Borrowing a Sponsor’s Higher Power Until She Found Her Own – Betty P.

Good evening everyone. My name is Betty Pyatt and I am an alcoholic. And it is only through the grace of God, a God that I found in this program, and people just like you who loved me enough and encouraged me to get involved in my own recovery. That's the only reason I'm here tonight, filled with a love, with a peace, and with joy. And for that, I say thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous. My sobriety date is April 23, 1985. Before I get started, I would like to say thank-you so much to each and every member of the committee that put this wonderful conference together. I'm not real good with names, and I've met so many new and wonderful people. And so I just say to each and every one of you, I know how hard it is to put together something like this and to do it from out of town. To me, it would seem what an order. I couldn't go through it. But it's been a wonderful experience for me, and I thank each and everyone of you. The phone calls, the love, the concern, the hosting. To all of you on the committee, thank you so much. You know, every time I try, I owe this program. And I've tried the best of my ability to pay back. And you know, it's so hard because I just keep getting and getting and getting. And so again, I say thank you. I want to thank all the wonderful people that hosted us and took us to dinners and to lunches with all of their friends. And to each and every one of you who has hugged me through this whole weekend and is here tonight just sharing your love with me. Thank you. You know, when I go home and I'm going to want to come back to a really special place, I'm gonna close my eyes and I am going to be able to see that mountain covered with chocolate chip cookies and melt in your mouth. I have never seen so many chocolate chip cookie in my life. Boy, thank you. i um i spoke with my sponsor yesterday and she reminded me that when i'm asked to share i have nothing to share with you but my experience strength and hope and anything else i try to say is going to be a lie so with all the earnestness of my command i will try to share with you as honestly as i can what it was like what happened and what it's like today And for that, I'm going to take you all the way back. I was born December the 13th, 1930, and I'll let you do the math, to an unwed mother who was a student nurse. And back in 1930, I was given away immediately for adoption. I stayed in the little girl's orphanage for a couple of years and was blessed to be taken up and adopted by a family who lived in Las Vegas and had a daughter who was four years older than I was. And so I stayed in Las Vegas until I was, oh, around four years old. Now that was in the early 30s, and times were hard. And so my dad moved us all back to Santa Fe where he could get a job with the state. And I was immediately enrolled in Loretto Academy School for Girls. Now, I want you to know that right from the get-go, I did not fit the plan of a good little Catholic girl that sits with her skirt pulled down and her hands folded. Because I want to know why. And because when you tell me why, I've got a better reason. And don't tell me thou shalt not. because I can figure out a way that it will be okay for both of us. So, that was my experience in Catholic school. I have to tell you that my mom and dad never told me that I was adopted. But you know how kids are, and they have big ears, and people would visit with my mom, and they'd say, oh, is that her? And, oh isn't she cute? And I knew there was something different going on. And when I was 11 years old, my mom had a little boy. And of course he was the apple of my dad's eye. So now I'm the middle kid. I've got an older sister and then there's me and then there's my little brother. And people would say to my mom, you're so lucky. You have a daughter that looks just like you and a son that looks juste like his dad. And I'd say, well, mom, who do I look like? And she'd say oh Betty Marie, you just look like Betty Marie. well you know um there was there was unrest within me and i know one time we were out on the playground playing a silly little game called colors where there was a stepmother and the big bad wolf and colors and there was no running the stepmother couldn't do any running and so nobody wanted to be the step mother and some one of the little girls said let betty marie be the steppmother she has a step mother she'll know how to act well my heart sunk my secret was out. They knew. And I immediately went in, not just anger, but a tremendous rage. And that was pretty frightening because we were all pretty young kids. But I knew then that my secret was out, that everybody knew, and I was different. Well, we continued on. I went to school. When I was in junior high school, the war was on, World War II, and there was a tremendous shortage of nurses. And so I got a job as a nurse's aide at the local hospital. And at that time, they had the Cadet Nurse Corps. And right away, I idolized those women. And what it was, you would graduate from high school and sign up for the Cadets Nurse Corps, they would put you through nursing school, and then you would serve a certain number of years with the military. And that was my life. It was planned. That's what I was going to do. But in 1948, when I graduated from high school, the war was over and the Cadet Nurse Corps was abolished, and so so much for that plan. Well, I decided I'll show them. I'll just get a job, save some money, and put my own self through school. Now, in Santa Fe, New Mexico at that time, there wasn't a big demand for young ladies just out of high school with really no skills. And so I had an opportunity either to go to work for state government or the telephone company. And I didn't have any political mentor to get me into state government, so I went to work für die Telefonkompagnie. And that was in the days when there was lights on the board and cords and the operator said, number please. And it was a good experience for me. It taught me responsibility. I had my own spending money. I didn't learn much about how to handle that, but that's another program and another story. We all had to join the union. Now, you know, I'm 17, 18 years old. I'm going to do what everybody else does. So we joined the union, and once a month we had a meeting, and we would go to different people's houses, and we Would deal with our business, And then we would all pitch in money in the kitty, and they would order either a case of beer or a bottle of booze. In those days, they would deliver it to your house. And I don't remember getting drunk at those meetings, but I do remember that I stayed until I drank my share. And if anybody had to leave early, I was available to help finish it up. We used to get paid once a week, And one time all us gals got together and decided we would go to a little town, Española, New Mexico, which is about 26 miles north of Santa Fe, and go dancing because they wouldn't card us there. And so we all drive up there, and so we sit around this table, and everybody orders drinks. And one gal said, I think I'll have a