Bob D. on Silkworth’s Theory of the Physical Allergy and Craving

About This Speaker Tape

1978, a bridge in Pennsylvania. Bob D. stands there with a bottle of Wild Irish Rose, sobbing, weighing the drop to the railroad tracks below. He had spent seven years in and out of the rooms, a member of the "passing parade" on the way to the graveyard. He describes the "spiritual malady" as a hole in the soul you could drive a Mack truck through, leaving him in a state of unbearable, empty, desolate loneliness.

He breaks down the "phenomenon of craving" through a gritty memory: as an eighteen-year-old at a dinner party, two glasses of wine sent him into a panic, leading him to lock himself in a bathroom to chug cough medicine just to survive the night. Bob warns that abstinence alone is like driving a van full of sugar-overdosed eight-year-olds who hate you. Only by surrendering his "opinion" to a Higher Power did he stop being the idiot in charge of his own wreckage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob D. opens with a joke about convention applause and welcomes newcomers.
• 4:15 The 1978 suicide attempt on a bridge in Pennsylvania and the feeling of dying of loneliness.
• 8:30 Childhood story about the horseradish and the 'spiritual malady' of incompleteness.
• 13:45 Detailed account of the 'phenomenon of craving' and the cough medicine incident.
• 22:10 Discussion on the 'disease of chronic malcontent' and the emptiness of mere abstinence.
• 30:45 The 'chattering' in his head and the struggle to fit in with people while sober.
• 38:20 Resistance to Step 3 and the fear of the amends process given his history of violence and theft.
• 46:10 The turning point in Las Vegas and the realization that he had been 'on the fence' for years.
• 53:15 The betrayal by his wife and best friend Craig, and using the Fourth Step to find relief from resentment.
• 1:02:30 The process of repairing the relationship with his parents before their death.
• 1:10:15 The conflict over his mother's inheritance and the decision to let his sister keep the money.
• 1:16:40 Closing promise to newcomers about the end of self-hatred and the nature of recovery.