What Step 11 Means to a Man Who Has Been Doubtful More Often Than Agitated – Bill M.

Take me where the promises are. Everybody, let's go ahead and have a day meeting. My name is Richard, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Richard. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Nama Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one or more, with a year of morph sobriety, tells his or her story. Good evening, everybody. I'm Tom, and I am an alcoholic. And it's a real honor for me to have the opportunity to introduce this gentleman. I just asked right before, shortly before the meeting, and it's truly a privilege. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they established their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts and bad tapes to be a waste of time and space. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on AABlueChipSpeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them, too. I must have this thing. So let me introduce the speaker. Tonight's speaker is Bill M. I've known this gentleman for some time. Um, our home group. Which is the Clean Air Group at 1130 at 8111 and meets every day. And many of the members are actually here in these first couple of rows. Um, at that group he's, I would call him the anchor. And by the anchor, I don't mean that he weighs us down. He's the one that you can always turn to when, uh, whenever there's something that needs to be done. Someone needs help, needs somebody to do some service work. He's always willing and, and first one to raise his hand. Uh, he's helped a tremendous number of people. I can't even begin to imagine how many. I've had the privilege to know some of his sponsees and I know his sponsor. Um, I can probably say that there's nobody in, that I know at least, in the state of Georgia that knows as many people around metropolitan Atlanta and the entire state of Georgia that have been in AA, that are in AA because of the amount of public, uh, amount of, uh, service work that he's done and the amount of, uh, engagement and activities he's had with AA. Don't know much more that I can say with that. But I truly am proud to introduce him. I'm honored to introduce him. And I'm even prouder to call him my friend. I've got to give you Bill M. Hey, my friends, I'm Bill Middleton. I'm an alcoholic. I wasn't sure who he was talking about. Those were very nice words. Thank you. Um, I never, ever started meeting with a joke. I've got to. Lady came to 8111 not too long ago and claimed an addiction to brake fluid. But she's here. But she's sure she could stop any time. When I first told that story, all the halfway house girls just laughed and laughed and laughed. All the people that have been around there for a little while said, What is he talking about? Um, the long form of my introduction, I am Bill Middleton. I am and always will be an alcoholic. And I stand here tonight sober by the grace of the loving God. And for that, I am grateful. Um, a lot of other people are grateful about that, too. My wife, who happens to be here, my creditors, my dog. They're all pretty happy about it, too. Um, I have not intentionally consumed any mind altering alcohol since December 15th, 1993. 9,371 days, if you're counting. Um, I always introduced myself as my friends when, uh, when I introduced myself. And the reason for that is because I've got a lot of my friends are in this room. A lot of my very, very good friends are in this room. And I'm in this room because a lot of those friends. And, uh, for that, I thank you. Um, in way of preliminaries, um, let me talk about a little bit about me. That's what I'm supposed to do tonight. I have a home group, the Clean Air Group at 8111. We meet seven days a week at 1130 every morning. I am there most every morning. Um, it, uh, I always thought it was clever. The 8111 Club is at 8111 Roswell Road. And it would take an alcoholic to figure that out. Anybody else would be somehow more creative than 8111 Club at 8111 Roswell Road. Okay. Um, my goal recently, not recently, but for a long time, has been to get 10,000 meetings in 10,000 days. When I was brand new, they said do 90 and 90. I did that. And I said, no. And they said, do it again. And I said, do it again and do it again. I said, we got to come up with something that is a little bit farther out. And so 10,000 and 10,000 seemed like one of those things that I could maybe do. I could maybe approach. I'm now more than 93% there. So far it's worked really, really well. Um, in 17 months I will have 10,000 days. And I'll let you know then if it really worked. Uh, I have a sponsor. And I, in fact, several sponsors. Uh, my spiritual advisor sponsor I've had for 20, more than 25 years. Um, I wish he was here tonight. I always feel a little bit more comfortable when he's in the room. Um, but he's not. Um, I do not ever remember a conversation that I've had with him over the years that I did not come out of that conversation feeling better about what we talked