A New Attitude Toward Liquor – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 16 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Good evening, I'm a recovered alcoholics on Big Book Tim. Last week's rant, I believe, ended with the 10-step promising, very exciting, which are on page 85, so I'll backtrack a little up to page 84 because I think it's important to address it a little further. at the bottom it says after love and tolerance of others is our code our code so and then he goes on to say we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol and here's the first promise for by this time sanity will have returned that's pretty exciting we will seldom be interested in later if tempted we recoil from it as if from a hot flame so you know again it's reflexive at that point it's no longer something that we have to like really wrestle about you know we don't have to think the drinks through shit happens man you know like how or no oh that's alcohol no that'll kill me or it'll make me suffer so I don't have to do that anymore and then he says we react sanely and normally well how is that possible I thought we're going to be alcoholish and crazy and insane the rest of our lives and I'll never be normal well that's not what this is so and we will find that this has happened automatically so that's pretty cool so I don't really have to do a lot of work for that to happen it just happens right most of the time she's usually getting out of her way is really it you see we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part it just comes and like I said last week when they say stick around until the miracle happens well here's where the miracle happens. It says quite clearly, that is the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel that we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. That's pretty amazing. How is that possible that an alcohol problem does not exist for alcoholics? Well, we know why. I've been talking about it for this is my 16th week I've been talking about it's about God and this book has been saying it through the entire way. And he said we are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. So ultimately once again the restatement of it becomes if we have God first and we're God centered instead of me centered then I'm at a place of neutrality. I'm safe and protected. I almost have like this this nice bubble around me, right? This protective bubble that keeps me away from alcohol. And the nice thing about it is I don't even worry about it because alcohol can come my way and it just can pass, right on my eye because I have a new attitude toward it. It's not something that's desirable for me. It doesn't make me go, oh, you know, I really like that, you know because I'm reacting sanely and normally because the same person knows that stuff that's poisonous and like somebody who's allergic to peanuts knows, ah, I shouldn't have a peanut. They don't go, no, I don'y really like a peanut or maybe they do I haven't seen anybody do that but you know it's one of those things that is sort of unique to addictions in general but certainly with alcoholics the very thing that is going to kill us is the thing that we want the most that we think, our twisted and warped thinking is our solution so what's nice is that we've done all this work so by this time that thinking will be completely different we'll react sanely and normally we don't swear it off would you like a drink? no thanks and it's not even like let me tell you why I need to tell you all these stories why I don't drink it's just no no problem there's I was trying to remember what the hell I wanted to say old baser new attitude toward liquor has been given us when we thought on our part so if I'm still thinking about I have to avoid the drink if I am still there and I am wrestling with it it means that I have some reservation somewhere so once again I am stuck on step one I am not saying yet my thought process is still way back there that I have some sort of reservation or lurking notion somewhere that I'll be immune to it, you know. And it's just, I've got to go back and do more work because something, I missed something. I definitely missed something, you now. The problem being removed for an alcoholic. One of my experiences was, you kno, I was doing an intake with a new counselor I was dealing with. I had to meet with them. and they want to know your history and they wanna know why you're here and all this fun stuff so I'm telling them and I got to this and I was sober at the time I think 18 years and I said and I'm a recovered alcoholic he says okay you're a recovering alcoholic I said no I'm an recovered alcoholic and then he began to expose how much he didn't know about alcoholism to me so he said well, I thought you're always recovering. I said, well, you thought wrong. And he said, well, that's what they say. I said well, they are wrong. And so immediately we had a contentious relationship because this was somebody who didn't understand the basic thing about alcoholism. And he's in the field and I've talked about this a few times that even within the field of psychology and psychiatry the diagnosis for alcohol dependence which is where I fall under has qualifiers. And that once you have exhibited no symptoms of that for 12 months, you are in full remission according to those people who say we have a disease. So once I'm at that point, the problem has been removed. I'm in full remission. But yet here's a man who just argued with somebody who says he's recovered for 18 years. Oh, no, you're really not yet. So obviously he hasn't opened this book. You know, and here he is but letters after his name, and he's going to treat me. So that relationship terminated fairly quickly. So then Bill talks about fit spiritual condition. You know, I talk about this all the time, you