Bondage of Self and Character Building – Women’s Book Study – Part 6 of 13 – Bob A.

Probably, I know for what I needed to have, I needed some things about me. I had to learn some things about me that I didn't know. I thought I had a good mind. I thought knew a great deal about everything. Anything you talk of, I think I know a great deal about it. Whenever you say something, I have something inside of me that says I understand. When I say I understand, that means I know every damn thing there is no, and you ain't got nothing to tell me and I ain't going to listen to you. And this is the way I look at life. I really do, you know. Is that I understand. You talk to me about anything. I don't care what it is, you Know. And so I didn't know about willingness now. The reason to have willingness. Willingness is something that I have to acquire by principle. I have learn that willingness is a state of mind in the day I'm in. But I don' t know that I've already been introduced like in step 2 with an open mind with a mind that doesn't quarrel by principle by living it by using these principles the character that I am I change I'm a different character I'm not using the old character the old characters always there always will be there but I'm building a new character and the new character I'm doing is because of the steps and because ofthe power that's there in the steps meaning God this here is hard to separate sometimes Sometimes I know I think real fast. Sometimes I think so instantly that I give no thought to God, to steps, to anything. I just answer, period. Well, there comes a time and this is in step application that I learn to slow down. I started in two and didn't know it. I started into about an open mind. When the mind isn't occupied by self, closed with self, living with self opinionated with self that there is a chance now that I can have something. And the reason why is that I came to believe in a power greater than me to restore me to sanity. Now, restore me the sanity would mean it would be very, very foolish for me to instantly go to me. Step three guarantees me that I could have something I never had before. I can ever power. The power is called God. This God can do what I can't do. This is why there's steps now in step building. step one, step two, step three. If you build steps by individual steps where you do one and now you're done with it. Do two, now you've done with it. You can't build a character. You can. It's impossible. I tried it. That's what I used to think I did. I studied so hard. I stayed awake all night long reading steps, steps, steps. But I read them the wrong way. I didn't read them by principle. I din't read them by application. I read them by numbers. I read them by problems. I read them that if I get in trouble, I can do this. And I'd pick a step that does that and I'd do that. And that was the way I did it. Honestly, I didn't know any better. There wasn't anybody around to tell you different. All he kept saying is you'll be a winner. Keep coming back. In the meantime, die a thousand deaths but keep coming back and that's exactly what I did. But you see there's got to be introduced or at least I think so anyway, to show you that building a character is a daily living life. It starts in step one and it starts by principles or truths, call them what you will. And they're a method of living. They're a way of thinking. They'RE a way of acting. The reason they put one and two in there so that three can be there in my life for the purpose is therefore that I had to have something, something different than than what I've had. The Word itself, I never liked it. I didn't like it. I didn' t want to hear it. And the Word is God. And yet though, in step three, the thing that I was missing all the time was always right in front of me. And when I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God, I gave Him God. I gave God everything I could give Him. And every moment I could, the best I could. Some days wasn't very good. Some days wasn't 100%. But it was 100% of what I had. and I had to learn that this is what God all God wants of me he wants he wants me to do the best I can he'll take care of the rest this is important now this will take you through take you though death it'll take you thru sickness of any kind it'll taker thru many days that there's no way I'd survive my life in Alcoholics Anonymous has always been backed up by step three see in chapter 3 in page 36 now at the bottom of 36 and the bottom of 36 it's talking about how we want to be dependent on being sober and we're dependent on a lot of things and we don't even know it we don' recognize it and we' re dependent like even right now on that air conditioner or that coffee pot or maybe the lights or whatever it is. And you take that dependency for granted. You don't even think about it. You don' t give it consideration whatsoever. It' s there because it' s here and that' s all there is to it. But if you read page 37 at the top and this means so much and it has such an impact because of what we' re all here for. I' m here to learn. I' M here to find a new way of life. I'm here to learn about principles, application. And I found out when I first got here that being sober, that was not the name of the game. That was not. But what does it say on 37? It says on 37, but the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how differently we behave, how persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody's going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters, besides we think there's no one we surely can trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee a success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy