85 Pounds and Barefoot in the Keys Drinking Pop-Off Vodka — That’s What Incomprehensible Demoralization Looks Like – Jane L.

Let's have an AA meeting. My name's Tim R., and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting on Navazoom, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, with one year or more of sobriety, tells his or her story. This one is based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they established their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabluechipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear our speaker. Thank you. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I'm one of them too. I must have this thing. Lisa is going to unmute herself and introduce Jane. Thank you, Tim. My name's Lisa, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Lisa. We were joking right before this meeting started that I could probably tell you Jane's story by now. I've heard it so often. However, the thing is, she has a very powerful story. She's a genuine, loving, considerate, kind, rocker gal, and she's just a miracle, and her story can show you that. So what she's done with her life, what God has done in her life, is just absolutely beautiful. And what's really cool is she's obviously extremely willing to go to any lengths, still to this day. And I admire that. I respect you so much, Jane, and can't wait to hear it again. Thank you. Thank you so much, Lisa. Once again, you got me crying right out of the gate. Oh, hi, everyone. My name's Jane. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Jane. Hi, Jane. First of all, I would love to thank Tim for inviting me. It's always a pleasure to say yes. And Lisa, you know, I just, I adore you. I think you are so funny and so cool. And I can imagine being a newcomer and walking into a meeting and seeing you there. I would be like, I want what she has, you know? So thank you for all you do. And I am so grateful. My heart overfloweth tonight because of this life-saving, life-sustaining, life-giving gift of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have been sober since September 20th. I have been sober since September 20th. I have been sober since September 24th of 1996. Woo! And that's thanks to so many things. But first and foremost, the wonderful sponsors that I've had throughout the years. My sponsees also throughout the years. My family, who almost gave up hope on me. But they still always said that they loved me and supported me. They just weren't financially. So help me out with what I needed to do back in the day. And also my amazing faith in God. Oh my gosh. And I have a feeling I'm going to talk a lot tonight about my God. Just because it's been on my mind, especially with the last few days. But also with the reading that you just did at the beginning, Tim. That was just beautiful, you know? But yeah, I'm going to do my best to talk about my God, even though it's really hard to do. Because my God is... My God is so mysterious and so huge and all-encompassing. It's hard to even put words to it, you know? And I don't really even understand it. And I don't really want to understand it. It's just, you know, it's just amazing. And I know that basically if I had to put it into one word, it's love, you know? And I can't help but to think, too, in these troubled times, how lucky we are as a group to have these spiritual, these spiritual practices and these spiritual principles that we can implement into our lives during, you know, difficulties. This isn't easy for everyone. There have certainly been good days and bad days for me. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a power greater than myself is in charge of this crazy world right now. And I trust that everything is going to be okay. Actually, not only everything is going to be okay, I trust that everything is okay. Some grand lesson in the bigger scheme of things. I have to totally believe that. And I also love, I think it was Mother Teresa that gave one of my favorite quotes. It's like, if you want peace, be peace. And I've really been trying to, you know, to really take that on. But I notice when I do live in the present moment, it keeps all my fears at bay. You know, and I've been sharing, I've been talking to myself, saying that, but also I've been sharing that with my sponsees, you know. And look at how fortunate, too, we are to have forums like this where we can connect and maintain that contact that is so necessary for our sobriety. You know, we can maintain our social connections through forums like this, through Zoom, and because we all know that reaching out to others really helps our own state of mind and our own well-being. So, I hope you don't mind, but I would really like to start with a prayer. And I feel like, because we're talking about God so much, why don't we all close our eyes and bow our heads and say the third step prayer together. I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them, and may bear witness to those I would help, of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. Love the third step, too. Actually, I think, I've been about the third step for the last few minutes. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. You know? And, of course, this is not an overnight deal. This is something that we have to do throughout our whole life. And, personally, I love the third step. I love them all, but I love the third step because I feel like when I made that decision, it was the beginning of my journey to take the high road to the new freedom. You know? I've been turning it a lot over these days. You know? I want to start out by talking about, you know, of course, what I was like, what happened, and what I'm like now. And, uh, I'm, I'm sure you can tell from my accent, I'm not a native Floridian. I'm from the great state of New Jersey. Woo! And, yeah, and I grew up in a big Irish Catholic family. My parents had seven kids. My mom and dad celebrated in May their 62nd wedding anniversary. I was actually telling Lisa before the meeting, we are going to road trip up to New Jersey in a couple of weeks to celebrate my dad's 89th birthday and my mom's 85th. And we got a tent, and how weird is this? We're driving up, we're going to camp out one night because it's a 16-hour drive, and then we're going to pitch the tent in my parents' backyard. You know, I mean, crazy times indeed, right? But anyway, I still feel so fortunate that we're able to do that. Anyway, I grew up about a half an hour west of Manhattan. And, you know, I always believed in God. I mean, we went to Mass every Sunday. We're talking super Catholic family, right? My mom, I think, really, she should have been a nun, to tell you the truth. But, yeah, instead she, you know, met my dad, fell madly in love, and they had seven kids, right? But anyway, I went to Catholic elementary school. I actually even went to an all-girl Catholic high school. My parents just, I mean, I have one of those, one of those childhoods that was just, you know, really good, really, really good. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. My dad was a track coach, a collegiate track coach. As a matter of fact, let me boast on my dad for a minute. He was actually, back in the day, favored to be the first ever to break the four-minute mile. And he did it in 4.00.02. Can you imagine? Just missed it. But that says a lot about my dad's work ethic. His sense of discipline. And he instilled all five of us kids with those principles, those values, right? My siblings all used their, you know, their stamina in a whole different, healthier way than I did, as you'll soon find out. But anyway, yeah, it was a lovely childhood. I just talked about I went to an all-girl Catholic high school. Well, that's when I had. That's when I had my first drink. I was 14. My older cousin just decided to take me and a bunch of her friends to the movies. We bought in two bottles of rum. And it was the original Star Wars. I always love the symbolism of this, right? So I'm 14 years old, sitting in my seat, watching this movie, and dumping the rum, drinking it, and ah, ah, feeling that great feeling, right? And I was just like, whoo! Flying around intergalactically with Han Solo and that, you know, Falcon Millennium going from galaxy to galaxy, universe to universe, whatever. I was just like, whoo! And, of course, you know, that is the impression that it left in my brain. That is the imprint that it left in my brain. And I'll tell you something. It marked a lot of things. It marked, of course, how I wanted to feel every time I drank after that. Who would want anything less, right? But it marked the days that plain Jane's gone. I wanted to be extraordinary Jane. I wanted to, you know, walk into a room and everyone be like, she's here! You know, the life of the party! And, yeah, that's really what I went for. Every single time I drank. All right, so let's fast forward to college. College is actually when I started drinking. You know, all the time. High school, I forgot to mention, I got really sick after that episode and I didn't drink again until I went to college. But anyway, I went to Manhattan College in New York City in the 1980s. And, you know, everything you see in the movies, everything you have heard about New York City in the 1980s, I'm here to tell you, it is true. All right, Lisa, you know what I'm going to sing right now. It was everything all the time. Life in the Fast Lane. And let me tell you something. I rode that fast lane and I rode it hard. It was like the Catholic schoolgirl let loose in the biggest, baddest city on earth. And I went nuts. And Manhattan College, by the way, is a Catholic college. So most of my friends went to, you know, Catholic schools like I did. And it was all of