Why Knowing the Steps by Heart Means Nothing If You Won’t Be Honest with Yourself – Dave C.

We're dating from Raleigh, North Carolina. This water doesn't even bother me this morning for some reason. First, I would like to thank the committee for inviting Stu and I down here for this weekend. We've enjoyed every minute of it up until now. And I've looked forward to it for a long time. I see many faces out here that I know. I see many miracles. And so many people that I've come to love, and come to love the most, I've found in these retreats. You see, I'm a black stone baby. You see, because my life really didn't begin to make sense to me until I attended my first black stone. And I'm very grateful to be here this morning. For the benefit of some of my northern friends, I am not a minister. But it's a privilege to be with you this morning. I'm often reminded, when I stand up here this morning, seeing the three legacies of Alcoholics Anonymous about the fellow that spoke at the state convention not too long ago. And he announced what his talk was going to be, which was going to be on the 12 steps, the 12 suggestions, and the three legacies. And he began to talk, and he talked, and he talked. And generally, as time went on, people began to leave. After about two hours, everybody left but one man, and he was on the last legacy. This poor fellow kept on sitting there. And after a while, he got through, and of course, he was overjoyed that someone was left. And he walked down from the podium, and he walked up to this man and says, I want to ask you one question. Just why did you stay? And he said, hell, I'm the next speaker. Well, I kind of feel like that this morning. I really feel like the lamb being led to the slaughter. And I know how that cow felt that Bob was talking about. This is not a good feeling, really, but I'm just an alcoholic. I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since September 12, 1957. And for this, I'm very grateful. Very, very grateful. Many people have told me what to say this morning. I fired Dutch's notes, and hell, I couldn't read those. And they were in English, and I couldn't make sense of those. And all I have to tell you is just a story. My own story. And nobody can tell this except me. And I'm not an authority on alcoholics alone. The only thing I'm an authority on is alcoholics. The only thing I'm an authority on is what happened to me. What happened to me. And one of the greatest benefits that I've realized from this program, I guess, is my sanity. Because I was an insane drunk. And with each day of sobriety, as I go along in my sobriety, I can look back and see how insane I was with each day of sobriety. Really see how crazy I was. You know, a lot of people come in this program young. And I'm very fortunate. And this is no disrespect to the older members. Don't get me wrong. But for the benefit of a young man or a young woman, this program will work for you. It worked for me. I found Alcoholics Anonymous, or it found me, rather, when I was 29 years old. I don't know what would have happened to me, if I hadn't found Alcoholics Anonymous when I did. And when the door opened for me, I was lucky enough to go in and sit down and stay. And I haven't had to take a drink since I became a member. A lot of people come in this program and start drinking, I understand, when they're about two years old and don't have any serious trouble until they're about, well, I too was sweetened. I was a little bit drunk. I was a little bit drunk. I was sweet sixteen. Sweet sixteen. And it's a strange thing to me, looking back, and most of the things I tell you are hindsight, looking back into my story since I've gained some sobriety. And most of the things I tell you are my own opinions. But the majority of the things that I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous have come from people that have been here before me. Most of the things that I say this morning are things that I've learned from other people. But I took my first drink when I was sixteen. And because of the way I was raised and the way I was raised, it's strange, it really is, because my father, I think, was an alcoholic. My father died drunk. And he led a divorce in my home when I was a young boy, twelve years' age. And I grew up in my teens, decided to go to college. I was a young boy. And one day I saw an old spirit come. He said, Am I going to marry you? Well thinking of at least a hundred years ago, he said to me that he was just drinking. And he told me he said, No. At 16 years of age, I came in contact with alcohol. You see, when I went to college, there were World War II veterans coming back, and some of these fellows knew how to drink, and they were quite a bit older than I was. And they taught me how to drink, and I began to drink just like anybody else, a few beers here and there and a few Saturday night parties. And I began to enjoy it because it gave me a release. It really did, because I immediately began to gain weight. I would go to 250 pounds all of a sudden, and my ears wasn't as big. And the girls, I got along with them better because I was one of these shy fellows, and I just got loose as a goose. And I enjoyed this. But no such thing as a hangover, and I began to hold this stuff, and I really enjoyed it. I really did. But from the very beginning, from the very beginning, I heard these fellows talk about the sheer enjoyment of drinking and the pleasure that came from it. And I too, I had a awful time in the beginning holding this stuff down. And where I was going to go, I was going to go to the bar. I was going to school. We had a bootlegger that came out to the school campus when we needed him, and it was a thing to take a fifth, and among three people, you just drank what you wanted. And then somebody else would get the bottle, and that's all you had. And I asked the question one night, well, where does the enjoyment come from this? I keep hearing you talk about the thrill of it and really the good enjoyment out of it. And one of the things I learned was that if you drink a bottle of this, you're going to get the same thing over and over again. So I started to drink a bottle of this. And one of the fellows told me, he says, remember, there's a brief interval from the time you take that drink and when you throw up, that's the enjoyment. And I went through this thing for a long time until I too was able to hold this alcohol. And it did strange things to me. I was a different person, and I didn't see any ill effects from it. And this was my freshman year in college. It accelerated on through my college days. And by the time I was a senior, I'd been in the class under the influence of alcohol, like so many other people. And it was no problem. It was just the accepted thing. And maybe my alcoholic behavior started along then. I don't know, but because