Beginners Class Workshop – Part 4 of 2 – 2025 – Frank M.

on our shoulder just doesn't get it done. And I know, I stayed there and I played that game. The only reason I know what I'm talking about is because I played it. I had a chip on my shoulder and I left it there. And I resisted doing anything people told me and I figured I'd figure this out because I'm smart enough to figure it out and if you've got to do all those things, that's your problem. I don't have to. And after three years, I'm telling you, I swear to God, I was as crazy and as mixed up, sober as I've ever been drunk and I got scared. And I got a sponsor, I got the money, I got to guide, I followed him and I did what he said even when I didn't want to do it and it didn't make any sense and finally I came to understand how simple this is and then I was embarrassed by how hard I had made it. But nobody ever told me these things. Here's what they said when I was new. Just show up. Do what you want. If you don't like those things, don't do them. Bring the body and the mind will follow. It's like a smorgasbord. Take the actions you want, reject the others. You know what kind of alcoholic I am? Is it if it hurts, I reject it. If it's inconvenient, I reject. If I don't understand it, I just reject anything that isn't easy, quick, and comfortable. so at the end of three years I hadn't taken any steps and I was sober and sad now when you're three years sober or a year sober you can't go to meetings and say I am sober and sad because it's for newcomers and they expect you to be sober and happy so you lie and you act as if I did nobody ever said to me these things that I'm saying to you it ain't a smorgasbord it's a program of recovery that is the only way anybody has ever known to recover from this illness it is the only way AA knows to suggest to you There are no other suggestions. AA's experience is that as a result of taking certain actions, people have recovered from alcoholism. And we suggest you take those actions. That's the only thing we know that works. But the observation of the people who came before us is that as we eliminate the actions, we reduce the quality of that sobriety. As we eliminate the actions we reduce the quality of that sobrietry. What's the big deal? We just do it. the dilemma of the alcoholic of my type is we really want to talk about getting well but we don't want to do anything to make ourselves better the denial that I came in with about drinking I maintain in Alcoholics Anonymous about my need to change and that's why most people like me don't make it here I don't leave my denial with the booze I continue to hold in denial and that is that I don' t have to do like they have to I secretly can do it easier in a different way maybe I can but I tried it and I can't and most of the people that I've seen try it haven't and I want you not to fail I just want you not to fail but I can't want it more than you want it if I want you to have a better life more than I want more than you want to have a better life I'm wasting my time and you're wasting your time here I mean I didn't come here to give better lives I came here because I gotta do this because I used to stop doing this and I started to feel shitty again now there's a lot of ways to carry the message to suffering alcoholics you know how you do that you don't have to come from Chicago to carry a microphone around all afternoon and talk you know how you'd do that you say hello to a newcomer. And, young lady, you're sober a month. If you walk up to somebody who's sober two days and tell them you're glad to see them and that you're sober a week, you're a month and this thing really works. You do more than if they sit and listen to me for an hour. You know what? Because they look at me as some old fool that hasn't got what he's got and no wonder he feels so good and it's all work shit. If I had what he has, I wouldn't feel that. But they say, they think to herself, my God, she's my age and she's sober a month and she believes this thing? When I sat at my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, there were about 11 men. There were no women at my first meet-up. And there was a guy who was a very, very successful guy and he'd been sober a long time and he talked, Joe, don't snore because it bothers you. We're picking up to start. He was very successful and he was very knowledgeable, but there was a guy that was sober seven months who was my age, okay? And I thought to myself when the older guy was through, and he Was sober 15 years. I thought what the hell you keep coming here for 15 years. I mean, Jesus Christ. I mean don't you have a life? I mean but the guy who had seven months I thought to myself oh my God it's possible seven months how do you do that? I mean that's 15 years I mean shit I don't even want to think about that seven months continuously and he said he was a salesman and I kept thinking to myself a salesmen How can you sell without drinking? I'm thinking to myself. So you don't carry the message by holding a microphone and talking to a group of people. You just carry the massage. You carry the messages sometimes by saying hello and just doing this. You carry them somehow by just looking good, not using four-letter words, being an example, you carry the message because people come to understand and know you go to AA you represent Alcoholics Anonymous when you're in the drugstore I tell you you carry that message this is a place of great dignity Alcoholics Anonymous you carry that message when you leave the building how you act how you drive how you dress how you talk you're responsible to carry the message this isn't some bum joint this isn' a sexual supermarket this isn''t a place you come to stay sober and then you have license to be a creep you don't come here to get laid you don''t come here to get a job if you do you're going to be very disappointed you're going to be