Called Al-Anon the Sisters of Perpetual Revenge 🤣 – Tom N.

Thank you. This is the set-aside prayer. God, please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself, my disease, these steps, and especially you. For an open mind and a new experience with myself, my disease, these steps, and especially you. Tonight we welcome a special speaker, Tom from Staten Island. Thank you. My name is Tom. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Tom. It's good to see some friends here. Chris, Dave, and John. Just prior to the meeting, Chris gave me a set of tapes by Mark, and I looked down on them. It was Mark H.. He's a good friend of mine, a good friend of Allison. And it was noted in 1994, and that happened to be. And I'll use it, you know, because Mark used it so well. That's when the power of God separated me from alcohol. And I had no idea that was happening at the time that it was happening. I was incarcerated, which helped a little. And I was facing some time away. I was 47 years of age. And it was on October the 15th. And prior to that, I had some experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. And actually 20 years of experience. So my first meeting was in 1974. I think our third tradition says the only requirement for a membership is a desire to stop drinking. I had no desire to stop drinking. My wife of three months, she had a desire for me to have the desire to stop drinking. And shortly thereafter, I got to a place that I was about to have our first child. And I was in a place where I just didn't want to live on this planet anymore. And I did some time in an arm, but that didn't have anything to do with my drinking. I was a full-bred alcoholic prior to that. And since the age of 12, actually, I started drinking. And I got to that place that we all know, which is Eason Comfort. And our friend Joe used to share about... I've only had two powers in my life. One was alcohol and one was God. And I believe I sought God. I think we all seek God in our own way. Just to get to that place of Eason Comfort. We get off the path a little bit. And what happened to me, I just... What I mean by that, actually, is that if I'm not going to get Eason Comfort here with God, I'm going to go back and get Eason Comfort without the law. Because that's the only place I know it to be. In that jail cell... Let me backtrack a little bit. Like I said, I was... Ginny, my wife, she dragged me off to that first AA meeting. And there was a guy there by her name. His name escapes me right now. Any case. John. John H. He's got to be sober well over 40 years now. And John was at this meeting. And he saw me walking in with my wife. And the last thing I wanted John to do was to come running up to me like he did. And he says, Ned, that was my nickname back then. And I said, I'm really glad you made it. Like I belong there and everything else. And I didn't want to be... That's the only thing I remembered about that meeting until after the meeting. It was the Old Bay Ridge group in Brooklyn. We walked across the street. And I saw that Ginny was really upset and that she could use a drink probably. So I walked into a little cocktail lounge there. And it was a little restaurant cocktail lounge sort of place. And she had a... A cocktail. And she had a little Manicino cherry in it. And I was obsessing over this Manicino cherry. And she ended up going off to the ladies room. I had the cherry. She gave me the cherry. And then she went to the ladies room. By the time she came back, I had three fingers of Johnny Walker Red in front of me. So... But I... Eventually I came to AA again. You know. I... I had some more suicide thoughts. And I came. And my first sponsor was a guy by the name of Johnny Walsh. God rest his soul. Johnny and his wife Brenda used to show up at open meetings on Friday night. The old Sunset group. And the dog used to yell at me at the meeting. You know. During the Lord's Prayer. It was like he was saying the Lord's Prayer. It was good days. You know. They were... I remember Alcoholics Anonymous then. And it was... Open meetings. It was... Everybody showed up at the open meetings. The wives. You know. The... The drunks. And... We had well over about two, three hundred members in that group. And it was... It was a strong group. Although we didn't practice, you know, like Alcoholics Anonymous the way it's practiced today. And I didn't even realize what I was suffering from in those days. All it was, as we've heard, you know, just don't drink and go to meetings. And... And no matter what happens. Just... Just don't drink. And... And what happened to me... They said 90 meetings in 90 days. And I had no problem with that really. I was going to two meetings every weekday. Three meetings every weekend day. And I did that for 90 days and well beyond that. Probably into a year, year and a half or so. And I look back on that today and I wondered why... You know. Why I was doing that. And... It comes back to what I was saying. Before, you know, I was... I was getting these in comfort from you. You know, from