Without a Fourth Step We’re Able to Bullsh*t Ourselves Much Longer Than We Absolutely Should – John L.

About This Speaker Tape

John L. shares his story at a Laguna Beach meeting with just shy of 14 years of sobriety. Born in New Orleans as an only child to a very Catholic family, his father was an alcoholic who left when John was two and died of the disease in 1976. The Catholic Church convinced him he was born worthless, and he developed an extreme lack of self-esteem paired with a grandiose self-image that produced wildly erratic behavior. He first got seriously loaded at 18 in a rock and roll band in Biloxi, Mississippi, and from that moment drank alcoholically -- there was never enough.

He tells a remarkable story from fourth grade about losing a catechism book and, rather than admit it, running away for the entire day, then concocting an elaborate kidnapping story complete with torn clothes and a limp. When the fake cops came back saying they had caught his kidnapper, John briefly wondered if he had actually been kidnapped. The story perfectly illustrates the alcoholic personality: faced with admitting he was a liar and a thief, he would rather concoct the most absurd reality to deflect responsibility.

His acting career took off in Los Angeles but his drinking and drug use escalated. He sent his wife and children to England so he could drink without guilt, discovered heroin, and ended up selling blood plasma for twelve dollars while watching himself on the television next to his bed. He checked into a hospital in May 1981 just to hide, found the Big Book on his bedstand, read it cover to cover, then concluded he could now drink in peace since he understood the problem. Seven months later, in February 1982, he got sober and stayed sober.

John found a Jewish atheist sponsor who helped him past his Higher Power problem by writing "Higher Power is" on a piece of paper and telling him to finish the sentence. He emphasizes Step Four as the most important step, quotes the Twelve and Twelve on the depressive and grandiose types who resist inventory, and shares how winning his first Emmy led immediately to the thought that he needed another one to balance the mantelpiece. He closes by telling newcomers that each day is an opportunity, that the Big Book is the answer, and that listening to others' stories enriches his own understanding of recovery.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 John introduces himself, mentions being just shy of 14 years sober
• 2:30 Childhood in New Orleans -- Catholic upbringing, father left at age two, born feeling worthless
• 7:00 First time getting loaded at 18 in Biloxi with his rock and roll band and sailors shipping off to Vietnam
• 12:00 Adopting fake personalities in the 1960s -- different names, different countries -- and realizing acting was the only career for a natural liar
• 16:00 The kidnapping story -- ten-year-old John loses a catechism book and fakes an elaborate abduction rather than tell the truth
• 24:00 Career takes off in Hollywood but drinking escalates -- sends family to England, discovers heroin, sells blood plasma for twelve dollars
• 30:00 Filming Stripes with John Candy, Irish wake after John Lennon's death pushes him over the edge into a dark bottom
• 34:00 Checks into hospital May 1981, reads Big Book, concludes he can now drink in peace -- gets sober February 1982
• 38:00 Jewish atheist sponsor helps him past the Higher Power problem -- finish the sentence then pray to it
• 48:00 Winning the Emmy in 1985 and immediately needing another one to balance the mantelpiece -- the alcoholic mind at work
• 54:00 Message to newcomers -- each day is an opportunity, the Big Book is the answer, others' stories enrich your own