very disappointed you come here to learn how to live and to feel the way you always wanted to feel and with that comes responsibilities and you carry the message you got to do that you don't have to wear a suit and you don' t have to wear a tie but you can be clean guy said to me Frankie said Look the best you can. Every time you go to naming, it doesn't mean wear a tuxedo or anything. You're an example. You're supposed to look like what recovery looks like, not what addiction looks like or drinking looks like or loss looks like or failure looks like. And I thought to myself, I don't want to. I'm more comfortable the other way. But as long as I did the things that made me comfortable, I never got comfortable. and soon as I did the things that didn't make me comfortable I got comfortable isn't that weird that's how alcoholics and animals works it's upside down everything about this makes no sense but it works now here's what we're going to do we've been here a long time you've got to be tired of listening to me I'm tired of listen to me we'll have a five minute break then let's have some questions I'll try to suggest some answers maybe we'll talk and then we'll all go home okay so let's have a 10 minute break and then we'll wrap this up with a question and answer in the group that has pitched in to make this happen and especially to the people who came here today thirdly at the close of the meeting if everyone will just stay in place prayer rather than trying to make a circle it'll be a little bit difficult with all the chairs here and the last announcement is there is literature we have our literature table and also a sponsorship weekend from the West Palm Beaches is coming up and I've been told that there are flyers on the table available for you it's May 22nd 23rd and 24th and there's flyers is on the table thank you okay I want to thank you too I could not have done what you're doing when I was a month sober or six months over nine months over I would not have taken the time to do what you've done just take out of time and have enough interest to go to this kind of a thing so if we're going to measure how you're doing you're doing a lot better than i did at the same time and that's what this is all about well we want to do the people that have survived here we wantto make we don't want you to make same mistakes we did if it's possible and all we do is share and we're gonna ask i'm gonna feel free to ask whatever questions, but I want to say this. The answers are not the answers. Okay? If you ask a question and I tell you what I think, it's what I thank. It's not the answer. And if it is different from what your sponsor says or you perceive it different, talk to him or her about it because chances are they're right. Because too often, sometimes, the danger of doing this is that the speaker comes to believe that he's got the answers and that he is a teacher. Now, you can teach while you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and that works just fine. But if you're a teacher and not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, it doesn't work so good. So these are just my opinions. Again, if you don't think it's true, reject them. Does anybody have any questions? Yes, sir. My name is Rocky and I'm an alcoholic. I've got a question. I have two sponsors. I don't really want to be in a lot real well. What I need to know is, is it wise to have two sponsors without a stake? has all the knowledge, all the experience. The problem I would have with having more than one official sponsor, this is just my feeling, is that I know how devious I am. If I had three sponsors, I would agree with the one that agrees with me. Next. Anybody else? the question is can you outgrow your I don't know that I think that phrasing it that way makes people build up a resentment to the question I don' t know that we outgrow that presumes an elevated something or other I just think people change I think needs change I think sometimes as life unfolds we have to seek different questions or different answers for different questions sometimes the people who we chose early on give us all they have and sometimes we move to some other person to teach us a different lesson there's nothing wrong with being a third grade teacher but sometimes I need a college professor and sometimes it's time to be in college and sometimes I start out with a college teacher or a college officer and that person brings me through grammar school and high school and up to college I don't know but sometimes people choose sometimes they use their judgment to choose people who it's kind of like marriages all marriages aren't made in heaven sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes both people are very good people it's just sometimes it's time to move on I don't know I don' t know the answer to the question but that's the best I can do with that yes ma'am hi Is it okay to disagree with your sponsor and try to make some decisions that you feel are all right? Prove them wrong. Next. Yes, sir? When did you first start sponsoring people and what do you recommend? Oh, what a great question. When did your first start sponsor people? And when do you recommended other people to sponsor? And when do you recommend other people start? I think it's the greatest question. I was sober. Joe, you might be able to help me. How long was I sober when Irvin came to me? About four and a half years. Yeah, it took four and half years of sobriety before anybody wanted what I had. that's true and he says left me that's true so I don't know some people get a lot of people to sponsor and some people don't I don't know why That doesn't mean that people who don't have a lot of pigeons or babies, whatever you call them here, are any less successful in AA. It's just that that's the way it is. You don't... I don't know why. That doesn'T mean that the people who do not have a lof of pigeons