A Peculiar Mental Twist and the Solution – Don M.

Our main speaker, Don Maxwell from Valley Village, California. Good evening, everyone. My name is Don. I'm an alcoholic. And happy to stand before you tonight. Well, happy to be able to stand up on a Thursday night. It used to be that way. I don't know about you guys. Welcome to the newcomers. I'm sorry that there weren't any birthdays, but in a way it's good because I'll be able to include all my wives in my story. I mean, you know, when you think about it, when they were reading Chapter 5, it says that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. And I didn't quite get that from the get-go. And I thought if I had that right girl and the right job and if people would just respect me, you know that things would—I wouldn't have to go out and do the things. And if I would have just read that, I would be happy and lots of ladies. I don't know. I'm from Los Angeles, Valley Village. You know, it's the San Fernando Valley. I don'T know if I have the record in here. It's Las Vegas. I don' t know ifI have the records for most wives, but I was counting it up on the plane. And in my lifetime, in my life time, I've had eight wives. I know. No. Only three of them were mine, all right? You know, so you can see that I am a substance abuser. You know and I respect, you know I'm an alcoholic. I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous at Radford. I met a young man over there who knows Larry who knows Radford in North Hollywood and it was a great, great place and there I was taught what you guys talk about here. I was taught about service and about how I can feel better. It tells me in this book that nothing will so much ensure immunity from the first drink as intensive work with another alcoholic, and so I learned that early on. I have a great sponsor, and he taught me that early On. I got to alcoholics, and I'm sober since 1981. I now have been sober as long as I drank, and I never thought that that would happen, and next year I move ahead if I keep doing what I was doing. And but I started drinking young. I was 17 when I took my first drink, which would make me kind of a lightweight these days. But I remember I got it. My dad wouldn't let me drink. And you know, he when I wasn't when he wasn't around, then I was able to to do whatever I wanted. And I took that first drink and it went down and it felt so good. I don't know why I would be explaining this to you guys. It's silly. And for the first time in my life, I stood up and I felt like I was 6'2", and I could take, I'm already 6'4", but it made me feel like I'm 6', I can take the world on. And I was to do what I was going to do for the next 21 years, I was to say, if one drink makes me feel this good, what do you suppose two drinks will do? And three, and four. And newcomers, we're glad you're here tonight because you hear the stories. You heard Stephanie earlier, and she talked about it from a lady's side of the aisle. And, you know, it's really important because the fact of the matter, and it mentions this in this book, how alcohol affects the women harder than the men. And it's been proven about 10 years ago that they came up with it, that women are, you know, I don't know if you have it here. I'm sure you do. North Las Vegas, we have Skid Row. And you just don't see very many women on Skid row because women can't last. The men just seem to be, you now, they're a little tougher. And here's the other thing. You know, a man gets to be 20 years old and he's drinking. It's, you known, a little bit off. But, you know, as he gets older, you know, it's just how quaint. But a woman that's drinking somehow is treated differently than a man. And I know you women understand that. And so the deal is, is if you're in here and you're sober and you have these men and women around you who are staying sober, might be a good idea because, you know what's out there is out there. You know, I don't want to go back out there, you know, and I did some terrible things in my lifetime. You know that you hear people a lot of time saying I'm not a bad man getting good. I'm a sick man getting well. I got to be honest with you, I am a badman getting good, you know. I was, I used to get arrested all the time and the thing with the women and the jobs and the this and I had that alcohol. I had what Bill Wilson calls in this book a peculiar mental twist. And it's about the second step. It's about that insanity. But I like it better if you came up to me after I finished out and you'd say, Don, I liked it but you're insane, my feelings would be hurt, all right? But if you said, hey, Don, you've got a peculiar mental twist, I'll say, well, thank you very much, and I'm glad to see you. And that's it, you know? And the thing is, here we are in Alcoholics Anonymous, and you knew people that stood up and the rest of us in here that there's some good news. And the good news is you don't have to ever, ever, ever take another drink as long as you live if you don' t want to. And you know what? There's better news. You don't have to ever, ever, ever take another drink of alcohol even if you do want to. Because here's what you do. When you want a drink, you call one of us. You know? My Chapter 12 men stag on Monday night, most spiritual bunch of men I've ever seen in my life, but let a wet drunk come in there. Oh, what's he doing in here? You know, Alcoholics Anonymous. You know it's for people that drink too much, you know. But the thing is, you know, that we have a solution. And, you And it's available in this town. I know it for a fact, and the state of Nevada, they do sell it. There's a medicine for alcoholism, and it's called alcohol. And it is really, really good except for the side effects, going to jail and not going to Costa Rica and all those things and a few wives and this, that, and everything. And I don't know if anyone – I hope everyone has got a job, but if you are ever home watching afternoon television, I know you guys have it up here, and