Craving, Service, and Bob D.’s Take on the Big Book

About This Speaker Tape

A big spoon of horseradish in a Pennsylvania kitchen at age four. Bob D. recalls the burn and the snot pouring from his nose, a childhood obsession with the forbidden that mirrored his later life. He describes himself as a "freeze-dried alcoholic," born with a spiritual malady that felt like a permanent stone in his shoe. For Bob, the first hit of whiskey at twelve wasn't about the buzz; it was the only thing that filled the black hole of separation and made him feel connected to the world.

He recounts the "phenomenon of craving" through a dinner party disaster where two glasses of wine sent him into a panic, leading him to chug cough medicine in a locked bathroom just to function. After years of homelessness, panhandling, and a felony hit-and-run in a stolen car, he found himself stuck between a sobriety that felt like doing time and a drinking life that had become a disease of diminishing returns. He eventually surrendered to a Higher Power and the Big Book, finding that service ...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Bob D. discusses his years as the 'practice dummy' for newcomers in Pennsylvania.
• 2:10 Laughter: Story about the jar of horseradish and the 'freeze-dried alcoholic'.
• 6:15 Discussion of the 'phenomenon of craving' and the plastic bag metaphor.
• 9:30 Story about raiding a bathroom for cough medicine at a dinner party.
• 14:10 Bob D. describes the relief of finally becoming homeless and having no responsibilities.
• 18:45 The 'syphilis' delusion: Bob D. thinking his mental state was a brain tumor or advanced syphilis.
• 22:10 Warning about the 'emptiness of abstinence' and the danger of just taking up a chair in meetings.
• 26:30 The felony hit-and-run DUI in a stolen car and the ultimatum from the judge.
• 32:15 The 'Floating Big Book' group in Las Vegas and the point of total surrender.
• 36:40 The 'Lamplighter' metaphor for seeing the Higher Power's work in others.
• 41:20 Discussion of the 12th Step and the danger of 'alcoholwasm' in long-term sobriety.
• 48:10 The closing story of the daughter and the puzzle of the world.