The Newcomers Under Five Years and the 10% Rule – Joe

Hi everybody, Joe Conroy. I am an alcoholic. 106 people had under 5 years of sobriety. That's huge, that's huge that you guys are here and I'm really glad you are. I counted you, I might have been wrong but 106 people under there and I think there's just under 1,000 people here, that a 10% rule right? It's pretty cool. I love being sober, I've been sober since January 1st, 1989. I'm a New Year's baby, I turned 30 this year and I have had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. I don't know if you guys know that even though I was left at the airport for hours And you guys don't have a very exciting Airport up here, I'll tell you that much Nothing even happens in TSA at that airport. I was like But I've met some people that I've known for years and I just never had a chance to sit and have conversation with them and I mean even the people I haven't met in the People that I that I heard stories about here is just move me I'm supposed to be the spiritual speaker if that's what you guys are expecting let me tell you a story about I spoke twice in Houston Danny once I was the spiritual Speaker on a Sunday morning and after the speak after the after the conference after I spoke somebody come up and said you know you were supposed to be the Spiritual Speaker right oh okay and I wasn't no you weren't and the other time I told Danny about this now if you haven't figured out I'm a Yankee I'm not from San Diego originally. I'm from Boston originally. I bottomed out in Boston, but I got sober in San Diego, really. I had my last geographic in 1988 right after Thanksgiving of 1988 and it was really cool. Oh, I also want to say that you had a lot of talk about teddy bears this weekend. A lot of talk About Teddy Bears and I don't know who put these things up here for everybody up here, but these little Legos and I put it together when you guys were doing the countdown. It's just just a little person giving a hug, you know. So we got the little whatever it is from Rogue Valley, you know, staring at me. I really love it. But really had a great weekend. And I hope I can talk about recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And I think that's a really key thing to say, seemingly. Seemingly is the word. I was hopeless when I got here. I loved drinking up until today, up until tonight. night. I was kind of obsessing on the Shannon's Pub right down the road here over by the hotel, a little joint called the Shannon'S Pub. The door wasn't open any time I went by there, but boy, I could smell it. I could smelt it. Drinking didn't love me at the end. I took my last drink on New Year's Eve 1988. I didn't know it was going to be my last, but what happened weeks before that that was I was talking to a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he 12-stepped me. I didn't know what that was going on. I told him I had a problem with drinking, and he 12 stepped me, and I didn t know what 12 step was. But he said something to me that has changed the course of my life, and I've never thought, I've ever forgotten about this. Now, I didn' t like this man at all. I haven't seen him since this time. I thought he was the biggest moron I'd ever met in my life. He was a comedian in Boston, and he just retired as a comedian. He was sober eight years in Alcoholics Anonymous. I attended a bar in Boston for years, and I didn't like people who didn't drink. And if you like that... And I didnít like people that didnít drink at my bar, and this guy would sit there and I didnít like him. But he said to me, he said, ìJoe, there will come a time when youíre done with drinking and if you ask some power greater than yourself for help, you will never have to take another drink as long as you live.î You know, that was not me. That might be good for you, but I donít have those problems, you know? I just wasn't ready yet. I just wasn't ready yet there was a guy in San Diego Gene Castle when I first got sober I don't know if you guys got any cranky old timers up here in Grant's past you probably don't you know when you're new everybody's cranky everybody's happy but this guy Gene Castle used to say there's only two ways you can come to AA drinking or done drinking and if you ain't done drinking I can't help you with your drinking I go, well that's profound, but it was really true, it was like, I was done drinking. And I remember the guy that 12-stepped me said, Joe when you're done drinking and you ask some power greater than yourself for help, you'll never have to take another drink as long as you live. I didn't believe it when he said it, but I believe it more and more every single day since I've been sober. I've had 30 years, I wish I could tell you I had 30 Years of Bliss, I got my big book, I'm a 12 and 12, and I got big print. I wear glasses, and