or babies or whatever you caII them here are any Iess successfuI in AA It's just that, that's the way it is. You don't determine when you sponsor somebody. They determine that. And you just, when you're asked, you're supposed to reach out. But sometimes you get there. It's almost like sometimes I go around the country and I hear, it's like, The guy with the most pigeons wins, sir. You know, I'll tell you my experience. I sponsor a lot of people, but a limited number of people. Since I do this a lot, and especially at home, I'm a very high-profile person in my home group. And being in this role often, it's not unexpected that a lot of newcomers would ask me to be their sponsor because I get the juice. So early on I decided that I would never sponsor anybody who ever attended one of my beginner's meetings. I did that to protect myself from becoming a super-sponsor. I don't have all those questions answers I'm not I have all that energy I'm the answer to alcoholism and plus part of the recovery process is sharing if one guy sponsors everybody how do the other people share who do they share with I think we all get a shot at this so I reached the number and I just said that's enough and no matter who asks me now I say no you don't but here's a good person that will help you or here's a good person that will help you because you know part of learning AA is teaching AA and we learn more by the sound of our own voice sometimes than we do listening to someone else. You want to teach? You wantto learn? You know how do you learn? You knowhow to learn? Here's elements of learning. Be quiet. Listen. Remember what you heard. Practice what you've heard and teach it when you do those things in that order, you come to understand the lesson. And so my opinion is that in a lot of people, I'm not against somebody having 300 pigeons, but I can't do that. Nor would I do that, and so that's fine. That's just what I say. A large group of people are going to get up and leave, I want you to know they're not mad at me. They've announced that they have to go. They have a deadline and they have to go so when they get up and leave they're just going to get up and leave. The next question. Yes ma'am. I have a question about the original response to the earthquake that's going on. I think there's been a point where it didn't go through any change. How do you go about doing it? If you if you I'm hearing a feedback are you hearing a feedback from this microphone? Okay. The fellow will take care of that. The question was, if you have to change sponsors, how do you do that? Here's how you do it. How do you deal with that? You talk and communicate with that person. you give that person an opportunity to explain their position you will be surprised that most sponsors will be pleased to get rid of you and they won't be rejected or feel bad they'll try to act sincere so when they hang up the phone or get home, they'll go... We make more of it than what it is. If your sponsor is recovering or recovered, I don't know what the semantics are and I'm not into that. If your sponsors doing well, your sponsor understands her role. Your sponsor's a woman? Good for you. and if if it's right it's fine and if it isn't it is it's not the end of the world this is about God in us not sponsoring me grouping me I mean that's important those are elements but this is all about you being in tune with something that could do for you what you can't do for yourself with the help of others and let's not play sponsor up with God. I mean, I think. Yes, sir? I'm playing around a lot. I guess I'm an alcoholic but I still get a lot of hurt, you know. I guess what I really want to know is what is your opinion about help outside of AA? Help outside of AAA? I don't know what you mean. You know the best way to deal with pain? Help somebody else. You know what's the best way to do it? The best way to deal with what ills us? Quit thinking about what we're going to receive and give something to somebody who's less fortunate than us. This thing works in reverse. You get in proportion of what you give. You don't just, you're not sponges that we steer. One of the most wonderful things about alcoholism is why it grew at such a rapid pace is people were forced to do from the first day in the old days. Here's how it worked. They published a book. It got into a magazine. All of a sudden everybody started to come. You came on Monday. Tuesday five more came and there were only four of us. You became a sponsor. You didn't have time to worry about what you needed. your job was to go make a call on a newcomer you're three days sober you were distracted from your wants and it worked what happened is all of a sudden now we've turned this thing around and it's like you sit around and you receive well what do you do? it's like what's the time you get tired of waiting to receive the old time AA people tell you get off your ass and start doing something. I mean, honestly, I'm not being cute. I'm nicht talking down to you. Don't feel that way. I hope you don't. But it's true. The answer is in the doing. There are a lot of people that have less than we have going for them or scared, confused, angry. Do something for them. Worry about how they are instead of how we are. Be a sender, not a receiver. And it will all go away. The longer we concentrate on depression, we're going to be depressed. The longer мы think about our anger, we're gonna be angry. Honestly, this thing works in reverse and if you apply it in reverse, you're gonna get the result. You look for God, you're never gonna find Him. Just think of how you can help somebody else and God will appear. I really mean that. I go to a meeting at noon a lot, and there's a guy that comes in here who claims to have five-and-a-half years of sobriety. Every afternoon he'll talk for 10 to 15 minutes about something that you can't understand what he's saying because his mind is