The Traditions Are Locked In and Safe – Billy N.

I think the traditions are clear that it doesn't tell you that you can't do it in that situation. You know, I can't tell someone you're an alcoholic. You could tell whoever you want, as long as it fits within the guideline of press, radio, and film. Now, as far as the tapes, it's very interesting. The traditions were so important when the conference charter was passed that at that time, what they passed was was the traditions could not be changed unless with written approval of 75% of the AA groups registered worldwide. In other words, at that time, they changed it later for the steps. At that time the conference could have changed the steps but they had no authority over the traditions and if you could get 75% of the world's AA groups to agree on anything in writing then I would send you over to the Middle East in a heartbeat, you know? Because that's just never going to happen. So the traditions are pretty locked in safe. But it's funny that they know us so well that they did that. Otherwise, you know, we'd probably change them 80 million times since then. But since they're so hard to change, in service material and anonymity statements for public events, we have put a set of brackets after the 11th tradition. And in that set of packets, It's funny, it's almost like a chronological history of electronic inventions. First you see TV, VCRs, now it also adds all other electronic media including the internet because we keep inventing more ways. If you put your picture, you know, a lot of AA groups, some AA groups have a website site. Nothing says they can't. You put somebody's picture up there, it's public. You know, AA has some good guidelines on the internet. You know the VCR thing came when weddings when Betamax and VCRs first hit everyone wanted to tape their wedding. Then someone had the great idea, oh we can't get a circuit speaker to come? We could videotape a circuit speaker and they could just mail us a video. That's why when you go to a A tapers table at a convention, there's no like DVD section to see your perfect favorite speaker live and in color. For two reasons, you know, the conference decided one, it was a violation of anonymity and two, it would set too much of people up on a pedestal. So we have changed service material to fit today's world. The internet was a big challenge, a very big challenge and still today is. Any other questions? Yes, over there. When I walked in here tonight, it was really great to see you. I knew Billy back from New York City days in Chapter 5 and it's really, really an honor to sit here and watch you up there. I have to do this. I know I'm going to embarrass you, but really a powerful, powerful message and an honor to know you. With this anonymity thing, I think it's going to kind of highlight what the other gentleman spoke about too. I think there is a fine line. I know that truly for me, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, it is my personal and spiritual responsibility to carry this message to the best of my ability on a daily basis. places. But it's very clear, this is at the level and they wouldn't have said that and put it in writing of press, radio and films. We do have the power to save lives and that's kind of what I think my destiny was to be here and to be hear tonight is to try to carry that message. But it becomes a fine line and I think that some of the things that I've seen in groups, I never, I don't think probably once or twice since I've been around have actually came out and said, you know, I'm a recovering alcoholic. Everybody knows, you know, and I just think that for the groups out there, if you're working the 12 spiritual spiritual steps in your life, there's an attraction there that people will just find out about. That's it. Thanks. Yeah, I often think of like those AA spaceships that you see, and I use that term because that's how they were described to me. The car with about 15,000 AA-related bumper stickers, you know? And I often thank the state trooper who I heard speaking in a meeting who said that until he got sober, he thought that Easy Does It sticker was just a joke that people who speeded a lot put on their car. You know? He didn't know it until he came to AA. He just knew that he wrote a lot of speeding tickets to people with that sticker. So I often think about all those circles and triangles and all those things, it's great, but I don't drive well enough to have them on my car. That is for certain. To be a public example of the big book on Route 80, that's for certain I saw other questions all the way in the back I have one question what are your feelings or your thoughts on anonymity within Alcoholics Anonymous I go back to what Dr. Bob says that this is not a secret society in a closed meeting or a service setting I should feel free to use my last name Whether it's at a closed meeting, whether it's at a service event, that my last name is my last name. And if you needed to come see me in the hospital or anything else, you can't just look for Billy N. And I think Dr. Bob and Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, there's a lot of good information about us not being a secret society. Inside, we know each other. We protect ourselves from the outside of knowing that we belong here. We can personally let people know or not let. It's a personal decision. It's like when someone dies. Cersei passed away a couple of weeks ago. There is a general service conference advisory action on when an AA member dies in their obituary. And the obitiary is this, the ruling or the conference action is this. AA will never break a deceased member's anonymity. The family is free to handle it however they choose. So when it's in the paper and the family puts it in there, that's what the family wanted. But AA today still, if you call the General Service Office right now, you know those pictures of Bill and Bob? They won't sell them outside AA. They'll only sell them inside AA. And there's still lots of questions about that, about our co-founder's anonymity. Should we treat them just like everybody else? So I think inside AA we have to know each other. It's just imperative. Is there a hand here? Yeah, thanks for the comment. A number of years ago, I was approached by a fellow who's head of our PI committee in our district, and he asked myself and another member to come to a radio station and tell our stories. It was a college radio station that aired, I guess, at midnight or something like that. And we did it. and we didn't use our last names, did we break traditional leather? Not according to the service committee guidelines that are out there. The New York Intergroup and Southeast New York CPC Committee and PI Committee one Saturday