the fellowship. You know. I had to be around you. I had to be around my people. Because I couldn't... You know, I was... You know, they have the... The saying, you know... How's devil? A-A-Angel. And that was me, you know, to the hilt. I was a great actor. Around Alcoholics Anonymous. And... And I'd come home... And... And... And... It was... It was not good. You know, like I knew there was something wrong with me. Yeah, I had a sponsor. And... But I knew something was wrong deep down inside. I just couldn't... I just couldn't... A lot of fear and a lot of pride on my part... Prevented me from actually going to the people. And there were some people that... I really wanted what they had. And... And I just couldn't make that step. You know. And... And I didn't know what I... What I was suffering from. Meaning the three-fold illness of this disease. Time passed and... And it being a progressive illness, I got worse. I wasn't drinking. Mentally, I was, you know, like a stock-raving maniac. Mainly based out of fear. You know. I... I was doing well. I can't say I was doing well. But the things around me were doing well. I was making a lot of money. You know. You know, getting... Get a real alcoholic and separating from alcohol and... Me working 18 hours a day isn't a big deal. You know. I'm just doing it. And... And I climbed up that ladder, you know. And I made a lot of money. And I didn't care who you were. And I'd step all over you. And it just didn't... It didn't matter to me. And... When I say a house devil, you know, like I was the type of guy that... I'd be carrying resentments all day long. And the reason I'm carrying resentments, you know... We talked about our little plans and designs. And what occurred with me was that... I'd get up in the morning. And everything had to go exactly the way... It was supposed to go. You know. And if you didn't conform with the way I thought things should go... We had a major problem. And... And obviously every day was unbearable. You know. And I'd come home by this time. Ginny and I, we had three children. They were little kids. And kids truly live one day at a time. You know. And they'll forget the day before. You know. Sometimes. And they're just happy that, you know, my daddy's home. They're looking forward to... They have that expectation all the time that it's going to be different. You know. It's going to be better. And a guy like me comes in the house. And I've got, you know, like a pile of resentments on me. And I... Maybe my son or one of my daughters coming up to me. And I slam that kitchen cabinet. You know. And right then, everybody knows what's going on. So I just instill a lot of fear in people. And... So thank God today, you know, I get to make living amends. My kids now, they're in their 30s and so forth like that. But I do it for my grandchildren. We've got another one coming on the way on Wednesday. Fifth grandchild. No girls. I can't understand. All boys. All boys. All boys. All girls. All boys. All boys. All boys. Ah, and... So... So you keep on causing this harm. Or at least I was causing all this harm. And what happens is, you know, God gives us something called the conscience. You know? And we can't bear with it after a while. And in 1970... I'm sorry. I was separated from alcohol for nearly ten years at that point, God knows how. And I had my own business. I was in six figures. I was doing well from all outside appearances. And I was on the Upper East Side in my brand new town car and I stepped out of that town car and I walked into a bodega and I grabbed two pours. I didn't even think about that morning about drinking. You know, it talks in our book about, you know, suddenly it happens. That's when the lie is coming. But I also remember it talks about vaguely. And vaguely happened to me when I grabbed that paper bag and the two pours were in it from the clerk there. I was taking it back. And vaguely I knew something. We got a real problem here. A lot of people, actually it didn't turn out for, you know, but for the grace of God it didn't turn out for a problem for me. It was the beginning of the end. You know, sometimes people need to drink to get to that place. I'm not recommending you go out and drink. I'm not recommending you go out and drink. I'm not recommending you go out and drink. But I'm just saying there are times when some people need to. And so that was the beginning of another seven years downhill. Losing things, constantly losing things. And always getting into scrapes because that's just the way I am. You know, I... you know. If you, if you come between me and my wife, we are going to get together and I'm going to take a walk at the end of the town car. But when I got to the end of town car, I was talking to my wife. And I was talking to my wife. You know, I was talking to my wife. I was talking to my wife. She was saying I was going to go to a wedding. She was talking to my wife, and I was going to go to a wedding there. And she was between me and my solution, alcohol, if we're in a bar or something like that, there's a