I got big print, but I've been focusing on you guys' thing all weekend here, the first edition, the preface to the first edition. That little, we of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Seemingly. The main problem with the alcoholic sin is in his mind. I thought it was my wallet, thought it wasn't my job, thought it was the relationships, thought it was the family, but centered in my mind, I was seemingly hopeless of state and mind and body, which means I just had a perception that if everything else was better, my life would get better. It says in the big book a little further down, it says if we straighten out spiritually, everything else will fall in place. We don't suffer from a material malady, we suffer from a spiritual malady. If we suffer Suffering from a material malady, getting a job, getting a relationship, getting money. All that stuff would straighten out my alcoholism. But the spiritual malady. Ooh. Because we're going to talk about who? God. I was talking to somebody yesterday. I forget what his name was. We had a short conversation. When I was newly sober, somebody told me if I make I think if I resolve the relationship with the church of my childhood, I'll have a better understanding of the power greater than myself. I had a relationship with religion. I had resentment with religion, I didn't have a resentment with God. And I was able to go, I'm born and raised Catholic. My mom, God rest her soul, she passed away last year at 100 years old. She turned 100 on May 1st, and on June 12th she passed way. way. I was in the hospital on May 1st. They had a big 100-year birthday for her. I had a heart condition going on like my friend Danny here, and my life has been crap for a whole year. Crap. Heart condition. Two fractured vertebraes. Shingles. Lost my job. So I could be bitter and resentful, but something happened, and I think we heard talk about it this week in the fellowship of AA, which I didn't like. There's a lot of new people here today, and I know you're probably sitting here and you're doing your job as commitments, and I'm really grateful, especially you guys sitting against the wall. I'm very grateful to you because you can have some fun in Alcoholics Anonymous if you join the fun. You can sit outside there and smoke and vape and dupe and whatever the hell else we do outside there now. I don't know what everybody's going on out there, but you can miss what's going one in here. You can come into an AlcoholicsAnonymous meeting and you can puke all over the room and everybody will sit there and be really patient and gentle, and then you're going to get up and you're gonna go smoking dupe and fake for whatever else you're doing outside there but you're not gonna hear the solution to the problem that you have and the problem is seemingly hopeless I didn't know that I came in here with my answer I hated the people of Alcoholics Anonymous absolutely hated everybody I just didn't want to drink anymore and I wanted to be sober Sober. You know what it's like to be sober? Oh, how many people have you been in rooms? How are you doing? I'm sober. Have you missed the happy, joyous, and free? No, I haven't. I'm sober. Would you like to share? Oh, I would if they would only call on me. I got so much to say. Yeah, because I'm sober. How about Joe? Would you like to share? No, I'm fine. Just in the fear of riddles up inside of me. I was nine months sober and I'm going to a meeting and it was a woman named Grady O'Hare who was, she was talking and she was the most foul-mouthed speaker I ever heard in my life. And I don't know if I ever even heard her. I was 9 months sober and I had made a decision in the middle of that talk that I was going to go drink. I made the decision. decision. And I'm driving a 63 Ford Falcon station wagon. I didn't, I never went through treatment, never went though detox. I'm very rare from what I understand. I detoxed in this car. That was my detox was Casa de Jose. I am in this car for a week just shaking, just shaking and I'm still living. I wasn't living in the car but I'm still driving this car when I'm nine months old but I am really sober. Really, really happy to be sober, right? And I'm listening, and I'm in this conference, and people were like on the edge of their seats. The woman was foul-mouthed, but she had the most incredible spiritual message, which doesn't ring well. It's like, how can you be foul and spiritual at the same time? I'm not going to do that this morning so you can relax. But everybody was on the edge of their seat, except for me. I had made a decision to drink. So I'm outside. I left the meeting just a little bit early, and i'm outside, and trying to find my car. and I'm in this parking lot and all I found was like when you don't fit when you don't fit and I am looking for this 63 Ford Falcon station wagon