you see this lady, and she's all depressed and everything. And then she takes something, whatever it is, and she takes it, and then she's out in the park, and her dog is there, and everyone is happy, and oh, it's so great. And at the end of it, it says, could cause dizziness, drowsiness, or anal leakage. And that's a little bit like alcoholic... You know, that's what's going to happen with alcohol. I mean, I don't know about you. Look, it's easy for me because I'm from out of town. I'm leaving. I don't mind telling you. It's okay, you know. It doesn't bother me, you Know. But it hasn't happened in the longest of times. You know, I used to go to jail too. Some of you were talking about, I think Stephanie was talking about insanity and I don' t think you'll know what it is up here. You may have heard of it. There's a mental hospital in California called Camarillo and it's a big state mental hospital and I've been there twice. So when I came here, step two was no problem for me. You know, and I saw a couple of people laughing. It's okay, but I have something that probably a lot of you don't have. I have a certificate of competency from the state of California. I have two of them, okay? And signed by Governor Pat Brown, and he's dead, and Camarillo is close. So, you know, I have these two, andI'm thinking, you now, things are going pretty good for me, but if they get real bad, you knoW, can you say eBay? Someone would buy that, I'm sure of it, you kow. But the thing is, you know, I used to go to jail, and the strange thing is I got sober. And from the day I got sobre until this day right now, I haven't spent one night in jail. I haven'T spent one nighT in a mental institution. And it might have a little bit to do with not drinking. I got to Alcoholics Anonymous a long time ago. I got here in 1969, and I'd be an old-timer by now except for the not drinking part. You know, I liked Alcoholics Anonymous, a lot of good-looking ladies and all that stuff. And I got here. I was sent by the court, and I don't know if you guys get that. But this one wasn't my fault. It was my girlfriend's fault that I got arrested. And I can hear the snickering out there, and i'm going to tell you the story, and you see if you don't side with me instead of her. Okay, it was 1969, andIi was keeping my machine gun over at her house And this was long before automatic weapons were in style. In Vogue, I'm a man ahead of my time, and she got mad at me for whatever reason, and she said, leave, and She says, take this with you, and so I took it. You know, I would have been okay except for if I would Have just gone out and opened my trunk, put the gun in the trunk, did it, breathed, and tried to drive home, but except I didn't have a car. I meant to have a car you know in this book it says we all have moral and philosophical convictions galore but we cannot live up to them even if we wanted to one of my philosophical convictions was it would be nice to have the ability to have car and I had a few cars and the fact of the matter is from the time I was 16 until I got to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1981 I had lot of cars but they always had a woman's name first followed by registered owner over here, you know, which means they either gave, starting with my mom, of course, you know, like you do, and then down the line, which means that they either gave me the car or signed for the car, which pretty much the way I drank meant they were giving me the car. And I always meant to pay them, you know. I always used to like to go out to bars to drink. I don't know if there's not a requisite that you're a bar drinker. A lot of people drink at home. I'm a bar drinker, so I'm not a bar drinker at home, but I like to go out there and I have an ego about the size of Wisconsin. And I used to like to go in there, you know, and have a few drinks before, you know from a bottle that I'd gotten from Tijuana, you Know the cheap stuff and then go in There and because you know drinks were 75 cents in those days and you know for a shot and and I'd go in There and I like to get in front of a Smoked mirror, you Know and I looked you know I'm young and I look pretty good and you Know cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other and every once in a while I'm looking for ladies, okay, because I love women. And every once in a while a woman would come across the room and she'd say those words that made me know that one more time I still had it. She'd say something like, Do you care to buy a lady a drink? And I knew that one More Time my charm has exuded across the world. And if I had any money, I'd buy her one, you know. And sometimes they'd stay and sometimes not. And maybe I was charming, maybe not. And, you know, every once in a while a woman would take a real shine to me and she'd say it's 10 o'clock. And I said, well, let's go over to my house. I have some brandy and a fireplace. I say, well wait a second, we still have four hours to drink. And some of them would leave and some of em would stay and, you know, they'd go on and on. And what would happen to me is, you know, I'd stay around and, you know I used to when I got here I used to was bragging to my sponsor about what a studly kind of guy I was. And then he sent me to this book and He said, yeah, well, you know, we have a room full of studly guys like you and we have a page just for them. It's page 69. I said, what? You know, and sure enough, you've read it and sex is on 69. And I don't know this for a fact. I can never prove it. But you know chapter 3, more about alcoholism. Do you think we need to know more about alcoholism? I don' t know. But I think they put chapter 3 in there so they could put sex over on page 69 I'm not sure that that happened. It could have happened. But then I open that up, and I'm expecting to see how I'm going to get more women in my life. And it says that I cannot be selfish, dishonest, and inconsiderate. And I cannot unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness. I