The Practical Application of Faith as a Defense Against Relapse — Fred L.

That's how you do it. You begin to work with the steps, with the tapes. You begin working the book every day. You work the steps out of the book. You can do this by yourself. Now, it's a lot easier if you have a big book sponsor. But that's not the rage in this area. You know, that's unfortunate, but that's the way it is. So, and that kind of to me, that kind OF catharsis is good. You now, if you're starting to question what you're doing with your program, and can I do better? Let me tell you, automatically the answer is yes. Okay? If you're questioning yourself, it's yes. This is an infinite source of information and power and peace of mind and serenity. It's an infinite source. It means there's more here than you can possibly tap into. And the more you get, the more you can give away. And The more you give away, the more you're going to get. It is a phenomenon. It just works that way. Okay. So we want to talk because that being the case I want to talk more about how to work the steps out of the big book. And it's real simple. You know like we like to complicate things. There's nothing so simple that a room full of alcoholics can't complicate the hell out of it. So much so that by the end of the time, you probably won't be able to get anything done because we've just made it so complicated. And I think with all due respect to Bill Wilson, he may have done some of that to us because he wrote this other book that we all try to use now because we want to avoid using this one, so we try to used this one and this one is a lot more complicated than this one. So start with this book. In fact we belong to a home group where they tell you don't even read this book for a year Get this book down first. Get the big book down first, okay? So I want to talk a little bit about how to work it. If you've got one of these red books where you've gotta page a text and a blank page, here's how you work it. First step. First step, if you look at that sheet we gave you, doctor's opinion and Bill's story talk about the problem. So that's the first step, okay, step one. So you want to work step one, what you got is a doctor's opinion and you got Bill's story. That's step one. Now, how do you do this? Well, doctor's opinion talks about the craving. It talks about phenomenon of craving. It talks abut the obsession of the mind. So if I were your sponsor, your big book sponsor, on those blank pages, I'd encourage you to start making notes about how this happened to you. How did it work in your life? You see, relapse, to me, when we talk about relapse we talk abut going back and doing the same thing over again. And I've got to suggest to you that if you are like I am, what you will do over again is exactly the same thing you did before. And your disease will get you to do that because it worked before. So what I have to do to start to recover is to start making notes and go to school on myself. How did it happen to me before? What was that subtle insanity that I sold myself that last time? What is it that I got myself to believe, knowing full well it didn't work previously? What was it thatI got myselfto believe? Once I picked up that first drink, was there ever that occasion where you walked in and said, I'm just having one and I'm out of here, and you stayed the rest of the night? What was that like? What were those situations like? Who were those people you hung around with? What were Those situations, the places that you went that you shouldn't be? And you start to make those notes in the book. That's how you work in this step out of the book As you read Bill's story, Bill's Story talks about the unmanageability. You know, what was unmanable about your life? If your life was manageable, why are you here? We have people who say, well, I never really had any problems. Well, then fine. Go to movies. You don't have to go to a meeting. But you must have had some problems. If I had no problems in my drinking, I wouldn't be here to start with. So what was the unmanageability about? That's the other part of this thing. What was it that convinced you that you couldn't handle this alone? That's how you're starting to work on that second thing. And you're reading Bill's story. And we give you examples in Bill's history. He's trying to show you. This is what happened to me. You know, see, the entire purpose of the program, and I think we succeeded, or at least they succeeded at this. The entire purpose Alcoholics Anonymous is, in my opinion, if you learn from our experiences, you don't have to repeat them. All right, now that's it. It can save you from a lot of what happened to these other guys. But along the way, we've been able to lift the bottom up so far that people don't Have to experience very much in order to get in here. So it becomes tougher and tougher. So in some cases, if you're one of those high-bottom people, then maybe you've got to look at, if I kept doing what I was doing, where would I have ended up? And then just thank God that you didn't have to go there. But that's it. That's what we're looking at. So this is kind of simple. You're talking about your life. How do you match up to what you're reading and the doctor's opinion and Bill's story? And how does that convince you that you're powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable? Because if you'RE not convinced of that, you don't need to go to step two. Maybe what you need to do and what the big book will tell you in at least three places is you need to keep drinking. You know, a big book never tells you to stop drinking. It tells you that a way to live your life so that drinking is no longer an option, a way of living your life so that your power greater than yourself will restore you to sanity and remove the great obsession from you. But it will never tell you to stop drinkin'. In fact, in three places it will tell ya to keep drinkin', okay? So in step two now we're looking for a solution and Bill's starting to tell you what the solution is. So what we're talking about is that subtle insanity. We talked about that this morning. That subtle insanity, and how does it come into your life? And that's what you're doing as you're reading through these pages. When you see something that hits you, when you get a thought, you write it down. You write it down, right alongside of what it was that you thought about. So if you look at my book, you not only got information for when I'm doing a big book study, but you also got information about me. Because when something hits me in this book, I write it in here about me, okay? And that's why I encourage the people I sponsor to do Same thing. So as we're going through the next few chapters and there is a solution, you're also being told, like the next section here more about alcoholism, you're going to be talking more about this subtle insanity and that's what you're looking for. Okay? That subtle insanity. And I've got to tell you, I heard a guy say this just this past week speaking at a meeting and he said, if God was going to get you, if God Was Going To Get You, don't you think He would have got you by now? You know If he was going to get you If he is going to Get you Why is he going to Get you When you're doing Something good He would have got you When you were doing Something bad So the fact is God ain't going to Get you Alright Now if you went To Catholic school That's probably Some kind of Learning process That you got Because I was just Up here in the Boys room And I was feeling Like I was When I was a little Kid in the boys room And I knew there Was a nun Standing at the door When I walked out And that's kind of The fear of God That was instilled In me And I don't fear God no more. I don't fear God because I think He loves me. I think he takes care of me. I think it was working in my life before I became cognizant of the fact that He was even in my life. Otherwise, I would have been gone by now. So, if that subtle insanity no longer rules your life, then what you should be looking for in that second step is evidence. It's evidence of why you're still here. You know, how do you feel about it? Don't you know situations where you should have been gone by Now? Aren't you been in situations whereyou should havebeen dead? Where worse things had happened to you, should have been happening to you, and how come they didn't? Because you're being taken care of. Because God's got a greater purpose for you. Because there's something He's got planned for you that you don't even know about yet. Alright? That's what you're looking for in the second step. So you can come to believe in this power greater than yourself. Alright? And the fact that you're all sitting here in this room right now is evidence that it's been going on. But that's what we're looking for in here. So in the 2nd step, we're lookin' for the power greater then ourselves that will restore us to sanity before we pick up the first drink. because you've got to be nuts. You've got to be nuts to go out there and pick it up again. So we talked about this morning that power is going to restore us to sanity before you pick up the next drink. So what you're looking for in the second step then in this process that we're reading through these three chapters is how to get in touch with that power how to maintain contact with that power and how to employ and use that power when you get those crazy thoughts. That's what you're looking for, okay? So, and we're going to go on from there. And I didn't say that this morning so I wanted to make sure I said it this afternoon. That's working the steps. That'S working the steps, okay. If you're a big book sponsor, when somebody comes to you with a problem, you go to the big book and see what it has to say about it. That''s why the index is in the back of this red book. Alright? So we're gonna go to We Agnostics right now. Is that where we were? More about alcoholism? No, we didn't do more about alcoholismo. But we did most of more about alcoholism. We did that because we kept pulling pieces of that out as we were going along. So that's why I skipped through most of it because we pulled out a lot of important stuff as we went along. But there is one section of more about alcoholisme that I want to talk about. And I want to start off with it because we want to get you laughing a little bit. It's talking about this subtle insanity. