Walked Out of My Fifth Step Knowing for the First Time I Belonged in AA — Patty B.

All right, hey everybody, let's have an A.I. meeting. My name is Julie and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells us her story. My name is Robert, I'm an alcoholic. I was debating whether I should read from my seat, but I thought I'd come on up here since they asked me to. And this reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual, in their own personal stories, describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they established their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on abluchipspeakers.org desperately in need will hear our speaker. We believe that it's... It's only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I'm one of them too, I must have this thing. I'm grateful that I was given a chance to come up here and do this reading and introduce our speaker. You know, I think you can say a whole lot of things, and you can say I've heard people say a lot of things, but I think what's important in a person's life is to watch what they do. Things are really based on the actions they take, and I have not known Patty a long time. She has lived in... Savannah, moved up to Atlanta several years ago, and in Savannah I would see her on her occasions at meetings, but it's sort of from afar. This past year I had an opportunity to do some work on a committee with her, and she may or may not talk about that, but over the years I was able to see her commitment and dedication to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I know that she exhibits it in other areas of her life. And without taking any more time, I want to introduce Patty. Come on up, please. Hi, everyone. I'm Patty. I'm an alcoholic. I asked him if I could speak from my seat. He said no. I didn't... You know, I've been to this place a lot for a lot of meetings, but I don't think I've ever been to this meeting, because when I lived in the Atlanta area, my home group has always been on Monday night, except actually for now. So it's good to be here, and I really appreciate Robert and Tim inviting me. My sobriety date is July 4th, 1986, and my home group is the Chapter 3 group in Sandy Springs, and I am an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and for that, I'm very grateful, because I think that's why I stand here before you today sober. I was... That's a neat reading that you start with, and it's funny. I've tried to look in the literature before I speak to sort of get an idea of what I want to talk about, and I wasn't sure when I was going to fit this in, so I'm going to start with it, because it kind of ties into what you read. And in the big book, right after the 11th step, it says, We alcoholics are undisciplined. Undisciplined. And that describes me very well. So we let God discipline us in a simple way that we have just outlined, and it's talking about the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, which you referred to. And then in the 9th tradition, it talks about this discipline thing again, this word that I really don't like. It says, So we of AA do obey spiritual principles. First, because we must, and ultimately because we kind of, we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are AA's disciplinarians. We need no other. And so that really describes my drinking and my recovery, really. But let me tell you a little bit more about it. I got sober when I was 23, and I was living in Maryland, which is where I grew up. You know, I drank for, I think I started drinking when I was around 12. And the first time that I drank, I drank to get drunk. And that was really what I wanted to do. And I had sips here and there of stuff, you know, my parents' drinks. And we would sometimes have cold duck on special occasions, and I'd get a little sip of that. And when I was sick, if I was lucky, I'd get some Irish whiskey, you know. But that was really my experience with drinking until I decided I wanted to drink and I wanted to get drunk. And I did. My friends, and I put our money together and we got a bottle of Mad Dog 2020 and I drank most of it and I got really drunk and really sick. And I'm sure I blacked out and passed out and I know I threw up on the front lawn where I did many times after that. And I thought it was fantastic, by the way. Those things, the getting sick and all that, was a price that I was willing to pay to feel the way I felt when I drank that alcohol. And so, at 12 years old, there's not a whole lot of opportunity, or at least there wasn't for me, to drink, but I did every chance I got, which was pretty much weekends. And it was kind of the, you know, the thing that kids do. We'd put in all of our allowances or, you know. Very shortly after I took my first drink, I learned how to steal. Imagine that. I would steal from my mother or whoever I could steal from. She was the person at that time. However I needed to, I would get my couple dollars to put in. So that we could buy some alcohol. So that I could get drunk. Now I have five brothers and sisters. I have three older ones. And at that point, they were all teenagers. And so, they were out partying with their friends and getting beer and having a good time. And I wanted to be like them. That's really what I was looking for, is that lifestyle where it appeared they had no cares. They had fun. You know, I wanted what they had. So that's why, really, that's why I was drinking. And it wasn't long after that, that I went from an A student at school, AB student, to a BC, to a CD, to a barely getting by. Which was primarily because I didn't go to school. It wasn't necessarily because my work, my grades were bad. I didn't have any grades. That was the problem. And so, and back then, you could miss a third of the school year and still pass. You know, you can't, that doesn't happen today. But, you