Big Book Study Review – Part 1 – Joe Hawk and Triva – 1992 — Joe H.

How many in their first 60 days? Great. How many have been through this process outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous? How many doing it for the first time currently? How many in inventory? Now, here's an interesting thing. We have, what, probably 70 or 80 people in this room that are interested in this and that are involved in this and are here for some reason today. How many in this room have ever finished a set of amends? Finished. Finished amends from going through the work. Great. Great. Great. Great. I think from my experience, and I hate to start off on this kind of a note, but I think from my experience that going through the steps as outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous has really come to a place where it's something that someone has to decide. One of the sad reflections in our program nowadays is how far the fellowship has gotten away from the program that was given to us. And you hear that in statements around the rooms like, there's as many ways to work the program as there are people in it. Now, the sad thing about that nowadays is that that's true. Now, we're certainly not here today to tell you this is the only way. It would be stupid of anyone to think that this is the only way to stay sober or to find God. We see a lot of other people doing it a lot of other ways. I know this about that, and I've talked to a lot of them. Not too much. Too many of them have a set of promises to the extent that this book offers that will absolutely happen if you do it their way. And I'm the kind of guy that's always been kind of leery of someone saying their way anyway. I would much rather bank on a proven method that's worked for thousands and thousands of people that have the same thing that I have. I was down in San Diego last weekend, and I was watching a TV show, and it was about AIDS. And here's a group of men sitting in this room on TV, and one of them says, when I found out I had this disease, I started looking all over the country for people that had been doing recovery from this disease for a long time. And he was just real open to doing that. He said, I went all over the country looking for people that had long-term recovery from AIDS because I wanted to find out what they were doing. And I said, well, I'm not sure I can find out what they were doing. But why don't we find that as much nowadays? And I think one of the reasons we don't find that as much nowadays in our program is that people come in here and they never really get, or it might be a long period of time before they get the depth of what's really wrong with them, the depth of this disease. I mean, you can even be in a group where you're watching people. One week they're there, the next week they're back in treatment, or one week they're there and the next week they're dead, or you hear about a few friends, and you still had this idea that it was, and you usually hear someone referred to that went back out or that died, he stopped doing something. He stopped going to meetings. He stopped doing this. He stopped doing that. Because in the back of your mind, you'd like to continue to think that it's something you're doing that's keeping it going, and as long as you want to keep it going, and as long as you keep doing what you think you're doing to keep yourself sober, then it's going to continue to happen. Until you meet some people like I have in the last nine years that continued to want this thing, and didn't just stop going to meetings, and found themselves drunk or dead. See, I think if we're going to find out anything with this first step is, it has very little to do with what I want. But there's also a paradox there. I think it's got to be something that you want more than anything you've ever wanted, but don't think that it's just your want or your desire that makes this thing happen. And I think that's a couple of the things I'd like to center in on today, is what a spiritual paradox is. Something that makes no intellectual sense. Because the frustrating thing for me, and for Treva this morning, or when you're working with somebody through these steps, the frustrating thing is for those of us that like to share this with other people is, you can't teach it. I mean, we can't sit here today and dot the i's and cross the t's in a certain outlined way, and make the experience happen. The only thing we can do, especially with step one, is to give you tools that we have used, that for some God knows reason brought on an experience for us. We can really only share the tools. I think one of the common misconceptions of people that go around and that are interested in this big book, is they start to think that if you study it right, or if you learn enough about it, you can make the spiritual experience happen. That's as crazy as thinking you could learn about what you're doing, thinking you could learn about what it would be like to have an orgasm, and really know what it would be like to have one, without ever going out and having one. Now, we're not experts on the steps. The reason I'm here today is because I don't ever want to drink again. This is part of what I do, to share this with people. I'm also here because I was asked to be here, and I'm also here because I said that I would be here, and I think if I've learned anything about living on a spiritual basis, I would then talk about it. And there's no proof in Heaven, that God knows the truth. But, do you still drink too much? Well, if you go around and share something about yourself, do you think that works as an updated version of yourself every day? And do you go around and show up on Twitter? Who is most available by that time? First, let me show you the self. what I was going to do, or I haven't done what I said I was going to do. And so far, it's the best definition of honesty that I've found. So that's part of why I'm here. Why am I qualified to do this? First of all, my basic admission is that I am not qualified to do this, nor can I do this, nor can I make what I would