Contempt Prior to Investigation – Big Book Workshop – Eufaula, AL – Part 7 of 11 – Jim P.

use of spiritual principles unless we accepted many things on faith which seemed difficult to believe when people presented us with the spiritual approaches how frankly did we all say i wish i had what that man has i'm sure it'd work if i could only believe as he believes but i cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which are plain to him so it was comforting to learn that we could commence at a simpler level okay now i am not going to go back and read the whole spiritual experience when we do a big book meeting normally. Every time we see something like that, we go back, and we read it again. We've read it twice, so we're not going to do that, but please do it over and over because the thing about contemporary investigation was what kept me drunk for three and a half years. I just didn't believe this was going to work for me, so I wouldn't try that's contempt prior to investigation besides the seeming inability to accept much on faith we often found ourselves handicapped by that word sensitivity in this and unreasoning prejudice many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism this sort of thinking had to be abandoned though some of us resisted we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect, alcohol was the great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. It finally beating us into the state of reasonsableness A little note I've got next to mine is How long is up to you? How long do you want to be beat before you'll get in a state of reasonableness? Sometimes this was a tedious process. We hoped no one else would be prejudiced for as long as some of us were. I thought three and a half years was a long time. When my sponsor first went into an AA meeting to get sober in Scotland, they said 90 meetings in 90 days. He went to 90 meetings and 90 days and he didn't drink. And on the 91st day, he and his wife and his kids were on their way down to London. He stopped in the liquor store and said, There it is! 90 meetings, 90 days cured. Bought a half gallon of whiskey. For the next 12 years, he never got 90 days again. For 12 years he was in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and he could never get 90 days until he finally surrendered. the reader may still ask why you should believe in a power greater than himself we think there are good reasons to look at some of them the particular individual of today is a stickler for facts and results nevertheless the 20th century readily accept theories of all kinds provided they are firmly grounded in fact Dr. Silkworth's opinion in front of the book was originally the doctor's theory because it just wasn't proof now when the second book was printed in 1955 Dr. Silkworth allowed them to put his name in the book because after that period of time it was fact he was right a lot of people don't know that everybody believes them without a murmur of doubt we have numerous theories for example about electricity Everybody believes them without a murmur of doubt. Why this readily acceptance? Simply because it's impossible to explain what we see, feel, direct, and use without a reasonable assumption as a starting point. Now, I come in here, I flip on the light switch, the lights come on, right? Do I know how that happens? Well, there's some big nuclear coal plant down the road, and it's doing something. I don't know what it'sdoing. burning something, heating something, doing something. And then somehow or another that goes into electrical lines and they run down here and they Run in here and it goes into a breaker box. It's got breakers. I don't know how any of this stuff works. No clue. Other than if I touch it, it's like a hot stove. I'm going to get burned. Right? But I've got no clue how all that works. Some of you are smarter than me. All of you who are smarter then me. Let's just go with that. All of you are smart than me and you might know how electricity works. I've no clue. All I know is If the light switch doesn't come on, I've got to call the power company. Maybe I need to check the breakers in the box first, but I don't ever do that. They always tell me to do it, and then I go find out if the breaker's brought. Everybody nowadays believes in scores of assumptions for which there is good evidence but no perfect visual proof. And does not science demonstrate that visual proof is the weakest proof? It is being constantly revealed as mankind studies the material world that outward appearances are not inward reality at all. Outward appearances are not inwards. You ever seen people coming into an AA meeting and they look sharp and they dress sharp and you ask them how they're doing I'm doing great. Do you really know what's going on inside that person? No, you really don't. All I know is if you come in your face is dragging I know you're hurting but if you came in and tell me you're great I'm thinking, I hope so. But I don't know. I'm not in your shoes. You've got to be honest with me. I'm going to skip a little bit over onto page 49. I'm gonna go and start where it says, When, however, the perfect logical assumption is suggested that underneath the material world and life as we see it, there is an all-powerful, guiding, creative intelligence. Right there our perverse streak comes to the surface and we laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isn't true. It isn't so. We read wordy books and indulge in windy arguments thinking we believe this universe needs no God to explain it. Where our contention is true, it would follow that life originated out of nothing, means nothing, and proceeds nowhere. We're just here floating around and then we're just going to be in a black hole. If that's what you want to believe, believe it. I don't believe that. Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever-advancing creation, we agnostic and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, and then it says rather vain of us, wasn't it? We who have traveled this dubious path, the people who have written this book beg you to lay aside prejudice even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. If two and a half million people around the world are sober today in Alcoholics Anonymous, why do I walk in the room and say it won't work for me? Contempt prior to investigation. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness, and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves. Many spiritually minded persons of every race, color, creed have a degree of stability, happiness, and usefuleness which is what I want in my life and I should have thought it a long time ago. Page 50 Instead we looked at the human defects of these people and sometimes used their shortcoming as basis of wholesale condemnation now I can tell you that was me I was raised in a military family we went all over the world I played with black children Chinese children Japanese children never was a racist and I was went to church a couple times with my grandmother down in Orlando just to go with my grandma because she asked me to go and I would see somebody in that church and then I would see them the next day and they would be using the N word like it was just no problem. And I would go, see, that whole church is full of hypocrites because of one man. Condemn the entire Catholic religion because if one priest does something wrong. I can't do that. But I did. That's where my judgment took me. We've talked of intolerance while we were intolerant ourselves. we miss the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees couldn't see the forest or the trees right we never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing now it's already said once that they hope the personal stories in the back of the book are not offensive and I've already told you that the personal stories in the back of book should be read after you do the 12 steps you can read some of them the thing about acceptance is the key it used to be called Dr. Alcoholic Addict but every story in the back of the book is a speaker in print and that's the way I look at it and every story in the book is somebody sharing their experience, strength and hope and every history ends with how they came to believe in a power greater than themselves every one of them in our personal stories you'll find a wide variation of the way each teller approaches and sees of the power which is greater than himself whether we agree with a particular approach or concession seems to make little difference i don't care how somebody got to their power i just know that if i'm working with somebody they need a power and i ain't it you know i can explain things to them but they need the power greater than me well i'm pretty strong whether we seem to make a little difference experience has taught us that these are matters for which, for our purpose we need not be worried. These are questions for each individual to settle for himself Each one of you has to settle these on your own. On one proposition however, these men and women are strikingly agreed. Every one of them has gained access to and believes in a power greater than themselves. Talking about the stories in the back. This power has in each case accomplished the miraculous the humanely impossible As a celebrated American statement put it, let's look at the record. Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, they flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude towards that power and to do certain simple things, steps four through nine, there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. Now, we talked about requirements back on page 25, a few single requirements, okay? Steps 4 through 9. once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence they show the underlying reasons why they were making heaven going of life leaving aside the drink question leaving aside the drink question so take alcohol out of it they tell why living was so unsatisfactory they show how the change came over them when many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. When many hundreds of people, now we're talking 2013, when many millions of people are able to say that the conscience of the person or the presence OF GOD is today the most importan fact of thier lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. okay now it's going to talk about Galileo and it's going to talk about Columbus and you know Columbus thought the earth was round they thought he was going to go off the side of the earth Galileo he was going to be put to death for his astronomical heresies um the bottom of 51 last paragraph we ask ourselves this. Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material? Even in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print an account of the Wright brothers' first successful flight at Keahok. They didn't want to print it because they didn't believe it. Had not all the efforts at flight failed before? Did not Professor Langley's slime machine go to the bottom of the Potomac River? Anybody ever seen the old newsreel of that? I mean, that's kind of cool, isn't it? And he goes flap, flap, flap, and so man can't fly. That's a reserve for the birds. Was it? Was it not true that the best mathematical minds have proven that man could never fly? Had not people said God had reserved that privilege for the birds? Only 30 years later, the conquest of air was almost an old story and airplane travel was in full swing. This is written in 1939. Okay, so now they're starting to have plane travel. But what's so cool to me? This is the next paragraph. But in most fields our generation has witnessed complete liberation of our thinking. Show any longshoreman a Sunday supplement describing a proposal to explore the moon by means of a rocket and he will say, I bet they do it, maybe not so long either. 1939. You know, it was 30 years later that happened. Is not our age characterized by the ease of which we discard old ideas for new? By the complete readiness with which we throw away the theory or the gadget which does not work for something new which does? I have a cell phone that I can call and I can text. I'm the most unsophisticated person in this room because I know every one of you has a cell phone that can do more than that. You know that? I know some of you have got a cell fund that you can look up Facebook on. I think that's fantastic. I ain't doing it. We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply our human problems in the same readiness to change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal relationships. We couldn't control our emotional natures. We were prey to misery and depression. We couldn'T make a living. We had a feeling of uselessness. We were full of fear. we were unhappy we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people was not the basic solution of these bedevil limits more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight of course it is when we saw not heard when we thought others solved their problems by a simple reliance upon the spirit of the universe we had to stop doubting the power of God our ideas did not work but if we saw in others we saw that the God idea did top of page 53 logic is great stuff we liked it we still like it it is not by chance we are given the power to reason to examine the evidence of our senses and to draw conclusions that is one of man's magnificent attributes We agnostically inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal which does not lend itself to a reasonable approach and interpretation. Hence, we are at pains to tell why we think our present faith is reasonable, why we say it is more sane and logical to believe than not to believe, why we said our former thinking was soft and mushy when we threw up our hands in doubt and