wherein each man plays God sounds good in speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test. How well does that actually work. One good look at a mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic. You see, now these, what I'm saying now is very, very important. This is what I've been talking about. And the reason it's important is because it's so important in my life today, this day, now, today. I've done this, I've read this many, many times for many years. But that's for yesterday's life. That's for something that's gone by. What we're talking about now is talking about how to treat alcoholism today, this day, now. How to live in a world, a world that we all want to live In because it's a good world. It's a world that I never knew existed because it is full of good people, good events, kindness, consideration, love, patience and all kinds of love offered to you. Never before was that possible. Never. Because of my mind. It was always up to me. I'm the one who was the enemy and I didn't even know it. I'm the one that stopped the relationships I'm not the one that stopped God's will I'm no one that stepped out in the picture and got lost and every time I got lost it was only because I was with me here in step three by principle by principle principle I have to call them truth truths are a living thing I live by the truth I don't lie I don' t need to lie it's a truth if I tell the truth the character that I am the principle that I use is I don't lie but you see I know how to look at things like that but I don' t know how to look a things like principles what's the principle there's a principle behind everything in step two we could have read it in step 2 even where scientists have principles they have a principle of search and research always with an open mind that's a principal you see I don''t look at life like that I don ''t look at life and say I wonder what the principle is this I wonder what the principle is of that. I just respond to whatever it is. But I know the truth. I know The Truth. And The Truth will always seek The Truth out, too. And this is something I had to learn from me. This is where self-honesty... Self-honestly has to be in me for me. After that, I can be honest with you. But first, I have to be honest with me. And this ist hard to do sometimes, but it's there to do, and I do it. Because what I do in the day I'm in guarantees me success with my life today as I live my life today. Success isn't money it isn't acquisition of things that cars and homes and different things like that but what it's about it's a it's not living in a mind that I have it's about looking inside of me it's about seeing inside of me things that never were there before the kindness or the consideration Never, never was there. It was always the opposite. What's in it for me? I can see people are in trouble and go right past them. They don't affect me at all. I used to have trouble with street people hitting you for money years ago when they were legitimately street people. And I wouldn't give them a dime. I'd think they ought to go to work. You know, they're probably going to drink that. But all of a sudden God wrapped up my brain and he told me to do something. He said, that money in your pocket, give it to him. And when I gave it to Him, I felt better. And when it felt better, God rewarded me more. He gave me better feelings, better eyesight, better relationships. He gaveme a better day. You see, this is all about principles now. This is about application. This isn't about talking about it. I'm talking about only because I believe that I have to carry this message. And this message is what I do. I do all the time because I think it's needed. And the reason I think it's need is because God gives me the opportunity. He gives me The Words. I don't have to remember nothing. I don' t have to think in terms. I wonder what I should say here, what I sould say there. I don''t need to. I ask God to power me, strengthen me, guide me, protect me with His words. I ask for all of you too by the way. It's the same thing. And that's the basis which Step 3 gave me when I opened my heart God came there he was always there but I wouldn't let him there God would never do anything for me I won't let Him I didn't know it I just didn't know I didn' t know that everything I need in the day I'm in will be supplied whether I believe that or not makes no difference it still will be supplied all I have to do is trust in God that's why on page 98 when it talks 98 in your big book it says burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone provided he trusts in God and clean the house see house is where I live my subconscious mind is where I live and this is what they were talking about all the time here now you know we ought to do we're coming into some parts of step three we probably ought to do some questions here as many as we can for if there's any to go for and then he might answer them later but he'll answer them now but any other questions no right Okay, we'll start. You talked about you having a living God with you at all times. When do you pray to him and how? Prayer with God is a relationship. This is learned, that I learned, when we get to step 11, it will be more pronounced there. But you see, I had to learn in step two that I self-talk. I'm the authority. I'm The Power. I have a closed mind. I have an argumentative mind. Step three tells me that I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him. Now, turning my will or my life over to carry God as they understood Him could mean prayer, could mean anything at all. But what I had learned is that I have to have something as a power that's greater than me