like to have happen today happen. Um, that's probably why I'm a little better off to do this, because I know I can't. And I think that's where this basic process begins. Um, I believe I have a little experience to share. I haven't spent a lot of time studying this book. I've spent a lot of time taking people through this book, and I have spent a lot of time actively going through it myself. I'm nine years sober. I got sober August 17th, 1982, for that reason. I'm nine years sober. I got sober August 17th, 1982, for that reason. I'll be forever grateful. Um, and I believe gratitude is shown through expression, through action. I don't believe gratitude is just a feeling, and I don't believe gratitude is something you just think about. I believe that gratitude is an outward expression, through action. And this is part of what I do. I mean, who really wants to get up at 630 in the morning on a Saturday morning and come to Altadena to talk to a bunch of drunks and addicts? I mean, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Does someone in their right mind really look forward to doing that? I mean, I must be really crazy, because I was looking forward to doing this, to see Al, to be with Treva, to share. So, I've been through this work nine times, once a year for nine years. I don't plan it as to when during the year. It just seems to happen that way. Several times since my first time, I have decided now's the time for me to go back through it, and maybe, a little later, I can talk about why going back through the work over and over. Why reworking and reworking the first nine steps. And I think the idea about that, for me, goes all the way back to one of the major differences between our two founders and two schools of thought among people around the country that work the steps. And those two schools of thought are, you work the first nine steps once, and you live in 10, 11, and 12. And there's another school that believes in reworking and reworking and reworking one through nine and doing the best you can with your life. And I think that's the key to that. So, I'm here today because I'm an active member in AA. I believe there's three parts. One of the parts I'm active in is in recovery. And that's basically why I'm here. I'm glad to get a chance to do this. And it's nice to have some friends here this morning. Treva? Okay. I'm Treva. I'm the director of the AA. I'm the director of the AA. I'm the director of the AA for the last 10 years. And I'm a member of AA. Okay. And I'm Treva. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Treva. Hi. And first of all, I'd like to thank Al for asking me to come out and share. And Joe was talking about gratitude and why we're here. And I was thinking about why I'm here. You know, I'm here because I never, ever, ever want to live the way that I have to live. And I have found something that has worked for me. And I want to say, you know, to Joe, who in 1987, I think it was, shared with me, and I think it was, I think it was, I think it was, I think it was, I think it was, I think he had written it. He said, in 먹는 she took books, and he had written about alcoholism, which I love. And the other guy has proven to be a saint, has been with me. And he wrote about this during and after this discussion, oh, probably in the press conference, last year. And he, he had reported the Delta trials. Yeah. with me and he shared with me the big book and the 12 steps and my life changed and I changed and you know I believe that it's a privilege that I've been allowed to share this book and share this program with other people and that's why I'm here I was thinking about just how serious this disease is and I guess that's another reason why I'm here because I happen to you know still see people who are dying I mean really dying not just dying of untreated alcoholism but dying like dead because they could not admit and accept that they were an alcoholic and so every day that I'm able to get up or lay down and be sober you know it's just such a gift you know and that's why this morning you know I don't feel like I'm qualified for this program because I'm here and I'm here to share this book and share this with you and I hope that you know somehow you don't have to do what I did which is often you know I would look at and look for all the differences if you can sort of look for the similarities and just be open to a new experience I think you'll be in for something that is beyond anything you've ever imagined you know so again I want to thank you for all you know for coming out and you know let's get started if you look at a basic idea in the preface of our book and where it talks about that this is a textbook and you look at how this textbook is laid out in the table of contents keeping in mind that we have to move through this pretty quickly today we only have about five or six hours with it with an hour lunch break at noon hall of fame starting at half past five and feeling sit down and on the pratical structure and probably rather than sit down and just sit and talk at home and just you know let's just study living your fair share of account finally I would like you to shut up and pick up your paper and help us develop a really interesting study which I think you would so much enjoy I'm gonna to cover the first 11 steps. Now, out of those 98 pages, we're going to find about 62 from the doctor's opinion to the middle of page 52 that you can use just to cover the first step. That's 62 out of 98. Just on the first step, that foundation, that thing they really want us to be convinced of, that reason for moving through the rest of the work. Then you look at one chapter for step 12, working with others, and then from page 104 to 164, practicing these principles in all our affairs with the family and to the employer and a vision for you. You don't find a lot of pages covering the first 11 steps. We're talking about 98 pages. We like to look at the book in a section at a time, especially for some guys like me that are slow when they come to this and you have to take a little bit at a