supposed to be like, he rambles, and it's close to the hour. Do you mind cutting it a little short? Just kind of, oh, sir, cut me off. You don't care. You people are hypocrites. He went up and walked out the door. What do they have to do to do the same thing? When he walks in, they kind of go, who's him again? I know you shouldn't think that way. We're going to help you. Where do you draw the line? I don't know. he thought he was gonna get me You know, I encourage you to take some steps because you're a coward to talk. All right. I believe in putting them right in the steps because that's what they're doing in any meeting that I have not taken. What's wrong with that? We don't encourage you to take some steps, because you can't wait to talk. Hi. I believe in putting them right in the steps, because that's what they're about. It's just a program of recovery from alcoholism. and if I just wanted to stick around, I'd send them to the Elks Club. I mean, I want them to get well in that family. I see. As soon as your ego is deflated enough to accept the fact that you don't know the way to Oregon. Isn't this wonderful? I'm losing my voice. Go ahead. Hi, John. I don't know John John's talking about having a sponsor who's a very good friend and I just I don' t know I don''t know I there's a safety thing John about asking somebody who's the good friend but I don't know if I want a friend for a sponsor because a friend may want to be my friend more than he wants to be my sponsor and he may not say things to me because it may hurt me and he doesn't want to lose my friendship and I may die because of that hesitancy to hurt me I want to sponsor who looks at me right in the eye and says you're full of shit I mean honestly I don' t mean to be profane but I really do I mean, it doesn't mean you can't become friends with your sponsor because I think as you grow into sponsorship, you will become friends. And then one day you will think your sponsor's pretty dumb. And if you stick around long enough and he sticks around long genug, he will get smarter again. It's kind of like father and son. At first, daddy's the biggest, strongest, most powerful preacher you ever saw. And then by the time you're in your teens, you're kind of a pain in the ass, out of step, doesn't understand. And by the Time you get a little older, you got wiser again. That's kind of what goes on in sponsorship relationships, I think. I see, yes. Only a couple more. Yes, sir? Hi. Sir, let me tell you something about alcoholism. His question is, what do you think about a 30-day program versus Alcoholics Anonymous? And that is a great question. If I could find a 30 day program that would cause me to recover from alcoholism I guarantee you I would go to it and I can afford to pay for it. If I could buy my way out of alcoholism, I would. Unfortunately for me, alcoholism continues into sobriety. The recovery from alcoholism continues after I stop drinking or I drink again. there is no cure for alcoholism you stop doing these things you will be right back where you were I don't say that I don' t even want that to be true all I know is that seems to be what happens you want a quick fix there isn't any you want to learn to be a social drinker and it's never going to happen if you're really an alcoholic No great speaker, no great book, no great treatment center is ever going to fix you. You and I are like race cars. God made two kinds of cars. He made Chevrolets, and they just keep coming off that assembly line, boom, boom, boom, and the people get in them and they drive forever, change the gas, change the oil, add some gas, add the oil. Boom, they go forever. Then you need race cars. God, they go fast, but they always got to be tuned up. They always got have that pit stop because if they don't, they stop running. I'm a race car. I'm never going to be a Chevrolet. I'm always going to have to make the pit stop and I'm also going to make a pit stop. I'm not always going have to constantly be adjusted, but when I ride, baby, and when I'm moving, I am moving faster and better than any Chevroler ever did. Yes, ma'am. Hi, Perry. What do you feel is like the problem balance between discussions and speaker meetings? Or do you find that either one... No, a meeting's a meeting. It's a place of learning. It's the place that I put myself in an environment at which I can listen and assimilate and get the benefit of others' experiences. And I can do that in open meetings, closed meetings, anywhere. It's what attitude I bring to the meeting that's more important than what happens in the meeting. If I walk into the best meeting in the world with a closed mind or obsessed with my problem of the morning, I don't care who's speaking or what they say, nothing good is going to come out of that meeting. It's how I approach. If I go there willing to be taught, taking the battery off my shoulder accepting the fact that I need help be willing to experience the excitement of knowledge we never stop learning and that's what's so wonderful about this I'm not the same person I'm going to be five years from now when I'm 25 years sober if that ever happens I'm gonna be a newer and hopefully even better friend that's an exciting prospect And to do that, I've got to keep learning and watching my ego, make sure I get out of my own way. Thank you guys. And I've gotta keep doing this stuff. That's it. Yes sir? Hi, I'm Peter, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Peter. I would like to know what do you think about relationships within the first year, especially I would like to know what do you think about relationships, especially when the partner is a social drinker? The question is how would I think about relationship during my first year? When the other person is a Social Drinker. I'll tell you, I'll answer this question whether the other persons a Social Drinker or not. When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I