about. Never, ever, ever have a conversation with my sponsor left me with a bad taste in my mouth. And that's important because if it left me with a bad taste in my mouth, I would probably get another sponsor. Uh, but, um, I've always been very, very endeared to the man. He's become a big brother, a father figure, uh, a real best friend, a lot of things. And that's what my, what my sponsor means to me now. I've had other sponsors. Uh, I've had a workplace sponsor at times. And that was a simply, simply a thing that, uh, a psychiatrist had recommended to me. He was in recovery. And he recommended. At least two sponsors. He said not to play them off against each other. But because it's quicker to explain to somebody that's in the same business what the issue is. And they can say, oh, this comes up with me all the time. Do A, B, and C and it'll be all positive and be fine. So I've had a workplace sponsor over the years. And that, that worked really well for me. I've had service sponsors. My sponsor did not get actively involved in AA service work. Heavy duty service work. And most of that was because his, his sponsor told him not to. He said, if you get involved in AA service work, you're going to try to take over Alcoholics Anonymous within two years. Please don't get involved. You're very, very good one-on-one with other people. Stick with that. You're very, very good at it. And he said, additionally, I said, he thinks that I think the fellowship will survive if you don't participate. So please don't. I do a lot of AA service work and I have over the years. And that was an interesting evolution as it went by. Initially, it was what I was told to do. They said, Bill, chair this meeting today. Okay. Hey, Bill, be discussion leader today. Okay. Then they said, Bill, we want you to be our GSR. I said, I can't even spell GSR. And they said, you don't have to. Get in your car. Drive to Macon. They'll tell you how to be GSR. Then I got involved in the district and they needed a treasurer. And they said, Bill, can you do that? And I said, yeah, I can do that. So I became his own treasurer a long, long time ago. Then I became Alderman at DCM. And 11 months into that term, my DCM moved to Delaware and I became DCM. I thought I knew a lot about being DCM until I became one. And I found out that I didn't know doodly squat about being a DCM. But that, I think, goes with being in service. Then I started picking what I wanted to be in service. That was a bad, bad, bad mistake. I decided that I wanted to be state treasurer. I had to stand three times before I was elected state treasurer. It takes six years. I thought there was God teaching me a perseverance lesson. God was really trying to discourage me. That's what he was trying to do. But he allowed me eventually to become state treasurer and I did that. Then I just said, OK, it must be time for me to become delegate. And I stood for delegate five times. Never was elected. Finally got the hint. God does not want me to be delegate. Very suddenly he was saying, Bill, you're not going to be delegate. So just go back to your home group. Somebody will get in touch with you and you can do whatever service work they tell you to do. The last time I stood for delegate, that was Sunday afternoon after the election. I drove back home. The Atlanta Roundup Committee called me and said, Bill, everybody on this committee loves you. We want you to be part of the Atlanta Roundup Committee. Will you please join us? I said, with an invitation like that, I cannot possibly say no. And that's where I have gone with my service work now. If somebody asks me to do it, then I'll do it. Tim asked me here tonight. I do not volunteer to tell my story. I'd hate standing up here. But Tim asked me to do it. And that's the right thing to do. So I'm here. I do sponsor men. One of them was supposed to be here tonight. He was with me 16 or 17 years ago when I was here the first time. He was with me. James Reynolds was running this meeting at that time. And Tom came with me. He was brand new in the program. And he came with me that night. And he just celebrated 16 years on his last birthday. I'm really disappointed he's not here tonight. He may have another four-step to do. That's for sure. Not really. When I started getting ready to do this, and it's been over the last couple of weeks, I really started really hard on Thursday trying to write it all down. Somebody gave me some advice very early on. They said you'll find when you tell your story there are three versions. There's what you want to say, what you do say, and then what you wish you had said. If I write it down, it tends to be not as far between those three. So it's best for me to write it down. And a funny thing happened today. I had eight typewritten pages all ready. And I went to my home group this morning. And the topic was, how does God talk to you? I said, hmm, I got to go rewrite my script this afternoon. I got back to the house at 1255 and started over. And this is the byproduct