2nd March Through the Steps Workshop – Part 5 of 5 – 2022 – Peter M.

About This Speaker Tape

2nd March Through the Steps Workshop - 2022

A park bench in the projects of Alphabet City lower Manhattan is where Peter M. hit the wall—urinating blood shivering in blood-stained soil pants and living in the back of an abandoned building. He describes a life of internal rage and 'soul sickness' that persisted even through six treatment centers. The turning point arrives on June 23 1988 not as a sudden epiphany but as a desperate plea for help taking the next breath. Peter dismantles the idea of 'self-help,' arguing that recovery requires the death of the ego and a total surrender of the steering wheel. He details the gritty process of Step Three from writing out his old conceptions of a 'cruel' Higher Power to the sacred candle-lit moment of surrender with his sponsor in Brooklyn. He moves from being a 'bleeding deacon' of judgment to finding a neutrality that allows him to be a useful agent for others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Tim reads a passage from the Big Book regarding selfishness and self-centeredness.
• 5:12 Laughter: Peter discusses his 'loosey-goosey' attitude toward the COVID lockdowns in Florida.
• 12:45 Peter describes his internal rage and the habit of putting fists through walls as a child.
• 17:20 Peter discusses the difference between having information and undergoing a spiritual transformation.
• 22:15 The wreckage of Alphabet City: urinating blood and living in abandoned buildings.
• 27:40 Peter recounts his mother's struggle with alcoholism and suicide, and his initial resentment toward a 'cruel' Higher Power.
• 34:10 Peter describes the 'soul sickness' and the necessity of dying to self.
• 41:20 Step 3: Peter's sponsor has him write out his old and new conceptions of a Higher Power.
• 46:15 The sacred moment: Peter and his sponsor kneel face-to-face to perform the Step Three prayer.
• 52:30 Peter discusses the 'human beingness' of recovery and the danger of playing Higher Power.
• 58:10 Peter reflects on the 'keystone' of the Third Step and the freedom of surrendering the script of his life.