know. And so, now your parents get arrested when that happens. So, I was barely getting by in school. And I was drinking as much as I could. And trying a lot of other things. By the time I was 15, I fell in love for the first time. And got pregnant at 16. Actually, I moved out first and then got pregnant. And was a parent by the time I was 17. As soon as I turned, a couple weeks after I turned 17. Oh, one week. The funny thing is, and I didn't know this until I got sober and learned about alcoholism. When I met this guy, who was the love of my life for a short period of time. There were a lot of those. He, I, I knew at 15 when I met him that I was not a very attractive drinker. Because I threw up all the time. I mean, I got really drunk, passed out. Got sloppy, threw up. And, and I knew that. And it didn't matter to me until all of a sudden there was a guy there that I wanted to impress. And now, all of a sudden, that is, you know, not very attractive. So, I actually didn't drink a whole lot around him. And I did a lot of other things. But I didn't drink a whole lot. And I, you know, I realize now that sort of that cutting, baffling, and powerful nature of alcoholism. And once I ended that relationship, in my mind, not physically, but once I ended it, I didn't care anymore. And I drank the way I wanted to drink. And it was like a switch flipped. So, when I was 18, I ended that relationship. And we, and I picked up drinking the way I'd left off. And not that I ever stopped. I just wasn't drinking the way I like to drink. And, and I picked that right back up. My son was a year old. I was unemployed. I didn't have a driver's license. I'm a high school dropout. And on my own. And I've got a child to take care of. So, the good thing is I'm pretty resourceful. So, I got two jobs. Not just one. Finally got a driver's license. Got a car. Pulled it all together. And probably lost it all in about six months. Pulled it all together again. Got another job. Another car. Another place to live. And then I would lose it all in about six months. And so, that's kind of the way I lived. I could hold it together for a short period of time. And, and then it would sort of fall apart. And I'd have to pull it all together again. And, you know, for me, when, you know, being in my early 20s, it's pretty easy. Not wasn't easy. But, you know, I can do that. I don't know how much longer I would have lasted doing that. But by the time I, I got here, my life was really going from job to job. I, I moved from place to place. I think I moved ten times in like six years. You know, I lived in places without any electricity or gas because I couldn't afford to pay a bill. Yet, I could drink every night. This child of mine who, you know, at this point is a couple years old, is going with me to all these places. I am not providing him any kind of, of parenting. He's getting a roof over his head and some food. And that's about it. And, he, and the food was the same. You know, we had cereal. And when I didn't have power, we had a cooler with milk in it. And, and, we had, maybe some, other cold food that I could fit in the cooler along with my pints of vodka and Kahlua that were in the cooler. And, we, would go out to whatever restaurant I worked in to eat. Because I would get free food. And that's how I fed him. And then when I went to work, I always worked nights. And I did that on purpose so that I'd have a babysitter and I could drop him off, go to work and say, you know, I'm going to be back late. Maybe I'll just pick him up in the morning. And then I would stay out all night drinking and find my way back in the morning. One of the amends that I had to make was to his grandmother who spent many a nights and days worrying because I would, I would come to pick him up reeking of alcohol, stumbling. And, I would take him out of her house and drive him home. You know, I don't know why she allowed that, but she probably felt she didn't have a choice. And I know it scared her to death every time I did that. And it took me many years into sobriety to realize that and the amends that were due for that and the words that were due, the living amends was already underway, but there was some words that needed to be said. And, um, and those words were said. So what happened is about two months before I got sober, my sister came to me, one of my sisters and said, um, you know, I'd like for you and Billy, my son to move in with me. And my first reaction was, I can't do that. I just signed a lease while you got a little understanding on my history. Signing a lease was not a responsibility that I took very seriously. Um, and so, um, but you know, I just threw it out there as an obstacle. Um, and, but what she said to me is, I will help you, uh, have a family life for Billy. So by this time he's six and I knew I was a horrible mother. I knew it and I, there was nothing I could do about it and I couldn't tell you or anybody else. Um, but I knew it and I tried to make it look on the outside that everything was okay and it wasn't okay. He, he, I'm, I knew that when he, I would take him to school during the day, in, in the morning he would get out of school and the bus would bring him to the house and I wasn't there and the bus would drop him off in kindergarten and the bus would come back and pick him up because his mother wasn't home. I wasn't working. I'm just out having a good time before work and I can't tell you how many times either I would pull up and he was sitting out on the curb or I would get there and I had missed him because the bus had come back around to get him and took him back to school and that's the kind of mother I am. And there's story after story after story about what kind of mother I was at that point in time. And, um, and I knew that. That, that was all what, you know, I kept inside of me that nobody else knew. So when she