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity before we picked up the first drink. I like to talk about it. It starts on page 35. Page 35 in the second paragraph starts talking about Jim. Our friend Jim. This is Jim Burwell. Jim Burrell was AA number 8, I think. The eighth man in Alcoholics Anonymous. And he's supposed to be the guy that's credited with that part of the deal here that says God as we understand him, because Jim was reportedly an atheist and resisted the fact of God or the mention of God in here. So we talk about Jim. It says our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. This man has a charming wife and family. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. He had a commendable war record. He's a good salesman. Everybody likes him. He's an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition. He did no drinking until he was 35. In a few years, he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. On leaving the asylum, he came into contact with us. We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. He made a beginning. His family was reassembled and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through his drinking. alright, potential right there resentment, all went well for a time but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life back to page 14 page 13 tells you how to maintain and establish new order of things bottom of page 14 it tells you for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through working with others and self-sacrifice for others he would be not able to what does it say Self-sacrifice to others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. So here we are on page 35, it says, He failed to enlarge his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. On each of these occasions, we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. That's what I just told you, right? That's part of this process. You've got to go to school on yourself. He knew he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on. Moreover, he would lose his family for whom he had deep affection. Yet, he got drunk again. We asked him to tell us exactly what happened. This is his story. Now you go into quotes. Alright? I came to work on Tuesday morning. What happened on Monday? I came back home. I came into work Tuesday morning I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman. Resentment for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss. What do you think that was about? Well, where the hell were you Monday? All right. But nothing serious. Now, listen to it. Listen to it, subtle insanity. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. we've got a lot of car dealers out here right on Route 17, Route 4 if you call up do they bring a car over to your house so you can see it better yet if you live up in the country you know today you call them up and say listen man I'm out here in Lake Opaquan could you bring one of those shiny cars up here so I can take a look at it better than that I live in Lake Opacan while I'm outside mowing the lawn there's a constant procession of car salesmen going by saying hey yo want to buy a car you know all right but nonetheless jim sold himself on this idea he said this is the subtle insanity i decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car on the way now what i'm going to suggest to you is that the disease has to get you to do the next thing it doesn't have to getyou to pick up the bottle if it gets you to enough next things it'll get you to the point where you pick upthe bottle all by yourself so the disease says well jim why don't you take a drive into the country? Jim says, I think I will do that. And then on the way, I felt hungry. So what's the disease say? Well, Jim, you're hungry. Why don't we stop at this roadside place where they have a bar, but they also got good food. I don't know about you, but I've gone back to some of those places that I used to go to when I was drinking because of their good food, and the food is not good. I had no intention of drinking. Of course not. He's hungry. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I had a notion that I might find a customer, listen to this, at this place. Probably one without a driver's license, right? Which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at the table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking, but he's sitting at the bar. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk. That's the compulsion coming in here, right? The craving. As soon as you have a glass of Milk, you're going to have Another Glass of Milk. You've got the composure and the craving coming in Here. And suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, uh-oh, if I were to put... Now, you've had these ideas. I know you've Had These Ideas. I know it. If I put an ounce of whiskey in my milk, It couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. You see, what happens is the calcium in the milk knocks out the alcohol in the whiskey. That's a chemical fact that drunken people believe. So it can't possibly hurt me if I put it in the milky. I ordered a whiskey and poured it in to milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart. I think he's already drunk. but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well, I ordered another whiskey and poured it into warm milk. All right? There it is. He's gone. That didn't seem to bother me, so I tried another. All right. Can you imagine that old Jim sitting there, standing there at the bar? There he is standing there. He ordered a whiskey. Now let's take the milk out of the way. Take the milk our of the away. Maybe you've done this. I know I have. You're looking at it. There it is. I've been thinking about it. I got it. Not drunk yet. No craving. I guess I'll have another. This is what he's talking about doing. Waiting for the... No craving yet. Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position to try to say nothing of the intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk. That's a subtle insanity. Nothing new. There's nothing new here. This is 1937. They're writing this. And you sold yourself. You sold yourself on something like that to begin with. All right? What did you do? What was that incident? What was the time in your life where you sold yourselves on some similarly insane idea that this time would be different and you were off on another run? And what did that cost you? That's how you take this step in this book. Put it down on paper. If you've got one of these red books, write it right in the book. You know, what about you? How did you do this to yourself? Okay. Okay, so we're not going to spend a lot of time, like I said, in this particular chapter because we picked it apart previously. And we're going to go to We Agnostics. We Agnostic. All right, on page 44, we're on We Aggnostics. and at the top of the page there in the first paragraph. In the preceding chapters, you have learned something about alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between an alcoholic and a non-alcoholic. All right? And just in case you didn't do it, he's going to tell it to you again. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you are in control over the amount you take, you are probably an alcoholic. All right, just in cases you didn�t get it previously. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. That's pretty clear. We talked about it earlier. All right? To one who feels he is an atheist or an agnostic, such an experience seems impossible. But to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is alcoholic of the hopeless variety, hopeless state of mind and body that we talked about. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. And we talked about that this morning. You know, can I think about that? Can I get back to you? Let me see. Doomed to an alcoholic life, live on a spiritual basis. You know. Can I think of this for a while and get back at you? Alright. Die of cancer or live on the spiritual basis? You have people signing up in a cancer ward you know all day long. Alright. Let's go to the next page. Next page. On page 45. Lack of power was our dilemma. Okay, so if we know what the problem is, what's the problem? What's the problema? We're powerless. All right? It's too simple. We're power-less. So on page 45 it says, lack of power. That was our dilemma. Now what's a dilemma? Well, die means two. Dilemma is a problem. You've got a two-pronged problem here. Similar two- pronged problems. If I drink, I'm going to die. If I don't get a drink, I'm gonna die. That's a two-pronged problem. All right? So lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live and it had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. We're beyond human aid. You're human, okay? You can't do this. But where and how, where we define this power, well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find the power greater then yourself which will solve your problem. So this program is not going to solve your problems. You're not going solve your problemas. This power that you find through this book is going to solve your problem. All right? This higher power. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. And I believe when Bill writes this, he's talking about moral in terms of truth. Truth. Okay? As in what's the moral of the story? What's the truth that's behind that story? Okay? And down at the bottom of the page, in the last paragraph, it says we know how he feels. We have shared his honest doubt and prejudice. Some of us have been violently anti-religious. Well, it's not about religion. Okay? This is about spirituality. This is something that's not necessarily ritualistic. Something that's not necessarily has anything to do with what you learned as a kid. It has to do with a power greater than yourself. So let's go to page 46. 