When You Block Every Feeling You Block Your Life Force, a Nurse Learns to Feel – Billie S.

About This Speaker Tape

Billie S. shares her story at a meeting in May 1991, describing her recovery as a journey into learning to feel. A nurse by profession, she is the daughter of an alcoholic, wife of three alcoholics, mother of five addicted children, and an alcoholic herself. Her central message is that feelings are energy, and when she blocked her feelings her entire life, she blocked her life force — leaving only physical symptoms and the inability to act right.

Billie traces the disease back to childhood, where she bought a box of Double Bubble gum during wartime — impossible to find — planning to give each classmate a piece so they would love her. That was when she first bought the lie: I'm no good, I'm not enough. Her father, a periodic alcoholic, took her to her first AA meeting at age 13. By 14, her mother had died and she was pregnant and married.

Her recovery breakthrough came through learning to identify and name feelings. She discovered that jealousy was the slimiest feeling she had ever experienced, but once she could name it, she had a choice about how to act on it. Before that, all she could do was react — with booze, cigarettes, food, or men. She describes stopping her car during medical sales calls to ask herself, "How do you feel?" — because after a lifetime of pulling the shade down on every emotion, she genuinely did not know.

Topics

Timestamps

• 00:00 Recovery as a journey into learning to feel — a nurse and daughter of an alcoholic
• 08:00 Buying Double Bubble gum during wartime so classmates would love her
• 16:00 Father a periodic alcoholic — first AA meeting at age thirteen
• 24:00 Mother dies and she is pregnant and married at fourteen
• 32:00 Blocking feelings blocked her life force — only physical symptoms remained
• 40:00 Learning to identify and name feelings — jealousy as the slimiest feeling
• 48:00 Stopping the car during sales calls to ask herself how do you feel
• 56:00 After a lifetime of pulling the shade down she genuinely did not know