with me all the time. If I don't have it, I left it home in the bedroom on my knees probably or someplace like that. That's what I did in the beginning. But I didn't know any better. Nobody would tell me. Nobody would say anything to me about a relationship. I built a relationship with me. I built an relationship with me all my life. I'm the authority with me I go to bed with me, I wake up with me I eat with me I shave with me I'm with me all the time. That's a relationship Why can't I build a relationship with a power greater than me that I call God. He's the Lord. Why can't I ask God to help me, guide me, direct me, strengthen me? Now, right now. Right now. Why can I thank Him and praise Him for allowing me to be here? I don't have to petition Him. I don' t have to ask Him favors or anything else like that. But that's a God consciousness. You see, I have a self-consciousness going on. Check your own mind out and see if that isn't true. See what your mind, who your mind is associating with. Are you associating your life to yourself? Are you talking to yourself? Are you thinking with yourself? You have to look at it. You must look at It. I had to look At It because I didn't know nothing about anything about life. I took life on life's terms and I thought that's what it's all about. Man, there's no way I'll take life on Life's terms. It's too severe. I'll Take Life on God's Terms. That there is a guarantee. But you see, that's a long time ago for me but it's still today. It still happens today. it's still the same disease today time doesn't heal it time doesn'T erase it so you see this here relationship now I can pray to God anywhere at any time I don't have to get on my knees I do I can say to him right now right this minute I can praise him thank him acknowledge his presence here I acknowledge my presence I'm talking about whatever I'm taking about why can't I talk to God too you see that's a relationship That's a dependency. A total dependency. A total dependence has to be looked at. A total appendices is for everything in my life and all of my affairs. What's my affairs? Every thought. Every thought, if God doesn't go with me, you know who's with me? Me. If I don't talk to God, you knew who I talked to? Me. Check your track record out and see if that ain't true. See yourself sitting in the corner getting moody. See who you're talking to. This is a way of life. This is something that, believe me and honestly, this is something that it's unbelievable. To me it was unbelievable to think that I could have a wayoflife all day every day. As simple as that. As easy as that with no more than living by principles. Instead of living by self the building of the character the new the new character is hard to understand in the beginning because of what it is. But it becomes a way of life. It becomes something you do in the market. You do it in your car. You do that wherever you're at. Doesn't make no difference. You can be with somebody eating with somebody and you can practice the presence of God. You can back up with thoughts that are not your thoughts. God will supply them. But the relationship has to be there for that reason. If it isn't, then you have the relationship itself. The principles they're talking about here all the time, spiritual in their nature, if practiced as a way of life will expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole. That's principles. But them aren't principles to read. They're not principles to talk about. These are principles to live with. You think with principles. You actually think with them. You look at somebody and you look at them with principles, principles, principles of love, unconditional love for who you are, not wanting you to change an inch. No, don't do nothing. Stay like you are because you're like you are and that's the way I love you. You don't need to change for any other reason. Try that. See if it isn't true. See if that doesn't make your mind a little bit kinder. See if It doesn't make you a little more where you want to be somebody now, more of because you're feeling better. You're looking at people and you're seeing people for who they really are. They're good people. This is all about step three. Step three is when I wanted God in my life I asked God to come into my life. How I did it, I did by step three And I did a third step prayer. When I asked God to be relieved of the bondage of self, I was sincere. It was genuine. I meant it. I wanted something. And the second I wanted it, it was there. Just like that. From that time on, I can have a relationship now. The relationship is with God, not with me. Because my God consciousness increases all the time. Every time, every day, I get closer, I get deeper with God. But this is spiritual progress. This will happen to every one of you. I'll guarantee it and give it to you in writing. That if you'll do exactly what I'm saying, that your relationship in the day you're in will grow deeper in spiritual life, spiritual values. You will acquire more of things that are needed for your life to make your life a nicer life, a better life, a fuller life, a life where there's maybe there's people there that are waiting to see you, waiting to talk to you waiting to be with you that's the way it is with me it's always like that who makes that possible do you think I can make that possible impossible but there is something happening here I'm living in God's world God's word God's work is in my mind this is what it's all about this is why these steps have to be done in principle in application in the day you're in if you miss the mark get back if you say something wrong correct it come back I used to talk to God all the time I talked