Coming Into AA Before I Was Ready Showed Me Where to Come Back When I Finally Was – Morgan G.

About This Speaker Tape

Morgan came into AA a week before turning 21 after her cat got run over and she was mixing uppers and downers to stay functional at work. Her roommate brought her to Serenity House, where the first thing she heard was a man say "Hi, I'm John and I'm an alcoholic," which she thought was a terrible idea. She got a sponsor because she was a people pleaser, found herself in the Big Book, but wasn't done. She picked up several white chips over the next stretch and finally said she didn't want to collect any more until she meant it. Then she went back out for about five years.

A breakup moved her alone to Athens, working Starbucks and Ulta, and she fell into a tattoo-artist circle where three-day parties meant mistaking amphetamines for cocaine on a tray. By March 2020 she was yellow, sleeping two hours every five days, resting heart rate 130 to 150, physically unable to take a deep breath, and suicidal in a dark room while two brothers tattooed out of the house and a party ran outside her door. A brief window of willingness cracked open. She picked up the phone, told everyone the truth, did outpatient during the pandemic, and moved to Beaufort with a conditionally sober partner she quickly made her Higher Power. When that relationship burned down, so did her sobriety.

Her real date is October 1, 2021. Thirty days in she found out, in the meeting right after she picked up the chip, that a friend she had lived with had died by suicide, and she decided to stay sober in his memory. Around a year and a half in she got pregnant from a one-night stand while living at her parents' house, miscarried after talking nurseries, and called an AA friend who showed up with a full care package including turkey deli meat she had mentioned missing. She broke down in a women's meeting and found women with the same story. Her step four took eight hours and burned a candle all the way down; she typed it because her hand was cramping and she didn't want carpal tunnel from her resentments.

Today she is a month from four years. She is married to a man she met in the rooms after watching him share hard and keep showing up, and she is a step-parent to three kids she never signed up for. Her sponsor keeps them in Steps 6 and 7 as a lifelong process. She reads from "Student of Life" in the back of the Big Book: she came to AA to stop drinking, and what she got back was her life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opens as Morgan, sobriety date October 1, 2021, a month away from four years
• 2:30 First meeting at Serenity House a week before turning 21 — John says "I'm an alcoholic" and she thinks it sounds like a terrible idea
• 7:00 Picks up several white chips early, decides to stop collecting them, goes back out for roughly five years
• 13:00 Moves to Athens alone, works Starbucks and Ulta, meets the tattoo artist and mistakes amphetamines for cocaine on a tray
• 22:00 March 2020 lockdown bottom — yellow, not sleeping, heart rate 130 to 150, can't take a deep breath
• 27:00 Window of willingness opens — throws a log in it, calls one recovery contact, family, and friends and tells the truth
• 32:00 Outpatient in Beaufort with a conditionally sober partner she makes her Higher Power; relationship ends and so does sobriety
• 37:00 Picks up 30-day chip October 2021 and learns in that same meeting her friend Derek has died by suicide
• 43:00 Miscarriage around 18 months sober, AA friend brings a care package with turkey deli meat, she breaks down in a women's meeting
• 55:00 Reads "Student of Life" from the back of the Big Book — came to AA to stop drinking, got her life back