of all of that. All right. Let's see. The one thing I know for sure in my mind, I cannot wing it from up here. I've got to have it written down because I will become so hopelessly lost that you wouldn't even be able to figure out where I was. And when that topic came up, how do you know what God said to me? It sounded like one of those Sunday morning radio churches. Church services. Sounds like our topic today from Reverend so-and-so will be, how do you know what God said to you? And I said, hmm. And I'm not sure that's a good way to approach that. But that's what happened. Sometimes I'm not sure. Eventually, God makes his will for me very, very clear. Other times, it leaves me in a real doubt about where he wants me to go. One of the things I found out over time is that when I do discover what God's plan for me is, I don't always like it. The curious little thing with all the little advent of all the little electronic stuff we've got now. I got my little Kindle out and I word searched the word like in the big book about colleagues and arms. It's not in there. Acceptance. Submission. Variety. All kinds of words like that. But like is not in there. I said, ooh. I would like to think that maybe you would like some of this. But unfortunately, I don't. Sometimes it's very, very distasteful. The nine steps of men's and those kinds of things are I know in the long run are very, very good for me. But they are not things that I like to do. Telling my story in front of a big crowd is something I don't like to do. But I do it. One of the things that happened with my relationship with me and God is that sometimes it takes a very, very long time for me to understand. One thing happened and it was a recollection I had a couple of years ago when I was four or five years old. And that's a long time ago. I wanted a little red wagon. A red. A red radio flyer wagon. One of those bright, shiny red ones. And I went to my grandmother, who was my contact with both God and with Santa Claus, and told her what I had in mind for my Christmas. A bright red wagon. She said, pray about it. I said, okay. So I prayed about it. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. Christmas came. And I didn't get my little red wagon. I said, Granny, I didn't get my red wagon. She said, well, maybe you didn't pray hard enough. Which in granny talk, I could understand how she would say that. So I prayed real hard again for another year and didn't get the little red wagon. I was lamenting about that story in my home group. A couple of guys in my home group a couple of years ago bought me a shiny bright red. Radio flyer wagon. 65 years after I first started praying for that wagon. If you think God does not make you stand in that dark closet from that long, dark hallway for a long, long time, sometimes he will. And he did for me in that little red wagon. The same thing happened when my spouse and I were talking over lunch one day about the compulsion to drink. He said, do you still have the compulsion to drink? And I said, and this was probably six, eight, ten months into the program. I said, yeah, I really still have that compulsion. He said, what are you doing about it? I said, I don't know what to do about it. He said, have you tried praying about it? I said, no, because I don't know what to how to pray about that. He said, simple. Get up in the morning. Say, hey, God, help me get through the day without drinking. Before you go to sleep, say, hey, God, thank you for getting me through the day. I said, that's all there is to it? And he said, yeah. And I said, will that work? He said, I don't know. It worked for me. I said, oh, OK. So I started doing that. A couple months later, we had another lunch. He asked the same question. How are the compulsions? I said, I don't know. I haven't had one in a long time. He said, where'd they go? I said, maybe God took them. He said, maybe he did. And that was exactly what happened. God took that compulsion away from me. I didn't even know he had taken it. I was standing there and not even realizing that I no longer had that compulsion to drink. And it was simply God doing that because I prayed. I think, in my mind, that's what happened. Some of the most profound guidance that I've ever had in this program came in the description of step 11 in the big book. Where it says, as we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. That has saved me so many times. That's what I have to do. And that has changed a little bit over time. When I first came in, I was agitated a lot. Today, it's not nearly as agitated as much as being doubtful is more the operative word in that thing. There are more doubtfuls than there are agitations. But the approach is exactly the same way. When I'm agitated or doubtful, I pause and hope I can find the right thought or action. That has worked very, very well. And it has worked for people that I have worked with. And sometimes it is how I phrase the prayer. Maybe somehow the way my spouse says it. The