said that it got my attention and what I heard her saying is this is your last chance and if you want us, your family to help you, you better say yes. So I agreed to it and we had some rules. and now I, I don't like rules and the rules were that we're going to go grocery shopping, every week and buy food and have meals at home and we're going to I got to get a I have to get a real job which means a daytime job preferably in an office instead of a bar and so there's that we're going to have dinner every night we'll take turns uh cooking dinner we'll have food we'll buy a case of wine a week we'll buy our cigarettes with our groceries because I was smoking then and you can only smoke pot after Billy goes to bed so there's the rules okay so oh and we had to do a budget we had to do a budget I couldn't I got a job working in a bar during the day um so uh very quickly after starting that job I proved that I just couldn't get home for dinner I just couldn't and I tried I would have one drink and think this is all I'm going to have my friends would come by and I don't know about here because I didn't drink in Georgia but in Maryland you the hour starts at five o'clock I couldn't get home so I couldn't meet my commitment about the dinner I would drink the whole case of wine not just my half and my sister had to start taking her half over to her boyfriend's house I'm not really sure about the smoking pot thing if I broke that rule or not I'm sure that I did but I that was not a big deal compared to the others you know it's funny when when I uh hit bottom my circumstances were probably better than they had been just uh physically around me then except that I couldn't live with the fact that I couldn't live up to those rules and I you know that was sort of now somebody else is seeing that I I can't do what normal people do I I just can't I can't take care of my son I can't keep simple commitments and um uh you know it wasn't I I can't tell you how many times I didn't have a car or I had a car and I had no insurance or I didn't have a job I didn't have a place to live none of that was going on I think I actually had insurance I used to steal the little stickers and put them on my car so I didn't have to get my own insurance but I think I really had my own insurance I had a car and I had a job and I had a nice place to live my sister helped provide that and so um my son has his own room he's not like sleeping on the couch in the one bedroom place that I have to live in or anything like that and so um that I couldn't deal with the fact that I couldn't live up to the expectation that really was my bottom and what happened was not like any you know was not different than any other day I I decided um the day before I ended up in detox that um I wanted to go out with one of my girlfriends it was her birthday and we have to go celebrate and she has a son about the same age as mine and um so I asked my sister if she would babysit and of course she said no and um and so we put the boys to sleep and off we left we just left again not unusual I had done that before we're out we were out drinking all night and when I came home I uh called in sick to work I think I was supposed to be there at nine or something I called in sick got my son off to school and I overdosed and I you know I don't remember thinking I you know I wanted to kill myself or I don't remember thinking really at all whatever whatever whatever was going on it was a way for me to get help and it it was and my the boyfriend I had at the time and I didn't even go into all that stuff but the boyfriend I had at the time um did probably the nicest thing he ever did for me and that was to call my sister and say you got to come home she knew exactly what to do she had already checked out the local detox um she took me there and um when she dropped me off there my boyfriend left my house and promptly got locked up again um and so he went off to jail and I went off to treatment and I'm very grateful for that because I um it took me uh out of that lifestyle long enough for me to learn about alcoholism and understand that I am an alcoholic I really thought I was a bad person I thought this was it this was my lot in life and I had a very hopeless horrible sort of life and I you know way to change the way I felt from that was to go to complete oblivion that was my option I could either be hopeless or oblivious when I got into I went to a detox and then to a rehab it gave me a little bit of time away from that so I could get some perspective and I will be forever grateful for Father Martin's chalk talk if any of you have ever heard of that and I you know one of these days I'm going to look at that again he talked about the disease of alcoholism in a way that I could understand and in a way that that really brought me great relief I am grateful today to be an alcoholic because there is a solution for me and and I have applied the principles that I have learned in this program and my life couldn't be more polar opposite today from where when it was then I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I want So after I went to detox it took me a while to to start changing because you know the change really starts not necessarily when we put the Drake down but when we pick up the tools of this program and and start working these 12 steps that are behind me and then learn how to apply the 12 traditions to our life and and you know that's a process that takes a while but you you know I you have to start well it took me a while to start because I was enjoying my time here back home in America and I knew about the things that happened but I knew about my life and I knew that all of it was going to be serious was going to bring me joy and I knew about the things that happened but I knew that it would enjoying um my my life and my new friends and um for a while I I