our first taste of freedom. And we went berserk. And our... Our college was at the last stop on the one train and Broadway. So we had access to that city 24-7. And I'll tell you something. We did it. And I also love the new saying that the kids have FOMO, fear of missing out. Well, that's what I was living, man. I... I... Oh, I did it my freshman year of college, you know. But we were out all the time. I have to say, I started out as a bio major. And by the end of freshman year, I was English literature and creative writing. So... And it marked the first of all of my dreams and aspirations getting put into the backseat of the car. Because my partying was up my buddy in the front seat with me. I mean, we... Yeah. So I... I... By junior year, I started to get really tired. And I'll tell you something. You know, we're not... We're not supposed to have... We're not supposed to have an opinion on outside issues. But I loved them. I loved them. I loved cocaine. And I loved smoking weed. And, you know, of course, I believe in singleness of purpose. And, you know, alcohol was definitely, you know, my love. But I'll tell you something. The others really helped amplify my drinking. And added just a nice little extra something to it, you know. So anyway. And cocaine. I can't tell you how many times... It pulled me out of blackouts, you know. So junior year, as I said, I had the opportunity to leave. And thank goodness, because I was tired. And I went and I studied in France for a semester. But unbeknownst to me that there was a term called geographic change. I remember thinking, I'm going to go to France. I'm going to straighten out my acts. I'm going to get it together. Well, forget it. I went over to France, lived with a French family who had a 19-year-old nanny living with them. And her and I tore up that little city of Nantes. Just like I was tearing up New York. And as a matter of fact, I bumped it up a notch. Progressive, right? So anyway. Thank God it was pass-fail. I had some good times, though. I backpacked through Europe. You know, I always like sharing this story, like, because it says where my priorities were. But I remember I had the train pass. And I had 300 bucks. Well, the first 150, I spent... in Amsterdam, loading up for my magical mystery tour. And the second 150, I got my hair done in London. And you should have seen it, right? You know, just last night, I watched this concert by Depeche Mode. And I was thinking of all the times that, you know, I mean, I love them. And you should have seen my hair. It was like, you know, shaved up one side, big white shoes coming out the front, you know, total, like, new wave punk rock. Kind of, whatever. And, yeah, so that says where my priorities were. And the other month and a half with no money, I'll tell you something. We just were taken care of. This is a valuable lesson that I learned on backpacking through Europe. Everywhere we go, we attract party people, don't we? We magnetize them. We know each other. You know, so we take care of each other, too. So, anyway, went back to New York. Thought I would, you know, straighten out. Got my act again. And forget it. I started dating the biggest coke dealer on campus. I mean, senior year was just crazy. But I always had an innocent face. And I could talk my way out of a brown paper bag, baby. And I got a job teaching high school right after that. I majored in secondary ed and French and English lit. And I moved to a city called Hoboken, New Jersey. And I don't know if anyone knows Hoboken. But I think it's in the. I think it's in the Guinness World Book of Records for having the most bars per capita in, like, one square mile of anywhere in the world. It's right across the river from Manhattan. And I love that city. You know, but, again, it was dangerous for me. And I have to say, in case you're wondering about my relationships, I always chose drinking men. Always. Right? And I'm going to share this part. Because I feel like. This is one of those lines that I thought I would never cross. And I did. Well, when I was teaching high school, I started dating a married guy that I taught with. I would have never done that if I hadn't been using. And then, you know, because he was married, I would, like, do things at him. Because, you know, yeah. I was just, you know, frustrated. And so, anyway, I started to have this serious. I started to have these stories of, like, semi-consensual encounters that I felt would feel such guilt and shame and disgust after them. That the only thing that diluted that shame and that disgust was drinking again. And then that became a cycle. So, I feel like I crossed another line right about this point in my life. And, yeah. And a friend of mine who I was teaching high school with and who saw what was happening to me was like, you know, you've got to get out of here. You're killing yourself. