The Two Dangers to the Fellowship Are Personalities Ahead of Principles and Complacency – John C.

Without anything further to do, I'd like you to welcome, once again, John C. from Brownwood, Texas.
Thank you very much, Howard.
I introduced myself once.
I guess that maybe some of you have just come in. I think most everybody else has left.
But my name is John Carlton, and I'm an alcoholic.
My sobriety dates October 28, 1951.
And I have maintained that period of time without the use of any alcohol or mood-changing women
or any other things that might interfere.
And in my belief in a power greater than myself, that I prefer to call God, as I understand Him,
and some effort upon my part of time, and I help folks just like you and some of you here.
Now, the usual question that's asked anybody that goes out
does any talking?
Is, uh...
When you do, do you use the same talk?
Do you have a manuscript?
Do you fellows say the same things everywhere you go?
Now, I assure you, I have no manuscript.
But I have a reason why that I don't write
any kind of book.
I don't write any kind of book.
I don't write any kind of book.
I don't write any kind of book.
down because sometimes you don't sound the same as when you write it. I
practiced law for 21 years. I know where I speak in that matter. But I come
from Maine originally. Now I don't want to mislead you. I've been in Texas for 31
years. But I still cannot get that lingo of over yonder. And I reckon so. I'm
fixing to leave. Y'all come. And I was out there 15 years before they got a pair
of big boots on me and a hat. And by gary, they have
a hat. And I was out there 15 years before they got a pair of big boots on
me and a hat. And by gary, they have a hat. And by gary, they have a hat. And by
gary, they have a hat. And by gary, they have a hat. And by gary, they have a hat.
And by gary, they have a hat. And by gary, they have a hat. And by gary, they haven't
gotten me on a horse yet. And they're not going to. So I'm a maniac by birth.
And up there, back there, we have some of these preachers that are pretty strong. Come
on, pretty strong. And one of these men was an old timer. And he was getting ready to retire. And he
I was preparing a young man to take over his church.
And he said to him,
Now Albert, your first sermon, if you have a mental block,
just pick up another passage of the Bible and go right on.
The congregation will notice it. Go right on.
But there's one thing I strongly urge you to do,
and that is to write down the activities.
For your week, your week that follows.
And he stressed it very strongly.
And the young man on his first Sunday
got along very beautifully with his sermon.
And he said, And now I would like to read to you the activities for the coming week.
And he picked up the paper and he said,
The women...
The women's club will meet on Monday.
And Sister Smith will sing a solo entitled,
Put Me in My Little Bed.
She'll be accompanied by her preacher.
On Tuesday, the little mother's club will meet.
And any of you ladies wishing to become little mothers,
meet your preacher in the study.
Now on Wednesday, services will be held at both ends of the church,
the north end and the south end.
And all of the little children will be baptized at both ends.
Oh, it's better on next Sunday.
A special collection will be taken up
to help defray the expenses on the new carpet.
Now any of you congregation wishing to do anything on the carpet,
please pick up your paper at the altar.
Now he says, We will close this meeting by all rising and singing little drops of water.
Now if one of you good sisters will stand and quietly start it,
we will all join in.
Well, that's why that I don't have anything written out.
I don't know.
But you know, anything that is good is subject to criticism.
And criticism sometimes is the lot of AA.
Churches are criticized.
Able men are criticized.
Medicine in general is criticized.
Anything that is good is criticized.
Galileo was nearly put to death for his views.
They said the Wright brothers never would fly,
that the air was reserved.
The birds.
And even Columbus was criticized.
I don't know anything about Columbus
other than what I stuttered as a young fellow in school as a kid.
And I don't know whether he was an alcoholic or not,
but by gary he had all the traits of one.
He didn't know where he was going when he left home.
He didn't know where he was when he got there.
When he got back, he didn't know where the hell he'd been
and a woman paid for the whole trip.
Now before I say anything this morning,
I don't know what they got me up here to talk for.
Starting with Beverly and then the two judges,
I don't know what they got me up here to talk for.
I don't know what they got me up here to talk for.
I don't know what they got me up here to talk for.
I don't know what they got me up here to talk for.
The man and his wife, my friend Cleve and Nell and Otto and then,
well, a lady that I've had the privilege of being on programs with
most of every part of the country, Louise,
they didn't leave too much for me to talk about.
I think about the only thing left is for Jimmy and his crew
to start sweeping up and we all go home.
Well, I would like to make a couple of observations now that I'm here.
That is that anything that I may say to you this morning is simply my own opinion.
I don't speak for Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole.
Nobody's qualified to do that.
I've heard in some parts of the country many of these guys get up behind there
and you'd think they'd written a book.
The only thing that I know, the only thing that I can tell you is that
whatever I say is what I've heard someone else say or what I've read
or if I've taken the time to study and then put in my own words.
And I'm only qualified to talk about one thing and that's me.
I'm not qualified to stand here this morning and say,
I'm not qualified to stand here this morning and be the judge, jury and executioner of a single one of you folks.
And because that I have 31 years and a couple of my friends with 34, 5,
I know that they, the same as I, are fully cognizant of the fact
that we are just exactly the same as those two that come up here
and got that book this morning with a few days.
We are exactly the same as they are in this respect.
We're simply that length of time and still like they, one drink away from a drunk.
And I hope to God that I never forget it either.