to him many, many times a day I'm sorry God I'm up my old tricks I did it again would you forgive me and then I'd go again I kept doing it over and over and the only reason I did that I did over and nobody told me to do that it was because I felt better inside of me something said that's the way you should do it because all of the things that I used have bothering me were taken away they were eliminated they weren't there they weren' t needed the things that I used to need all the time maybe like some of you maybe you need to express your anger maybe you needs to tell somebody off maybe you needed to do something to satisfy your ego to please your mind this is true this is truth but it isn't necessary in a program recovery because of the fact of what it is there's a power here there's power greater than human power is a power that can do what you can't do. It's given you and I a chance to live in the world we're in by building new characters, not using the old character, not modifying the old creature, building a new character. The old character is always there waiting to be called. Bill Wilson even talks about it here in this book. It is waiting at each man's elbow to resume its destruction. Yes, that's true because of the fact of what it is. It's self and it's the disease. this life I'm saying now it isn't something now that's so far fetched, it isn'T something that you have to do in the future sometime like that, it ISN'T you don't have a long way to go, page 85 in here when it talks in here it means exactly that that we're not cured of alcoholism what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition every day is a day I must carry the vision of God's will into all of my activities What's my activities? Right here, right now. Why can't God be here right now? This is my activity. You see, all of this is true in principle. But you see, principle is what the character produces as I use it. I live it in the day I'm in. If I make a mistake today, I don't walk in water, you know that. And if I do make a mistakes, there is a way to correct it. There is a ways to rectify it so that I can do something about it. so I don't have to suffer and I don' t have to make you suffer that if I do make a mistake there is application of steps in here that will take it away will make it possible and this isn' t just step 6 this is step 10 also so all of us, every one of us there is a way of living here I don´t care what mark of life you are from I don'T care what your job is I DON´T care what color skin you got I DON'T care who you are it´s for you like it´S for me we´re equal every one of us are equal to have this way of life that I'm talking about now it means exactly what we're talking about now, I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him, my will of my life is everything I am, it's everything I am. It's every thought I can produce it's every emotion, every feeling my life is what I do, wherever I go, I'm that man that God says I'll be I can act and think accordingly because it's not coming from the old me or the yesterdays. This is for today's life. This is living for today. The disease is being treated today because I'm the man God says I'll be. This is learning a great deal about what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about. We can go, and I know I can go forever talking about it because this is a never-ending story for every one of us. You see, the reason why is because it has to be here every day. I can't rest on yesterday's sobriety yesterday's prayers yesterday's happiness yesterday's success there's no way I can do that today because my disease will function today because it's by itself again today but why should it be that way why can't it be where it belongs with a power I made a decision to turn my will and life over to care of God as I understood it why can it be like now it is like now All of these here principles that we're talking about are character building principles that you take with you as you live. This is why when we come up to step four, in step four that we can get past that and I don't think it's a big step to worry about and to sweat about or anything else like that but if step three isn't here in principle with one and two there's no way you possibly could do four. You couldn't do it. You could maybe get rid of a couple of things because they're obvious, they're bothering you, you see them and they're there. But how about the rest of you? How about inside of you?" Let's find out about that too then. So step three is one per question that maybe we ought to ask about or talk a little bit about it anyway because we're going to have to hurry along. Go ahead, John. You know, I just wanted to read this because I'm all over the place but mainly all I can just say is wow. I was very confused about the character thinking in terms of good and bad angel-like. My awareness now is my thinking about what I do as a self-talk, a closed mind preconceived ideas. You always said it's not on your terms. I'm aware what you mean now. Explain. My mind is what controls me. An open mind is freedom. Does that make any sense? Sure. well it's a question yeah it is because like we were talking last night and you know I always think in terms of angel-like and as far as the character changing right and what I'm realizing it's what I think about what I do to self-talk about what I do that's the old character and the new character doesn't need that today and I really am aware of that it's like wow as we go along and a little bit farther in we'll be talking about some of this what you're saying the disease of alcoholism see is it can be talked about today this day because it's there always there and it