way my spouse says the prayer. I had a guy named Kerry that I worked with for a number of years. Really, really solid member of Alcoholics Anonymous. He had been sober for four or five years at that time. And he asked me one day, he said, I need some advice. I said, you know I don't give advice. I'll share my experience of strength and hope, but I'm not going to share any advice. What about? He said, about marriage. I said, I've had one wife. I don't know anything else about marriage other than that. I've had one and that's enough. So he said, well, this is the deal. So I've got an ex-wife in Chicago. She's the mother of our child. We have talked about reuniting for the benefit of the child. The child needs parents, both parents around the house. And we have talked about maybe reuniting. He said, the other part, the other thing that's happened. Is that I met a girl in the program. And she's got teen years, started sober. And she is, I really, really, really, really like her. He said, what should I do? I said, first question the sponsor always asks, have you prayed about it? He said, yeah, I've been praying a lot about it. And I can't get an answer. I said, how are you praising the prayer? And he said, girl A or girl B? God, come and give me an answer. It was as simple as that. It wasn't very complicated. I said, and I don't know where this came from. Intuitively, I knew the right question. What if God wants you to choose girl C? I hadn't thought about that. He said, you'll never choose girl C if you don't give God that choice. Oh. So he went back to praying about A, B, or C. He finally married B. And that's turned out very well since. So that was the way that turned out. But I didn't have any experience, strength, and help to share with him. And that became a little bit troublesome. But that was the right approach for him. It happened immediately after that. I told that story in my home group. And a little girl who was having trouble finding work after she had finally gotten sober had experience working in a hospital in an older clinic. And she also rented apartments at one time. And she said, I pick up the AJC every day. And there's not something that's convenient to where I live or that even looks attractive. I just can't find anything. And she said, I took your advice and looked for maybe the C option. And she had just gotten a job as an assistant manager in a senior living place. So it was a combination of things that she had experience with. But she had never thought about putting those two experiences together and look for a job. So she looked at the C option and found work. It worked somehow. I remember one of those little pieces of advice that I got very early on. And it said, God will always do God's will on God's schedule. And that says a lot to me. Especially on God's schedule. Because I get impatient. I've got a lot of things that are wrong with me. But impatience is one of the biggest. As I've been able to trace my character defects, I go back to things like I get angry when I don't get my way. I get resentment about yesterday because I didn't get my way yesterday. I fear tomorrow because I may not get my way tomorrow. And I get impatient when I don't get my way when I want it. And that's always been a problem for me and continues to this day to be a problem. But it's better than it used to be. Now, how did I get here tonight? I think, in my own mind, that I had a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. As soon as I had that first beer, it triggered that phenomenon of craving. And I had a want for more and more and more. And that simply was the whole process of me becoming an alcoholic. I don't think it was anything other than that. It was not a set of things in my history that would have set off the alcoholism. My upbringing was pretty, actually pretty good. Upper middle class family, two parents with a total of three college degrees between the two of them. I had one brother, younger, who lived in a small Kansas town. A golden buckle on the Bible Belt. What more could a kid ask for? I had lots of friends in the old town. Eventually a father who died as a practicing alcoholic, who we didn't know there at the time. He wasn't exhibiting those kinds of symptoms at that point. So I can't say that because my father was a drunk, I turned into a drunk. So none of those things, all of those things are history for me. But they had no impact on the outcome of the story. They did not make me an alcoholic. I think I was an alcoholic long before that first time. Then I got in the program. And they threw a net over me and told me I had to do a lot of things. And of course, I'm an imaginative guy. And I started looking for loopholes. There's an old story about W.C. Fields on his death bed. And he was laying there reading the Bible. And one of his friends came into the hospital and said, What are you doing? He said, I'm reading the Bible. Why are you reading the Bible? That's a little out of character, isn't it? He said, just