zombie. Well, I didn't know what that was. It sounded like a plan to me. So I didn' t have one zombie. I had two. And what happened was, I got drunk, I blacked out, and I got very, very sick. And I can remember those gals driving round and round in town until I got sober enough to be able to crawl up the stairs home. And when I got up the next morning feeling really bad, you know what my first thought was? Gosh, that was fun. I wonder when we're going to do it again. Well, you know, I continued working. My sister was dating a young man. They were getting kind of serious and he came over to visit my mom one time and he brought her this bottle of sherry herring. And so my dad opened the bottle and everybody got a little glass, you Know, and they all drank it and sipped it and everything. And mom put the bottle away. And she said, you know, it wasn't very good. Well, you know, nobody asked me. But the same group of gals, we would get together and once a week we'd go roller skating. So I lived on the north end of town and the only girl that had a car would come by and pick me up first. And I would invite her into the kitchen and we'd pour out a little glass of this sherry herring and then we'd goes skating away. Well, one Saturday morning we're cleaning house and mom looks at the bottle, and it's empty. And she said, well, what do you suppose happened to this? And I said, oh, mom, it was all sugar. It evaporated. So, you know, I was already beginning my journey. My sister got married, and my brother-in-law had his younger brother be the best man. So we were invited to a lot of parties, and he and I got along pretty good. And after my sister was married, he and I were dating. And my sister was married in June. And the following February, I was pregnant and married. We do that a lot in my family. And so the one thing my husband said to me was, no wife of mine is going to work. So I was a stay-at-home mom. And God blessed us with five children. One of the traditions we had in my house. I didn't drink when I was pregnant, not because I didnít try, but I just physically couldnít. And when I had my first child, the doctor said to me, ìAre you planning to nurse the baby?î And I said, ëYes.í And he said, ÖWell, I suggest that you drink a little beer. That helps the process.î And so it was a tradition. Every time there was a new baby in the family, Daddy would go pick up Mom from the hospital and the new baby, stop at the liquor store for a case of beer. I mean, you know, I was raising my family. I can also tell you that my husband wasn't Catholic but I still was and so we were raising our kids in the church and that means, you now, there's godparents because you've got baptism, confirmation and then first communion and graduations and on and on and so the one thing that i can tell you as i look back over now that i'm sober is if you didn't drink you really weren't invited to be part of this godfatherhood you know and we would have these big parties and uh we lived i'm sure some of you have heard in santa fe they have the burning of old man gloom at the annual fiesta and we lived only a couple of blocks away from the big park where that all took place, and people would come to our house and park their car, and we would have a party. So for about a week before the party, our friends would start bringing in the supplies, you know. There was always cases of beer and booze, and we'd order a keg. You know, after I got sober, one of my kids said to me, you know, Mom, do you remember those fiesta parties? It was a bigger celebration than Christmas was. Wow. And so it went. My husband was self-employed, and every Friday he had to put out a report. And in those days, he had a mimeograph machine, a hand-cranked mimegraph machine, and then he'd fold up these papers, and we'd lick the envelopes and put the stamps on it. So Friday at noon, he would quit work, come home, and run off his report, and we buy a case of beer because we had to lick the envelope. And so the weekend would start Friday afternoon and Saturday and Sunday, you know. And as the years progressed, sometimes the weekend would start on Thursday to get ready for Friday. And sometimes by Sunday it was better to have a little bit more on Monday. My husband and I were drinking buddies. So the kids grew up, and we found ourselves with three children in college. And although they were all working and had scholarships, finances were a little tight. And so my husband said, yes, you can go back to work. So I went back to the telephone company to work, and I was working late hours. And after a couple of years, I bridged my previous service, and so I had some pretty choice hours. I could go to work at, say, 5 in the evening and work until 11 or 6 until midnight. And that worked really nice because I could be home during the day and then work in the afternoon. The only thing is, like on the weekends, it was hard to drink all day and then shower and sober up and go to word. And one Saturday night, I guess I went to work a little boisterous. And the chief operator called me off the board and she said, Betty, I'm only going to ask you this once. And I knew what was coming. But you see, I had been to parties and I had had drinks with this lady and I knew she was worse than me. I mean, I saw her some mornings shaking, you know. She said, did you come to work drunk? And I said, no. And she said, all right. Well, you know what that meant? It meant I had to eat more mints and not be so noisy. So life continued on, and technology improved. The cord boards went away. The dial tone came in. You know, there was a lot of progress in technology, and pretty soon different offices began to shut down, and offices began To consolidate. and by then I had worked myself up through as supervisor and then I was an evening chief operator and the only choice I have left at that point they were going to close the office was either to commute to Albuquerque or try to get into the business sales department and so you know how we are you give me a challenge and you giveme a test and I'm going to be ready and I am going to do it and I did and I tested out and I was accepted as part of the sales team now they were very kind they sent me to Phoenix for a month to be trained on the type of equipment I was going to be selling. And the training center was, they had a motel that was within walking distance of the training center and every day we would go and we would get three tickets. One ticket was for breakfast and two tickets were for cocktails. Well you know it didn't take me long to figure out who didn't drink and I had a lot of tickets. And so I would go to class all day, and in the evening I would study in the bar and eat popcorn. I mean, that worked really well. You know, it was a job I really enjoyed. Jokingly, they used to say to me, you are the EEOC. I was Hispanic, I was over 55, and I was female. And so, you know, I Was out selling telephone equipment and really enjoying it. As a matter of fact, I was doing a little bit better than most of the men in the office and I think it kind of bothered them. And so we would have these meetings and they would