Traditions as Operational Tools: Common Welfare, Singleness of Purpose, and Autonomy With Responsibility – Tom I.

Hi, folks. Tom Ivester, an alcoholic, member of the Primary Purpose Group of AA in Southern Pines, North Carolina. There is a Pine Bluff, as it says on the program, but I've never lived there, so I had to go check it out. My sobriety date is Groundhog Day of 57. I'll tell you, that's a lot longer than I ever meant to stay sober, I'll tell you that. But I just continue to be amazed at that. I swear to God, this has been just a wonderful kind of a thing. I was so proud of my buddies that I just could bust. And solid stuff, good across the board. And I swear I feel like a buzzard at an Eagles convention after listening to those guys. That's been something else. And they've still got Sandy and Sharon, so shoot, man, we're just rolling. I'm the change of pace guy. You want to get somebody from the deep south to do the change of pace, at a minimum, I'll slow it down. And with any luck, I'll dumb it down a little bit. And the other thing I like to do is sort of pick up on some stuff that my buddies were talking about in terms of real action. And so those two things of unity and principles of... I don't know if I've ever talked about the principles of service, but what the heck, why not? Principles of everything that we do. I could just talk about traditions and concepts, and we'd be talking about the principles of service and principles of unity. But I'm not too... I'm not too much for just sort of haranguing about those things. I'm an experienced guy. I really like to base everything in experience as much as I possibly can. I haven't experienced everything, but I'm working on it, and not too much left. So I'd like to talk about this whole issue of unity in the program. And I'll visit the tradition just to... To make the point, there's some of them that very specifically address unity. They all do. The traditions are about unity, about how to use principles in our relationships, no matter what they are. And I'll tell you, I've found as much utility in the traditions as I have in the steps. And I've used them as much in my life as any other part of the program in every aspect of it. I used it in my professional life more than I ever used anything. I learned in college. They've been wonderful principles to make organizations work for you, trying to get people to work together. And so I'm a great believer in tradition. I do like the idea of experience, though. And I'll visit these things and just share some experience that I think builds unity. That's kind of an important thing for me in terms of both unity and service, is because, borrowing from what the guys are talking about in the steps, that... I'll just visit it this much and just say that I was a guy just like every other human being that was a product of my environment. And sometimes environments have positive results, sometimes they have negative. But everybody's influenced by their environment, of course. And I was. It's interesting to me that I grew up in the same home with my sister. Everything about... Everything about it was the same except the result. She responded very well to the experiences of our lives and did well. Poor soul has never been in jail in her life. Okay? Something wrong with a red-blooded American that's never been to jail. Held a job for a disgustingly long period. My God. I mean, she's just a pure loser in terms of life and fun. Still... Still lives in the same place. That I grew up and hated from day one. Only time I get homesick is when I go home. And I get out of there real quick. And she grew up just great. Amazing thing. But I, instead of responding and developing in keeping with my experiences, I reacted to them and internalized a lot of things that went on in our lives. I just... And just one example. And I won't biz this too long. But my father deserted the family when I was four years old. And that was a no-brainer. I know the day he left, I remember, hazy to be sure, but I remember that wherever he was going, I knew he wasn't coming back. And if you had asked me about that any time during my formative years or early adult years or early years in AA, I would have just blown it off and said, no big deal. If you'd asked me about my dad, I'd have said there ain't none. But I would submit to you that when a father leaves a four-year-old child, that is not without damage. And there's some real things that occur with that. You know, a lot of things like guilt, fear, insecurity, anger, dishonesty. An awful lot of things ensue from that to sort of make up for the absence. And I could go on with a whole litany of things that form, but that's just one significant. And so those things were extremely important to me because in response to them, what I developed was some coping devices that we call character defects. I developed some very handy kinds of techniques of dealing with life that became ingrained in me as a way of life. I became an inveterate liar. I didn't have to make up lies. I just spontaneously would spit out one on any occasion. And I put it in the past. It's tense, but I tell you, that's still my basic reflex when I get into a tight situation. If somebody asks me a sudden question, I have never blurted out the truth in my life. It's not in me. I have to sort of work up to it and rehearse it. Lying is just second nature. It's like breathing. And so that's why it's defects of character. Well, and just a whole bunch of others. But why are those important? They have a great deal to do with getting to a point of feeling unity with a group of people. You know, I grew up as a very isolated, very private, very stand-back type of guy. I wouldn't mix it up with people. I would if I had the right mix of stuff in me. But by nature, I was not that way. So when I came into AA, I was not a natural joiner. And so there were a lot of things about the program that were extremely important to me. Extremely important, not only in the steps, but in the traditions to help me get in so that I could be one of the players and be on the team. And so those are traditions that I value a great deal. The steps are fairly obvious in terms of starting to cut through and to get some of