means it's a way of life a way to live a way a thinking and so I didn't know that at one time the things that I looked at the things that I've seen that upset me were not the things that upset me. What upset me was my mind about what I've seen that upset be. And I couldn't get that in the perspective of what it really is for. Because I could be looking at something that's right and it bothers me, and it upsets me. And my mind gets upset. I can look at things that are wrong and my mind is what hurts me. Because it tells me how wrong it is. your behavior whatever it is it's my mind about your behavior that upsets me it's not you but I don't know that see I don' t know who I am I don''t know the power of the mind I don ''t know the capacity that I have of controlling my life using my life going down the freeway seeing another car and my mind tells me And it makes me mad to see them do whatever they're doing. Hell, they could be changing lanes. And I think they're cutting me off. My mind told me something and it upset me. But you see, it does that in where it really does that is with relationships. That's where it realmente does it. That's when the damage is really done. And I mean done severe too. It's because of what you'll do to another person that you love. because your mind tells you something so severely and so strong about their behavior, their action, their words and yet though they didn't even know what they were doing. They didn't event attempt to hurt you and yet you got hurt but if you don't look in your mind you won't see it. You'll still justify everything that you say or think. You'll sill look at that other person with such anger in memory and file it away and keep it there this is what this is all about what we're talking about now because if any of us had to get sober in Alcoholics Anonymous and if we had to get silver and had to keep a mind full of memories full of memories of drunken world and sober world how long do you think we'd last not very long and that's why these here these steps now if you look at it like I look at it and have looked at it is these steps are in a logical order form try to remember that that's a principle they're in a logical order for them to do what they're supposed to do to build a new character to treat your alcoholism as you build that character in the day you're in that's a big order right there but you see it's an order that each of us have to do but it's not an impossibility it's something that you can say I'll get to it tomorrow or next week or next year or something like that if you don't do it today you still got the same problem you've always had and you'll keep that problem too because it's no more than self. It's no longer it's still more than a mind that's still controlling you. Step three I believe the hardest thing about step three is when to make a decision to turn your will and your life over to care of God as you understood Him understood Him does not understand Him. So that means that this life today this life right now if we're building your character right now, if we're living this character right now, God is here in you right now. Because of the step building is what's taking place. Step one, step two, and now step three. You see, you've got a hold of something right now whether you're going to use it. I don't know. That's an individual application. This is not a collective thing. If I don' t do it, I don''t have it. If you don't do it you don'' t have it so this is what we're doing right now is seeing of character building by principles. But don't forget now, we're individuals. You can't do it for me and I can't Do it for you. When are you going to do it? If you're going to do It? That's what I had to ask myself. Exactly. When's this going to take place? When I feel like it? Is it going to Take place next week? Next month? These are hard questions to look at. But they're questions I had To look at because they came here for me. And I want self-honesty. And I want to live with self-honesty. I want to be free, free of a mind that used to take me in the sewer every damn time I used it. So you see, right now this retreat could be one of the most important things in your life. Believe me, it's true. Ready? How do I know how the person wants to know how to know that it's self-talking or my gut talking in a decision I have to make. In step two, in principle, it's always the same thing now. It's been said. It's really hard to hear. I understand that. I have great compassion for anybody. It's hard to hear. But what's being said here is a way of life by application now. You see, I had to learn exactly who I am. I'm a closed-minded person. I have a mind that's already fixed. It's opinionated. It's full of everything. And when it's closed, it's close. Period. That's the only way the world will go and that's the way I want it to go. I had learned that my mind must be open. I must have truly an open mind and the debating society has to be there. The reason why is so that it'll stop me from arguing. To stop me from saying it's wrong, it's right, should be this way, that way, you're wrong, I'm right, and so on down the line. You see, to have this way of life, the principles means how could I go to step three if my mind is closed? Impossible. I could go there and I could read this and keep going and I'm still me. You've got to realize the message here in Alcoholics Anonymous maybe some of you I was used to going to meetings like I was at one time. And I thought I heard people from the podium speak and I thought what they spoke was the truth. It's not. It's misinformation. It's non-information. Because how could it possibly be? How could it possible be that I could skip