An Amends with No Motive Is the Only Kind That Actually Works – Billy A.

About This Speaker Tape

Billy A. shares at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting, celebrating almost two years sober with a June 15, 2013 sobriety date. He was born in 1959 in Naples, Italy, to military parents — a raging alcoholic father and a non-drinking churchgoing mother. All five of his father's siblings were alcoholics: an aunt found dead in a basement chair, an uncle drowned in a catfish pond, another in and out of rehab, and a minister uncle dry but unpeaceful. He describes the Jekyll-and-Hyde violence of his father, including nights pulling his drunken dad off his mother as she was backed into corners.

His own drinking started at 14 in Opp, Alabama, where his family moved before ninth grade. He wrecked four cars in high school — including T-boning a carload of women turning into the skating rink with a case of Pony Miller on the seat — yet never caught a DUI or real consequences because his parents bailed him out. Three marriages followed: a born-again Christian he hoped would fix him, a 17-year partying marriage that produced his two children, and a third in Atlanta to a high-school girlfriend who had no idea he was buying coconut-flavored vodka minis from three rotating liquor stores at 10:30 a.m.

The turning point came at the Alibi in Valiant, Oklahoma — a BYOB pool bar his customer Willie warned him away from. After a night of tequila shots and running his mouth, he was beaten unconscious, jaw broken in five places, nose laid flat to the side, face unrecognizable. Even that didn't stop him. A therapist finally told him plainly: you're an alcoholic, you need AA.

On the Friday before Father's Day he walked into Primary Purpose, sat by the door, and cried through the whole meeting. He did 250 meetings in his first 90 days. A year in, he made an amends to his third wife at Starbucks with no motive beyond saying sorry — and she emailed after to say she'd like to meet again. They're now dating and planning to remarry. She told him: you weren't angry anymore, you weren't making excuses. He just showed up in his own life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting opens — Jeff welcomes the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers at the NABBA Club
• 2:30 Billy introduces himself, June 15, 2013 sobriety date, grand-grand-sponsor lineage through Joe B.
• 5:00 Mother Teresa married to George Jones — the dichotomy of raging-alcoholic dad and churchgoing mom
• 7:00 All five of dad's siblings alcoholics — Aunt Peggy dead in basement chair, Uncle Paul drowned in the catfish pond
• 11:00 Chattahoochee camping trip — dad floors the boat still tied to the tent peg, drags the tent down the river
• 14:30 Twelve years old, wedging himself between drunk dad and mom backed into the bedroom corner
• 18:00 Ninth grade move to Opp, Alabama — platform shoes and paisley bell-bottoms meet Levi's and short hair
• 22:00 High school wreck — Pony Miller in hand, T-boning a carload of women turning into the skating rink
• 30:00 The Alibi in Valiant, Oklahoma — beaten unconscious, jaw broken in five places, calling Willie from deer camp
• 42:00 Amends at Starbucks to third wife — no motive but to say sorry, leading to them dating again a year in