those things addressed, as my buddy talked about so well today with Clint with the A's and I's step, the very, very powerful healing forces in that. But then traditions are very important. And I'd just like to point out a couple of them. The first one, I think the first tradition, just like the first step, is the fundamental grounding of all of the program. Everything else builds out of that, all of the things of recovery build out of the ashes of defeat and surrender that's embodied in the first step. And the first tradition is the same function, that the recognition that our common welfare is paramount. No offense to the group in L.A., but it's... It's important, fundamentally important. Michael told me to say that. And no, he didn't. But it's fundamental, you know, that that welfare is very, very important. Now, when I'm doing traditions, I like to personalize it. I find out that the traditions are far easier for me to understand if I look at them from a personal perspective. The more, the bigger the issue to which I try to apply traditions, the more difficult it is to comprehend. But I can break it down. And I break it down in just sort of a real simple, down-to-earth kind of way. My welfare comes first. It really does. I had an old buddy that used to travel the Sawdust Trail and doing a lot of talking in L.A. And I know that what he said was a rhetorical thing, and he didn't really mean it like he said, I don't think. Not sure. But he would say to the group, if... If one of us, you, the group, or me, the speaker, has to drink again, I hope it's me instead of you. And every time that guy said that, I thought, what is he smoking? I mean, come on, man. That's nice, and I know that's in keeping with Brother's Keeper, but you ain't going to find me saying that. Now, I know that none of us ever have to drink again. But if... If any of us do, I want to be the last dude standing. Now, that's just the cold-blooded facts of it. My welfare comes first. And so what does that mean in terms of unity? I recognize that my group, my home group, is where I stake my life. I count on that group to be my ship in a stormy sea. And therefore, I take care of that group like a mother does a child. I take care of that group. I pay attention to that group because my welfare depends on that group. And what it breeds is a great deal of unity in terms of getting along. I'll give you a couple examples of things that I thought, since I'm a high-bottomed drunk, I'd bring Perrier to drink tonight. See how many I can fool with that. A couple examples of that. That kind of get it. Common welfare. What some of you know, thanks to comments from some of my L.A. delegation, that I had some experience in the Grey Rock Hotel. And when I was finally drummed out of there, I went back to North Carolina, not at my behest, but at theirs. And I left the state of Michigan and went back to North Carolina and went to what was to be my home group. And I swear to God, it was the worst meeting I'd ever been to in my life, ever. If we'd have had a meeting that bad in jail, somebody would have got hurt. It just didn't happen. And that plain thing just pure sucked. And I thought, my God, what is this? And I lived 20 miles from the big city of Charlotte. And I thought, man, I'm getting out of here. I didn't want to come back to Mayberry anyway. And so then I thought, a disturbing thought occurred to me. I'm the second oldest member in that town. Now, this was a long time ago. This was a long time ago. And A.A. was not exactly rocking and rolling there. And the only guy older than me was an old man. No offense to any of my dear friends, but that dude was over the hill. And pretty bad. But he was a wonderful old guy. I just loved him dearly, and he loved me dearly. And he was a fine man. He was the treasurer of the group and had been for seven years. And I'll guarantee you, he was a good treasurer. The biggest thing he would have done to violate trust would have been to slip money in, not take it out. And so he was a loyal guy. And so we got looking around, and we started trying to make some motions to get a group started there instead of just a gaggle of drunks. And so started working on it. And it doesn't take too much, you know. Just as soon as you show a little spark of leadership, if you make it sense, people will follow you. And so folks started to pay attention a little bit, started forming a group. And after a couple of months, now keep in mind the old man I'm talking about. This is the guy that took me to my first meeting the first day I had stepped into North Carolina. This is the man that took me to every meeting I attended because I had no driver's license. This was a man that loved me as much as his son. But what I'm going to talk to you about is common welfare. So we started to form the group, and we had probably the first election in the history of that gaggle. And it was a little more somber than the average election, but it had pretty much the same kind of ingredients that nominate somebody. Yeah, okay, close the nomination. So it sailed smoothly through chairman, secretary, and then it came to treasurer. Now, the heirloom. The heirloom was full of attention for what we had to deal with, and it was obvious we needed to make a change in the treasurer. Nobody in that group could have hurt the old man more than me with a nomination other than him. But that was the quietest AA meeting I have ever seen in my entire life when we called for nominations of treasurer. I don't even think people. We're breathing. Well, I'm sitting there, and there come times, and if they haven't with you, they will. There come times when you have to see what you're made out of. When you say that you're committed to the common welfare and you mean that, you'll get a chance to prove it. And that's exactly what happened that night. I'm sitting there praying that somebody will nominate somebody. Well, somebody did. But it was me. And I nominated, and it passed, and we went on. I wish I could tell you that the old man got over it. He never did. It hurt him. It took away part of his identity. But what he'd done over the years was he'd gotten possessive of the job. It's what happens when you don't rotate, when you have one