Chapter to the Agnostic and the 24 Things in the Big Book – Earl H.

About This Speaker Tape

A mountain in Los Mochos, Mexico, 1974. Earl H. wakes up with a fractured skull and a broken back, watching his parents and little sister bleed to death in the wreckage of a plane crash. He is left for dead by scavengers, a moment that cements his hatred for a world and a Higher Power that would spare a "lying, cheating, thieving, dope fiend" while taking the innocent.

Earl describes a life spent "opening the paintbox" of drugs and alcohol to kill a lifelong, suffocating fear. From a childhood spent in a "Lord of the Flies" boarding school to a cycle of mental institutions and a brush with malignant cancer, he treats booze as the great equalizer—the only reliable stabilizer. After years of using tragedy as a shield to manipulate others for another drink, he hits a wall of total isolation. He arrives at AA not for sobriety, but to chase a woman, sitting in the back with the meanest look he can muster, only to be broken by the dignity of a skid row bum who lived without wreckage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Earl H. opens by thanking the organizers and acknowledging previous speakers.
• 4:15 Recounts being abandoned at boarding school at age 12 and the fight with 'Tiny'.
• 10:30 Discusses the reliability of alcohol compared to the unpredictability of street drugs.
• 16:45 Laughter: Story about using Kilday as a diversion to escape the mental institution.
• 22:10 Describes the plane crash in Mexico and the loss of his family.
• 31:20 Describes the 'pseudo sanitarium' in Hollywood and the cycle of 72-hour detoxes.
• 38:40 The moment of clarity and the encounter with Dr. Vicki Fox at Long Beach General.
• 45:10 First experience with AA and the impact of a 'Skid Row bum' speaker.
• 52:30 Discusses the relationship with his sponsor, Donald M., and the necessity of being yelled at.
• 58:15 Detailed breakdown of the 12 Steps and the triangle of unity, recovery, and service.
• 1:05:20 Humorous breakdown of the 'newcomer's experience' and the distraction of the red coat.
• 1:15:00 Closing thoughts on the 'abyss' and the joy of living a day at a time.