I started some crazy thinking. I was studying engineering, and I was there playing basketball. I had a part-basketball scholarship. And my senior year, I was offered a job coaching high school basketball down in eastern North Carolina, close to my hometown in Ronald, Brackett. And I decided, well, maybe I should do this. And I did. And I started teaching school and coaching basketball when I was 20 years of age. And I had some students that were older than I was because some of these World War II veterans were going to high school. And now my younger fellow gentlemen are at high school, too. And you know, it's a strange thing. When i began teaching school, I made up my mind that I wouldn't drink any more. That this wasn't a thing to do. After all, I was trying to raise some good citizens, so I just drank on the weekends when I went home. And my mother will let me drink at home. This was accepted. And I'd go home and have a good time and drink on the weekends. George Hilleman, Schnador, mc 꼭 a moment to be an classifyáof you our. got drunk, no serious trouble. Now, all through my childhood, up to the time I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I had mostly everything I wanted as a young man. In other words, I was all good. I had everything I needed, some of the things I didn't need, but I got them. And my mama was good to me, and she loved me. I started teaching in school, and I began to be around people that drank some. It all started with going back and meeting some of my classmates on weekends at distant places like Charlotte or Greensboro for a weekend party. And then it came to the point that I became associated with members of the school board that designed for me. The idea of the school board was about the value of our college education, and the history of our college education. And I wanted to be part of the school at all times. And I was very much a part of that. I enjoyed it very much. But when I was there, it was a very drink. And they accepted this. And it wasn't long, it wasn't worth a very short time before I was drinking in the week on Wednesdays. And then the days began to multiply. And I was around the right people that could protect me while I was drinking. And sure enough, the same thing began to happen to me that has happened to so many of you. I began to live above my means. But I had a mama. And mama would help me out. You didn't make much money teaching school when I started. And because of mother's financial help, I was able to drive a big automobile and have a bachelor's apartment and carry out the floozy women and eat the big steaks. And I was living the life of Riley. I really was. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And I began to shirk my will. And then I was on the throne of God. Come and hold me in the body that I知. 4 But when I is my responsibility or my responsibility in my school work, I'd been in one school for two years and had some success in coaching, and I was offered a much better job. And alcoholicism, I don't guess. I don't know what and if it started then or But as time went on and the drinking began to multiply and the parties began to multiply, the friends began to leave me, and things or problems began to come up in my life, such as finances. I began to do things that you normally don't do, such as—and I shared this experience with a lot of people—writing bad checks. Of course, Mother would always cover these bad checks. And this was at my second school that I began to get in serious trouble on account of my drinking. And yet all this time I didn't know that drinking was causing it. I really didn't. I was young. A lot of people liked me, and I was a success as a coach in this community. It was down in Eastern Elkland. And it got to the point that the school board—I don't know if you remember this—the school board called me in one morning and told me that there were a lot of rumors going around the community about my drinking. And of course, I resented this very much, and I couldn't understand anyone talking about me drinking. Now, I drank, but I drank with the school board members themselves. But I didn't go around the neighborhood drunk or anything. They talked to me about it and told me, they said, The contract is not going to be renewed next year unless you do something about your drinking. And this was when I was about 26 years old. I had already found the morning drink. Now I went to school under the influence of liquor. I taught classes under the influence of liquor. I coached basketball under the influence of liquor. And it got to the point that John Bolleycorn, who was the head of the school board, said, John Bolleycorn was around me all the time, and I was getting by with it. But these people protected me, and my mother protected me, because she gave me the means to finance all of this. And when I didn't have it, I'd do anything to get this liquor. It didn't make any difference. It got to the point that they finally called me in again and said I was going to have to do something about it. And this was long in the spring of the year. And I was in the middle of the spring. And I was in the middle of the spring. About time to renew your contract again. And I told him I would, this man. And he tried to help me an awful lot. And I told him I would do something about my drinking. And you know the alcoholic can do strange things. He can run around in circles and always come up at the same place. I decided, well, maybe what I needed was some companionship. And so I sought companionship. And I met a girl. She was gay. She was gay. My father was gay. a girl and we courted for about two weeks and then we were married. Now this was immediately after school was out and the alcoholic, in my way of thinking, at least this particular alcoholic always did everything on a particular date, a particular date. And I'll never forget we were married on the 4th of July. It had to be the 4th of July and I'll tell you one thing, I didn't get no independence from this because it didn't work out that way. To give you an example of this romance, we carried three other people with us, couples with us, on our honeymoon and things like this. And she knew about my drinking. This was a bust from the beginning. We weren't compatible at all. We didn't have anything in common and we both found out that this wasn't going to work. And because of the fact that I was ashamed of seeking a divorce, yet I was the school drunk, the community drunk, I thought it would be a very shameful thing for me to seek a divorce and we tried this thing for a year and a half and had a little success but it didn't work out at all. Now drinking got me in more trouble until it got to the point that they asked me to leave this school at the end of the year. Several things happened that caused this. Some of them are funny and some of them are