person in the job forever. And so he got protective, and he got to a point where somebody would buy a package of cookies, and say, well, Mr. Mack, those cookies cost $2. And he would say something like, boy, those cookies are sure getting expensive. Well, folks are sensitive, you know, and they'd think he was telling you. So it was a loaded thing. And so when that thing happened, it just crushed that old boy. He didn't quit. He didn't get drunk, but he was never the same. But what happened, and it wasn't just him, but it was a thing. It was a thing of starting to operate with some principles to get unity where people are pulling together to get something done. When I left that town two years later, there were 60 members in that group. And so unity and getting things out in the open so that alcoholics are pulling together, sometimes it calls for tough stuff, but in the long run, the common welfare has to come first. Our recovery depends. Our recovery depends on a unity. There was one other one that I just wanted to mention. I jotted them down, and it's dark in here. By the way, there's a green light in here somewhere. Every time speakers got up today, you remember the incredible hunk, you know? I'd see this ripple of green go across people's faces, and I could just see that big, tough stuff. I bet my jacket. My jacket even looks green. Just one second here while I get this in focus, and I can tell you what the other one was. Well, shoot, let me just skip over a minute, and I'll come back. Common welfare. What am I talking about? Welfare. Well, anyway, let me move to a couple others that need to remind me. I want to mention this. Oh, I do. Yeah, I do. One that's kind of intimately personal. I know that spiritual giants don't get out. They're aggravated with stuff, but I'm not one, so I do. And so a while back, now, I'm a strong home group guy. I'm not a maybe. I'm a strong home group guy, and I dearly love the home group that I have today. I was out of town at one time, and I missed a business meeting. And I know that none of those pilgrims in my group would do this, but they made a motion to do something. They made a motion to do something that they knew I would disagree with vehemently. And so when I came back and was greeted with the information, the spiritual giant was hot. I mean, I was flat hot. And what's that got to do with common welfare? Had I wanted to do it, I could have gone in there and had some kind of a duck fit with the folk and probably... I don't know if I could have gotten it turned around or not. But had I done that, I would have done a great deal of harm because I was too mad to be sensible. I was too mad to be rational because the decision that was made took away a fundamental part of what makes that group have a well-rounded program. And so that decision was made. So I'm too hot to say anything. So I never said a word to a soul. I'm thinking. That's dangerous. But I'm thinking. And what I'm doing is trying to evaluate what is it that I'm mad about. Am I really concerned because of some principle that threatens the integrity of that group? Or am I just angry because somebody dared to do something that I wouldn't like while I was out of town? Well, I have a kind of point of view about business meetings. If I'm not... Whatever they vote for, I voted for it because I voted with my absence. And so I just sat quiet and I thought it through and absolutely satisfied myself that I was concerned about the principle and the integrity of the group and not just my feelings and my anger. The first business meeting came up about a month later. I was too mad to say anything. I was still mad. And that's not the way to solve problems if you're interested in common welfare. I bit my tongue. God knows. That was hard. Waited another month. And then the time came. Sitting in the business meeting, there came a little place for new business and I just simply said, guys, we made a decision a couple of months ago to fix something that I don't think was broken. And I'm not going to make a motion. I just... I'd like to request that we reinstate that portion of the program effective tonight. Amazing thing about the sense of a group and the response of a group. One guy asked one little question and then overwhelmingly voted. Well, see, common welfare means more than me just imposing my will and coming at people full force. It means to pay attention to what folks are doing and make them part of the decision-making and not just subservient to my will. And so common welfare comes out in an awful lot of kind of ways. And the whole business of leadership, you know, that whole thing is tied in to the kind of stuff I'm talking about right here. One other one that I'll mention that has to do with unity is the third one that has a great deal to do with unity. I don't know about you, but I'll tell you what was going through my mind right before I got up here tonight. Wouldn't it be something if we could get to a point this weekend where every person in this room committed to go back to wherever you operate in AA and do something to make a difference in something you're concerned about? Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? Wouldn't that be a powerful, kind of a resource? And I'm going to invite you to one that you're part of whether you want to be or not. And it has to do with third tradition. Third tradition simply says that, well, the short form is a little oversimplified. It says the only crime is to desire to stop drinking. Long form says problem with alcoholism. So it's not wide-open crapshoot on just anybody who's ever had a drink. It's for folks with a drinking problem. It's single-supurpose. And if there's anything that, and I know most of my buddies here travel around the country a great deal and probably run the same thing as I do. I rarely get out of the airport that that subject doesn't come up. Man, we got a lot of trouble here with that. We've got whole sections of this country that have just given up any pretense of single-supurpose. Make no pretense of it. Well, that troubles me. That troubles me a great deal. I've got great friends who are drug addicts, but they're not members of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was