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, let me tell you. I went over and I taught in Japan for a year. You should do that. I mean, they're looking for English teachers. You can make a lot of money. Go over. So, anyway, I interviewed for the job. I remember I interviewed in New York. And the guy who interviewed me was this good-looking. An English guy. And, of course, I was like, hey, have you seen New York at all? And he's like, no. I've been in here, you know, interviewing all weekend. I was like, well, you want to meet tonight for a drink? We met for a drink. And I got the job. And two weeks later, I was on a plane to Japan. You know, that's how I rolled. You know, I think Lisa can relate to this as many of you know. I always loved. This was me. I was a hell raiser. I was a risk taker. I was a rule breaker. And I was straight up rock and roll. I lived that lifestyle. I wanted to be a rock star. You know, you name the band. I saw them at Madison Square Garden back in the 70s and 80s. I always boasted. I saw the Ramones and the Talking Heads at CBGB's. I was hanging out. And, you know. My New York days at all those clubs like Studio 54, the Limelight, you know, the Peppermint Lounge. All those places, right? That was my lifestyle. And anywhere I went, that's what I took with me. So I took that lifestyle with me to Japan. And I taught for Time Life Educational Services. And I got a great job. This is the story of my life. I talked my way into anything, right? I got a great job. And I taught Japanese. And I taught Japanese businessmen who were about to be shipped overseas. So I had to speak only English to them and live in the training center with them. Eat breakfast, lunch, dinner with them. Went out drinking with them every night. You know? We just had the time of our lives over there. And I hooked up with a bunch of crazy Australians and Brits and New Zealanders and Canadians. I mean. And let me tell you. We would have been arrested on a weekly basis in our respective countries if we got caught doing the show. We would have been caught doing the shenanigans we were doing over in Japan. But the Japanese are so polite. They would just look the other way. And they actually had a name for us. Henagaijin. Which translates into crazy aliens. Well, anyway. So I'm going to cut this part short. Went back to New York. You know, if you're looking at my family, too. They pretty much disowned me. Every time I got invited to a family gathering or something, I embarrassed my parents. You know. Okay. So I'm going to fast forward through. You know. Obviously, my life just kept getting worse. A friend of mine, when I left Japan, she recently read a journal article or a journal entry that she wrote that said, My friend Jane decided to cut back on her drinking, which means she didn't drink for lunch on Thursday. You know? So. Japan was where I crossed. That line. And I started drinking from the moment I got up in the morning, at lunch, at dinner, and as I told you already, every night. Went back to New York. Was really disillusioned. Things just. I thought everyone would welcome me back with open arms after being away for three years. They were just like, oh, God, she's home. You know? And so that's when I started to, like, drink at them. You know, it was actually almost self-injurious behavior, my drinking and my using. If you know what I mean. And, anyway, got my first DUI. And a friend of mine had, this is how I ended up in Florida. A friend of mine had a restaurant down in Florida and said, all right, you lost your license for six months. Come down to Florida and I'll give you a job in my restaurant. So, are you ready? This is my grand master plan. I'm going to straighten out my act. I'm going to move down to Florida. Guess where the restaurant was? The Florida Keys. Well. Well, that was a massive fail. You know, as a matter of fact, I'm not going to get into it. But the Florida Keys is where I hit the skids, folks. I hit that incomprehensible demoralization that the big book talks about. I used to pride myself on the vodka. I would drink, man. I was walking around down there in bare feet. I became homeless. I was drinking pop-off vodka. Out of a freaking bottle. And the stuff that I used to snort, I started to smoke. And I got down to about 85 pounds. And I really was on a road to self-destruction. I didn't have the courage to kill myself. But I figured, oh, I'm going to drink myself to death or I'm going to blow my heart up or something. And I remember I had this crazy, you know, many of us have it. We've talked about it in the rooms. This look in the mirror where. I didn't recognize the woman I saw anymore. And I called a cousin, moved up to Fort Lauderdale, tried to get my act together, met a guy. And he was so cool. He was living in Europe at the time. And he was starting a travel, ex-adventure tour package. And he wanted to go