really enjoyed the fellowship for the first year and um and I was the same old person just not drinking and I uh you know and just to illustrate that a little bit the day I got out of treatment which so I'm probably like 60 days sober by that day my old drug dealer picks me up I arranged that we went down to the county courthouse because my best friend that I last drank with had a custody hearing for her son and she wanted me to be her character witness and um yeah it gets worse from there and then um thank god I didn't get called into that courtroom oh my gosh so um I was willing though and uh so while I'm there the drug dealer just dropped me off um so but you know I had no business being in that car with him and so while I'm there I run into my old attorney slash um uh what would you call him sugar daddy maybe um and uh he's the guy that got me out of trouble all the time and um and I was having an affair with him and he was married and um which quite honestly when I was drinking so my thinking was so off I thought that was a good thing because I don't have to worry about any expectations because that whole discipline thing and so um uh you know trust me today I realized that was really wrong but that's the way I thought and um so he's there so he's going to take me home well he has to go by his office and do some things so here I am stranded now in the meantime my sister and my son are at home cooking me a welcome home dinner and I'm two hours late because I'm out doing all this stuff with people I have no business being with that pretty much colored my first year you know I can go to my first year and go through scenario after scenario but that was kind of it and then I started uh hearing about the steps and I started hearing about the steps because people were asking me have you done a four-step yet have you done a four-step yet and I'm like no no no and then you know when you got to do something how every meeting you go in they're talking about it you know how that happens well that was happening and um the final straw was when I went to get gas one morning before work um the guy at the gas station says have you done your fifth four-step yet and um so I I uh that really was it I I knew him and he worked there he was a friend but um but that was kind of it and I I finally um started writing a four-step and by that time I had asked a woman to sponsor me that um really had what I wanted I I had a several false attempts at sponsorship and um so I had to do it and I had to do it and I had to do it and I had to do it and I had to do it and so I I did finally ask this woman Becky to be my sponsor and um and I asked her because um to look at her she looked clean and I didn't feel clean and she was nice and she didn't person meetings like I did and she just seemed like she had it all together and she talked she she talked the talk and she looked like she walked the walk now I didn't spend enough time around her to know if she really did but she looked like she walked the walk and I didn't like she did thank goodness she did actually so I ended up working the steps with her and the the neat thing about that is is she was a lot like me and she had become someone that I wanted to become and um and she had become that someone by working the steps and she had principles in her life and she was living a responsible life by that point she was married and had a child I I think she probably was sober seven or ten years by that time and that gave me a lot of hope because I really didn't feel like I could be any better of a person than I was and so I started working the steps with her and I'll never forget the day I did my fifth step with her I left there really feeling like I belonged in AA and I wasn't quite sure if I did or I didn't I had nowhere else to go so I stayed but after that day I knew I did and um and I and I have uh abused a lot of drugs and I was had that drug and I was that whole drug alcohol what am I thing going to and and you know when I left her house that day I was clear about where I was and and what I was and where I needed to be and and where my recovery was and you know it wasn't too long after that that I got an opportunity to move to Georgia and I'll speed this up because uh I was starting a career and I didn't even know it got a job after about a year working with that same sister the only reason I got a job is because they were desperate to hire someone it was a health problem it was a health problem it was a health problem it was a health care company in Annapolis Maryland and they were growing very rapidly and they needed someone to work in their payroll department and I had a little teeny bit of office experience I mean a little bit and so they hired me based on my sister's reference that was it and that turned out to be a career for me and and I still work in that field today and and I had no idea you know I learned here that um I'm to be responsible and to show up every day and I'm to be responsible I had a little trouble getting up in the morning it took me a couple years to sort of change that from nights to days but I was responsible and I went to work and I worked hard while I was there and I did everything they asked me to do and before I knew it they were asking me to do more and more and they were giving me more and more responsibility turns out I have some skills actually I didn't know uh you know I did pretty well and and I decided that if I was going to further my career I had to go to college by this time I was going to go to college and I was going to I'm I'm 26 27 years old and trying to figure out how do you start college I don't remember most of my high school years and I quit in the 12th grade luckily I did take a GED so I at least didn't have to revisit that but I did have to take some remedial courses and I believe I started when I was about 28 years