time. So, and also from doing workshops where you get, and a workshop is where you get 20 or 30 people together and you meet once a week and it takes about a year and you go through the 12 steps together as a group. We like to take a piece of the book at a time. If you start on the title page where it says Alcoholics Anonymous, the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism, I was five and a half months in this program, really active, going to a lot of meetings and I reached a point at five and a half months. After 17 years of drinking, I reached a point at five and a half months where I was just dying of untreated alcoholism and no one had ever talked to me about a part of the disease that goes on after your last drink. I mean, I had gone to so many treatment centers that I had become a therapist in one, which is about the only thing left to do when you've been to as many as I've been to and haven't gotten an answer to that question, what's wrong with me? About the only thing left to do is to continue to get a degree in psychology to find out what's wrong with you and then become a therapist in one and drink with the director of the program that you're working for. And that's exactly what I was about. I started going to treatment when I was 18 years old. I stopped going to treatment when I was 24 because I knew treatment didn't work and in the middle there, after getting out of the Michigan State Penitentiary, became a therapist in one. And drinking with the director of the program that I worked for. So I come to this program with a lot of information. And that's one of the things I love to talk about, the difference between information about this program or about yourself, self-knowledge, and experiential truth. It's like the difference between thinking back to the day before you had your first orgasm and everything you thought you knew about what it would be like to have one and then how you knew what it was like to have one the next day after you had one. That's the difference. That's the difference between knowledge and experience. I mean, you know something at a gut level. And that's what they want us to do with the first step. To fully concede to our innermost self is like night and day. I mean, some people, it takes years and years and years of going in and out and drinking alcohol to get that fully, full concession to your innermost self that don't just happen up here saying, I'm powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. And we have too many stories in this room to reaffirm that, including my own. So when I come to this man at five and a half months when I was ready to die suffering from untreated alcoholism that we're going to look at in the second half of step one, and he sat down with me and shared with me the title page of this book and talked to me about the circle and the triangle, I found out more about AA than I had in almost six months. And I've sat down with people that have been around a lot longer than six months who found out stuff just from what this man shared with me about our circle and our triangle than they had the whole time they'd been in the program. I mean, no one ever told me that if you're going to meetings of AA you're not really in AA. And there's a big lie that you can help newcomers with right away that think because you're going to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, you're in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's not true. If you're going to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and have a desire to stop drinking, you're a member of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, but there's two more parts to this program. He talked to me about this. He talked to me about unity. Where do you find unity? You find unity in these things that we do together. Meetings and conferences and conventions and dances and going to coffee and everything we do with people in the fellowship is what unity is all about. I was in that part of the program, but what about recovery? He said, where do you find recovery? I said, on the wall. He said, no, Joe, they made a mistake when they put the steps on the wall for you because they left the directions out in between each one and left it up to an idiot like you to figure out the directions. He said, the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous is found in the first 164 pages, and I found that our book tells us that in a few pages, and I wasn't involved in that part of the program. He said, what about service? And I got cocky, and I said, well, I'm taking patients to meetings from where I used to go to treatment. He said, oh, you're carrying alcoholics to the message. There's a big difference. So all of a sudden that day, I'm waking up to the fact that I'm in one of the places in one third of AA expecting the results of all three parts of the program, dying of untreated alcoholism. He talked to me about a set of 12 spiritual principles for each part of the program. The fellowship uses the 12 traditions. Now, the saddest thing we hear about that nowadays is that the traditions are to the group what the steps are to the individual. And you know what they've just done? They've just said, one third of the program isn't applicable for you and your life as an individual. It's only good for the group. You know what? My sponsor told me there's as many principles in the traditions for you to live by as an individual as there are in the steps. And there's another part of the program that opened up to me. You mean there's stuff in the traditions that I can really use in my life, in my work, with my family, anytime I'm dealing with more than one person? Maybe in my family, our common welfare should come first and our personal recovery within that family is going to depend upon our unity? Or in the family that there's only one ultimate authority, a loving God is going to express himself in our family. A family's conscience, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And another part of the program opened up for me because I don't know about you but when I'm new and even up till today, I'm selfish and I'm after what I can get. And if you tell me the traditions are for the group, I'm not going to be interested in the traditions because I'm here for what I can get. And believe me, I was in a place when I was new and at five and a half months dry where I needed to get something. He said, what about the 12 steps? That's what we'll use in recovery. What about the 12 steps? 