sad. But one of the things that I think multiplied this thing was my last year at this particular school coaching boys basketball, we had a coach that had to go back into service. And they asked me to coach the girls basketball team. And I said, well, I'm not going to be a coach. I'm going to be a coach. I'm going to be a coach. And they said, well, you know, I'm not going to kind of get into the anymore said that when he was still in his resource Iraq position towards the time and say, Oh, I know you're influence. Not although the kids I wanted to go back and do this and he did a Yoom versus the divid growth over his drafted. And it sort of administrated and kind of a personagem to tell you the story of his life, last year and the values. Because everybody that you meet on block low available. Now one of my friends, he was with the boy just a girl And she refuses to give up. Now, you may care after I thought. always, because I'd been taught the same thing from the experience. When those boys romped out on that basketball court, you always gave them a pat on the rear and sent them out there. Well, this night I was patting all the girls on the rump, sending them out there. A few of the school board members came down out of their seats and some prayer. And needless to say, the school board met again the next morning. And this was the beginning of the end of this particular school. I left this particular school and I got to the point that I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't really care. I really didn't. The school was out in May and I didn't have a job for the next year. But when another neighbor in the county found out I was leaving, they were desperate and they offered me a job coaching. And this particular school was right at rock bottom as far as schools were concerned. Of course, I was going over there and getting this school out of the rock bottom. And they took me. And my drinking then began. And this particular drinking fell in June when school was out in the following February. And this job didn't work out either because my drinking just multiplied and it got to be just booze, booze, booze. My day when school started and I was drinking all the summer, it began to be something like this. I had to get up in the morning at 4 or 5 o'clock. I had to get up at 5 o'clock. I had to get up at 5 o'clock. I had to get up at 5 o'clock. And drink a pint of booze in order to shave and get my clothes on and get to school and try to teach the class. And I had access to walk about the grounds and this helped. And get through the day until 12 o'clock until I could get to the automobile or to somewhere where I'd hear the pint or get a drink because the shakes began about this time. The whole minute until 3 o'clock when I could get back in the automobile and find this little thing. And find the bill joint on the way home and go by the ABC store and buy nothing to carry me through another night. And drink until I was stoned to the ear and pass out and get up the next morning and do the same thing. And this went on from September until February. In this period of time, this woman that I was married to decided she'd had enough. And she left. I was married to a woman. I was married to a man. And I told her to get married. And it suited me because I began to not care for anything except the booze, and I'd do anything to get it. And one day in February, I don't know when or what time it was, they just asked me for the keys and told me to leave, just told me to leave. And this didn't bother me. This didn't bother me at all. By this time I had made several jails, and yet I still held the job teaching because of the bad checks. And it wasn't an unusual thing for the sheriff of the county to come out and see me at school about a bad check and go before the justice of the peace and make arrangements to cover these things. And Mama kept on covering them. She kept on. And when I lost this job this particular day, I experienced a period that I had never had other than free-of- separated creature being laid off, that was a difficult kalian would give birth to a mother in the tribe. And when someone comes up to us and says, you don't try to tell a case like that to us, they try to give us that answer. You just got to be quiet there. And we had the préliminary story that was left out here. And we heard these seniorroad아被tyed as being so low. So we heard it and so and so. But we had been working, we learned a lot more. And when it came to Kovalev's death in 19 protects. 113.12.34 p.m. photographic record. The more expensive you don't tell me, the e pollina. a combination rows. of Rocky Mountain, North Carolina, where I'd been teaching school. A man came to see me and sat down and talked to me and said, "'Days as your mother has come down here and straightened out all this mess that you got yourself in.'" And I'd painted a bloody path where I'd been in those two weeks and I'd mounted up to a lot of money and I'd got into a lot of trouble and I'd wrote a lot of bad checks. And she'd hired her lawyers to attend to all that get the whole work from one bump. And this man told me, he says, "'Now we're going to send you to a place where they can help you with your sickness.'" Now, I knew I hadn't ate in a long time. And still at this particular time, I didn't understand that drinking was causing all of this. I really didn't. I thought that Mother just wasn't giving me enough money to live on like I should. That's what I really thought. If I had enough of the green stuff, I could handle all these problems. Mother paid this thing out and this man asked me to sign a paper for my admittance. Now, up in our state, a lot of people are going to be in the middle of the country. And I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you the story this morning. It was that area of theThe Grand State of North Carolina. We have an institution known as the Rio San moimeddict Credit Hmışann. . .profit called the Rio San ado, which has a rate list, a little of it isökterof insertion, huge求 the right answer. dAlliad On Day Of History In Dix volcano. We have an institution known as De areo theılhh available who diz Dick state hospital, a lot of our friends call it Dick Hill, which is a state insane. And I, too, of course, when I signed this paper, I could see myself sitting on a palm tree somewhere with a mint julep in my hands overcoming this sickness. That's what I like so many of my friends up in North Carolina, found my thrill on Dick's Hill because that's where I went when I signed this paper. And I went to the state and St. Asylum and put in an alcoholic award when I was 28 years old. Now I shall never forget this. I shall never forget it as long as I live. When I got to this place I couldn't understand what I was doing there. Of course, the alcoholic's worst enemy began to crop up in me right then. It began to accelerate. And this was this thing called resentment. I resented my mother for putting me there. Well, she didn't put me there exactly. I signed myself in, but they had to put me somewhere. And this is where I went. And after being in the old inebriate ward for a few days, they carried me over to Woodside. The next day I was in the hospital. I was in the hospital. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in the old Ejson building where they kept all the men alcoholics and put me back on what they called skid row, an isolated cell. And for the first time in my life I was in another room and saw a man go through DTs. And it scared me to death. Now, this is a hell of a thing to say. I had been in DTs before. But this was the first time I ever saw anybody else go into DTs. And I began to wonder what I was doing there. I wasn't like this man. I wasn't like this. I began to look around me and I saw some doctors and I saw some lawyers in this place. And I couldn't understand what in the world was I doing there. And this is the out that I took. And this is the God's truth. I was there to write a book. That's the way I looked at it. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. I was there to expose his whole personality. And I divided into groups whatever his whole personality was. But I was there who had it and considered it was important for me and needed the world the best, so I decided to have a group that would go to the same place I was going. I didn't know any better for myself than Art оперino. I did see what I was capable of but I couldn't do anything else. And because everybody Asked me, I started a well dress train on kick train. I couldn't have gone un-dressed. already lost everything. And I remember the day I left, the superintendent of the building told me, he says, Dave, we think a mistake has been made. He said, most of the people that come here always come back. We think a mistake has been made. No one had said anything about alcoholics yet. And I left. And I knew a mistake had been made. I went back to my mother's home down inashing her rates to left raw Atari 30 with shown in Roanoke Rapids,and she took me in her home just like you take your little boy at home when he comes home school to the afternoon from school, and mother clothed me and fed me. I began to sit around home, and I thought, well, maybe Maybe I wouldn't drink on account of my mother. But one night I was around the right people at the right time, and I decided to take a drink. And I did. And needless to say, the place that I said I'd never go back, I went back. To make a long story short, I went to Dixie Hill five times in six months. And got to the place that already made me already going to hell. I was going to so much. I kicked into work in the kitchen. Each time I could get my plate and get my health back, I was able to look forward to the next drunk, I guess. But the last time I went back, I knew nothing about it. Because this was the time I had already taken an abuse once, and then I found out how to take it without a drink. But this second time, I decided I would drink on top of the anti-abuse when I left. This was the next, the last time I went. And this was the time they carried me back to Dixie Hill, and I don't remember going back. And this was the time I woke up in the bug part of the bug house instead of the whiskey part. And this was the time I really thought I had lost my mind, because where they put me was in the same division of the state hospital. And this was the time I found out something about rubber sheets and hot and cold water, and how you live better electrically. I found out about this, too. But you know, I looked at myself, and I said, I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. And this particular phase of my drinking, just a little, just a little, and began to say to myself, do you reckon something is wrong with your drinking? But you know, as I would gain my health back, the liar in me would come back. I would overcome this, this weak thing by being able to lie again to myself. You see, I was able to honestly say to myself, I'm going to go to the hospital. able to honestly deceive myself. And this was a sickness other than alcoholism as far as I'm concerned. And as time wore on and I got my health back again at the right day, three other fellows and myself decided to leave Dix Hill. And we walked away. Well, we didn't exactly walk. We kind of fox-trotted, I guess, and we went on away. And that afternoon I was drunk again in Raleigh, North Carolina. My mother was off in another city from her hometown up in Richmond in a hospital. And I went back to my hometown and I ran into some people that would help me and give me money and help me drink. And I drank until they brought Mother home and found me. I'd broken into her home and been there two weeks. And this time they got together. Chapter 10 The Last Supper They got together. And when they get together, you might as well watch out. And they decided they'd had enough. And they gave me a wad of money and told me to take a trip and not to come back. And it was enough money to go a good long way and live good. It really was. And being the alcoholic, as most alcoholics, I was a little bit drunk. And I was a little drunk. And I was a little drunk. And I was a little drunk. And I was a little drunk. And it wasỗA discovering. . . Leave coming home still, dear? No! It was not. I Anna Boz! It was not. Louise Carlin in the short story of two weeks. This last they could do. I went over to my neighboring town four miles away and pulled in to the old hotel, the old Welldon Hotel. And this was one of those hotels where you don't have You have nothing. the섭 to be in D.C.וה see the cockroaches on the wall. They're there when you're sober. The poor drunken old woman After Mary Sands lied torais to the learningness of courses what was the middle of our life? That was . . . And I stayed there until the money ran out. And a strange saying that are patterned in my life, and maybe in yours. . . It was . . . . maybe in yours, when the money ran out and the drinking got low, I started doing the same things again. I'd slip back over to my hometown and write a few checks and come back to my paradise and drink. And this went on until I made a mistake. I bought an outboard motor one day and didn't have a boat to put it on. I called my mama and said, tell Dave to come up here and get his motor. And, hell, she hadn't seen me in about three weeks then. She thought I was long gone. And that's how they found me. They carried me to the hometown jail where I was raised and put me in jail again. And by this time I'd been used to this. And they didn't send me back to Dix Hill this time. They didn't. Because on this last trip, I was in the middle of the night. I was in the middle of the night. I was