distraction. See, I'm the type of guy, I sit at the end of the bar and the bartender knows me and he knows how to serve me and that's it. And there's a distraction between there that, not all the time, but sometimes, you know, there can be problems. And one of those things is that I was in that jail cell and I was thinking, I got to the place that I was drinking, now my alcohol, I couldn't experience any freedom. If I got any freedom in all, I'm drinking. And the thought occurred to me that I was going to be in jail for the rest of my life. And that it didn't really matter anymore. I remember Don, Don P. shared one time and it resonated so true for me. I was at a place where he got to and it came to me that I don't care, I just don't want to continue to live the way I'm living. Yeah. And if I have to, the mouse will just take me out now. And it was at that place of desperation that I fell to my knees in that jail cell. And I didn't know it, you know, but that was the last time that I, you know, I begged to God that, you know, I didn't want to live the life that I was living. And I didn't know that he'd just take me because I couldn't, you know, jail time didn't seem too bad, you know. At least I'd be keeping, you know, people away from me that I loved and I truly loved them because that's the reason I drank, you know, with all the harm that I was causing. And, but it turned out that I showed up before the judge and my wife happened to be there and I'm not a judge. I'm not a judge. I'm not exactly social or what, what the whole discussion was prior to me showing up in handcuffs in the courtroom was, but he obviously found out that I had some time separated from alcohol. So rather than, it was like I was supposed to be mandated to go away because of the charges that were against me. And the judge heard that I had nearly ten years and the, you know, I was supposed to be in prison. And he put me on one year probation and one year alcoholism treatment. And I remember the drive home that day and that morning I remember going down the steps and my children were in the back of the car and the shame that, you know, was there. And I remember that I was, you know, because I always remember my daughter, my middle one, Jennifer. She, any time that I was taken away in cuffs, you know, she was always crying, you know. And these are the things that I remember. I guess it just engulfed me all at once. And, but it was fear now that was just keeping me sober. And I shot home. What I felt was, what I felt to mention was when I, when I fell to my knees in that jail cell, you know, God, you can't plan this, what happened. My wife was at an Al-Anon meeting. In fact, she was a member of the Al-Anon Fellowship since 1974. I used to call them the Sisters of Perpetual Revenge, you know. . But, she, she was at an Al-Anon meeting. And there was a girl by the name of Patty that was at this Al-Anon meeting. And, Jenny obviously shared the situation that she was in with our children. She was talking about leaving the state and going down to Florida. And after the meeting, Patty was tracking her. And, see Patty just went through the 12 steps out of the big book, Alcoholics in Ireland. On Staten Island. And, she was on fire. And she was relentless. You know. And she was tracking Jenny like, like crazy. And, and Jenny didn't want any part of it. But, Patty wrote out a telephone number. And, put it in Jenny's hand and told her, give this to Tom. And, she gave it to her. And, she, she sent it to her. And, she had a number. And, she was going to give it back to her. And, she had the phone number. And, so I, I jumped ahead a little bit. I'm coming home from jail. And, Jenny's upstairs. Nobody's talking to me obviously. You know. And, she has a meeting to go to. And, Patty's actually picking her up. And, sometimes I don't really give one flying F if you call this guy or not, but I understand he can help you. And I don't know why. One of the hardest things for any alcoholic to do is to really reach out for help. And like I said, a lot of pride and fear stopped me from doing it years before. I do it, but I never actually know what the hell kind of help I'm asking for. I'm just up against it, you know, under any different type of circumstances. But now it was a little different. So Ginny left, and I'm in the home, and I'm looking at this telephone number, and I make the call. And the guy picks up the phone at the other end, and, you know, I'm like, what's going on? His name is Larry. And we started sharing, you know, and it talks about, you know, in the big book, that it's important to make that connection, you know, that I've got what you've got. And we did that. And so I felt, you know, some comfort there. But then he started to talk about Alcoholics Anonymous in a way that I'd never heard, Alkoholics Anonymous. And I said, well, I don't know. I don't know what Alkoholics Anonymous is being shared for. He actually started making promises, you know, like, you never have to drink, everybody. Yeah. This was, you never heard this kind of stuff