You know, when an occasion such as this gets together,
I don't think that everyone that is responsible,
for this meeting this morning or since Friday,
was all done by alcoholics.
I think that there was some of these gals and guys known as Al-Anons
cooperated in this thing.
And anywhere that I may go, as I always say,
I always pay my respects to the alcoholics.
Al-Anons, for nine years, I didn't, I wasn't interested in them.
I had no one that was interested in them either.
And as far as I was concerned, it was all right for you gals to come
and bring the coffee and sandwiches and get over there in the car
and sit down and keep quiet.
But I became interested in you after about nine years.
And I've come to learn to love and to respect you.
And I think that the best way that I could possibly do what I feel like this morning,
as far as you're concerned is in the words of our co-founder Bill Wilson,
who said to you at your first meeting in New York,
in conjunction with your Canadian brothers and sisters,
when you didn't have any money, you didn't have any money to go,
you didn't have any money to go to work, you didn't have any money to go to work,
you didn't have any money to go to work, you didn't have any money to go to work,
any idea whether you would ever get off the ground because you had met with a
lot of opposition from us guys. We didn't want anybody going to tear down our
dollhouse. We didn't know what you were going to do to us. And you didn't have
much cooperation from us at the beginning. But this is what Bill Wilson
said to you at that meeting. He said, Al-Anon is the biggest thing that has
happened in my opinion since AA was started. And the reason for your
phenomenal growth is due to your determination to fill that vast vacuum of
family relationship. And family relationship is the most important as we
all realize it is the most deformed. And I like to add these words of my own. I
always say,
I always say,
I always say,
blessed be the alcoholic who has a good Al-Anon mate to come home to because some of us were not
that fortunate. Now by these few kind words, I don't want any of you gals to think you've got
me snowed because you haven't. I know that some of you have used some pretty harsh language and
pretty harsh words, some pretty harsh actions too, trying to get that blubberhead straight.
But I'd like to tell you a true story. It's as true as I stand behind this podium that involves two of my dear friends, or one has now passed away, God rest his soul, in Brownwood, Lance and Chris. Lance was at Vanderbilt University a couple of years before I was. He was an outstanding athlete. I didn't know him, however, until I moved to Brownwood.
He weighed about 220 pounds and he was built like an oak tree. And little Chris was a cute little thing, you know. She was about the size of Marilyn sitting down here, weighing about 95 pounds with a wet pea coat on, you know. And Lance got hooked on this booze. And every day, practically, that he'd come home from work, he'd come in half fractured. Oh, completely so. And little
Chris was a cute little thing, you know. She was about the size of Marilyn sitting down here, weighing about 95 pounds with a wet pea coat on, you know. And Lance got hooked on this booze. And every day, practically, that he'd come home from work, he'd come in half fractured. Oh, completely so. And little
Christine was getting about
to the end of the line
she wasn't going to put up
with it any longer
and the spat started in the
kitchen, continued into
the living room
and she's given it to Lance
in pretty good shape
and Lance decides
that he's taken all of the
abuse that he's going to
and he decides
to commit suicide
so without saying
anything to Chris
he goes in the bathroom
fills the tub with water and turns the gas on
little Chris
gets curious of course
and she goes to the bathroom door
wraps on the door, tries it
locked, she says
Lance what are you doing
in here?
and Lance says I'm committing suicide
I got the gas
turned on
she says well
put some towels around
the bottom of the door
it's making the cats sick
you know Herbert Spencer once said
there was a certain principle
which was a bar to all information
and proof against any argument
that may leave a person
in everlasting ignorance
and that principle is
contempt before investigation
and you're looking at one of those
individuals
now I could stand here
and talk to you
for a time
it's allotted to me
and talk to you
as a professional athlete
or a former professional athlete
rather
or as a trial lawyer
of 21 years experience
I don't know how in the hell
so many of these drunken lawyers got in here
they talk about painters
I've met more drunken lawyers around here
than painters
or I could talk to you
some of my experiences
in the United States Marine Corps
in World War II
not the Spanish American
World War II
or I could talk to you
as a present day businessman
but that's not what I'm here for
this morning
I want you to look at me
as just plain John Carlton
another drunk that found a way
to stay sober
through the teachings
and the philosophy
of this fellowship
I heard one of the boys say
one of them
during the program
about scoffing
you heard he came to scoff
but remained to pray
I wanted no part of Alcoholics Anonymous
and I wanted no part of anybody in it either
now I've heard these people say
well
I started drinking at the age of 10 or 12 or 15
and I got drunk from the first drink I ever took
and I all this
not me
I never took a drink of booze in my life
I never smoked tea
I never smoked anything
any type of tobacco
and never drank tea or coffee
until I was 26 years of age
I trained all my life
and the last five and a half years of my career
was spent as a professional fighter
some of my friends think I stayed in there a little too long as it was
but that's the way that I had to earn my education
now you know
sometimes
when you get a degree or two behind your name
you think that you are
a little spirited
you think that you are superior to people
and unfortunately
or unfortunately
I have two degrees
so I couldn't come among folks like you
I couldn't come among folks like you
because I was too intelligent
now I'm gonna
if there's any of you intellectual gorillas sitting out there today
I want to remind you of this
I heard somebody say when they were talking about degrees
that they've got a lot of more degrees on those thermometers in your hospital up here at Grant Pass
