12 Steps to Being Launched – Toronto June 2016 – Part 2 of 2 – 2016 – Peter M.

I'll just share something with you before we get going. First, thank everyone for hanging in there in the heat. We'll be out of here, try to get you out of hier quick. I work with lots of books. Sometimes they just don't speak to you, sometimes they do. And I've learned that if you pick up a spiritual book and it's not resonating with you, It's just not time. And there's some other books you just need to work with. And so I had this book, call it Eastern Philosophy, and I just couldn't get past it. And after the first few pages or so, I just threw it on my nightstand and it was there. I had as much dust on it. And one particular evening, the book starts calling me and I pick it up and I, you know, just kind of browsing through it. I'm simple. I look for the pictures first. before I began working with it. And a couple of pages in, I found something that has nothing to do with AA in the book, but has everything to do mit AA. And so much so, I've been moved to share, and it says this. May I become at all times, both now and forever, a protector for those without protection, a guide for those who have lost their way, a ship for those who have with oceans to cross a bridge for those with rivers to cross a sanctuary for those in danger a lamp for those without light a place of refuge for those who lack shelter and a servant to all in need and I thought that was what we are and do in Alcoholics Anonymous us. And I've said before, God wants our soul. And God's going to take us to places we can't volunteer to go. And i don't want to be anywhere God is not. And god's truth has no boundaries. We need to experience stuff like this. And we will be inspired in a meditation. We will be inspired out of prayer. We will be inspired just in contemplation and reflection, develop a life of interior prayer, seeking God in everything, a life of practicing, living in the presence of our creator, all while we're growing and understanding the effectiveness in 10, 11, and giving the whole thing away in 12. And sometimes we go to a meeting and we bristle at antagonism still when we hear about God and the problems within you, not the message. The problem's within us, not the God, whatever our conception of God is. And God has heard the heart, reads the soul and one of the greatest gifts I've gotten is knowing that I am known by my creator. Knowing that I'm known by me. By my creator and my God will answer me, inspire me, inspire you, inspire us together individually and something that came to me recently was I give God my soul and he gives me my life. I give god my life and he gave me purpose. I give god my mind and he give me a heart. I give god my sinfulness and he givs me forgiveness. I gave god my drunkenness and he geve me sobriety. And I give God my sobriety, and he gives me you. And he continues to serve me, which is unbelievable that we have this big, powerful, omnipotent God who serves us. So we continue to grow in understanding and effectiveness and step 10 talks about incredible 10-step promises. Well, I've ceased fighting anything or anyone, dash, even alcohol. It's almost an afterthought. So we had the book meet us where we are. Who am I fighting? Who am i wrestling with when no one's around? What kind of drama is my mind bringing up? And we love drama. If you usually got drama, I'll get involved in your drama. If you don't have drama, he's got drama. If neither of you have drama. I will invent drama. Just gotta get something going. Cease fighting anything or anyone. Everything's good. Kids are good. Wife's good, husband's good health is good, money's good house is good everything's good beautiful day, sunny day I'm sitting on the couch watching a ball game everything's going to mind says yeah but remember you're going to die soon which is true and here we go and then it starts so who am I wrestling with? I don't have much none of us have much time get this right, by the way. Because if we think about it, we're running out of time. From the day, if we take a look at the day we were born, whatever our birthday is, the day you popped out of mama, doctor slapped you on the butt, boom, first breath. From that moment, from that second, we are already running out of Time. You ever watch 60 Minutes? Tick, tick, tick hours up, new show. Done. From The Moment We're Born, we are running out of time and then the day is going to show up where God says come home and we can't say now hold on I need to go to work again it's been a long time I need a meeting I have to call my sponsor about this God so hold on we're going home we're running out what are we doing about it squandering hours that may have been worthwhile maybe a sense of urgency to get this right so I can be right with everything that's around me, with all the challenges we have. Cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol, for by this time, it says sanity will have returned. Back in step two, remember to point it to solution, to point to get to this place of wholeness of mind. Sanity, step 10 says, you got it. I'm not running away from booze. I'm going to do it. I'm drawn to it. it says the problem does not exist. Think about this. We come in here drowning, figuratively speaking, in booze and other stuff. The lifestyle is blown up. And even after all of that, we still want to have another drink. Our life is consumed by it. And so are other innocent lives consumed by alcoholism. We engulf all whose lives touch us. Our book tells us that. We bring misunderstanding, fierce resentment, it goes on and on and on. Warped lives, blameless children, we bring financial hardship, we do it all. Now we get to step 10 after being diligent with the first nine, enter the world of the spirit. It