night a month on ESPN Radio at midnight two recovering alcoholics in AA tell their story without giving out their last name. I do think when you're going into a public setting, a non-AA setting, is a guideline for speaking at non-AA events, going into a school, going and speaking to a bunch of doctors. You're not supposed to really tell your story. Your job is to put more of the focus on what AA is and less of the focused on what you are. So I think it fits within the tradition fine. That's my view and things I've been involved in. Hi, I'm Mike. I'm an alcoholic. About 25 years ago, I was looking for a job. I was in AA and I met this guy and he sent me to AT&T. He told me the first name and the last name of the guy to see to interview me, right? So I went in there and then he wanted to know who referred me. I only knew the guy's first name. It was Vinny. I said, it's Italian last name. He goes, do you know how many Italian Vinnies we have in this place? But they figured it out and it worked out all right. But that's another one of those things that, you know, like if you don't let some people know an AA, which your last name is, you know they could be hurt in an accident or something like that and they don't know it. But to me it's sheer personal disclosure. Thank you. The biggest misconception on that tradition tradition, is that we don't own the word alcoholic. You can call yourself an alcoholic at the level of press, radio and film. That's not the tradition violation. Because our book says we don�t have the corner on the market. Our book tells us that some people may find ways of sobriety in other ways. We have the corners of the market on identifying ourselves as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. That�s the traditions violation. That is like seeing of someone at the Oscars who doesn't say they're a member of AA, but thanks Bill W. Well, you tell me whether then I know how I feel about that. But we don't own the word alcoholic. It's the membership in AA that we're concerned about getting across there. Other questions? Oh, I don't know. I mean, here's a rule I've been taught. I got sober for the most part in New York City, which is a very, you walk all the time. You're not in a car. So it's like you run into people in AA every 10 feet. You know, 2nd Avenue, 3rd Avenue, Lexington, Broadway. I mean subway stations. The rule I was taught was this. If I meet someone else in AA, outside an AA meeting, and I've never met the person they're with, I'm always to conduct myself that that person is not a member until I find out they are. And I am not to give up the other person's anonymity. As far as some groups say that thing, what you hear here, let it stay here. We hear lots of that all the time. You know, a closed meeting is a closed meaning. People feel that there's some kind of... I will warn you to this, as far as the traditions go. What you say in an AA meeting is not like protected from the outside world. When I got sober, there was a gentleman about my age who got arrested for a crime he committed while he was drinking, a double murder. He wound up going to prison, obviously. people in his AA group were subpoenaed. They testified that the trial was on court TV. They blocked out their faces, the judge didn't let their last names go out. But I thought the response from GSO was very interesting as far as am I forced to testify against this person? Well, AA can't decide that, but a judge is going to tell you he doesn't care if you're a member of AA or the Boy Scouts. If you don't honor his subpoenas, you know, you're going to prison until you decide to talk. And I think what's interesting about that is what are we saying in AA meetings? Are we saying things that are appropriate or not appropriate? I mean, I've always been taught, you know there's a reason it says human being and not human beings. You know? One person. There's certain things that you take to one person. So some would say yes, it is gossip. Absolutely. But I would just point out the fact that you just have to be common sense sometimes is we have to really look for it in AA, myself included. It's not – my first thought is not usually common sense. It's some rash thought when I deal with things. AA has taught me to take five seconds maybe and I have what other people call common sense but I think we have have to be very careful about if we hear something in the A meeting and say it to someone else, what effect it could have if it gets back to that person. Because if you're going to tell me that a fragile newcomer with less than 30 days, that there's nothing any of us can say that might harm them, I don't believe that. I just don't believe it. I think that we have tobe very careful. Other questions? Vinny, did you have a question? He's going to a book too. Can you hear me? Can you hear me and listen my name is Vinny but I have an Irish last name. No. Bill, you were talking about the well obviously press radio on films. I have a PI chair for area 44. There is a manual you speak when you go speak you speak you say your first name and your last name, you don't say you're an alcoholic and there's ways around it. I've done schools and I've sat with doctors and lawyers and I've even sat with the press basically what the public information committee does is educate the people who don't know about Alcoholics Anonymous so in the manual for PI it does explain a lot of that yeah I have a question now I just was I'm ready it's Allison John because I shouldn't be telling you no I already know my opinion on this but I wanted to ask you you're an alcoholic I deal with a lot of I have a lot of friends who are alcoholics who are famous people okay and some of them have done documentaries okay on their alcoholism I have my opinion I was wondering or what your opinion is on that. You know, doing a documentary, going through your life of, you know, being an alcoholic. To break your anonymity, I may think you broke the traditions. But I still have to go back to what Bill said, that your right to do that is better than my right to be right. And that's a hard thing for someone like me to swallow. But if you're writing your life memoir and you're famous and you'RE a tragic alcoholic like me then not including that part would probably you'd have to leave most of your life out. So how do you explain to people that you went from this disaster to all of a sudden your life's okay? I don't know how to do that without one breaking one's anonymity. I know only the bad examples of what happens to people who do that. That's, you know, my experience. Other questions? Yes? Hi Mary. I am a newcomer, and I didn't have a chance to break my anonymity because the night that I went into rehab was also the night I was supposed