Acting Your Way Into Right Thinking — Steven W.

About This Speaker Tape

1994. A parent's birthday and a bedroom floor. Steven W. describes the moment he tried to "go to sleep" for a year by injecting himself with insulin, hoping to wake up after his legal troubles had been sorted by his mother

. He didn't wake up; he convulsed until he was dragged back from the brink. A former Eagle Scout and honor student, Steven spent years trading the pages of Boys Life for the life of a "lowlife," chasing the image of the cool guys on motorcycles.

He earned his seat in AA through a wreckage of totaled trucks, buck knives, and a blood alcohol level of .35. He recalls the arrogance of thinking he was "high class in the lower echelon," treating the Big Book like a textbook to argue with sponsors. It took a "dragon lady" counselor and a woman in a meeting who called him "just another little drunk" to break his pride.

He stopped acting the part of the outlaw and started acting his way into right thinking.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Steven W. introduces himself and discusses his childhood desire to be an outlaw
• 11:45 Discussion of his early career at PSE&G and the culture of drinking in the trade
• 16:10 Recounting a DWI accident on McCarter Highway and a night in the Green Street Jail
• 22:30 A second DWI and an altercation where he punched a car window in a blackout
• 30:15 Details on his failed first attempt at sobriety and returning to drinking
• 36:50 Recounting a violent altercation involving a buck knife and subsequent hospital stay
• 44:10 The insulin overdose suicide attempt and his subsequent rescue by his parents
• 52:40 Treatment at Parkside Lodge and the influence of the 'dragon lady' counselor
• 58:15 Entering an Oxford House and the mentorship of his sponsor Tommy Taylor
• 1:05:20 Reflection on the relief of the mental obsession and reliance on a Higher Power