don't know about you guys, but that cuts out about 96% of my action right there. What in the world is going to happen if I tell a woman who I really am? And so, you know, we lie and we do the things. And that's why part of the inventory is the sexual problems that we have. And it asks us to put down the people we harmed and what we think we did. And then it says something really interesting. What should we have done instead? And thereby we're building our sound and sane ideal sex life. And so when I got here, remember I said I wasn't too good a guy? I had to become a gentleman. I always wanted to become an gentleman. And I had look around to you guys, you men who were around here and who behaved like a gentleman. And I had to learn to behave like a gentlemen in Alcoholics Anonymous at 41 years of age. And I see the ladies come in, and it just excites me. And I say them come in and they're down, and then they get maybe their first job or their first date, and the women loan them a sweater and a pair of shoes and a matching purse and everything and teach them how to do the makeup. And women get sober. They get a higher power of their very own through working the 12 steps. and they insist on being treated like a lady. And that's who I want to hang out with. That's who i always wanted to be and I never ever knew how. I never got up and said gee I think I'll go down to the bar and get arrested today so they can spray me with DDT. You know not something that I wanted to do you know but I'd go to these bars and I think if I found just that right woman that I'd be fine and sometimes they would stay till two o'clock and the guy'd be throwing you guys don't know what two o´clock is we close our bars at two o'clock. Can you imagine that? What a concept, you know? And so they're throwing you out at two and I'd be pounding on the bar saying, my watch says that it's three minutes until two. I have a constitutional right to drink further into the night. And they'd say, Don, please, you go home and take her with you. All right. And so, you Know, occasionally they'd stay. And since I remember, I told you, I get to go back to Los Angeles and I'm not embarrassed about anything. I'm going to tell you the real truth. And we'd go out and we'd look, you know, your car or mine. I always said your car because I was never sure if I owned one or where I had parked it. So I always made sure. And sometimes, and this will be hard for you to believe, but when I drank too much, I wasn't that great a lover. I know, I know it staggers the mind and it was not a pretty sight it was like trying to shove a marshmallow into a light socket not something that you'd be able to All right, you guys, but it was a big marshmallow. And one time this happened to me in Burbank. This was going on. I was a little bit too drunk, a little bit too coked up. And, you know, it happened. And I'm not the first guy, you know. Macbeth, you know, there are three things that drink provoke. Minister Lettrie knows painting urine, it provokes the act, but takes away the performance. and it was happening to men ever since we've had the bubbly or the doesn't even have to bubble just so it's got some alcohol in it. And with this girl, and it happened, the thing, and I said to her, gee, this has never happened to me before. And I wish you guys could see it from up here because all the girls are going, yeah. And all the guys are going shut up, Maxwell. I said, gee this has Never Happened To Me Before. And you know what she said? She said, yes, it has, Don. You were with my cousin last week. So I drank at her, I'm telling you. And that's what we do. You know, I love women, but I'd rather drink alcohol. I have the allergy of the body, which means that when I take that alcohol in, I'm going to want more. I have The Obsession of the Mind because I want to go chase that thing because alcohol does something different for me. Normies, if we have any normies in here or alanines in here, when you drink it will do something to you. When I drink and those other people that raise their hand, it does something for us. Let's just stand tall. Let us not be afraid, you know. It makes us a man or a woman. And that's good except, you Know, when you go past the deal. And I could never, I always would juggle. I did drugs too, and I'm not going to talk about drugs. In fact, they're different. And if you don't know they're different, there's a new people I'll tell you there's a difference. We don't do either. But like an alcoholic, well, I don't know which way downtown is, but I'm going to point this way, OK? So play along. You go downtown and alcoholic, steal your money, go downtown, get drunk, come back and say, man, I'm so sorry I stole your dough and I swear to God I'll pay you back first of the month when my SSI check comes, I'll pay you back. That's it. That's an alcoholic. Drug addicts steal your money, go downtown, get loaded, come back and you know what? He will help you look for the money. And that's the difference. And it's a small difference but it doesn't matter because alcohol is only mentioned in the first half of the first step and Alcoholics Anonymous and a power greater than ourselves is like penicillin and if I have pneumonia, it's going to kill me and I have a little infected hangnail when I take that medicine for the pneumonia you in my chest, it's going to take care of that hangnail. So those 12 steps are going to take of the other things that are bothering us. That's proved by the number of different kind of 12-step programs we have around. It is about getting in touch with a power greater than yourself. I had the pleasure of talking with a new guy and he says, is there one thing that you could say would be the most important thing? And I said to him, yeah, probably try and get in touch the power greater than yourself because I can't help him. Probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. And he doesn't understand me, or I don't understand how he drinks. And the deal