sitting at, I sponsor a prison, and that's probably one of my strongest commitments. And so I was sitting there one night, and now a sponsor is not a visitor. A sponsor is a guide. And so it's more than just sort of sitting back and watching what happens. I'm sitting there watching. And it was time for election of a chair. And so they opened it up, and they nominated a guy named Mike, who's a nice man. But he's a drug addict. He's not an alcoholic. He's not a member. And I was watching Mike when that nomination was made, and he just kind of dropped his head because he is a nice man. And he just didn't have the thing to say, no, I'm not going to do it. And it wasn't well-defined. And so I spoke up, and I said, whoa, whoa, hold on, guys. You can't nominate Mike. Mike's not an alcoholic. He's a drug addict, and he's not a member of the group, for God's sake. You can't do that. And so they just said, okay, fine, and then got somebody else. They got to the end of the meeting, and the chair, before he closed the meeting, he said, Tom, a lot of guys are troubled about the kind of thing you addressed when we were doing the nominations and really don't understand. Would you elaborate a little bit on what you're saying? And you know what? You know how it is sometimes when you get put on the spot and you've got to respond quickly, you have to resort to the truth. Because I don't have time to make up any nice thing. And without fail, when I reach in to what I come out with is what I truly believe. And so I just responded almost automatically, and I said, I'd never said this before. I'd never said it. I said, are you guys familiar with how A started? And most everybody was not. And I said, all right, you remember what happened when the physician, who was still drunk, was visited by an out-of-look stockbroker, and the stockbroker shared with him about his alcoholism and his recovery. And when he got through, the physician said, finally, somebody understands. Well, I think something momentous happened that day. You may or may not. But I think something momentous happened that day in that the basic tenet of Alcoholics Anonymous was formed. And that basic tenet is that when one alcoholic talks to another alcoholic and shares about his life, it gains the trust. Trust and confidence like nothing the world has ever seen. And that basic principle was the fulcrum upon which Alcoholics Anonymous was formed. Now, I think what you and I have to look at, and I hope you will, that somewhere along the line, we have got to deal with this rampant kind of ignoring of singleness of purpose. That tenet is right or it's wrong. And I think it's important. I think it's important. I think it's important for everybody in this room to think it through and form your own opinion about what you believe. And if you believe that tenet is right, that that is basic principle of Alcoholics Anonymous, then you and I who have found recovery here have an absolute responsibility to be sure that the next person who comes in that door finds what we found. Thank you. I think it's a basic responsibility. Now, that's just one guy's opinion. But thank you very much, love. Thank you. I was about to say thank you for that ovate. But I appreciate that. But I do think the whole fellowship's going to have to do a sort of a global group conscience about this thing and come to a reckoning that that's either an important principle or it isn't. If that principle's not true, it couldn't matter. It couldn't matter less. I'm one who believes it's true. And so, important for unity. Very important for unity. I think it's very important when I say that I'm taking somebody to a closed meeting that they can count on it being a closed meeting. That it's a group of alcoholics in whom they can invest some trust. And if we don't provide that environment, we are abandoning an omission of trust that's been given to us. And so I think it's an awfully important thing in terms of unity. So that we've got who we say we are. In the real world, they call that integrity. We're who we say we are. I've just mentioned a couple more. Well, probably more than that. But I'll mention a couple more just anyway. Not too many. Fourth one is one that's kind of important to me. It's about unity. And, you know, unity is each group. My God, what's wrong with my memory? Each group is autonomous. Should be autonomous. Accepted matters affecting other groups or as a whole. Well, that's good. Let me break it down a little bit. Each member is autonomous. Practice AA any way you wish. Provided it doesn't interfere with other members or the fellowship as a whole. I have the right to practice AA any way I wish. And so do you. As long as I don't interfere with somebody else's opportunity to do it. I think it's a real responsibility that goes with that. In terms of how I conduct myself in AA. Now, I'm a pretty straight up guy. You know, I'm a pretty clean guy. And I'm not pretty clean. I'm very clean. I'm very clean. I'm a very clean guy. Because I have no clue who's sitting here tonight. Somebody might have brought their mother to a meeting. This is open, I believe. Somebody might have brought their mother here. Somebody might have a child that's within earshot. I would never use this podium as a place to humiliate or embarrass somebody who had ventured into our environment. I'll give you an example. One of many that I can give. I was out in your state, Scott. Wasn't close to where you live, but in Tennessee. And I was speaking at a little conference. And the fellow who spoke Saturday night thought he was supposed to be a stand-up comedian. And he wasn't funny. I mean, the guy was not funny. And poor soul was, you know how it is when you're going down the tube, you paddle harder. You know, you have to, oh, geez, got to come out. And so the more he went down the tube, the harder he tried. And then the more gross and the more vulgar and the more obscene that he got, you know, trying to pull it out. And finally, about an hour and a half, he gave up. And I was sitting right behind the lady who was the program chair. She's the one who invited all the speakers. And I'm kind of watching her squirm. And she had a guy sitting beside her that I assumed was her husband. And he was an introvert. He was an interesting man. His neck looked like a thermometer. But you could just see the red going up. And I tell you, that old boy's ears were glowing. And I said, I don't think he likes that much. And so after, the guy finally gave up. Thank God. And so he finally gave up. And so I was milling around. And I saw the gal that was the program chair. And I said, I don't believe you. Your buddy enjoyed the meeting too much tonight. And she said, my God, Tom, you'll never know how humiliated I am. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. That was not her husband. That was her minister at his first meeting of AA to find out if this would be a good place to send lost souls. I'll guarantee you, it was his last meeting of AA. And he wouldn't have sent anybody there. He would have sent somebody. He would have sent somebody. He would have sent somebody. He would have sent somebody. He would have sent somebody. He would have sent somebody to hell before he had sent them to AA. See what I'm talking about? Autonomy doesn't give me that kind of license. Autonomy gives me responsibility that I don't have the right to impose my values or lack thereof on other people. I've got a responsibility. Darryl may get run out of Vegas if I come in here and make a fool out of myself tonight. Don't come to North Carolina. You're too quick for us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But that's, to me, is an important thing for unity. And dealing with those things that, I gave one of those quick examples, I think, but sometimes it's very sensitive kind of stuff, that we had a guy come in our group. I didn't really know what Tourette's was, Tourette's syndrome. I'd heard of it, but I'd never seen it really up close and personal. We had a guy come in our group, and he had a pretty bad case, I guess, because he would, during the meeting, he would sit about where Sandy is, right in front of the podium. And what he did was uncontrollable. I watched him when he would do it, and that guy was in anguish trying to keep from doing what he had to do. And so he would let out these anguished yowls, you know, and sometimes we'd forget to tell the speaker. And it's a little disconcerting when somebody goes into one of those things, right in the mouth. And, well, what do you do? I mean, you go throw the guy out of A&A because he's got, it's a sensitive situation. And so we did a little group conscience on that. You know, some things call for more than just a huddle. They call for a group conscience, and that's prayerful consideration of an issue that jeopardizes our primary purpose. And so we did that, and it was a real problem. And what we decided to do was to get him to sit. We decided to sit unobtrusively in another part of the room, and I think we could have pulled it off. And they asked me and another fellow to be, naturally, since we were the ones who brought it up, that me and another fellow to be the ones to talk with him. And I don't know if God's just generous or what. He sure is with me. But the guy moved next week, and we never had to say anything. But, see, sometimes those things, now, we would have done it, but we would have done it as lovingly as we were capable of doing. Right? And so sometimes, if you're interested in unity, it's more than just getting together and singing kumbaya. You know, sometimes you've got to deal with the issues that trouble us. And you either deal with them or you ignore them. They're either important or they're not. And so, a whole bunch. And then the fifth one, and then I'm going to quit on that. No, I'll do one more after that. The fifth one is really the place that's the rallying point of all of our colleagues. It's almost every group has. But one primary purpose, including this group, including the International Convention, including every time we meet, it only has one primary purpose, and that's to carry this message to the alcoholic who still suffers. We may do it in a variety of different ways, but that's the purpose every time we meet, is to carry that message in some way, shape, or form. And it's the great rallying point. I, personally, have never seen a. Fight over the primary purpose. Never seen that. I've seen it over money, power, position, you name it, but never over primary purpose. That's the point where we come together without any question. Oh, and I'm going to share one little thing that a buddy here in the group tonight shared, we shared together. No, I'm not even going to go there. I'm going to skip that. That's, it takes too long to tell it. And I've got a lot of other stuff I want to tell you. But anyway, I think you get the point that, you know, when it comes to unity, those traditions are such powerful, powerful instruments for giving the guidance and direction for dealing with really knotty problems, and enormously, enormously helpful. And so, like I said, I've used, I not only have, I do, I use those things in every aspect of my life. And I'll give you one, I will give one other example, just to be clear. I'll give you one other example, just about there to bring it into a little more generic thing in life. A couple years ago, two or three years ago, something like that, far enough back that I can't remember. We, I was fed up with what we did at Christmas. I mean, I didn't mind eating turkey and candy and old fruitcake and stuff. I mean, I could put up with that. But I didn't like what we did. We, at my home. We made a sort of a spending orgy out of Christmas. And we would just burden everybody down with dumb gifts that nobody wanted. I thought they did, but I didn't. And so I just didn't like it. And one day, and our families used to talk in tradition. We do that every once in a while. And so I said, let's have a little talk. Only four of us, you know, two kids and two old folks. And so we sat down in a hotel. We sat down in a hotel room somewhere and started talking. Would you believe that out of four people in a family, all four despised what we were doing? Despised it. But we were caught up in that. And what we'd done was letting that financial thing become the driving force as a replacement for love. And we're trying to bribe each other into some sort of feeling of love. And