on 1994 in Staten Island. At least I didn't, you know. And he made a few promises. The other one he made was that the way you're feeling right now, you don't have to ever feel this way ever again. If you don't want to. He said, all you need to do is to follow some simple rules. And if you do that, he said, I promise you're going to experience some happiness, joy, and freedom in your life. And if you do that one day at a time, this was sort of like the clincher for me. He told me, I'll show you some rules and what you need to do. And if you follow them, and if you do it one day at a time, the best days of your life lay ahead of you. Now, I don't know why I believe this guy. There are not many people that I, you know, really touch me. And I'm sure it had to do with, as the book says, you know, circumstances made us willing, you know. And so I was willing. And I, you know, I knew that this guy was going to be a good guy. This guy was just like me. But I couldn't figure out how he wasn't anymore. And that's what I wanted to know. How did you get from where I was to where you are now? You know, that's what I wanted to know. And then he asked me the question. He said, Tommy. Tommy. Are you willing to go to any lengths? And I told him, you know, I've got to be honest with you. I don't know. I just don't know if I'm willing to go to any lengths. And he says, well, look, get some rest. I know you've been through a few tough days. And so I did. And I actually had a business trip to go to down in Richmond, Virginia, after all of this. And I went. I ended up going down and I wouldn't take a flight down there because me and airport bars don't mix very well and you know that fear was still hanging on me really bad. So I drove. I drove down to Richmond and I wouldn't get out of the car. I'd pee in the cup. I literally wouldn't get out of the car because like I said before I was afraid because freedom. If I'm going to experience any freedom, if I step out of that car I'm going to drink. That's where my mind was at. So I ended up getting down to the office and I got down to my hotel room first and it was ridiculous. I'm on the inside door and I'm double locking the door like I'm preventing myself from getting out or something like that. I remember getting up the next morning and just going straight over to the office and buying lunch for the people and only because I wasn't taking you out and nobody's taking me out because I'm not going out there. And then even though I was in the car, I was still in the car. I was in the car. I was in the car. I was in the car. I was in the car. I was in the car. I was in the car. And then the evening came and I took the key to close up the office and I remembered being down there before and hitting some AA meetings and I shot right to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. So by this time I'm separated from alcohol for about four days and I'm really scared. And I go into this meeting and I don't know if it was my Brooklyn accent. You know I'm in Richmond, Virginia. You know. But nobody talked to me after the meeting. You know. And I remember standing outside and having a cigarette and that obsession, you know, I mean that, you know, that desire to drink just pounded on me again. And the thing that showed up was that, because the judge gave me a warning. He says, you show up here again within the next year and you're gone. You know. And so I visualized, you know, my drinking and then after my drinking, you know, the cops are going to come on me again like they usually do from time to time. And, but I actually visualized that this time it was going to be a little different and I was going to go ahead and grab this cop's gun, whoever was the arresting officer. And it wasn't him that was going to go down. It was me. So I was really scared and the next thought came that the only person on this planet that could save me was this guy, Larry. And I got into the car and I sped back to the hotel room. And when I got there, I picked up the phone and I put the phone call in and I left a voicemail. And then after I left the voicemail, I got a call from Larry. And then after I left the voicemail, I, I don't know why, but I remembered back in the day, I don't know if anybody remembers, but there used to be a book called Schools and Bottles way back in the day. And in that it talked about if you have sweets and stuff like that, you know, stuff to crave and, you know, I didn't realize, you know, that I was going through the obsession. I just thought that that was the crave. In other words, I thought that some of the gifts were going through my phone and I just naturally felt like, oh, my God, sometimes I'll just need you to get more. But in any case, I shot across the street and I, I don't know, I must have gotten some, a malta strawberry and malta, got about ten dollars worth of candies and stuff like that, and I'm, I'm eating it and everything like that. I felt a little bit bad. I got back into the hotel room. There was a message, you know. And the message on the other end was