Carla R. at the Heartland Roundup – 2019

About This Speaker Tape

1969, North Beach. A few minutes on the street and a new career path opens up: selling sex for money. Carla R. describes a life spent as a "scream looking for a mouth," drifting from the "romper room" of juvenile halls to a roofless mining claim in Oregon. For Carla, alcohol wasn't just a drink; it was a tool to survive a family wreckage of suicide and liver disease, a way to mute the noise inside her head. She speaks of the "lullaby of rationalization" and the delusion that she could be a better parent while drinking moonshine in a cabin.

The turning point wasn't a sudden epiphany, but a collapse on a barstool in Arcadia where she lost her job and her daughter in one fell swoop. Now, with over three decades of sobriety, she views her life as a series of "flimsy reeds" that led to a Higher Power. She recounts the gritty satisfaction of making amends to a man from Hollywood Boulevard, proving that grace often arrives only after the wreckage is complete.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Carla R. opens with the energy of the room and the gift of being 'voluntold' for service.
• 5:15 Discussion on the 'lullaby of rationalization' and the obsession to drink.
• 12:40 Recounting the 'slut' label in junior high and the start of her social drinking.
• 18:20 Descriptions of juvenile hall and the 'prison for kids' experience.
• 25:10 The transition to San Francisco and the start of her career in sex work.
• 32:45 The 'nut house' love and the cycle of violence in mental hospitals.
• 45:10 The bottom: losing her job and her daughter in one fell swoop at a bar in Arcadia.
• 52:30 Meeting her neighbor and the first introduction to the Big Book.
• 1:02:15 The story of the man from Hollywood Boulevard and the miracle of the 8th Step amends.
• 1:15:40 Raw account of the assault she suffered at five years sober and the subsequent trial.
• 1:24:10 The 'prayer of compassion' in the courtroom and the act of forgiveness.
• 1:32:00 Closing thoughts on the 'goldfish mentality' and the daily discipline of gratitude.