looking for loopholes. I got the big book out and I started looking for loopholes. Unfortunately, I never found any. I eventually caught the disease and slowly began to understand the remedy. And the remedy for me is don't drink. And establish and develop a relationship with God. I don't think it gets any more complicated than that for me. I believed in God when I got here. Which made the whole process a little bit simpler. I didn't have to go through that process to learn to believe, to believe. I believed in God, but I didn't know how God communicated with me. I never ever saw a billboard that said, Bill, quit drinking. Signed, God. He never called me on my cell phone and said, Bill, quit drinking. Never sent me a text message that said, Bill, quit drinking. But I knew somehow that that was God's will for me. Where I started getting the message was in AA meetings. Because God speaks directly to me through the people in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I heard some profound things in my life that came from the mouths of other alcoholics in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I ate books. I just read one of those quotes. It was profound for me. Sponsors and sponsee contacts also have been profound in my recovery. They said early on, you will be contacted. And don't quit before the miracle happens. So I tried to do that. And sure enough, I was contacted. And the miracles started happening. One of the things that happened to me in my rehabilitation, was I was required to go to a counselor once a month. Just after I got out of treatment. Once a month for a period of time. And then every other month for a period of time. Then every three months for a period of time. And spouses were encouraged to go with us. Well, I was assigned a lady named Toni Curry. Who is kind of famous in this town. And that was a curious coincidence. A coincidence of God, if you will. Because I was the same person that had met my wife's counselor when she quit drinking eight years before I did. So we would go to these little counseling sessions for an hour. And the two of them would talk. Now what I learned in there is this is how you swim around sharks. You don't move and they won't bother you. You don't know how quiet and still I can be sitting in that chair while the two of them talked. Then one day Toni asked that awful question. Bill, what's changed? I said, I'm thinking all these things. And going through my mind, I've got to say something to make her happy. And trying to, you know, all that kind of stuff. And I said, I don't have hangovers anymore. Now that's a rocket science. If you quit drinking hangovers, you're probably going to quit. I generally feel better because I don't have hangovers anymore. And I said, I think my general outlook on life is a little bit better. She said, perfect. That's exactly where you're supposed to be. And she turned to Barbara and said, what's different? And Barbara said, we laugh more. And I said, that's a strange answer. But I didn't pursue it at that moment when we got back in the car going home. I said, what was that about? She said, when you were drinking, you weren't funny at all. After 8 o'clock at night. Occasionally now, you will say something that's cute after 8 o'clock at night. She said, we laughed more. That was the first concrete miracle I ever saw in this fellowship for me. But that was it. Not many promises that we read. We laughed more. But I did. I understood that. In the very beginning, I didn't understand the disease. I didn't understand what I was battling initially. And somebody shared in a meeting. He said, when I got here, when I drink, I cannot stop. When I got here, I did not know how to not start. When he said that, I said, that's exactly me. When I drink, I cannot stop. When I got here, I didn't know how to not start. Y'all taught me how to not start. Thank you. And that, I hung on to that for 20 years. And then a guy said something else. And actually, that was step one in the beginning for me. A couple of years, a couple of decades later, a guy came in and said, I'm blessed with two things. I am blessed with a body that does not process alcohol normally. And a mind that does not process reality normally. My body takes alcohol in. And it wants more. It takes more in. And it wants even more. That's not normal processing of alcohol. Normally, bodies will say, that's enough. Quit. My mind doesn't process reality normally. Because it gets all kinds of screwy thoughts going through it. But that today is where I am with step one. That's my explanation of what's wrong with Bill. The. Application of part of that is happening here tonight because Tim asked me to do this. And I've always gotten really nervous before I told my story. And the reason was an ego. I don't want to stand up here and screw up, get lost in my story and fumble and stammer and stutter and all those kinds of things. If I do that tonight. I will throw tomatoes at Tim. Because he's the one that invited