12 concepts of service. And all of a sudden I see a program with three parts and a set of 12 spiritual principles for each part of the program. And I'm only in one part. He said, do you know there's a part of the program for each part of the disease? I said, what do you mean? He said, do you know it's a three-fold disease, body, mind, and spirit? That's the way we like to break down the first step. Rather than looking at the first step in two parts, the admission of powerlessness over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable, we're going to look at the first step in three parts, body, mind, and spirit. He says, if you bring your body to the fellowship, the mind will follow. You treat that through the recovery program and have a spiritual awakening. You take your awakened spirit out into the world and back into the program to be of service and you can become one. That's what the circle means. About a week later, I'm at a noon meeting in Denver above this church and we look out into the chapel during the meeting and there's these three-step program. There's three steps. There's three giant circles with triangles. And I go up to the minister afterwards and I say, do you know that's the A symbol? He says, yeah, you guys have been here for about 20 years, but do you know that's an ancient spiritual symbol that means body, mind, and spirit as one? And I thought to myself, that's the same thing my sponsor shared with me about our symbol. Treva? Well, the thing that really struck me when I had this page come alive for me was they say that these people have recovered. You know, but I started to think about how in my life most of the time I wanted the recovery. I wanted to feel good all my life, but I wasn't willing to do the work. You know, and I was one of those people who thought if I was going to meetings that that was enough. And what my experience has been now is that if I will, if I'm practicing the program and that means I must be doing something of each one of these. I must be doing the steps. I must be doing service. I must be doing, you know, the fellowship. I do feel whole. But when I'm not, I don't feel whole. And I can tell. You know, but the thing that I really, really love is that they say that these people have recovered. So I don't have to walk around talking about I'm not recovered. You know, if we do this work, we recover from a seemingly hopeless mind. You know, state of mind and body. And that, to me, I mean, that gives me a lot of hope. And that's before I even get into anything. I mean, they're telling me that if I'm willing to do something that I can recover. You know? So that's, that's what I get out of there. You know, it's one thing for a new person to say that he's a recovering alcoholic. And I believe if you're early on and involved in this recovery process that you're recovering. But you know what somebody that's been around for a while says to the new man when he's 10, 15, 20 years sober and he still introduces himself as a recovering alcoholic? Do you know the message that he's sending out to people that are new? A.A. does not work. You can't recover. You will always be recovering. And if the 10-step promises are true, the problem will be removed. But I'd better never forget it's on a daily basis contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. But in this state, and what are we really talking about? We're talking about this moment. Right here, right now. I am not obsessed about alcohol. I am not, have any in my system, therefore I'm not craving it. I am not, I am not suffering from a spiritual malady. I have recovered from alcoholism. That's the promise of this book from the very first page. Now, we can't spend as much time as we would like on the first part of this book, but if we look at this part of the book, from the title page up to the doctor's opinion, as, for lack of a better word, section one, what we want to get from this section is general information on the doctor's opinion. about the program. It's not step one. You haven't begun the work, but there is some great, like I told you, my eyes were opened the day that he talked to me about the circle and the triangle to stuff about this program that I had never been aware of. And when he laid out in the table of contents where you find the steps, I mean, it's easy to find out where step three through twelve are. They tell you, now you're at step three, this is step four, now we're at step five, the next chapter's entirely devoted to step twelve, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But how do you know that you're at step three? But how do you know that you're at step three? But how many people really know where the first two steps are? But wouldn't it make sense if this is a textbook that everything from the doctor's opinion up to the third step prayer or up to the ABCs, through the ABCs, up to where it says now we're at step three are the first two steps. But so many people want to say the first step is only in this chapter or the second step is only here. He told me that we were going to look at the first step in the doctor's opinion, Bill's story, there is a solution, more about alcohol, more about alcohol, more about alcoholism, and the second half of step one using three pages of We Agnostic, page 44, 45, and 52. I don't think step two starts at there is a solution because it says there is a solution. You're going to find stuff past there is a solution through more about alcoholism, about the obsession and the craving. And how many people really spend much time talking about where in this book can you find stuff to help you look at the second half of step one, the