set this benchmark. And then, you know, I'm competitive. You tell me I've got to do this, I're going to do that. And so I continued on and worked and worked. And while all that was going on, my husband was still self-employed. He developed heart trouble. and at one point had to have bypass surgery. And so we took him to Albuquerque, and he had that done and had a quadruple bypass. And after about nine days in the hospital, I brought him home. Some of the things that I've done in my drinking days I'm not really proud of, but I want to share this with you because I want you to know where my life was headed. I went to Aluquerque and picked him up, and most of you that are familiar with open heart surgery know that you have to crack the ribs and make an incision and it's pretty ugly and it was just healing and he was sitting in the back seat of the car with his shirt open still healing from this wound and I had a nice chest of beer and I popped one open and I said, you haven't had a drink for a whole week. You're a good boy and so we started drinking on the way home. Now when we got home he really tried to develop a better, healthier lifestyle. He was walking every day and he said our drinking was just going to be Saturdays and Sunday afternoon after the football game was over we wouldn't drink anymore. And I thought, who made that rule? So that was when I learned that I could pour bourbon on cake and Kahlua in coffee and I had my ways. We only had one child left at home. All the rest are away at college or working, and I can remember coming home from work and my husband saying to my youngest son, if you want dinner, you better get it before your mother gets drunk. Well, well, I knew why it was because I would come home and we had this little cabinet and it made a noise when you pulled it open and I'd pour out some scotch and then I'd go up to the refrigerator and get some ice that makes noise. and, you know. So I solved that problem. Every morning before I went to work, I opened up the liquor cabinet, and I learned to drink drinks without ice. You know, there is a solution. Well, so we're continuing on. Technology is getting better, you know, and then comes the big split in the bail system and, you know, all of that. And they started offering early retirement to people. And all of my friends and my family got wind of this. Well, Betty, you'll get to retire early and you can go and stay home and take care of your husband. Well I had a job that I really liked and I had an account, you know a business account. I had these power lunches. And you One of the accounts was the college, and I tell you, the brothers make the best wine. But I didn't want to. One of things was they told me I could retire early, and then when I was 65, I would get a little pension. And in my heart, I knew, I'm not going to live to be 65. I want to just stay here and do this and keep on doing this. But there was a lot of pressure, and my family and my friends were all expecting me to do it. And so, reluctantly, I took the early retirement package. And I'll tell you right now, that was God working in my life. I never went to work drunk, but I did drive the company car with bad hangovers. And, you know, I was working toward a situation where I could have made a bad mistake with one of these poor customers or hurt somebody in a company vehicle and it would have been tragic. And so God took care of the Bell Company, and I retired. So my husband and I, I had a son that was teaching in Topeka, Kansas, and we decided we'd take a little vacation, and we'd Take a Couple of the Grandkids and Fly There. And we did do that. And we flew to Topeka. And that night we all, oh, we had done a little sightseeing. We were sitting down having a drink or what else. and trying to plan what we were going to do the next day. And my husband suffered a heart attack. And we left on vacation that weekend, and we came home eight days later, and I buried him. And, you know, I said to my children, I'm fine. And I said, God, I know you are going to get even with me sometime, but did you have to do this? Now, never mind that my children had lost their father, that his brothers and sisters had lost a brother they really cared for, that my mom had lost her son-in-law that she really loved. I had lost my drinking partner, and I was fine. And every night, I would close the curtains and sail away with Cuddy. By then, scotch was my drink of choice. Somebody told me that if you drink scotch, you don't get a hangover. Don't believe them? Also, I was developing some sort of gastric problems, and the only way I could drink was to mix it in milk. Now, when I sit in meetings and we read that story about the man and the milk punch and everybody says, they don't know what they were missing. So, like I said, there I found myself now. I'm home alone. I had quit my job, and I decided, I think I'll go back to college. I'm going to go to college, and i'm going to get a new career. And computers were the big thing then, you know, so I'm gonna become a computer programmer. My sponsor tells me it was a little grandiose, but, you know, so I'm enrolled in computer programming and computer science and algebra. Now, if any of you know me very well, you know that to balance my checkbook, I break out in hives. And I'm taking all these classes and then I'm thinking swimming because I'm going to be a well-rounded person. Now, I want you to know that I go swimming at 11 o'clock in the morning. That's when the class was and the community pool was just down the street from where I lived. And sometimes I'd come home, you know, and I would just have to pour me a glass of wine because, you know I'd swallowed a lot of that chlorine water and it burped awful so you know and my glass of wine in those days was tea glass size one glass of wine I was also taking care of my grandchildren um my daughter was working I and I had two grandchildren that were in school close by my house and so at three o'clock I would go down and pick them up and one afternoon when it was time for me to go and pick them up. I left my house, I went out the front door, I tripped and I fell in my own front yard and I passed out. And when I came to, my daughter was looking in my eyes and she said, Mom, you've got a problem and I can't help you. And that's when I uttered the alcoholic prayer. You're right, I need help. Well, I want you to know I have five children. They all lived in different parts of the country. Within two hours, everybody had been contacted, a consensus had been reached, and I was sitting in the back seat of my son-in-law's car on my way to Albuquerque to treatment. So I get to the treatment center, and, you know, feeling a little, you know, overwhelmed at what I had allowed them to do, realizing I was going to be there for 30 days. And my idea of going to treatment was they're going to teach me how to drink. You know, if I don't drink for 30 days, I'm going to be all right. So they leave me there. The next morning, I hear this twiddly-diddly, twiddily-diddy, twiddely-didy. I thought, isn't that nice in this treatment center? This is how they wake you up in the