An Internal Rearrangement of the Mind— Fred L.

It starts with talking about sex. All right, later on when we do our work on the fourth step, we'll really work on this. But there are those of us that think that Bill Wilson played a joke on us and he wrote about sex on page 69. I'm going to tell you that that's not true. That's not truth because when he moved the doctor's opinion forward, okay, he moved everything in the book forward. So it just happened that it fell on page 59. So you can check it out by writing in that book. But we'll tell you this story about this little girl who is always told by Charlie and Joe, so they tell it like down south. This little girl went to her sponsor and she said, you know, I'm having problems with sex. She's in a program and she's doing what she's supposed to do so she brought her problems to her sponsors. And the sponsor said to her, well, darling, when you go home tonight, Bill Wilson wrote about sex on page 69 in the big book. So when you come home tonight you take out the big book and you read page 69. Well, this little girl was dyslexic. So when she got home tonight she said, oh my, what was that page I was supposed to read? Page 96, wasn't it? Now let's go to page 96 and we'll read what it says. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. you are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept what you have to offer. Next paragraph, suppose you're now making your second visit to a man. Third paragraph, he may be broken homeless. Let's stop there and take a break. Let's go to work. Got enough sugar, caffeine, all those other stimulants so we can tend to the big book. Let's go to the front of the book, Doctor's Opinion. Doctor's opinion, it's Roman numeral 13. Any book you got except the old original version. Doctor's opinion, first word, we. We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. We should have added that to the list last night when we were talking about what's in the book, all right? What's in a book is a plan of recovering, okay? Convincing testimony must, it's the first must in a Book of Alcoholic Anonymous, surely come from medical men who have had experience with the suffering of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well-known doctor, chief physician at the nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcohol and drug addiction gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter. That man, Dr. Silkworth, Silky, Silkey was his nickname that Bill Wilson gave him. A small man, probably somewhere just barely over five feet, piercing blue-gray steel eyes. You can almost see it in the picture, alright? Silky. And Dr. Silkworth wrote this letter, which Bill had asked for. Alright? And this is in a time before you had internet, fax machines and those kind of things and people wrote letters of introduction when they went from one place to another. Okay? So this is what it says. To whom it may concern, I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. years. In late 1934, I attended a patient who though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless." Remember what we read last night? Seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. He's telling you that kind of guy. In the course of his third treatment, he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery as part of his rehabilitation, as part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics impressing upon them that they must do likewise to still others. Well that's what came out of the Oxford group you know you got to pass it along. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship with these men and their families. This man and over 100 others appear to have recovered. Now you notice scientists never tell you that anything you know conclusively, they appear to have recovered. I personally know scores of cases who were of the type with whom other methods had failed completely. These facts appear to be of extreme medical importance because of the extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group. They mark, they may mark a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations. You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves." Alright, now you can imagine for a doctor to go on the line right here and say this, you know he's saying these men may way help me well have a remedy, excuse me, for thousands of such situations. He's putting other doctors out of work, you know, potentially. So he's not going to say, he's not going sign this thing. All right? For the doctor, for Bill Wilson, to have this doctor saying you may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves, that's a real credit to Bill Wilson. The physician who at our request gave us this letter, now this is Bill talking again, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this statement, he confirms what we who have suffered the alcoholic torture must, there's another one, believe. That the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. But we know that the main problem with the alcoholic centers in his mind It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life that we were in full flight from reality or were outright mental defective These things were true to some extent, in fact to a considerable extent with some of us, but we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief any picture of the alcoholic who leaves out his physical factor is incomplete. The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen our opinion as to its soundness may of course mean little but as ex-problem drinkers we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account. Well, what's the doctor's opinion? The doctor's Opinion is that we have an obsession of the mind coupled with an allergy to body and once you give in to the obsession of mind, you kick off the allergy to the body by taking a drink. The allergy manifests itself in a craving for more. Okay? That's the Doctor's Theory. Well, if you've ever done that, you can say, That's how it works. And that's what he's telling you. Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic thing. Now, we're beyond human age, so only God can help us, so it's a spiritual solution. Altruistic means in order to enlarge and perfect your spiritual life, you've got to work with others. That's altruism. We favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is still very jittery or befogged. Mocus. Mocus is a word old-timers remember. Mocus! I remember asking my sponsor, what's mocus? He said, you are. You're mocus. All right? That's that state that newcomers are in, where they're like here, but they're not here. You know? That's mocus, okay? It says, more often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached. Why? The main problem with the alcoholic center is in the mind. Now, how long is that going to take? That depends. What have you been doing to your brain lately? as he has then better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer. Back to the doctor. The subject presented in this book seems to me of paramount importance to those afflicted with an alcoholic addiction. I say this after years of experience as medical director at one of the most hospitals, blah, blah. And down through that page over to the next page. All nice stuff, but we don't have time to read it word for word. Let's go over to our next page, second paragraph. That's Roman numeral 26. We believe, we believe and so suggested a few years ago the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Now the doctor is stating the obvious. Obviously the average temperature drinker if he experienced craving would not be the average temperate drinker, all right? So if you can drink alcohol without experiencing the craving, you're not an alcoholic, all right? so we want a thumbnail diagnostic tool. Are you? Aren't you? You know when you drink do you want more? You don't when you drug do you want more. You got it. That's it. You're one, okay? Now he also says the phenomenon The phenomenon of craving. The phenomenon of craving means you can't explain it. We can't explains it. Just because we can't explained it, does that mean it doesn't occur? Not in my life. Not in My Life. You know? Not in MY Life. It occurs. Okay? Now actually if you watch Bill Moyers, if you watched that show that was on TV, they can show it to you. They can show it to ya. If you watch the guy doing a brain scan on him and he sees the electrical activity going on in the brain, cause when they were putting him through this CAT scan and they had his head in a CAT scan. They were showing them on a video, they were showing him people you know cutting up the dope and you know and it was salivating. It was like going mentally salivate and it had all this red electric activity in his brain. So it's there. It's there you know. You know we call it urgent and craving so it's there. We can see it but why is it occurring? We don't know you know we're off with something going on here okay. So the phenomenon of cravings. These allergic types can never, listen to me, these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Okay? I'm going to suggest you that safely using alcohol means without any risk. Safely means without any risk, okay? So suppose you take a pill that is like alcohol, works on the same section of your brain, central nervous system, but it's not liquid. Well the book says these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Can we ask questions about that? I mean is that pretty clear? Okay down the bottom of the page, down the bottom of a page and I'm not telling you, I'm not telling that what we're skipping isn't important. I'm telling we only got so much time to do this. If you want to come to our remedial Big Book meeting. We have a remedial big book meeting, Pat and I. But we have it in our house. And we have, it's remedial because we get a lot of people that have been