Contempt Prior to Investigation Is My Favorite Line in the Whole Book Because It Got Me Off My Butt – Mike S.

About This Speaker Tape

Mike S. from Topeka, Kansas shares his story at a district holiday gathering in Neosho, Missouri with 26 years of sobriety. He opens with a raw portrait of his drinking years — a childhood where his father handed him a beer after accidentally killing the family dog and told him men don't cry, marriages destroyed by violence and neglect, kids who had to check his mood before deciding whether to hug him or hide. He choked his first wife, abandoned his children, and drank away grocery money on Friday nights. He got sober the first time in January 1988 but relapsed after 18 months and 7 days at a street dance when he traded a CO2 bottle for a pitcher of Coors.

His second attempt at sobriety began in a treatment center where a counselor wouldn't let him delay starting and wouldn't let him shield his children from the family program. His daughter read him a letter telling him exactly what he was. That crack in his wall, combined with finding the Live and Let Live home group at 2100 Central Park in Topeka, set him on a different path. He speaks with deep feeling about five sponsors across 26 years — Owen who taught him commitment, Gary who pulled him back from dying inside the rooms at four years sober, Harlan P. whose death broke his heart, and Dave who became his current sponsor the day he learned Harlan had passed.

Mike tells stories of grief and grace woven together — two sponsees who committed suicide, his sister-in-law Joyce who jumped off a bridge in Dallas with 19 years of sobriety, and his best friend Jason who died of a massive heart attack at 52 with nearly 20 years sober. Through each loss, the fellowship showed up in ways he calls miraculous, like calling a man in Joplin to get a phone number in Dallas and discovering the contact already sat in the same Sunday night meeting as the grieving husband. He credits AA with teaching him to be a father, a husband, and a man who keeps commitments. His 23-year-old daughter has never seen him drink. He walked his oldest down the aisle. His son, who he once thought would be in the penitentiary by 21, turned his life around. Mike closes with Herbert Spencer's line about contempt prior to investigation, calling it his favorite passage in the Big Book because it got him off his butt.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction — five sponsors in 26 years, three of them in the room today
• 3:00 Dad gives him his first beer after running over the dog — men don't cry
• 5:00 Domestic violence, neglect, and the wreckage of drinking — kids afraid to approach him
• 8:00 Meeting Nancy through his first wife — started the relationship based on a lie
• 12:00 Relapse after 18 months and 7 days — traded CO2 for a pitcher of Coors at a street dance
• 16:00 Second treatment center, finding Live and Let Live home group at 2100 Central Park
• 23:00 Vasectomy reversal and IVF — Higher Power gave him a chance to be the father he wasn't the first time
• 30:00 Dying inside at four to five years sober — doing the fluff but forgetting to do AA
• 35:00 Two sponsees committed suicide — Tim's five-year-old son asking for a hug after the funeral
• 40:00 Joyce's suicide at 19 years sober and the miraculous AA phone chain connecting strangers in Dallas