said, We don't know. And you know what? Before I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, that was not something that I ever said. You asked me a question, I had an answer. It was probably the wrong answer, but as long as you didn't know it was the wrong answer, it wasthe right answer. I never said, I don't know. I say it all the time. I surprise the guys I work with when I say, I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? Go look it up. I don't know what page it's on. Page 62 probably. That's always an easy one for me. When we became alcoholics crushed by a self-imposed crisis nobody forced me to drink we could not postpone or evade we fearlessly we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either god is everything or else he is nothing god either is or he isn't and they give us a choice what's my choice to be what's your choice to do don't answer but what's your choice arrived at this point we were squarely confronted with the question of faith we couldn't duck the issue some of us had already walked far over the bridge of reason towards the desired shore of faith the outlines and the promises of the new land had brought lust to our lustrous to our tired eyes and fresh courage to flagging spirits friendly hands had reached had stretched out in welcome and i got aa written next to that friendly hands had reached out and welcomed, because that's what we do. We were grateful that reason had brought us so far, but somehow we couldn't step ashore. Perhaps we'd been leaning too heavy on reason that last mile and we did not like to lose our support. You know, take a step out on faith. That was natural, but let us think a little more closely. Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? Page 54. For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, objectively faithful to the God of reason. So in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time. Just the wrong way. We found too that we had become worshipers what a state of mental goose flesh that used to bring home goosebumps in my brain have we not variously worshipped people sentiment, things, money ourselves and then with a better motive have we now worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea or a flower who of us has not loved something or somebody how much did these feelings these loves, this worship have to do with pure reason little or nothing we saw at last were not these things the tissue out of which our lives were constructed did not these feelings after all determine the course of our existence it was impossible to say that we had no capacity for faith or love or worship in one form or another we had been living by faith and little else imagine life without faith were nothing left but pure reason it wouldn't be life but we believed in life, of course we did we could not prove life in the sense that you could prove a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, yet there it was could we still say to the whole that say the whole thing was nothing but a mass of electrons created out of nothing meaning nothing whirling on and design of nothingness or to a destiny of nothingess? Of course we could you know if the electrons themselves seemed more intelligent than I, or than that. At least so the chemist said. Hence we saw that reason isn't everything, neither is reason as most of us use it entirely dependable, though it emanate from our best minds. What about the people who proved that man could never fly? They were proved wrong. Yet we are seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world. People who rose above their problems. they said that God made these things possible and we only smiled we had seen spiritual release but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true if you see it if you si spiritual release in somebody why would I doubt it why would I say it isn't true actually we were fooling ourselves people say I go to church to find God people have looked for God all over the world and here it tells you right where for deep down in every man woman and child is a fundamental idea of God where is that in my heart in my hard for deep down inside every man woman and child is a fundamental idea of God it may be obscured by calamity by pomp by worship of other things but in some form or other it is there for faith in a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly but he was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the great reality deep down within us in the last analysis it is only there that he may be found he or she and it was so with us we can only clear the ground a bit for testimony helps sweep away prejudice enables you to think honestly encourage you to search diligently within yourself then if you wish you can join us on the broad highway with this attitude you cannot fail the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you he goes on to say in this book you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist the story is so interesting that some of it should be told now his change of heart was dramatic and convincing and moving our friend was a minister's son he attended church school where he became rebellious at what he thought was an overdose of religious education For years thereafter, he was dogged by trouble and frustration, business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide. These calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. Post-war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical collapse brought him to the point of self-destruction. Now, I don't have proof, and I'm looking for it, but I believe that we're talking about after Ebby came to Bill. One night when confined in the hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic, who had known a spiritual experience. Our friend Gorge Rose has bitterly cried out, Here's an alcoholic prayer. Here's a prayer for you. Here's another alcoholic prayer if I ever heard one. If there is a God, He certainly hasn't done anything for me. That's a pray. You're talking to God. But later alone in the room, he asked himself this question. Is it possible that all the religious people I have known are wrong? While pondering the answer, he felt as though he lived in hell. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought came. It crowded out all else. Who are you to say there is no God? Who are YOU, confined to a mental hospital, shaken from alcoholic delirium, who are you, to say, there is not God? This man recounts that he tumbled out of his bed onto his knees and in a few seconds was overwhelmed by a conviction of the presence of God. It poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. The barriers he had built through the years were swept away. He stood in the presence OF INFINITE POWER AND LOVE. He had stepped from the bridge to shore. For the first time he lived in the conscious companionship with his Creator. Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude is shaken, and his alcoholic problem is taken away. That very night years ago it disappeared, save for a few brief moments of temptation. The thought of drink never returned, and at such times great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. Step 2 what is this but a miracle of healing yet its elements are simple circumstances made him willing to believe he humbly offered himself to his maker then he knew even so has God restored all of us to our right minds to this man the revelation was sudden some of us have to grow into it more slowly see the spiritual appendix in the back of the book but he has come to all who have honestly sought him when we drew near to him, he disclosed himself to us that's the end of that paragraph I'm going to go to that as Bill sees it for a minute Bill sees it and it's also going to be on page 100 when we get there and I read this before but I'm gonna read it again you know It's on page 2 as Bill sees it. My depression deepened unbearably, and finally it seemed to me as though I was at the very bottom of the pit. For the moment, the last vestige of my proud obstinacy was crushed. All at once I found myself crying out, If there is a God, here's a prayer, if there is an end, if there IS a God let him show himself. I am ready to do anything. Anything. And this is Bill describing his spiritual experience. suddenly the room lit up with a great white light and it seemed to me in the mind's eye that I was on a mountain and that a wind not of air but of spirit was blowing and then it burst upon me that I were a free man slowly the ecstasy subsided I lay on the bed but now for a time I was in another world a new world of consciousness all about me and through me there was a wonderful feeling of presence and I thought to myself so this is the God of the preachers and he'll say that again on page 100 when we get there I'm going to use another one of Bill's quotes here as Bill sees it and I think it applies to me maybe somebody else page 279 the fine art of alibis the majority of AA members have suffered severely from self-justification during their drinking days for most of us, self-Justification was the maker of excuses for drinking and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We had made the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink because times were hard or times were good. We had drink because at home we were smothered with love or we got none at all. We had drank because at work we are great success or dismal failures. We had drunk because our nation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went on ad infinitum. I had to drink because I was an alcoholic. Yeah, I can make up all the justifications I want. I had a drink because I couldn't do anything else. Now, I told you all last time that I was going to bring some different material in. This is Pass It On, the story of Bill Wilson and how AA message reached the world. And one of the things I wanted to bring in was the Oxford group used a set of principles that Bill kind of built on. And the Oxford Group is where Bill went because there wasn't any AA at the time, 1935. That's where Dr. Bob was going out in Akron. The Oxford Group was a non-denominational evangelical Evangelical. Evangelical, but the principles that they used, Bill realized that he couldn't use all of them, all right? And one of them... They had four absolutes in the Oxford group. Absolute honesty, absolute purity, absolute unselfishness, absolute love. And Bill believed that the principles of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love are as much a goal for AA members and are as mucho practiced by them as by any other group of people. Yet we found that when the word absolute was put in front of these attributes, they either turned people away by the hundreds or gave a temporary spiritual inflation resulting in collapse. so what they did was they used the principles as best they could but they took out absolutes they tookout having to go out and aggressively force people to believe in something they made it to where we could believe in what we wanted to believe as long as it was a power greater than ourself alright we have reached page 57 and that means that next week we're going to read how it works how about that you know if you were absolute in all those four attributes you wouldn't be an alcoholic you think and I'm not going to go into all the things that the Oxford group believed in and everything else I can just tell you it was a great organization for a while and then the university Oxford University asked them to quit using the name because of some of the controversies they got into and they called it moral rearmament alright alright so I'm an appellate my name is Jim Powers hey Jim and we are going to start this meeting like we do every other one with a moment of silent meditation to be used as you see fit and we'll follow it with serenity prayer serenety prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. We are going to start on Chapter 5 today. We have spent about four weeks going over two things. And that's the way Bill was writing this book. The Problem and the Solution Step 1 and Step 2 And he was writing this really to try to if you remember the big book was the original 12-step call. They just mailed it out to people and they hoped that people would read the book implemented the spiritual principles and got sober and had a great way of life. But during the time that he was reading the first oh four chapters and part of how it works it was being sent out to all the other members you know, the first 100 and every time he would send it out he would get back cross throughs change this getting 100 alcoholics to agree on anything is pretty tough and so Bill got almost to the point where he was going to quit and he told everybody that either they were going to give him permission to write the book or they could write the book themselves after after he wrote how it works in the 12 steps he said either i'm going to write the rest of the book and y'all can have input or you write the book now having all those alcoholics give him sole discretion on how to write thebook you know you got to think about that they're just giving away all their power and all their their input but you know why they did it because they didn't want to write the book and bill was the best one at doing it so far so they decided to leave him alone hey greg they decided leave him along after how it works and how it worked was rewritten 44 times that's how many times it went out came back when i came back went out came back and they had to keep rewriting it and that's why bill got so upset but you know all the way up to this point he's been telling us we're powerless over alcohol our lives are unmanageable step one okay unmanegeable drunk unmanangeable sober and step two that we have to have a