everybody hated it. I thought my wife was the primary cheerleader. She despised it. And so we made a group conscience decision that we wouldn't do that anymore. And what we did, put a $50 limit on gifts. Any gift could be over $50. And now we adopt a family. And that's in the spirit of Christmas. And what a difference that makes, eh? And so what we were doing, we were caught up in things like the sixth tradition, where money, property. And prestige. Divert us from our spiritual aim. That's not just about buildings. That's about the relationships with people. And about my relationship with stuff. And so, unity. Anyway, unity is built into everything in that thing. And so, there's just a whole bunch in this whole business of unity. But let me get into the, I guess I need permission. I'm going to do it anyway. I'll get into it. I'll get into it. I'm going to do the service stuff. I heard it loud and clear in all of the presenters last night and today. Sometimes I have the disturbing feeling that we get so caught up in our romancing of the steps that it's almost like a tender trap, where we get so caught up in working on ourselves that we make a life's work of it. Rather than a life's work. Rather than a life's work. Rather than moving that into real, real movement into life. And so that this program starts to happen. I'll tell you what my basic belief is. Doesn't make it right, but it's mine. Is I believe, and it may be selective reading, but I believe it anyway. That as we go through the steps, there comes a place and the guy, everybody's hit at it a little bit. And it's the first time I've heard it dealt with so across the board. With this notion that the cadence of the march has to change a little bit if we follow the dictates of the program. And my belief is this. That, oh, you know, you can size it up a lot of different ways. I think the first three steps are basically what my buddy Clancy said. It's basically a foundation for springing a program of recovery. So a good, solid foundation. I know many people who have done no more than that and died sober. Good thing about AA is that there is no passing point where if you don't get that, you fail. Here, you stop at whatever you're willing to settle for. I know people who've done no steps who died sober. I knew a guy in Raleigh whose claim to fame was that he'd never read the big book. He would greet newcomers. And, you know, instead of saying, Here's the coffee pot, he'd say, You know, I never have read that book. And he looked like he'd never read the book. I don't know if he drove anybody off or not. But, I mean, he's free to do that. You know, there is no pass-fail thing here that, you know, it shows up if we fail. But there's no real thing that says you've got to go. So the first three are basically a foundation. The next four, which the guys dealt with so well today, with four through seven, basically deal with causes and conditions. Those things that disable me in my function in life. Those things that give me that mind that'll turn irresistibly to the thought of a drink. That thing that makes me restless, irritable, and discontent. And I think it's caught up in those causes and conditions that come in the inventory, and then that huge decision stuff of six and seven when we start to do something about it. Then in eight and nine, it's still basically a selfish action. We do amends primarily to get off our side of the street, but it does start to get us in relationship with folks to whom we've done damage in a lot of it. So it does start to move us in the direction. And then I think there's a very clear point of demarcation that comes right after the promises. And when you get through the promises, and there are astounding things to say, that will start to happen before you're halfway through. And then once you get through that, really interesting to me what happens when we move into step ten. And I won't, if you were here last year, you know that that's one that I have a little fervor about, so I won't go at it full barrel. I don't think, no I won't. But I think there's an important thing that happens in step ten. And if you read it off the wall, if you just, you know, read it off the wall, that we continue to take personal inventory and when we're wrong, probably admit it. Well, that's pretty clearly inventory. But if you look at it in the text in the book, it goes beyond that. Certainly it deals with that. But there are a couple of things in there that give me great pause in terms of seeing the transition that I think is sort of a product of ten, eleven, and twelve. Where, you know, it's a strange thing when we deal with a self-centered condition by intense focus on ourselves. That seems to be a contradiction in terms. And so that's what we do up to this point is intensity focus on ourselves. And then in ten, everything from ten forward has a focus on others. Everything. And so, you know, what it says is of course we continue to take personal inventory. Of course we continue to take out the things that we goof up on. What we're restored to is human. We don't transcend life. We just get restored to being human beings. And like any other, we're going to have good days, bad days. We're going to goof up. But the real spirit of the book, to me, is that we don't go into Freudian analysis just because we goof. I mean, that's just life. And we don't need to do some extensive inventory unless we're really bogged down in something. It says so many words that I can't see that when we goof and when we let these sort of defects get out of whack, we deal with it at once. We discuss it with somebody. We take care of business. We apologize. We do whatever we need to do. And then what? And then we immediately turn our attention to someone we can help. And so the whole tempo starts to change from this excruciating examination of myself and a course of action to deal with it as occurred forth. This is about real quick hitting, quick hitting. Take care of business and move on with life. And so it starts with that. There's a little term in there that has come to mean a great deal to me. Somebody turned it over. There's a little line in there that has really impacted my thinking, that it says what we've entered the