says the problem has been removed. I'm not thinking about drinking. I're not obsessing about drinking that there's a drink on the table, I'm here. There's a drink on a table, what else is going on? We go to weddings, we go to all sorts of affairs where people drink and get drunk and I'm not diving into the shot glass. I'm not looking at the Jack Daniels going, oh my God, I remember Jack Daniel's. What a love affair I had with Jack Daniel. Oh boy. Or if I look at the Jack Daniel, all the brandy, I am not going oh boy, I can use a little bump. Who's got none of that and I've done we get to a place where we do a ton of 12 step calls hopefully and we pour the stuff down the drain and sort of powder down the toilet and get rid of the works and all the pipes and all that other jazz and we go in untouched and come out untouched with no euphoric recall no oh my god I wish I could maybe I need a meeting after this because I'm really banged up after this 12 step call in a position of neutrality safe and protected I'm not drawn to it, I'm nicht running away from it the problem has been removed. It says it does not exist. I don't have to think the drink through, remember I come from play to tape the end, keep it green, I don' t have to do any of that stuff. I don''t have to take a detox commitment to keep it clean. Did you ever hear such a selfish thing in your life? People take detox commitments, H&I commitments to go into a treatment center, go into detox so I can keep it dream by looking at the sick and suffering. Don''t take the commitment, please, go to work. I'm using your hardship to keep it dream for me Shame on you. Go to work, be spiritually fit, and go off for a message. I don't have to do any of that stuff anymore. Step 10 says I've entered the world of the spirit. Experientially, can we talk about what it's like living in the world of the Spirit? Experientally, meaning here's my experience walking in the world of The Spirit, and let me hear yours. And we talk abut that. For newcomers, it might seem like mumbo-jumbo, but we have definitive language, if you will, to talk about what this looked like and felt like. Like that plane experience. Step 10 is a 4 through 9 every day. My navigation through today. What am I looking for? Turn, watch, aware, and observe. Turn, in order to go out. I turn into God in order to go without. Because if I don't turn in, I will go without which means I'm in me, I'm in self-reliance. I'm running on me again which means i'm headed for trouble with something or somebody. I didn't I'm not in a place of cease fighting anything you want I'm incollision with everything I know what you're thinking You didn't say that. I just know what you think and it's not good So now I hate you It just comes The spiritually being spirit result to being spiritually fit is that this awakened spirit provides me with, it just comes being a position neutrality safe and protected. I'm not running away from booze. I're not drawn to it. And the same thing with the trouble spots as we navigate through the day because I have an inventory I can do. They talk about, we discuss it with someone immediately in step 10. I have immediately folks who I give spiritual consent to. Hey, Joe, I got in immediately. I can't get a hold of my sponsor. I have a sponsor and a couple of guys. My sponsor encourages me to do this. I can reach the sponsor, but something hooked me. Got a fear that just took me. Got a resentment that just hooked me." Sometimes I do get my sponsor, sometimes I don't have time to write it down. I'm just a little twisted up. Call Mickey. Mickey, you got five minutes? I got it immediately. Go. What do you got? Well, here's what happened. He's okay. and I get someone who's objective, unaffected by that and spiritually fit says let's take a look at this and then trickle it back to where are you at fault a little self-reliance, a little ego, whatever it might be a few months ago I remember it was a Monday and I left Marion's office and I got my car and I'm like I get like a volcano about to just blow about someone who was really treating her and I unkind in the business. And I couldn't do anything. My hands were tied. And so I called my sponsor, and I said, Mick, I'm hooked. What do I do with this? He said, well, what's going on? And he kind of walked me through it. And just that, I could feel the air back in the lungs, my shoulders dropping. It's really not that important. I'm above ground, second air and soul And so is Mary and we're good Everything's good This is just a sick and suffering person Who wants to inflict harm on anyone in his view When I fight you They win The book says we cease fighting anything and anyone I have the power Why are they getting power When we have thepower Oh yeah there's another power at work We know about that power That's always conjuring up something not good But no match for this power All you have to do is, okay, God, you've got to call in the troops here. And the troops is the sponsor or support group. You get it hooked. So I work with the immediately word. And if I need to make amends for something, I will do it quickly, not 90 days. Now, hey, I was unfair about it. I needto talk to you about this. Really sorry about that. What can I do to make it right? Four through nine, we're writing an inventory. I write out the inventory. Discussing it with five. We're looking at the defects that showed up again. And amends if anything's owed. Get on a horse, keep riding. Chop wood, carry water. Chop wood carry water, right? The labor, the plowing in the field, not for applause, not for money, not for anything. It's what we do. We're God's workers. The harvest is plentiful. The labor is a few. I'm the laborer. We chop wood and carry water all for the glory of God. That's