to be at work. work. And the job that I have, there's only about 2,000 of us in the state and in probably six hours everybody in the whole state in my job knew I was in rehab as opposed to being and at work. So I didn't have a chance to choose whether or not I was going to be quiet about this or not. So that was the hard thing, is that not only did I have to admit what What was wrong with me, everybody knew before I had a chance to admit what was wrong with me or at least the people that didn't figure it out beforehand. And I think that's the hardest thing now is that hopefully in the next month or so I'll be going back to work, but everyone that I work with or I worked with or like from Englewood Cliffs down to the shore knows that I have this problem problem, and I work in the health care profession. And it's tough to be able to try to prove to them. You know, that I've been working pretty hard and hopefully, you know, I am them better. But it's scary for anyone that worked with me or worked for me, or hopefully you know, walking into their house saying that it's going to be okay now. And so I never had a chance to have any anonymity. Did I actually say that right this time? So I don't know what to do because there is no being quiet about it. There's no hiding from it because I never had a chance to hide from it because from the day that, you know, I went in, everyone knew about it and not just my family but like everybody I worked with and, you know, people that I knew. So I've been very honest with everyone, you know, and I joke about it because I joke about it, about everything all the time anyway, but it's hard to, I guess, to try and get back on track, and I don't know how to do that. You know, AA is one of those places where none of us come in here pretty quietly. There is the rare one of us that managed to not produce pain and suffering like a tornado on everyone around them. But most of us, by the time we showed up and got our seat, the rest of the world knew pretty much what was up with us. And you mentioned that, andI told you I was late tonight because I was late because I decided that someone has to go who two weeks ago conducted themselves in a way that is not appropriate in today's standards in society. The fact that they were drunk is separate. They'll need help because they do need help, but I'm not dealing with them as an alcoholic. I'm dealing with their conduct, which was two separate issues. But I can tell you this. by the time the conversation I had with certain people tonight by tomorrow morning everyone in our kind of loop will know what happened with this person but that's really not a traditions violation it's just how the outside world operates I would suggest that you get very good coaching and direction from a sponsor and people you trust about how to conduct yourself at work and find other people who've gone through those same circumstances it's like anything You know, when I did a 90 and 90, I wondered why my mom wouldn't give me keys to the house back. But you know, for us alcoholics, we are self-centered in nature and wonder why 90 days of no drinking can't cure 23 years of being a complete moron. That math makes sense to them and not to me. I want 90 days to give me a new lease on life. And you know the only thing I can tell you is if you have a good sponsor and good direction it just it takes time but you got to hang in there yeah just two quick clarifications if you would for me please I'm going to go a little bit earlier into the traditions my first question is can one group member override the group conscience of the members for example if it's a closed meeting and someone in the meeting is identified as not being an alcoholic and the group conscience is they could stay. Can one member say I'm uncomfortable with that and basically deny the group conscious' decision? And the second question is based on announcement and promotion. In an AA meeting, AA members owns a recovery store and mentions the fact that he owns a discovery store and they're going to do an AA function at that recovery store and they're going to give away prizes and things along those lines. Again, is that within the traditions? And if not, how would something like that be handled? You know, I have a great... I was talking about area-related announcements and John mentioned Chapter 5. The last time I was at Chapter 5, somebody asked if there's an area- related announcement and somebody said, Choices Bookstore needs support. And I was ready to go through the roof. Like, I think the second issue that you brought up is an outside issue and doesn't belong inside AA. The first issue is it almost is contradictory. How can it be a group conscience is a group conscience? If a group decides to operate itself against the traditions, our history tells us to let that group do that, but time will teach it a lesson. If it's a closed meeting, the group conscience of AA says it's only for alcoholics. So you ask yourself what group conscience is that little group taking to let someone else. Have they converted it to an open meeting? Is that what they did? But one person should never be able to run a group. I mean, that's just the bottom line. I've had some great ideas in my day, so I think a lot of them have been horrible. But the bottomline is, like I said, that exit sign. My job is to carry out the group conscience whether I vote for it or not. If I put myself to that job instead of trying to overturn the group conscious, I'm a lot more productive. Any other questions? questions. I knew tonight, all right, we're cutting it out. I just got the signal. I knew tonight would generate a lot more questions because those traditions are very debatable, one might say. I really appreciate it and I just want to say this, like I said last week, get AA comes of age, get Dr. Bob and the good old old-timers, get past it on. Look up some AA history and read for yourself. Because the traditions don't mean anything if you don't know why. You ever have someone at work and you tell them to do something and unless you tell him why they're doing it, they don't understand? Especially if they think there's no good reason? And then once you tell them why they have to do it, it makes all the sense in the day and they want to do it? It's like the traditions. If you know why we have them, which is our 15 horrific first years of trial and error, it's a lot easier to start learning them. That's why we have them. And don't learn them from me. Learn them from the literature. Are we closing in the usual manner tonight? Yes, this group closes with I am responsible for by the Lord's Prayer. But I'd like to thank everybody. Thank you very much, Billy, for coming out. Billy, do you want to take us out? Thank you.