around the program and didn't learn the big book so we call it remedial big book. You know? We'll take you through page by page but we don't have time to do that right now. When you go down a page a little bit, next paragraph it says frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. I love that. I love it. Frothy. You know, I think of like whiskey sours and things like that, you know. Frosty emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. Now, I know even in the fog that I was living in, when people started telling me the truth, I knew it was the truth. I knew that. I didn't quite understand it, but I knew this guy's got something. This guy's Got Something, you now? So, and in my case, you know, it was Pat, my wife, that was starting to give me these little messages, you know, because she was already sober. And not my wife at the time, but she was giving me these messages. And they would come through. They would come true, you know, like the strobe light, you know. Now, the only one I know about is, and you probably got them around here, but I know about one on a radio tower on Route 1 when you're heading towards the airport. and it's a great big radio tower and it warns planes that the tower is there and as you're driving down Route 1 it sends this thing of light and that's the way these messages used to come through to me and immediately all your defenses, all that insanity would kick in and you'd start to try and cover it up but every once in a while somebody gets you and you hear it and it would come through So that's why frothy emotional appeal doesn't. But people would say, the reason you're in trouble is because you drink so much. And you cover it up. You cover it off. Well, the only reason I drink so mucho is because I'm married to this bitch. And you know what? The bitch threw me out. And then I'd say, the only reasons you have these problems is because, you know, I got this guy for a partner. And my partner just owned me. And thenI had to end up realizing at what they were telling me to begin with, which was true. Down the bottom of the page. Men and women. Men and men. How simple is this? But how profound is this. Men and Women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. Right? You know, I drink because my father's an alcoholic. I drink because the dog died. It's a holiday. Holy day. Any day. Every day. All day. You know? Men and Women drink essentially because they like the effect of this bath bomb. Well, let me figure it out. You know, I can wait about 10, 15 years until I grow up and mature and actually be a person of quality and substance or I can drink a half bottle of Jack Daniels and feel like a person of quality in about six minutes. You know? And I asked a guy one time, he said, you know, you love crack, you sweet talker, you love track. I said, why would I love crack? He said, it's instantly orgasmic. I said yeah, I probably wouldn't love crack. You know alright? So, why do we like the effect produced by the drug? Okay. Do I like the drug, no. Do I lik what it cost me, no, but I like that effect. I want that feeling, okay. The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate true from false. Is this true? That's right and it's 1935. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. All right. Listen to him. Bill writes, he uses couplings of three words and they're powerful. Powerful. They are restless, irritable, and discontented until they again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Now I call it smooth. Smooth. You get a couple of drinks in me and I get smooth. You know that feeling? I'll handle this. You know? You're in a bar and people start arguing and you say, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it, honey. I got it. You know, smooth. Alright? That sense of ease and comfort, that's my term, smooth, which comes at first. Now think about it. Restless, irritable, discontented, ease and comfort. Your choice. You've got about three minutes separating the effect. Which one do you want? Okay? Let me suggest to you, go back to page 130 in the back of the book. Back of the book. Sorry, what is it? 133? Yeah, 133. 133, the top of the page. It says, we are sure, sure, we are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We are sure. It does not say we think that maybe God wants us to Be Happy, Joyous, And Free. You know, we read in National Enquirer there's a rumor going around that God may just want us to be happy, joyous, and free. You know? It says we are sure God wants us to happy, joyful, and great. Now how are we sure that God wants to be happily, joyful and free? Well, we say a prayer. Prayer says our Father. I'm a father. What do I want for my son? I want him to be happier, joyful ,and free. Well if I can want that as a mere mortal human being what must God want from me? At least. At least happy, joys, and freedom. at least. Okay? So here I am in a doctor's opinion that says, I'm restless, irritable, discontented, but here I am on page 133, happy, joyous, and free. Now my suggestion to you is what happens between those pages is the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You do those pages right there and you can go from restless, irritable discontent to happy, joyful, and free any time you want. It's the program of recovery contained in the book AlcoholicsAnonymous. But you see, there's a difficult thing for alcoholics and drug addicts? You have to follow the direction. That's the tough part. Let's read a little farther. After they succumb to the desire again, as so many do, the phenomenon of craving develops. They pass through well-known stages of a spree, emerging amorphous with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire listen to me, an entire how much? A hundred percent And psychic, psychic, 1-800-PSYCHIC. What are they talking about? What are They talking about in your mind? All right? A psychic change, an entire psychic change. There is very little hope. There is Very Little Hope as a recovery. Very Little Hopes. Good alcoholic drug addict says, Very Little, that means there's some. I'll risk it. I'll Risk It. All right. What man's telling you, unless you've got 100% change and the way you think is the main problem the alcoholic center is in his mind there's very little chance you're going to make this recovery it's not going to happen if Bill tells you something he thinks is important he tells you three times on the other hand strange as this may seem to those who do not understand once a psychic change number two number two once a psychic change has occurred how do you know if it's occurred here's how you know the very same person who seemed doomed who had so many problems who despaired Despair. Is despair another word for depression? You know people that get depressed, right? The very person, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules like are contained in this book. Second time, same page. Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal, Doctor, I cannot go on like this. I have everything to live for. I must stop, but I cannot. You must help me. Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. It's another reason why Dr. Silkworth then signed the book. Doctors are never inadequate. They're God-like creatures that roam the world saving people. Doctors never feel inadequate. Although He gives all that is in Him, it often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential number three, psychic change. So, what did we tell you in the beginning? That this book is going to bring you to a point where if you do what's in the book, then this power that you get in touch with via the book is gonna solve your problem. That's what we told you last night. Three times, same page. How important is this change? Pretty important. three times, that's three, three times same page. Through the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have little impression upon the problem as a whole. Uh-oh, another reason why you didn't sign it. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach. Alright, I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control. In other words, willpower has got nothing to do with it. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were drinking to escape. They were not drinking to escaped. They were drinking overcome a craving beyond their mental control. All right? You don't have to sell me. You know, that's where my house, the car, the kid, the business, the two businesses, the two doors went. Right there. You don'T have to SELL ME. Okay? And it goes on on this page to tell you five types of alcoholics, which I suggest you read some other time. Some other time down at the bottom of the page next to the last paragraph. All these and many others have one symptom in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar permanently eradicated. The only relief, the only relief we have to suggest is entire, another word which means 100% abstinence. 100% absinence, okay? Next page, top of the next page. What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this question by relating one of my experiences. About one year prior to this experience, a man was brought in to be treated from chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage. Gastric hemorhage is the result of his alcoholism, alcohol has properties, alcohol as a chemical has properties that irritates and inflames and it dissolves. Alright, about one year before this guy came in with gastric hemorrhoids, seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. Oh, that about does it right there. He had lost everything worthwhile in life and was only living, one might say, to drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope, hopeless state of mind and body. Following the elimination of alcohol, detox, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. Thank you, Jesus. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. I talked with him for some time but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol. What happened? What happened to the man? Changed. Okay, bottom of the page. His alcoholic problem was so complex, another case, his alcoholic problem was so complete and his depression so great that he felt only hope, he felt his only hope would be through what we then called moral psychology. And we doubted if that would have any effect. However, he did become sold on the ideas contained in this book. Now wait a minute, You tell me the stuff that's in this book can help you with your depression? I told you last night, depression occurs from the beginning of sobriety. Well, you get depressed. You separate it from your friend. If you don't do the work in a book, you'll get more depressed. Okay? However, he did become sold on the ideas contained in this books. He has not had a drink for a great many years. I see him now and then, and he is a fine specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet. I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book, Doctor's Opinion. And if you have to, and it tells you on our chart right now. Okay? It tells you in the chart that we gave you. Doctor's opinion. Doctor's Opinion. Statement of the problem. Statement Of The Problem. Alright? I'm powerless over alcohol. I'm powerless over alcohol, there it is, Doctor's opinion Why are you powerless over Alcohol? Because you're an allergic type. You're an Allergic Type because you've got this obsession of the mind that tells you you can drink, that this time will be different, that subtle insanity, blah, blah ,blah . . . As soon as you pick up the drink, As soon as you pick up the drink, you put it in your body, you set off the craving. The craving tells you you've got to have more and more and More. You can't satisfy it. That's why you're powerless. My life is unmanageable. Not my wife. You guys take it easy now. My life is un manageable. Okay? That's Bill's story. We're coming up with that part right now. That's our problem. We've got the first part of the problem down. Okay? We're Coming Up With Bill's Story. Let's go to Bill's Storey. Bill's story, and we'll read some of it. He's writing this in 1937 or so. So when he's talking about war fever, he's talking about the First World War, okay? Which Bill was in. He was a lieutenant in artillery in the First World War. The war fever ran high in a New England town to which we knew young officers from Plattsburgh were assigned. And we were flattered when the first citizens took us to their homes, making us feel heroic. Here was love, applause, war, moments sublime with intervals hilarious. I was part of life at last and in the midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. I forgot the strong warnings and prejudice of my people concerning drink. In time we sailed for over there and I was lonely and again turned to alcohol. All right you can see it's starting to shape up in his life. We landed in England. I visited Winchester Cathedral. Much moved, I wandered outside. My attention was drawn to a doggerel on an old tombstone, one of those brass plaques. Here lies a Hampshire grenadier. He caught his death drinking cold, small beer. A good soldier is near forgot whether he die by musket or by pie. Now the guy's name on that was Thomas Thatcher. Thomas Thatchter. And several years later a guy named Ebi Thatcher, Ebi Thacher would come to into Bill's life. Ebi thatcher I don't know where he got the name Ebi but his name is Edwin Throckmorton Thatcher. But two guys named Thatcher played an important part in Bill's like and this is a dead man dead man's tomb. Bill says an ominous warning which I failed to heed. Now he's 22 years old he comes home from the war and you You go over to the top of page 21. He says, I took a night course in law. All right, one might think he's a lawyer therefore. Well, that's not true. That's not truth. He said he took a Night Course in Law. In fact, there's evidence that Bill never went back to the school and took the final exam. In fact he never picked up the certificate that he earned because he was drunk that night. The drive for success was on. I proved to the world I was important. My work took me about Wall Street And little by little, I became interested in the market. Many people lost money, but some became very rich. Selective perception. All right, you see, you only let in those things that already agree with what you believe. So many people lost Money, but Some Became Very Rich. Why not? I studied economics and business as well as law. Potential alcoholic that I was, I nearly failed my law course. At one of the finals, I was too drunk to think or write. Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it disturbed my wife. Now listen to this rationalization and justification. We had long talks when I would still her foreboding by telling her that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk. That the most majestic constructions of philosophical thought were so derived. Now, Bill was a fan of Henry Ford. And Henry Ford had an alcohol problem. And that's for sure who Bill was talking about. Okay? Let's go over to the next page. Top of the next stage. Our friends thought a lunacy commission ought to be appointed. Perhaps they were right. I had some success at speculation. That's what we told you last night. It was a speculator. So we had little money. So we have little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. That was the last honest manual labor on my part for many a day. Now, Bill was going to Wall Street, and at that time on Wall Street you depended on the information that was sent to you by the company that you were invested in, if you got any information at all. At that time of Wall Street there was a little ticker tape machine that was like a henpecker, and it would peck out in kind of a braille type abbreviation on a long strip of paper. it was called a ticker tape, and a tickers would tell you what your stock was worth at that moment in time. Now we see it on CNN, it's going across Bloomberg Network, any place you look. You can see it up on Times Square, and you can see Merrill Lynch has it up there. You can call in, you get an 800 number and find out what your mutual fund is doing. But at this point in time Bill came up with a great idea. He said if I can go out and visit all these companies I'll be able to sell the information that I see from these companies to Wall Street investors and they'll know firsthand what's going on in those companies. And Bill so conceived of a thing called the Annual Report that major corporations published today. That tells you how well they're doing. But Bill set off on a motorcycle with his wife to go out and do this, and a motorcycle and a pup tent and Lois and it was a Harley-Davidson. That's for those people, that's what a The Harley chapters call it, you know, what do they call it? Fifth chapter, you now. Okay, so that was the last harness manual labor. So he's out and running around the country doing this. For the next few years, Fortune, and he was right. He would feedback information and people liked that and they were starting to make money on it. So for the next two years, Fortune threw money and applause my way. I had arrived. My judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper millions. The great boom in the late 20s was seeding and swelling. Drink was taking an important and exhilarating part of my life. There was loud talking at jazz places uptown, everybody spent in thousands but chattered in millions. Scoffers could scoff and be damned. I made a host of fair-weather friends. My drinking assumed more serious proportions, continuing all day and almost every night. The remonstrances of my friends terminated in a row and I became a lone wolf. I don't know if you identify with that, but I certainly do. You know, I got this rainbow mentality back in my head and that's part of my subtle insanity that says, you know, I'm all I got but I'm old. I'm what I need, you now. So there were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment. There had been no real infidelity for loyalty to my wife, help that at times by extreme drunkenness kept me out of the street. In 1929, it's the only place in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that you find golf mentioned. All right? Just a little side point. In 1929, I contracted golf fever. We went at once to the country, my wife to applaud, while I started out to overtake Walter Hagen. Liquor caught up with me much faster than I came up behind old Walter Hagan. I began to be jittery in the morning and golf for a minute, drinking every day and every night. Next paragraph. Abruptly, in October 1929. Hell broke loose on the New York Stock Exchange. After one of those days of inferno, I wobbled from a hotel bar to the brokerage office. It was 8 o'clock, five hours after the market had closed. Better late than never. The ticker still clattered. I was staring at an inch of tape which bore the inscription XYZ down 32 points. It had been 52 in the morning. I was finished and so were many of my friends. The papers reported that men were jumping to their deaths from the towers of high finance. This disgusted me. I would not jump. I went back to the bar. My friends had dropped several millions since 10 o'clock. So what? Tomorrow was another day. As I drank, the old fierce determination to win came back. Alcoholic determination. Next morning, I telephoned a friend in Montreal. He had plenty of money left, so I thought I'd better go to Canada. All right, alcoholic bailout. Next page. Liquor, next page. Page 5, first full paragraph. Liquor ceased to be a luxury. It became a necessity. Bathtub, gym, two bottles a day and often three got to be routine. Sometimes a small deal would net a few hundred dollars, and I would pay my bills at the bar and go to testing. Of