standing there with all this stuff going on and I am angry and this boob came walking up to me you know the boobs that are really happy to be sober and they want to spread the message of joy and kindness and love and patience and tolerance and I am standing there with my arms crossed and he goes what's wrong on. I've never seen you before. What's your name? I said, it's Joe. He goes, what are you doing? I'm trying to find my car. I got to go get a drink. He says, what's wrong? I said I can't take this stuff anymore. I hate everybody. I hate the Fellowship of AA. This is ridiculous. I don't want to be sold. I I can't stand this stuff. And this boob stood there and told me his story. And I don't know how long it went on, but it seemed like it was a torturous forever. if you're new you know what that torture is forever and then he goes you drive a little Ford Falcon I didn't tell him I drove a Ford Falcon he goes yeah I go yeah he goes there it is right over there he says I found your guys how'd you know that he goes was my cars that one it was only two left in the pocket he goes how you doing can I you want to know I'm fine you want a drink no I'm good, man. I don't know what happened there. I'm telling you folks, it takes a second to change somebody's life. I didn't want God to send an Eskimo. I wanted him to send me like a tow truck. You know, I wanted something bigger than a boob. I didn' t want a boоб. You know? If he didn' st op, if he didn' stop, like you heard I wouldn't have been up here tonight. He stopped, and he goes, how are you doing? And I go, where do you go to meetings? And I say, I go here, and then he goes... Let me take you to some meetings. And he took me to some meeting where I found the music that I've loved in Alcoholics Anonymous. If you're going to meetings and you don't like the message, go to another meeting. It's not the meeting's fault. There's some bad AA meetings, trust me. I know there are. My friend Diana goes, goes, I've been to an awful lot of A-B meetings. I go, what the hell is an A-V meeting? She goes, I don't know, but it's not an A.A. meeting. And there's some crap going on in there, you know, and they're the happy sober people that want to share. I'll tell you how to be sober. I don' t know why I'm staring at you, but it' s fun, you kno w. You know, I didn' t know this was going to happen to me. I didn't know I was going to be rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence because I told you I literally love drinking I was born and raised in an Irish Catholic family six boys Kevin Bryant dry Joe John and Philip mom passed away last year at a hundred years old dad passed away when I was 12 at 47 years old he came home from that from from I always wanted to be a pilot I always want him to be pilot and I had two big cries over this week I had had a lot of them but the first one was when when danny's dad put his head on his shoulder and the second one was listen about the pilot stuff because it brought back my memories of dad i said dad i want to be he says i'm going to take you up on a plane on sunday we're gonna teach you how to fly god knows didn't you know he died on that sunday i found him dead in bed and uh i've never learned how to play i've learned how i've ever learned how Well, you know, but I need to get over that sort of stuff. I don't think I fit in anywhere. So I had this family of six boys, and I didn't fit in in that family. And Dad used to come home from work, and we'd all have dinner every night. We'd have dinner Every Night of the Week, and he'd sit there, and he would sing. We'd be upstairs doing whatever we were doing as kids, and heíd start singing, Jello, jello, good for you, jllo, jillo, good för you. And weíd all come walking down like little goofballs. we'd sit down at the table and you know everybody had their chair and we would sit and he made sure that we were all together we all had a fellowship and when he passed away all that music stopped and it didn't start again until I actually joined the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous because I came in here angry I came in there resentful I came here bitter I came near hurt I came in here grieving for something I didn't know I was grieving about and when I started putting putting these steps and these traditions into my life, something changed. And I thought it was you. I've got an inventory in the back of my book. My sponsor, we talked last week. He says, you need to write another inventory. I wrote it on the way. It's here in the back of the book. We're going to share it either tomorrow or the day. I continually write inventories. And when I was first new, the inventory was huge. Oh, my God. Oh they're huge. And they take forever. Now when you write an inventory, how long does it take? As long as it takes. You pick up the pen and you, you