my wife, Jenny, and she's still – didn't sound voicemail and she said, Larry called. He wants you to call me right back. So that's what I did. I called her. And she got on the phone and she said, look, you got your big book with you? And I did. I had a big book with me. I don't know why. I just happened to carry those things around every once in a while, some AA things. Maybe a bright light would show up and I'd get struck sober again. But I had my big book with me. So she said, okay, you gave me a prayer. We want you to write down the prayer. So you guys called it the set-aside prayer. I was given it as the lay-aside prayer. That's the way Prince wrote it, the lay-aside prayer. I don't mess around with it. That's the way I share it and that's the way I share it with the people that I take through the steps. Anything that works, I don't want to fix. So anyway, so I wrote down that lay-aside prayer. I said, lay aside everything I think I know about this book, the steps, the meetings, you know, and you got for an open mind and a new experience. And as I was writing this prayer out, it came to me. Now, it's quite shafted too. I had written this on wheels and Iνε scissors before. I didn't know anything but everything that I did to begin with. I'd nasty laughed. I didn't know I would get drunk. I didn't know I wouldn't get drunk anyway. So you got to lay all of that greated that if you ever want to put something to a jury with what I've tried to alig namw anything, then you've gotta find some BirthcąF Price or something like that. Yeah. wrote that down. He says he suggests strongly that you get on your knees and you pray that prayer. It's all right. Second thing was, he says he wants you to take out the book and read the doctor's opinion. I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous 20 years. I had no idea there was a doctor's opinion in the big book about Alcoholics Anonymous. No idea. Sharp guy. So she gave the exercise. She said, Tom, he wants you to highlight everything that you can identify with, everything that you think you should know, and everything that's really important. I said, all right. Then there was some hesitation and it sounded like she was about to hang up. I said, what was the third thing? I was focused a little bit. I was desperate. Oh, yeah, the third thing is if you don't do the first two things, he wants you over at his house on Saturday afternoon at 1 o'clock. But if you don't do those first two things, he never even wants to see you again. Don't even call him. I said, well, I don't know. I'll do it. I said, well, I'm out of business. I'm out of business. I said, well, I'm out of business. I said, well, I'm out of business. I said, all right. So I hung up the phone with Jenny and I got on my knees with that prayer and I prayed that prayer and I went over. I was supposed to be doing three things. Highlight everything that you can identify with, everything you think you should know and everything that's really important. But the problem with me and the frame of mind that I was in at the time, my mind was, you know, my mind was very limited. I thought I was going to do it. You know, I was getting Mark said it was a chatter of a thousand monkeys going on. You know what I mean? I couldn't focus, you know, that well. So what I did, you know, just out of my own, and I still pass it on to people today, that I find her in the same condition that I was back then, you know, is I read the doctor's opinion once, and I highlighted everything that I could identify with. Went back again, you know, underlined everything that I thought I should know. Went back again, and then double underlined everything that I thought was really important. And what was happening was those words were just bouncing off the pages and resonating in my soul, you know. And I was having an experience, you know. And I knew something was going on. So I finished that exercise, and I was getting late, and I... got on my knees again, and I prayed that prayer again. I figured, let me make sure I'm doing this right here. I remember going in, taking a quick shower, coming out, laying down, and it came to me that everything's going to be okay. And what happened was, is that I slept to sleep, that I didn't sleep in a long, long time, you know. So, and that was the last time. That was October the 19th. It was Mark's sobriety date, actually. And that was the last time I had the obsession to drink alcohol. So I showed up. I showed up at the door. What time do I have to? Okay. Okay. So I showed up at the door to meet this guy, Larry. And I got to tell you, I hope I don't want to offend anybody, but I didn't like anybody. Okay. I didn't like Jewish people. I didn't like black people. I didn't... If I knew you for about a half hour, I'd find something that I didn't like about you, and I'd have a resentment. That's just the way I was. So I walk in, and I knew this guy was Jewish right off the bat. You know. And he was a strange-looking Jew at that, you know, because he had tattoos on the entire upper torso of his body, you