8 Great Topics – Inventory – Gene D. – 1974

Today I'd like to talk about a word which I consider very essential not only in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous but in a program of daily living for all people. It's a word that is commonly associated as a business term but it's a word again that we all should take heed of. That word is inventory. The fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous brings this word into focus right away at the outset of our program. For that fourth step tells us that we, you and I, should take a ferocious moral inventory of ourselves. Now, I looked up the word inventory as I always do when I'm in doubt about what certain things mean. An inventory as described in the Funk and Wagnall dictionary says this, to make an appraisal as of one's skills, characteristics, goals, fortunes, assets, and liabilities. Now I guess that's a pretty damn good description. Those of us in business know that no successful business can operate without inventory, without knowing what is selling, what is not selling, what to buy, what to sell, what to buy, and so on and so forth. And that's what I'm going to talk about today. I'm going to talk about inventory. An inventory is a very important part of our business. It's a very important part of our business. And I'm going to talk about inventory. What to buy and what not to buy. And of course our own personal lives need an inventory. What's good for us and what's bad for us. Now at the point we are now, a group of men and women interested in the problem of alcoholism, I'd like to discuss this word inventory as applied to our particular problem. I'd like to discuss this word inventory as applied to our particular problem. Unfortunately, most of us who are in this room today, with the exception of the guests, have arrived at a point in our life where we had better take a goddamn good look at what has happened, what is happening, and what is not happening. And I'd like to discuss this word inventory. Unfortunately, most of us who are in this room today, with the exception of the guests, have arrived at a point in our life where we had better take a goddamn good look at what has happened, what is happening, and what might possibly happen. In other words, it's time for you and I to take an inventory. We are past that point where we can live on past laurels and past heroics and great deeds of yesteryear. Society today is only interested in the now. I wish the Persians could okay us now, but this moment Center for our good cause is something that I'll get to. We need to think about it today. I want to continue the dakika e dit, and that all you and I should be concerned with is the now. What makes the now so important is simply because it is the only period of time in which you can furnish definite proof. of your statement. You can talk all you want about your dreams of the future, and for something that hasn't happened yet, we can't furnish proof. But if you walk like you talk today, then today you can prove, for that's the now. Now in this inventory where you and I take a look at ourselves, there is one specific prime necessary requirement. That requirement, I'm sure most of you know, is the highest form or the highest level of self-honesty that you can achieve. For all you're going to do business with in this inventory is your life. Not mine. I am not particularly interested in the inventory of anybody's life who sits in this room today, and likewise I don't think you're particularly interested in an inventory of my life. As alcohol has become a life and death proposition for us, we must direct all of our energies, all of our strengths and wisdoms, towards our own life. In our program we discuss, most frequently, three different kinds of inventories that we take. We talk about a daily inventory, an inventory that some people take early in the morning, other people might possibly take upon retiring at night. If you take it at night, it's just a review of what you have done that particular day, an awareness of what areas you might be able to improve on, what degrees of success you have obtained in any venture of that particular day, and the progress of your own life in general. In the morning, people who take inventories, establish some sort of a program for that particular day. They try to determine their needs and their wants and their desires, their actions, their goals, and their expectations, and they formulate a plan, and then they seek during that day to fulfill that plan. Another inventory we take, of course, is the fourth step of this program, which is not to be confused, because of that word, moral. It's not to be confused with a sexual inventory. We are not interested in whether you are committing adultery, we are not interested in how many women you had in motel rooms and how many times you have cheated on your husband. We are not interested in any forms of sexual perversion and perhaps . We are их МУЗЫКАm thing cooperation, to assimilate it. We are not interested in whether you are committing adultery and how many times you have cheated on your husband. We are not interested in how you are not liberty and how many times you have cheated on your husband. We are not interested in any forms of sexual perversion, we are not interested in any forms of sexual perversion and how many times you had cheated on your husband. We are not interested in any forms of sexual perversion and good and bad. That's the kind of an inventory we suggest you take when you arrive at this point which I only assume that you have a written act. You see, I assume that all of you are seeking this recovery due to what it says in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous that you want to gain this sobriety so that you can clear away the wreckage of the past. Now there is no conceivable way that you can clear away the wreckage from the past unless you know what in the hell it is. And the only way that you can find out what in the hell it is is to sit down and take a hell of a good look at Joe or Bill or Alice or Mary or whatever the hell your name is in that complete state of