step three and then have a life that's a good life? How would that be possible? You see, the steps are leading me, building me in a character in the day I'm in. Starting in step one. In one, I had to learn that I had to accept that the disease of a two-fold nature is me. I had hit bottom. I had a look at my life being unmanageable with a drunk sober forever. Two says that I got to come to believe in something other than me that will relieve me of the bondage of self. That's what I have to have is get away from me. How do I get away form me? I can't. My mind's closed. It can't happen. But principles of what we've been talking about. Can you open your mind up now? You can. It's possible. And if you can leave it open, just leave it opened. Just to be receptive to something if it can be receptive because of the fact that it will be there because step three puts it there. And step three says it exactly that I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood Him. I understood that the power in two is called God. It's a power that can give me sanity, soundness, wholeness of mind. It can give Me a life I can't give to Me. It can take away all of these troubles that I see there when I'm with Me. Why not have this? Why not do it right now, in principle? Why not believe? Why not turn your will and your life over to care of God right now? How do you think you do that? Do you have to get on your knees and do it? I don't think so. How do You do it ? You do it with your mind. I ask God to come in and help me. I talk to God, sometimes openly and sometimes maybe just mental, but I'm talking to God. I'm associating my life to God when I talk. To me, I do it the same way too. Sometimes I talk out loud. Sometimes they talk quietly. You can't hear me, but it's the same thing. I am building a relationship. Why can't each in every one of us. How many times have any one of you guys, have you been in trouble? Have you seen somebody in trouble how many times have you went maybe to the hospital and you offered a prayer because you offered a prayer where you were at why can't you offer a prayer wherever you're at it doesn't make any difference if you're in trouble or you're not in trouble why can'T you turn your will and your life over to his care when is that only when you're in trouble no it means exactly this right now what we're doing right now I have to have something with me right now if I don't have something with me right now I have me I acknowledge God I praise God I thank God I identify God I call him by name it's because that's my life the God consciousness isn't hidden I don'T go over in a corner and pray over there and I DON'T want you to know what I'm doing over there this is real this is my life it helps me look at you it helps мне look at the day I'm in it helps mee go through the day being somebody that I never could be by myself before I like myself I like what my mind says to me I like when I like what it does in a day I am in this is all about step three now see from step three when it says what it says I made a decision a decision is something I made it's done I made a decision to turn my will of my life over to care of God I asked God to come in there God is here right now there's no way I can get him out of there there is no way he's there because I made a decision in prayer to do his will not my will to be relieved of the bondage of self the bondages of self is always about the disease of self always to ask God why can't you and I any of us all of us. Why can't we have God with us right now? Helping you, guiding you, directing you. Do you know that we're going to come to a step that says that exactly? Do you knows that we are going to come to the end of the world and come to a step that it says what it says and when it says it's now right now we haven't got there yet but it will be there and this means now why can't any one of us why do you have to wait till you get through twelve steps and then have a relationship with God what kind of God would that be you see it isn't that way at all if you notice in the logical order form you're in first the disease step one second is recognizing the power of self what I do with a closed mind that there is something to have that I can have and three says why not have it why not make a decision to turn my will of my life everything I am over to the care of God as I understood Him understood them is not understand understood that the power greater than me that can do what I can't do it's understood that this power is always there for me because I made that decision to allow God in my heart and he's there and this has got to be looked at for each one of us because maybe you get in trouble maybe you might get in some kind of trouble and you think God left you maybe you think maybe you're thinking there is no God now maybe you've gotten some serious trouble I've been in serious trouble but I've never forgotten that God's there with me this has to be understood understood is a done deal it's understood that this power, this God will always take care of me no harm will come to me no temptation is going to take me away from Him this is all about step three but step three step three if it isn't living it today in principle it's never there and that's covered in step, that'll be in step seven do you believe we are powerless mentally because we have illusion, delusion, obsession a lack of proportion and the ability to think straight yeah, we have we have a disease that is called alcoholism and it talks about it it's in this book here it's on page 60 to 63 and what it says in here I don't know if you guys read any of this stuff or it means anything to you but this is a way of life this is on