Clint H. at the Stateline Retreat 2005 – 2005

About This Speaker Tape

A smoldering couch in a Portland street, dragged out by two men in the middle of the night, serves as an early marker of the wreckage. Clint H. spent decades polishing an image—first as a dental student on Dexamil, then as a Marine officer and a lawyer—all while remaining a "donkey carrying around an image." He describes his life as a series of arrangements rather than relationships, rooted in a childhood where he felt betrayed by his mother and terrified of his father's fists.

Even twenty-three years sober, Clint found himself lost and terrified, treating the Big Book like a "box of cake mix" that he read carefully but never actually baked. It took a total collapse of his income, home, and marriage to force a real surrender. He details the gritty mechanics of Step Nine: 3x5 cards listing harms, marked with pluses or minuses for willingness. Through a Higher Power, he moved from the "hellfire and brimstone" of his youth to a place of obedience, eventually facing the pain of his so...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Clint H. opens by discussing the role of conference-approved literature.
• 4:15 Laughter: Story about the 'donkey' and the false image of the self.
• 6:30 The 'colorful' Saturday mornings in dental school and the burning couch incident.
• 12:10 Clint describes his first encounter with Bill K. and the realization that he would 'drink no matter what'.
• 18:45 The 'cake mix' analogy: reading the Big Book without doing the work.
• 24:10 Childhood trauma in Billings, Montana, and the feeling of betrayal by his mother.
• 35:20 The pain of realizing he was an absent parent even while sober.
• 42:15 Detailed breakdown of Step 8 and the use of 3x5 cards to track amends.
• 51:30 Step 9: Making amends to the father of a former partner's child.
• 62:10 The emotional process of forgiving his father and visiting his grave in Roanoke.
• 68:40 The final amends: clipping the grass around his mother's grave in Billings.
• 75:15 Closing story about seeking the blessing of his future father-in-law.