Astrid H. on the Disease of Alcoholism, the Infantile Ego, and the Daily Reprieve

About This Speaker Tape

Twin Towers jail, twenty-three times. Astrid H. doesn't mince words about the wreckage. She describes a childhood of chaos and a "no good" label she wore like a garment, eventually crossing an invisible line into a disease that hijacked her plane to Cuba. Her story is a descent from a Harley and pitchers of beer to the grit of the streets, prostitution, and a psychosis where she tried to dig microchips out of her eyes with dollar-store tweezers.

She speaks of the "infantile ego"—the swing between being a queen and a baby—and the horror of being a "meat puppet" while her daughter watched. For Astrid, sobriety isn't a race with a finish line, but a daily reprieve from a "self-talking disease." She identifies as a "scrambled egg" who must surrender her warped thought life to a Higher Power, trading the "knuckle sandwich" for a spiritual blueprint to avoid the void.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Astrid H. opens by expressing her deep connection to the San Fernando Valley area.
• 4:15 Astrid describes her childhood as the 'problem child' and the 'no good' one.
• 8:30 The 'invisible line': Astrid discusses the moment she lost the freedom of choice.
• 15:45 Laughter: Astrid discusses her 'dry' period and the 'drive-by' approach to AA.
• 22:10 Astrid details her time living on the street and her 23 entries into Twin Towers jail.
• 26:40 Astrid describes the psychosis of believing the CIA put microchips in her eyes.
• 34:15 The 'meat puppet' experience: A story about a pregnant woman in a burnt-out house.
• 41:20 Astrid discusses the 'infantile ego' and the Harry T. papers.
• 48:50 Step 1: Astrid breaks down the difference between powerlessness and an unmanageable thought life.
• 55:10 Astrid discusses the necessity of a Higher Power to protect her from her own mind.
• 1:02:15 Astrid reflects on her relationship with her daughter, Mackenzie M., and her current professional success.
• 1:06:00 Applause: Astrid concludes her talk and thanks the chair, Don.