morning. Well, all of a sudden, there's a bang on the door and this man says, the place is on fire. Get out of here. so I grabbed my rope and I took off down the hall and then I was to meet out there in the yard the people that I was going to spend the next 30 days with and I said to myself I'm not that bad and then the next thought that I had was oh my gosh this is a treatment facility, a hospital it's on fire, the TV cameras are going to be here and everybody's going to know I'm in treatment well it ended up that it was the adolescent board had been playing tricks and they set off a false alarm so I went back I was sitting on the edge of my bed in the detox unit and all the rest of the candidates the clients were walking down to get their vitamins and a woman stopped by the door she said you're new aren't you and I said yes and she said can I get you anything And I said, man, a cold beer would really hit the spot. And she said, honey, if you're looking for a cold beer, you've come to the wrong place. Well, she and I became good friends. And what I'd like to share with you is that there were 38 of us in that class. Two of us have continuous sobriety today. Quite a few of them found it necessary to go back out and do a little bit more research and the rest of them, I don't know where they are. This is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. So I'm in this treatment center and God is watching out for me. I go to these group sessions in the morning and I become the generic mom. There was young men there that had issues with their mother and I had some issues with my sons And it was like, you know, I would tell them and they would tell me and I would cry and it would be noon and they'd give me a sack lunch and put me on a bus and take me to an AA meeting. And I'd go down the basement and the highlight of that AA meeting was they had real coffee and they had hard candy. You know, we weren't getting any sugar or caffeine. Then we'd come back in the afternoon and we'd do some more of this. This time we'd doing woman to woman. And then at nighttime they'd bring in another AA meeting I can remember Sunday evenings there was a young couple that used to come in and the young man always wore a coat and a tie and she was dressed so nice and I thought here they are these young people they must not have a life if all they can do on Sunday is hey, hey, you know and another thought that I had was in this basement place where we went to our meetings it was way down the stairs in one little room and there was just some little 8 by 10 you know, frames on the wall and all they said was easy does it one day at a time. I thought to myself, now that I'm in recovery and I'm doing so well, when I go home, I'm going to buy a big painting and I am going to send it to these poor people so they can brighten up this room. Well, I had this counselor. This counselor was a hard-nosed member of Alcoholics Anonymous and he didn't cut me any slack. And on our graduation day, we all came together and the different counselors called up their group and presented them with this chip and I thought, he's going to call me up and he's gonna say, Betty, you've been the best client and you're just, you know. I got up there, he looked me square in the eye and he said to me, you go home and you surrender to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and you make it your way of life or I'll see you back here and I don't give you two weeks. And I thought, you'll never see me again. But you know what? I went back home and I did exactly what he told me. Before I put a key in the door, I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous to identify myself as a beginner. Now I stopped at the doorway of the Friendship Club and I thought oh my gosh, All of Santa Fe is going to see me going in there. And then my second thought was, everybody in Santa Fe has seen me drunk. They're going to be so relieved. And so I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous at home and I identified myself as a new crew. And you know what happens when you do that. I got hugs. I got names. I got telephone numbers and all kinds of encouragement. And I knew I was home. And so started my journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I would go to meetings and I would hear people say, I went to lunch with my sponsor. My sponsor says this, and my sponsor... And I thought, I've got to hand me one of them sponsors. So I said to somebody, how do you get a sponsor? And they said, well, you go to a lot of different meetings and you find someone who has something you want and you ask them to be your sponsor. Well, I had been watching this woman She had five years' sobriety. She never came to the meeting on time, but she was always at the meetings. She had a way of telling people what was on her mind and pinning them down and shutting them up. And she had what I wanted. And I asked her to be my sponsor, and we stayed angry at Alcoholics Anonymous together. now um she was also a real estate agent and so i went to school and got my real estate license went to work for her after a few months she said um i'm tired of this i'm gonna drop out of society i'm going up to saguache colorado and i'm working a little restaurant so i used to come up and visit her and it was really beautiful up there and everything and one day she called me and she said, wow. She said, the people that are running this restaurant are tired of it and they're going to sell it. And so I don't have a job. So you know what I did? I bought the restaurant and I bought a house. And I told her, all you have to do is make enough money to make the house payment. And man, am I a financial wizard or what? Well, after a few months, It was too much work for her, and she called me. She says, I can't do this anymore. So I did the next best thing, and I got one of my kids, bless his heart, the one that I'm saving a seat for in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I asked him if he would like to come down and rent my restaurant. So he picked up his family, and he moved right down. And as the weeks went on and as I got a little bit more clarity, I realized, number one, that this sponsor and I were not good for each other. Now, I had to tell her, you know, that we would have to sever our relationship. I learned a lot, and I pray to this day that she did too. And I gave my son the restaurant, and I got out of that confusion because it was not helping my sobriety at all. But I went back to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I had no sponsor. A woman moved into town who was a tattoo artist and she used to identify herself and she'd say, I'm Patricia and I have a desire not to drink. Well you know I am unique and special and I need somebody unique and especial to help me. And I said will you be my sponsor? And she said yes. First thing she said to me is, I am in charge of your sober life and I will tell you what to read. And you will read the big book and only the big book, and you will throw away that Hazleton horoscope. So I started working with her. You know, I was reading the big books. That was good for me. She made me