is, and that's what they told us. You know, it's interesting. These guys were great when they wrote this book. In the first, they say, you know, we're 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body in the introduction. And after they got us in there in the fifth chapter, they tell us that the main purpose of this book is to get us in touch with a power greater than ourself that can solve our problem lots of us have a power greater Than Yourself I was one of those guys but I didn't have one that could solve my problem and what is a God that can Solve My Problem one with whom I'm working one with who I'm getting up in the morning and doing an 11 step so we have these steps and I and I don't need to go through the steps for you yet that's why we have sponsors tells us in here in chapter too. You know, if you're new or if you're looking for a new sponsor or something or you're floundering, when therefore we are approached by someone in whom the problem has been solved, there's nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. And I've talked, I had dinner with some of these guys tonight and I can only speak for the men. Well, there was a great example, Stephanie our speaker, if your women are like that you help one another. You help one other. When you're approached by someone on whom the problems have been solved And if you pick up the tool and hold it funny, they might say that's good. But, you know, if you hold it like this, you'll have a lot better luck. And that's what's happened, the guys that have gone before. That's what they did for me, and that's my job. So finally, you Know, I drank for the 24 years, and I went through the wives and the stories, and there's just hundreds of just fascinating stories to me. I don't know about you guys. But, You know, the deal is we get sober. And you were talking about it, You Know. What happened? Well, what happened was I saw a television show where one of the characters that I identified with, because he was a studly kind of guy and the women liked him, and I was younger, so look 24 years ago. And he was drinking too much, and his boss said, if you don't get sober, you're out of here. And I had been to that Alcoholics Anonymous meeting behind, oh, the machine gun beef. Yes, they did catch me, and I went to court, and I had got an attorney paid for by the woman that had kicked me out from Dickens & Shyster or something. I was convicted of brandishing a firearm in the city limits, all right? and I was in jail for 44 days and I had to go to six AA meetings. Pardon me, it's hot in here. And if I'm sweating, and I'm sorry I'm sweaty, but if I don't, I will explode up here and take out that whole front row there. And if we think this is hot now, let's just go back to what we were doing before and we'll know what hot is sooner or later. So the deal is is that I got these six AA meetings, and I went to Radford. And they were nice, you know, a bunch of lames, gray-haired old guys like myself. I did notice there were some nice-looking ladies. That was pretty cool. But, you Know, I wasn't ready to quit. And some nights I'd go and drink and some nights not. And I thought, You know, A bunch of Lames. And I was so lame that I didn't realize that you could sign your own court card, you know? I mean, you can't do that now if there's anyone that has that because we have computers that check those. We cross-reference them from California, Arizona, and everything, so make sure you get the right, okay? And so I'm getting my court card signed, and I went off for 11 years, and there I am sitting watching this Hill Street Blues episode, and I start crying. I'm in Beverly Hills in a beautiful home and with a woman that really cares about me, and I'm crying. And she says, what's the matter? I said, it's because this guy who is a fictional character is going to get sober and I am going to die drunk. So I made a decision right there. I stood at the turning point. I made the decision, and then I got the phone, and they called, and they said, yeah, Don, you know, come on down, and we're having a stag meeting, and you'll be a little bit afraid to meet the guy. What are you talking about, pal? I'm not afraid of nothing. when you see that door get dark that means I walked through it and I was scared to death and I would have made it down there I had moral and philosophical convictions galore I was going to go down there except I opened the refrigerator to make a sandwich and there was a Foster's Ale in there and remember what your mom told me there were guys in Sydney on the skid row that would kill for that Foster's Al so I drank it and I Was out for another three months or something like that And finally, how I finally got there is we were doing a deal. Excuse me, my voice cracked. I didn't mean for that to happen. It would make me look weak, you know. We were doing these things where we would get these gals in. I had since gotten a job in show business, and that was great. And we'd gotten these gels, and we were dealing with them. We were dealing these videotapes with them, not what you're thinking right now. We were during scenes to show to casting people, all right? And I swear to God that's the truth. And we were just ripping these gales out. We only did girls, too, by the way. We didn't care about actors. We just wanted the girls so that we could teach them how to be actresses and whatever else they needed to learn about Hollywood and how to get forward in Hollywood. And this one was a bad guy getting, you know, I told you. So the thing is, I'm just hating myself. We're lying to this girl, and we got her for another $500, and she couldn't act, which is not a crime, bytheway. We're taking money from this girl and she's all excited because she's seen us on television and everything. And I just wanted to kill myself. I got a six-pack, and I went home, and I sat down at my desk. And my desk has a big hat. I'm not in that place anymore. A big window. And at night, you know, when it's early in