unmanageability, the root of this disease. So, you then find step two in We Agnostic. You're going to find steps three and four and how it works. You're going to step, find steps five through 11 in Into Action. And you're going to find the first part of step 12 in working with others and practicing these principles in all our affairs and the wives, the family, the employer and a vision for you. So when someone asks you where the program is, that's the program, you know, laid out for us. We're going to use the doctor's opinion, Bill's story, there is a solution. Well, no. He says steps and how it works is steps three and four. Into Action is steps five through 11. And then working with others, uh-huh, through a vision for you is 12, in a sense. The most important word in the preface is that this is a textbook. It's not a novel. It's not just a book to read to relate to. It's not just a book to read to find someone who has a problem like yours. The most important word in the preface on page XI is in the second paragraph that this is a basic text. And a text is a book that's meant to be gone through a book. It's meant to be gone through an order. Did you ever feel confused when you were new and somebody said, go home and read how it works? And you read how it works and you didn't have a clue what they meant and you were more confused than before you asked? Right? Well, that would be like sending someone home with a math book and say, go to chapter five and do the multiplication or the fractions when you haven't done the addition and the problems and the quiz and you haven't done the subtraction and you haven't done the multiplication and you haven't done the division. Because this book assumes we know nothing about the subject or we wouldn't be drunk or we wouldn't be new or we wouldn't be coming to this for an experience. My sponsor told me I knew enough about alcoholism and what was wrong with me and how I felt to be dangerous to myself and everybody around me. And I should start this process and I can't emphasize this more. We start this process, the group that I belong to, because of what was asked of me when I was new, we start this process with a prayer in our own words that this book does refer to, not word for word, but the book refers to it. We start this process with a prayer that everything we think we know be put aside for an open mind and a new experience. And that prayer literally opens you up and you start wondering. Because that's the place the first step has to be considered from. You can't start the first step with an answer. If you start the first step with an answer, that's all, all you end up with is the answer you already had when you started. I can't tell you how much of that, just because I was not willing to put aside everything I thought I knew about alcoholism. You know, I had to go out and die because I thought an alcoholic was something else, like on Skid Row. And I wasn't like that. And it just continued to keep me out there. I thought an addict was something else and I wasn't like that. So when I came back and Joe suggested that I say a prayer, which we should do maybe, to put aside everything I think I know about what an alcoholic is, what the disease is about, how it manifests. Maybe, you know, I can have a new experience. And I know every time I go through this work, I have a new experience. I have to put aside again everything I thought I knew last time in order to have a new experience. You know, because what I thought I knew kept me out there in bondage and dying. You know, so that's a good suggestion. As you move through the preface, you find out some history about the book, what was changed in the second edition, what was changed in the third edition to reflect the fellowship's growth, and that the first 164 pages have been kept intact. The preface ends with a question that I think if you're new or old or in between and you're going through these steps again, I think this is a question that needs to be answered somewhere else. Somewhere in the first three steps, and that's the last question in this preface, do you think this program can work for you too? And if you've been around for a while, that doesn't mean just stay sober, that this program can take you beyond where you are. If you're really going for a new experience and you've been around this deal for a while, do you really believe this program can take you beyond the experience you've had? So there's a consideration there. Do you want to move beyond where you are? Do you even think it's possible to get past this and to get past worshiping your own mind enough to think or believe that you can actually be taken beyond what you know to be true? The chapter of the agnostic talks about worshiping the God of reason. For me, that's the idea that there isn't anything beyond what I know already. And if I know it, it's true. And if I've said it more than once, it's gospel truth. And if I've said it from the podium more than once, it's really true. Right? And there's probably not much more beyond what I think to be true. So the proposition here is, can you be taken beyond your own experience? Can you be taken beyond your own mind? Those of us that have written inventory certainly have experience with seeing things come off the end of our pen that we didn't think or know or ever understand before these things came off the end of our pen about truth that took us beyond what we thought to be true when we started. So I start this process with a prayer. Maybe each of us in our own way can say that prayer today. For a moment, in our own words, that today we be taken beyond what we think to be true. That we be taken beyond what we think we know. That God set aside what we think we know for an open mind and a new experience with this book and these steps and this program. See, it's what I think I know that I want to get past. You're not asking God to put aside your experience. Your experience is what you want to get a clear view of. But believe it or not, when you're going for a new experience, whether it's the first time or the umpteenth time, what