world of the spirit now. When we get through it, we've entered the world of the spirit. Our function now is to grow in understanding and effectiveness, to grow in understanding and effectiveness. I don't think that means more focused inventory. I think it means in understanding the things around me where I do my work so that I can do it better. I'll give you an example of that. For a long time, I, like many people, have been troubled with the revolving door of Alcoholics Anonymous. I swear to God, it looked to me like for a while that we were having more people come in the door than ever and even more going out. I mean, it looked like just a musical chairs thing of coming in and out. I mean, it looked like just a musical chairs thing of coming in and out. I mean, it looked like just a musical chairs thing of coming in and out. And that troubles me, that when people come in here and get exposed, that they're not able to grab enough to get ahold. And I'm not worried about that, folks. I still do. But I got to thinking, what on earth can I do about that? I started looking for stuff to do. And I've done stuff taking people through the steps about ever since I've been in AA. And I've done it Marine Corps style, do it in three months, do it every way you can think. I've done it. They all work. There's nothing that won't work. It'll work for somebody. Nor is there anything that'll work for everybody. But it'll all do something. But I never had found anything that really felt like I could put my teeth in. And then I stumbled into something where a guy was doing some work taking folk through the book, intensive work in the book. And we were somewhere at a conference, and he was telling me about it. And I'm a pretty visual person. I said, show me what you're talking about. And we grabbed a few folks and sat them down in a hall in some chairs. And he said, here's what we do. And he opened up the book and said, started reading. And then he said, how do you identify or relate with that? Now, those were good questions, not what do you think or what's your opinion or what's your . . . How do you identify or relate? And the minute he said it, I saw what he was getting at. And so that made sense. I'd never seen anything like that done, but I thought, my God, it's not rocket science. All you're doing is reading the book, and he threw things in mine. So I got a bunch of stout-hearted alcoholics that were hungry for something and did the first one that I've ever done. And a strange thing happened. And what I'm talking about is understanding and effective. It's not enough for me to demonize the person that comes in the door and say, well, he wasn't sincere. He didn't mean it. He's fresh meat when he comes in that door. It's my job to grab that sucker if I can get him. And so that's what I want to do. I want to understand how to do that more effectively. I had one come in a group a while back. Well, he made an attempt to come in, and I just happened to see him. I don't know if he knew me or not, but I saw him come in the door, so I made a beeline for him. I headed for that boy. He's mine. He was a bad-looking drunk. And the guy bolted out the door. Well, I wasn't going to let him get away, so I went out after him. And I swear to God, it looked like the Keystone Cops. I'm out here chasing this fool. Well, one fool was chasing another fool around the bushes and all that, and he got away. That sucker got away. I got him later. But I think there's something. If he shows himself in here, that dude's ready for something, whether he knows it or not. So I don't like to just demonize folks. I want to be sure. Instead of wasting time demonizing or analyzing that person, I want to be sure. I want to be sure that I and anything that I can have any influence on gives that guy the best possible shot at recovery. And so that's what I did. I grabbed on to that thing. I took 15 people through the book. It took forever. God, that's a laborious process. And an amazing thing happened. When we got through, I'll tell you one miraculous thing. The first night, I didn't know who was coming. I didn't care. I didn't scream to anybody. Just 15 stout-hearted souls. Got a few people I sponsored and said, bring anybody you want to. And somebody brought in a gal that I swear I just didn't like. I mean, I flat didn't like her. She was a really, really arrogant, intellectual, atheist gal. And I thought, oh, my God. When she came in that door, I said, man, I'm going to be fighting for the next year with this gal. And I thought, oh, boy, debating society. But, I mean, what are you going to do? It was an open door. She came in. So she sat down. And for the first little while, she did about what I expected. Yeah, she would have a little quip about everything, you know. But I started watching. Yeah, I love doing that kind of stuff in a group. If I had the luxury of time, I would not do it individually. I would do it in a group. Because the group gives an extra dimension of strength. And the group becomes a resource. And I started to watch. You know, people will sort of find their element when they get in a group. They look around who you're sitting with. And they say, oh, my God. Look around who you're sitting with. And so she came in. And she sat down between two other aggravated cases. And so I'm watching them while they're going and doing their thing. And a funny thing happened. As we went along, I started to notice a bit of mellowing. And I thought, isn't this something? So we got up to the third step prayer. And it wasn't any matter of chance. I planned it that way. I planned it so we would end that night on the third step prayer. And I said, all right, we're going to close out tonight and do the third step prayer. And I'll give you three options. You can either join hands with us and we'll do it. Or you can hold our hands while we do it. Or you can step back and watch us do it. I won't tell you exactly what she told me she said to herself. But it was not nice. A Boston grad could do better than that. But she said, well, anyway, she just said something ugly about stuff. And she stayed in the circle, did the third step prayer. And it was an absolute turn. It wasn't a burning bush, but it was a huge