than we'll ever have
and you know why they stick those thermometers sometimes
well that's what you can do with those degrees
if you think those degrees are going to help you
any more than anyone who's never
even been graduated from grammar school
because our program is written in plain cowboys language
and it's not written
for these highly scientific and intelligent men and women
they're written for the benefit of everybody
and there's a hundred and sixty four pages in there
that tells us the way in which we never have to drink again
but if you haven't got interest enough to read it
the hell with it
I'm not going to read them to you
now
this you do yourself
intelligence is a great asset
provided that you have some humility to go with it
and that partnership can never fail to be successful
provided that you keep humility first
ego was one of my greatest drawbacks
I had held many positions of trust
and so my ego
began to drip off me
and I finally came to the point where
I finally came to the full realization of the proper definition of egotism
after I came among you people
and the best definition of egotism
is that it's the best anesthetic
to help lessen the pain of stupidity
I asked, I complained that roses had thorns
instead of being grateful that thorns had roses
I knew that I was drinking too much booze too often
and I knew what the results were going to be
if I kept at it
just exactly
the same as you
who are alcoholics knew
I've heard these people say
oh yes when I came in after I came into AA
why all of my troubles
were lifted from myself
my shoulders
that's good, good luck to you
but that wasn't my case
now
as I say I wanted no part of you
and I wanted no part of anyone in it either
and I remember as a senior member of my law firm
picking up the story of Jack Alexander
that was in the Saturday Evening Post in 1941
but he wasn't talking about me
he was talking about the fellows
that were sleeping down on the docks
the guys in the mission houses
the fellows in the Salvation Army spots
and the fellows that were riding the freight
he wasn't talking about the senior member of a law firm
he wasn't talking about a young lawyer
who had held many positions of trust
including being a special assistant
to the United States Attorney General
in the Criminal Division of the Department of Justice
and he wasn't talking about a former personal political representative
of one of our vice presidents the last two years
that he was in Washington
he was talking about those fellows that I have already mentioned
and I tossed the magazine one side
and I went on drinking for ten more years
and I'm not proud to stand here in Grants Pass today
and tell you ladies and gentlemen
that I traveled for six and a half years
under an assumed name
nobody knew where I was
and I sought succor and maintenance
from exactly those same places
that Alexander wrote about in his story
I know what it is to come to a little town like Grants Pass
on a stormy night and ask
if I could sleep in the jail
I know what it is to seek succor and maintenance
from the Salvation Army
and the mission houses
you bet
and I hope to God that I never forget that either
when I came to you people
I came to you people devoid of all faith
devoid of all confidence
and devoid of all hope
people have said to me
John you're getting old
why do you keep traveling so much
now I'm not one of these so-called circuit riders
I call them reciprocity boys
you know
you ask me
you get me over to your place
and I'll get you back to mine
and they've said to me
why at your age
you keep going
you know you're getting old
well
now I just look at life like this
living a certain number of years
you don't grow old
it may wrinkle your skin
but when you lose that enthusiasm
and desert your ideals
is when it starts to wrinkle your soul
and you folks
call it what you will
I don't care
but through the God of my understanding
and the only way that I understand it is
that by working through people such as you
you have restored to me
my faith and my confidence and my hope
and so long as those wires stay intact to my heart
I will never
grow old as long as I continue
to try to carry the message
to another sick alcoholic
the foundation stone of our program
is the giving of ourselves to the service of others
but if and when and God forbid
if those wires ever come down
and they come down as between you and me
and my heart becomes covered with the snows of criticism
or the ice of cynicism
then and only then
will I grow old
and may God rest my soul
that's what you folks have given to me
so why shouldn't I come here to Grants Pass
a place that I've learned to love in three years
and all the boys know how I feel
why shouldn't I come here if I'm asked
before I came up here
before I left the motel this morning
as I always do before I ever walk into any group
large or small
I ask God to give me
the power to say something
that might help one person here today
who is suffering from the same illness that I am
an illness and the only illness on the face of this earth
where the patient is blamed
when the treatment fails
oh yeah
I was forced to stand on the curb stone of life
and watch the throng pass me by
during some of the most lucrative and productive years
of my career
because of one thing
I refused to listen
I knew it all
just because I sat in the Mayflower Hotel
that my sweet gal Louise
excuse me dear I couldn't think of your name
I've only known you twenty years
that in the Mayflower Hotel
with the secretary of war
two of the presidential advisors
and two of the leading politicians
in America
and I'm there
in the advisory capacity
to five New England governors
I knew it all
so what in the world
could a thing called
The Big Book or Alcoholics Anonymous
Christ I thought that A.A. stood for
Akron Acrobat
so I don't know
and I refused to listen
and as a result of it
you know how I wound up
now I'm not going into any morbid details
in my drinking
you've gone through
you've suffered all the morbidity
you don't need that at all
so don't expect any
any morbid details of my drinking
or any Howard Cosell description of
my drinking bouts
because we'd be here till next week
if you started that
I never was so disgusted in my life
I was coming back from
Tucson, Arizona to
Phoenix
it's about 11 o'clock at night
and I've got the radio on the car
and I hear someone say
one of these educated nuts
well there's been a great discovery made