the morning, you can see yourself. And I saw myself, and I just hated myself. I hated myself so bad that I decided that I was going to kill myself. And I thought, well, you you know what, not too many people know I'm here, and I want to at least look good. So I decided to get my officer's Marine uniform out with the medals and my nickel-plated pearl. I was never in the service, all right? Let's be honest. That would have been cool, right? And then I was going to overdose, and oops, I had already done that on Wednesday, all right, so I couldn't do that. So I'm looking around the house, and finally I come up with it, my instrument of demise, a six-inch serrated Ginzu steak knife. Good for a lifetime, guaranteed. And this one was going to make it. And you know what? I had done this suicide thing before. And by the way, don't say, oh gee, that guy from Los Angeles is talking about it. Don't go home and do this, all right? It'll make me look bad, okay? And I've cut my wrist before and it's stupid because it doesn't kill you and it just hurts like hell when you put your watch on the next day when you sober up, you know? So don't do that. But I had heard someone say that if you'll just cut your throat, you'll quietly go to meet your maker. And I thought, I like that one, you know? And I'm thinking about it. I'm saying, wait a second. You know, they're going to take me. I have no one's going to claim the body. I'll just go to the morgue and, you know, we'll see what happens. They don't do anything. They just, they don't even sew you up. They just sort of baste you, you know? And I didn't want to look bad. So I'm thinkin', you know, I'm gonna kill myself. I have a peculiar mental twist, but I'm not stupid, all right? I'll just open the collar and cut real low, you know, not as low as Lorena Bobbitt cut. But at least, you Know, and here's the thought. And you guys can laugh at me, and it's not going to hurt my feelings at all if you laugh at me. I'm thinking at that time where I'm preparing to die, that every woman that I ever kissed was thinking about me. And that's how you guys got me. because two days later I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I walked into Radford, and I was already engaged to this lady in Beverly Hills who, by the way, is a member. I 12-stepped her, and she's now a member in good standing in the Los Angeles Pacific group. And I feel really, really glad that I was able to make up for some of the stuff that I did for her. I'm engaged, but I'm coming to Alcoholic Anonymous because I remember those girls were there, and lots of them had jobs. You know what I'm saying? And I'm thinking, well, this would be good. I'm looking to upgrade is what I was doing, you know. And I wasn't exactly a vision for you. And I came in and I don't know what I heard or whatever, and they just said keep coming. You know, I remember when we were doing the Lord's Prayer at my very first meeting that I was attending, and we were dealing with the Lord of Prayer and I knew most of the words, and at the end they went like this, you know, keep coming back. And I was thinking, because I'm a newcomer, I'm thinking they're talking to me, you Know. I thought it was like the wave, and they would just wave around the room until it got into me. And I thought, well, if they want me back this much, I'll be back tonight. And I started coming and started coming, and I met a man by the name of Cliff P., in whom the problem had been solved. And he was just a gruff old ex-boxer who was as sweet as could be. And he got me immediately into this book, and he started getting me to come to meetings. And by this time I had no car, pretty usual for me because I already told you how I did things. And he would come all the way from Burbank over to Sherman Oaks where I lived and he would take me to a meeting. And at first I thought he might be gay, you know. And I'm sure I was really an attractive looking thing when I got here. And I was old and run down. So, you Know, but that's how the mind works, you Now. What happened was he saw a man who was dying from the disease of alcoholism, and he tried to help me. And he got me into this book immediately. And the thing about Cliff that I love, and he's still my sponsor, still my sponsor, and the thing I love about him is at the end of the meeting, like I'm looking out here, there's some beautiful women in this room. But at the ending of the evening, my sponsor Cliff would be in this room, and we'd be talking about alcoholics anonymous. And he'd be going to find one of those new guys that had maybe one tooth and talking to him about Alcoholics Anonymous. And I got that man, and I started trying to behave like him. Started trying to be like Cliff. And I'd be there, and every once in a while he'd say, and what do you think, Don? And I would go, oh, well, I've been sober for three months, and I like it. It's pretty nice. And I read a couple of chapters in the big book. And he was so great. And we'd do these 12-step calls and 12-stepped calls. And he sat me down at six months. And, you know, it says in here in Chapter 2, almost no one likes the self-searching, lovingly and prior to the confession of shortcomings the process requires for a successful consummation. And there was that looking for my shortcomings in the fourth step, and he started me out when I was six months sober. And I'm sorry to say, but I'm going to tell the truth up here, I didn't finish it until I was 13 months sober, and he would end. And you know what? Newcomers, you can't fool the sponsors because, you know, how's that inventory come? Oh, it's great, you Know? Now, we know better than that because if someone's doing the inventory, they're calling you up and saying, oh, my gosh, you know what I just found out? You know, I was so mad at her. But it was me. And that's what happens. So we can tell the difference. So stop trying to fool us, all right? Would you do that for me? And the deal is he was so sweet with me. And finally what happened was