Walked Out of My Fifth Step Knowing for the First Time I Belonged in AA — Patty B.

About This Speaker Tape

Patty, sober since July 4, 1986, tells the story of a drinking career that began at twelve with a shared bottle of Mad Dog 2020 and ended in a Maryland detox at twenty-three. She walks through the wreckage: stealing from her mother for drink money, pregnant at sixteen, a high school dropout parenting her son Billy while moving ten times in six years — apartments without electricity, a cooler holding milk, vodka, and Kahlua side by side. She worked nights on purpose so she could dump Billy with a sitter and drink until morning, and she made the rounds of his grandmother's house reeking of alcohol to pick him up.

The bottom arrived not in squalor but in comfort. Her sister took her and Billy in with a set of rules — family dinners, a case of wine a week, budgets — and Patty couldn't keep any of them. Being unable to live up to ordinary expectations, with someone finally watching, was what broke her. After a night out celebrating a girlfriend's birthday she came home, got her son off to school, and overdosed. Her boyfriend called her sister, who already knew where the detox was.

She spent her first year enjoying the fellowship without changing — her old drug dealer picked her up from treatment; her married-attorney sugar daddy stranded her the same afternoon. What turned it was a sponsor named Becky who 'looked clean' when Patty didn't feel clean, and a fifth step that left her knowing for the first time that she belonged in AA. From there she built a career in healthcare payroll on a sister's reference, took twelve years to earn an undergraduate degree while raising kids and holding service commitments, and went on to a graduate degree.

The thread she pulls through the whole tape is from page 29 and Tradition Nine: alcoholics are undisciplined, and great suffering and great love are AA's disciplinarians. Today she has a husband she respects, a 36-year-old son with seven children who trust her to babysit, a 21-year-old daughter, and the same sponsor of 27 years. She keeps a service commitment not because AA needs her but because she needs AA, and she knows the old thinking is still there if she ever decides she can do this on her own.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Julie opens the Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club; Robert reads from page 29 and introduces Patty
• 3:30 Patty grounds the talk in Tradition 9 — alcoholics are undisciplined; great suffering and great love are AA's disciplinarians
• 6:00 First drink at 12 — Mad Dog 2020, threw up on the front lawn, thought it was fantastic
• 11:00 Pregnant at 16, a parent at 17, drinking picked right back up once the relationship ended
• 16:00 The cooler with milk, vodka and Kahlua; working nights so she could drop Billy off and stay out
• 22:00 Sister's ultimatum — move in, case of wine a week, family dinners, and Patty can't keep a single rule
• 28:00 The overdose morning after a friend's birthday; boyfriend calls her sister, sister drives her to detox
• 34:00 First year sober — old drug dealer, married sugar daddy, 60 days clean and still running the same people
• 40:00 Asks Becky to sponsor her because she 'looked clean'; fifth step leaves her knowing she belongs in AA
• 48:00 Twelve years to an undergraduate degree while raising kids, working full time, and keeping a service commitment