Bret M. – Steps 6-7 Defects – Walking Backwards Down The Steps – 2013

About This Speaker Tape

Brett maps out a trajectory of escalating desperation, from a childhood suicide attempt at 14 to a cycle of 'consistently inconsistent' behavior. He describes a descent into cocaine addiction and the wreckage of his early twenties—including a near-fatal shotgun suicide attempt and a friend's ICU stay after a drug-fueled drive. Brett details the 'bullshit' of his early recovery, where he huffed duster in a halfway house while chairing meetings and copying Bill W.'s words to fake sobriety.

He eventually finds a footing through a 'competent sponsor' and the Big Book, though he admits to sliding backward down the steps when he got comfortable. He closes with the raw reality of loss, recounting the pain of wearing a suit to his 19-year-old cousin's heroin overdose funeral, framing sobriety as a literal matter of life and death.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Luke introduces Brett, mentioning Brett was kicked out of a treatment center for 'duster'.
• 4:15 Brett describes his childhood struggle with self-hate and a suicide attempt at age 14.
• 6:30 Story about the first drink of Wild Turkey and the desire to fit in with the 'cool crowd'.
• 11:45 Brett discusses his transition from alcohol to cocaine and the 'relief' he sought.
• 15:20 The bottom: a shotgun suicide attempt and the decision to enter treatment in Georgia.
• 19:10 Laughter: Brett admits to huffing duster and faking sobriety while chairing meetings.
• 23:40 Brett discusses the importance of a 'competent sponsor' and reading the Big Book.
• 28:10 Brett describes sliding 'down the steps' backward from 12 toward 1.
• 32:45 Step 4: Brett recounts his sponsor calling him the 'most selfish and self-centered A**hole' he'd ever heard.
• 37:10 Brett admits his current struggle with completing his amends (Step 9).
• 40:20 The tragedy of his 19-year-old cousin's heroin overdose and the reality of the disease.
• 43:10 Closing thoughts on 'faith without works' and the necessity of the 12 Steps.