know, the best technology that we don't use in Alcoholics Anonymous is a pen and paper. We don't use it anymore. We use these goofy things. You know, we're all like, Jesus, can't I just, Jesus can't I just do it on the, don't you have an app for this? Why do I have to go to a conference for this, you know, give me an app, you know. There's something about that technology that separates me from you and I tell you it's crazy a couple of there's a there's the conferences ago I stood up and I go you know these things are ruining alcoholics anonymous I was on this alcohol ruin because every time you pick this up the meeting is no longer important and as I said that the phone rang I forgot to turn it off I'm at the podium and if and it was June G calling me if you know, June. And within seconds, June knew what had just happened from the podium. Within seconds, she says, I've already heard, Joe, I already heard. So it was like, well, I was trying to get everybody to stop doing that sort of stuff. But, you know,, along the way, it was just, you knows, when I was drinking, it was really cool. When I first started drinking, I literally had long hair, believe it or not. I had hair. I showed a couple of people my picture and I had just a mop, just a mop of red mop. It was just, it wasn't curly. It wasn't, it was just, and I used to pot it. You know when you ever see people that you pot their hair and it's really thick so it looks like this, you know. It just looks so stupid and I just wanted to be like everybody else to to be able to go like this. I could never, even when I went in the pool, it just went, you know, couldn't even do it. So I never, then the pimples were everywhere. You know, and then we didn't call it bullying then, we just called it being kids. They had to point out my hair, which I knew, and my pimples, which i knew all about. And I just struggled with that all the time. My dad found me, I was 11 years old, I think. I'm in the bed. Uncurl had just been created. I don't know if you guys ever heard of uncurl. It was this product that removed the curls, mostly for women. I'm sitting in the bedroom and I have this package of uncURL. And my dad walks in, he goes, what are you doing with that? My dad was as bald as I am now. And I go, I want to get rid of the curls. And he goes it doesn't work. I go how do you know he goes look it doesn't work I tried it it doesn' work live with it so it's just so I came in I came here I was a kid feeling different I was always a kid feelin different but then one day somebody gave me a bottle of Falstaff beer now that doesn't even be it's not even made anymore I don't even know when it was made but it was just and I had a bottle of beer and halfway through it I am feeling pretty good. Wow, I don't have pimples. I don t have red curly hair. Something, there was a bit of wit coming out of me. And I was 14, 12, I don t know how old I was but I ll tell you what, I couldn t drink much of it. Half a bottle and I m toast. So what happens? Everybody starts making fun of me because I can t drink very much. And I didn't know what a resentment was until I got sober. But from that moment, until I get sober, I had a resentment about everybody that laughed at me. And i'm going to prove to you that I can drink a lot. And I proved it to them. And it got me to the point where this guy said, there will come a time, Joe, when you're done with drinking and you have some power greater than yourself for help, you'll never have to take another drink as long as you live. Oh, I was done. My friend Melvin, I'm drinking with him one night and I said, Melvin I'm an alcoholic. And Melvin was a great thinker. Melvin passed away a couple of years ago back in Boston. He goes, Joe you can't be an alcoholic, why can't I? He says because if you're an alcoholic I'm not an alcoholic and I am not an alcoholic. Oh my God, thank you Melvin. I don't know what got into my head, you know, because it kind of started to consume me and And what was consuming me was the people in the comedy club that were sober members of AA, carrying a message that I didn't even know they were carrying. They were making something really attractive to me that I did not know was attractive. They were sober. They weren't sober. They were going, Joe, how are you doing? I did know how to answer that question. You don't ask me how to ask that question, why do you want to answer the question? They go, well, we know you're a little anxious. Well, I'm anxious because the bar is full. My God, I can't take care of all these people all by myself. No, this is something, is you okay? I'm fine, will you leave me alone? Don't sit at my bar anymore, go sit at the table. I don't want you at my barn, get away. And I would go into the cooler to get a case of beer to fill up the beer chest and as I'm back there I'm doing a little, you