well I'm all ears
relative to alcoholism
we have determined
that the American Indian
body chemistry
is no different
than that of the white man
my God almighty
I never heard of an American Indian
busting up three automobiles
in one day
this guy with the two degrees did
I never heard of an American Indian
going falling out the second story window of a hotel
and if it had been 30 stories
they'd have said I'd committed suicide
I never heard of an American Indian
writing an acceptance speech
for a very prominent
nationally known politician
and I'm supposed to have lunch with her
and to meet her in the lobby of the hotel
with a party including a governor
and a couple of congressmen
I joined them
from the time that I finished
getting this material ready
and listening to her
I wanted to listen to her
of course
if she got it right
and then I went down
two doors
and some pals of mine
are in there with booze
and it's about an hour
or an hour and a half
before lunch time
I joined them at lunch
there was a flight of stairs
and I come right down
the flight of stairs
only I come down like a big black bear
and struck right at the bottom
I never heard of an American Indian
insulting people like that
all up
now
what now they've discovered
jeez
those kind of things
is what riled me
I, I
you know
talk about tolerance
now you're going to look at me
and you're going to say
well
I can see that he has a temper
my lord
after 31 years
is that all the tolerance he's got
well if you're
if you're a man
you think that
you're a hundred percent right
I like a Chihuahua dog
so long as he acts like one
and when he acts like a bulldog
to hell with him
I don't have to put up with him
and I'm not going to
oh
I should take a lesson from that
the people these
a couple of
some thrifty people out here
short ways from
from Grant's Pass
they tell me
they have their only daughter
to point out
I could take a lesson
from that father and mother
on tolerance
and they
they
hadn't
had the benefit
of a formal education
and they decided
that their only daughter
she was a beautiful thing
was going to have the best
that they could possibly
afford
and they selected
a fine finishing school
in the east
and
she went away
finishing school
and when she left
it was mama
and papa
and it was breakfast
dinner
and supper
at home
well
it came Christmas time
and
the little daughter
telephoned
to the folks
and asked permission
to go to Bermuda
with her roommate
and her roommate's father
and mother
well it
shook the old folks
a little
but it was
going to help her
her education was alright
she come home at easter
and she got there
just at noon time
her old dad
was coming in
from the stable
and
he gave his hands
a slicking of promise
under the faucet
and
he went over
to the table
and started
dishing out the meat
and potatoes
he had a piece
of apple pie
there
and
started him to eat
immediately
and he had finished
the apple pie
before the
little daughter
and mother
had finished
half way through
their meal
of course
talking
old dad looked at him
and he said
well
I might as well
go out
and finish
loading
that cart load
of manure
and with that
he pushed himself
away from the table
and out he went
now the little girl
from the finishing
school
says
now
it's
mama
not
mama
it's
mama
now
says
mama
we've got to do
something about
papa
and we must
do it
immediately
the way that he gave
his hands
a slick
and a promise
under that
faucet
was terrible
and the way
that he
served
lunch
but that
uncouth
remark
that he made
when he left
the table
mama
we must do
something
about it
and that
sweet mother
looked over
and she said
honey
let this
be your
first
lesson
in tolerance
it's taken
me
25 years
to get
the son of a
bitch
to say
manure
lullaby
this has
been
brought
to the
Проzelf
National
Association
of
Alcoholists
however
he
then
saw
him
an
Tony, that don't take a doctor or a priest,
some college professor to understand that.
This program is as simple as A, B, C.
Accept, begin, and continue.
And if you'll hold on to the God of your understanding
and the truth about yourself,
namely that you cannot take one drink
and hold on to your AA friends,
you're going to hold on to total abstinence.
And that's the name of this game.
I had the privilege of running into, or not running into,
I met Bill Dodson in St. Thomas Hospital,
and I'd only been in just a few, oh, two, three months.
And Bill Dodson was the fellow that Dr. Bob and Bill went to see
after they met at Henrietta Seibelings
on that June night.
And I wanted, Sister Ignatia introduced me to Bill.
I didn't know him, of course.
I'd heard of him.
My sponsor told me about him.
And I wanted to be smart.
And I was always one of those, you know.
And particularly if I had a couple of drinks aboard.
Thank God I wasn't drinking.
But when I'd get a couple of drinks aboard,
you know, I'd get a couple of drinks aboard.
You've seen those bums, you know.
The more they drink, the farther back they'd bend, you know.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, that's me.
So I understand I've been in AA now about two or three months,
not drinking.
But I'm still bending back when I'm going to impress somebody.
So I bent back.
I said, Bill, I haven't been in this deal long enough
to know what it's all about.
What is this AA?
What is this AA all about anyway?
Some more simplicity.
He said, John, did you ever stop to think what your life is?
And I said, no.
I guess I've been too busy.
A pair of shoes, I could step on a chew of gum
and tell you what flavor it was, you know.
I've been too busy.
So, he said, well, I'm going to tell you.
Your life, mine, and everybody else's.
And this is what I'm going to say to you.
This morning.
Our lives are made up of but four things.
And four things only, aside from the physical bones and muscles,
but what makes us tick are but four things.
Thoughts, acts, habits, and character.
And that's your life.
Mine, too.
And if you want to continue to think like a drunk,
you're going to act like one.
And if you act, continue to act like one,
your habits will follow your acts
and you're going to have the habits of a drunk.
Your character follows your habits
and you'll continue with the character of a drunk.
And that's your life.
Thoughts, acts, habits, and character.
And old Bill looked at me
and he said, Johnny, we can't do this for you.
But we can show you by living proof.
No theory, but by living proof
that you can once more.