self-honesty. Now there's another inventory we refer to as sort of a spot check inventory. Spot check inventories are not total and they're not complete. They're not a culmination of all of your character defects assets and liabilities of your entire life. A spot check inventory comes about and I'm quite sure most of you are familiar with this kind of a feeling. We're along about 11 o'clock in the morning after you've been out of bed for about five hours and commence working and things seem to be going wrong and all of a sudden you say for Christ's sake this is a hell of a day everything is going wrong. Well let me say stop. Stop right there at that point. When that day seems to be getting darker than hell out even though the sun is out. When it seems like all the problems in the world are yours. When it seems like everybody is going against your wills and your wishes. Stop. Sit down. And take that spot check inventory. Experience has proven to us in the past that if you sit down at that precise moment in death, in that exact state of honesty you will find that you are the cause for what you have attributed to being everybody else's fault. That today is quite well. It's not a screwed up day. It's only a screwed up day through your eyes. While you're thinking the world is dark alongside of you is somebody who thinks it's awful bright and sunny. So the problem has to be with you. As alcoholics of course we've got a defective character. But rather than sit down into this complete state of honesty we seek the escape in a mood altering agent called alcohol. An agent that will insanely cause you and I to believe after digesting of it for a while that all of our problems are solved. That the budget is all figured out and it's manageable. And that within two or three days I'll become president of the bank. Might even own it. Seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Because that's what alcohol does as a mood altering agent. Little story I heard some years ago. Maybe you've heard it. I don't know. But which brings out quite frankly and honestly how alcohol can change your mood. It deals with a guy on skid row who's down and out. Has lost his family and his friends and his job. And every resource that was available at one time to help him has pulled away from him. And now he's all alone. With one exception. He has one person yet who he can still turn to. And that's his father. For his father I told him once he said, son, whenever you recognize what in the hell your problem is I'm not willing to admit it. Then come to me and I'll help you. So this down and out derelict in despair sitting in a crummy little old hotel room on skid row is a man who's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. And he's got a lot of money. Because he's single. Sick, dying. Full of the fears and the remorse and the guilt. Knew that he had to make a choice that day. He either had to be humble enough He either had to be humble enough to admit this defeat to his father to admit this defeat to his father or continue to suffer. Now that's a tough task to admit defeat. Always has been and I guess it always will be. Always has been and I guess it always will be. And assholes like me and you always need a little help with admitting defeat. We insanely figured that, well, if I had a little drink, I could figure this thing out a little bit better. I'd know what to say to my father. So this gentleman gets up from his little table, and he goes down on the street, and he begs a dollar. And with the dollar, he buys a bottle of wine. And he goes back up into his room, fearful of the thought of having to write that letter to his father. And in order to get up enough courage just to take the stationery out of the desk, takes a little whack out of that wine bottle. Well, it gives him a degree of courage where he goes over to the desk and he pulls out the stationery. And he sits down and prepares to write the letter. He begins to sweat and shake again with fear. And he says, my God, what am I going to say? I'd better have another drink. And he takes another drink. Then the courage begins to come to him, and he writes the date up in the corner of the letter. And, of course, that's a traumatic experience. And the fear again mounts. And he reaches for another drink. And he takes another drink. And then he has courage to write down, Dear Dad. And it really grows way out of proportion. My God, what the hell am I going to say to him, you know? I need another drink. And he finishes the whole bottle. And the first line in the sentence following Dear Dad is this. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know. You see, in the matter of a few moments, a few drinks, the entire stationery, the entire situation has been reversed because of the alcohol. Now, you'll notice up on the board that I have up here, we use this board for two different meetings that we conduct here. Today, we'll use it as applied to the inventory. You'll notice that the board is divided into three little sections here, simulated by smiles, frowns, and a normal look, happy, normal, sad. Only in my own opinion, only in my own opinion, these are the eight key words as far as a living inventory is concerned. Not a drinking inventory, a living inventory. I think all people require to have these particular identities. Inventory frequently in order to determine what kind of a life you're going to live. And after all, that's what we're talking about. We're talking about life. We're not talking about Alcoholics Anonymous as a program of not drinking. Alcoholics Anonymous is not that. Alcoholics Anonymous is not a program of not drinking. Alcoholics Anonymous is a program that initiates to those who seek it a new way of life, a new way of living. Whenever I talk about living, I'm always, always brought to mind of that commercial, because I love that commercial so much, and so many of you have seen it and heard me describe it, but I think it's the greatest commercial that was ever made. I think it's the greatest commercial that was ever made. for television, outside when they had the little bear on the hands there. That