do a fourth step. She turned it in. She turn it back to me, corrected like a grade school composition. You now, I would meet with her every Saturday morning, and I would leave there in tears, just devastated. And one day I said to her, this isn't working. I'm not getting any better. She said, well, then you know what I think you need to do? You need to just pack up and go away someplace all by yourself for a whole week. And I said, you know, feeling the way I'm feeling, if I go off by myself for a full week, I'm going to get drunk. And she said, Well, maybe you're not through drinking yet. And And I thought to myself, you know, and I'd been in the program long enough that I knew that I could ask somebody to be my sponsor and I could ask somebody not to be my sponsor. And I said, I don't think this is working. You're not good for me and I'm not good for you. She said, are you firing me? And I said yes. So there I am back in Alcoholics Anonymous convinced this program's going to work for you and for you and for you. It's never going to work for me. Now, I haven't been drinking. And something really wonderful happened. somebody donated a box of tapes to the group and they needed a tape secretary. And I said, I can do that. Three wonderful things happened to me with that box of tapes. Number one, I listened to every single one of them because I was going to alphabetize them, categorize them and be the best tape secretary anybody ever had. The other thing was that I had to go to a meeting every day because somebody might want a tape. But the third and the most important thing that happened was I got out of my own head and was of service to another human being. And as I, probably listening to those tapes and going to meetings and watching the light come on in all of your eyes, I knew, I thought to myself, it's that God thing. And so I went in search and I started asking some of you, you know, how do you communicate with God? What church do you go to? You know, everybody was so kind. I went to more different services and I sang the alms and I, you know. But it just wasn't, it wasn't touching me. Now down the road from where I lived there was a little church that met on Saturdays and then on Sundays, apparently another church rented it because this man would go out and tack up the sign and said, you know, service on Sunday. And I thought, well, I've been to all of them. I might as well try this one. One more won't hurt. And I walked in this little church that Sunday morning and the first thing that attracted me was there was a lot of program people in there. And i sat down and i got quiet and I listened. And what I want to say to you tonight is this, that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I heard that day in that little church the same message I'm sure I heard in every church since I was a little kid. You know? I'm a child of God, whole and complete, just the way I am and God loves me. and it was as if my heart melted, and I can remember sitting in that pew and crying. And the minister's wife saw me, and she came over and patted me on the shoulder, and I felt really at peace. And after the service, they had this fellowship hour, and they had coffee and cookies, and they have read out of these books, and I'm feeling so good. I go back to the book table, and I say, I'm going to buy all these books. Out comes a checkbook. And this man said to me, is this the first time you've ever been here? And I said, yes. And he said, well, you know, maybe you ought to wait. He said, there's a book out that says how this all came to be. Maybe you'd like to read a little background before you decide you want to buy all these books. They are expensive. And I sent, well okay. And he says, I have a copy of that book and I'll be home this afternoon. You can come by my apartment. And he gave me his address. Well, he lived right across the street from the church and right down the street for me. so that afternoon I went over to his apartment knocked on the door and he came to the door and he said I've been waiting for you, here's the book and I said thank you very much and I went to shake his hand and he said I don't give handshakes, I give hugs and so he hugged me and I Went On My Way and I ran home and read the little book and I was all excited ready to go back to church the next Sunday and Saturday night I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and guess who was sitting at that meeting? The little man from the book table, my loving partner of 13 years, Dick C. And because there's another Dick C in the room, I'd like for Dick to stand up so everybody can know about him. So I continued to go to that little church, and Dick and I continued to communicate. One day he said to me, you know, there's a group of us that meets up at White Rock and we have kind of a spiritual meeting and most of us are in the program and we just have a great evening. Would you like to go? He said, I'll take you to dinner. And I thought, boy, it's been a long time since anybody made an offer like that. You bet. So he came by my house and picked me up. We went out to dinner and then we went to that meeting. And that night I met the woman who was to be my sponsor, and who is my sponsor to this day. You see, she had a joy and a peace about her, and love and a sense of humor. And it was like God directed me right to her. And so the next day I picked up the phone and I called her and I said, Hi Trish, this is Betty, I met you last night. She says, Yeah, I remember you. And I said I have this friend and she needs a sponsor. and she said I'll sponsor your friend but you tell her for me that I'll expect her to do some work and so I said well it's me and I really would like to work with you so we set up a meeting and the first time I met with her the first thing she said to me was what is your relationship with God and I said I don't have a relationship with god and she sent me me this is a spiritual program and until you have the spiritual program you have no program and she said finding God is a very personal thing and I want you to take all the time in the world until you can find that God that you can communicate with him that you contrast and until you do, borrow my God. Borrow my God." And nobody ever made me an offer like that. And I want you to know many times in my own private little chapel, the second stall of the woman's bathroom, I would kneel down and I would pray, Oh, Tricia's God, help me get through this stuff. And I don't know when it happened, you know? But all of a sudden it was like I could begin to have faith and trust, and my days were getting better. And what I can tell you today is that I do have a God, and that I DO know that God is alive and well and takes care of all of us. And I see God every day when the sun comes up, when the son goes down. I can go to God when I need a hug and a warm feeling. And when I just need to hang out with a bud, I've got a God I can hang on to. And I see God in my grandchildren, in the love that they give to me, in their tears that they shed. And I see god in each and every one of you. And so it happened. That miracle happened. And