did not think through my brain. Yes, ma'am? How do people deal with the guilt of the Southlake Army if you kill your youth 5, 6, 7 weeks a week? And they don't know the news. They don't seem to use them. But you're guilty because you're leaving your family and your life is on the line for two hours. I don't want to be flippant, because that's such a serious question. How do you keep from allowing that spouse to impose guilt on you? I honestly believe that I don't know the answer I honestly believe that if you will do those things you will know the answer I think that one day now it's not a cop out kid I'm telling you there's no fix here There's no way that those dilemmas get cured here by someone giving us the answer. I know it, which I wish there were. You will stop feeling the guilt when you stop allowing the guilt to be imposed upon you. And I don't know how to stop that. But if you do, there's... Listen. Let me tell you. This lady has been the recipient and has accepted the guilt of another person and does so constantly and can hardly stand it. Is there anybody in the back who's faced that, endorsed or died? Would you look around? Is there anyone to help do that? All I'm suggesting is all I'm saying is All I am suggesting is these people have gone through that and they're still here and so can you. It's not an instant relief. Recovery from alcoholism, change in who we are and how we feel is not as quick as taking a martini. See, one of the captivating things about what we used to do is we could change those things, those feelings and those reactions pretty quickly. Half pint. Or whatever, whatever. This is not at all. It's not as fast as quick. but this is much more lasting I honestly mean it we're going to quit here at exactly three o'clock or when the last hand whichever first occurs yes ma'am and you're feeling too comfortable, and it's a little bit, and then you feel like, you know, just the constant, you're going up the hill, down the hill. And it's never just like a good idea. Talking about the lady's question of balance and the difficulty to maintain balance and how do you do it, and I have never learned how to do it. No, but I'll tell you what, I've learned how do it better than I used to do. I don't think anybody, anybody that I know I'm sure there are people but I know that I mean, I'm not I'm putting but that's everybody wants that answer that's here and I know we're not looking for perfection we just want to be better at it and I tell you over the long haul you will get better at because learning how to act like an adult and feel like an adult well it's a trial and error thing growing up is tough to do I mean it is when I'm a little kid I only want to be an older person because I know older people got it all together and they can do whatever they want when they want and make us happy when I was second grader I look at the 8th graders and can't wait to be an 8th grader because I knew 8th gradeers don't care about anything they're just they're the bosses when I got to be an 8 th grader I looked at the second year high school guys and I was like I wanted to be senior in high school because they look like But you can't feel like a senior until you're a senior. Balance is this. Life is constantly changing, constantly saving us of new problems, new dilemmas. It's kind of like a scale. There's a hole in one of them. This guy said this and I thought it was a wonderful thing. For us, it's like a scale. You all see the scale adjusters? Well, for alcoholics, it appears they're out of some cruel hoax. Let me drill a hole in one of the scales. Because no matter what we put into it, it seems to... And what we do is we just keep trying to balance the scale. We are our worst critics. We are perfectionists. We never satisfied with a B-plus. We're the type of people who don't come home and scream and enjoy, Now, I've finished 19th out of 39. We're the type of person, my type, not your one, that if I have a day and 20 things happen in that day and 17 of those are good and three are shitty. I had a shitty day. Not anymore. Not anymore! I have now, through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and being willing to listen and learn take the chip off my shoulder and just be part of it. I tell you something now, when 17 out of 20 happens, I say to myself, what a nice day. I don't concentrate on negative stuff anymore. I'm tired of negative. I'm tire of negative, I'm tiered of losing, and I'm teared of being with losers. Now, I am going to challenge you to do something. Make it. You make it. You beat those odds. Make it together, not as individuals, but as a group. If I lived in this town and you were all from this town, I'd ask you to sign a piece of paper and meet again next year. And I'd asked you to challenge each other to make it. And I would ask you call each other to see how you're doing. I'd have asked you be the class of 82 and to be in the annals of recovery and alcoholism, the most successful class of newcomers A.A.'s ever seen, and that's possible. I was a part of a class of 81-82 where 48 people came in and attended the beginner's class. It was started at the end of 80 and the beginning of 81. I don't know, 80-81, 81- 82. I can't keep them straight. Forty-eight people. Forty-seven of them were five years continuously sober when they had their reunion. One was in prison. I've never seen anything like that before in Alcohol Canal, nor have I ever seen it again. They said when they wrote that book, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly done what we have done. That was true in 1939, and it is true today. Unfortunately, this is the other truth. Rarely do we see anybody do those things. Take this thing out. The enemy is you, not alcohol. Alcohol is the symptom of the problem. Look in the mirror. You're looking at the problem, You can't fix it. He can. Let him. Thank you very much.