commercial is where they advertise Schmitz beer, and that's so ironic that it's a liquor commercial that's so important in my life. But most of you know the one I'm talking about. But for those of you who are new, I'd like to refresh you, because I know you've seen it. It's that one where you see a bunch of guys sailing around out there in the Pacific Ocean someplace, in a big old three-masted schooner, you know, doing a man's thing, raising hell on the ship, swinging back and forth, and letting go of the ropes, and splashing into the water, and singing, and just having a hell of a good time. Doing a man's thing. And in that commercial, there's a line that says, you only go around once. Grab all of the gusto you can. I, too, look for that. I, too, looked up that word gusto. I didn't... First, I thought it was a cereal, to tell you the honest and real truth. That's what I thought it was. I didn't realize that. That's right. Advertising men here, that's just my ignorance, but I can't help it. But gusto is a slang expression for a living. For a living. In other words, the commercial says you only go around once. Grab all of the living you can get. And surely, I doubt, seriously, that there sits in this room anyone who does not want his or her share, or more, of living. And that's why you enter into a state of sobriety. Because sobriety permits you to live. Alcohol allows you to die. That's... simple. So if you are like I, and you're interested in living, then you've got to take a good look at what in the hell you've got to work with. Because you've got to work with you. Your living, your life, you. And as we go back to the initial definition of inventory, an appraisal of one's skills, characteristics, goals, fortunes, assets, and liabilities. Whether you want to do this daily, on the hour, or every six months, is entirely up to you. Perpetual inventory in major businesses is the most successful way of operation. Surely some of you merchants know that. It would be ideal, I guess, to do every day just what you're saying, and what you're not selling, rather than have to wait every six months, or perhaps once a year. So a perpetual inventory, a daily inventory, might be the best way you can go. And not necessarily in this order. But each day I've got to look at that word faith. Not that faith is applied to worshipping an idol, in the church. Not that faith is applied to getting in my car and figuring that all I've got to do is turn the key and it'll start. Not as applied to sitting down when Pawnee cooks the supper and having faith that there's nothing wrong with it. Those are all examples of faith. I've often heard people say, well I have no faith. How ridiculous. How ridiculous. Each of you that ate breakfast in here this morning had faith that the eggs weren't poisoned, that the coffee wasn't poisoned, possibly taste like it. You have faith that this place is not going to burn down today. And if you do get in your car, you have faith that it's going to start. So faith is nothing that's unreachable. And faith, I looked that up in the dictionary. And they've got a hell of a good definition for that. Unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence. That's what faith is. And we ask you to seek faith in this program. Even though we do not require proof or evidence, we furnish it to you though. I stand, and I don't say this braggadociously, I just say this because I'm standing up here. I stand as proof, as evidence, that this program works. Any other members of Alcoholics Anonymous who sit out here today are proof and evidence that this program works. So it should be, in my opinion, quite simple for you to gain enough faith that all you have to do is approach this program, do what in the hell you're told to do by those who know what to do, and it will work also for you. No big deal with faith there. My faith in this program is very good. My faith in living is very good. I have faith in my friends. I have faith in the people who work with me. I have absolute faith in this program. So I'm on a high as far as faith is concerned. Good! All right, health! Health! We all know what health is, I guess. That's whether you're well or you're sick. But I looked that up, too. And it says, health is a condition of body or mind. How is yours? You see, a condition of body or mind. That's why, some of you say, you can leave here after a week, four days, five days, because your health, as applied to your body, is fine. You're eating again, possibly have slept, stopped throwing up. So in your insane opinion, you're saying, you have regained your health because your body is well. But recall the definition. Condition of body or mind. And for those of you who leave, and have left on countless other occasions, have left here after four or five days, and you're still here, you're still in the same place. You're still here. You're still in the same place. And you're still here. But the thing is, if you're still here, and you've been here for four or five days with a healthy body, you still left here with a sick mind. And your mind is still sick. That's why you return. That's why the continued agony, and the horror, and the pain, and the remorse, because of your self-centered, egotistical, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish, and selfish. But the short answer, the almost- dropdown answer, is that you lose love. Or rather, . That example of having a father was absolutelyoa So I'm in the middle today. Respect. To look at and back on. I couldn't quite figure that definition out. So I called up a guy. And I asked him about Paul. And he says, you must look back. In order to know what respect is. Because respect is a nice word for pride. Are you and I proud of what we have accomplished so far? Many of you know exactly what I'm going to say next. Possibly the cruelest statement or question that I will ever ask any human being. Are you, at this time, exactly what you would want your son or daughter to be? Now I guess that you can answer yes. Because that's the question. That's the right question. You've reached the ultimate in respect. I guess you would reach