power greater than ourselves we just read that last week when we were in we agnostics that we had to find a power bigger than ourselves and that was the object of the book is to find a power that we could depend on that would solve all our problems. I've got a friend doing this down in Orlando right now and he has taught me a tremendous amount of things and he does this at the start of each one of his sessions and I haven't done it yet, but I think I'm going to do it. It's another prayer and it's a good prayer. It's called the set-aside prayer. So if you just bow your head for a second. Lord, help me set aside everything I thinkI know about You everything I know about myself, everything I know about my fellows, and everything I think I know about my recovery. All for a new experience in you, Lord, a new experience in myself, a new experienced in my fellows and a much needed new experience in my recovery, amen. So we're going to start with how it works on chapter 5 and I'm going to impart some history as we go along and the very first word is rarely and people said that bill originally wrote never now bill wilson before he passed away told a longtime member that he would never have put that word there because there would have been an alcoholic who would have done everything this book said and still got out to drink just to spite him and so he put the word rarely have we've seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Now, their path was this path of recovery. The program of action is the path of discovery. And up to this point, we've just been talking about the problem and the solution. The next sentence is going to tell us who is not going to get this program. There are those who do not recover. Those who do NOT recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Will not and can nots are not going to get this program. They've closed their mind to all spiritual concepts from the back of the book. They have got contempt prior to investigation, and that's the way I was for about three and a half years. I was a will not, not a could not. usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable being honest with themselves there are such unfortunates they are not at fault they seem to have been born that way and here it is they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty there's only a couple demands in this book there's a lot of musts there's some requirements but this is it right here and the second time you'll see a demand it will have the same thing demand rigorous honesty because if you can't be honest rigorously honest with yourself you're not going to be able to do these steps that are coming up. Their chances are less than average there are those who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. He goes on to say our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like what happened and what we are like now so when we tell our stories we tell it in a general way if here's a condition if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it now if you want what we have what did they have they had sobriety they had a way of living that they never had before. They had a spiritual awakening. So if you want what they have and are willing to go to any length to get it, willingness being the key there, then you're ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked, stopped. We thought we could find an easier, softer way but we could not. The bottle was not an easier softer way. even though I continue to try to avoid doing this I continue trying avoiding having to look at myself or making amends and I continue to get drunk with all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely Nil being nothing. You know, you can't do half this program and get half this program. You either do it all or you get nil. You get nothing. Remember that we deal with alcohol. Cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help, it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power. We found that in the chapter before. That one is God. May you find him now. Now, we hear this read almost at every AA meeting. Chapter 5, how it works, is read almost at every AAA meeting I go to. As a newcomer walking through the door, it's a little bit confusing. My friend in Orlando, Rob, he explains it like you're in a math class and you walk in for the first day and they're on chapter 5. They're in calculus. And you don't even know how to do fractions because you haven't done anything in chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4. So to be able to do this, you've got to do it the way it was written. The way Bill wrote it, he wrote it as it flowed all the way through him and he wrote with the guidance of God. And I'll read a couple of excerpts from some different books in a minute. But one of the things that we hear a lot is there's no timelines in doing these steps. Easy does it. Don't get in a rush. Those things like that. And what we're going to find out is Bill had timelines built throughout this book on when to do things. May you find him now is a timeline, right then. You know, by now you've read the first four chapters talking about the problem and where the solution was. So you better be ready to have a God in your life of your understanding now before you go any further. Half measures availed us nothing. half of nothing is nothing three quarters of nothing is nothing 99% of nothing is still nothing we stood at the turning point we asked his protection and care with complete abandon ok here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery now remember the steps as written right here and on the wall are summaries of the action that you have to do to get to this spiritual awakening that we're all looking for. That's why we're here. We're trying to get to that spiritual awakening. And so, to see the summary of the steps, that's one thing. But the steps are in the meat of the book. And he explains them, he explains step one and step two in 59 pages, almost 60 pages. And why do you think that is? Because step one, you've got to know you've Got a Problem and that you can't control your own life. And step two is a solution to all my problems. It is a power greater than myself. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. Now, suggested steps sometimes are on the wall. I know the group at Albany has suggested steps. You know, these things are life and death. These steps are, to me, life and depth. And so the analogy he uses, Rob down there uses, You know, when you go up in an airplane and the guy pushes you out and tells you that red ripcord right there, he suggests that about halfway down, you pull it. Well, that's what this suggestion is to me. It's a command. It's do this or you're not going to get what you're looking for. One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. The first four chapters and part of this one. One and two. Three, made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I've said this many times. If you had told me, like some of the early members wanted to have a Christian program, some members wanted to have no God in the book, some members want to have the Buddha, Allah, whatever. if any of that had been in this book or on the wall I don't think I'd be here I can't swear I wouldn't but coming from a non-religious family I didn't want to come in here and be at church I came in here wanting to save my life now I can go to church and be saved and you know hallelujah and all that but that's not what I was looking for I was Looking for a way to stop drinking permanently or die so as we understood it we being the first 100. That's who they're talking about right now when they're using the word we. I have gone back through this book and I have worked with my guys after, you know, they've done the 12 steps probably after a year I take them back through this part and I change we in everything to I because we're not going to do my moral inventory. Right? We're not gonna do my 8-step amends list. We're Not Gonna Do my ninth step amends. I'm going to be doing them. These are things that I have to do. So, I have a lot of these things. They're saying these are the things each individual one that had input into this book is what they did to get to that spiritual experience. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, we were entirely we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of characters remember Bill is using the six steps of the Oxford group when he's doing this when he writes this book there are only six steps that he knows about alright and I'm going to read something about that in just a minute 7 humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings 8 made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening As a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. In A.A. Comes of Age, Bill talks a little bit about how he did this, how he wrote those 12 steps right there. And it says, This particular evening as my mind ran over the developments, it seemed to me that the program was still not definite enough. It might be a long time before readers of the book in distant places and lands could be personally contacted. Therefore, our literature would have to be as clear and comprehensive as possible. And we've already talked about clear-cut directions, specific instructions. Our steps would have had to be more explicit. There must not be a single loophole through which a rationalizing alcoholic could wiggle out. we couldn't have a loophole I would look for every loophole I could to find an easier way than to do what I did which is the 12 steps program of action maybe our 6 chunks of truth should get broken up into smaller pieces those 6 chunks were the 6 steps that the Oxford group used thus we could better get the distant reader over the barrel and at the same time we might be able to broaden and deepen the spiritual implications of our whole presentation So far as I can remember, this was all I had in mind when the writing began. What he did was, when he started to write the 12 steps and how it works, he prayed first. He relaxed and asked for guidance. He prayed. And with a speed that was astonishing considering my jaggering emotions, I completed the first draft. It took perhaps a half hour. 30 minutes for him to draft the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous 44 times to have it rewritten before he'd had enough the words kept right on coming when I reached the stopping point I numbered the new steps they added up to 12 somehow this number seemed significant feeling greatly relieved now I commenced to reread the draft and then it goes on to talk about how some members came over and read it with him. And some of them were greatly pleased with what he had written. And he read them the new version of the program, now the 12 Steps. A guy named Howard and his friend reacted violently. Why 12 Step? They demanded. And then you've got too much God in these steps. You'll scare people away. The original draft had a lot more God in it. And I don't have it with me today. Maybe I'll bring it withme next week. But there are things about getting on your knees and asking God to remove your defects of character, withholding nothing. That was step seven. You've got too much God in these steps that will scare people away and what do you mean about getting those drunks down on their knees when they ask to have all their shortcomings removed? And who wants all their shortcomings moved anyhow? I want to hang on to a couple. As he saw my uneasiness, Howard added, well, some of this stuff really does sound good after all but Bill you've got to tone it down it's too stiff the average alcoholic just won't buy it the way it stands now Bill got kind of defensive about that and I don't know about y'all but whenever I used to get real defensive and get in an argument he goes on to say when Lois came home the argument stopped so you know Lois had a calming effect I think on Bill quite a bit after he got sober she didn't have much effect on him trying to get him sober and later on you'll find out in one of her books that she got so mad that A.A. and the Oxford group helped Bill win all the years that she had tried that one night he was off to one of his meetings and she took off one of their shoes and threw it at him. And the book that was written about her was called When Love Was Not Enough and that's exactly what it was, when love was not enough to get him to stay sober. Many of us exclaimed, what an order, I can't go through with it. then it tells us, Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these spiritual principles, to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, here's the point, that we're willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, And here it goes on to say who is going to be the ones that this book is going to be able to help. Our description of the alcoholic, that's the first 60 pages in the doctor's opinion, the chapter to the agnostic, chapter 4, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives, step one. B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. Step two, rewritten. C, that God could and would if he were sought. Step two rewritten in a different way. Now, the book right there, in its original form, said something, and I'm not going to quote it correctly, but it said something like, If you are not convinced yet please re-read this book to this point or throw it away because the first 60 pages telling you the problem and telling you the solution if you're not convinced and you've re-red the book to this point again if you are not convinced you are not going to go any further you are not going to do the rest of these steps throw the book away go get drunk come back when you can do what it says get convinced because now what we've done is we've just ended