down to the Keys for the weekend to see the water sports. And I was just like, oh, God, the Keys. Those were some pretty dark times. Okay, let's go. And down we went. We started drinking as we progressed down each Key. And I had this great idea, like, let's go watch the sun set. And we went to this spot. It was down by the old seven-mile bridge. And we went down, watched the sun set, then went out partying again. And I had this great idea later on. And I said, let's go back down to that spot and watch the sun come up. And so we were going down. And we were going down the road. Now, this time, I remember a sign said, authorized vehicles only. And I was like, vehicles, let's go. And we went down this road. Okay, this is the part I hate. And as we were progressing down the road, I remember saying to Max, oh, my God, where is this going to? Where is this leading to? It's like this bridge road to nowhere. And I went, bam, barreling into a concrete. And on the other side of the barrier was the water. And I just remember this thunderclap noise and this bolt of lightning just went through my very core. Like, oh, my God, where did that thing come from? And I remember putting my hand down to my ankle and feeling my bones. And I was just like, oh, my God. And when I opened my eyes, there was smoke coming out of the thing and fire out of the hood. And I was like, Max, we've got to get out of here. It's going to blow. And, of course, I looked over at Max next to me, and I thought he hit his head and that he passed out. But it didn't take me too long to realize that he wasn't breathing and that he was dead. And I can't believe it happens still when I talk about it. And I just remember thinking to myself, God, please just take me to. There's no way I'm going to be able to live with myself. I literally was on my last breath because my lungs were punctured by my ribs and I was breathing like. And I was saying my Catholic schoolgirl prayers and getting right with God. And I saw the blue lights and that police officer, you know, I thought he was just going to be like, oh, my gosh. You know, because of you, this life is abbreviated. You know, you're filthy, dirty, drunk driver. But instead, he was just so loving and just said, hang in there. We're going to get you out of here. We're going to get you out of here. And and I got teleported to the University of Miami Hospital. Yeah. And that that cop told me later on, he said, and I'm sharing this because he told me that he had a spiritual experience. He said he literally was going down the regular bridge road. And it was. It was like some entity tapped him on the shoulder and told him to back his car up and go down that other road. And he said it was so strong and he never went down that road. He said it was so strong that when he saw the crash, it was like he almost wasn't even surprised, you know. And and he said that he had a spiritual experience and it changed his life. And that kind of made me feel better. You know, anyway, I am going to move on to, you know, the next. Phase of my life, which, of course, was, you know, my recovery. I broke my neck at C1, C2. I mean, my whole body was broken. So I had to go. I was in the regular hospital for three months and then a rehab hospital for five. And I had to learn how to do everything again. And when I got out of the hospital after eight months, I, I, I, of course, knew I was facing big time legal stuff. And. I started going to my first AA meetings in St. Pete Beach, Florida, and those people helped save my life. You know, so many of them were, you know, would say things to me like there. But for the grace of God, go, why? Oh, my gosh. I, you know, I tell you how many times I drove drunk with kids in the car, you know. And to make a long story short, you guys. AA taught me so many things. But I just really, I already talked about steps three for a bit. I want to talk about step one for a minute. Because that's what I got from this group at, in St. Pete. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. Let me tell you something. You all taught me that this was the first step to recovery. First step towards the solution. This is the step where I had to learn how to abandon my pride and start to seek humility. But. What I heard louder than anything else about this step was honesty. Honesty. And I actually went to try and be 100% honest. And sometimes that wasn't easy. But anyway, the long and short of it is with my, with knowing that I had to be honest about things, I was going to plead guilty. I, you know, my attorney was like, No, we're pleading not guilty. That road should have been blocked off. I was like, no way. I'm pleading guilty. I know I'm going to prison. Let's just get the show on the road. So I pled guilty and I got sentenced to five years in prison, followed by 10 years of probation. And, you know, prison, I'll tell you something. Prison is really when I learned how to really establish my relationship with my higher power. You know, I always knew that. God knew the language of my heart. I always knew that. I felt like God understood me. He knew I was just sowing my wild oats, you know. But I really feel like in prison is when I genuinely established a real relationship with the God of my understanding. You know, I had two instances that I'll share that were life-changing in prison. They both involved a Catholic priest. The first one was I went to Mass. I went to Mass one Sunday and the priest said, hey, ladies, I spoke to a warden. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I'm allowed to do fifth step. So I did my first fifth step with this great priest. I was like, sign me up. Confession, fifth step, kill two birds with one stone. Yeah. And then the second one was I went to Mass during Easter week and the priest was crying after my confession. And I thought he was sad. But he was actually pissed off. And he was like, you know, I'm so sick of you telling that same sin every single time. You know, if I could, I would pick you up, throw you against that wall and slap you silly to try and get it through that thick skull of yours that God forgives you. It's thrown out there into the sea of forgiveness. You keep reeling it back in. Who do you think you are? Too good to accept God's forgiveness? And I remember being like, whoa. And that was just like, it just hit me. And it just really, I took it straight to my heart. And that's when I, at that point, I decided to not only forgive myself, but to work on redemption. You know, and prison, I learned so many things when I was in prison, folks. I could talk about it for the next hour. I learned that there's great power in powerlessness. You know, almost like we're doing right now with our sheltering. In place, right? We're powerless over this thing. But I also learned that when things go awry in my life, it's always because I'm putting my will between me and God. I learned so many things about, like from the big book. For example, be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, which, by the way, I was very prone to doing. For that would diminish my usefulness to others. And I chose to try and become useful to helping other women in prison. I learned to drop my ego and to transcend to this place of humility where I had to, you know, drop my mask. I had to stop blaming other people, stop rationalizing. And I had to absolutely admit that my life was unmanageable. You know, and I also learned how to deal with my resentments. You know, and I learned how to deal with being judgmental. And I also learned how to be... Patient and tolerant and kind and loving. So I'm one of those that is so grateful for getting a sentence of five years in prison. I really had to go on a mining expedition to find out who I was, right? Okay, so getting out of prison. The day I got out, I'll never forget. You know, I had a hefty bag filled with all my stuff. Got into a cab. And I got my first sign from God. And it was... I started crying in the back of the cab. The cab driver was like, are you okay? I'm like, I can't believe that this song is playing on the radio. And it was... I'm as free as a bird now. I was like, oh my God. The cab driver was... I was like, I just got out of prison. And he cranked it. He was singing along with me, right? And I dropped that hefty bag off. And five minutes later, another miracle happened. I walked into my... AA meeting, which is still my home group. Central group in Tallahassee. And guess who was there? The women who brought the meeting into prison. So thank you for anyone in the audience that is doing corrections work. I really appreciate you. You made a difference in my life. But they were like, when did you get out? And I was like, today. And they were like, oh my... And then just another random miracle. Okay, so I got probation for 10 years. And after probation, I had to go to an AA meeting every day. Even my probation officer was like, I never heard that before. I lost my license for life. And I had to go to therapy once a month. This was for 10 years. And so anyway, my therapist said, this weekend, I'm taking a bunch of women. We're going to an AA women's retreat in St. Simons Island, Georgia. I was like, okay. That sounds like a lot of fun. Woo! And anyway, went and the first speaker that I ever heard was this older woman. And she was just talking about, you know, being an alcoholic mom and raising two kids but neglecting them and abusing them because of her alcoholism. And I just remember thinking, oh my God, this woman is just sparing her heart and soul to this audience of strangers. This is so weird, but it's actually beautiful. You know? Well, that woman, many of you know her, the amazing Polly P. She is now my mother-in-law. So one of those boys, fast forward 10 