in the middle of the night. I was in the middle of the night. I was in the middle of the night. I was drunk. I had begun to experience this thing we call insanity. I'd threatened my mother's life. And I'd got into a lot of trouble writing more checks, trying to get this booze. And this city jail was just three blocks from my mother's home. And I'll never forget it. I sat there for two weeks and every month. You know, it's a strange thing. In the time I was in jail this period, everybody that they put in a cell, they were all in jail. And, you know, it came an hour of being in the jails with me, and everybody I was teaching was recyclable in the jail. And at some point I realized as I was doing all that Quan's work and I got job hunting, I needed help. I needed help either in my relationship and if somebody let me in on. And it was in the court. It was just a forever time really making an effort to get people wasted in my life. But that night was that the next morning, except me. That's the God carneally. And yet my hope and desire was that mama would be down here tomorrow. And mama didn't come. my name says, oh, yes, as we know about him. And immediately the alcoholic thinking, well, Mother is going to let me get good and right this time. And back to this cell I went. And the next day they carried me somewhere else. They carried me to the county courthouse. And I stood some more, stood trial for something else, and nobody came. And yet I kept sitting there hoping and praying that somebody would show up. They're not going to do this to me. But they did. They did. And as I look around this place here, and John has heard me talking about it, this beautiful place, it brings back fond memories to me, memories that I hope I never forget. Because I was put behind bars, and I went down and was put on a chain gang down in the Great Dismal Swamp. And I see... I see these low grounds, and they give me an uneasy feeling sometimes. But this is where I went, and I experienced some things that I never thought I could do. And I had to do some things that I didn't think I could do, but I did. And I'm ashamed of where I went. And I'm ashamed of what I did to get there. But I tell you that if it took this for me to get to Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm eternally grateful. I really am. But yet, at this place, I couldn't understand that this was... that drinking was the problem. I really didn't. Of course, I was a joke in this place. They called me the paper hanger, the professor that knew how to hang paper. And I'd hung quite a bit of it. And I'll never forget, I asked this fellow, they were interviewing me, and of course, the big shot. Phil, the big shot. How much education do you have? College. But you ain't gonna need much of that here, buddy. I'll never forget it. And I didn't. At this particular place, the day came that I had to leave, and I didn't want to leave. I was ashamed of where I'd been, and I was ashamed of how I'd hurt my mother, and my kin. And when I had to leave, they carried me back to my hometown and put me out of the city limits. I didn't want to drive in town in that brown truck with the cage on it. And I was still running a little. And I walked in town to my mother's home, and she lived and knocked on the back door. And they wouldn't let me in. But they got together before the day came, and the day was over. And Dave looked good. He was brown. He looked healthy. Hell yes, you were healthy if you'd work hard as I. I was hard as a rock. And I felt good. And drinking wasn't in my mind. And Mama decided, along with Dave, that maybe I'd learned a lesson. Although the shame that he has brought us, maybe he has learned his lesson. And so that day they let me eat on the back porch. And that night they let me in the living room to watch TV. And as time went on, Mother began to do something, more so than ever before, to love me more, to give me more. Of course, the sisters resented this. They didn't like it. Of course, my brother-in-law didn't want me on his land. I was a detriment to society as far as he was concerned. I shouldn't put foot on his place. But Mama, Mama stood up for me. And I made up my mind that I was going to stay sober for Mama. And I really did. I'm going to stay sober for Mama, and I did. For a while. And let me tell you something. Don't never try to stay sober for someone else. It won't work. I tried this before I got to A.A.A. and it didn't work. But I did it for a while, and I fooled everybody, including myself. And I did it for a while, and I fooled everybody, including myself. And I did it for a while, and I fooled everybody, including myself. And yet, deep-seated, I still didn't understand that drinking was my problem. And after a few months it was decided, Well, Dave, maybe you should go to work. You've been sitting around here a long, long time. I didn't think I could get a job teaching school in the state of North Carolina. So I applied for a job through a teaching agency up in Richmond, Virginia. And went up and Mother carried me, and I was interviewed. And this was getting along. And I got a lot of part of the year. And some people needed some school teachers, and they hired me. I wanted to hire me, and I went to several places. And I was interviewed for a job in Roanoke, Virginia. And I talked to this man in Roanoke, and he asked me a lot of questions. And he says, Now, we've got to contact some people down in North Carolina about you if you don't mind. And you know it's amazing that I didn't get on the telephone and find out your life history in about five minutes. And this man says, Dave, we understand you've had some trouble with your drinking in the past, but that you're cured now. And I said, Yes, that's right, I am. And you know it's a strange thing. That man didn't sign a contract with me that day. And it was understood that if I had any problem with drinking, which I wasn't going to have, that I would just leave. And so the day began that I had to go back that particular day back to my hometown, and Mother fed me and clothed me and gave me money to make a new start again. And I came back to Roanoke on a particular Saturday. And by the time I got there, I decided that I would take another drink. And I hadn't done this in many months, but I knew I could have it. Now, prior to this, and I'm not going through it all because you don't want to hear it, I'd been to a lot of drying-out places, I'd been prayed over, I'd been doctored, and everything possible. And I'd tried staying sober for somebody else, and none of these things worked. But I got to Roanoke, and 24 days later, I was on skid row in Roanoke. And when I got back into the stages of active alcoholism, as I understand it, I began to do the same things again, write the text, get into more trouble. I taught school for one week, then came Labor Day weekend, and