know, something, something just to pick me up a little bit and I'd come back out and I feel a little better but that would wear off and they would come back up at the bar and they Would stare at me. you know the alcoholic stare like if you need help I'm here for you man I'm really here for anything you want to talk about no no no and then one time I said you guys go to meetings they go yeah we go to meetings we carry the message of hope to people what hope and I was just full of contempt and I was angry but I was curious because it was attractive to me if they were were sitting there going, Joe, you ought to go to AA. But there was something about their demeanor, something about... And I go, how are you doing? Well, we're not making a very good living, but we're doing what we love. What? And you go to meetings and you don't drink and you help other people. It doesn't work for me. It didn't work für mich. But the one night when I asked Dick for help i said dick i think i'm an alcoholic that was a totally different conversation i had i hadn't i don't know if i fully conceded to my innermost self that i was alcoholic but i knew there was something wrong i knew it was something wrong and this alcohol had stopped working for me and when i said it to him and he went and told his story i don' t know how long he told me his story and then he said they'll come a time because it was a long time in between then i'm going oh my god this is just greek it's just greeks and he said there'll come a time and I didn't know when that time was and my response to his there will come a time was to move out of the city and the state and the east coast of United States and move to San Diego that was my solution God knows why, I didn' have a job I didn''t know anybody, I did'nt know what I was going to do I just got in the car with my brother and we drove and he dropped me off and I ended up in San Diego and then I called him six weeks later, my brother I said, Jerry, I'm an alcoholic. Man, I don't know what to do. I don' t know what to do and he said, dude, I don't kow what to tell you but let me give you my wife and he put his wife on the phone and little did I know that when she was a kid her dad was an alcoholic and she used to go to Alateen and she was the most wonderful woman up until that conversation. You want me to do what? And she was probably in in an Al-Anon slip because she went and called central office, and they lived up in Santa Barbara. I'm in San Diego. She went and called central office and said, get them up here as quick as we can. We'll have somebody help them out. So they got on the phone back to me and they said, Get up here and screw as you can. I'm driving this 63 Ford Falcon station wagon, and it doesn't have any rear main seal, and it poured oil out the back of it like it was just gushing. And this is 1989. This is after California California had a lot of smog, and they cleaned up the roads a lot. And I'm driving up to Santa Barbara, and it had this big old steering wheel. And I're driving this car, and I had to get Pep Boy oil because I used to get used oil because I have to stop every 10 or 15 miles and put another quart of oil in it. God knows we don't fix things. No, we just repair. You know, we're just like, I'll just try to work with it. So I'm driven up to San Barbara, and every once in a while the red light, it was just like the whole thing of my life. I'm not drinking, but the redlight is flashing. Danger, danger, danger. danger, danger. And I'd pull over and I'd put the oil in and I had to start driving again. The smoke would be pouring up the back and people are going by giving me the finger honker and the horn. Leave me alone. I'm going to get sober! I'm gonna get sober!" You know? And it's crazy and I got up there and I'm talking to this man named Howard in the central office. And he's sitting there and he's on a chair and he're rocking on a chair. And I'm getting really pissed off because he's kind of really nice. and I'm a little anxious and he says tell me your story I don't know how to tell your story it's almost like going to confession bless me father I touched myself 16 times it was a lot it was just crazy stuff and then he goes, am I an alcoholic? I wanted the stamp of approval from AA and he's just sitting here Joe I've been sober for 29 years and alcoholics know I'm 29 years without a drink and he says I just retired as a captain for Shell Oil Company, I was a captain on a merchant marine ship you gotta be kidding me I wanted to be a merchant marine I hate you and I'm sitting there I go how'd you become a merchant Marine he says I went to the Merchant Marine Academy oh you went to school yeah oh I'm not gonna do that I go how'd you get 29 years of sobriety one day at a time come on give me give me something better than that he goes well I go to meetings