me here. He's the one that should be nervous. If I do all those things, y'all will just pat me on the head and say, keep coming back. Tim is the one that's in real danger tonight. So. Worry about it, Tim. But that to me is learning how to process reality normally. One of the comments. One of the comments I made about me meeting attendance. I want to do a little addendum to that. Just meeting attendance has not gotten me nor kept me sober. There's a lot more to this program than that. It has enhanced the process. But it is not a standalone proposition. Go to a lot of meetings. It was one of the big misunderstandings I had about the program when I heard early on. Meeting makers make it. Meeting makers go to meetings. And that's all that says. And it's a corruption of the original idea. If you got sober in Akron. And your boss transferred you to Oklahoma City. If you wanted a meeting in Oklahoma City. You had to create one. You had to make a meeting in Oklahoma City. If you wanted to go to AA meetings in Oklahoma City. And what I learned from that. If I'm not dedicated enough to this program. To be willing to start an AA meeting. Then I'm not willing enough to stay sober. And that was all that that whole thing taught me about that. I have got to be willing to do the work to create a meeting. To make a meeting so I can go to one. Let me tell you a little story about a kid named Corbin. Corbin had a lot to do with me understanding identification. We all go through that. I think early on. I don't like these people. I don't identify with them. Corbin. I heard him speak at the Atlanta Men's Workshop. Corbin got sober before he was 18 years old. I didn't get sober until I was 48. So right there is a huge strike against him. About me understanding and identifying with Corbin. And he heard me. And he heard all those same things early on. 90 meetings in 90 days to start. And one of the things that I had to do was go to the 90 meetings in 90 days after care. And a Birds of a Feather group. Of Alcoholics Anonymous meeting about the airport. Once a week. Birds of a Feather is a special purpose AA group. That's other airline pilots. And it becomes instant identification. Because all the people in that room. Do the same job you do. And so there was some instant identification with them. Doctors had groups like that. Lawyers had groups like that. Nurses had groups like that. So my first real AA meeting. Was one of those at the airport. And in that room. Were three pilots I had been drunk with. So I never had a problem with identification. Of people in the room of Alcoholics Anonymous. Those three guys were sitting there. Happy, joyous and free. And I said. Maybe this thing works. Well now Corbin. Had been drunk most of his adult life. From the time he could remember. 12, 13 years old. So he was almost 18. Drunk almost every day. And out of treatment facilities. And then out of detoxes. The first time I heard him speak. I could not identify with that story. Um. And what he brought to the dance. Is a funny little thing. If he never ever takes another drink. He will never have bought a legal drink. In his life. Can you imagine how much money I would have saved. If I could say that. A phenomenal amount of money. Um. But Corbin found a home group. And got involved. And he was doing little things. Like setting up the chairs. Picking up the chairs. Cleaning up after the meetings. Helping an old man. Do the group picnic. In the spring. And he said. Honestly that old man was probably all 35. He said I was 18. This guy was really old. He was in his mid 30's. And I think that was where Corbin and I got lost. In the identification. Um. But one day this old man. Told Tom. Said. Or told Corbin. Said. Corbin. I love you. And we want you to keep coming back. And he didn't quite know how to take that. From a 35 year old. Old man. So he just said the polite thing. And said. Thank you. And moved on. Well soon Corbin went off to college. Graduated. Got a great job. And was required to fly all over the world. Um. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. Um. And Corbin said. One of those flights. Was a flight from hell. He said. They landed late in Prague. Czechoslovakia. Who. Had been awful. The flight attendants had been surly. The ride had been bumpy. The whole way. It just. Was an awfully. Awfully bad. L. Lm. Experience. And. He said. All i need. Is an AA meeting. So he asked the. Fr medesca. Hotel. meeting in Prague, Czechoslovakia. They said, we don't know Vinny. So he was crestfallen. So he grabbed the rest of his and told employees, and they went off to find something to eat. And they were walking down the street. They looked up, and the second story window was a neon circle and a triangle. He said, I know where I'm going to see you all in the morning. And he said, charging down an alley at night in Prague, Czechoslovakia was probably not the smartest thing he ever did. Not a place you would want to do that sort of thing. But he did. He chased down that