46 in the first full paragraph. In the first full paragraph yes we of agnostic temperament have had these thoughts and experiences let us make haste to reassure you we found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results now not sometime in the future, not after you graduate not after your 10th anniversary not after 90 day pen but we commencet to get results as soonas we began to lay aside those prejudices, those old ideas and express even a willingness. A willingness to believe. Even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which is God. Now, I don't know. We've got people and I know them. We've Got People on a Pursuit trying to define God what He looks like, what she's like, where they live. You know. And to find God is to confine God. You can't confine God. It's an infinite power source that you plug into and you're going to solve your problem in the recovery. So you can't define God because you can not confine God. So, Bill mentions here prejudice, the word prejudice again. And I will tell you again, it is important. He mentions it about nine times in successive pages. He mentions that on page 45, 46, 47, 48, 48 two times, 49 and 56, 55. He talks about laying aside this prejudice. And when he defines prejudice, he means a judgment or opinion. Listen to me, because this is what alcoholics do, a judgment or an opinion formed before the facts are in. Before you know the facts, you form an opinion. Alcoholics do that. So what he's saying to you is go about this with an open mind. I know this sounds like a bunch of bull and there ain't no way. It's like, I need $40,000 tomorrow, man. You tell me to pray to God. No way, man, they're coming tomorrow. They called a bus on me right now and I can hear the change. And you're telling me, just easy does it. Easy does it, man. I'm booking, you know. Okay? Prejudice. Alright? So, what's necessary to get the results? He tells you two things right there in what I just read you. Two things. Necessary to get results. You've got to set aside those old ideas. Set them aside and become willing. Two things, two things. That's all you've got do. So, when you get that recall, when that mind starts telling you, this ain't going to work. This ain't going to works. This ain't gonna work. There's no way. And some of you folks, you had Leo, right? You guys, you tell people from Sunrise House, Leo, Leo H., Leo Hurley was speaking, right. Remember Leo talking about that little guy losing his brain. He got the trumpet and goes, ba-da-ba-da, you're no good. Never gonna mount anything. Ba-da ba-dah, you know, wake up. You're no good, you know, okay. That's the old, that's the old ideas. That' s the old tapes that are going on in your head. So when your head starts telling you're no good, you're not going to amount to anything, this ain't going to work, you tried it before, but after that, you know, put it aside. Put it aside, how do you put it aside? How do you putting it aside? And substitute that thought for this thought, God I am willing. God I'm willing. Keep saying it until you believe it. Keep saying until you get willing, I'm willing, willing to do anything. Now some of us got some old prejudice that creep in here because when I say I'm God, God I am willing, the first thought that comes to me is I don't want to go to Ethiopia and be a missionary. Because, you see, when you're willing and you submit to the will of God, he puts you on a plane or a ship and he sends you to Ethiopia to be a missionary. Well, I've got to tell you, I learned to become willing and I haven't been to Ethiopia yet. He didn't even ask me to be an missionary. He didn'T even send me out of New Jersey. And I resisted asking a guy to be my sponsor because he's always going to church. And I said, you know, I don't want to ask this guy to Be My Sponsor because as soon as I ask him to be my sponsor, I'm going to have to go to church. I don't want to go church on Sunday morning. And as soon As I ask Him to be My Sponsor, you know, He's going to Have to Get Churched. So four years ago, I went and asked the guy To be my Sponsorer and he hasn't mentioned church to me yet because I became willing to go To church. That's what I have to do. If I didn't be my sponsored, I'd go, I'll just be my sponsors. He hasn't Mentioned church to Me yet. Okay? So, He tells you two things. Set aside the prejudice, become willing. All right? Okay. Now, down at the bottom of the page, down at the bottom of the page, it tells you much to our relief we discovered that we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception however inadequate was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. So whatever you think God is. You know I go to meetings and I see people get up there and they're celebrating you know and they celebrate I don't know if some of you folks went to the AA convention area 44 convention and you got people getting up there. You had about 2,000 years of sobriety sitting up on that stage. People with a minimum of 25 years and they had 127 people sign up and 80 some of those people showed up. And they got up there and they sat in the front of the room and they were like, and they said, and they got over 2,00 years of sobriete. Now whatever that power is that got those people up there in front of that room and out of whatever kind of lives that they had going for them before and got them 25 years plus of sobriety. That's what I believe in. Whatever it looks like, wherever it lives, that's the power that I believe. So whatever happened to them can happen to me if I can plug into that power. And this book tells me where and how and why and how I'm going to get it, how I can plugin to that power. That's where I believe it. I want to be willing to believe in what I see. You can't deny it. You can' t deny it! I told you before, nobody is more surprised than I am that I'm sober as long as I am. Because I lived in here the whole time. And if you know what was going on up here, you'd be surprised too. You know, the way I used to live and the way that I live today. It's incredible! Alright? Something happened. Whatever that power is that cleared up that mind, that's what I believe in. Okay? That's what we're going to do. That's where I believe it. As soon as we admit it, and here it goes. Here's promises. Here's promise. As soon we admit the possible existence of a creative intelligence It's the spirit of the universe underlying the totality of things. We began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction. You made contact, okay? Provide it. Always got that word in there. Yeah, another word for it. Provide It, we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who find Him. Is that what it says in the book? With those who seek Him. So you don't even have to find Him. That's how powerful this God person is, this God thing is, this power is. You don't Even have to Find Him to start experiencing the power. What you've got to do is to start to seek Him. Because as soon as you start to Seek Him, you become willing. And as soon As you become Willing, you stop running a show. So it says in a book, we found that God does not make too hard turns with those who seek Him To us, the realm of the Spirit is broad and roomy, all-inclusive, never exclusive and forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. So what he tells you down here at the bottom of the page is what happens when you admit a possible existence of God. Now how do you know if you really do this? The promises that we have in our book always tell you if you're doing a thing right. How do you Know If You Really Become Willing? Then you're going to get a new sense of power. A new sense OF direction. And you're gonna find that it's not as hard as you thought it was. That's how you're going to know. Alright? You've made contact. Now you've made contact. Okay? Next page. Next page, here it is again. Do not add any prejudice. Here it is again. Again. Do not add any prejudice you have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth to affect our first conscious relationship with God. Get your old presidents out of the way and become willing. That's it. You know a second time in two pages. Next paragraph, as soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. Willingness is all that is required. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built. What simple corner stone? Is this too tough? Willingless. Willing. Stop resistance. You go to these meetings. I know you go to this meeting. I know you go to these meetings where they talk about pain. They talk about pain. Oh, you know, Edie's got to talk tonight. She's in such pain. Oh, she's got to get it out. You know? Keep it in, Edie. Keep it in. Don't ruin my night. You know, I come from a sponsorship where it says sit down and shut up. And that applied to Edie as well. Edie's going to get rid of her pain, 35 people in a room, 34 including Edie. Edi gets rid of the pain, 34 people go out in pain. Edie has got to get it out. Got to get out. I know you go to these meetings. I say I got to get it out. I got to get it out. What do I start talking about? I forgot. I forgot I got caught on eating what was I talking about the cornerstone cornerstone of willingness that is still going to help I forgot I forgot we'll get back to eating later on see that making fun of people can't do that next page page 48 here it is again We often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitivity, and unreasoning. Unreasoning prejudice. UnreASONING prejudice. All right, down a little bit further. Same paragraph, last sentence. Sometimes this was a tedious process. We hope no one else will be prejudiced for as long as we were. All right? Just above that. Just above there. In this respect, alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. Reasonableness, okay? Prejudice, hanging on to those same ideas. Hanging on to it again. Go to page 49. Last paragraph on page 49, we who have traveled this dubious path beg you to lay aside prejudice. There it is again. If Bill thinks it's important, he tells you at least three times. He's got you about five times already. About five times, okay. Let's go over to page 50. Page 50 in the second paragraph. It tells you again what's supposed to happen in the stories. It says, In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives of the power which is greater than himself. That's what those stories are supposed to be about. They're supposed to tell you how these people got in touch with their power. Okay? Down at the bottom of the page. On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed Every one of them has gained access to and believes in a power greater than themselves. They have to. That's the only way you're going to recover. This power has, in each case, accomplished the miraculous, the inhumanly impossible. Next paragraph. Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, they flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than Themselves, to take certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things, there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. All right, now you remember what Dr. Young talked about? Dr. Jung, back around what, page 27? Page 27, he was talking about describing change. He said, to me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. And now here we are on page 50, and it says that there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. Is that the same thing that Jung was talking about? I believe it is. Now, how did we bring it about? We brought it about just like it's telling here in that same paragraph. They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a power greater than themselves of which willingness is the beginning to take a certain attitude towards that power. What is that attitude? You can do what I can't. And third, to do certain simple things. What are those simple things? steps. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. Dr. Young knew what the problem was, he knew what the solution was, but he could not come up with a program of action to bring about the solution. However, what God did was He brought two drunks together and He gave them the power. He gave him the power to bring about the program of action necessary to match up the solution with the problem. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face, page 50, in fact, in a face of collapse and despair. Despair, is that depression? In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of total failure of human resources into your rope, right? They found a new power, a new peace, a new happiness, and a new sense of direction. That's a good deal. That's good deal, you don't have to take no drugs to find it. Now you give me the right combination of drugs I know I'm going to have a new power and I might miss it. I might nod out right in the middle of my new peace and new happiness. you know, but I'll get it and you don't have to take nothing to do this. You know, you have a new sense of direction. Be sideways. You'd be going over like that on the side, right? Falling off the couch. Here you got it. Here you get it. All you got to do is a few simple things. This happened. This happened down at the bottom of the page. This happened many years. Many years after they wholeheartedly met it. Wholeheartedly met a few single requirements. Is that what it says? What's it say? This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. Soon. Now, being a good alcoholic drug addict, what's the next question? What do you mean soon? What do we mean soon, 3 o'clock, 5 o' clock, next Thursday, Friday, Friday? November, December, Thanksgiving? What are you talking about soon? What do I mean soon ? And then you've got good AA people, well-intentioned AA people and they tell you things like, well, it takes five years to get your brains out of hot. Oh, I can't tell you how good that makes me feel, man. Man, I've got five more years of this? Oh, my God. You know, but you see if they read page 50 on a book, it says soon, soon. I don't know how long soon is, but I could probably make it. I could possibly make it, you know, soon, okay? Once, once, confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence. What is that? Hopeless state of mind and body? All right, they show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life. Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living. Now we're still talking about the stories in the back of the book. They tell why leaving was so unsatisfactory. They show how the change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness and the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. That's where your willingness comes from. You read the stories, you see what happens to these people, you go to meetings, you listen to those people, you see What Happened to Them, and you start to believe. Believe in that, whatever that is. Okay? Okay. Next page. Page 52. Alright, here's the questions. Here's work. Here's worked to be done. Here's works to be done. This is still second step. Alright, still second step. Here's words to be done. Alright, middle of the page, second paragraph. We have to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. Okay? Had a guy in detox one time. Had a guys in the detox program I ran one time, he came in and he was there for the eighth time. We said well Sandy what are you going to do now? And he said well I'm going to go to this meeting on Tuesday night, this meeting Wednesday night. I've got aftercare on Thursday night, I'm doing this meeting Friday night, Saturday I'll go to that meeting, Sunday I'll spend with my wife, Monday I'll to the psychotherapist and Tuesday night I'll be back here for this meeting. And I looked it up in a file, and that was exactly the same thing he had done the eight previous times, seven previous times he'd been in the hospital. So I brought it to him, and I showed him. I said, you know, he did all these things. No, I didn't say that. I said why are you doing this plan? He said, well, it worked before. So wait a minute. Didn't you come in here drunk at a BAC of .37 when they brought you in here? I want to suggest to you that it didn't work before. That's why you're here. So it says in the book here, we have to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. Now an old guy named Jack McSherry who's dead now, and I'm going to use his name because he died with 51 years of sobriety when he died. He came to me one time when I was coming back from one of those slips and he said to me, you know, it's real simple, Fred. To recover and stay sober, all you've got to do is two simple things. You know, I love the simplicity of the old timer. You know, he came in and he said to me, first of all, number one, you've got to do everything you did before. Because that's what worked. Of course. Second thing, you got to go through everything you didn't do before. Because that is what caused the problem. Real simple. Too simple. Everything you did because that's how it works. Everything you didn' t do before, that's why you need it. Okay? Too simple, alright? Same paragraph, page 52. We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems the same readiness to change our point of view. All right, here's some questions you ask yourself. And when you ask yourselves these questions, put when I was drinking in front of it. When I was thinking, was I having trouble with personal relationships? Yes, yes. All right. There ain't enough room in this book for that, right? All right? When I Was Drinking, did you have control over your emotional nature? Not only when I Was drinking, but after I stopped drinking, it got worse. When it's drinking, where you pray to misery and the D word. The D word, I'm not even going to say it. I'm just going to want nobody around here to get the D Word. Alright, when you were drinking, were you praying? Now, does that mean when you stop drinking, you no longer pray? No way. You're a bigger pray. You better pray. P-R-A-Y. You better Pray. Alright, what I was drinking was I prayed to misery. When I stopped drinking, did it get worse? That's another question. When I was drinking, did I have trouble making a living? When I Was Drinking, was I having that feeling of uselessness? When I WAS DRINKING, was i full of fear? When I WAS DRINKIN, was unhappy? When I WA WAS DRINKIN, I COULDN'T SEEM TO BE A HELP. DID I EVEN THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE? WHEN I WAS DRAKING, WAS NOT A BASIC SOLUTION TO THESE DEDEVELOPMENTS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHETHER WE SHOULD SEE NEWSREELS OF LUNAR FLIGHT? OF COURSE IT WAS. We saw others solve their problem by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the universe. When we saw that, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work, but the God idea did. Alright, now, when you do this, there's another trick we're going to show you a little later on where we're gonna match these up to something in the book. But we'll show you a little bit later on. That's how to diagnose whether or not you've got the problem. How did that happen to you? Give me instances. You're working this step in this book. Write it down. Write it down. You see, if I don't write it down being a good alcoholic, this mind up here is trained to rationalize and justify and forget. It's trained to selectively perceive, let in only those things that already agree with what I believe. And not necessarily what I have been believing all my life, but what I believe at the moment which is changing. It's always changing. So when I write it down and I go back and look at it, I wrote it. That came out of here. When I keep it up here it changes. I begin to rationalize and justify it. So, people say, well, I take a fifth step every time I go out and speak at a meeting. Bullshit is what I say to that. Because every time you go out to meet, you're probably saying something different. You know, you need to get a record of it so that you know if you've made progress. Because if I got a fifth-step list up here in my head, every time something happens to me in the course of any day, that list is changing. That list is changed. And it's going and it's coming. And that's not me. That's the book that's telling that stuff. And I'm going to show you when we get to the fourth step, it's going to tell you about 12 times to write it down. Write it down! Now unless you've got some electrography up here in your head with one of those computer deals where you can write on the side of your head like a UPS guy got and it goes in there, you know, you're going to have to get a piece of paper. In fact, in