know, the difference in constantly going to God and working that out and working that out, and is it me? Is it God? Is it me or is it God or is It me or Is It God? You know am I being selfish? Am I being Selfish? Am I Being Selfish?, you know that's how I work out my spirit. and then this next this is one of the few places of the big book that I wish was never written because this was a CYA you know, this was to protect everyone and keep AA away from being open for litigation you know it was really that kind of thing so he says it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action rest on the laurels we are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol as a subtle foe We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. So now, right there, so that's where we're going to get all these arguments now. Okay? Because we have in all these other places, and I've been talking about it since week one, about being recovered, that we've become recovered, which is a synonym for cured. The co-founder, Dr. Bob, in his story refers to the other co- founder, Bill Wilson, as being cured. It's right there in the book. It's there. A remedy is a cure. So now we're talking about all these things, but we're not really talking about them, is what this sentence says. We're not nearly cured, but were cured. You know, so it just becomes like, alright, well which is it now? Do we have a disease that we have to cure for, that we can overcome, that we, you know, that мы can have victory over, or are we always going to be a victim to it, and we're always goingto have a disease, and there's no point in really, youknow, like, what are we doing here? so this is one of the places in the book that I just wish was never written because it's also the argument for people you know who are sober 4 days that want to argue with somebody who's sober 20 years and say well you know if I got up earlier than you I'm sober longer no you're not so it opens it up for those kind of things you know so the spirit of it, let's talk about the spirit of it. Because he goes on to continue to expand upon it. He says, every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. How can I but serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are the thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line, all we wish, is the proper use of the will. So now we have some arguments there too, right? Our thoughts, the thoughts that must go constantly. How may I best serve thee, thy will be done. So my thoughts need to be on that line constantly. So it's pretty much the opposite of this is a selfish program. Okay? Because it doesn't say you know, how can I best serve me? My will, not thine, be done! That's not what it says there. It says thy, not mine. So we have that argument there, right? And then we have exercising our will along this line, all we want. Well, how can I exercise my will? Am I supposed to give my will away? Isn't it tough? You know, and I talked about this when we first got to the third step. It's impossible to remove our will. It's just impossible to do that. It's not something that... It's non-dependent. We can't like cut out our will Oh, here's my will. Oh no, I'm going to hand an operation and put it back. It's Just Not That. So it's that misnomer of I took my will back. Because it's always our will. Always. So what we're trying to do is, the proper use of it is exercising our willpower, our power of thought along the lines of how we can best serve God. And so that's what it is. And it's a daily thing. And that's why he talks about because, you know, you can't get drunk on yesterday's alcohol, so you can'T really stay sober on yesterday'S sobriety. Every day you need to constantly be working out that spiritual condition, just like I always talk about with the physical condition if you're not working out physically for too long, you're going to not be in good physical shape so it works the same way spiritually you've got to do the same things alright, so he goes on to continue so much has already been said about receiving strength inspiration and direction from him who has all knowledge and power so that's another reiteration of when we go back to, there's one who has all power, so we have hopefully this connection with a higher power, with our God that we agreed, that we believed could restore us to sanity and that through doing this work has indeed restored us to insanity based on the ten step promises. So we're getting that from him. All knowledge and power. So now he gives us some more stuff. He says if we have carefully followed directions we've begun to sense a new flow of his spirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscious. we've begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further, and that means more action. And there's that word again that he uses throughout the entire book, vital. Necessary for life. So, the sixth sense that's necessary for life is being God-conscious. So, when you go, oh, he's got a sixth sense, okay, well that means he's Got some sort of connection to God. Right? So now, what's the more action, right? Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be very easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. So he's about to give us some instructions about how to do step 11. However, we have prayer and meditation. And that's very confusing, certainly to people who are new to recovery. And in some senses, people who were old to recovery, right? You know, and prayer is simply talking to God, having the conversations, talking to God. And it's usually the self-will stuff. It's usually, all right, God, if you give me this, then I'll do that. You know what? If you get me out of this, I promise I won't speak. You know? It's all that kind of, you know, it's all the, I'm lying now and I'm going to prove bit later by saying promises are meant to be broken, you know? Like those are the prayers generally that are happening in the beginning. And meditation is listening to God. It's just allowing those answers to come, you Know, and it's usually, you know, we could justify our actions by saying, well, I ate all this God's will for me because I did it. You know, I sat and I prayed and I said, this is what I needed to do. And God said, oh no, you've got to go and do that. You know, so I asked for a girlfriend and God put the girlfriend right in front of me and Like, really? Did you, like... Is he really listening on that one? Did you really check it out? Did you have your sex-sign deal done? How about that? Did you discuss that kind of stuff with maybe your network or your sponsors? You know, like, so it becomes this dicey thing. Right? So that's why he's like, okay, we can be vague about it. Just put it down there. Yeah, prayer and meditation. Prayer and meditation is good. But he gives us a promise there also. It works. That's the promise. It works Well, how will it work? Well, I'm glad you asked that. If you have the proper attitude, oh, and there's that thing that we all hate, and work at it. Right? So here's what he says. When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. We don't destructively review it. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves we should discuss with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking about what we could do for others? What we could pack into the stream of life? Now, those are wonderful questions right there. Now, cool thing, he says the stream not my stream or a stream the stream, so there's only one stream of life, right? And then two questions there are once again the complete opposite of this is a selfish program, right? He says it. Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? And if the answer's yes, well, guess what? We're being selfish. And he already said that before. He says, were we selfish? So, and then he says, you know, or were we thinking of what we could do for others? Right? Of what we can pack into the stream of life. So, again, it's about serving God, which is the stream of life, and serving others. Right? So it's about like, what is it that I'm doing? Am I thinking about... No? Okay, good. So then there's more instructions about that. But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. Why? For that would diminish our usefulness to others. And it doesn't say usefulness to ourselves, it says to others, oh, I thought it was a selfish program. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. So, we pray specifically for forgiveness. We pray for guidance of how to fix the wrongs that we've done, how to right the wrong. Based on, were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we own apologies? So, right there it goes back to the same process, It's the same fourth step process of, I am resentful at the cause. What it affects? My part. I'm fearful about what? What does it affect? What's my part? Do I owe an apology? Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness? What should I have done instead? So it's, once again, this process of our nightly inventory of talking to God, listening to God. Reviewing our day constructively so we can be of more use to other people. And he talks about that. Be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. Because, you know, we did that. We did that all the time when we were drinking. You know, it's self-pity. It's fear. It's selfishness. It's selfcenteredness. It's south delusion. Right? It's all that stuff. Self-seeking. And that's because, you know, sometimes I feel good. Sometimes I feel, you Know, it makes me feel good to slip into morbid reflection. Like, oh, my life would be so much better if I had only done... Oh, this is a... And you know what happened to me today? And this always happens to me. You know, it becomes background. So then, well, that's definitely going to diminish my usefulness to other people and how I can help them. So, I can't be doing that, right? so that's the night time stuff right so the process and then the process you know do we keep something to ourselves that we should discuss with someone at once so once again so we have our fourth step a revisit of our fourth step and the fifth step right corrective measures so now then we go through six and seven because we're asking God to remove every single defective character that stands in my way my usefulness to those about me and who I would serve and grant me strength So, that whole process, 11th step takes us back. 10th, 11, takes us Back to 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. It's this nice loop that we got going on. And that's how we do that daily stuff. How do we keep spiritual fit on a daily basis? Well, here you go. Get on the A-A-lytical. So then he's got some morning, or whenever you wake up. Because I can't say morning because it's that kind of judgment. Because there are people who work second shift. so they get up at 12 or they get up at 1 to go to work right so it's nice that he says upon awakening let us think about the 24 hours ahead we consider our plans for the day oh consider that means we're thinking again before we begin here's a prayer we ask God to direct our thinking oh we're thinking again stop that especially asking that if we divorce from self-pity dishonest or self-seeking motives. I thought this is a selfish program. Under these conditions, can we employ our mental faculties with assurance? What's assurance? Wow, that's pretty... And here's why. For after all, God gave us brains to use. Here's more promises. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. So if I'm thinking correctly and if I're thinking about what can I do, what can How can I serve God? And how can I serve these kids and other people? How can I do all this stuff? It's starting to clear away wrong motives. It's starting to clear away what am I getting out of here. It starts to bring me toward, you know, if I do this, if I put this out here, it doesn't matter what I get. It's the right thing. And that's going to refresh me and that's going to move me on. And I know I can be assured about that. And I could walk around not constantly questioning myself because my thought level will be placed on a higher plane. Because I have God in my thoughts. It's not like, what am I going to get? It's like, oh, God's in here. So I can stand a little taller and I can talk a little more confidently. And it becomes that. So then here's more instructions. That's how we wake up. We have how we go to bed. And then we have her in between. Isn't that nice? In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration. So again, we're going to God. An intuitive thought or a decision. More instruction. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Right? So if you're getting to a point where God is in your thought process and God is within your life and you're constantly trying to get God-centered and what can I do? God, God, G-d. It just becomes completely different. It becomes a workable thing and it's a working part of your mind. It's reflexive. You're not even forcing it. It's beautiful. So then he gives us a little warning too, right? Being still in an experience and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. Here's more warnings, right? We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find out our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration when we come to rely upon it. Right? So, if you're doing this thing right, if you've done this deal and you're in this program and you work in the spiritual aspect of things in your life, eventually you can rely on your thinking. You can wake up and you'll be doing this, you're thinking about the 24 hours ahead, you're considering your plans for the day, you're going to God with stuff, and you go out into your day and you don't worry. You're not going, oh my God, I didn't do that. you're just going, and you're doing it because you know God's with you, and God's giving you the strength, that propulsion to do it. Right? So you can do that. You know, and it's not, you know, what, and then it goes back to like some of the nine-step promises, that you know we'll intuitively know how to handle situations which used to be bad for us. So now we have this, and we can think back. I know for me, I could think back on where I was, and how difficult life was, and oh my god, I couldn't do anything, and this was just, you know, and now it's kind of the opposite for me. Like, very seldom do I think like, huh, I wonder if that's wrong. Because my motives are clear. It's not about like, hey, what am I going to do with this? It becomes like, oh no, this is what I need to do because this is, that's what God wants me to do. I mean, you Know, I certainly could have stayed home tonight. You know, and most people would go, yeah, you Now what, I understand that. but this is where God wants me to be. So God gave me the ability to be here. It's as simple as that, right? You know, and I just rely on it. This is awesome, right. So now here's more instructions. We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we'd be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, right, that's part of the prayer, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. That's pretty cool. We ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. And I love that. That's kind of like the bookend of the third step. We have the third-step prayer. we have a seven step prayer in the middle and we have that closing those kind of requests at the end. For me, most of you know I carry this mug all the time and it has the prayer that's attributed to St. Francis. You know so in that prayer he asks for God's guidance and you know where there's hatred let me sow love you know where there is doubt, faith you know it's just beautiful. It says where there despair, hope, right? Asking God, hey man, where there's despair, let me bring hope. Let me be that person for you. You know, that's really cool stuff right there. You know and the other things that are on there that I always like because he said, the second part, he said Master Grant and I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console. He said, be understood as to understand. Not to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we're born to eternal life. So it's all this selfless stuff going on here. We started in the beginning asking God to relieve me of the bondage of self. Take away my difficulties. A victory over them will show other people, right? Other people. Your power. In the middle, we're asking God to remove all defects of character that stand in our way of usefulness to him or her or it. And then at the end, we'll say yes Thank you for that. Let me keep being that channel. Let me keeps being that person that can show what you can do, that shows that you have all power and knowledge. That's awesome stuff, right? And then there's more instruction. He says if circumstances warrant, we ask our wiser friends to join us in morning meditation. Right? So it's not far-fetched for people to gather for prayer and meditation together. That's what it says right there. And then he goes on to say if we belong to a religious denomination, which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. So once again, Bill is saying, hey, you've got to carry this into the affairs of your life. If you decided this is the church you want to belong to or this isthe group you want to belong to, you need to be responsible for that too. That's what he says, right? If not members of religious bodies, you sometimes select and memorize a few prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. So as far as I know, it's outside issues so I apologize for that there's a poet who wrote the prayer of the selfish child now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul will keep if I should die before I wake I pray my toy to break so the other kids can't play with me amen it's the prayer of the selfless child so you know all these prayers it's all about how can I get out of me and be a part of you and be apart of life and be part of not me really it's gorgeous oh look at this there are many helpful books also really so how can we tell people stop telling people about other books it's kind of strange suggestions about these maybe it came from one's priest, minister or rabbi and here I love this I love this sentence, because I hear this in meetings all the time. All the time, the opposite of this I hear. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they have to offer. I've sat in so many meetings that bash the church, bash this, oh, the priest doesn't know, and they don't know their justice. Like, wait a minute, wait another minute. That's like outside controversy for them to be controversial. will. Our job, part of our program of recovery, because we cease fighting anything and anybody, even alcohol, is to be quick to see where religious people are right. Right? Make use of what they have to offer. And why shouldn't we, right? So let me give you more instruction here. He says as we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful. What do we do? We ask for the right thought or action. This is really cool. A guy I heard years ago, he stole this because, you know, he said that, I stole it from someone and I stole It from him. And I love it because you know he said for every second, for every year I stay sober I get another second of pause. Right? So when I'm agitating or doubtful, I pause. And I get almost 22 seconds of pause that's a long time to stop it counts to 22 before doing you know and in that time asking God for the right thought and the right action like oh my god you know before doing something 22 oh my gosh I'm only at 12 so it becomes that and here it is we constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show humbly saying to ourselves many times each day thy will be done thy willbedone you know, the serenity prayer I grant thee serenitude except for things I can't change help me not punch them in the face like those kind of things we are then in much less danger of excitement fear, anger, worry self-pity or foolish decisions. See, so if we if by saying that I will be done and doing this stuff says that we are in much less danger of these things, it means these things are dangerous. That excitement, fear anger, worry, self-pitie and foolish decisions are dangerous for us. They're dangerous. So there's no such thing as a healthy fear. It's dangerous. put it down step away from the fear right thy will be done God's got me I got it God's gotten me I'm scared now let God take it away right since we become much more efficient right we do not tire so easily for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves here's the same promise it works it really does and you know I love this because you know like I'm like this it annoys me to read it it annoyes me to hear it because I don't want to admit to it and it says once again Bill Wilson four word sentence brilliance we alcoholics are undisciplined that's you I am not I go to a meeting every day I make coffee I do this because we alcoholics are indisciplined. That's how it is, right? So here's the solution to that. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we reject outline, the simple ways that outline all of those steps that we just outlined. But this is not all. There's action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12, in case you were wondering. Right? Okay, so the summation of that is that God is in all of the steps. God is In all of those things that we've been doing, that we have been talking about, admitting that we are powerless over alcohol, admitting that our life is unmanageable, fully conceding to our innermost self that we're alcoholic, asking God to remove the reservations that I may have or lurking notions that I might have, being entirely ready, being willing to have a higher power run my life, making a decision, choosing, choosing to allow my thinking and my actions to be turned over to the guidance of that God that I believe in could restore me to sanity. Now, I already admitted that I'm insane, so I can't restore myself to sanity, so something does, so I'm going to turn my thinking and actions over to that, and then I'm gonna find out these things that are keeping me away from God, which is my selfishness, my self-centeredness, my fear, self-delusion, self pity, self seeking, stepping on the toes of my fellows and then retaliating. I need to admit these things to God. I need you to admit them to another human being. I need them to myself. I think they're entirely ready to have God remove them. I need the humbly ask God to remove them because that means it's in God's time and not mine. I have a list of all the people that I've done harm to. I need become willing to make amends to them, you know, a cheerful choice, be eagerly compliant to do that. Go out and make these amends, right these wrongs, discuss them with a sponsor before doing it so it's the best thing for everybody involved so I'm not still hurting people by doing it and moving on. So that by that time I'm free, I get these promises, I got a new freedom, I got new happiness, a feeling of uselessness disappears, I intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me, I can be of service to other people, I have some value and then I continue to do that and I continue to work out my spirit. Why? Because I'm no longer insane. I'm no