there's a meeting tonight the guy telling his story tonight at the Alano Club once you go down there he says like until you're scared to death what do you mean I'm scared I'm nothing meeting I'll go sure I love to I had no no intention of going to a meeting. You know that. I had no intention of walking in that room. And I went to the meeting last time. My brother Jerry, dude, took me to the meeting. And we get in there and it was the first time I was ever in a meeting and it Was like crazy. And there was a speaker just like this. And the guy started talking. I looked over at Jerry. He was a year older than me and he's sensitive. He's crying. I go, what's wrong? He said, this is unbelievable man. I go unbelievable is stupid. stupid, and he's crying through the whole thing. He said, geez, Joe, I hope you can get this, and then at the end, you know, they do the Lord's Prayer, and we didn't know that. If you're new, you don't know there's going to be circling in the room, and you're going to shake people's hands and grab them, and We're sitting there waiting. What's going on now? People are all circled around grabbing their hands, and somebody goes, oh, we go over there, so we go over there. And I touched the person next to me, and I grabbed Jerry's hand, and something happened. and it was like an electric shock went through me. It went through me. I think when one alcoholic reaches out and touches an alcoholic, it's even more powerful. That's the connection to this power we don't know. And I looked over at him and he's bawling again. He's bawdling! And I'm angry. But I'm feeling something I've never felt. I felt like a power come through me, through you guys. They didn't understand it. They Didn't Like It. But there was something so attractive about it. I kept going to meetings. I didn't go to a meeting all the time. I went down to Long Beach. I went to Long beach for meetings and for about six months. And I remember it was just, it was crazy. I just would go to meetings and oh, I hated everybody and everything. It was just not working out for me. And when that woman nine years, nine months old, but Grady always telling the story. And then Paul came into my life and Paul is still in my life. It's been 30 years and he is my best, I literally believe, he doesn't even live in San Diego. He lives in Sea Ranch on the northern coast of California and we talk all the time and I tell him all the things about me. I have a sponsor that knows all about me but your friends can really fill in when that sponsor's not there. When you can't, your friends, your trusted advisors, the people that you like, you have a home group. You go to a home groups for a reason, to be connected to home, to be connected to love, to be connected to LOVE. This is a great acronym for the love and I got to talk about it's L is listen. Listen to the listen to it sometimes for especially for the newcomers it takes forever to get to the point don't rush them to get to the point you can turn them around and walk them outside a room of alcoholics and almost they'll never come back like we were talking about there'll be a moment but if you can just listen to what they say and then oh overlook all the weirdness about it. Overlook the weirdness and these are even, you can do this in your regular, overlook, overlook. And V is value everything that's being said. Value it, value it, give it some, give it some gump. And the E is encourage. Dream bigger than you could ever dream an alcoholic someone. There's 106 people who are under five years of sobriety. Five years of Sobriety, Scott was talking about the tapes, Tom Brady Jr.'s talk on on emotional sobriety I heard in 1972 I believe. If you guys want, don't go home without getting that. He talks about five years menopause. Five years of sobriete. People are like is this it? You know because you come in here expecting something. You come in here for peace, right? But it's P-I-E-C-E that you're in here for. We're talking P-EA-C E. That doesn't work for me. But if you're in here for P-I-E-C-E, that's going to get up and walk away from you pretty quick. It really is. But the P-EA-C, that peace that's deep down inside of every man, woman, and child, it's covered up by pomp and circumstance and worship of other things. And those are the resentments. Those are the things we wish we had. Those are things... And how it works, we hear a lot of people come up here. I was talking to Pat about little pet peeves. I get a lot of little pet pees that people say. I'm going to come up here and share in a general way what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. And then Mr. Goofball comes up and goes, it doesn't say that in the big book. You know what I mean? It says it, I read it every time. I go, I know, that's what you think you hear. But it says we share in general way what we were