you think you know is what stands in the way of a new experience. For example, does anyone in this room think that it's what they think they know about God that keeps them sober? No. It's not what I think I know about God that keeps me sober. It's my direct experience and contact with God that keeps me sober. And at some point, starting this work, what I think I know about God, all of a sudden, goes from being an asset to being a liability to having a new experience. And what you think you know can literally be a wall between going any further. When you look at the forward to the first edition, I think they tell you some things that some people in this program never find out that to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. Some people never find out that that's the main purpose of this book, to show me and other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered. And it's amazing how, again, they say how a hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And, you know, this book is amazing to me because every page sets us up for the next, you know, situation. And they're going to say to us that they hope that these pages will prove so convincing that we don't have to go out and die anymore. And I think that's what's going to be the most important thing for us to remember. And I think that's what's going to be the most important thing for us to remember. And I think that's what's going to be the most important thing. You know? And so, hopefully, in our open-mindedness, I mean, we, you know, some of us won't have to ever go out and drink again because they have said that these people have recovered. They have done that. You know? And that's what the whole purpose of this book. And another thing that sticks out for me is that this is a way of living. And that's what I couldn't really get. This is a way of living. It's not just something that I'm going to read and just, you know, go out. But it's going to give me a way of living. And I think that's what's going to give me a way to live that I never had before. And that's why I keep, you know, I love it. Because it gave me something I never could find anywhere. Not to move too quickly, but as we move through the forward of the second and third edition, we find some interesting things. I think one of the most interesting things is that between 1939 and 1955, when the second edition was printed, there was a book called The Recovered and it's a book that's about 150,000 people recovered. And somewhere else in here, it tells you that 300,000 books went out. So for 300,000 books, 150,000 people recovered, that's one person for every two books that went out. You know that they publish about 6,000 books a day now, and our recovery rate is down to about 6%. Why is that? Well, I think that's because we're not looking at the right questions. We're not looking at the right questions. We're looking at the right questions. And I always approach this book from looking at questions. I'm looking for the right questions. It tells you about Bill and Bob meeting. It tells you about Bob trying to use other spiritual methods to recover. But he was never able to recover until he got the description of alcoholism and its hopelessness, until he got that, until he admitted what the problem was, the solution didn't work. Both of them had been exposed to the six steps from the Oxford Movement that are on page 292 in our book, when there was only six steps, but they didn't have a first step, and they didn't know what was wrong with them. And all they thought the first step was about was complete deflation of the ego. But when they got the information from Dr. Soakworth and the information from Carl Jung, and found out the nature of their condition, they then began to pursue the spiritual remedy with a willingness that they'd never been able to muster. And the six steps that the Oxford group gave us are on page 292, and they have most everything that our twelve steps have, except what was wrong with us. And... Go ahead. No, I was just thinking that the thing that stood out for me is that Joe was saying that until they could really look at the nature of their disease, until I can really admit that I have a problem, it doesn't matter if I go to church or if I'm living, you know, morally and all this, it's not going to work. And I know my wife and my own experience prove that. Until I was willing to look at my relationship with alcohol and admit that I was an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable, all the other steps, because I had read the steps, I had read the big book, I had done all that, but that first step, if I don't get that one and the rest of them, it's not going to work. So, if you look at the first section of the book, we're talking once again about from the title page up to the doctor's opinion. As we go through the book, you'll see that there's a little bit of a history in the book, and it has some great general information about the program. Sometimes, for people that have been around for a while, the whole program will open up to them. They'll see a three-part program with 36 spiritual principles rather than just 12. They'll see a part of the program for each part of the disease. They'll see that you can become whole, that there's a promise there in that circle and triangle. They'll see a little bit more about our history, that it's not just the little group they belong to, a little bit about how it started and how it's going to change. You can really get some great general information about this program from the first part of the book. But when you get to the doctor's opinion, now we want to look at section two, another piece of the book. We're going to go from the doctor's opinion to the top of page 23 in There is a Solution. And we're going to use this section of the book mainly to look at one thing. Remember I told you we're going to look at the first step in three parts, body, mind, and spirit. So, what we're going to look at from the doctor's opinion to the top of page 23 is the physical part of alcoholism, the body. And we're