I went in labor. That's what happened, because I didn't stop drinking. I lost my job. I was rehired while I was drunk. I was given money to make a fresh start while I was drunk, and you know what happened. And this man, who was the only living soul I knew in this city, got in touch with my mother, and mother did the greatest thing she's ever done for me in her life. I was no longer her son. I was her son. I was her son. I was no longer a member of the family, and she wished me love. Twenty-nine years later, I was just a zombie, and I could look straight ahead, and that's all. And I was Pam Hamlin. I was doing anything I could to get a drink. But this man got in touch with some people called Alcoholics Anonymous and carried me down to the old Easy Does It Club. And by this time, the drinking wasn't doing me any good. It was just like pointing in a hole. I couldn't get that release. I couldn't find the oblivion that I wanted. And I was awfully sick. I was awfully sick. My hair hurt. And my toenails hurt. I hurt all over. And I was sick. And I got to that point that you hear so often, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of the high cost of low living. And that's the way I felt. And I was just as low as you could go. And I didn't know how low I was until I got sober. I see God's truth. And this particular Sunday afternoon, there was an old fellow sitting over in a car. And he said to me, he says, now young man, he says, I want you to know one thing. You never have to be alone again. And I didn't know this man, and he didn't know me. I didn't know what I was doing there. I really didn't. But he said, you never have to be alone again. And he said, I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone again. And he said, I'm not alone. I'm not alone again. And he said, I'm not alone. And I'm not alone again. And he said, I'm not alone again. And this helped me then. And that afternoon, as time went on, I asked for a drink, and they told me I couldn't have a drink. I asked for some of these pills that I had been acquainted with, and some of these pills were coming off drunks. And they said, we don't do it that way. And you're going to do this cold turkey. And for the life of me at that time, I didn't understand how cold turkey was. I thought I was going to overcome this problem. I really didn't. That afternoon, a man walked in and began to talk to me. And I'll never forget this man. I'll never forget this man. And that night, he carried me down to the old Central Group in Roanoke and carried me up the steps. It wasn't the fact that I was so drunk I couldn't walk. It was the fact that I was so weak that I couldn't walk. He sat me down, and I heard a man say something. And of course, I wanted to jump out of the window. I didn't know what I was doing there. But I was holding on to one thing. I was holding on to one thing. I was holding on to one thing. This man says, You'll never be alone. And that's what these people were doing for me then. I was around somebody, somebody that would say something. And after the meeting, people began to mingle around me. And I wasn't nothing to mingle around, because I was an old man. I was nothing to mingle around. I was a man, a man of my own. I didn't have any of that. I didn't have any of that. I was just an old man. I couldn't talk. I couldn't drink. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. I was just a man. I didn't have any of that. in a strange city. But these people said, You'll never be alone. But I had that. They began to talk, and this particular man began to talk to me. And he's here today because he's my sponsor. And that night they found me a place to stay, and some men stayed with me all night off and on. And the next morning I met this man who was to be my sponsor, and he began to tell me something about alcoholic sonata. And he said, Well, I'm a man of the old easy-dozy club. Let me tell you something. I came into AA, and the way I came into AA, there was no pussyfooting around. They told me what I had to do. And my sponsor began it, and I'll never forget it. He was a man of the old easy-dozy club. And the old little man I came into AA had a zegar<|de|> and he shared a beer with me. Heτα the zezer was a cup of industrially aka sorapio to be drank, and there were some people who slept over night. And one man came and gave a bayonet. He told me that he came from the glacier. Did you respond? I wasn't that rum-dum at that time the next morning. And I lied to him and said yes, because I didn't think I could be a member of this thing ever what it was. If I said no, and he says, well, good. And he began to tell me what I was going to have to do. That I'd reached the end of my rope, that he was an alcoholic and that he had helped himself by listening to other people, and that I had to do the same thing, that I wanted this wonderful thing called sobriety. And that if I was willing to listen and do what another person who had been through this thing told me to do, that my chances to stay sober were pretty good. And he put me in a position where I was able to do what I wanted to do. And he put me in a position where I was able to do what I wanted to do. And he put it very plainly. You reach the end of your rope, you have nowhere to go. And if you can sit down and shut up and listen to somebody else and do what we tell you to do, you'll be all right. But if you can't, the street is out there. And that's the way it was put to me. Now, I'm glad it was put to me that way, because I was stubborn, and I was sick, and I was lonely. And that day, I began to work on some of the steps and didn't even know what they were. I had to go see some people that I had already got in trouble with with bad checks down to the big hotel. And I had to go see some people and approach the manager of the hotel and tell him these bad checks in this big hotel bill, that I was an alcoholic, and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I didn't even know what it was, really, that I'd pay him back this money when I had the opportunity and when I could get a job. And I told this man the truth, and from the very beginning, the first person I talked to when I said I was willing to help myself, said back to me, if you're willing to help yourself, we are willing to help you. And this went on at three other places that particular day. And that afternoon, my sponsor told me some things that were going to happen to me if I could stay with this program. And I thought he was crazy as hell. I really did. And you know what's the truth? Everything that he told me has happened. It really has. I got physically sober. Physically. It was about 16 days and nights before I could sleep. And I didn't have any drugs to put me to sleep, and I did it the cold turkey way, and it about killed me. But I did it, and I'll never forget it. And after