alley and found the steps and left stairs, knocked on the door, and they opened the door. It was a big AA meeting. It was a room full of long tables. And they pointed, and he said, there's a chair over there. And he went over and sat down at that chair, looked up, and there's Tom sitting right across the table from him, just smiling. So he said, that was his little lesson in why Tom said, we love you and we want you to keep coming back. A similar thing happened to me in Santiago, Chile, in 2011. My little AA sister, who's got a little bit more time than I do, and I'm a little bit older than she is, got permission from both our spouses to go to Antarctica. Her husband approved, and my wife approved, and my wife approved, and off we went. And she had scoped out all the AA meetings she could find all over South America. And the first night we were in Santiago, it's a city of about six or seven million people, and three English-speaking AA meetings a week in a city that size. But we found it and it wasn't very far away from the hotels, so we walked over there. And it was a little, quaint Catholic church in a great big Catholic country. And we walked through the little courtyard, and there were three or four guys standing over in the corner smoking. And we said, AA meeting? And they said, oh yeah, come on. And so they walked us into the church, into one of the classrooms for the school, and the guy said, I know you. And we stood there and said, we know you. He'd gotten sober at 81-11. There were three people in South America, at that time, that I knew were sober. Jeannie and me and Kurt. And we were all three in the same room in San Diego the same night. God makes those kinds of things happen. Now, I'm about to wrap this up. Let me talk about my guardian angel, Barbara. She's with me tonight. She's over here smiling. That's a good sign. I have always asked her if she wanted to go with me when I go tell my story. Invariably, well, one of the times she did, she came, but she said, why would I want to go listen to you tell your story? I lived it. Her sobriety predates mine by about eight years. She was the encouragement and help that I needed in the very beginning. She was my designated driver and kept me out of a lot of legal entanglements my last few years drinking. She never complained about my drinking, at least to me. She could have, but she's always had a very, very sharp needle and she could poke me with it every once in a while. And she would occasionally. She has got a knack that she can show up just before an event and there will be a parking place for her. She could have tickets for a Falcons game show up at five minutes to one in front of the bins and there would be a parking place for Barbara. We go out to eat eight o'clock reservation. We can show up at two minutes to late as parking place right in front of the restaurant. Invariably she would look over at me and say as she turned off the car clean living. One last little thing I want to talk about is the complexity of this program. It says in the beginning of the chapter on how it works this simple program. It really is simple. It is not very complicated but there are lots and lots and lots and lots of parts to it. I started this afternoon to kind of count it. When we start out and said if you want what we have and are willing to go to anything to get it then you are ready to take certain steps. That's three things we have to do before we even start the steps. Step one has got two parts to it. Step two has got at least five parts to it. So now you have got ten parts to the first two steps and you have to keep doing those for the rest of your life. And all of the steps are that way to me. They are all complex lots and lots of parts. None of them are any more complicated than for instance being honest. There was a guy that used to come to the meetings with me and he really said Mr. Sponsor I am having a problem with this honesty thing. The sponsor said don't lie. He said no I want the deep spiritual explanation of honesty. He said don't lie. That is all there is to being honest. Don't lie. Don't exaggerate because an exaggeration is a lie. Don't do those things. Honesty is a huge part of this program. If you don't lie then you have the honesty down. It isn't any more complicated than that in any of the other little steps in this whole thing. Can I take two minutes and talk about Gilbert real quick. Gilbert came to my home group and has been for a long time. He came in one Sunday with his wife. He said I don't have bad days anymore. That was a pretty major revelation. Everybody has bad days. I don't have bad days anymore. He said my day is today are filled with either blessings or lessons. And he said a day that is filled with divine blessings and lessons from God cannot possibly be a bad day. I do not have bad days anymore. I laugh more. I'm standing here sober by the grace of the loving God. And thank you for allowing me to share it. Thanks. First I slip and then I trip I look in