old and it seemed like a long road ahead and actually it was it was 12 years to get an undergraduate degree because I by this time I my son is growing up and then I met someone and got married in sobriety and I ended up having my daughter and and at the whole time I'm working full-time and going to school you know I come back to what it says in this book about us being undisciplined and with God's help we can be disciplined and with God's help I was able to not only work full-time and raise my children but to go to school so that I could even further better myself and also to get very involved in AA and keep my keep myself in the middle of AA through it all because I'm a firm believer today that without AA and without being in the middle I can't do any of it and I was always taught that and so I have always kept a service position whether it's in my home group or in the the district zone or the area and and I can remember one time when I didn't have one and it was for a year and I did it on purpose because it was sort of crunch time to finish that undergraduate degree and I was taking extra classes and I just needed to get it done doesn't mean I didn't go to a lot of AA meetings because I did I just didn't have a service commitment and that was a purposeful decision other than that I always have had one and it's not because I think AA needs me it's because I need AA AA does not need me I need AA and the way that I I keep myself in the middle is to have a commitment because you taught me how to be responsible and if I tell you I'm going to do something for the most part I'm going to do it and and I you know I have been very blessed and so as I've worked the steps learned how to incorporate the tradition life has you know taken all of its twists and turns as it does it gets you know hard sometimes really great other times one day at a time I have accumulated a family that trusts me friends that I love and support me through everything and I was able to finish that college degree and then go on to get a graduate degree you know I can remember several times you know me calling my spawns well a lot of times me calling my sponsor and saying I'm so tired of doing homework all weekends I don't want to do this anymore I can't keep doing this I want a life everybody else has a life but me she would just say hang up the phone and do your homework or you know call your father this is how he got his education she would she would just keep reminding me that I can do this I can do this and I would push forward and and that's been the case for everything in my life I have a sponsor today who I've had for 27 years and you know she's not she is a sponsor but she's part of my family and I I don't want to say she's not a sponsor anymore because she's the one I call when I'm you know when life is getting hard you know she's the one I call but she has been there through everything when I ask her and even when I don't ask her to be there she just always seems to know and she's there you know I have after I moved to Georgia I that that career has taken me all over the state of Georgia in various jobs and so I've moved and actually I tried to get another sponsor once I moved to Albany Georgia has anybody ever been there to Albany Albany it's southwest Georgia and it is real Georgia this is nothing like the real Georgia here so I thought it was a little bit of a culture shock moving to Stone Mountain from Maryland wow Albany was a culture shock moving from metro Atlanta to Albany but I was at the time I was getting divorced and I I thought I need to you know I need to have a sponsor where I am my sponsor lives up here and it lasted oh maybe three months and I just I just couldn't do it I had too much history and so I made a commitment to her and to myself that I would do my part to keep my relationship with her current and I kept her as a long-distance sponsor actually for the next ten years and we now live in the same area so it it's fine now but that relationship has been really really important she has taught me so much and you know from the person I described when I got here to the lady I've become she gets a lot of credit because she was already that lady when I met her now I'm not sure she was always that lady but by the time I met her she knew how to behave like a lady and she taught me how to behave like a lady because I didn't know how and I learned that here so she she's really the one that taught me that and she's a part of my family you know every big event she's there and so you know today I am married to a man that I love and respect which is different for me um I have two beautiful children uh that son of mine is now 36 he's married and he has seven children of his own and they trust me to watch their children I told you what kind of parents I was they trust now I don't maybe desperation they do have seven kids but no I'm just kidding when they when they had one and two they trust me to watch them and I I just that amazes me that um the way that I took care of him and and I am now allowed to to care for their children um and his oldest is just like him and it just really makes me happy um he's very difficult um uh the um and I used to think it was because I was such a bad young mother no he was just difficult because his son is just like him and then I have a daughter who is um she's 21 and and she's just a good girl you know and I you know my son gave me a lot of challenges when he was a teenager and you know he's had his ups and downs he's doing great now and and has been for some time but you know he he took me through that whole parenting of a teenager and how difficult that can be he he really showed me about all of that and um and my daughter has been quite the opposite you know I I'm grateful for that but I also know that whatever happens I have the tools to to cope with it and deal with