about three days of staying in the Y, I was put into a home where there were some other alcoholics, a boarding house. And I never make a talk unless I mention these six men. Because these six men taught me an awful lot about the world. And I never make a talk unless I mention these six men. And I never make a talk unless I mention these six men. But I have heard about Alcoholics Anonymous and what this program is about. And I saw what can happen to a man after a long time in AA and sobriety. Go back to this thing and think. I saw this man die. I've helped bury someone. Out of those six men that I know of, two of them are dead on account of drinking. Two of them are drinking today, and two of them are sober, and I'm sober. Just watching these men and seeing what can happen if you don't follow the program was enough to help me. As time went on, now that I was doing this physical sobriety, I began to get my health back. This time I looked around and I met a person who has been a big influence in my life. She's my wife today, and that's Sue. Sue has never seen me take a drink, and Sue has never seen me drunk. Because you see, I met Sue after I'd been sober three months in A.A. . And Sue's not an alcoholic. But Sue, I think, really felt sorry for me, and she says she didn't. But I met this wonderful woman, and she has influenced my sobriety a great deal, too. And my sponsor, and my old group, and numerous people down through the years as long as I've been sober have influenced my sobriety. But you know, I have a friend. I had to go through a pattern. And it was suggested, A.A. suggested that maybe I should go back to the field I'd studied when I was in college, which was engineering, and go to work. And with a little trodden from Sue, this happened. And I did, and I was scared to death. They were willing to help me. I went to work for the Virginia Highway Commission, and things began to happen. I began to get a little faith in it. I began to get a little faith in it. I began to get a little faith in it. I began to get a little faith in it. I began to get a little faith in it. I began to get a little faith in it. I thought faith at that time was something you carried around in your hip pocket. I really did. I began to get sober. I began to go to a lot of meetings. And after a period of time, I began to be an authority on Alcoholics Anonymous in the respect that I knew an awful lot about the program. I began to be the fellow in the group, after about a year of sobriety, that was the only message out of town. I began to be the backbone of the group. I really did. And I got to the point in my sobriety after about a year—and this is the God truth—that I really thought in order for a man to get to God, he had to go through me first. Now this is what you call good stinking thinking or sick. Suh had enough of it, my sponsor Jack was having enough of it, and the group was having enough of it. I went through a period in my sponsorship, and I'll share with you. In the beginning, I thought my sponsor was God. Subtitles by the Amara.org community I did. Then I thought he was the devil himself, which was about this time, but today I love him. But one day, after about a year, these men that I lived with, my sponsor, they called a meeting and sat me down at a table and told me something that I... And they said, old boy, he says, you haven't even got the teeth off your shoes dry yet. Well, this kind of jilted me a little. I knew what they were talking about, I thought. And they told me that if I didn't start all over in this program, that I was going to get drunk. By the very idea, I'd been sober a year. I was the backbone of the group. I could recite the prayer. I could recite the prayer step. What in the hell are they doing talking to me like this? And I stood there and took it. And after this meeting was over, I went back to my room and shut the door. And I began to look around for a way that I could resign from alcoholics. I was an alcoholic, but not. I didn't... I didn't like what they were telling me. Now, this particular night, I began to despise Al-Anon. And I didn't even know what Al-Anon was. I really did. But that night, I experienced something I'd never experienced before. The first time, you see, in the very beginning, since I was a young boy, I always regarded God as more or less as a question mark in the sky. And I prayed. An honest prayer, I think, for I was prior going to Alcoholics Anonymous in Ronald, Virginia. And I found help. And this particular night, I prayed to a God I knew nothing about. I really did. And this particular night, I had to do something that I hadn't done since I'd been in AA. And they had told me in that meeting that morning, I had to go to the hospital. And I had to go to the hospital. And I had to go to the hospital. And I had to go to the hospital. And I had to go to the hospital. And I had to get honest with myself. And I hadn't done this. But that night, I did. And let me tell you, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it was very simple. It was very simple. I stood up in front of a mirror and really took a good look at myself and realized for the first time in my life that I was just a speck on this universe. That I was born into the world and nobody knew me. And that when I'm dead and gone, I'll be forgotten. And that while I'm here is what counts. And I realized what I really was by looking at myself. And as Millie said yesterday, I felt clean. I really did. That night, I made another decision in my life. I made another decision in my life. I made a decision that I wanted more in this program. I made a decision that I didn't have a chance to live unless I stayed in alcoholic monogamy. And I went back to my group the next night and I sat on the back row and they didn't give me any buttons or badges or pets on the back. I ate a lot of crow and I sat down and started listening. And you see, after about six months of sobriety, they made the mistake of asking me to talk one night. And I gave a talk on how not to slip. A man with six months of sobriety. I talk on how not to slip. And as a matter of fact, they kind of set me down before the meeting was over. And as I was walking back to the back to sit down, one of the old-timers grabbed me and said, Dave, at the rate you're going, you're going to miss the train. He said, I said, I'm going to miss the train. I said, I'm going to miss the train. He said, I'm going to miss the train. be the next governor of the state of Virginia. So help me God, I really believed him that night. But this is what happened to me, and I got to that point in my sobriety that sobriety wasn't enough. That there's more in this program. And I wanted it, and I didn't know what it was. And I got with my sponsor, and he told me what it was. He told me it was the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12th