page 60 and it says the first requirement that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success on that basis we are almost always in collision with somebody or something even when our motives are good and then it goes on go to 62 go to page 62 and it says selfishness, self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles driven by a hundred forms of fear self-delusion, self seeking self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but we invariably find that sometime in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourself and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it will kill us. God makes that possible. these are important words you see like I told you before when I read stuff like this and I've read it for years and I know what it says I know the pages but I read it it becomes new the reason it becomes new is because I get more out of it spiritually my life grows spiritually I have more in the day I'm in spiritually spiritually means the world I'm in becomes a better world there's more people in it that are nicer, more kinder. They have more compassion. There are people there waiting. God says these people are going to help you. Live in my world and you'll be helped. This is true what I'm talking about. Man, I'm telling you I can tell you stories and you probably can tell me many more too about how God has done things for you that you could never do by yourself. Never do by itself. And yet God will keep showing it, keep giving it. This is something now that principle wise if you don't live by the principles you have to remain who you are the old you the new you has to be built but you build it by living it today this day you use the principles today this day you don' t get ready for next week or next month you' re doing the things today to live in the world today because this is your life today now, right now Your happiness, everything is based on today's life. It's based on whether you think it is or not. Stop and think about it. When does everything happen? Happens now. When does success come? Now. Why not have now as a way of life by principles that's guaranteed to each one of us? It's constant. God never fails. God is always there. He'll supply all of your needs. sometimes your wants. You see, that's my life. But this comes again from the same reason. There's 12 steps. If the steps are not presented, if they don't become a way of life, if they're not used as principles for your life and the day you're in, you're still going to have to accept whatever you produce. So even if you've been sober a long time or a short time, it makes no difference. Inside of me, I found inside of me a long while ago a long long time ago, there's still anger inside of me I didn't know how to get rid of it I didn' t even know it was there because time went that I didn''t use it for such a time and then all of a sudden I had to use it and the reason I used it because it was still there to use this is a guarantee that that life that I'm talking about now does not have to be there that anger and that jealousy and that hostility and that memory is coming from an old character coming from me the new character doesn't need to have that kind of thought that kind of life this is a guarantee again why this program of Alcoholics Anonymous in application will supply everything in the day you're in for your life today this is twelve steps in application now we better go on to we're only in three we better go to try to get four and five in anyway before noon yeah oh it's 1144 we're going to have to catch up this afternoon I didn't even realize it was this late I'm sorry I stayed so long maybe I shouldn't have stayed I stayed but it's there we'll get it and also you guys for these questions we'll cover them on the overview on Sunday because that's what the overview is for so we'll just go over these so don't worry these questions will be answered so maybe on step three is there maybe anything at all about three that I don't want to leave you hanging about three in any sense of the word when it says make a decision to turn our will and our life over to hear God as I understood him yeah I don' t understand I don''t understand God I don ''t get that sure I know. Michelle, that's what I meant the other night at the meeting when we were at, is that the step-in-step application, each step is there in the logical order form it's in to have a program of recovery. Now, each step is not a reading step. It's a step by principle in application. But you can't read a principle and have it. You must live it. To have it. In step one, we covered quite a bit in step one. But then when we got into two, two is where you're missing. What you're losing is in two. And what you're releasing in two is the fact that the power of self has never been identified yet for yourself. You haven't accepted who you are as a power. You must learn about yourself. And it takes some time to take self-discipline. But it also takes talking like we're talking right now. Maybe sometimes you have to talk more on a one-to-one only. But you see, what you have to have, you have a mind and this mind you have is closed. The reason it's closed is because you closed it a long time ago by living a life as you lived it. You lived a life whether it was whatever it was, makes no difference it's still your life and you close your mind to it. You have preconceived ideas. You have opinions. You have the authority of self to tell you and guide you and direct you in all your decisions that you're going to make and you have made. It's coming only from you. Coming from you means exactly that. You're producing the rights, the wrongs, the way it should be, shouldn't be.