Bondage of Self Is Trying to Manage What Was Never Mine to Manage – Nick S.

About This Speaker Tape

Nick S. from the Fun of It group at Serenity House of Beaufort tells the story of how the Third Step Prayer reached him in a jail cell and rewired a life built on selfishness, rage, and twenty-four arrests. Born in 1986 to an alcoholic mother in Doraville, he describes a childhood of gunfire Christmases, a stepdad who adopted him and got hoodwinked through bankruptcy, and a realization at seven or eight that the universe revolved around him. When his mother got sober and he couldn't drink like she had, he resorted to rage and depression, got kicked out in sixth grade, and found his first Old English 800 at a brother's suggestion.

He joined a gang, ran the streets while his mother died of cancer, and cycled through jails, halfway houses, drug courts, and DUI courts — sneaking out of a South Atlanta halfway house to get a drink and go back to prison. On the run to Mexico for 32 burglaries plus battery and forgery charges, he blacked out and woke up in a jail infirmary having been non-responsive for a week; something inside him died and the humbling finally took. He asked for a book, got a recovery testimony alongside a Star Trek novel, and got on his knees.

Inside, he heard the Third Step Prayer from the sponsor who still works with him today, wrote his fourth step, and wrote his stepdad a letter admitting he had stolen the pistol — an amends made just before his dad died. A 20-year sentence became 18 months of rehab. He relapsed at 90 days juggling three girlfriends, went back to prison, and on September 5, 2016 took his last drink. He married a woman from the rooms, nearly lost their daughter in a COVID-era emergency C-section, and prayed on his knees through commission sales until he couldn't get up.

The closing miracle is his mother: Linda, her best friend from the program, surfaced a CD with her voice he hadn't heard in 17 years, and women his mother had sponsored told him stories that rewrote a resentment he had carried his whole life. He says his desire today is to surrender — the transformative power was the decision itself, taken in a jail cell holding another man's hands.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting opens at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Napa Club; Nick S. introduced from the Fun of It group
• 2:30 Nick opens with the Third Step Prayer — says he had no idea what it meant when he first said it
• 5:00 Childhood in Doraville off Buford Highway — alcoholic mother, good-old-redneck Christmases with guns and liquor
• 12:00 Kicked out in sixth grade, moves in with stepdad at twelve, finds his first drink
• 20:00 Joins a gang, mother dying of cancer, starts cycling through Gwinnett County jail
• 28:00 Blacks out on the run to Mexico, wakes up non-responsive for a week in the jail infirmary
• 34:00 Asks for a book in the infirmary, gets a recovery testimony, gets on his knees
• 42:00 Amends letter to his stepdad about the stolen pistol; dad dies weeks later
• 50:00 Relapse at 90 days juggling three girlfriends; back to prison, last arrest September 5, 2016
• 62:00 Linda surfaces a 17-year-old CD of his dying mother's voice; women she sponsored rewrite his resentment