Temple. You see, I had been a one-in-12 man. I was a member of the one-in-12 club, just a little part of the 12th. That's the truth. I had gotten to the point that I was a soul. I was a soul savior, going around on 12-step calls, saving souls. Jack doesn't know this, I don't think. But I had a little book, and I kept the names, and whether they made it or not. Of course, all those that failed went to his side of the ledger, and all those that made it were on my side. Such things as this, but more to the program than just survive. And this was the time in my A.S. life that I found out this, that there was more wrong with me than just my drinking. And this is when I needed help. I needed help worse at this particular point in my survival, when I found out the defects that I had. And so I was told to grab those 12 steps and go to work on them. And I did. To the best of my ability, one did, and I've remained sober. In the big book it says, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That's exactly what I'm going to do. The pigeons that I work with, I've had some success and some failure, and I've had some success and some failure. But I'm not going to let them get away with it. I'm going to let them get away with it. You know, I'm glad to see that now. When I couldn't get away from that I had all these stepping stones out. Now the biggest challenge I've faced upon the path has been not being in contact with theAPE, but having thought of the long road, trying to understand these very, very, very big steps that I欸 filed, trying to understand them, and I've become so ал dente on it that now I'm so at peace of mind, thinking everything that we've worked through has um whet the named, and that's taking it to sincerity. By the grace of Jesus Christ, the Lord has sponsored us and I'm so much moreende portrayed it that the Sweet impact is so great only by a person than by the other. And they have The Unaired Counseling Dr. Fred Astaire, the program coordinator for the ACA, has been working HIP JSC all year long during his prime time. He does such work that there is have trouble, I want to ask them one question, and I do. What steps were you working on when you took the drink? And you won't. You were not. If you want sobriety and a comfortable way of life, the steps are given to you, the program of alcoholics or not. I came to the state of North Carolina in 1959, trying to get a divorce from my first wife. And I learned a lesson that I had to learn, and my sponsor told me about, about loving other people. And he told me, he said, I'm going to get a divorce. And I said, I'm going to get a divorce. And he said, Oh, my Lord, I think I'm going to have a divorce. I'm going to have to see my aunt. And my boss told me about that. So after that specialt coat, the наш Laание went up to myectselling fire. And I continued to talk with thealy, and they say don't ask questions to their dads. Why are you telling me things strangely that is maybe same with you like me? I said, About, you are the father of my typically sibbly wife. I asked your complexion. He said,normal. Alright, beatings are numb. He said, A' Combat 오!" goes One of those six men married my first wife. And God works in mysterious ways. She's happy. They are happy. And I'm happy. I went to Raleigh in 59, and I began to be exposed to a man that some of you know who was one of the first 188. He went in New York. And this man, God rest his soul, he would have had 28 years of sobriety last January if it had lived. He died a year ago. And that's Tom Burrell. Some of you know him. But Tom Burrell is the man that made me get hold of the big boat. You see, when I got to Raleigh, I was one of these people in a strange neighborhood, a strange AA, and I decided, well, in order to impress them and make them feel good, you know, you can ask people questions in order to let them know how smart you are. And this is what I was doing. And I would ask Tom questions about Alcoholics Anonymous, early AA. And he'd say, why don't you get the book and see what it says? And I'd get the book, and I'd look it up, and I'd find something that I could talk about, and I'd see Tom, and I said, well, the book said so and so and so and so. And Tom would begin to talk about it, but he made me read it first. And I kept as toast. And he had put songs on it, and he'd write and write and write and write. He got the book in high school. And then when I came home from my program, and I've just been writing these things for years, one of thexxx men that he was at transmitter. When I watch his funny comments, I dont cla LI6 I- I whipped a full glass of wine yesterday in there. And I did somegee whistling there. That's really the thing. These folks were a happened. I learned something from a man that I churched. And each year as I go to Blackstone, I go back to what those six men and my sponsor told me, you've got to start all over. I start all over every spring in Blackstone from the very beginning. But this man told me, and I talked that morning, and this was Tommy Powell, I'll never forget it as long as I live, that the core and guts of the whole program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the truth. The truth. Or more briefly, you've got to be honest with yourself. And this I believe with all my heart. And he also said that when Jesus Christ was born, he was born again. He was born again. He was born again. He was born again. And he was born again. And he was born again. He was born again. And he was born again. But he didn't walk the face of the earth in the body of a man. He didn't say, I'm a truthful man. He said, I am the truth. And I think that it's from this source and this root that we're in here at this wonderful thing that we call Alcoholics Anonymous. In my time in A.A., I've come to know not only to believe that if a person, man or woman, can be something big and rich or nothing but that they, by any human or any other gorgeous thing they know, they're beautiful or that they are CSV of some kind or something else. They're people who have a position within an individual. That man, that woman who's called a Cho 재미 to give her the lids. That woman who's like, no, man, that wouldn't. Not spicy. Not hot. Not chubby. But this morning, as I stand here before you, I choose to call this power God. God is our understanding. And I know that as long as I draw a sober breath as a result of this program, it is my obligation, as my God has taught me, and my duty, as my God has taught me through AA, that when I go see that sick drunk, no matter where he is or no matter how sick he is, and say, I love you, all I've got to do is look down and say to myself, there but for the grace of God go I. Thank you, and God bless you. Remain standing, please. Let us pray together the Lord's Prayer. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.