step two because the next sentence says it. Being convinced, we are at step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life and I was taught that will is thoughts and life is actions. So decided to return our thoughts and our actions, our will in our lives over to God as we understood him and just what do we mean by that and just what do we do alright they're going to tell you Bill right now is back going to be writing this book by himself with the help of others but he is now getting ready to tell you what we're going to do and it says right there the first requirement the first requirement the first action as I call it is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Any life run on self will can hardly be a successful success. I have to have somebody else running my life. I have to have a power greater than myself. I have to have a creator that I believe in to run my life because I have proven time and again before I got here and after I got here that when I tried to take control even in sobriety when I tried to take control of my life I ran it into the ditch and so any life run on self-will can hardly be a success on that basis we're almost always in collusion with something or somebody even though our motives are good so even though we might have good motives if we're running our life on self will we're going to run into something we're gonna run into a ditch we're gunna run into suthin most people try to live life by self-propulsion each person is like the actor he's going to tell you now what I'm like each person like the actress wants to run the whole show is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way if his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great now if only everybody would do what I told them to do and act the way I told him to act, everything would be great. But they don't. And even if they did, I still wouldn't be satisfied. I wouldn't. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, Even modest and self-sacrificing. You know, that describes me. Sometimes. And then it goes on to describe me some more. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistic, selfish, and dishonest. But as with most humans, he's more likely to have varied traits. What usually happens, the show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. and then he decides to exert his self-will himself more. He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still, the play does not suit him. Admitting he is somewhat at fault, right? Alcoholics are never going to be totally at fault aren't we? Somewhat at fault. He is sure that other people are more to blame. he becomes angry indignant and self-pitying what is his basic trouble self he's telling you right there self is his basic trouble is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind is he not a victim of the delusion that he can force rest these satisfactions and happiness out of this world if only he manages well victim of a delusion I'm telling myself something over and over that's a lie that's an illusion I'm continuing to tell myself over andover I can control this I can handle this I don't need your help I don' t need God's help that's delusion is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are things he wants and do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in the best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? Step three is an absolute step of surrender. And I truly believe that the first two steps are thoughts then we make a decision in step three and then four through nine we're going to take the actions and this comes from Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers let me see where it is okay on page 101 he says when they were doing the twelve steps they were dealing with twelve steps or the six steps before the book was written they were doing them three or four hours that's how fast they were getting through the program that the Oxford group had and they were taking them upstairs getting them on their knees to surrender which I felt was a very important part the surrender was more important it was a must more than important, it was a must Bob E. came into AA in February 1937, recall that after five or six days in the hospital when you had indicated you were serious they told you to get down on your knees by the bed and say a prayer to God admitting you were powerless over alcohol your life was unmanageable furthermore you had to state that you believed in a higher power who would return you to sanity now that's step two and it goes on to say at the bottom of 61 our actor me is self-centered egocentric as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired businessman who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining over the sins of the 20th century. No. Complaining over the sad state of the nation, the minister who sighs over the sons of the 20th-century politicians and reformers are sure all would be utopia if the rest of the world would only behave the outlaw safecracker who thinks society has wronged him. There was me. I kept going to jail thinking society was wrong. Well, I was an outlaw. I was supposed to be in jail. And the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Locked up in the mental institution. Locked in jail locked up in jail whatever our protestations are not most of us concerned with ourselves our resentments our self pity now it's going to go on and I like to do this with my guys you know when they call me I said listen you know I hear what you're saying your problems are on page 62 your solution is on page 63 so it goes on to say selfishness and self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles driven by a hundred forms of fear self delusion self seeking self pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt self-will gets me nothing but pain and so he comes to say so our troubles we think are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. Now that's probably the second or third time that he's talked about that this is a deadly disease, that it kills you. And now he's not talking about alcohol. Now he's talking about selfishness, self-centeredness. Resentment. We must or it kills us. And who makes that possible? God makes that impossible. And there often seems no way entirely getting rid of self without God's aid. Without his aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore. But we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we try to reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. We had to have God's health. Our own conception of God. This is the how and the why of it. First of all, first of all we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. I didn't think I played God when I came here. I just didn't get that part. And I sat with my sponsor and I said, I'm not out there playing God. And so he asked me, well, what about your family? I said well, I'm the