And he said, I don't care a damn where you come from either.
I don't care about any social standing, high or low.
But we can show you in this fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous
a way that once more,
you can start to think like a useful and a decent person.
From your thoughts, you'll act.
From your acts, your habits are formed.
From your habits, your character is formed.
And once more, in this fellowship of the second chance,
Bill says, you can live the life of a useful and a decent person
if you want to.
You'll never have to drink again.
That made sense to me.
Simple.
Simple.
And when we once do that,
when we once accept and we begin and continue,
we then start to transfer this obsession to drink
to an obsession of staying sober.
And when we are staying sober,
we are enabled then to get up, stand up, and stay up
and become productive.
Now, I say nothing that is complicated about that at all.
Now, by now, I know you figure that I'm a realist
and I damn sure am.
I'm no theorist.
I couldn't care less if you was kicked in the head
by an angle worm when you were three years old.
No.
No.
Or you sit over there.
And you pretend now that you're a rose bush.
Yes.
I owned one of those spots one time.
Fifty percent of it.
And then I've heard this.
And I actually heard this in one of these swanky,
oh, I shouldn't say swanky,
in a very nice A.A. club.
One of those $180,000 deals, you know.
Spend more time playing rummy, for Christ's sakes,
than they do helping anybody in A.A.
But, you know,
I heard this guy say, he gets up at a meeting,
and he said, my name is so-and-so,
and I've been sober for ten years,
but I realize that I'll have a drinker.
I'll have a drinking problem until the day I die.
Now, I don't subscribe to that.
And it is my privilege.
This is just my opinion.
I'm not so naive to think that everybody out here this morning
is going to agree with me.
And that's your prerogative.
The same as it is mine to express my opinion,
as long as I remain within the perimeter
of the decency of our program.
I don't go in for risque situations.
I don't go into sex stories and a lot of smut
and any of that business.
And it tells us that we don't wish to enter
into anybody's sex conduct.
So I'm not going into any of that either.
You'll read the big book.
You'll see it says we don't wish to be the arbiter
of anybody's sex life.
So we'll just go, we'll just bypass that.
So you're not going to get any of that talk out of me.
But I, when I heard this guy say that he'll have a drink,
well, I know I'll have a drinking problem
until the day I die.
Now, if I ask you, will you add this for me too and two?
You're going to say, well, that's four.
Now, that's no problem.
If that's...
If that cup was full of booze
and it is sitting right there,
I know if I take a drink of that,
what the results are going to be...
At this point, please stop your machine
and turn your tape over.
Alcoholic, we know what the results are going to be.
If we drink it.
So if you know what the answer is to a proposition,
there is no problem as far as I'm concerned.
But our problem is, and every single one of us
sitting here today as arrested alcoholics
and everyone in this world,
our problem is how do we handle our sobriety?
That's our problem.
And if you've found a way to stay sober,
I say to you, don't you let anybody change it.
I don't care a damn who they are.
Keep this thing simple.
And then you'll hear them say, well, oh, don't go with him.
If you do, you'll get drunk.
Don't you go with her.
If you do, you'll get drunk.
That's like saying, which is the better?
Exhale or inhale?
Oh, yeah.
And you'll get to it.
It's surprising.
I don't know where it comes from.
Here's these water walkers, you know.
These Amen Carnivores.
They're all good.
I'm going to say to you newer members,
I'm going to give you a little advice this morning.
You can take it or leave it.
Don't try to get too good too soon
because it's only six inches from my halo to a noose.
You can't get too good.
Geez, I'm not running for the Senate here.
Here's something else.
If you think you're coming in here and bless yourself
and that's all there is to it and stay sober,
no, that isn't going to do it.
But on the other hand, I didn't come in here to get saved.
there are members of the cloth that are far more qualified to do the saving
than I am or any of my pals
but I did come into this fellowship
as I say devoid of the things that I mentioned
hoping to God
that there'd be some way that I could change my lifestyle
that's what I come in this deal for
and when I come through the door
I don't care, I don't
I come through the doors of this group
or any other group
large or small
and I'm sober
and when I leave sober
where I go
what I do
and who I do it with
as long as I remain within the decency of this program
that's none of your business
and by the same token
where you go and what you do
and who you do it with
as long as you remain within the decency
don't hurt Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole
that's none of John Carlton's business either
and he's not going to stick his nose into it
it tells us that if you read in the big book
or in the traditions
that fifth tradition is explained
shoemaker stick to thy last
I have let you go
I have let you go
I have let you go
let the preachers preach
and the doctors preach
and the educators educate
but let us remain with what we do best
and that is trying to carry the message
to that still suffering alcoholic
that's in the fifth tradition
you look over
in the sixth tradition
you see where it's explained
that AA cannot be all things to all men
and neither should we try
this isn't a crusade
this isn't a crusade movement
of course not
but if that guy or that gal
comes through the door
of your group
and they tell you
that they are being bothered with alcohol
and that's all I know
because I'm a rum head
I'm not a junkie
and they tell you
that they're having trouble with alcohol
I don't care whether they think
this is a crusade
this is a lonely hearts club
whether they think
this is an employment agency
or whether they think
that they're coming in
to make a touch
like I did when I came in
if he or she tells you
that they've got
some alcoholic trouble
I beg of you this morning