breakthrough. And that gal turned into the finest female member in my part of the state. She became my backup person. If I had to be away, she was my backup. Powerful, powerful thing. And that convinced me that when people are intensely involved in this program of recovery, there is barely room for relapse. There's barely room for failure. It's when we get loosey goosey with it that trouble comes. And so that, here it is. And I'm not a magic bullet guy. But of the people who have gone through the workshop, going through the book, doing the steps, not one single person has drunk. And that's going on for a long time. So it's not a magic bullet. But it just proves that if you can get intensely involved in this thing, there are things to do. And that's why I say I hope that you leave here tonight with some, or tomorrow, leave here with some passion to do something to make a difference. Because there are all kinds of ways to be of service. And that's just one of them. But there's a rich, rich load of work to be done in our group settings. In service, my God, there's a, it's a natural product that comes a little further on that step. It says, somebody mentioned this thing. And it reiterates it several times in the book. Of course we're working on ourselves. But our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and those about us. And that's our function. And as we do that, what we learn is this strange, enigmatic truth. That we get most out of this thing when we're doing our best to give it away. And we learn that truth that you cannot give away more than you get. And how true that is. And that whole world of service opens up. And I think everything from 10 on is about service. That whole thing of getting equipped to deal effectively with reaching out and starting to be an instrument in this battle for recovery. Recovery for alcoholics. A powerful kind of thing. And there's just a huge amount of stuff that we can do. I'll give you just a couple of things that maybe stimulate a little bit of thinking. So that if you do go home and you've got some real desire to do something, some stuff you can do. There was a, I was sitting, Bob reminded me of this. I was sitting, back when I was still working. I'm unemployed now. But when I was still working for a living, I was in a meeting one day in a community and I had done a little presentation in this little conference. It wasn't an AA thing. But there were some AA friends in there that I knew. They were in there. And so I'd finished it. And the last panel right behind me was a mental health type of deal. And the last fellow who spoke was a psychiatrist, from one of the institutions there in the local area. And I swear to God, that guy went to the mic and that was the most tired-looking, discouraged man I think I've ever seen. I mean, he just kind of drug up to the podium. And he started telling, with wonderful undertones, what he did. And so he got through it. He said, my worst thing to deal with is alcoholics who have a second diagnosis. He said, I know logically, I know that AA is the place to send them. He said, but for the life of me, I don't understand. It seems that when I send them, they come back worse than when they went. And he said, I need help. And he was a sincere man. This guy was not clowning. This was one deadly, earnest professional. And he said, I need help. Well, he didn't know who was in the audience, but I did. And I knew there were some AA guys in there from that community. And I'm from the other end of the state. And so I'm saying, somebody say something. Nobody did. It's kind of like voting for that treasurer. Somebody, that man wanted some help. And so I waited as long as I was willing to. And then I said, I stood up and I said, I'm sorry to be coming back at you. I just wanted to know what you're talking about. I just got through. But I understand what you're talking about. And I said, I wish I could tell you that everything that flies the AA flag was the same thing, that you could count on consistent quality. But that's just not right. Everything that flies the flag is not the same thing. There are meetings that I go to if I'm out of ignorance, but there are meetings I go to, and when I come out, I'm worse than when I went in. There are meetings that I come out and I feel like I need a meeting or a bath or something. And so I said, you got to understand that. And I said, I know you want help. But what I would suggest is not for you to make a big study of AA so you could do an assessment of where to send people, where not. I said, just get to know two or three people that you trust. And then when you've got somebody that's borderline schizoid or paranoid or scared to death or just barely hanging on, naturally there are meetings you don't want to send them. So call one of those people and tell them what you've got and let them tell you where they can go safely. And see, that's just a very responsible thing. We call that CPC. Now CPC is not making speeches at people. It's trying to form cooperative relationships. So here's a concerned professional trying to do something. And what he's talking to is totally unresponsive people in a community. And so I would just hang that out. If you know people who are dealing with alcoholics and they're frustrated or unsure about how to go, for God's sakes, go tell them how to do it. They don't teach that in medical school. My son's a physician. He learned more in three or four AA meetings than he did in all of his medical training. They don't teach it there. They don't teach it in social work school or the ministry or nursing. You get a little bit of just flickers of stuff. But if you think that's a valid problem, do something about it in your community. Talk to some professionals and ask them. That's something that can readily be something to be done about. And so they're just enormous, enormous opportunities to be of service. If you're not sensitive to it, you're sensitive to it. You know, the book spells it out very well. You know, if you're concerned about this stuff, get acquainted with some people, a doc, a minister, so forth. Get acquainted with them and take the initiative. I'll tell you what, in my view, what happened with us and I won't be quitting yet