breadwinner. I'm a guy who goes out to work every day. I'm one that does the checkbook. I'm on the one that pays the bills. He said you know how many times you've said I'm right there? You don't think that's playing God? Not once did you say, well, God's in charge of anything. You're in charge OF everything, Jim. And you have to quit playing God. Because it didn't work. Next we decided that hereafter, in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. We're admitting that we can't do it on our own. We're having to do step three, which is when we're going to turn our will and our life, our thoughts and our actions, over to the God that we understand. god was going to be our director he is the principal we are his agents he is the father we are as children most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch to which we pass to freedom now early in bill's story he talks about building a foundation and then later on it talks about putting in a cornerstone and now we're talking about putting in a keystone of a triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom the keystone is that center stone at the very top of the arch that holds it together and the arch goes in and out in and now but if you take away that keystone of that arch what happens the arch crumbles it falls down it falls apart so continually Bill I always thought you know Bill must have been some kind of engineer well he studied engineering because he talks about different designs of this house we're building on a firm bedrock not on soft sand or quicksand cornerstones the start of the foundation the keystone holds the arch together he continues to build this house that we're going to live in. This house of serenity, this house of peace, this House of Spirituality. Okay, on top of the next page. When we sincerely took such a position now sincerely took such a position, I was taught that I have to take a secondary position to God. God's in charge of everything everything. And so I have to take that secondary position. All sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer being all-powerful. He provided what we needed. He provided what we need if we kept close to him at step 11 and performed his work well at step 12. He is providing everything I need today. established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves and our little plans and designs and more and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life as we felt new power flow in as we enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully as we became conscious of his presence we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow and the hereafter we were reborn it doesn't mean that I am in church accept Christ and I'm a reborn Christian that's not what it means it means I'm getting a second chance at life I have a second chance we're the only people I know that get to live two lives we're blessed that way because of this program we lived a life before we got here and then we lived the life after I'm going to read that paragraph again because what that says to me is the third step promises before we even do the third step more and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life as we felt new power flow in that's a promise, as we enjoyed peace of mind promise,as we discovered we could face life successfully promise,As we became conscious of his presence promise we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow and hereafter we were reborn now we're at step 3 and many of us said to our maker alright he does not tell us what prayer you have to use continue throughout the book he's going to say things like something like this or we did this But he's not saying, you have to do this exact prayer. There are a lot of times where I tell my guys, write down your own third step prayer and let's do it. And then let's just do the one out of the book. And because I'm not a biblical scholar, I never read this prayer the way it's written in the book I read it in English, which is what I know. And if you want to, you can. You don't have to. But if you want to, this is the way I've been taught to do it. On my knees. So I'm going to get on my knees and I'm gonna do the third set prayer. If you want a reader with me, you can. Many of us said to our maker as we understood him, God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do your will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of your power, your love and your way of life may I do your will always alright now I'm going to go back and I'm gonna go over that prayer and I know somebody in this room has heard me say that before and they'll just have to listen to it again the first thing God the first word of that prayer God what I'm saying is I believe in a power greater than myself already I'm not I'm asking that I am not God I'm asking God for something so I am admitting that there is this power greater than myself I offer myself to thee I'm offering myself to God I don't know what to do God I need your help to build with me and do with me as you will. Alright? I'm saying to God, do anything you want. Build me up and do as you want me to do. Relieve me of the bondage of self. I'm asking God to take away my self-will, my self pity, my self centeredness. In that prayer right there. that I might better do your will. Take away my difficulties. Now I'm asking them to take away my problems. Take away My Difficulties. And a lot of My Difificulties are completely in my head. They are not real. They have been delusional for so long that I just think they're difficulties. But I can tell you this, I had serum hepatitis when I was 17 and 18 two different rounds of serum hepatitus because of dirty needles and so all my life I carried the hepatitis enzymes in my liver I could never donate blood because it had hepatitis in it when I got sober I was challenged by my son and I still can't believe this but I was charged by my son to become an emergency medical technician Now, most of you all have heard my story. You know I got an eighth grade education and then I got my GED on a chain gang. And he wanted me to take one of the most advanced medical courses there is known to mankind. You have to have three different courses. You have make an 80 on all the courses at the state level in Florida to be able to take the national exam. and I went there and there are words that are three feet long that have to do with the heart there's miles and miles of blood streams and cells and all this stuff the human body like Bill said in his story is a magnificent mechanism and so never once did I even think of praying God take away my hepatitis never once I went to the EMT school because I told my son I would I paid the money, I took the course I told the paramedic instructor on the second day there there is no way I'm going to be able to pass this course I'm just not that smart I can't do these words and he said Jim