Carl J. and the Spiritus Contra Spiritum – Mari G.

About This Speaker Tape

Edmonton, Alberta, 1984. Shaking so hard that strangers wave back, Mari G. describes her early sobriety as a state of mea culpa. To her, Steps 4, 5, and 6 are the "pre-op" preparation for the soul surgery of Step 7. She recalls a childhood in Scotland where she was a "liar, cheat, and thief" before she ever touched a drink, starting with a stolen apple at age seven. She speaks of a "claustrophobic" entrapment in self, a burden of subconsciousness that drove her to seek oblivion in mental institutions and liquor.

Mari views her recovery through the lens of spiritus contra spiritum—spirit against spirit. She details the grit of her inventory: the loss of her children, the shame of living on Skid Row like a "sewer in a glass bottom boat," and a rage that surfaced even 28 years sober. Through the guidance of her Higher Power and sponsors, she moves from being a "waste of good skin" to a woman freed from the obsession of control and the pathology of fear.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Mari G. opens with gratitude and mentions her dry date of August 10, 1984.
• 3:45 Description of the 'pre-op' nature of Steps 4, 5, and 6.
• 6:10 The 'mea culpa' state of grace and the decision to do a Fourth Step while suffering from shingles.
• 9:30 Childhood memories in Scotland: stealing apples and the 'Garden of Eden' metaphor.
• 14:20 Discussion of the 'escape from self' and the claustrophobia of the subconscious.
• 18:50 The experience of the Fifth Step with a Jesuit priest in downtown Edmonton.
• 23:10 The connection between the Big Book and the spiritual exercises of Ignatius L.
• 27:40 The story of returning to Jamaica at 8 years sober and the guidance of Rini D. and Clancy.
• 32:15 Laughter: The story of the boss throwing files and the subsequent explosion of rage.
• 36:40 The necessity of a 'lifetime job' of working the steps to handle character defects.