years, is now my husband. I mean, what are the chances of that kind of stuff happening, right? So anyway, I'll get back to rebuilding my life. Got out of prison. And this is the part that I hope newcomers will listen to. Don't ever take no for an answer if you are doing the right thing. You know? So any time I went for a job, I would look them dead in the eye and I'd be like, listen, I am trying to rebuild my life. Where would any of us be with that forgiveness? Please forgive. Please show me mercy and give me a second chance. Please. I promise I won't let you down. And I never let them down. So I got my first job as a housekeeper at a hotel. Then I worked my way. Then I landed in Tallahassee and they told me I would never teach again. So I decided to go back to school. So I figured love and service, what better job than social works? So I went. I could get into Florida State University's College of Social Work. I got denied once, got denied twice, finally got in a third time. And I did well and I never let anyone down, right? And all the while doing what I had to do, you know, for probation, you know? So I'd work at the hotel from 7 till 3, go to my AA meeting and then classes from 5 to 9. And I did that for two years straight. Riding my bike everywhere. And also I wanted to say this. My family, when this all started happening, they believed that they would love and support me, but they would never give me any money. They were like hardcore, tough love Irish, you know? And so they never did. Even in prison, I never got a penny from my family or when I got out. And I remember my dad saying, Janie, if you're going to make this a triumph, you've got to do it 100% on your own. And I'm glad now that they did it like that. But at the time, I wasn't too glad. It was a big resentment I had to do a lot of work on. But I started to reestablish my relationship with my family. I went to grad school, graduated, got a job. My first job as a social worker was in a detox center. How perfect is that? And then I got a call from the dean at the College of Social Work wanting to know if I would be interested in teaching a class. I was like, oh my gosh, yes! And guess what class? Substance use disorders. My specialty area. So I started teaching and I did well on my students. I did the evaluations and three years later, I got a call from the dean again and he asked if I would be interested in a full-time faculty position. So that's my job now. I am a teaching professor at Florida State University's College of Social Work. I am the luckiest person in the world. I love my job so much. I love working with students. I'm the go-to person for students on campus that have struggles with alcohol or drugs. And I also work with an organization with the LGBTQ community. I'm telling you, I am so lucky. And the many gifts of recovery started to just roll out one after the other. And I swear, I keep it simple. It's just because I do what the program told me to do. I always loved Winnie the Pooh for his simple, simple phrases. You know, how do we get where we're going? We get to where we're going by walking away from where we've been. And I just kept moving towards my goals. And I really feel like I, you know, in prison, another thing I learned was how to, like, simplify my life, my external life, you know. And I did that. And when I do get rid of all the clutter and all the, you know, extraneous, this junk, I really feel, when I'm clutter-free, I feel, I hear the genuine voice of God, you know. And I feel like God became my director and I just, like, the executor by just doing what I'm supposed to be doing, as they say, by doing the footwork. So, again, in line with the theme of step three that I've been experiencing this week, I love the saying, let go and let go. God, you know, there's great power in that statement. And, you know, great power in time and time again relinquishing control, stepping back and accepting what is, you know. For me, that radical acceptance of what is is key every day, right. So I invited my higher to sit back up front in the front seat with me. And, yeah, we're riding along this highway. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You know, I feel like in trusting God and in trusting the process, again, my fears are reduced and I get this sense of calm and serene and I can be productive in life, you know. You know, it's funny when I think back when I was in prison, when I really turned it over, that's when I first felt true spiritual connection, you know. That spiritual freedom came to me. You know, I mean, so glaringly, obviously, when I was in prison, you know. I'll also just finish by talking about my last greatest gift. Now, of course, rebuilding my relationship with my family is the greatest gift. I mean, there's no doubt about it. My parents are so proud of me. My siblings are my closest friends. But about in 