right here in Grants Pass
for God's sake
extend that hand
of God
kindness
and consideration
that was extended to me
about 31 and a half years ago
that's one of our obligations
I hear these people
oh we don't have any obligations
the hell we don't
you know
I've often said
I always say
when I come to a place
I always
think
oh God
I'd love to come back
and see exactly
the same faces
that I'm looking at
this morning
and those that I looked at
last night
I thought of it last night
and this place is packed
but I know
that that's too much
to expect
because I know
that some of you might
go out and get drunk
and if you do
you might die
with your boots on
so I'll say goodbye
to you now
we often say
well
I believe
yes I believe
uh-huh
I have never known
anyone yet
who has had
a continuous
period of sobriety
that tries to
defy and believe
at the same time
defiance
is not
reliance
and if it was
necessary for
Jesus Christ
to say
by myself
I am nothing
my strength
comes from
my father in heaven
who am I
as I said earlier
to stand here
and be the judge
jury and executioner
of you
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
of Kostner
keep God
at the steering wheel
and stop using him
for a spare tire
and your chances
are much better
to make this deal
we often say
why does a person
after they've been
sober four or five years
go out and get drunk again
it's very simple
after they take the drink
they rebel against
good living
when they've already
failed at bad
they fail
they prefer that
as we sit here
this morning
in this God-given
canopy of AA
or as Bill Wilson
used to like to call it
the cathedral of the spirit
I wonder
and I couldn't help
but doing it
as I was watching
the crowds
the last couple of days
thinking what a
what a magnificent
thing that this is
you gals who stood
by your guy
when those
clouds were gathering
and when that terrible
storm broke
you still stayed
and you gals
and guys
who have gotten together
in AA
and tossed that sadness
behind you
and you now
stand up
and you now stand up
and sit in the sunshine
of this fellowship
yeah
I couldn't help
but think of it
you know
my dad was a contractor
when I was a little fella
and
matter of fact
if any of you folks
have ever
you know
you're quite sure
in Detroit, my dad and the Murphy brothers, Will and Sam Murphy built the
Panovska towers there and it's named for the county where dad and the Murphy boys
came from in Maine. And I can remember dad as he would talk about architects
and specifications and laborers and foundations for his building. And a few
24 hours ago I decided to build myself an imaginary AA building. And for my
building I've got the greatest architect that's humanly possible to obtain and my
God as I understand him.
The specifications for my building are the 12 steps and the 12 traditions of a deal called Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have no labor troubles I've got you folks hundreds and hundreds of thousands
of you. I can use more sand and water and less cement if I want to in that
foundation. I can use plastic instead of the good old-fashioned two-by-fours but
I can use plastic instead of the good old-fashioned two-by-fours but
I don't want that. I want my foundation to be strong enough and my building
rugged enough to withstand one of those twisters of tornadoes that might come
whistling against that building of mine in the form of one drink. There's one
thing that I do hope and pray for that I will never think that my building is
tall enough to put a roof over it.
Now you know it's easy to come here and enjoy ourselves and I wish we could keep this
thing going for another week. But we can't. AA is out there. This is the tip of the
iceberg in here. And there are dangerous ladies and gentlemen that hang over the walls.
They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing. They're just
pulling through. They don't know that this building is going to be big. They don't know
how to install the walls, no matter what they do. They don't know that it's going to be
big. They don't know that it's going to be hard. They don't know that it's going to be
over our fellowship. Louise and I, Otto and some of us have traveled in most all
sections of America and Canada. And I'm going to tell you that, and I know that
they will agree with me. They're better remote than they are. There are dangers
that hang over our beautiful fellowship. One is placing personalities ahead of AA
principles, and the other danger is complacency. Speaking of placing
principles,
ahead of personalities, ahead of AA principles. I was talking someplace, I
don't know where. I say when you get to be 60 years old, you spend most of your
time looking for a bathroom and trying to think of people's names. But I was
somewhere. They invited me there to talk, not to speak. That's another thing, these
people.
I don't buy the speaking business. I was invited there to talk, and this lady come waltzing
up. Very, very fine lady. Just before the thing started, she said, John, I hope tonight
you will mention something about placing personalities ahead of AA principles. They're having trouble
with it here. Now, I learned at an early stage of my legal career that when you have a lady
for a witness.
It's a pretty good idea to get her on and off that witness stand as gracefully and as
quickly as possible, because you never know what the hell they might say, you know.
So I'm given a yes ma'am and no ma'am, and I'm bowing, and just about that time this
gorgeous thing come down the side, and they have some friends they're keeping a couple
of chairs for her over here. And she comes down beautifully attired, and then she came
by. She looked up and smiled, and I smiled and bowed, and as she kept going, I give her
another look. Had a beautiful set of wheels on her. I'll never forget that. And evidently,
the old gal noticed me, and she said, John, do you know her? I said, no, I don't, but
she's very fine.
She said, no.
She's a very fine appearing young lady, isn't she? She says, John, her problem isn't alcohol.
Her problem is sex. Well, I said, I wish to hell that was my problem some time. And the
other danger, the other danger is complacency. Now, I'm not talking about the guys that stood
up there today, stood in here.