Today all I can tell you is God is love and God is here. And so I continued meeting with my sponsor, and she said to me, Now what about your fourth step? No, no, you don't understand. I've already done a fourth step. And she said, No,no,no. You don't understand. You're carrying a lot of anger and garbage with you. And if I'm going to help you, I have to know all about you and what's been going on and what's behind all of this. So I sat down. You see, when my sponsor makes a suggestion to me, it leaves her mouth a suggestion and it comes into here, thou shalt. So I did. I sat done and wrote out my four-step inventory and one spring afternoon we sat in the dugout at the Little League ballpark and I shared my fifth step. And then she said to me now I want you to take this home with you spend an hour with the big book just exactly like you've been instructed to do and become willing and then take the time to say the 7th step prayer and when you come back next week bring this inventory because we're going to start working on your 8th step amends so when I went back the next week with that she said ok I said no, you don't understand I've already made amends I've already made amends. And she said, you know, this is a fearless and searching and moral inventory and every, you Know, we have to dot every I and cross every T. And so there were people on that list that perhaps I could go back and do amends but I had my oldest son, I had tried to make amends to him but he just didn't want, he just Didn't want to have any part of it. You see, he was the young man that would, I would call him, you know, at 12.30 or 1 o'clock at night with some really good information, you know. And he would call me back the next morning and ask me how I was. And I'd say, why do I think we've already had this conversation? And he'd say because we did. You know, and he'd saying, you now, mom don't you think maybe you're drinking a little too much? No. So after I got sober, I don't know, I don't think he trusted it. There was a lot of other things. I had been to his house to babysit with his children when his wife was having a new baby and I was, you know, he would leave me home with the kids and he was living in Oklahoma at the time and I figured out how to make friends with the state store and I got my supply and, you now, I was not a very trustworthy grandmother. And so there was a lot of reasons why he didn't trust me and why he just couldn't accept my amends. And I said to my sponsor, it's not going to work. She's not gonna listen to me. She said, pray for him. And i said, all right. I said, but you don't understand. And she said, no, wait a minute, Betty, why don't you go to Al-Anon? so i said okay okay so i went to al-anon and then the next week i came back and she said well how did it go and i said oh they're great people they're Great People did you learn anything just that they're really nice people she said Betty why don't you go to Al-an-an and so and so i continued going until i finally got the message that you beautiful people wanted to tell me, and that is that if I'm going to recover and if I've got to get really honest I've gotta put the focus on myself and so I continued that work and I continued to go to Al-Anon and I continue to see Dick and every once in a while, Dick would disappear he'd go to an area assembly and he'd come back and he's saying man, I'm high on AA and I said, I don't care where you've been I need to go do a meeting Well, one weekend this area assembly was going to be in Santa Fe. And so I thought, well, now I'll get to go and see what this is all about. So I went to the area assembly and I signed up and they had this little meeting. Well, I'll tell you what was going on. They were going to divide a district and Dick, being the map neighbor that he is, he designed the map and he presented this and everything. And then they went to Sharon. And my goodness sakes, let me tell you, you give an alcoholic a microphone and an opportunity to express an opinion, you know. And I was listening. Some people were saying, man, Dick, you did a good job. And some of them were saying who died and left you AA? You're going to ruin AA. And so then the business meeting was over. And they went to holding hands and praying and hugging as if they were never going to see each other again. And that night they had just a sharing session. well I was used to that kind of meeting so that wasn't too bad the next morning they had elections and I had never seen or heard of the third legacy in Alcoholics Anonymous and so they started calling the roll and people would say yes it's an honor for me to leave my name well they would get to an office and there would only be one person and the chairman would say no we have to have another person and this woman would put her hand up and she'd say, it's an honor for me to allow my name to be left in in service in Alcoholics Anonymous. And they would vote, and she wouldn't win. And then they'd go to the next office, and there'd only be one person. And the chairman would say, I have to have one more. And this lady would say it's a honor for you to have me. For me to leave my name. And she wouldn'T get enough votes. And I thought to myself, she didn't get it. Well, you know who didn't gets it. You know, so the meeting ended. And like I said, they prayed and they went to hugging as if they'll never go to see each other again. And I said to Dick, you know, I'm not well enough to go to those things. Well, I think God had another plan because I would go to the district meetings with him. And one time we went to a meeting and the DCM said, you don't Santa Fe bid for the state convention and we don't have a convention chairman. And if we don' t get a convention chairman out of this meeting, I'm going to have to go back and tell him we can' t have it here. And I thought, hmm, I've been a den mother so I did the den fair and I've done a grade school carnival. So I said, well, I'll chair it if somebody will help me. And so this other man said, well, I've bee waiting for that too so the two of us co-chaired the state convention. Well, you know what happens when you share a convention for your area and they give you the money to operate it, you've got to go to the area assembly and account for the money. So the first time that I had to go to the meeting, I just went long enough to go the podium and make my report and leave, you know? And the second time, in our state, we rotate our areas assemblies around the state so it was far distance I had spend the night. Well, when I went that second time everybody said, hi Betty, how are things in Santa Fe? How's the convention going? And all of a sudden I'm beginning to feel like I'm part of this whole thing. And you know, by the time that state convention was over, I was hooked. And the area chairman asked me to serve out a term as CPC chairman. And I had a wonderful opportunity then to work with the deaf community and to work avec lawyers and to visit with priests. I mean, it was amazing. And so that followed a term as secretary, and then I became the area chairman. Now, eight years ago, while I was doing that service