a fellow by the name of Steve C. came to me. He was a 17-year-old tattooed biker from New Jersey. And he came up to me, and I was 13. I was 11 months sober. And he said, would you be my sponsor? And I said, oh, this is good. The cream has finally risen to the top in alcoholics and omnibus. I'll check it out with Cliff. Just bear with me a second. I went over to Cliff, andI said, Steve wants me to sponsor him. And you know what my sponsor said to me? He said, poor Steve. i said wait what are you talking about so i go to meetings with you we go on 12-step calls i'm there we do this we go to coffee all this he says you can tell steve how not to drink for 11 months but you can't help him with his fourth step because you haven't done one the man had me on a technicality there so peculiar mental twist but no dummy i'm over here writing i'm resentful with my mother because she did this and steve we're powerless over alcohol our lives have become i'm afraid of this there and and you know uh come to believe that power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity could the future condition conditional of can so we're gonna have to do some work here oh gosh what i did to that one oh man i'm gonna haveと apologize to her too geez oh all right and then i'm uh you know we do the third step prayer the decision to turn our will in life over the care of God as we understood. And that's just a decision. Then it will have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a willingness to face and be rid of the things that have been blocking us. And I sat him down, and I told him, we're going to write about resentments, we're gonna write about fears, and we're gunna write about sexual problems. And he says, yeah, what about that fifth step? I said, don't worry about the fifth step. We're guna do that sometime after July 7th, all right? So just relax. And I beat him. I beat Him. And that little 17-year-old guy, who's 40 now, 40 years old, I talked to him a few days ago, saved my life. You just don't know how God's going to talk to you. And so what happened is I had this little teeny Don M. life. I'd been busy my whole life reading my resume, and I was the only one reading it. You know what I'm saying? And I got a man in my life, and it got bigger. And I Got Another Man in My Life, and It Got Bigger. and like this and like this and I got really big life. And I got here and I was a survivor, you know we're all survivors everyone in this room is a survivor and I started listening to you guys for a few weeks and I wasn't sure what to do I was way up here getting by you know and if a survivor walked through that door I could help him out and then I did these 12 steps and I've got a God of my very own and I live way way up there child of God, sober man the only guy that can take me down from there is me And I'm not planning to do it today. But I've got to do this stuff, and I'm not perfect. You know, I have flaws like everyone else. You Know, we were giggling in the car, Kevin and I, about someone that was stated a stop sign for just an inordinate amount of time. And we were saying, we're both better driving when we get an alcoholic in the care with us. And that's me too, because I used to just get after them. You Now, they'd come and I'd trace them and drive them along, and then drive and get up beside them just so I could get that eye contact And the guy looks over and he says, I think the guy in the car next to me has gas over there. So I never made a point. So chasing people and this and that. Newcomers, is there hope for you? There is indeed hope for You. I am a work in progress, and I have progressed, and I absolutely today positively insist on never chasing another human being on the freeway past my off ramp, which is Laurel Canyon, you know. So it's sort of like the old days with the sheriff and everything. If you can make it to Mexico, yeah, okay. And so, you know, I want to get better than that. So, you Know, I'm a work in progress. So I got this amazing thing, and I found out about my resentments. And then it says in here that the people that harmed us were perhaps spiritually sick and putting out of our minds the wrongs they had done, looked for what I had done wrong. And my sponsor would come up with these huge lists of defects of character. And he says, you know what? If God took these defects of character away from you, would you be mad at her? I said, well, no, of course not. I'd be a neat guy if that happened. And he said, hello. And then he told me about fears. And he Said, you write your fears down because if you don't write them down, they're just up in your head running around. You've got to get specific with God. And you tell them to another human being. Why is fear a defect of character? Because fear is not trusting God. And in the third step, we said we were going to turn our will and life over to the care of God. So in a way, it's like lying to God. You know, so we're afraid something's happening. The big book is real clear on page 69. And newcomers, you can go look at this right away. Three paragraphs, the absolute positive cure for fear, for outgrowing fear. And I'll just give you an example. And here's what it says to do in there. Let's just say take fear of financial insecurity because I think pretty much we've all experienced that at one time or another. So this is me, fear of financial insecurity. I say, dear God, please remove my fear of financial insecurity and direct your attention to what you would have me be. What would God have me be? Oh, he has me being a man with this much money in my pocket, these many credit cards, this car in California that, by the way, has my name on it, and the ability to make money, this much money coming in, this Much Money in the Bank, and I go, Okay. And then it says, step two of the fear process is do as we think he would have us. Now, what would my God have a man who's afraid of financial insecurity do? He would have me go to work, all right, pay my bills, be responsible, not