What is a ten, twenty, twenty, twenty years old place with a thirty-four or a thirty-five
or a thirty-one or a thirty-two or four, whatever years. No. I'm not talking about the guys
with fifteen, twenty years. No. I'm not talking about the guys with ten years. No. But I'm
talking about these guys, and I know where of I speak. Because it's happened to me. I'm
talking about these guys with a ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years. I said, But how
that when you knew them at one time
they couldn't buy a roll of colored toilet paper
but now they've got the wrinkles out of their belly
they've got their wife and their families back
they've got the mortgage paid off
and their business is going good
and you meet them on the street
and you say to them
and you say to them
and you say to them
and you say to them
listen Joe or Frank or Ed or Tom
listen Joe or Frank or Ed or Tom
and you say to them
look we've got some new ones down at the place
and we need some help down there
you haven't been around for four or five years
why don't you come down and give us a hand
and here's the shot they'll give you usually
well you know John
my gory
I'm pretty busy now you know
and sometimes I have to mow the lawn
and
and at night
and by the way Helen gave me a new recliner for my birthday
and you know it's just at that time
that the smoke stack
what the hell is that
gun smoke comes on
and you know
you know I
I appreciate everything today
it's done for me now
don't think I haven't
and I'm very grateful for it
look if you need anything down there
drop a couple of bucks in the
and as he's walking away again he repeats
well I'm grateful
I want you to know that
I appreciate everything that AA has done for me
well is that so
if their idea of gratitude
and their idea of gratefulness
is turning their backs on the guys and gals
that they've left behind them
and the guys and gals
and the gals that's still out there in the street
to hell with them
I don't care if they never come back
I won't miss them
you know sometimes
and I'm going to circle the field now and come in
you can be a sober blabbermouth just as easily as you can a drunken one you know
but you know sometimes we feel important you know
oh yeah
I got a call
and an invitation to come to
Scotland and to England last December
and I'm going to tell you all of a sudden that ego come
oh ho
and just as quickly as it came up it went right out
because I thought of those days that I told you about
but we do have a tendency sometimes to feel we're fairly important
in this deal
well sometimes when you're feeling important
and sometimes when your ego's in bloom
and sometimes when you take it for granted that you're the most important one in this
room
and sometimes when you think by your going
we'll leave an unfillable hole
just follow these simple instructions
and see how it humbles your soul
and see how it humbles your soul
take a pail and fill it with water
put the hand on it up to the wrist
pull it out and the hole that it leaves there
is just a measure of how much you'll be missed
now you can splash all around at the entry
and stir up the water galore
but just wait for a minute
and it'll look quite the same as before
now the reason
or the moral
for this quaint story
is to do the best that you can
be proud of yourself
but remember
there's no indispensable man
how true that is
I would rather see a sermon
than hear one any day
and I'd rather that you walk with me
than merely tell the way
because the
I is quicker
and it's more willing
to walk with me
than the ear
and it's your example
that makes it mighty clear
now the best of preachers
are the men who live their creeds
for seeing good put in action
is what everybody needs
now I can do it
if you'll show me how it's done
for I can watch your hands in action
but your tongue too fast might run
now the lectures that you deliver
undoubtedly wide open
and true
but the lesson that I want to learn
is by always watching you
for I might not understand
that high advice you give
but there's no misunderstanding
the way you act
and live
you know
God acts in many mysterious ways
and I don't say this
I don't say this
in any
note of sadness
I say this
to point out
to anybody here today
that may
still have some doubt
the spirituality
of the program
I'll mention this
and I'll sit down
you know
when I was a great guy
to get even
I was always going to get even
until one of you folks
said to me
it happened to be
one of my sponsors
I have two of them
I said Johnny
we've been hearing you
mention you're always going to get even
you'll remember who hurt you
up there in New England
and you're going to get even
this fellow said
did you ever stop to think
if you want to get even
get even with somebody
that's been good to you
that's the way I'm going to do it
and I'm going to do it again
that's the way I'm going to do it
he took care of me
in a hurry
remember when we point our finger
at somebody
there's always three
pointing back at us
always remember
you know
I was married
and I married
the daughter
of the vice president
of the
principal power company
in
New England
beautiful mother
and a beautiful
wife
knew nothing about alcohol
knew nothing about alcoholism
she could drink it
and go on about her business
and on the 13th day of October
when I had just come back
from off the road
that I was telling you about
I stood in the very same car
courtroom where I had tried many and many a major case
where I once stood with respectability and with dignity
as Louise always speaks about
I stood in the very same courtroom
with my neck open needing a shave
and I'm shaking because
not from fear
I didn't want to drink a wine that morning
I'd long been relegated from the country clever
and the very same court room
and the very same court room
and the very same court room
and the bourbon set
and I'm shaking
and I asked an acquaintance of mine if he would try
or ask the court if he would entertain the idea of me having custody
of my little boy
who was about a year or two old then
and he looked at me
and he said no
he is neither mentally nor physically capable of doing anything
nor physically capable of having custody of his son thirty minutes
to say anything of thirty days
that was on the thirteenth day of October
and so I walked again
I came into A.A. on the twenty-eighth day of October
as I told you
true alcoholic fashion you know
weightlifting it's all over
for fifteen years
and don't you let me
hear any of you guys that think that you are too old to do that
and don't you let me hear any of you guys that think that you are too old to do that
and don't you let me hear any of you guys that think that you are too old to do that
try to
say that
you don't have to be a baby to cry
because this ex-fighter for about five and a half years experience this ex-Marine
many a night I walked and I cried
I wanted to go home
but I couldn't
this guy was at two degrees
Vanderbilt University, Boston University School of Law and two years in the Harvard Graduate School.