work, at Christmastime, I got this feeling in my chest, you need to call your son. You need to called your son, it's time for you to make that amends, it is going to work. and I thought, oh, it's the holidays and I'm being sentimental and I kept putting it out of my mind but by New Year's Eve day I thought okay, I'll just give it a try we'll see what happens and I dialed up the phone and called him you know, and I had a conversation with my son and I was able to say to him the things that you taught me that it's my side of the street that I have to clean and I could say to him with total honesty I am so sorry that I did not do the things that you expected me to do that I wasn't there when you really needed me and in doing that and in him accepting it he said to me mom let's don't talk about this anymore tell me how are you and there ensued a conversation between the two of us that every mother and son should have and that we continue to have every week now. The power of forgiveness as taught in this program is powerful, but it's all in God's time. It took nine years, so don't ever give up. Continue to pray. Well, I was really glad that I had made that amends because that was the first of January. In February of that year I got a call from my youngest daughter, and she said, Mom, I've got a lump, and I'm going to have to deal with it. And I'm the queen of denial. You know, I said, Fine, hon. When we have to dealing with it, we'll deal with that. And she said Mom, we have deal with now. I'm gonna have a biopsy on Friday. So I went with her, and had that biopsey, and we got the news. You know it was cancer. I knew all I had to share with her was my experience, strength and hope and so I went with her to all the doctors and each time the doctor would say is there cancer in your mother's family is there Cancer in your father's family and I had this overwhelming emptiness within me because I didn't know where I came from so she went ahead and had the surgery and one day she had the Surgery in February and she was healing to get ready for her chemo. And I went to the area assembly. Now, you know, back in 1930 in the birth certificate, I had the name of my mother and father and what town they were from. So I asked someone in the program who lived in Tucumcari if they had a newspaper. I said, I'm trying to find my mom and so I'd like to put a personal ad in the paper. And he said, I'll send you one. Sunday before he went home, he came up to me and he said And, you know, my wife likes to go through records and stuff like that. Give me all the information you have and let us see what we can do for you. And so I gave it to him, and I put that out of my mind because now my priority was my daughter. And I would go with her, and she would have her chemo, and I would stay with her for a couple of days. And you know how the book tells us we will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us? And I knew when I would go and be with her, after a day or two, it was time for me to leave because she had a loving husband and some wonderful in-laws and children that wanted to help care for her too. And I wasn't the star of that show. And so I would come home and I would stay with her for a while and then I'd go back. And somewhere in all of this healing that was going on with her I got a phone call from my oldest son and he said, Mom, how are you? And I said, I'm fine. And he said, no, no mom, tell me the truth. He said, I have daughters of my own and I know if I had that news I would be devastated. Tell me, how are you really? And he says, if there's anything I can do for you I'll be there. And you see that was the grace of this program that my healing my relationship with him freed us all up to join as a family to help my daughter to heal herself. Now, a few days later, I get another phone call, this time from the wife of the DCM in Tupin, Cary. And she says, Betty, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is I found your family. The bad news is your mom is dead, and she died of breast cancer. But you have one half-brother and three half-sisters. She said, I'm going to put the names and addresses and telephone numbers in a letter and give it to you. And then if you want to contact me, it's entirely up to you. When the letter arrived, I was overwhelmed. I have a brother that was working in Florida offshore. I have an older sister who is a Catholic nun. God has a sense of humor. I had a middle sister who had ties with Las Vegas. and my youngest sister was a woman that I had known for over 23 years that I worked with at the telephone company whose children I had in my own 4-H club. And so I got on the phone and I called her and I said, Clara, I'd like to take you to lunch. And she said, gosh, I haven't heard from you in the longest time. That would be great. So we get together and hugged and everything And I said, well, I have something I want to ask you and something I want to tell you. And I said, first tell me how are the kids and what are they doing and what's going on with them. And then I handed her a copy of my birth certificate. And she said, oh my goodness. You know, I spoiled her lunch and she didn't eat. I still owe her a dessert. Anyway, I said to her, I really want to contact the rest to the family. I really would like to get to know them. And she said, let me do it. Let me do It. And She kind of filled me in on a few things. She said, you know, I was the oldest and then my mom had another daughter out of wedlock. But She didn't give her away. She gave her to my grandmother to raise. And then She married and had the other three children. And so she said, I'll contact them and see if we can get together sometime. So I went back and I called my sponsor because I knew I had some work to do, some real forgiveness. Because you see, the thought came to me, why was I the throwaway kid? You know, how am I going to go and go with no extra garbage and go with nothing but love and be honest as I meet these people. And so together we wrote about it and I talked about it and I prayed about it and within a week I had a phone call from my sister and she said, you know what? Our sister the sister was just coming home from Mexico traveling with a priest and another nun. My middle sister was in Las Vegas taking golf lessons and she could be in Santa Fe whatever. So that weekend, we all got together. Now, it was pretty frightening, I have to tell you. I did a lot of praying. My sponsor and I talked a lot. I went to that house that evening and I was greeted at the door by these 4-H kids that I had. And it was great. And I met a new nephew who said to me, oh Aunt Betty, everybody that I ever knew had an Aunt Betty and so now I haven't yet. And I met my sister, the sister. And she said, you know, I said, I have to tell you right up front, I've had some problems with the Catholic Church. And she said well honey so have I. And then she said to me, you know I just met you and already I have a resentment. And I said, why? And she said, because I was raised by our grandmother and you look like and you act like her. And those were the words I had waited all my life to