going to only center in on one part of that. What happens to me after I take a drink? So, from the doctor's opinion to the top of page 23, we're going to look at the body after the first drink. Now, these pages will get into a few other things. We're going to find out some stuff about Bill. We're going to find out some things about the doctor. We're going to find out some stuff about Bill. We're going to find out some stuff about what it means to go to any length. We're going to find out that they warn us the fellowship by itself is not enough to hold us together. We're going to find out some other stuff, but most of what we're going to center in on is what happens to me physically once I take a drink. Now, this was given to me from another man, but I have found this to be true from the people that I've worked with. And this guy's worked with a lot more alcoholics than I have, and he's worked with a lot of alcoholics. And I found it to be true also. This guy said, of all the people he's ever worked with, there's three, and from his own experience of going through the steps on a regular basis for 20 or 30 years, there's only three ways to approach the first step. Two of them are dangerous, and they will keep you from having a new experience, and one of them is the way that we hopefully want to come to this first step. The first way is the way of the bigot. And the bigot either knows that he is, or he knows that he isn't, and ain't nobody going to say anything to make up, to change his mind. The bigot knows. And you know what the bigot's filled with? Contempt. Prior to investigation. He knows. And he knows that what he knows is true. And he'll never be taken beyond what he knows because he knows. He's on one end of the scale or the other. He either knows that he is, or he either knows that he isn't. Same scale, two different ends. Now, there's a lot of people who are like that. Now, there's a bit of the bigot in all of us. So, what do I want to do? I want to get past what I think I know. The chapter to the, the chapter work, how it works says, we had to let go of our old ideas that didn't work. So, how do I do that? The question is, can I let go of my old ideas on my own power? So, how do I let go? One of the things I do to let go is to pray. That's where we think that book, this book refers to that prayer. The chapter to the agnostic says, we beg of you to lay aside prejudice, even, okay, then in there is a solution, a guy that Bill and Bob are 12-stepping says, the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, it meant I had to throw several lifelong conceptions out the window. So, the people that have gone before me really do think that this book refers to that prayer. Then all the way back in the chapter, the appendix, spiritual experience, it says, there's a bar which is, which is a block against all spiritual growth. And then, that is the principle of contempt prior to investigation. So, there's a bit of the bigot in me. I think I know. Ain't nobody going to tell me anything. So, I pray. Then there's a man that's harder to work with than the bigot. And that's the pious man. Because he doesn't just know, he believes. And he usually uses God to justify it, right? You can usually tell him, you can usually tell him by the last guy you talk to. Right? He's the guy in the bar that if he's sitting between a Democrat and a Republican, he's in big trouble, right? He's the nodder and the shaker. He just, and what the pious man is filled with is not contempt. The pious man is filled with acceptance. He just accepts anything. Anything. I just accept that, right? Accepting an unacceptable situation. Oh, okay. All right. Acceptance without any consideration. Acceptance prior to investigation. Then there's the man of consideration. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. He's in the middle. Willing to look at every question from both sides. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. And once again, let me repeat myself. You cannot start this process, with an answer. If you start this process with an answer, you'll end up with the same thing you started with. The same answer you came here with. You will not be taken beyond where you are. And I believe from my experience watching this, there is only one place that you can receive grace to move beyond where you are. And that's in the middle. Willing to look at both sides. It's only in the middle that I can receive grace to move beyond where I am. Doesn't mean you can't continue to receive grace to stay where you are. And believe me, you will stay where you are. If not, regress. But to receive grace to move beyond where you are, you must somehow be placed in the middle. Willing to look at both sides. Neither knowing nor believing. And that's a scary place to be. Going through the work this time, and I'm going through the work with Joe, and I remember him asking me, I'm eight years sober. And he says, Triva, I want you to consider, eight years sober, eight years sober, then maybe you're not alcoholic. I was like, oh my God. You know, that's a scary place to be. Because what if I'm not? Oh my God. So, I hope you feel what I'm feeling. Because that was a scary place to be. But that was a, it was an experience I had not had. Because that was the first time I had experienced that sober. Someone saying to me, well let's go in the middle. Let's go in the middle. And let's consider, you're eight years sober, you haven't had a drink. But what if you're not alcoholic? And you can go out and drink. Like, oh shoot. That's a scary place to be. But thank God, I was willing to do that. And I looked at the first step again, like I'd never looked at it before. From the physical, you know, the whole nine yards. And I did not do it like I had done before. See, because I'm identifying with him. I was the pious one. I was the one that said yes, I am because you say I am. I do because you say I do. But for the first time, it's like this is grown up stuff. So I think he's asking us to be open minded. And as honest as we can. You know, thank God I'm you. I mean even,