$640 in Freud and Jung and Not One Page Could Keep Me Sober – John H.

About This Speaker Tape

John tells his story at the Buffalo Fall Convention with self-deprecating humor and raw honesty about the destruction his alcoholism caused. Originally from Buffalo's Perry Projects, he swore off drinking after watching his father's problems — then picked up his first beer at almost 19 at a bar on the lake and blacked out that very first night. He joined the Coast Guard, where he served 27 years, and his drinking escalated steadily through military jail, blackouts, and two failed marriages. Both wives were alcoholics; his first wife died of cirrhosis at 37, and his five children shuffled between four alcoholic households with no stability.

After his second wife threw him out, John maxed out a new $500 MasterCard on a planned final bender before a suicide attempt. He ended up in treatment at Bremerton Naval Hospital, where a visiting speaker gave him his first glimmer of hope. He devoured the Big Book but convinced himself he could fix his own problems with self-help books — Freud, Jung, transactional analysis. At eleven months sober he decided AA had worked so well he didn't need it anymore. A toke of marijuana in Oregon led to a six-pack in Montana two days later, and he was off and running for five months.

His second time in treatment, the Coast Guard warned him further relapse meant discharge. On his knees, he begged Higher Power to remove the compulsion to drink — and three days later realized it was gone. He found a sponsor named Larry at a meeting neither of them normally attended, threw himself into service work, slept with Big Book tapes under his pillow, and took Antabuse every morning for a year. Sober continuously since September 25, 1980, John reflects on how service, sponsorship, and a personal relationship with Higher Power transformed his life. He closes with the set-aside prayer, crediting AA with giving him everything he tried and failed to build on his own — a family, purpose, and freedom.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opens with a joke about being told Higher Power would let him know when to stop speaking — friend said he didn't hear Higher Power the first time
• 3:00 Describes how his drinking and alcoholism devastated his family — five children in four alcoholic households, kids terrified every night
• 8:00 Growing up in Buffalo's Perry Projects, father's drinking, swearing he'd never drink — then first beer at almost 19 at Larzac's on the lake
• 14:00 Coast Guard career — 27 years, loved it, said he'd do it for free if they bought his beer and cigarettes
• 18:00 Gave away two dream families and one wonderful sobriety for one can of beer — many, many times
• 23:00 Jailed in New Orleans — knocked to the floor for lighting a cigarette, argued the stop sign was in the wrong place
• 29:00 Second wife kicks him out — plans suicide after spending $500 MasterCard on a final bender, ends up in DTs at the hospital
• 36:00 Relapse after 11 months — decided AA worked so well he didn't need it, smoked pot in Oregon, bought a six-pack in Montana, off and running for five months
• 41:00 Second treatment — on his knees begging Higher Power to remove the compulsion to drink; three days later it was gone and never came back
• 50:00 Closes with the set-aside prayer — discovered he'd been using the serenity prayer like a foxhole prayer, now starts and ends every day with both