all. He knows what I'm doing. He sees the hands are blistered and cut, figuratively speaking, by the way. And that's the work we do quietly. And God rewards us openly. It loses its effect when I tell you, let me tell you what a great A.A. man, I work on all these people. I'm a sponsor. I'm profound. I'm incredible. We just lost the whole thing. Carry the vision of God's will into all my activities, my step 10 tells me. Every day is a day I must carry the vision of God his will into my activities. His will, not mine, be done. What's that look like? What does it look like to carry the vision of what God's willing to do in my activities? I don't know. So what I do is I surrender. That to God. God, I send out my will for yours. Allow me to carry the vision of your will into all my activities. Show me what relationships to have and how to have them. Please protect my soul from being poisoned. Remove the hypocrisy from my soul so I can better serve you. One of the prayers I work with every morning. And off I go. I'll go about my day working, whatever I'm doing. that's my going around step on awakening it says on awakening not in three hours then I have to have a pot of coffee and a carton of cigarettes oh by the way God is God praying to God is my prayer life the most important event of the day or one of the 10,000 things I need to do that day is it the number one priority on awakening now sometimes we might get a little stalled because something happens Is it, you know, an incident in the house or work calls you in on a 9-1-1 or maybe the children are sick on it, whatever it might be. But overall, what's my practice like? On awakening or on whenever I'm ready? Because if I wait an hour or two, an idiot started running my life an hour ago. An hour or 2 ago. I think about the 24 hours a day. Okay, God. This is on awakening. Because as soon as you open up your eyes, we're in. Game on. What are we going to do with this? Because I have no idea what's in front of me. So God, okay, let's do this. What do you got for me today, boss? And God will give me certain things to do. Sometimes maybe it's a day off. Go to the beach and hang out. Okay, good. Sometimes it's all day off, a whole lot. Maybe it's hearing a fifth step. Sometimes we don't know. But God will allow me to navigate. And really, there is no struggle. Struggle is an illusion, by the way. It's a mask to the truth. I know right from wrong. The struggle is I want what I want, and God wants something else. And I'm trying to push my will on God's will. Now I have fear. Now I Have Frustration, Doubt, Skepticism, and a lot of Resentment. Struggle is an illusion. I should not be talking to this young lady right now. And I am in a struggle because I want to. I should NOT be taking a day off from work and telling my boss I have the flu and I am laying at the beach. But I want TO. I am IN A STRUGGLE. And I AM JUST USING THAT AS AN EXAMPLE. Struggle is an illusion. It's a mask to the truth. We all know. We know what we're doing. I'm struggling. I can't get right. I'm going to meetings. You just need to do the work. There is no struggle here. Surrender, give up, get a sponsor, take me through the work, no more struggle. It's my self-reliance. It'smy current agnosticism. when agitated or doubtful throughout the day I pause, ask for the right thought or action okay God what do we got constantly turning in, turning in when I get home at night I do inventory have I missed nights? absolutely I have there's been times I come home and Marion wakes me up on a couch I'm still in my dress clothes from total exhaustion sometimes you're just ill but over the last 28 years i will tell you i've been incredibly consistent i have to be disciplined to the spiritual life we get disciplined to the spiritual so writing inventory is just like breathing you write inventory and to tell everybody no special you know rewards for writing it's what we do you write imagery i like the effect produced by god i write inventory the way i sit in my prayer room slash office room and do a lot of reading and studying. A lot of working with books. A lot listening, a lot watching, just a lot of stuff. I don't expect any of this. That's what I do. The way I've been made. Discipline to the spiritual life. And the discipline walk is a narrow walk through a narrow gate. But somebody's got to be the light for where it's dark. imagine having a lamp to light up the room and sticking it under the table that makes no sense where do you put a lamp on top of a table why it looks pretty but people can see and if you're driving down a block you say they must be home someone's home because the lights on. Or if you're lost and you're driving down a dirt road and you don't know where you are and it's blackout, can't see anything. And up ahead you see light. Somebody's there. There's hope. I won't be lost as soon as I get there. Well we are the lights and we need to stand up in a sense on a table so that drunk out there somewhere sees us, sees light. Not doom and gloom but sees hope, sees refuge, sees compassion and non-judgment that comes in here with all their stuff and says, yeah, we got it. We've been there. We know exactly where you are. Welcome. No dues to pay, no access to grind, nothing to welcome for fun and for free. I can't do that if I'm not spiritually awake. I will judge everything, critique everything, be skeptical, doubt, anger. It's all about me. so i do nightly review at night i constructively review my day and i do my inventories all of them in four column inventory that's the way i do it fears i do a little different and i discuss them because the solitary self-appraisal is insufficient so all my inventors i write get get to my sponsor and on wednesdays at seven o'clock i'm on the phone my sponsor