buy more than I can afford even though I am an American. And if I am late, even though if I'm late, at least call the people and say, look, I'm later, but here's when you're going to get your dough. And when I tell them that, try and do it. And at once we commence to outgrow fear. Two places in this book where it happens right away. The fear process on 68, at once when you go to God you commence to grow fear. And then in the doctor's opinion, it says that we are restless, irritable, and discontent unless we take that drink that we see others taking with impunity. And at one time, at once, we start to feel that ease and comfort. So God, alcohol. God, alcohol. When I got here, you know what the guys said to me, these smart-aleck old-timers? They said, Don, you're either going to have to live a spiritual life or die an alcoholic death. And I was a newcomer, and I was thinking over the choices there, and I'm thinking, how bad an alcoholic depth are we talking about here? And you know who I'm talking about. If you understand that, you knew what I'm taking about. And so that spiritual thing, it's not so bad. It's kind of cool. And it tells us in that same one in 68, it tells uns that we don't have to be ashamed of our God, you know, because faith means strength. And I want strength. I need strength. I'm powerless over alcohol, so I need the manager to tell me. It's like on a baseball team. You see the base runner out there and he's the most valuable player, but he needs that manager in there to tell him whether to steal or not. And that's what I need. I need God helping me out. And sometimes I can't talk right to God, so I need to have another man tell me. You know, I don't go up inside this head up in Donneville anymore by myself because there's no adult supervision up there. I need a man to kind of talk this over with and bounce it off of. And I have such a man in my sponsor, and I have several such men and men that I sponsor myself. And it's been a remarkable thing. And I remember, and Steve stays sober, and I got another guy. And I do remember the 13 months that I was talking about was when I finally finished it. And just shortly after that, we got a call for a 12-step call, and Cliff wasn't there. And Cliff was like our, you know, Cliff waslike a god to us. He had 16 years, and that seemed like such a long time. And so I called him up, andI said, oh, we've got a guy. I just talked to him. And he says, well, go out and help him. And I said, well, come on down and go with us. He says, I can't, Don. I'm working, okay? And I say, well I can not go. I have only got 13 months. He said, Don, did you read Bill's story? I said yeah. What about it? He said remember when Evie Thatcher came to Bill Wilson he had two months and it managed to work for them, did not it? And again he had me on another technicality. He says but go ahead and get a couple of people and get on out and see if you can help this guy. So I looked around and there was a guy I sponsor who had three months And I got him. He was going to go, and I figured, well, we better have one more guy. And there was a guy, English Bill, 11 days he had. Come on with us. We're going to help this guy. So we got in the car. Well, you know, us, God, and the big book, and we're going. I'm feeling terrific because I'm the head drunk, you know, because I have these guys. Yeah, I'll show them how 12-step means done. And we got over there, and they knocked on the door. And the guy came to the door in an undershirt, and he said, yeah, what do you want? I said, oh, wait a minute. I'm Don. I just talked to you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on in. So we went in. I've lived in some funky places in my life. This place was like from that wall over to here, over to there, a bachelor apartment, okay? And he was going to remain a bachelor in that apartment. And it had a little bathroom in there, and it had an old cat box that the cat had long since beaten, and top ramen in the kitchen unit with the accordion doors, and no furniture. Well, he did have the obligatory cinder block bookshelf, you know, with a copy of The Prophet on there, you know, to attract chicks. And, you know, and he had this mattress over there with no nothing. And so we didn't know. So we're hunching down on the floor. And I'm saying, yes, God has struck me sober. And it's wonderful. And he's going, oh. So I'm thinking, well, maybe he's not my kind of drunk. And I nudge Dave. Dave's got 90 days. and Dave says, well, I used to be in the rock and roll business and I lost my job and now I'm going to Florida to record a record and sobriety is really good and I guess the guy didn't like rock and role and so we had only one guy left English Bill with 11 days English Bill, you're up English Bill came over to this guy looked him right in the face and he said Bruce, if you don't stop drinking you're going to lose all this Bruce was struck sober with that. Now here's the deal, here's the deal. If your sponsor's told you something different, don't do what your sponsor, because he or she knows what's going on. You know that thing about sit down, shut up and listen because you're a newcomer, put cotton in your mouth? You know what? God doesn't know anything about time, because you and I invented time. We human beings invented time. God just sees, if God has something he wants said and looks down and sees two of his kids talking, he'll just put the words into the mouth of whoever's talking because he doesn't care if he's got 24 days or 24 years, you know? So I like to listen. I like to hear those newcomers. I can remember what it's like out there. And so, you know, life went on and I had, you know, these dreams of things happening. My career started getting better. I started showing up for things. I worked in television and movies, and so I have the rare privilege of being able to actually see myself stoned on the screen, you know? And it's not a pretty sight, you think you're so cool, and you're just about one step