I was on the coaching staff there and I intended to be a coach instead of a lawyer.
I wanted to be at first because I believed then as I believe now it's much easier to build boys than it is to mend men.
That's why I love to see these young people in here.
I got sober and I'm sober three years and I would go home to visit.
And I began to get some breaks in the law, in the oil business.
Don't get many now though, but did then.
And I'd go home every year, every other year anyway to visit Polly and Johnny.
And the fifteenth year that I'd go home,
we're walking toward the ocean.
We had our own home in Augusta and a summer home in Belfast.
You know, it's an odd thing.
When something happens, you know, that community property law,
and I don't know why, but that community property law,
he leaves the community and she gets the property, but that's not it.
But anyway, we're down at the college and we're walking toward the ocean.
And we're walking toward the ocean.
And for the first time in fifteen years, she put her arm around my back.
And I immediately put mine around hers.
We walked a few steps and we stopped.
And she said,
John, would you promise me something?
And I said, of course, certainly.
What is it?
She said, if anything should happen to me,
will you take care of Johnny?
And I said, why sure, of course.
I didn't know Polly was dying.
The next day I came back to Brownwood and a couple days later the phone rang
and it was Johnny who was a magnificent swimmer,
missed the Olympic team that went to Mexico City by a scantless margin.
And he was a senior in high school.
And he taught swimming back there in Maine.
The phone rang.
And I answered it and it was Johnny.
I said, how come?
He said, well, I'm getting ready to go to college, Dad, you know.
I said, yeah, we talked about it.
Have you made up your mind where you're going?
He had a number of scholarships.
He said, no, not yet.
He said, I'd like to come out near you.
To the man who hadn't been a father for 15 years.
The next day I'm on that jet and I'm going back again.
A hell of a lot different style.
I'd go back and forth then as when I come out in that panel truck
sitting on an orange crate for a seat.
I went back and we drove back together.
And I watched Johnny graduate.
I was very proud of him.
He's very successful now in the insurance business in Arlington, Texas.
Threw nothing that I ever did.
He gives me a hell of a lot more credit than what I really deserve.
I know it.
But he, his second year that he was in college,
he went back to Maine and we're drilling in Holbrook, Arizona.
And I want to point out to you how God acts in many mysterious ways.
That's why that I'm such a believer in prayer today.
Now we were, had our trailer parked between Twin Buttes
on account of the weather.
And we could hardly reach Holbrook.
14 miles away.
On a mobile phone.
This particular day,
my partner said,
well, let's go in.
It's about two o'clock in the afternoon.
Never left a lease in my life in 26 years.
At that time of day.
Always stayed a little dark or maybe later.
And I said, all right.
And we go into the trailer.
We go in and just before I said,
well, why not leave the horn on?
Maybe that thing will come in out there.
And we laughed, you know.
I'm not in that trailer.
Two or three minutes in the form of the horn began to honk
and I went out and answered it.
And I tell you today,
as this is as true as I stand behind this podium.
It was my son, Johnny, 3200 miles away in Belfast, Maine.
I could hear him as clearly as you can hear me now.
Bear in mind, we had trouble getting 14 miles.
Here is 3200 miles.
And as clearly as I'm talking to you.
He said, Dad, mother passed away this noon.
Would you please come home?
And it was you folks.
You folks, members of Alcoholics Anonymous,
who made it possible for me to return to my native city
in my native state
and stand beside my son
at the graveside of his mother
once more a useful and a decent person.
My God, why shouldn't I come among you?
And you still.
Continue to help me.
I'm a great believer in prayer.
And I've heard many, many prayers.
But the prayer that is so apropos to me
was given to me by a full-blooded little Navajo fella
up on the Indian Reservation in Arizona.
His name was Tommy Dwyer.
And we're talking about spirituality of the program.
And Tommy said, you may not believe this, John,
but many of our braves are highly spiritual.
And he said, my grandfather handed us a prayer.
And you might be able to use it in AA.
This was in 1956.
It appeared in the grapevine years later
over someone else's name.
And I met this individual and asked if he wrote it.
And Chief Judge said, no, he never even heard of it.
But it was so apropos to me.
I don't know about you, but it was so apropos to me,
I asked Tommy if I could have it.
And he said, sure, of course.
And I wrote it down.
And it goes like so.
O Great Spirit, I hear your voice in the winds
that breathes life into all the world.
Hear me.
I'm small and I'm weak.
I need your strength and your wisdom
that you have hidden under every leaf and stone.
Let me always walk with beauty
and my eyes ever behold
the red and purple sunset.
Make me wise, so I will know
what you have told my people.
And make my hands always respect
the things that you have made.
And my ears sharp,
so I will always hear your voice.
O Great Spirit,
I seek this strength and this wisdom
not to be greater
than my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy,
myself.
And when my days are ending
as the shadows leave the sunrise,
may my spirit stand straight
before your eyes
without shame.
And I know that when Dr. Bob and Bill
and Ebby Thatcher and the rest of the gang,
they look down upon us,
today,
from their Valhalla,
and I know they're there.
If we could hear Dr. Bob and Bill,
they'd be saying to Jack Jansen
and Jimmy Johnson
and all the rest
who's had anything to do
with this grand get-together.
We would hear them say to those folks
and to you folks
who have attended this thing.