if you call me between seven and eight i'm probably not going to pick up because I'm on the phone with Mickey and at 7 o'clock I dial his number on my cell phone it rings a couple of times and he says hello Peter see it's that simple we'll say you know AA hotline and then for the next hour sometimes longer it's either inventory it's big book it's scripture it's life it's sponsor it's teacher it's student I'm the student and he gives me notes, he gives me considerations and then I'm done and if I need to call the next day I have that ability to do that and the green light to do it. In fact he encourages me to call him even more than I do but Wednesday at 7 is our time which means he's not on the line and I'm not on the line. It's a great thing, it's also called accountability The practice of meditation we can do an hour talk just on meditation if we wanted to and the power behind that and going into God we need to meet God in the quiet in solitary and when we meditate you know some of us have I have an altar in this prayer room and we have the sage and the bells and the chimes and the incense and all the stuff and the music and lots of stuff lot of stuff but we got to meet God alone in the raw can't take sage, can't take chimes, can's take CDs, can' take anything, it's you and God and so that's how my meditation looks for the most part sometimes I'll burn sage sometimes I have my little gong I'll read just to help get me centered but just about every day is just breath and posture, posture and breath. And I wait. I don't petition, I listen. And incredible things have come out of that. Earlier I said knowing that we're known by our Creator because out of meditation I was given direction to follow through on certain things that came to fruition. I said oh my God there really is a God. One with the passing, two of them with the passing of my mom for example. Where these riddles were answered. And so I go back and I go into darkness to see And silence to hear And I get the soul food in the meditation So what do I do after prayer And surrendering I sit and I listen Sometimes I work with I used to work with some chanting All these things to get centered A centering prayer Little readings to get centered But for the most part I do none of that After my surrender prayer And I still work with a third step prayer And a seventh step prayer Because I love those prayers I work with the Lord's Prayer. I love those prayers. They're all about centering, and the words in those prayers are really falling short of what's behind each word. Our Father who art in heaven. Great words. Incredible depth and weight. Our Father, this God is my parent. What is heaven? To you it's one thing, to her it's another. But we all can say it must be some place called Shangri-La, some utopia, some innocent place, some incredible place. that's where he lives we're directing, hey listen you up there I'm talking to you it doesn't point to any particular religion it just says our father so I work with these prayers and then I go into the sacred silence and sometimes I walk away and it's just quiet time that's all it is, just quiet time whether it's 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes whatever it might be, and sometimes it's longer and events come out of that direction comes out of it, which I would have never known if I didn't go in. And what am I supposed to do with all of this? Give it away pass it on Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics Intensive work with other alcoholics. Immunity from drinking Immunity from drinking, intensive work with other alcoholics. Immunity means I'm free, I'm off the hook. But the condition is I need to work intensely with another drunk, which means that giving you my number is not intensity. But taking it two to 12 steps is. Have we gone to heaven? I hear music. Okay, okay. Well, we'll get out of here. Just give me a couple of minutes because I think the band's about to go and we need to get out here. practical experience shows that no nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinkings as intensive work with other alcoholics carry this message to other alcoholcs we can help when no one else can we can secure their confidence when others fail life will take on new meaning to watch people recover to see them help others to watch loneliness vanish to see a fellowship grow up around you about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience we sure you will not want to miss. We keep on the firing line of life and God will keep us unharmed. I've had the opportunity to do many 12-step calls. I've sponsored lots and lots of men in Alcoholics Anonymous. My first sponsor was a guy named Tony N., and then it was Mark H. I worked with Gary B. Don P. had his hands on me. Joe H. had his hands on me Joe K. had His hands on Me And now Mickey Mossett is my teacher I'm a punk kid From Brooklyn to be quite frank Maybe punk's a strong word But And I land in Alcoholics Anonymous And I'm given This This kind of rich lineage No better or worse, just this rich lineage Of people whose lives were committed To AlcoholicsAnonymous and helping others And worshipping this power called God And I get to pass that on. There's a piece of my life where, since the beginning, the men I sponsor feel I'm a good sponsor. There's an area in my life, maybe it's God's way of keeping me right-sized. I don't feel like I'm one of those sponsor guys. I take guys to work. I take the calls. I go visit with them. I do whatever I can for them. But there's the sponsors who do the dinner thing. They take you to dinner. We do ball games together. We go on outings. I'm not that guy. I don't want to be mean or anything. I'm just not that guy. We'll hang out, we'll do a barbecue with 30, 40 other people. You're