longer thinking that drinking is going to be the solution to my problems. I now know that God is the solution to all my problems because God has all power. All knowledge, all power so I've got to go to the source of knowledge and the source for power and ask the source of knowledge and the resource for power to expose that to me and exercise my thinking and my actions along those lines to help other people because that's what's going to keep me from going back to being selfish because if I'm thinking about me, I'm thinking about the wrong person. My thoughts need to be constant about other people, about how I can serve God. That's what needs to go on. So I need to be able to sit still and be quiet when I'm doubtful or agitated. I need to being able to pause and just wait. Just wait. And God will give it to me because I'm undisciplined because I just want to go. Oh, this doesn't work. I'm going over here. No, this isn't going to work. I'm doing over here, I mean, you know I look back on a week and I start talking to somebody They say, you know what? This happened to me. This happened to me, this happened to me, what's going on? Why doesn't God like me? Well, maybe because you're not really listening to God. You're still running things on your chest, going and going and going. Well, I have things to do. That's because you're undisciplined. I'm not undisciplinary. I just told you all these things that were going on. Yeah, but where's God in that? God wasn't in any of that. That was all your stuff that you wanted to do so that's what's so important. So, faith without works is dead. So we have to do all that work, all that work. But once again, because it's not a selfish program, we have an entire chapter devoted to the twelfth step, which is having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other alcoholists and to practice these principles in all our affairs. So, if it were a selfish programming, it would be an eleven-step program. We would stop right at eleven, and that's the end of it. because I got it, I got me. Somebody else can take care of 12. So we say chapter 7, working with others. Now, notice it doesn't say sponsoring others. It doesn't saying telling others what to do. It doesn' t say guiding others. It says working with other. And if you've been fortunate enough and blessed to be able to do that, believe me when I tell you, this is work. because what you end up wanting to do is not talking to somebody not listening to somebody you want to be undisciplined you want not to do God's work and we agreed at the beginning to go to any length of victory over alcohol so victory over alcoholic requires work it says it all the time if we have the right attitude if we work at it we won't survive certain low spots in trials ahead if we don't sacrifice and work for other alcoholics, right? So Bill says here, practical experience shows that nothing, nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholists. It works when other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion, colon, carry the message to other alcoholic Yes, you can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember, they are very ill. Now, what does that say? Immunity. Immunity, which means it will prevent forever from affecting you. You know, when you become immune to something. When you get a shot to become immune to some sort of disease. Well, if you're disease-minded and you believe that some sort of inoculation will keep you immune from getting something, well, here it is. Intensive work with other alcoholics. That's the immunity. The immunity from drinking is intensive work with another alcoholic. Because you can pray, and you can meditate, andyou can do four steps, andyou can do five steps, and six and seven and sit around and pray and be pious and I'm praying to God and asking God and asking and asking and asking God's not telling me God's now telling me well are you doing any intensive work with other alcoholics no but why not well I'm not ready what do you mean you're not ready sounds like you're pretty primed and ready all that self going on right because you know that's the awesome part of this you can secure their confidence when no one else can if anybody else has had that experience I just showed you some man with a lot of education knew nothing about alcoholism. Okay, so he's going to sit in a room with somebody who's struggling from alcoholism and not going to be able to secure their confidence because he doesn't understand the way I do. Because he hasn't been given the gift of being an alcoholic and coming through to the other side because God brought me there. He hasn't even given that. That's awesome, right? so I can help those sick people, the sick alcoholics. And here's some 12-step promises. Life will take on new meaning. Life will. To watch people recover. To watch them help others. To watch loneliness vanish. To see a fellowship grow up about you. To have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. Wow, those are some heavy-duty promises then. Helping other people. And this is, I love this, perhaps you're not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. If only that were true. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals. They will be only too glad to assist you. Then he gives us some instruction. Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately, a lot of prejudice exists. Prejudice, prejudgment, right? Now that was the instructions that he got from Silkworth, from Dr. Silkworth. Because Bill wasn't getting anyone sober. And Silkworth said, hey listen man, And, you know, you've got to stop with all the God stuff and go after them that way. Tell them what it was like for you. And tell them, get them in. Get them excited about there's a possibility for recovery. And then tell them how you did it. Don't start out, do you need God? You know what you need? You need God because if you don't have God, you're going to... Because nobody's going to listen to that. I know I didn't listen to it. People told me about God all the time. you know if you have God and just accept this person you should go to this and you do that you know I'm like that didn't work it didn't works it didn' work you know alcohol works blood wise it works and it doesn't work anymore so now what well you can stay miserable so I needed somebody that knew he gained my confidence is what he did he showed me he knew all about drinking he knew all about the problem he knew all about the solution to drinking so I was able to trust him and he laid it on me this book man, here it is and I was like nah, a book can't do it and then he tells you why this is a clear thing he says you will be handicapped if you arouse it if you rouse the prejudice of religion and aspects you're going to be handicaped so you're not going to get there ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics so cooperate, never criticize to be helpful is our only aim now, here's some instruction that's very important for me because I used to do this all the time the opposite of this, when you discover a prospect for alcoholism out of this find out all you can about it it's a prospect Somebody you can sponsor. Somebody that you can sell something to. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. That's a pretty simple... That's direct. Don't do this. You know? Are you done? Do you want to start drinking? All right, listen, you know, sorry, I'm not going to waste time because what's the point? You want to drink? Go drink. You know, that's like trying to pound Melvin to the floor with my head. And why? Here we go. Because you may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient realizing they are dealing with a sick person. And I talk about this all the time. It's amazing that we're in the 21st century and we're still treating alcoholism and addiction as a behavioral problem. That it's just bad behavior. That this is just a problem of substance abuse. That we're just, you know, if you only just, you just need to, just don't drink, go to meetings. Okay, so obviously, well that doesn't work. It doesn't works. I've known tons of people who weren't drinking and weren't going to meetings and got drunk. Or died. Or went out and used drugs and overdosed and died. They're sick people, okay? This illness, this disease, exists in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mood Disorders. So it's classified as an illness. So we're sick. That's what an illness is. We're sick! An illness. Talks about it all the time. Spiritual malady. We have an issue physiologically that affects us mentally. That's why insanity is. It's a deficiency of sound thinking. But hey, we can be restored to sanity. Well, that's pretty cool. We have a solution by which we can be restored sanity. There aren't many mental illnesses that promise that. Okay? We promise one. So that's really cool. Right? So somebody wants to stay sick, don't argue with them about wanting to stay safe. It's simple. We can't do that, right? If there's any indication that he wants to stop Have a good talk with the person Most interested in him, usually his wife You know this doesn't really go on anymore I don't know why That's been my experience Alright you know Oh you're married Do you think I can talk to your wife For what So I can find out about your drinking Find out about Your behavior pattern What you doing Oh no you don't really want to talk to my wife Well I guess you really don't want to stop drinking and then of course you know they're going to find somebody that's going to call people like you, you must talk to my wife what are you doing there well I'm following directions right, and I do that the other way too you know because I don't have a problem sponsoring women because I'm sponsoring them through this I'm not sponsoring them into my bedroom so that's not the issue so I'll talk to their husband and I want to know because generally their husband's going to tell me a lot more about their drinking than they will or their boyfriend or whatever, you know, that's how it works right? and here, here's what we're supposed to ask, get an idea of his behavior his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, his religious leanings those are five things that we need to gather information about, why? because you need this information to put yourself in his place to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned. So I can't just, and that's the reason why I can be an evangelist. I have to sit down and I have these questions. So tell me about your drinking. How do you do it? How often do you drink it? Do you like that? You know what I like? I used to like drinking this because I could start doing it. Oh yeah, you do like that. Oh yeah. I was a long neck bottle drinker and I always liked that. Yeah, I did too. It stayed colder. So now I'm securing that And then, you know, they're becoming comfortable with me. So then I can say, well, listen, you know, like, what's your background? Where do you come from? You know, are you Irish? Are you Polish? Are you Czechoslovakian? You know something. Because then you start to get an idea of environment and where, what happened. Problems. What's going on? Because if somebody is sitting in front of you and you're doing this work, they've got problems. Nobody sits in frontof you because their life to go and swell. Everything's great. I just figure, I should quit drinking. Doesn't happen. Not yet, anyway, in my experience. Wouldn't that be fun? The seriousness of the condition, right? Are there any physical problems going on? Are you losing vision? You know, like, are you having seizures? Are you having problems eating? Like, all these types of