it and and she is quite a normal child she actually went to high school and was involved in her high school and then went right to college I didn't do that my son didn't do that he went to college in his late 20s just like I did he dropped out of school and went to the navy and dropped out of the navy so he had his struggles and doncât ended up turning out okay and um and she didn't do any of that she just was like a normal kid she is like a normal kid it's weird you know as far as I know neither one of them are alcoholics you know I guess more will be revealed as life goes on but it doesn't appear that way now but you know we have seven more that might be so who knows um and you know I that's another reason why I stay involved in AA is because I want it here for the next person and you know that first year when I was just enjoying the fellowship there were people setting up the meetings there were people making coffee there were people printing you know getting meeting lists out so I knew where that next meeting was going to be that I was going to there were people organizing dances so that I had something to do on the weekend and I was enjoying all of that I wasn't helping but I was enjoying all of that and I'm very grateful for that because I that kept me sober for a while and you know I try to do that for others and and That's another reason why I try to stay involved. You know, life is good right now, and I have come so far. You know, I'm just nothing like the person I was when I got here. But I also know that if I get away from AA and decide I can do this on my own, that same thinking will come right back. And I know that. I've sort of danced around that a little bit here and there, and I haven't gotten too close, but I know it's there. And I hear it from other people, and so I do my best to stay away from that and how I do that is I stay in the middle and I keep doing the basics that we talk about, which is going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, talking to other alcoholics, praying, and working the program. And from that, God has given me that discipline, and I'm really grateful. And I have great love in my life. I didn't have great love when I got here. And I want it. I don't want it to go away. And I know that I have to keep doing what I was taught to do to keep it. Occasionally, I feel like I'm suffering, you know, greatly suffering. You know, it talks about great love and great suffering. But honestly, it's nothing compared to what it was like when I was drinking. If I keep coming to meetings, I can be reminded of that on a regular basis. If I'm not going to meetings, I'm not going to remember that on my own. It's very easy to forget what it was like if I'm not here listening to other shares. All right. That's why I keep coming back. And I really appreciate you listening to me, and thank you so much for letting me share. Thank you so much. That was really wonderful. Thank you. Karen, will you please give out the chip? Hi, guys. I'm Karen, and I'm an alcoholic. We have a chip system here at the NaviPub to mark our time in sobriety. The first chip we offer is a white chip for those of you who are wanting to try our way of life one day at a time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I didn't start drinking until I was in my late 40s. I moved to Moscow, representing American pharmaceutical companies. And a lot of the business, most of the business here was good down at lunch. There was a lot of vodka drinking. And I just started drinking vodka. After five years of living there, and I came back, first thing in the morning, I wanted to drink. I mean, I wanted to drink. And it was a miracle that there was a man that worked for me who's a CPA. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. who was involved with AA, and I just called AA, and I found out there was a meeting, and you know, I went into a meeting, and I met a fellow who said he had 16 years, and his sons had never seen him drinking, and I realized that that's what I wanted, and that was like what was really important to me, I wanted to, I don't know how I got into the alcohol, you know, it wasn't like an early thing, I would get drunk, but you know, not get drunk, not drink for a few weeks, but when I came back from Russia, I was an everyday, every morning, every night drinker, blackout drinker, the whole thing, you know, and what keeps me sober today is going to meetings, fellowship, following the steps, but it's really you people who keep me sober, and that's why I go to a lot of meetings, I've been trying to find meetings that I like, I like this meeting at NABA on Monday night, I come, this is probably my fourth meeting now. And thank you very much for helping me stay sober. How many years? This is for one year. It's for a blue chip? Well, that would be me. Thank you. I'm an alcoholic? No, I get to say something. Oh, my God. This is Karen, and she's an alcoholic. It's something to me, all the time, I ask people to do the chips, and it's like, actually their birthday, you should say no, I can't. Why? You never say no on your birthday. She's great, here's her chip. This is number three. I'm not even going to cry this year, that's a switch. I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, I go to meetings, I work with other women, I did the steps, the way they're outlined in the book, a lot faster than I thought I was going to, and, you know, I just trust God, and cleaned up my own house, and I'm working with others, and hopefully, I'll keep doing this. Thank you. Okay. How are you? Like this? Anybody else want to try this way of life? One day? There you go. Anybody? Okay. God bless you for the chips you hold. Thank you. Thank you. That was great. Thank you, one and all, for joining the Blue Chip Speakers meeting tonight. Take you on a trip down the shelf with the blue chip.