a book it tells you how simple is it? You probably missed it. Get a piece OF PAPER and write this down because Bill knew you. So here it's telling you. Here it's telling you ask yourself these questions. Write it in a Book. Write it in A Book. Okay? And when you get time, you go to page 83 and 84 and you compare this list of problem questions to the promises and see if you're making any progress. All right? Let's go. Next page. Listen to me. Listen to him. See if this is you. See if it's you. See if that's you, page 53, second paragraph. When we became alcoholics, crushed by self-imposed crises. Anybody identify with that? Anybody want to admit to identifying with that? We could not postpone or evade those crises. We had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or He's nothing. You want to get to that jumping off point, that turning point that they talk about? That point of desperation where you got to or you're not going to live. Life or death. Let's see. Life in an asylum or accept spiritual help. What would you like? God either is or He isn't. what is your choice to be? It's time to make up your mind. Time to makeup your mind You must make a commitment to this program you must make the commitment to recovery alright and you will get out of this program in direct proportion to the commitment that you make let me change that, that's a misstatement you will more out of the program if you work it than any commitment you ever make but you at least get what you commit Bill talks about having faith all the time And on page 54, he says it's not something new. And that page got down to the bottom of 53 going over to 54. He said that every human being deep down inside of them has some notion of God, whatever it is, whatever it isn't. I'd like to draw your attention to page 54 in the second paragraph. It says, imagine life without faith. Where nothing but pure reason, where nothing but cure reason, where nothing left but pure region, it wouldn't be life. Now it's like Mr. Spock, you know, on Star Trek. If it's not rational, it's Not reasonable, It's not logical, He doesn't understand it, He doesn' t comprehend it. You know, he has a decent life. You know he gets to live On a starship, He gets to go anywhere He wants in the galaxy. You know He's not locked up In some asylum someplace. But, but, He does'nt have any feelings Or emotions. They don't play The proper role in his life. He's got no instincts. He doesn''t have any instincts. Now the good part is He doesn ''t have Any instincts To go wild on him, which is the main cause of our problem like we're going to find out in step four but he also doesn't have any instincts. He can put himself in harm's way and save the crew if it makes logical sense for him to do that. Now, if you want to live that kind of life you probably know some people like that but they're doing it because of drug therapy whether it's self-administered or not they're living like that. Do you wantto live like that in recovery? Is that what we're here for? I want to see what it's like to be as normal as I can be. I don't think I could ever be normal. I don' t think so because normal people are not attracted to me. I've never seen... I'm sorry, dear. But some people that can really, really work and be as normals are attracted to men. That's the best they can do. But I don''t know. What's normal? I don ''t know." I don'T have a point of reference. Nobody in my family was ever normal. I don.''t know what that is. But I like to see what it feels like. I liketo live and die and know what I stand for. I like to live and die as a man and know what I have in my heart. Know what's inside my head. I know what's in my gut. What am I willing to stand up for? What am i willing to die for? What are my values? What is the system I want to live by? You know, I don't want to live and never know me. I think that's the worst thing that can happen to a human being. I was here. I did something while I was here. And not only was I here and did something but I remember it and hope to God pray to God that maybe it amounts to some good in the world. Maybe I put something back for what I took out, you know. And if I live my life like Dr. Spock, that's not going to happen. That's not gonna happen, see? So let's go to the next page. Yeah, so next page, okay? And I have one of those sponsors that would tell you when he brought him a problem, you're gonna have to rise above it. You're gonna has to rise about it. I thought, God, man, I gotta get another sponsor. This guy don't have any answers at all. And here it is on page 55. This is where he got it. yet we have been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world. People who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible and we only smile because we know God didn't do that kind of stuff. You know, we had seen spiritual release but we like to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Well, if this is beyond human aid, if we're beyond human aide and God starts doing these things, then who do you think it is? It ain't you. You know? It ain' the drugs you've been taking. You know, you used to get a lot of relief out of those drugs, but they always caused more problems. And now you're seeing something in front of your face, but your old prejudice is telling you it can't possibly be true. Actually, we were fooling ourselves. We're deep down that every man and woman and child has the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or another, it is there. For faith in a power greater than ourselves is a miraculous demonstration of that power and human lives are facts as old as man. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found a great reality. Where did we find it? Atop of a mountain in Tibet, right? Is that what it said? We found it. A great reality, check it out, capital letters, capital G, capital R, the great reality of God deep down within us. In the last analysis, it was there. It was only there that he may be found. It was so with us. Here it is again. We can only clear the ground a bit. Here is Bill Wilson's guarantee. Last night we told you about Dr. Bob's guarantee Dr. Rob's guarantee is on page 181 in his story. Here is bill Wilson's Guarantee. We can Only Clear the Ground a Bit. If our testimony helps you sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself. Then if you wish, you can join us on a broad highway. With this attitude, you cannot fail. Alright? So what do you got to do to recover from alcoholism? You've got to doing three things. Sweep away the prejudice. Get rid of those former ideas, those things that are holding you back, blocking you off from the sunlight of the Spirit. You've gotta learn to think honesty and you've gotta search diligently within yourself. And Bill Wilson says, now I don't mean to brag. I don' t mean to pay any homage to Bill that he doesn' t deserve. He' s only the founder of a goddamn program of Alcoholics Anonymous. He says with this attitude you cannot fail. Now I know being a good alcoholic you're sitting out there saying well, well, that was a long time ago. 1937 1937 and this book is outdated I know my friend Frank over there told me that last night he said he heard it at a meeting once this book is outdated and we had the same response, I said well it's not outdated it can't be outdated I know it's non-outdated and you know how I know it's no outdated I know it's as current today as it is when Bill wrote it. In fact, he probably was inspired to make sure that he wrote into this book things that would keep it current. I'm going to give you an example right here. I know its current because in a big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, it mentions gay bars. Page 154. Page 155. Page 156. I'm going to show it to you. Page 154, second paragraph. It says, One dismal afternoon he paced a hotel lobby wondering how his bill would be paid. At the end of the room stood a glass-covered directory of local churches. And down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar and he saw the gay crowd inside. Bill's in a gay bar. There it is. Now, if it's important, he mentions it three times. I told you that. So look a little further down in the next paragraph. Next paragraph on page 154. Last sentence. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from the bar as he stood in the hall. There it is. All right, now that's twice, so go over to page 160. Second paragraph. Many a man yet days from his hospital experience has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to the gay crowd inside. Three times. Don't tell me this book is outdated. Don't say that. Don't you tell me. He's got it. He's going on right here. Alright. Let's go to chapter 5. Do we want to go there? Yes, let's go to chapter 5 Go to chapter 5 A lot of you people got the red book Okay, you got the read book Alright, so what I want to do In the first paragraph You read on page 58 Anybody that wants to But I'm going to read you the same stuff from the original manuscript from that original manuscript. See, Bill felt very strongly, Bill felt VERY strongly about what he was writing. But he had to bring this prototype of the book, he hadto bring this prototype of thebook to the other members of Alcoholics Anonymous so that they would approve of what hewas writing. So, what Bill did was hewould write something that he felt very strongl about and he'd bring it to the rest of the members and they would kind of trade it off and say Bill, well maybe you shouldn't be that strong with it. Okay? So when you get to this first, to chapter 5 it says, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed what does it say? Our path. Okay? If you read the original version it says rarely have you seen a person fail who thoroughly followed our directions. So Bill was about giving directions. This is what you do. This is not a suggested path. Okay? This is what you do. Okay, also, also it says our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it then you are ready to follow what? It takes certain steps. But in the book, in the original edition, it says you are already to follow directions to do what we tell you. Okay? And Also, same page in paragraph 4. Page 58, paragraph 4, all right? It goes over to the other page. It says, remember that you are dealing with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help it is too much for you, but there is one who has all that power. That one is God. You must find him now. That's the original version, okay? And I'm going to suggest to you that one of the things, one of things you do instead of studying the big book is to match up the original version with the third edition version that you've got in front of you and find out. Bill was a lot more serious about this, a lot More serious than it's made out to be in the book. All right, down at the bottom of page 58, it says, Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help, it is too much for us. What kind of help? Spiritual help. Okay? It's too much för oss. But there is one. He has all power. That one is God. May you find Him now. The original version says you must find Him Now. Hash measured, the veil does nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked for His protection with complete abandon. 