Borrowing Faith From the Goofballs – John S.

About This Speaker Tape

1982. A dying man in a back bedroom in Palm Springs, drifting in and out of consciousness, pulls a prank on his sponsee before handing him off to a new sponsor. John S. entered the rooms with a "secret weapon"—a mind that loved believing things that weren't true. He recalls the early days of drinking six-packs at 8:30 AM and the arrogance of thinking he was just insane, hoping for a stint in the "nut house" where pills could fix him. He describes a world of "goofballs" and "dummies," from the grandmotherly Millie to "Rotten Ralph," an attorney who would hammer a newcomer and then offer to buy their first drink just to see if they'd break.

Even with years of sobriety, John describes the "peculiar mental twist" that led him to three million dollars in debt and a suicidal drive through the country. He speaks of borrowing faith from those who had it, learning to pray on his knees so he wouldn't try to "con" his Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Dick M. introduces the history of the Fox Hall Men's Big Book Study Group.
• 4:15 John S. begins his share, discussing his sobriety date of December 19, 1982.
• 10:20 John S. describes his 'secret weapon' and his initial skepticism about the AA 'gimmick'.
• 16:45 Laughter: John S. talks about peeing in flower pots at the Northern Hotel.
• 22:10 Discussion of Step 1 and the 'physical allergy' vs. the 'mental twist'.
• 31:00 John S. recounts the 'spoiled brat' phase and his attempt to quit AA after a confrontation with Nick.
• 38:40 The 'dying pen': John S. describes his financial collapse and suicidal thoughts four years into sobriety.
• 45:15 John S. discusses the failure of his first 'matchbook cover' Fourth Step and the need for a real inventory.
• 51:30 The emotional weight of making amends to his grandmother.
• 58:00 John S. reflects on the danger of becoming a 'spiritual giant' and the value of being kept humble by the group.