my family, my lineage, you come over. But I'm not that hung out with my sponsor all day today guy. I'm the guy that we sit down, I become involved in your life, you become in my life, but right now I'm teaching and you're the student. And some sponsors do it different. and I think there's all different flavors and influences on how we do this at the end of the day they're going to get this, they're gonna get everything in me and they're gonna get this God I can't be all things to all people I've tried that, I get drunk over that so I pass it on for fun and for free I've gone through our traditions to be a member in good standing so I know what it is I belong to and not give my opinions on things I don't know anything about. But I try to point to our traditions in order to help my group and help my life. Give a consideration in closing here, because to be quite frank, I'm out of steam. I think I lost about 50 pounds sweating today. I'm starting to sound like the Godfather any minute, another couple of minutes. What do you mean? So consideration. We talk about the grace of God, but for the grace of God. God, God, we hear a lot of God in AA as we ought to. But for the Grace of God I love my God but for the grace of God. So let's pretend, we'll call an alley here. Every day he comes to my house. Rain, shine, inclement weather, whatever it is. Every single day he comes to my house every day. I don't ask him. He comes in and what he gives me every single day, is close to wear food to keep me fit, gives me a job to have money in my pocket, gives meet a roof over my head in the bed I'm sleeping in, gives me dignity, gives integrity and on a silver platter gives me 24 hours of sobriety. And if I'm a good guy he might even give me a little relationship, maybe and give me a little vehicle to get around where it just gives. And on the way out the door, he says, I love you. Doesn't expect I love your back, nothing. Every single day, and I come to depend upon this now. And at every meeting I go to, I'm saying, Ali is the greatest guy. I love my friend Ali. He does something that I can't do for myself. Praise Ali. Ali is a great guy. You've got to meet Ali. He's just wonderful. Turn your will and life over to care of Ali. Okay. and then one day he says to me hey pete i'm having a little get together at my house can you come to my house for one hour on sunday can you do that i'd be honored for you to be there and i say well who's going to be that and he turns out i don't like those people he's okay No problem. Next day comes to my house, gives me all that stuff again. Does this every single day. And I'm saying what a wonderful guy he is to everybody. Six months a year goes by, he says, Pete, I'm having an event at my house. A little get together. Please can you come to my home? Can you come over to my place for an hour? And I still don't go. But I'm telling you what a great guy he was. Am I not a hypocrite? Am I now a fraud? so the consideration i don't want to break any traditions let's take a look at our religious communities i know we say is our church and our synagogue and our mosque and it goes on and on and but many of us know where we belong and we have some contempt and some anger and some resentments which i get because i did too but since when is okay for us to sit in that stuff and expect to be free so we do the work on it this God that we praise in Alcoholics Anonymous, that we get to the steps and we find God and we talk about the grace of God, God, God, God, God, God, tell the newcomer you got to let God do it for you. We're always talking about God. Can I go to his house for one hour a week? Sometimes it's 50 minutes. One hour a day. One hour. One hour, just one hour. Just go there to his House. Do nothing. Sit in the back row or wherever and say, thank you for everything. Hang out for an hour and go home. I've gotten too busy for that. Because on a Sunday morning if I said, hey, you want to speak at the group anniversary? There will be 400 people there. It's 9 o'clock. You're going to drive two hours. Road trip. He's off and going. Nothing gets in the way of that. But on a Saturday morning, whatever your services are, oh, I'm really busy that day. No, you're not. You made yourself busy. can i go to my father's house whatever god we praise whatever god we worship for one hour who's given us alcoholics anonymous i mean he sent in bill and bob and the first few members where do you think that came from somebody sobered up bill somebody sober up bob somebody sober up bill dotson and so on somebody sobering up us and gave us this place to come to because no one else wants us and that very god who's infinite who has no beginning and has no end it just is i can't go to his house whatever our religious background is and just say thank you that's all enough to get involved with they just say i'm in your house to give you the respect that you give me for fun and for free and say, thank you. Now who's the hypocrite? Me. For years. So my deal with him is I go to his house and I willingly glow. I go. I bleed willingly and joyfully for this God. I pick up my cross and off I go whatever he gives me. He's coming from him. And I carry it. I've carried a lot of loads in a day, but I do it willingly and joyfully because without it, I'm lost. Without it, you have a different speaker. Without this power, I'm drunk. And if I get drunk, I know I will surely die. I love living my life with all the challenges. I love the friends I have with all The Challengers. I do this for fun and for free. I serve my God and he rewards me openly in abundance as he does with you. I need to go to his house once in a while. Not instead of A8, but along with. Just a consideration. Thank you for listening. That's all I got. Thank you so much.