behind everyone else, and there it is. And it is really embarrassing when someone you sponsor says, Don, I saw you television last night. You were really ripped, weren't you? Yeah. And so the thing is that I'm probably a little better actor now than I was before. And you know what? I'm older now. I can retire. I have my pensions from SAG and from AFTRA and from Social Security, and I take it easy. I now have a woman in my life that I haven't taken hostage, and she's got 21 years of sobriety, and she insists on being treated like a lady. And I like that. We're very happy, and we just celebrated 10 years together in June. And for me, I don't know about you, that's an indoor world record for me. You know, flower to flower to flour, that was my thing. Alcoholics Anonymous makes that possible because we have an AA home, and on Wednesday night we have a meeting of people in our house, and if she could have some women in and I go upstairs and watch television and they work in the big book or I can have some men in and she goes upstairs, it's an Alcoholics Anonymous house. And so neither one of us want to drink. I don't want to drinking because if I would drink, my sister and Terry would have more time than me and my ego is too big to let that happen. So that helps me out, you know. And so, you knows, the things are better and things have happened for me and I had all of these dreams when I was getting sober and before I was being sober. I used to sit on a bar stool And, you know, the problem was my wishbone was where my backbone needed to be. And, You know, The thing is that a prayer that is not preceded or followed by action is a wish. And that's all it is. You know? God, I'd like to win the lottery. Buy a ticket. You see? Thank you. And, You know. And then we'll see if you win. And, You know and that's the deal. So I've got to do something. And if I want something to happen I've Got to make it happen. And I had these dreams when I was newly sober, and I wanted to run a marathon. Not your marathon body here, I'm here to tell you, but I wanted to do it, 26 miles. My sponsor says if you practice, you can do it. I wanted To go to Europe and see some of the art. I love art, and I want to see some Of these things that we see in the books, and I wanted to see him in person. And I wanted to, when I was a kid you know, I'm in show business and I want to see a Broadway show and when I was a kid I used to dance around the house and I'm straight but I could kick high when I was younger and I wanted to see a Broadway show and I wanted to skydive and I wanted to get something for my daughter when she graduated and these were all things all dreams I had and I put some footwork together not in my first year, my second year, and my third year. But later on in my sobriety, it was in my seventh year, I got on a plane with the ticket I paid for with a credit card that had my name on it. I went to New York. I bought standing room only tickets for Phantom of the Opera, 15 bucks apiece. And you stand at this little place where it's got your number. And I saw Michael Crawford do Phantom of the Opera. My very first Broadway show. The next morning, I got up, I ran, and I completed the New York City Marathon. And a little bragging, if I may, the guy that, thank you very much. You're applauding Alcoholics Anonymous. I know you know that. The guy that won the race, one of these little spindly guys from Kenya or something like that, he's sitting back after two hours and 18 minutes. He's got a Laurel Reef, and he's drinking Perrier from his hotel room. Two hours and 18 minutes, I was in Queens waiting. And here's the deal. Anyone can run for two hours and18 minutes, anyone. It takes a sober man like myself to run for five hours and 15 minutes. And I got to send my daughter to New York because now I know New York on my next trip and I had a frequent flyer miles that I hadn't spent somewhere, and I got to send her to Hawaii with her friends from the graduation. I got the skydive, and one of the men I sponsored was getting married, and instead of not telling me where the wedding was, he asked if I'd be his best man. And I said, I will be your best man, where's the wedding? He said, it's in Rome. And at 47 years old, I bought with my own money my first tuxedo. I got my first passport. I got on a plane with the ticket I paid for with a credit card that had my name on it, and I flew off to Rome to stand up with these kids. And when I was in Rome, I met a Roman. No, I meant an Italian, I guess technically. And because I treated her like a lady, she invited me to come back. and I'd never been to Europe before in all those years and now in the last 24 years I've been there 11 times and I know I'm going to go again it's a neat deal and I got to skydive in Hawaii and you guys are saying well you know something Don it's hot in here and we're glad you got your fat butt around 26 miles and we'RE glad Heather got to see Michael Crawford and weRE glad your parachute opened but what does this have to do with Alcoholics Anonymous and not drinking I'm going to tell you. Ah, nothing. Well, wait a second, wait a second. Unless you happen to be a man or woman who had the disease of alcoholism, who wandered through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, found another man or women in whom the problem had been solved, worked the 12 steps of Alcoholic Anonymous and got in touch with a power greater than yourself of your very own. And then you see it has everything to do with Alcoholics Anonymous and sobriety. And it doesn't matter how much time you have, you can do it today. It's called the 11th step. I'm going to show you how to do it. It's on page 86. You go home tonight or wherever you are tonight. You thank God for AlcoholicsAnonymous. You thank god for this wonderful group. You thank g-d for whatever job you have or don't have. You thank G-d that the friends are trying to help you. Lay your head down on your pillow tonight, and you, let your dreams begin. Thank you.