know what I mean? And I knew that's a no-no in the Jewish religion. And, um... But I didn't care. No. Uh-huh. We began this journey. And, uh... The first step, I really found out about, uh... What I was suffering from. Progressive illness of this disease. Uh... I'm just going to highlight some of the, uh... What happened to me, and, like, I gave you a pretty... A pretty thought, I guess, of my first step experience so far. But, uh... The thing that clinched it for me... In the first step was on page 52. And Larry was, uh... Asking me those questions. You know? Are you having problems with personal relationships? You know? You know? Problems with emotional behavior. Full of fear. You know, right down the line. Right down the line. And it came to me, well, that's... That's the way I live, one day at a time. You know? That's my life. You know? And, uh... And I got to the place that, uh... That clinched it for me. That clinched it for me. That clinched it for me. That clinched it for me. That clinched it for me. As far as... As far as the first step experience. And, uh... And, uh... Mine was like a number of other people's experiences. That, uh... I really had a problem with God. Because even... Even during the time that I was in Alcoholics Anonymous, I... I tried. I really tried. You know? Going on retreats and finding God. You know? But, uh... I had it all backwards. You know? I thought, you know, the third step, I made a decision. I thought I had to be... I think he cleaned up. Because I... Before I got to God, you know? I didn't realize it was the other way around. I just didn't... See, that's why... That's why it's good to go ahead and get yourself somebody that can share this book with you. You know? And to show you. Because I got... You got a sick mind if you're here. And, uh... And you haven't any experience. And you're going through what I was going through before. You want to be shown. You know? It's important to be shown. You know? And, uh... So I had it all backwards. And... So my second step experience was that there better be a God. You know? Although I had that doubt. You know? That real honest doubt. And prejudice. You know? That there wasn't. You know? And, uh... Even though I knew something was happening. You know? I knew something was different. And... The third step, I remember us, uh... Getting on our knees. And, uh... Making that decision. And the... I was in a group of people. That were there. But unbeknownst to me, the people that I was in the group with, they were, uh... Uh... Most of them weren't going through the experience that I was going through. Most of them... Have already gone through the steps. And they were coming through the steps again for a deeper experience. You know? And, uh... But I didn't know it at the time. But I do recall my, uh... Getting on my knees and holding Larry's hands, which was strange. You know? And, uh... And praying that third step prayer. And then getting up off my knees and Larry whispering in my ear. And he said, Tom, you're light. None of your business anymore. I had no idea what the hell this man was. So... You know, I... He gave me all of this stuff. And, uh... And then, boom. We go right into inventory. I was so excited. You know, I thought this... 20 years in Alcoholics Anonymous and I didn't do an inventory. You know, so I was really... Sort of excited about this. Especially when he was talking about that first column. You know? You know, uh... Write out everybody that you were ever angry at. You know? Ever angry at. Didn't matter if you're not angry at them. Whatever angry at it. I said, not a problem. You know? Then he gave the second column. No problem. I'm writing like crazy. You know? I had well over a hundred and some odd names on that list. You know? Institutions. You know? He told me. I was telling John last week. He said about principles. You know? I said... There was... I was having problems with principles. He said, don't worry about it. You probably don't have any anyway. You know? So... I said, all right. So... Then we got into that third column. You know? And the seven areas of life. And... And how it affected me. And for me in life. A number of people I... That I... That I've had experience working with. It seems like... There are five areas of your life that are always affected by... You know? Whether it be the self-esteem. The pride. The security. And... And... And what I saw out of that was... You know? And I heard it in Alcoholics Anonymous for years. And you still hear it out in the world. You know? What I was doing was... Doing the same thing over and over and over again. And expecting different results. Always. That was my whole life. And... And we got into that fourth column. You know? And... And this is before... I guess Dan... Is it Joe Hawks? Dan Schramm. You know? Came out... Dan came out with that blue book and everything like that. And I talked about... Now I'm going to look at my fault. You know? I hear people today... You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? I'm not going to mention any