100% commitment. And we go through the steps. Okay? Let's go to page 60. Page 60. Now we're closing in on step 3. Page 60, page 60, and you're going to see, I hope, by the end of this afternoon that we have really complicated this program. We've complicated so much that a lot of newcomers suffer from mental paralysis. That's how complicated we made it. We just, we just complicate the hell out of it when it's a simple program if you do it the way it's written in the big book, okay? However most people don't know how it's been written in a big book. Okay so, so what we're going to tell you down up down on page 60 and the third paragraph it says being convinced, being convinced of the three things up above. A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. What's that sound like? Step one, right? That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. Alright? That God could and would if He restored. Step two. Okay? So you're convinced of step one and two. Okay? You're now at well, figure it out. If you're convinced of one and twos, you're now a three. Alright? Which is that we decided to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him. Alright, just like you're talking about those people up on the stage with 25 years or more. Just what do we mean by that? And just how, just what do We do? The first requirement, first requirement of step three is that We be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Well, if You've been honest, if you've been Honest with Yourself, You probably did that. Alright, because it's self- will that's what's done it to You. So, You're probably already convinced. That's the first requirement. On that basis, we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show and is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, and the scenery and arrest the players in his own way. If his arrangement would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, does this sound familiar? If they just do what I tell them, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. Trying to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. And if it's me, it's always virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, codependent. Did you say codependant in there? Even modest and self-sacrificing. on the other hand he may be mean egotistical selfish and dishonest but as with most humans he is more likely to have varied traits now here's what happens here's a relapse process for you don't even know he was talking about it what usually happens the show doesn't come off very well he begins to think life doesn't treat him right stinking thinking right he decides to exert himself even more try for more power and control he becomes on a next occasion still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play doesn't suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat somewhat at fault. He is sure that other people are to blame. He becomes angry, indignant and self-pitying. What is the basic trouble? Is he not really a self seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he nicht a victim of delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of the world if he only manages well? Down the bottom our actor is self-centered and egocentric. Is he NOT? Is he not? Okay. Closing in on it. Closing it on it, page 62. Page 62, closing in on it. Here it comes. Here it comes, all right. Whatever our protestations, top of the page, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments and our self-pity. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles And I'm not going to read this fast because it's important. So let me stop. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self seeking, self pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, always seemingly without provocation. But we invariably find that at some time in the past, only if we look for it, we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. There's a place in the country where you go to an AA meeting and they say, my name is Fred, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Fred. Alright? That's a custom in an area of the country. Alright? Well, Fred is my problem. You see, Fred gets me into these situations. Driven by selfishness, self-centeredness, a hundred fears of form, the fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity. I make decisions that interfere with other people's lives. And when they come back and get me for that, I don't see what I ever did to make them feel that way. So it says here in the book, So we say our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves. And the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot. Now if I'm working the third step with you, you're going to be making some suggestions here about things that you've done through self-propulsion driven by a hundred forms of fear and self-delusion that have caused you these kinds of problems in your life because we're starting to build you up for that fourth step. So what did you do? Now, I know every good alcoholic in the room is going to say, I didn't do nothing. I didn' t do nothing." When Pat calls you into her office and says, What did you d o? What's the right answer to that question? I didn''t do nothing, you know? We all know how to say it. Okay? That's how it works. So our troubles are basically of our own making. So you did something. You did something, what is it? Search for it. If you can't find anything right away, that's an indication of how sick you are, not how good you are. Okay? Above everything else, alcoholics must be rid of selfishness. Now how important is this? I mean, this is just clear. I'll tell you later on, clear-cut directions will be given. Above everything other, we alcoholics must be red of selfishess. We must, or it kills us, excavation point. Okay? You either do it, or you're going to die. That's it. There is no negotiation. Okay? Now, it tells you. And I told you, when Bill thinks it's important, he tells you three times. So, our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. There it is on page 62. Let's go to page 133. Page 133 133 In the top of the page Last sentence Same paragraph, by the way, where it says We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free We cannot subscribe to the belief that life is a veil of tears Though it once was just that for many of us But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. You see, if I'm God, and I'm your Father, what do I want for you? I want you to be happy, joyous, and free. So am I going to put you in misery to make you happy, joyful, and fresh? It says then, avoid then the deliberate manufacture of misery. Alright? Do you know who Henny Youngman is? Henny young man? Jewish philosopher, right? He played a violin. Died recently. Henny Youngman says, guy goes to the doctor. He said, doctor, doctor. Every time I go like this, it hurts. What did the doctor tell him? Don't do that. Henny youngman said he went to the doctor. He didn't pay his bill. He said he worked at the doctor's. Went to the doc. He didn' t pay his bills. Doctor gave him another six months to live. Is that right? No. He went to doctor. He told him he had six months to live. He didn''t pay his Bill. Doctor gave me another six months. That's how it goes. Okay. Enough of that. Henny Yelman is walking down the street with a little poodle under his arm. Guy says, no, where'd you get the poodle? He said, I just got that from my wife. Guy said, who'd make a trade like that? Thank you. Thank you Okay, that's enough hanging on me. You don't believe me anyway Here's the second time it tells you, but it is clear. We made our own misery Avoid then the deliberate manufacture of misery If trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize on it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence, God's omnipoteness okay uh do we do 62 how about 103 103 here's the third time third time bottom of the paragraph bottom of page after all italics it's important after all our problems were of our own making three times three times okay three times so it's telling us on page 62 you got yourself in this jam okay going on there we're on page 262 in the second paragraph. There even seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without God's aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. This is the how and why of it. Here's the directions. First of all, we had to stop playing God. Second, we had to decide that in the drama of life God was going to be our director Our director, not our suggester Our director He is the principal We are his agents He is his father We are as his children Most good ideas are simple And this concept was the keystone Of the new and triumphant arc Through which we passed the freedom Next page Next page Top of the page alright how do you know if you did those steps right those steps one two here's those promises we read them last night alright and then you get on page 63 to the second paragraph to the 2nd paragraph ok 2nd paragraph it says we are now at step 3 we are not we are NOW at step three ok for many of us said to our maker as we understood him third step prayer third step prayer. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. End of quote. into prayer. We thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready that we would at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him. Third step. Done. Is it done once and for all? No. There's no great checklist in the sky. Do it every day. Do it ever hour if you have to do it, but do it until it becomes the way of life. We found it very desirable to take this step when an understanding person goes on to give you some idea like he does in the book because we didn't have, we didn' t have a lot of people around Alcoholics Anonymous. We didn' T have Alcoholics Anonymous and this book was going to be used to spread the word. Okay? So we made a decision. We made a decision. You know? And you all know the story about three frogs sitting on a log in a pond? You got three frogs sitting on the log in a pod. Alright? One of them made a decision to jump into the pond. How many frogs in the log? Three. One of them only made a decision. Okay? So, it takes place up here. You make that decision. You makethat decision. Okay? It's a mental process. Okay? We know that it's amental process and you do it as many times as you have to. It'll begin to demonstrate in your life and it'll be evident to people that you've done it, but it'sa mental process If you look down at the bottom of the page at page 63, it says, next, we launched on a course of vigorous action. So we're going to ask you to actually do something. Next. Okay? So this was a mental process. A vigorous reaction, the first step of which is personal house cleaning. Okay? And I think it might be a good time to take a break. Right? So let's do that. And we'll come back and go to work. We'll get started. Page 63. Page 63, in the bottom of the page, it says, Next, we launched on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which was personal house cleaning. Step four, which many of us had never attempted, though our decision was a vital and crucial step. Top of page 64. Step three, though our decission was a viral and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once, followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Alright? So much for those people like we were telling you that say, you'll know when it's time. You'll know When It's Time to do your fourth step. The book says that you must do this in order to make your third step worthwhile, you have to do the fourth step right away. Now, any language that I know of, and I only know about three languages, and when you say at once, it does not mean you'll know when it's time. At once means now. Now. Okay? So it says, though our decision was a vital and crucial step, step three, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us, period. Blocking us how? blocking us off from the sunlight of the Spirit, which is God's grace, which will allow us to recover from this disease of alcoholism. Our liquor was but a symptom, so we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started on a personal inventory, and this was step four. Step four. A business takes inventory that takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact facing process. It is an effort to disclose the truth about our stock in trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. It says here in our book we did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. Now, Bill liked to write. Man, I know he got cruising. He got cruising when he was writing this. So let's just talk about what he's talking about. It tells you you've got to do exactly the same thing that you do in business. You've got to face the truth about your stock and trade. What's up with you? Okay? We did exactly that same thing. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup. Flaws in our make-up. Okay? Flaws on our make up which caused our failure. Hello? Which caused our fail-ure. How come you've been making a mess of your life or you've got some flaws in your makeup that have been causing you to fail. What are they? Well, in the 12 and 12, he calls them character defects. Same thing. Alright? He also calls them shortcomings. Same thing, you know. What he's talking about is what's up with you. What's the deal with you? You know. You live in there. You know if you get honest with yourself. You know! You know what you're doing. We call it self-defeating behavior. It's those things that you do when you don't do the right thing. It's Those Things That You Do When You Want To Do The Right Thing But You Just Can't Bring Yourself To Do The Right Things. It's These Things That Do In Addition To Doing The Right thing That Nullify Or Invalidate The Right Thing When You Did It. What is it? What is this? What do you do? What do I do? What do we do? All right? got to go to school on yourself. You've got to figure this out. But he goes on to tell you that being convinced that self manifests itself. That self we were talking about on page 62, self-fear, self-dilution, self. You know, you, you, three inches behind your belly button, whatever drives your behavior. Self manifests itself in major ways that causes problems. And here's four ways that he talks about in the next few pages. he says that the self manifests itself in four ways one is resentment one is anger one is fear and another one is sex now if you can't get in trouble with two out of those four you sure as hell you would probably don't belong in this room but you put all four of these together and you got yourself a mess which is most of what most of us got when we walk in the door so self consider what you want how you're going to get it what causes those resentments what makes you angry what are you afraid of and what's your sex life about tells you in the book that forming a sane sex life is what we're going to ask god to do for us i went to catholic school and i know for a fact that god's got nothing to do with sex so the idea of asking or even discussing my god i wouldn't even think about god and sex in the same thought but it tells me in a book that i'm I'm going to ask Him to help shape a sane sex life for me. And I'll be afraid to do that, and if He interferes, I'll get real angry and I'll probably get a resentment over the whole thing. And we'll be right back where we started from. But Bill tells us in a book that if you're going to look at yourself, this is the four ways you're gonna look at yourself. Because most often with alcoholics, this is how the self manifests itself. It shows itself in us. Alright? And in that light, we go to page 64 in the third paragraph and it says, Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From its stem all forms of spiritual disease. For we have been not mentally and physically ill, we have being spiritually sick. When a spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physical. In dealing with resentments, we set them... Hello. We set them on paper. All right? What does it say? We carry them around in our head for the next time we go out speaking on a commitment. Is that what it says? All right. We're dealing with resentment. We set dem on paper first time. We list it. Uh-oh. There it is again. How do you list things? Well, you could list them in your mind. We list them to people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases, it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our money, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were boned up. Our grudge list, on our grudge lists, we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self esteem, our security, our ambition, our personality, our sexual relations which had been interfered with? Okay? simple matter. We have complicated the hell out of this thing. So we've got, and if you listen to Charlie and Joe, they've got another list over there that has more columns on it. It's got four, I don't know if they've got six columns on their inventory list now. If you're Catholic, we've got a thing with 12 columns on it because we've got the Catholics are in the guilt. So we got six column inventory for you. But we're talking about in Bill's version right here on page 65, you do this, you get well. The original members and founders of Alcoholics Anonymous all around the world did this, and they got well. This is how simple it is. You have to go to school on yourself and figure out when you've got a resentment at somebody, what's the cause of it and what did it affect? That's it. You've got to get to school in yourself. You've Got to start understanding you. So look at what Bill says, for example. He's resentful at Mr. Brown. Now, why is he resentful? Well, he pays a lot of attention to his wife. He told his wife about his mistress. That's a pretty good reason. And Brown, Brown may get my job at the office. Oh, that's a very good reason! So what does this affect? Well Brown told Bill's wife, uh, he paid a lot attention to Bill's Wife so what does that affect? It affects my sex relations. It affects my self esteem which is really fear. Alright, Mr. Brown told Bill's wife about his mistress. That affects his sex relations pretty good. It also affects his self-esteem. He's afraid. Brown may get my job at the office. It affects my security, my self-esteem. Now he's starting to deal with you. He started to learn about you. Mrs. Jones, why are you resentful of her? She's a nut. She snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend. She's aghast. And what does that affect? It affects her personal relationships and self-esteem. It better affects his self- esteem. It affects his fear, too, because if Mrs. Jones did it, she may be talking to Mrs. Wilson. Mrs. Williamson may be thinking about doing it. So his fear is going to start increasing. My employer. All right? The cause. Unreasonableness. Unjust. He's overbearing. He threatens to fire me for drinking. The nerve of the man. And padding my expense account. My God! You know? And what does this affect? It affects self-esteem, the fear, and security. My wife. She misunderstands and nags. She likes Mr. Brown. and she wants to put the house in her name. Got a little scenario shaping up here. What does that affect? It affects his pride, personal sex relations, security, and fear. We went back through our lives noting nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing as a