things, so that way I know that they may be very jittery or defogged, and then I need to take them to the proper medical place for them to deal with that before maximum benefit of this information can take place. Hopefully, that can happen because then, while they're getting that detoxification and treatment, I could have a talk with the person who's closest to them, usually they were his spouse, and I could find these things out. Religious leanings obviously is really important because what are we talking about here? We're talking about the solution to the problem being God. So we need to know where they fit, how they feel about God right now. So that way I can talk to them about God in a way that's going to make them understand that they are right, that they're not wrong about how they feels about God. That's really important because if I'm telling them, listen, the way you feel about god is wrong, they're going to shut right down and I'm going to hear a word I'm saying because you don't know what you're talking about. And they'd be right. I wouldn't know What I'm Talking About. So, I need to find out what their religious beliefs are. Now, here's more instructions. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen a lot anymore either. You know, because everybody has, everybody's an expert in alcohol treatment now. And everybody knows what to do. This is what needs to be done. So, this gets ignored. Sometimes it is wise to wait until he goes on a binge. The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to risk it. Don't deal with him when he is very drunk unless he's ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of a spree or at least a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him here's the million dollar question right here. If he wants to quit for good and if we go to any extreme to do so not, hey can you quit for today can you do it for 24 hours for good and will you do whatever it takes to say quit for good. If not you're just wasting your time I have never in my experience I have Never Never Never seen anybody succeed with stopping drinking and staying stopped, who wasn't quit for good. And would do whatever it took not to drink again. It's just my experience, right? So here's some promise here. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. What are you talking about? I thought, nobody recovers. He can't be recovered. He's recovering, right, No, if I have the solution and sanity has returned and I'm in a place of neutrality, safe and secure, I've recovered. Got it, right? You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who is part of their own recovery, try to help others, and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you. Right? If he does not want to see me, never force yourself upon him. Okay, so that statement right there This is Alcoholics Anonymous's opinion about how to deal with alcoholics who do not want help. Do not force yourself upon them. So it sounds a lot like what the courts, what the medical people, what families need to be listening to. It does not work to force an alcoholic to AA meetings. Does not work. It doesn't work. I've seen people come and they grab a hold of it. Yeah, oh, I'm so glad I got the nudge from the judge. So I'm hearing it. And you know, if it weren't for that, I've heard that, imagine this, I've gotten into arguments with people about that it wasn't the nuzzle from the judges that stopped them from drinking for good. You know, because I would remind them of their relapses after the nuzze from the Judge. You know? So it becomes this thing, never force yourself upon them. If he doesn't, because what do you get? Like, you better go. You know what? If you don't go to those AA meetings and get signatures or get cards, you're going to jail. Oh, well, that works. That's a good cure. Yeah, okay, jail or go listen to those people talking about God. In jail I can't drink. I could go listen TO those people talk about God for an hour and still go drink. All right, I'll pick that one. you know oh look neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything nor should they tell you tell him much about you they should wait for the end of his next drinking vow, hey look at this you might place this book where he can see it in the interval that's pretty good I would say yeah definitely give somebody a book a copy of Alcohol Sonata because it could fit two drinks on it it's a good coaster You know, it's a good coaster for two dress Right Here no specific rule can be given The family must decide these things But urge them not to be over-anxious For that might spoil matters Usually the family should not try To tell your story When possible avoid meeting a man through his family Approach through a doctor Or an institution is a better bet If your man needs hospitalization He should have it But not forcibly unless he is violent Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has something in the way of a solution. I wish doctors would, because they don't. When your man is better, your doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions, your prospect will see he is under no pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he's still jittery. he may be more receptive when depressed right and you know most people who still have ideas still have ideas it's not bad you know or they're not willing to do whatever it takes they're just not receptive so the last thing I'm going to say is see your man alone if possible right so that's kind of we talk about that in a we say you know never go on a 12 step call by yourself because it could be dangerous and that's I have a tendency to agree with that but you know that's the first part of how we deal with steps so we have the instructions now about how to do 10, 11, 12 part of 12 and next week we'll continue with 12 keep going thanks