names. But I hear people sharing today. When they're going into the fourth step. And... And you're going in. And people are talking about... Your part. Not the way to look at it. Based on my experience. Okay? Your part comes in... In step nine. In step nine. You know? Cleaned off your side of the street. You get out... You're kicked out of the office. Fine. That's... You did your part. Okay? But I hear people talking about it going into the fourth step. My experience is... Is because it's completely contradictory. If I'm going in looking at my part... When I'm looking for my own faults... Then what's happening... It's... It's a complete contradiction. You know? In step three. When it talks about... We think... Our troubles... Are of our own making. So nobody else out there... Has a part. At... At least for that exercise. Because I... I found out that... It's my makeup. And the way I perceive things in the world. And that's got to change. For me to get well... That's got to change. And... So I ended up... With that fourth column... I... I was having a real problem. We were given two weeks to complete that fourth column. And... I remember Thursday in the second week... We were meeting on Saturdays. And we went to my home group. It was a common solution group. And that was meeting with my wife. And that was meeting with my wife. And that was meeting with my wife. And that was meeting with my wife. It was meeting on Thursday night. And I didn't even put the pen to the paper. Because I had everything up here. You know, and I had everything here. But I couldn't get it on paper. I couldn't look at that. And... And... What happened was... Larry's wife... Or fiancee at the time... Joanne happened to be at that meeting. And she knew that it was... And she knew that it was... And she knew that it was... And I wasn't right. I got there early. You know, set up the chairs. Along with Joanne and a few other people. And she pulled me over at the side. And she said, Tom, what's wrong? And, you know, she sat me down. And I told my predicament, you know, as far as, you know... Doing the writing on the fourth column. And she... I don't know what it was. You know, I think it was more how she said it than what she said. But she did tell me, she said, Tom, we're all sick. And... I don't know what that did, but... It somewhat excited me. That night I ended up going... Going home and after the meeting I put the pen to the paper and... Friday happened to be the day before New Year's. And... And it was a lot of skeleton steps on... On... On... On... On... On... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... And... I found myself weeping. And the tears were just going over the gorgeous paperwork that I had. And I was just beaten. And I couldn't believe the truth that I saw. It talks about seeing big chunks of truth about yourself. And I saw them pretty hard. And it was like a two-edged sword. You know what I mean? I got some freedom out of that. But at the same time, I saw the harm that I did so many people and that I had to make that right. I knew in my heart. But I was excited, and I called Larry's house. I wanted to talk to Joanne, and they were excited. And I ended up getting back. And we were doing the fifth step. And it was a little difficult for Larry to do fifth steps. And I asked him out of being polite. Of course, you have to understand, Larry G. was sort of like a trailblazer on Staten Island. So he was working with four or five people, a group, five, six groups a week. Like every night. So you can imagine, he's not going to be listening. He doesn't have any fifth steps. And there'd be a few. So there was a guy in the group. His name was Dave. And I looked at this guy, and I knew him. I liked Dave. And the reason I liked him, he was just like me. He drank just like me. So we had a smoke break. We went upstairs, and I mentioned to Larry, I'm going to ask Dave if this is a good idea. So I ended up. Asking Dave. And Dave said, not a problem. He'd be honored. Go back downstairs. And then there was a guy by the name of Steve W. in our group. And he starts talking to Dave. And he's talking about this trip that they went to out in Joe and Charlie's group. And Dave went with his boyfriend. Now, Dave was gay. Everybody on Staten Island knew that Dave was gay except me. See, I was severely homophobic as well. You know what I mean? I can't believe, you know, God put the blinders on me. And that was a profound pitch there. It was really profound. Of course, a lot of things you talk about, you know, take it to the grave stuff. Everything was just taken out, and I was clean. But Dave was a predator. Anything that, you know. It talks about fifth steps and multiple fifth steps, you know. Person to person. It's important. Because you get different perceptions from other people. But Dave, at this time, he picked out things that I couldn't see. So I was given a whole bunch of an eight-step list. Went back to that sixth, seventh step. I won't get into that much. But we'll. What happened was. I was in. Went out, started making amends. And. You never know what's on the other side of an amends. Trust me. You never know. I'll give you an example. There was a woman in my office, and she was like the secretary. And everybody in my office knew that I was a drunk. And. Except my boss. We came from the same area in Brooklyn. And when he was a kid, he got a busted nose. And did something to his sinus and his breathing. He couldn't smell. It was coming out of my pores every morning. This guy couldn't smell. And. But anyway, I made amends to this woman. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. I think I had been in jail for five years. And. You would have just got killed. speaking of which, I'm happy. If you can understand what you're trying to do. But if you're in the ocean. Except when you're making up a terrible bad story. and that went on for a good couple of hours. And she wanted names. I couldn't give her names. But she did tell me at the end of this amends, she said, Tom, what's going on with you? And for this past three months, compared to the last 20 years, it's like heaven. So that stuck with me. And then with my children, of course, which was a little awkward. They were still kids. But I did the best I could at the time, but I found out today that it's living amends. And the best way that I can experience living amends is to really staying true to steps 10, 11, and 12. In step 12, what happened with me, a whole bunch of people started showing up. People that knew me when. And people that I knew. And that knew me. And they were asking me for help. And I went back to Larry and said, I'm scared shitless. I don't know how to do this. And Larry suggested I get the, go to Glenn K. And when I called Glenn K, the guy that did tapes and still does tapes, he says, call Glenn K and ask for Larry G's starter's book, starter's kit. And it happened to be Joe Hawk's Salvation Army tapes. And Larry, every week, he would hand out one tape and we'd be circulating that. And I got to experience guys like Pritz and Mark and a whole bunch of other people. I can go on and on. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but it would be a great experience. And that's what, that's what happened. So my first group was in a church basement and I asked the priest and the priest asked if he wanted to, if he could join the group. And he did. Actually, I was saying to myself, this guy's not a real alcoholic and it came true that he wasn't. He was just, he was an Al-Anon and his entire family was in AA, alcoholics, and he wanted to be just like them. So here's the, Here's a man that's heading up an entire parish, and he's in delusion about himself. So, you know, check things out. He was a good guy. But I had to kick him out of the group. And he said, okay, stay. So I took the rest of the guys through the steps. And that's basically what I've been doing every day. But what happened to me, I went after this thing called Alcoholics Anonymous, the way it was exposed to me back in 94 for the first time. And I was just on fire. And I grabbed Jenny and I hopped on planes and went out to Colorado. I had to meet these people that I was hearing on the tapes. I was going all around. I was driving down to Virginia. I was going everywhere. I was going everywhere. And if you do that, and if you stay in the solution, if you have the ability to do that and stay around the people, it's just like Larry shared with me. The best days of your life are ahead of you. And today, it's not all pants. It's all free. It's not all pants. It's all free. It's all free. And I got to walk both my daughters down the aisle. As I shared before, I have one daughter. She has an autistic child, but he's doing great. He's coming along fine. I've got another daughter. We moved into a two-family home, and we only had three people in the home at the time. It was my daughter that had the apartment upstairs. My oldest and we had, and I had a beautiful, fully finished basement. It was like a man cave down there. You know, I had my big screen TV. And then my middle one separated from her husband because I guess he was having problems with my grandson with the autism. And she went downstairs. And then my son had diabetes ever since he was a child. And that developed into diabetes retinopathy. And he ended up going blind. And so he ended up going out to Colorado to become independent. And Colorado Center for the Blind. So he was living out there for a few years. And then he decided to come back. And I guess he was going broke. And so he came back and got a black lab, you know. So we got the black lab service through. And my daughter got married upstairs, you know. And then she had a little baby. And then she had twins, you know. And now she's got another one coming on Wednesday, you know. And so we had a lot of people in this two family house, you know. And my life was full. I've been blessed to be around in a number of places sharing this message. And. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And I hope I shared one with you tonight. Sorry if I took so long. Thank you.