Big Book Workshop – Kathy H. – New England Weekend – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Kathy grew up in a Cincinnati home where humor was a shield and feelings were ignored. She describes a lifelong 'addiction to approval' and a tendency to minimize red flags, which led her into a marriage with a Marine who was a 'diamond in the rough' but carried a volatile temper and a drinking problem. The wreckage includes years of walking on eggshells, a husband who shot blue jays and neighborhood cats, and the terror of unemployment and narcotic addiction.

After the sudden death of her husband in a helicopter crash, Kathy leaned into Al-Anon to navigate the wreckage of raising seven children, some of whom struggled with the same family disease. She moves from the 'four M's'—mothering, managing, manipulating, and martyrdom—toward a spirituality of letting go, eventually finding a stable, sober partnership in her later years.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening: Kathy H. introduces herself and discusses the challenges of Zoom
• 4:30 Childhood: Growing up in a 'funny' family and the story of the Hibernians [LAUGHTER]
• 8:15 Personal traits: Discussing the danger of minimizing and the addiction to approval
• 12:45 Relationship: Meeting her husband and the attraction to rule-breakers
• 15:20 Early Marriage: The pressure of 'how it looks' and the first 10 days of marriage
• 18:10 Crisis: Husband's dental school and the descent into narcotics and unemployment
• 20:30 Grief: The undercurrent of grief that connects those affected by the family disease of alcoholism
• 23:15 Chaos: Living on the farm and the stories of shooting blue jays [LAUGHTER]
• 26:00 Recovery: Joining Al-Anon on April 5, 1982, and the first beginner's meeting
• 28:45 Principles: Discussing the four primary ideas and the 'Four M's' [Step/Tradition reference]
• 30:15 Loss: The husband's death and the 'rabies' analogy for alcoholism
• 31:30 Closing: Reflections on her second marriage and the Lord's Prayer