Chrissie H. – Service – The Wreckage of the Past – 2010

About This Speaker Tape

Chrissie maps out a life defined by early wreckage and a long, slow climb toward stability. She traces the ghosts of her past—a biological father who drank until the end, a childhood spent manipulating for money, and pregnancies spent in bars. She describes the humbling descent into the projects and the reliance on food stamps, which served as her external bottom.

However, she identifies her true bottom as the 'big hole' inside her, a void she tried to fill with alcohol and later with the rigorous work of the steps. Through the guidance of her sponsor, Johnny, and the hard lessons of loss—including the murder of a sponsee and the suicide of a mentor—Chrissie dismantles the idea of the 'victim' and accepts the role of the 'volunteer.' She concludes by emphasizing the necessity of staying in the middle of the program to avoid falling off the bed.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and early life in Louisville, Kentucky.
• 3:15 Memory of her father drinking beer through a straw in his final days.
• 7:40 Discussion of drinking during pregnancies and the decision to give a child up for adoption.
• 11:20 Laughter: The 'tequila shirt' and the experience of the drunk tank.
• 16:10 First meeting in Bowling Green and the attempt to use saltine crackers to hide the smell of alcohol.
• 21:45 The 'bottom' of living in the projects and the transition to working the steps.
• 26:30 The Fifth Step: Grieving the loss of the child she gave up for adoption.
• 31:10 Making amends at a gas station in the woods.
• 36:40 The tragedy of Gina: A sponsee who relapsed and was murdered.
• 41:20 The suicide of Greg and the lesson it taught her about the dangers of picking up.
• 45:10 Discussion of heroes in AA and the concept of 'staying in the middle of the bed'.
• 48:00 Closing reading from the Big Book, 'A Vision for You'.