parent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. to conclude that others were wrong as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse, and then it was sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. to the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, but with the alcoholist, listen to me, but withthealcoholic whose hope is in the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. This is how relapse occurs. Alright? For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the spotlight of the spirit which is God's grace, that power that exists outside of human experience. We shut ourselves up from the power of God's grace. We shut ourself off from the moonlight of the spiritual spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. That's it. That's hit. Now, I don't want to criticize anybody but I'm going to. There's a nice man he's sober about 28 years named Terry Gorski and he's got 37 warning signs to tell you when you're going to have a relapse. He's got 27 warning signs. I know Terry. I know Perry. I've read his stuff and he has some great stuff. I'm going to tell you, if I'm carrying around a list of 37 warning signs, if I want to find out if I am in a relapse, by the time I get to about 7 or 8, I'm gonna be drunk. Book tells me, book tells me when I harbor resentment the insanity of alcohol returns and I'll drink again. Three step process. Three step proces. For when harboring such feelings we cut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. I disconnect. I pull out the plug. Alright? The insanity of alcohol returns. That subtle insanity we talked about comes back. I start to believe that I can do things that I could never do before. And in fact, things that I proved that I cannot do before that insanity returns and I drink again. It is that simple. It is as simple. So, how do I avoid this? I find out what it is I am mad at and I solve the problem. I solve problems. I disconnect those wires. You see, every time I got a resentment I am hooked up to that resentment. It costs me more to carry the resentment than it does to that person that I had the resentment against to have it. I don't know if you've had those things. I've been mad at people for years. I was mad at a guy one time for years and found out later on he's dead. I was walking around still mad at him. Guy's dead! You know? I was tied to him. He's gone, man. He's been buried. Decomposed. Years. Gone. You know, he was feeding the cows. I'm still mad. I'm not mad at them. It's costing me. I'm connected to him. I'm disconnected to him, so it costs me to be connected to that guy. That dead guy costs me to be disconnected to them. This is this process. My sponsor said it's like pulling yourself out of a vat of taffy. Imagine yourself. I can't imagine what anybody would be doing in a vAT of taFFy, but it's just like trying to pull yourself out. Somebody drops a trapeze down to you and you grab hold of that trapeaze and you start pulling yourself up out of that vAToftaffy, and as you start to pull, you've got those big, strong strands of taffy hanging on to you and trying to pull you back into that vat. And with this process here, what you start doing is you start reaching down here trying to cut those strands of taffy so you can get loose. The further out you get, the more those strings of taFFy get pulled, the more they get stretched, the less strong they get. The further route you get the easier it is to pull yourself out. But at the beginning process you've just got to start sniffing some of them away and that's what this process is. because I'm tied to that dead guy. He's laying there feeding the cows, and I'm still mad and angry at him every time I think about it. Charlie and Joe tell you it's like having a resentment machine in your head. Anytime you want, you can just go down there and get an instant replay. He says it's as if you have it down in a basement. You go down here and press a button, and you see it. You can see the whole thing over again. He said, Charlie and Jo tell you that resentment is a word made up of two parts, re, which means again, and resentment means sentiment, to feel that way again. Somebody does something to you, they cause you to feel a certain way. That's one time. You think about it, you're doing it to yourself the next time. And you do it over and over and over and again. No wonder it blocks you off from the sunlight of the Spirit. Only so much can come into your brain. So what Bill says is that self manifests itself in resentment. Got to get rid of them. Tells you in a book. Can't be more clear. You're either going to get drunk or you're going to die. Because here's what it says. When harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight or the Spirit, insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. Clear? Any questions? Can it be more clear? You have to. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. Next item. If we Were to Live, We Had to Be Free of Anger. The Grouch and the Brainstorm were not for us. Well, I studied a big book with a guy, and sometimes he's a blessing. Dick S. Dick S., and I put his name on a tape because I know he's going to buy these tapes because I'm going to tell him to buy These Tapes because their name's on it. And when he hears this tape, we'll see how happy it is. Dick S., he's a good guy to study the big book with because he knows the big book. He's sober about six years. He's an alcoholic, drug addict, cocaine addict. And he's also an attorney, one of those JD guys, you know, Dr. George Prudence. He's also a CPA. And he has got to get like to the exact nature of everything. He's got to find exactly what that word means. So he said, what is a grouch and a brainstorm? I said, I don't know. I don' t know, Dick. You know, and he'll stop you in the middle of the big book. He said, What exactly does that mean? I don''t know. Leave me alone. Okay, so let me tell you. Everybody brings something special to the meeting. Dick found a dictionary from 1935. 1935, brings something specific. Something special to them. Because now we look up words in this 1935 dictionary. And he looked up grouch. He looked up, what does it say here? Did I flip the page? Grouch and a brainstorm. The grouch and a brainstorm were not for us. So he looked up grouch. You know what a grouch is? Know what it is? I don't know what it was. I thought I knew what it was. It's a grouper. I thought it was a mean angry old guy. A grouch in 1935 dictionary is a fit of anger. It's the fit of angry. You know where the brainstorm is? 1935 dictionary it's a fit of insanity. now i thought it was inspiration show you how crazy i am all right i used to believe that shit when it happened it's oh my i just got a brainstorming okay so what's bill saying if we were to live we had to be free of anger to grouch and a brainstormer not for us we couldn't have any fits of insanity we couldn'T throw some rages you know we couldn' t have fits of insanity fits of anger uh they may be the dubious luxury of normal men but alcoholics these things were poisoned. There it is. Pretty clear? Pretty clear. Got to get free of resentment, got to get freer of anger. Resentment breeds anger. Alright, we're going to get it on a list. Alright we turn back to the list. Here it is, here it is alright. Two places now you hear those people at meetings telling you every time they go out to speak they do the fourth step and the fifth step don't happen that way. We turn back to the list for it held the key to the future. We are prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We begin to see that the world and its people really dominated us. Alright? The dead guy's feeding cows and here he is. He's alive and well in my brain any time I wanted him. In that state, the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. The dead guide was going to get me. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away. Anybody got any ideas? How do you get past these resentances and anger? What's the problem? What'sthe solution? There's a spiritual solution to this. You've got to ask God for help. This was our course. We realized that people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended us, when a person offended us, when a person offended, we said to ourselves, fourth step prayer. This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God saved me from being angry. Thy will be done. Fourth step prayer. Fourth step prayer, we avoid retaliation or argument by praying for somebody. Now my sponsor told me that and I said, oh sure, no question. I'll start praying for him right away. No question. I'll just pray for them. My sponsor told me, my ex-wife, my ex wife, for a very good reason, was taking me through a lot of stuff. A lot of things. A lot a lot a stuff. And my sponsor said to me, he said, you've got to resent me. You've got a resentment. So of course I do. I hate the bitch. Of course I don't. You know? He said, well what are you going to do about it? I said, I can't kill her. Because she'd win. I'd like to, but she'd win. And he said, you've got to pray for her. I said, oh, sure. No, no question. I'll pray for it tonight. Do you want me to start tonight? I'll start tonight, Jack. You know, he said you've Got to pray for her, and you've got to wish for her everything that you'd have for yourself. Oh, sure, no questions. No, she's already got everything I've got. But he said you've GOT to pray for her and you have to wish that God would give her everything that you would have for yourself Sure, sure Now, I'll do that right away, Jack And I note to self, find new sponsor. And he said, just to make sure you do that, when you go home tonight, you go to page 552 in a big book and you read this because that's what you need to do. Now open it up and I find out that it's a woman's story. It's a women's story! He wants me to go home and read a woman story so that I can forgive the ex-wife for all the things that she did to me and all the things she's extracting from me for the rest of my life. I sit down, I read it because I told my sponsor I'd do what he told me and it says here in the second full paragraph on a page he said in effect if you have a resentment you want to be free of.