2009, I went to the Florida State Convention about Bullets Anonymous, and I heard this speaker named James L., and when I went up, you know, he told this story, and I was thinking to myself, oh, man, we would have been in trouble together because he was like a, you know, hippie dude. He loved Led Zeppelin. And, you know, he moved out to California, ran the streets of Venice Beach, and, you know, his story is great. So I went to give him a hug and thank him for his story, and I swear it was like. I love his first sight, you know. Like, oh, my gosh, this is the guy I'm going to be with forever. But then I saw a wedding ring on his finger, and I was like, sorry, I was wrong there. But then we became friends on Facebook, and five years down the line, like every once in a while I'd hear things about him, like, oh, yeah, did you hear James went through a really terrible, terrible divorce, painful divorce, and I was like, oh, that's too bad. And. And so anyway, long and short of it, thanks to Facebook, we finally got together, and he moved from Chicago to Tallahassee, and we got married four years ago in July. And he is the greatest man I've ever met in my life. He got sober at 21, and he is still knee deep in AA. He has a big book study every Friday night. He brings meetings into the homeless shelter, the jails and prisons before COVID. But. But he's still so busy, and, you know, just, again, I just can't believe the gifts that have been bestowed upon me as a result of working this program. And in the spirit of my former sponsor, who passed away a couple years ago, he always told me, James, you've got to bring it out. Bring every AA meeting out with reading from our literature. So, anyway, before I do that, I just want to. Thank you again for inviting me, and I want to just wish you all happiness and health. And I'm just so grateful that I was invited to share my story, and I hope it gives somebody hope. So, anyway, here's my final reading. It's easy to let up on a spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. How can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. Thank you again, everyone. Have a great night. Thank you, James. That's true. Thank you. Sharing the proper use of the will and your new freedom and the miracle of recovery. I'm going to have Tinsley offer the chips, and then we'll open it up for everybody to fellowship. Ready, Tinsley? Hey, everybody. My name is Tinsley. I'm an alcoholic. And thanks, Jane. That was the story. That's about as fast as an hour has ever. I moved in the AA meeting, and that's because you kept me on the edge of my seat. I'm going to try to figure out how I did it up, but I see you lived through it, so that's a good thing. Here at this meeting, we offer a chip system to mark our time away from our last drink. If you'd like to try this way of life one day at a time, we offer a virtual white chip. Would anybody like to pick up a virtual white chip? 30 days. 90 days? Six months. Anybody got nine months? Anybody want to reconsider on the white chip? Big hand for the chips you hold. Thank you, Tinsley. I'm unmuting people. I'm trying to. Thank you, Jane, for a beautiful story. You're welcome. Thank you, Jane. You're the bomb girl. We've got to do a duet sometime. Woo! That was amazing. I appreciate that, Jane. Jane, you are amazing. You are a gift from God, young lady. Thank you. So, Jane, that is my story. Thank you so much for being my sponsor, that's Sharon. Hi, Sharon. Thank you so much. Thank you. Boy, you are so fortunate to have that ray of sunshine called Lisa in your life, right? Don't I know it. Hey, Jane, you're a pretty bright light yourself, girl. I'm just watching you, just watching your love of this program. Still to this day, the passion, joy, and happiness you bring. Thank you. The bomb girl. Thank you. Rock star. Rock star status. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I think you're awesome, but now we know each other. Thank you. And if I... Okay. I got a pardon and I got my license, so I just started driving again. Oh, wonderful. I forgot to say that at the end. I got freaked out. What a wonderful miracle. God bless you. Thank you. It's a hardship license, but it's a star. Yes, it is. That's phenomenal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That's phenomenal. Take it. Yeah. And it's cool how you got it, too. I know. Your mom, kind of. My mom. Yep. The bomb. You're going to go camp out with Frederick the Great, huh? Yeah. Yeah, we are. I am headed out, girlfriend. All right. Have a great night. Thank you again. Thanks, Lisa. Thanks for coming. That was wonderful. Thank you, Tim. Tim, you're doing very good. Thanks, everybody. Next week, we have Gary W. from the Midway Group of Savannah in the 545. Yeah, Gary W. Thank you, Tim, and thank you, Jane. Thanks, Steve. Bye, everyone. Thanks again, Tim. Have a good night. Thank you, Jane.