course, right? Of course. What you're going to see in the next couple pages is you're gonna see the progression of alcoholism. It's laid right out there for you, all right? We say that Bill's story is gonna tell you about that second part of the step, second part or the step being your life is unmanageable, and here it is. What you gonna see in a next couple of pages, I'm gonna tell ya how it goes, and you try to follow it. You're gonna top of the page progression. You're going to see renewed hope followed by a want to control, followed by more progression, followed by that renewed determination, followed by top of the page on the next page you're going to see self-confidence starting to come back, more progression. You're gonna see the hangover feelings. You're gunna see despair and depression coming in, suicide thoughts. You're gona see determination come back. You're guanna see suicide getting to the temps. You're goanna see geographical cures and then you're gonna talk at the end about Bill's renewed drinking and drugging. So let's start on page 5. It says, Liquor ceased to be a luxury. This is progression. It became a necessity. Daft-dub Jim, two bottles a day and often three got to be routine. Alright, sometimes a small deal would net a few hundred dollars. Renewed hope, mostly on Lois' part, certainly on Bill's. But you know she would say maybe it's going to happen. And we pay some of the bills then he'd take whatever money he made and he'd go out and pay the bills at the delicatessen in the liquor stores, in the bar. This went on endlessly and I began to wake Very early in the morning, shaken violently. Tumble full of gin, followed by a half dozen bottles of wine. A half dozen bottle of beer would be required if I were to eat my new breakfast. Nevertheless, I still thought I could control the situation. All right? Desire to control. Next paragraph. Gradually things got worse. Progression. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder. My mother-in-law died. My father and wife, my wife and father-in law became ill. Then I got a promising renewed hope. Then I get a promising business opportunity. Stocks were at a low point in 1932. and I had somehow formed a group to buy. I was to share generously in the profits. Then I went on a prodigious bender, and the chance vanished. Progression. I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises, but my wife had happily observed that this time renewed hope. I meant business, and so I did. Determination. Shortly afterwards, I came home drunk. Progression There had been no fight. we had not, where had been my high resolve? I simply didn't know. It hadn't even come to mind. Someone pushed a drink my way and I took it. Next paragraph. Renewing my resolve. I tried again. I tried again. Some time passed. Confidence began. Renued hope. Confidence began to be replaced by cocksureness. I could laugh at the gin mills, you know. Ha ha! Y'all not going in there tonight. Ha Ha! You know. Now I had what it takes. One day I walked into a cafe to telephone, and in no time I was beating on a bar asking myself how it happened. As the whiskey rose to my head, I told myself I would manage better next time, but I might as well get good and drunk now. Remorse and horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. My brain raced uncontrollably, and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. You know that thought. You know that thought. You don't know what it is, but when it happens, it's going to be bad. All right? Down the bottom of that paragraph. Should I kill myself? No, not now. Then a mental fog settled down. Gin would fix that. So two bottles and oblivion. Determination returns. The mind and the body are marvelous mechanisms for mine endured this agony for two more years. Sometimes I stole from my wife's slender purse when a morning terror and madness were on me. Again, I swayed dizzily before an open window or the medicine cabinet where there was poison cursing myself as a weakling. All right, and then over to the next page. Next day found me drinking both gin and sedatives. This combination soon landed me on the rocks. People feared for my insanity, so did I. I could eat little or nothing when drinking as I was 40 pounds underweight. alright and it goes on to tell you what happened to him in the next couple of paragraphs but let's go down to the second paragraph, second full paragraph it says I realized it relieved me somewhat to learn that an alcoholic the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor though it often remains strong in other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of desperate desire to stop was explained understanding myself now I fared forth in high hope. For three or four months the goose hung high, I went to town regularly and even made a little money. Surely this was the answer self-knowledge." All right like we said before this is the man the woman that tells you well I know what I understand I know what my problem is all right but it was not for the frightful day came when I drank once more the curve of my declining moral and bodily health fell off like a ski jump. Let's go to the next page. Next page, first full paragraph, page 8. No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master. Bill just took the first step, right? Alcohol was my master. Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity that subtle insanity, okay, of that first drink and an armistice day of 1934 I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is just before the dawn. In reality that was the beginning of my last about and it's right about now. November 7th, 19 whatever it was 1934 okay now known as Veterans Day all right I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of my existence I was to know a happiness of peace and a usefulness in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes if you don't feel that way about Alcoholics Anonymous you're probably not doing the work that's in the book I certainly feel that I know our happiness with peace and usefulness that I never thought I would know and as long as I stay in the program, the better it gets. And I suggest to you, if you want what I got, do the work that's in the book. Near the end of that bleak November, I sat drinking in my kitchen with a certain satisfaction. I reflected that there was enough gin concealed about the house to carry me through that night and the next day. My wife was at work. Listen to me. My wife wasn't at work I wondered whether I dared hide a full bottle of gin near the head of the bed. Alright? Because I would need it before daylight. My musing was interrupted by the telephone Ebby Thatcher is calling. Okay, Ebby Thatcher. Ebby Thecher is the guy who Bill, who was saved by Roland Hazard and Ebby Thischer right there. Bill Wilson, Ebmy Thatcher. Ebby Dasher is the man that was saved by Roland Hazzard that I told you about last night and Ebmy was now in the Oxford group so in the Oxford group he had to go recruit somebody, evangelize and get somebody in so when he thought who do I know that's worse than me He thought of Bill Wilson. So he called him up, okay? My musing was interrupted by the telephone. And what does it say? It says, The cheery voice of my old school friend asked if he might come over. He was sober. It was years since I can remember his coming to New York in that condition. I was amazed. Rumor had it that he had been committed for alcoholic insanity. I wondered how he had escaped. Now, it never crossed Bill's mind that he might have gotten better, you know? Okay, I wondered how he escaped. Okay, next paragraph. The door opened and he stood there fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened? I pushed a drink across the table and he refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself. Come on, what's this all about? I queried. He looked straight at me Simply but smilingly, he said, I've got religion. I was like, yes, so that's it. Last summer, an alcoholic crackpot. Now I suspected a little cracked about religion. He had starry-eyed look. Yes, the old boy was on fire all right, but bless his heart and let him rant. Besides, my gin would last longer than his preaching. But he did no ranting. In a matter-of-fact way, he told how two men had appeared in court persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. This is the hand of God we're talking about. So, the simple religious idea and a practical program of action. Alright? The six steps for the Oxford group. There were six steps. That was two months ago and the result was self-evident. Next page. Alright, he came to pass it along to me if I cared to have it. Top of the next page. I was shocked but interested. Certainly I was interested. that I had to be, for I was hopeless. He talked for hours. Childhood memories danced before me. Let's go down to the same page, the third paragraph. I had always believed in a power greater than myself. I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist, for few people really are. For that means blind faith and a strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere. My intellectual heroes and chemists, the chemists and the astronomers, Even the evolutionists suggested vast laws and forces at work. Despite contrary indications, I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and rhythm underlay all. I simply had to believe in the spirit of the universe who knew neither time nor limitation. Let's go to the next page. Next page, page 11. Third paragraph. But my friend sat before me and he made the point-blank decoration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Complete, 100%. No reservation, no holding back. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead. suddenly taken from the scrap heap to the level of life better than the best he had ever known. Next page, page 12, paragraph 1. But we got this problem in our mind. It tells you on page 29, main problem in the alcoholic center is in his mind. So we resist the input, even in the information that's sitting in front of us. So Bill says here at the top of the page, despite the living example of my friend, there remained in me the vestiges of old prejudices. I'd still arouse a certain antipathy. Now Bill's grandfather instilled this in him because he distrusted those itinerant speakers that would travel up through Vermont, kind of like the medicine man type of thing that they used to do. So Bill had a distrust for organized religion. And I looked up the word prejudice just to find out how Bill's using it because he uses it a lot in the book. And it says here that a prejudice is a judgment or opinion formed before the facts are known. That sounds like an alcoholic, doesn't it? You know, you start talking about something, what do they say? I know. No, I know, I don't. No, no, I no, no. Okay, that's what Bill said. Alright, you've got this prejudice. Same page, page 12, second paragraph. My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, why don't you choose your own conception of God? This statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered for many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Nothing more was required to make my beginning. How easy can this get? All you've got to do is become willing. You don't have to actually do it. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness, I might build what I saw in my friend. Complete. 100%. Right? Upon a foundation of complete willingness. That's without reservation. Well, I'll do those things, but I ain't taking that step. Not with her. Upon a Foundation of Complete Willingness, I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would. Thus I was convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw and I felt and I believed. Scales of prejudice and pride fell from my eyes. A new world came into view. The real significance of my experience in the cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me, and He came. Next page. Next page! Now you go to those meetings. You go to Those Meetings. I know you go To Those MeetINGS. I know You go To those MeetINGS, and they tell you at Those MeetINGs, They tell you, you don't have to work the steps right away. Take your time. You'll know when it's time. This kills more people than any other piece of advice given to alcoholic synopsis. You'll known when it is time to do the fourth step. You'll now when it time. Of course you might die in between but you'll know what it's like, okay? We're going to show you a number of places in the book where it tells you, you don' t know when its time. First of all, it tells on page 29, main problem with the alcohol is centers in his mind. You're trusting a sick mind to tell you when it's time to do the next thing you've got to do to get better while you're still sick. Think about it. Here's Bill. He's going to be lying in a hospital bed. He takes about nine, ten of the steps lying in the hospital bed in detox. In detox. Alright, here we go. At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise for I showed signs of delirium tremens. There I humbly offered myself to God as I understood Him. What step? Step three. To do with me as he would, I placed myself unreservedly 100% under his care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing, that without him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my newfound friend, capital F, God, take them away root and branch. Step 4. Step 7. My schoolmate visited me and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. Step 5. We made a list of the people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, omitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to write all such matters to the utmost of my ability. Steps 8 and 9. Lying in a bed in a hospital. I was test my thinking by my new God consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. Step 10. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my request bore upon my usefulness to others. Then, only might I expect to receive, but that would be in great measure. Step 11. So what do we got? About nine steps. Guy's lying in detox. Detox! We've got people telling you you'll know when it's time. Don't worry about it. We've Got People Killing People with advice where they tell them, you take a step a year. A step a year? Whoa! Come on, man. You know, I got 12 cuts on me. I'm bleeding to death from all 12 cuts, but we'll bandage one every couple of months. Don't worry about it. Alright? We've got people killing people in this program. Down the bottom of the page. My friend small f, small f friend, Ebby. My friends promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all. See it? Small word, big message. All. All. My province. All. Some. Say some. How do you spell some? A-L-L. It says all. I wouldhave the elements of awayofliving which answered all. My province." We've got people going to so many damn meetings. I said to Pat, we know this lady's going to about eight different self-help groups. I said, what happens once you get your province? Let's call a board meeting, get all our sponsors together. You know? How do you, how do you... You know, what do you do? How do I have more than one sponsor? How do we have more, more than once? How do one sponsor do that? Yeah, why do we do that?" I know why we do it. I know I would do it, I never did it, but I know why I would to it. See if I got more than 1 sponsor, I can call up all my sponsors until I find one that agrees with what I already think and then I can say when people say, did you talk to your sponsor about it? I did. What'd he tell you? He told you what I've already thought. Now what we don't tell people is I called the other 7 and they told me exactly the opposite. But we don't have to tell them that, so it's good to have eight sponsors, you know? This book says this program will work on all my problems if I've got the original problem to begin with. My original problem is the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. That's what it said. You remember where it said that? Beginning of the book, page 13. Roman numeral 13. All right? Roman numerel 13. Some of you folks weren't here last night, so let's do it again. It says, We have Alcoholics Anonymous on more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. So are we recovering or are we recovered? It doesn't matter. You're recovering from your addiction, you're recovered from a seamlessly hopeless state of mind about it if you're doing the work contained in the book. So Bill says, if I've got that problem, this program should work on all my problems. And I've gotta tell you there hasn't been a thing that I brought to Alcoholics Anonymous and people that sponsored me to people I trust in this program that haven't gotten help with. You can do that. Okay? Let's go to the next page. Next page, page 14, second paragraph. Here's what happened to Bill in the hospital. These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory followed by such a peace and serenity as I have never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up as though the great clean wind of a mountaintop blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but his impact on me was sudden and profound. Down to the fifth paragraph. While I lay in the hospital, the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given to me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They, in turn, might work with others. My friend, Evie, had emphasized the absolute necessity, essential to recovery, the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs and particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Alcoholics Anonymous going from a we program to an I program. If we don't turn it around, we're going to lose our program. It's imperative to works with others if you work with me." Faith without works was dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. for if an alcoholic failed to enlarge and perfect his spiritual life, how do you do that, Fred? Through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. Next paragraph. My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate for old business associates to remain skeptical for a year and a half, during which time I found little work. I was not too well off at the time and plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. I had depression. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day as it did in Akron, the fruit of which was we created this whole damn problem. Whole damn process, not program. Next page. Page 16. Page 16, first full paragraph. An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. Our struggles with them are variously strenuous, comic and tragic. One poor chap committed suicide in my home. He could not or would not see our way of life. There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is a deadly earnestness. Faith has to work 24 hours a day in and through us or we perish. Most of us feel we need to look no further for utopia. We have found it with us right here and now. Each day, my friend, simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Next paragraph, or next chapter. Next chapter is, we're starting to get into the solution. All right? We're starting to get into the solution. Now, Bill Wilson, knowing that he's talking to alcoholics and drug addicts and figuring that maybe those alcoholics and drug addicts wouldn't know that they're starting to get in to the solution in this part of the book. So what Bill does is he titled the chapter There Is A Solution. All right. Got to make it easy for you. And it says, top of the page on page 17 We of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem. We are average Americans, all sections of this country, many of its occupations. Now you know when this book is being written, Bill Wilson's trying to write this book so that any place it goes, people can pick it up without the help of the program, without a meeting on every corner, you know, without 90 meetings in 90 days because there weren't 90 meetings in the whole world, people are going to be able to pick it and start to recover and start to spread the word. So that's why he's talking about it. This program fits everybody. It goes on to say, We are people who would not mix, but there exists among us a fellowship of friendliness and an understanding which is incredibly wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner at a moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness, and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to captain's table. Down at the bottom of the page, 17, the third paragraph, The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and upon which we kan join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. Next page, top of page 18. An illness of this sort, and we have come to believe it an illness, involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer, all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt, but not so with the alcoholic illness. For with it there goes annihilation of all the things worthwhile in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferers. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list. And if you haven't experienced those things, then probably you're in the wrong place. You know, if you want a way to diagnose whether or not you've got this problem, have you experienced those things? You know? This is a diagnostic tool. All right? We've read most of what's on that page, so we're going to jump to another page. Next page, 19. Now, you know those people. You've heard them speak at meetings. You hear them. I know you hear them, but you know what we've got here? My friend Milt Lewis from Cleveland talks about the big book. He said the big buck is a bullshit sifter. All right, and I'm going to ask you, I'm gonna ask you as you go around to your meetings to just envision what old Miltie's talking about. He says, what you do is you take the local bullshit that you hear in meetings and you run it through the big book and see if it holds water because I'm not telling you what you're hearing at meetings doesn't come from the big buck, all right? So you heard people at meetings say, well, just stop drinking. Just stop drinking, you know. At least I didn't drink today. We have a friend named Cody who talks about this axe murder Axe murder. He chopped up his whole family and mailed their parts or their body parts all over the country to the rest of the family. And he went to a meeting that night and he told his sponsor, because that's what you're supposed to do. You've got to tell your sponsor when you do things. And his sponsor said to him, but did you drink? And he said, well no, at least I didn't drink today. Well, now we've got something to work with. Okay? So, page 19, it says, none of us makes a whole sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. Okay? If you go to page 122 Bill tells you something that's important. He tells you at least twice, at least three times. Go to page 124. Page 122. Page 124 in the third paragraph. Third paragraph. He tells You cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained abnormal condition cessation of drinking alright second time just the beginning just the beginning ok we got more we got more we'll tell you later on there's twice so you know it's starting to be good page 19 go to third paragraph it tells you what Bill's starting to get into now why they published this book we have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience, knowledge, and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem. Let's go to the next page. Top of the page on page 20. Our buried lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may be of help. You may have already asked yourself, why is it that all of us have become so very ill from drinking? Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why in a face of expert opinion. To the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking yourself what do I have to do? Well here it is. The purpose of the book. It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we've done before going into a detailed discussion of maybe something that goes on. Down at the bottom of the page. Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have a good reason for it. They can take it or leave it. Then we have a certain type of hard drinker who may have to have it badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason, such as ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention. Next paragraph. But what about the real alcoholist? He may start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage of his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink because the phenomenon of craving kicks in. All right, and Bill goes on to tell you for about a page and a half what that is like. In essence, what he's telling you is if you start to drink and you cannot guarantee your behavior once you start to drink, you're probably an alcoholic. That's it. All right? I'll save you that whole page. If you can't guarantee your behaviour once you drink, you're Probably an Alcoholic. Let's jump to page 23. Page 23. Page 23, it says, Therefore the main problem with the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on the last bender, or the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes those excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of a man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off or become irritated and refuse to talk. Once in a while, they tell the truth, And the truth stands to say is usually that he has no more idea why he took this first drink than you have. That's because that subtle insanity creeps in. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time, but in their hearts, they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. All right? Now we were down in Atlantic City last week and I suffered from that obsession. it concerned Donald Trump and it occurred to me that the reason they build those big buildings is that there are a lot of people down here suffering from that same obsession so I made a contribution to old Donald but they often suspect they are not down for the count next page next page page 24 italics the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness the sufficient force, the memory of suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the drink. So the solution does not lie in your mind. Bill's telling you this over and over again. It does not Lie in Your Mind. That's what he's setting you up for. All right, down at the bottom of the page. When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has hopelessly placed himself beyond human aid. Now, it doesn't exist in your mind. It doesn't exists in anybody else's mind. Alright? Any other humans? Now, if you're out there comborting around with other than human types, you've got some real problems. Alright? Where is the solution? It's a spiritual solution. That's why I'm telling you it's beyond human age. And unless locked up, they may die or go permanently insane. These dark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history, but for the grace of God there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations so many want to stop but cannot. Alright, here it is. Alright? Here it is! This is the solution. There is a solution. A. Article connoting one. There is a Solution. Almost none of us like the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for a successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we have been living it. Alright? It tells us in a book that, you know, when you hear this you've got to surrender. So that's what he's saying. Have you surrendered yet? Have you come to the point where you feel hopelessness and you see the futility of life as you were living it? If you have you might be ready. When therefore we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved. There was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven, more promises. We have been rocking into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this and nothing less that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences. Spiritual experiences. All right? So, spiritual experience revolutionized the whole attitude toward life and fellows in the world. So you've had it. Something's starting to go on. A great fact is just this, nothing less. We have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our attitude, our whole attitude, toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. Next paragraph. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible and if we had passed into the region from which there is not a way to get out of it, there is now return through human aid. We had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could. Or, what's the other one? To accept spiritual help. Well, let me see. You want to weigh this up? Being a good alcoholic, can I think about this? Can I call you back? Can I think About it? Let me see. Here it is. I can go on to the bitter end blotting out consciousness in my intolerable situation as best I can. Or, I can accept spiritual help. Well, can I Think About It? Can I Call You Back? Can I Get Back To You Next Week? Okay. This, this, this we did because we honestly wanted to. and we're willing to make a certain effort. All right? Let's go to, yeah, well, we want to talk about this. This is Roland Hazard. This is Ronald Hazard, we can do this. Roland HazARD, this is a story about Roland Hazард. All right, talking about this, and I'll tell you the story rather than read it. That's the story about Ronald Hazarded. Roland Hazarded's family had a lot of money so they sent him over to Austria, wherever that was, Switzerland, wherever Dr. Young, Carl Jung was, and they sent them over there and they said, you know, solve the problem. Just keep him, you Know. And Dr. Jung had him come and he lived in a castle with him, and he would treat them, and he'd take care of them. And as soon as he'd turn them loose to go back to America, all Roland would get drunk. And then they'd call him up and heíd go down to the village and heís pick them up and heíll bring them back to the castle and heít treat them and he, you know, heíd get ready another year ago buying the checks kept coming in from America and Dr. Young would treat him and heíd get them back to that point and heída say, ìOkay, Roland, youíre ready to goî and he let them go and heád go to the train station and heáíd get drunk and Dr., we all go down to the station and pick them up, bring him back to the castle, treat him and all the checks would come in from America and year after year it would go on and on and off. And finally at one point, Dr. Young said he said and there it is on page 26 in the third paragraph he begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth and he got it. Rolling, rolling this is. Alright? Okay? He begged the Doctor. He said, Doctor, Doctor Alright? He begged The Doctor to tell Him the whole truth and he Got it. And the Doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless. He could never regain his position in society. And he had to place himself under lock and key and hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was the great physician's opinion. But this man still lives and is a free man. He does not need a body guard nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on earth where other free men may go without disaster provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude. Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation that our friend had with the doctor. The doctor said, this is Dr. Young now, he's telling Roland, the doctor said you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where that state of mind existed in the extent that it does in you. Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed with a clang behind him. That's a seemingly hopeless state of Mind and Body. You've got a premier psychiatrist in the world telling you, you ain't got it, you ainít never going to get it, it ain't happening. And what does a good alcoholic say? What does a Good Alcoholic say? He said to the doctor, Is there no exception? You know? And the doctor said, Yes, there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early time. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me, these occurrences are phenomena. they appear to be in a nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them. In fact, I've been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals, the methods which I employed are successful but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description. Now, you remember last night we were playing with those dots and I told you that you state the problem, you should be able to solve the problem? And you couldn't solve the problema when I toldyou the problem. When I toldyou what the answer was to the problem and Itoldyou the solution, youcouldn't solvethe problem. What was missing was the programofaction needed to take the solution and apply it to theproblem. So what Dr. Silkworth had, what old Silky had, was he had the problemhe knew the problemd. Dr. Young knew the problem. Dr. Silkworth didn't know the solution, but Ebi Thatcher brought the solution to Bill. But Dr. Jung knew the solution. He knew the Solution. He just told you in a paragraph, this is the Slusion. But he couldn't bring it about because he didn't note a program of action necessary to bring it abound. Okay? When Bill and Bob... You know what I tell you last night, I tell all the time, the hand of God's in here saying, no, no,no, no. Ain't no doctor getting his hands on it. I'm giving this to two drunks. I'm givin' this to 2 drunks because I want those two drunks to keep helping other drunks. So, I ain't letting the doctor get this. The doctor got close. He got close, he figured it out, he got real close and he told him exactly what he had to have happen but he couldn't quite get it to happen. Okay? I want to talk about this little paragraph here on page 27 in paragraph 4. I want you to talk abut that. I want us to talk a bit about it. Alright? Here's what has to happen... This is Dr. Young describing the change. Now we talked about change. Change is necessary. It's essential to recovery. So what is this change? Here's one of the best, most scientific explanations from a highly regarded psychiatrist telling you exactly what has to happen. He tells you that they're phenomenal. You can't really explain it. Why? Because it's beyond human comprehension. It's the power of God. It's grace of God, he tells you in that paragraph there. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. okay now if my change my change that's going on inside me is in a nature of a huge emotional displacement and rearrangement how am I going to be how am i going to act what's my personality going to like am i up one minute down another am i terminally depressed am i going off the deep end running trying to fix everything getting 800 jobs working 4000 hours a week you know how ami going to be the next day i'll be sitting in my room crying You know, it's huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. You're going to be able to depend on your emotions. You're gonna be able depend on you mind to give you good impact, to give a good input. You're gona be able figure out solutions. You're know exactly what to do. Think about it. Could you when you're in the process of huge emotional displacement and rearrangement? No. You need a sponsor that's been through it. You need somebody to tell you. Don't worry about it, don't worry. I went through this too. You know. It'll end. It'll End. I just can't tell you when. and lend, okay? If you do the work necessary that you find in this book, it'll pass. It'll pass, if you've got the problem I've got, this solution will work for you, alright? Just keep doing what you're doing, I'll help you, I'll hope you, okay. He also tells you ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. You know, I had a sponsor, I had my sponsor Jack told me I was talking about this old lady one night in a meeting. I don't remember her name. Do you remember her named? I don' t remember her names, but I was talking about her one night at the meeting. She was a pain in the ass. She had like three glasses of sherry and then she went, hey, hey. I was like, what? What? So I was talking about it one night of the meeting while she wasn't there. So next Monday night my sponsor Jack says, you've got to go apologize to so-and-so. For what? He said, well, you were talking about all that shit. I said, but she wasn't here. He said, it doesn't matter. What do you mean it doesn' t matter? She didn' t hear me. He said you talked about it. You got to go apologize. All right. So I go, excuse me. She had to apologize to you because Jack told me I was talking about you last week. So I'm here to apologize. Now I've got to walk away. And she says, well, what did you say? Oh, shit. What did I say? I said, well, if what happened to you would happen to me, you know, I'd still be drinking. That's what you think of me? That's not what you're thinking. That's just what I said last week. You asked me what I did last week, you know? Well, I want to tell you. I want you to know that I'm sober 22 years and I don't do those things anymore, you know, and I can't tell you that. I do do some of those things anyway, but I don' t do them as much as I used to. But I will tell you that the main reason I don't do it as much as I used to is I don' t like to apologize. I don''t like to go up to somebody and say I was really wrong when I did that. And somewhere or another, the electrolytes, whatever that is, the Electrolux in my head, it hooked up. And the thought came to me that if I have to apologize for everything I've done wrong, if I had to make amends for everything I've been doing wrong, that maybe if I don´t do anything like that anymore I don'T have to apologise. And that's what he's talking about here. This is how simple it is. You know, see, my value system said if she wasn't there, it didn't count. My sponsor says it counts because it affects you. You know? That's why it counts. So if you take the actions I tell you, then you'll stop doing the things you do that affect you. So that's what they're talking about. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces in the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side. And a completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them. You know. Things that come out of my head today, and I said, I don't believe I just said that. I don' t believe that. You know? I don''t believe Ijust did that. That's because a change has been made. Okay? So, Roland Hazard. And we're going to stop in a couple of minutes, but there's only a couple pages left of the chapter, so let's do that. And then we'll be on the third chapter when we get back from lunch. You got a decision yet? Do you have a decision? Okay. Okay, we'll tell you Pat's decision in a minute. After this short message from our sponsor. Okay, next page, top of the page, page 28, second paragraph. We in our turn sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men, which seemed at first a flimsy reed has proven to be loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us, or if you prefer, a design for living that really works. The distinguished American psychologist William James in his book Varieties of Religious Experiences indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. if what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all. It means that all of us, whatever our race, creed or color are the children of the living creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Thus having religious affiliations those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremony. There is no friction among us over such matters. Last paragraph. In the following chapter there appears an explanation of alcoholism as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many who once were in this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience. Further on, chapter 5 Clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. These are followed by 43 personal experiences. Now, this is the first edition, so that changed. Each individual, and this tells you what those stories are supposed to be about in the back, each individual in the personal stories describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. Now, why is that necessary? Because it's a spiritual solution to the problem. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing statements in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women desperately in need will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves when we believe, that it's only by full disclosing themselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. All right, let's go. So, let's go to work. Let's go to work, enough fellowship. Let's go to work. We're going to start off with a special announcement. If you have that red book or if you have an original manuscript and you turn to the first page, you will see on the first page of that manuscript that this first edition of the big book, the first draft was typed at 17 William Street in Newark, New Jersey. All right? And if you look over to our right, there's a display over there that is about the effort to save 17 William street. So I'm going to let Pat, my wife, second wife named Pat, talk about her special project that this was an inspiration that she got, and she's working on it. And here's an advertisement. Hi. My name is Pat, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Pat. I guess about two years ago I found an auction notice in the Star Ledger and listed on the properties was 17 William Street. and it caught my eye because we were reading Language of the Heart and A.A. Comes of Age at our group meeting and I realized that that probably might be the building where the big book was written and I researched it and found out that it was and kind of discarded the thing because I didn't have time to get involved in the project and then a few months later I saw it again and once more ignored it And the third time that it was brought to my attention was by a fellow that was actually in a program out of Freedom House, and he handed me the Star Ledger and circled 17 William Street. And I thought, well, I don't think that I can ignore that this time. I had called and I'd spoken to somebody at City Hall previously just to see, and the guy told me this building's worth $8 million dollars. And, you know, I got a little turned off by that figure. So when I got the third, the third little nudge, I said, okay, I can't ignore this. So I started a group and I got a group of people together and we meet, sometimes we meet twice a month and, um, down in Roseland in Blessed Sacrament Church. And we're putting together, uh, a formula to take to the mayor, um, development plan. And мы've just gotten incorporated. And rather than calling it the 17 William Street Project, which is what we started to talk about doing. We thought that that would not be significant to many people in recovery maybe so we called it the Works Project, after the Works Publishing Company, which was the publishing company that originally published the big book. So we meet and we're going to formulate a development plan and as of yesterday I think We got an in with Sharp James, the mayor of Newark. And we've been before the Historical Society and we're getting the site set aside as a historical site. If we do that, then they landmark the building or the corner and they will freeze demolition or auction of the building. So that's where we are. Right now we want to know if Sharp James is willing to give us the building And if we have to go for the nonprofit status, which would give it to us for a little bit of money and we would be tax-exempt, my idea was to raise the $83,000 that's owed in back taxes and just buy it because, you know, it might be a quicker way to go. So that's the point that we're at with the group, and we've got some significant people interested. and I've got people throughout the United States right now that are waiting for some development with this so we can start to pursue raising funds, and some of that's not even in this country. It's in Denmark. So that's where we are, but my thinking is all the information's over there on the display, and the original manuscript is sitting over there and so is the copy of the book that you've seen this morning with the red and yellow jacket. And just for your point of interest, which Fred didn't mention this morning, the red in the yellow are significant colors in a Hawaiian culture. They represent royalty and I often wondered if Bill W. took those colors. He was very fond of the islands And I wondered if he took those colors specifically because they donate royalty to the Hawaiian people and peace and kingship. So that's some of the information about 17 William Street. It's located on the corner of Treat Place and 17 William street. I've been through the building, it structurally seems sound. It's a rubble, a home for the homeless right now. boarded up, but it sits there. It's steel and all the flooring is intact. There are huge pillars, probably three times the size of these pillars that are in this room that hold up the structure up through the eighth floor. The views from the top floors, the seventh and eighth floors, are absolutely breathtaking. You can see the whole city, the planes taking off from Newark. And the big, huge windows. One of the floors must There's been a showroom at one time, a furniture showroom or something because it's got – and the windows on every floor are very large. There's about $5 million to $6 million worth of repairs have to be done on it if the building is saved. But I have a group of people together that really believe that if God wants this building restored, it's going to get restored and we'll find a way to do it. And if we can't, then at least we've historically cited the place and there'll be something in the sidewalk or a street sign that will donate the fact that this is a landmark to our heritage in AA. And the formation of every other self-help group that's come behind us. So it's quite a project. I only take one step at a time. get in to see Sharp James first, and then we'll worry about the rest later. It'll take care of itself just like anything else does. So I was on the sixth floor where the book was written. The interesting part of it, everything else has been gutted on the floors except that one floor. But there was a fire on that floor. Somebody must have been living up there. But the rooms where Bill wrote, the one room, the small room is there. It's still there intact with the walls up. It's very interesting that that one floor, the elevator shafts are still there. There's this it's just and when you go up to the roof which you can do you can walk through the whole building it's got two sets of stairs one in the back and on the front. This six trees growing up there so when we got to the top and we walked out the door and looked at these six trees and it was July and they were full bloom I said this has got to be a a sign that there's something living in this building. So that's where we are with the project, and I thank you. And if you want to sign up for any help that we need, the sign-up sheet's over there. If anybody hears this tape beyond this group, they can call 973-663-1062 and get more information. And eventually we're going to have a web page on the Internet. Thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, now during lunch, during lunch I heard a couple of things, I was asked a couple of things and we're going to talk a little bit about that because some people are starting to question the program that they're working, some people are starting to question the program that they are working with the people that are working with them and that's good, I got to tell you it's healthy. It seems that there aren't big book sponsors around the area, and that's good for you because you can be the first ones. So the main question was how do I get to be one? How do I gets to do this? And you get to do by buying tapes, not necessarily my tape, although that would be nice, although we don't make any money on them. But if you like what you hear here and you want to hear more of what you're hearing here, then go there and buy them, their tapes. Charlie and Joe are the guys you start with Charlie and Joe I suggest if you want to start that you start with the funny guys Milt Lewis one of those guys we got tapes everybody's got tapes start with the tapes and start listening to the book the book was written so you don't need a big book sponsor because there weren't big book sponsors so if you start to study the book you're going to be able to do what people did all around the world Pat and I were in Denmark this past summer and recovery AA is about 10 12 years old in Denmark that our guide was from Iceland and Goner is 18 years sober and AA Alcoholics Anonymous in Iceland is about 18 years old so it's new and it's just getting there and people you know when you announce that you're sober 20-22 years Pat with 28 years you know people do those oh you know things you know so but that's how it got there it was written down it was passed along and that's what this was designed to do so people all around the world picked this book up and began to learn what they needed