perfection. But we say in our program that we don't seek perfection. So even if you might think you are what you would want your son and daughter to be. Surely you have enough. You have enough respect to seek even higher value than what you might possibly represent now. That's all on the positive side. Unfortunately, by our own admission, with the exception of one guest and one person who does not know yet. None of us can quite reach that. But we can reach that point where we are what we would want those who we love the most to be. I speak only now for those of you who are in the process of recovery. Not those of you who have reached that degree of sobriety that you enjoy today. Perhaps right now, as sick as I still am. And it's full of character. I have one son that I wish he was like me now. But I have two that I'm damn glad that they're not like me. But they have gone beyond where I stand now. And the other still has not arrived up where we are. So only ask yourself that tonight when you go to bed. Are you the pattern? Are you the pattern for whatever you love the most you would want to be? And you have to do that in a complete state of self-honesty. I've got to put respect over here in the middle. Yesterday it could have very well been over here. Because I did something yesterday I wish I had done. But it's none of your business. Because it has nothing to do with alcoholics or anonymous or nothing. But I shot an angle and I was pissed off about it. So yesterday, we'll talk about today now. Today I'm out. And by tomorrow I'll be over here because I'm going to do something today about what I did yesterday that will lead me to be like that tomorrow. I was wrong. There's a step in our book, in our program that says, And when you were wrong. You promptly admitted it. I'm not going to get a chance to admit that I was wrong yet until about six o'clock. Because these people don't come back from their business until six o'clock. All right. Security. Hooray. Every woman, every man that ever walked the face of this earth has a terrific misconception about what security is. Some people think security means wealth as measured in material gain or power. No. Security is defined very well in the dictionary. It's nothing more than protection and defense against harm, attack, or interference. The kids have a saying today, you know. Live your own life. Do your own thing. Civil rights is a big thing today. Individual rights are a big thing. And very well they should be because each person within the limits of the law is entitled to live his or her own life. At his or her own choice. And that's what security is. And in this attempt at living your own life, if you can arrive at a point where you have that life protected from harm, protected from attack, protected from outside interference, then you've got a degree of security. You're secure. Now, security is applied to us, I guess. More specifically means protection from alcohol or alcoholism. How many of you, even one young lady just this morning said to me that she was just scared that she wasn't going to make it. Another one told me yesterday that she was just scared to go home. Because she didn't feel as though she could make this program. So she was very insecure. And not for commercial reasons. I suggested that she stay. And if you do leave here with fear, you're leaving here with a sick mind. With a sick mind. For you see, you replace fear with faith. Recall the definition of faith? Unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence. Have faith from fear. Have faith that when I tell you that if you leave here and you seek out the help and the wisdom and are willing to go to any lengths to accept the knowledge that will come from the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, have faith. That it's quite possible your drinking problem has ended. I only ask you to have that faith. What other choice have you? Fear? Walk out of here with fear? And if you're lucky, you'll walk back in. Or be carried back in. Or fear will not keep you sober. Security is represented in protection from alcoholism I consider pretty good in my own life right now. I haven't had any conscious desire or thoughts or take a drink. I've been around long enough to know what the hell to do. And I get them kind of thoughts. My program's in pretty good shape. Some of the guys I work with are sober and most of them I work with are still drunk. But I'm sober. And that's what it's all about. Companionship. That don't mean two in a king-sized bed. Companionship is the relationship of companions. That's very simple. As represented by a fellowship. Now there's a familiar word. Fellowship. The definition of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous clearly says that we are a fellowship of men and women who share our common problems. Our common problems. Our common problem is alcoholism. And companionship is the easiest way in the world to defeat loneliness, isn't it? It's impossible to be lonely if you're practicing companionship. And companionship means fellowship. So don't lay that heavy crap on me or anybody else. I drink because I'm lonely. There's only one person that's responsible for loneliness. And that's the person who professes to be suffering from it. And that's the only person that can do anything about loneliness. I am far from being lonely. And if luck is with me, I ain't gonna be too lonely next Saturday. But that's another story. Purpose. Oh yeah. Purpose. Purpose is the reason for which something exists. Why do you exist? Have you taken a good look at that today? I'm not saying that you're not. I'm saying that you're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. I don't think we should look at that today. What are you? When you wake up in the morning, why do you wake up? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? Why do you take care of your health? Why do you go out and earn money? Why do you put on protective clothing? Why? for existing. Have you a purpose? Is there a reason for you to be here? If you don't know what it is, look for it. Because that's what makes life exciting. Looking for the reason. And maybe you'll be lucky enough like many and find eventually the reason. I consider myself extremely fortunate. Extremely fortunate. I know why I get up in the morning. I know why I try to keep from dying. Because this kind of work is my purpose. This is why I exist. For a while I existed because I was a bricklayer. Now the period of time I existed because I was a son. But today I know what my purpose is today. And it might very well change tomorrow. But it hasn't changed for a number of days. People always kid me about going to bed so early. They say, why the hell do you go to bed so early? And I tell them because I'm anxious to get up. I'm anxious for the next day to start. So I can work on my purpose. There's a couple of construction guys in the audience. And I'll tell you how I used to feel about it. And perhaps you even feel the same way. And it wasn't a matter of bragging. Because I never told anybody about it. Whenever I'd be driving someplace and I happened to go past a town where I knew we had done some building in years prior. Maybe we had built a high school five years prior to that. I used to like to drive up and sit in the car and look at the building. And I'd say, what's going on? And I'd look at the car and look at the high school. Not tell anybody. But I would know, you know, that me and people like me built that. We built that. It wasn't there. We came and now it's there. And that gave me strong purpose. And it helped me keep continuing to seek to fulfill a daily purpose. You've got to have a reason to live. And if you don't have a reason to live, you wish you were dead. And wishing you were dead is the battle cry of the practicing alcoholic. I wish that the right guy was dead. My purpose is very high. Happiness is a funny word. And that's the closest I can come to happiness by calling it a funny word. Because I don't really know what in the hell happiness is. I have never heard anybody intelligently define to me what the hell happiness is. The dictionary don't make a hell of a lot of sense. It says happiness is causing a feeling of great pleasure. For who? I guess Dracula was happy as hell while he was sucking that blood out of him. And he was sucking that blood out of somebody's neck. Now where's the happiness? His or the victim's? But I guess that's the one we'll have to buy. And people wonder why they can't live in a continual state of happiness. I don't think you would want to live in a continual state of happiness. I retract that. I do not want to live in a complete state of happiness. For you see, in order to really know what happiness is, or for that matter to really know what anything is, you must have experienced the direct opposite. Do you know why penguins are never cold? Because they've never been in heat. That's right. You know why fish always stay wet? Because they've never been dry. They don't know the opposite. You and I would never know what happiness was unless we have experienced sadness. You have to have a point of comparison. Happiness sometimes might only be that quick. It might just be a hello from somebody you least expect. And for a moment it's there and then it's gone. Or it might be what we refer to as a good day. Good day. Somebody will say at night, out and go, Have a good day. Good day. And that was possibly happiness. I heard a cute one last night. I talked to a guy, I said, How you doing? He said, I'm sober. And that's as high as you can go. That's as high as you can go in AA. I thought that was fantastic. That's as high as you can go in AA. I'm sober. So I don't know how you measure sadness, sad moments against happy moments. I do know this one thing. If I were to discover a happy moment right now, I would treasure that moment. I'd try to hold onto it, of course. I'd want it to be close to me for as long as I can hold. But because we're part of the world, other people's unhappiness is going to enter into my happiness, diluting my happiness. And I'm not necessarily people by their actions, my own thoughts, my own awareness, can take away happiness. I can be happy this very moment about some particular event and then see a commercial about little kids starving to death in the streets over there in India. And that dilutes my happiness. I'm not a crusader, I'm not a do-gooder, but I can't understand that. I can't understand why people are starving to death. Especially when slobs like me throw away half of the food that's on my plate. So I'm not too happy about that. So if you're fortunate enough to find something that fits that definition of causing a feeling of great pleasure, hold onto it for as long as you can. But in order to be happy, don't expect it to stay. And I think that's what will cause your happiness. Not expecting it to be a continual thing. Sort of feeling like you were favored by a God as I understand him to experience just a little bit of his pleasure for that day. And not entitled to experience any more. Dignity. The first thing we lose and the first thing we have to get back. The first thing the alcoholic, the practicing alcoholic forfeits is dignity. For you see, dignity is a gut-level feeling. It's a feeling that comes within you only. And you're the only one that can maintain dignity. For you see, dignity is nothing more than knowing within yourself that at this very moment you are doing the very best with whatever abilities and capabilities that you have. The very best to overcome what has become our common problem as we meet here today. Alcoholism. So tonight take a good look at yourself. If you can get a good look at yourself, you'll be able to see that. If you can go further than this, fine. And if you can't even get all the way down, just take a part of it. Work on one. And when you've got that in its right scope, work on another. And each day, take a good look at Joe, John, Alice, Mary, Bill, or whatever the hell you are. And take a good look on the outside. Smell and touch that gusto. It's all yours and it's all mine if we want to venture forth and take our rightful share. Thank you. Thank you. Take care. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.