hear, that I looked like somebody, you know. Now my middle sister is a beautiful lady who has a son in our fellowship and she has Alan on and we speak the language of the heart and of course my youngest sister and I a few months ago she was married and I was able to bake her wedding cake so that night we all gathered together with this priest and he said mass and we broke bread together and God was there and a tremendous healing took place now I'd like to tell you that we bonded and that we've got this wonderful relationship going, it's been a little strained. I mean, after all, I show up many, many years after they have been grown and tell them about what our mother did, and it's Been Hard for Them to Accept. But slowly but surely, we're getting to know each other better. And the other thing I have to tell you, I was very open with all of them about my alcoholism and where I came from. And I do see the ugly head of that disease popping up here and there. And so they know I'm available if they ever want me, but we're all way too close. And that's the reason why it's so exciting to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and come here and share with you because I know that I am available if any of your family ever needs me. And I know if any member of my family ever need you, someone will be there. Thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not done! I'm sorry, but I want you to know that I have to finish off by telling you that I finished off my term as chairman. And that following year, it was my privilege and my pleasure to leave my name in and serve Alcoholics Anonymous as delegate to the General Service Conference. And when I went there at the opening session, Jim Estelle, who was the Class A trustee, addressed us And he said, this conference experience will change your sober life and it will change your spiritual life. And I'm here to tell you that it has and it did. But what I really want to tell You is, if I have any message to bring You back from the General Service Conference, it's this, that God's in His heaven and all is well with AA. That we have the finest staff working for us back there. that those desks are manned by alcoholics, alcoholics just like us that are so dedicated and do such a good job. You know, they have meetings, they Have Sponsors, they do Fifth Steps, it's wonderful. And if any of you have not had the opportunity to call New York and share your experience, strength, and hope with them, I encourage you to do so. If something really good is going on in your group or in your district or in Your area Give them a call and share it with them. We all like to hear good news. Now, while I was back east and during that conference experience, I had the opportunity to visit Bill and Lois' house. And I walked in that house, and it was like walking in any other AA's house, you know, pictures on the mantle and the china in the cupboard. and I walked back into the kitchen and sat at that little metal table and I looked up in the cupboard and I saw all those coffee cups hanging there and I thought, how many alcoholics had to get drunk and get sober so that I could make a decision and go to a meeting where the coffee was made and the big books were on the shelf. What a blessing. And I went up the hill to Bill's office and I sat at his desk and I ran my fingers across the burnt cigarette burn marks on that desk and it came to me what a very human person he was. And looking out that window it wasn't hard for me to understand how he was inspired in all of his writings. I went back in the house and I went upstairs and visited Lois' office and I saw all the shoes and all you good Al-Anons know the shoe story. I think about Lois, and I think about Ann Smith, and I think those ladies took that song, Stand By Your Man, to a great height. None of us would be here tonight had it not been for those wonderful women. We owe them a great debt. And I came back down, and I looked in the living room, and I saw the piano, and I saw the violin, and I've read where Bill really wasn't the greatest violinist in the world, but what I thought about was they didn't spend all their time talking to drunks and wiping puke off people's shoes. They probably had wonderful evenings together in harmony and just joy. And what a gift. And I came back from that General Service Conference more determined than ever to preserve and protect this beautiful message. And I think each of us must be charged with the responsibility to keep this message strong, to keep it pure, and to keep it going. And you probably say, well, how are we going to do that? Well, I'm going to tell you. Reread the big book. This time, read it with meaning. Identify with the sameness. You see, I stand here before you a Hispanic female, born and raised in the South Northwest, what do I have in common with a male stockbroker who lived on the East Coast? Not a thing if I look at it that way. But when I read in Bill's story that alcohol went from being a luxury to being a necessity, I can identify. And when I reading Bill's story that he said, I'm not going to drink again, and by that night he found himself drunk again I can identify and so I say reread that book this time read it with meaning and don't stop there go to the twelve and twelve study those traditions make them a part of your daily life and the AA service manual has some of Bill's best writings in it there's a little history and the concepts for World service are a fine piece of work that every alcoholic should read. And don't stop there. We have history, you know, Dr. Bob and the good old timers pass it on. Ate, you know, language of the heart. I mean, we are so rich in our history and we're not going to be able to understand our message if we don't understand where the message came from. And so I say it is our duty to protect and to respect this beautiful message. Before I close, I want to share a little poem with you because it kind of describes its brief and I've kind of paraphrased it. When I'm an old woman, I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn't go and doesn't suit me and I shall spend my pension on summer gloves and satin sandals and I will sit on the pavement when I am tired and run my stick along the public railings and make up for the drunkenness of my youth. I shall go out in slippers in the rain and ask people if I may pick flowers from their garden but for now I must wear clothes that keep me warm and pay my rent on time and not swear in meetings and set a good example for the newcomer. But maybe I ought to practice a little now so that those of you who know me are not too shocked and surprised when suddenly I'm old and I start to wear purple. Now, the reason I share that with you is because this program has given me me. Today, I am happy with who I am. Today, I know me and I'm free to be me and so I would like to offer this invitation to each and every one of you see that your own house is in order abandon yourself to God as only you can understand God and come join me that together we may walk this road of happy destiny may God bless each and everyone of you thank you for listening to me Thank you.