 like it used to be but we can't why because the message in the fellowship is not the message in the book that's what so i guess we're just going to keep going to of these workshops for a little bit longer. So there's more of you out there that are carrying this message and where we can reach a place in time where we don't have to do them anymore. If you've done the work, this is the promises you get. Life takes on new meaning. You'll watch people recover. You'll see them help others. You'll have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. It goes on to say, perhaps you're not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests, or hospitals. They'll be only too glad to assist you. Do not start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately, a lot of prejudice exists. You'll be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent, and you can learn much from them if you wish. But it happens that because of your own drinking experience, you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. so cooperate never criticize to be helpful is our only aim now we're going to get a lot of instructions and work with new people here's the first one when you discover a prospect for alcoholics anonymous find out all you can about him i go to meetings you know what i hear from the chairperson if you got less than 90 days we don't want to hear anything you got to say how in hell do i find out anything about him book says mark you need to find out everything you can about this man or woman if you're going to help him what are we doing telling newcomers you ain't got nothing to say i don't understand that do you understand that i don t gee i wonder if that's a little bit about our pompous alcoholic egos i don' t know i just know what the book says if he doesn't want to stop drinking don't waste time trying to persuade him that's an instruction you may spoil later opportunity you know i was talking with joe about this we work our butts off with drunks sometimes, right? And we work and work and work and hours and hours and months and hell sometimes years. And they go back out in a simple case of beer does what 9,000 hours working with me could never do. That's what I think the book's trying to say. If he doesn't want to stop drinking, do not waste time trying to persuade him. If there's any indication he wants to stop Have a good talk with the person most interested in him, usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his backgrounds, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. Basically find out everything you can about him. You need this information to put yourself in his place to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned. I need this informaion to determine how to talk to a new man and a new woman. That's why it's asking me. find out all you can i'll give an example if i'm dealing with somebody who's been to treatment 15 times had a lot of periods of sobriety in and out a i can assure you what they hear from me is going to be a lot different from the first time the guy's ever walked into an a meeting his life it's going to be much different that's why i think it's telling me find out all i can put myself in his place sometimes it's wait till he it's wise to wait till goes on a binge. The family may object to this, but unless he's in a dangerous physical condition, it's better to risk it. Don't deal with him when he's very drunk unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of a spree or at least for a lucid interval. Then, look at this question, then let his family or friend ask him, do you want to quit for good? And will you go to any extreme to do so? That's a question I ask people who want to do the work with me. Do you want to quit for good and are you willing to go to the extreme to do so i'll give you an exercise they do it'll save you a lot of time separate the wheat from the chaff someone comes up and says mark would you do the work with me well i don't know let me give you a little exercise here's the exercise go out buy a new big book read the first 164 pages answer these four questions in writing. When you're done, call me. First question, is this work what you want to do? Second question, why do you want To do this work? Third question, are you willing to go to any length? Fourth question, what areas are you being dishonest with yourself and others? Here's the good news about that exercise. Ten people ask you to do the work with them. At best, two will call you. They will not be the two you wish would call you, they will be the helpless, hopeless, burned-out alcoholic who needs power. That is not the one he wanted to call you the one dying driving the jag with a nice watch it's a guy that's got his toes sticking out of his shoes can't talk and smells like hell but he needs this he needs power you do that exercise it'll save you tremendous time now you're going to see where that exercise comes it comes out of this book book's going to tell you on the first visit give the guy a book ask him to read it go back in on the second time ask him are you ready to go through with the 12 steps but when i went down and exercised it saved a lot of time now let's keep going if he says yes meaning he wants to quit for good and he's won't go any extreme to do so then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered geez there's that word again you should be described to him as one of a fellowship who is part of their own recovery try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if cares to see you. If he doesn't want to see you, never force yourself upon him. I've never understood sponsors who call their protégés all the time. What's it say? If he didn't want us to meet, if he didn' t want to meet you, never force yourself upon him. I would like to tell you that Don cared for me so much he called me with a lot of frequency but that would be a lie. He never called me. You know why? He knew what he had to do to stay sober. He knew I needed to learn how to do that. It's not that he loved me. It is because he did love me he did two things with me all the time he talked about god all the time and he took me into this book that's what he did he made real sure that my dependency was not upon him that it was upon god and these spiritual exercises is outlined in this book says neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything nor should they tell him much about you they should wait for the end of his next drinking bout you might place this book where he can see it in the interval i've always enjoyed that visual right You sneak a book into the drug's house, right? He comes home, he's loaded. Oh, geez, another big book, right, slams the thing to the side. It keeps showing up on the counter. It says here no specific rule can be given. The family must decide these things, but urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters. Usually the family should not try to tell your story. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. Approach through a doctor or institution is a better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not forcefully unless he's violent. Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has something in the way of a solution. When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions, your prospect will see he's under no pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he's still jittery. See again this program. In the chapter to the wives, they list four categories of alcoholics. You know who has the best chance? The drunk who's number four. He's the one that's locked up in institutions, and he's been committed. In this program, the more helpless and hopeless you are when you come in, the better chance you've got. It's another paradox. So see your man alone if possible, and first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea how you ought to proceed. If he has not communicated, give him a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing for the moment of how that was accomplished. See what we're doing now is we're talking about the hopelessness of our disease and how we drink. If he's in a serious mood, dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize your lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his. when he sees you know all about the drinking game commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic tell him how baffled you were how you finally learned you were sick give him an account of the struggles you made to stop show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree we suggest you do this as we've done it in the chapter on alcoholism if he is alcoholic he will understand you at once he will match your mental inconsistencies with some of his own if you are satisfied he's a real alcoholic begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him from your own experience how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the willpower. Don't at this stage refer to this book unless he has seen it and he wishes to discuss it, and be careful not to brand him an alcoholic letting draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea he can still control his drinking, tell him possibly he can if he's not too alcoholic, but insist if he is severely afflicted there may be little chance he can recover by himself. continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness a fatal malady talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience explain many are doomed who never realize their predicament doctors are rightly loathe to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose but you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholismo because you offer a solution you will soon have your friend admitting he has many, if not all, the traits of the alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him he's an alcoholic, so much the better. Now, the next sentence is the only time in the book I find a word used to describe people I do the work with, and it's not pigeon, and it's not baby, and it's not that other crap I hear in AA that I believe is demeaning. Here's the word. Even though your protégé isn't that sweet, even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question if he will. Uh-oh, squiggly lines. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. Make it empathetic. He doesn't have to agree with your concept of God. He can choose any concept he likes provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he'd be willing to believe in a power greater than himself and that he lived by spiritual principles. Now I hear an AA, oh let's not talk about God, we might drive the newcomer off. Where is that coming from? This is pretty black and white, isn't it? About what I need to talk about. The main thing is that I tell a new guy he'd be willing to believe in a power greater than himself and he'll live by spiritual principle. When dealing with such a person you better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles There's no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain theological terms and conceptions about which he may already be confused. Don't raise such issues no matter what your own convictions are. Next paragraph is interesting. Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case, he's going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action. Let him see you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do. But call to his attention the fact that whatever deepest faith and knowledge he could not have applied it or he would not drink. I've done the work with many men in AA who know a lot more about religion and the Bible than I ever thought of knowing. But I ask them a simple question. That's real neat that you know all that. When was the last time you got drunk or loaded? Well, two nights ago. Well, is it doing you much good? No, it's not. This is where the book talks to me about having to deal with that man or that woman because they got a ton of prejudice. They know more about God. They're educated about God far beyond their capacity to understand any of it. and it's not working for him. The book says, call to his attention the fact however deep his faith and knowledge he could not have applied it or he would not drink. What good is faith and knowledged if I'm doing dope and drinking alcohol? I don't think it's any good. It's like I quote the Bible all over the page and I shoot dope in my arm. You want what I have? I don' t think so. See what I'm saying? Says perhaps your story will help him see he's failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. We represent no particular faith or denomination. We're dealing only with general principles common to most denominations. Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past, that's amends, and why you're now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him to realize your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain that he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear he's not under pressure, that he needn't see you again if he doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call off for he's helped you more then you've helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, and you perhaps made a friend. Maybe you disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. That is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. Another paradox, right? He'll be more likely to follow your suggestions. Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not counterdict such views. Tell him you once felt as he did but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit, tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book. Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, don't wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he'll likely say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusader reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop. Simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. That's the 12 steps. Highlight the next sentence. Show him how they work with you. Second time the book says, I'm here to show you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him if he wants to get well, you'll do anything to help. If he is not interested in your solution, If he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more. If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. Remember the first instruction? Have him buy a new book, read the 164 pages. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. he should not be pushed apart by you his wife or friends if he is to find god the desire must come from within if he thinks he can do the job in some other way or prefer some other spiritual approach encourage him to follow his own conscience we have no monopoly on god we merely have an approach that work with us but point out we alcoholics have much in common and you would like in any case to be friendly let it go at that page 96 do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time in any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and to be happy. To live and to be happy. To live and to being happy. One of our fellowship failed in tally with his first half dozen prospects. He often says if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others who have since recovered of their chance. Next paragraph says suppose now Mark you're making your second visit to a man. He's read this volume and says he is prepared to go through the twelve steps of the program recovery. Second visit to a man having When you have the practical experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. He may be broke or homeless. If he is, you might try to help him by getting a job or giving him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you want to take the man into your home for a few days, but be sure to use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family. Honey, I'd like to bring this guy that's got puke all over him home for a couple days. Be certain he'll be welcomed by your families and he's not trying to impose upon you for money, connections or shelter. Permit that and you'll only harm him. You'll be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding his destruction rather than his recovery. Never avoid these responsibilities but be sure you're doing the right thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. That's an important sentence. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act a good Samaritan every day if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may be ensuring your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails, and asylums. Your telephone may jangle any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes say she isn't neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he's violent. Sometimes you'll have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under the doctor's direction. Another time, you may have sin for the police or an ambulance. On occasion, you're going to have to meet such conditions. We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time. it is not good for him and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family though an alcoholic does not respond there's no reason why you should neglect his family you should continue to be friendly to them the family should be offered your way of life should they accept and practice spiritual principles there is a much better chance the head of the family will recover and even though he continues to drink the family will find life more bearable for the alcoholic type alcoholic who's able and willing to get well little charity in the ordinary sense of the word is needed or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conking alcohol are on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things when such action warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not. Then the next paragraph. It's not the matter of giving that's in question but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon god he clamors for this or that claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for nonsense some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth job or no job wife or no wife we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on god burn i love this burn the idea that's a great visual right burn the idea into the consciousness of every man he can get well regardless of anyone the only condition is he trusting god and clean house that sentence sums up the 12 steps doesn't it now the domestic problem there may be divorce separation or just strained relations when your prospect has made such reparations as he can to his family and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he's living, he should proceed to put these principles into action at home. That is, if he's lucky enough to have a home. Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. This next sentence is powerful. Argument and fault finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected it persisted in for a few months the effect on a man's family sure to be great the most incompatible people discover they can have a basis upon which they can meet and little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them these can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness after they've seen tangible results the family will perhaps want to go along these things will come to pass naturally in good time provided however the alcohol listen to this the alcoholic continues to demonstrate he can be sober considerate and helpful regardless of what anyone says or does huh of course we all fall much below this standard many times but we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree if there be divorce or separation there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together the man should be sure of his recovery the wife should fully understand his new way of life if their old relationship is to be resumed it must be in a better basis since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concern that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties. Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. That just isn't so. In some cases, the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect his recovery is not dependent upon people it is dependent upon his relationship with god that is what my recovery has always depended on we've seen men would get well whose families have not returned at all we've see another slip when the family came back too soon i love the next paragraph both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, meaning the path of spiritual progress, remarkable things will follow. When we look back, we realize that things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. When we put our lives in God�s hands, the things which come to us are better than anything we could have planned i don't know about the rest of you but most of my wants damn near killed me god's never given anything to me that wasn't wonderful my wants have almost killed me i reached a place where i begin to understand what was said to me many years ago mark anything god has in store for you is better than anything you got in store für you yeah that makes sense follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world it's the world of the spirit folks a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances you mean I can be poor and live in anew and wonderful world you mean I can have a physical handicap and live in a new and wonderful world yeah when working with a man in his family you should take care not to participate in the quarrels you may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do but urge upon a man's family has been a very sick person he should be treated accordingly you should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy you should point out his defects of character not going to disappear overnight show them he's entered upon a period of growth ask them to remember when they are impatient the blessed fact of his sobriety here's a tool if you've been successful in solving your own domestic problems tell the newcomer's family how that was accomplished some of you in relationships there's some great tapes sitting on that table about to tell you how to take spiritual principles into relationships you're in a relationship and that's a struggle go take a look at some of those in this way you're going to set them on the right track without being critical of them the story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism. Assuming we're spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things that alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have in their homes. We should not go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if we go into their houses. We mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Well, our experience shows us This is not necessarily so. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind. There's something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be someplace like the Greenland ice cap, and even there in Eskimo would turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything. Ask any woman who sent her husband to distant places in the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. In our belief in any scheme of combating alcoholism, which proposes to shield a sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself, he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We've tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule is not to avoid a place where there's drinking if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. to a person who's had experience with an alcoholic this may seem like tempting providence but it isn't you will note we made an important qualification therefore ask yourself on each occasion have I any good social business or personal reason for going to this place or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of this place if you answer these questions satisfactorily you need have no apprehension go or stay away whatever seems best but be sure you're on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of whatyou can bring to it. But if you're shaky, you'd better work with another alcoholic instead. Why sit with a long face in places where there's drinking sighing about the good old days? If it's a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there. If a business occasion, go and attend your business enthusiastically. If you're with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means, go along. Let your friends know that they're not going to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place, explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, a few people will ask you to drink. If you get honest with them what you do when you drink, none of them will ask me to drink it. None of them are going to ask you for a drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you're getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth in such an errand. Keep on the fine line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed. Most of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need to carry it green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they're not alcoholic, but some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue these questions. we feel each family in the light of their own circumstances ought to decide for themselves we are careful never to show intolerance or hatred as an institution experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners a spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved had it not been for such stupidity we would not even do the cause of temper drinking any good for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by someone who hates it someday we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem but we should be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility drinkers will not stand for it after all our problems were of our own making bottles were only a symbol besides we had stopped fighting anybody or anything we have to now we have spent a considerable amount of time going through those 12 spiritual exercises called the steps on your own sometime make sure you read chapters 8 9 10 11 to the wise the family afterwards employers for you and a vision for you because in those chapters i'm taught how to practice principles and all my affairs i uh i want to thank you for uh for coming here this weekend and for uh allowing me a chance to share my experience with these steps and in this book with you all i'm always grateful for that every time i do this i guess it just opens me up again once more and i once again see truth at a deeper level i'll share a few things your alcoholic hearing is screwed forever you're going to go in the meetings when you hear middle of the road you're going to know it you now have a responsibility too to carry this message if you have not done the work in this book find somebody who has done that start the title page and go through and do that i think really what i want to do i want to close with the last paragraph on page 164 and those of you that have your book this paragraph sums up 163 and a half pages of work and i love what it says to me it says abandon yourself to god as you understand god admit your faults to him and to your fellows clear away the wreckage of your past give freely of what you find and join us we shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road to happy destiny may god bless you and keep you until then thank you