like, what happened and what we are like now and my sponsor said, I want you to turn that into the first person and I tell you in a generally way what I was like what happened when I'm like there's a huge difference between what I was like and what IT was like. It was like, is the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. What I was like is the things that I get uncovered, discovered, and discarded in my inventory process. When I get my defects of character, when I can understand that I'm driven by a hundred forms of fear and self-delusion, that's a lot. A hundred forms. A hundred form of fear. Whatever that word is again, I lost it. Delusion, a hundred form is a lot, and it's just amazing. If you have somebody that you're working with that helps you understand those hundred forms forms of fear, those can come down to your defects of character. Those things that helped protect you from being a scared kid or a scared girl or whatever it was that you didn't get when you were a kid, those are the it things. If you focus on the it, that's the material life. If you're focusing on the material life to get better, it's going to take a long, long, long time. But if you focus on that spiritual life and you plug into some power that's greater than yourself, plug it in. Even if if it is the group that you're going to, even if it's this boob that walks up to you and says, hey, how are you doing? That might be your first connection to the power of God. Even if it's that time when my brother touched me, I was connected to a power that was great. I was so riddled with fear that I didn't know what fear was when I got there. I wasn't afraid to go into battle. I wasn' t afraid to fight a fire. But I was afraid to return things to Costco. Crazy, huh? I had a trunk full of crap. I was so embarrassed to talk about that in meetings. Anything you're not telling us, Joe? Jesus, I got a five-pound tub of peanut butter in my car that I bought at Costco, and I don't like peanut butter. But it was a great deal. Why don't you return it? Oh, Christ, what are they going to think of me? They're not going to thank you. They're really not. Oh, I can't. No, I can't. Can I show you the trunk? And they open the trunk and they go, what are you doing with the vacuum? That was a great deal. Why don't you return it? And suitcases, what do you do with suitcases? You're not traveling. Oh, God, but it was a good deal. It was a big deal. Let's go down to Costco and we'll return. Oh, Jesus, I cannot do this. Please don't do this to me. I cannot to it. And he goes, I'm going to show you something. And we go down at Costco. I just felt totally rejected because I told the story and I was embarrassed. But it was secret. it was a secret and i go in and he goes he goes says entrance and it says returns it doesn't say rejects says returns really so let's go in here and you return what you brought but how will they know they'll know and they go how are you doing good i have to return some stuff sure bring it up here how would you like that in a credit card or you're like getting cash I want cash what are you crazy let's go buy some snow come on let's get out of here we're terrible give us a little bit oh I'm going I'm going you know it's like wow yeah so it's just just that said that's the kind of fear I had that's kind of fear ahead and it was and I didn't know I had that kind of spirit until I identified with somebody doing the same thing I'm I'm doing. Talking about it from the podium of Alcoholics Anonymous. I can't identify with everybody in this room, and you can't identify with me. But if there's one person in thisroom that is just doubting that AA works, and maybe something I say, maybe somebody in that line this morning, or the line last night, if you were dancing, if you got snack bar, if your just trying to get a CD, if something somebody said that gets you a little bit of hope, we've done our job. We've done our job, and a lot of times we want the newcomer to do the job. The newcomer doesn't know what the language of the heart is. The newcomer doesn't realize that we're shaking hands because my sponsor said, I want you to go to the meeting and shake a newcomer's hands because you're driving me crazy. You need to help somebody. But the newcomers are nuts. I know they are, but if you go understand that they are nuts just like you now, go shake their hand and say hi and call them back. You don't understand. I got a job. Jesus Christ, you leave me alone. And you go and say, hi, how you doing? Good, how are you doing ? You look like hell. Oh, I hate this place. You do? Yeah, I hated it too. You did? How'd you get through it? Well, let me tell you my story, you know. And all of a sudden, you got two more boobs to the Fellowship of AA, you Know. And two boobs are always better than one, you know. So I don't know how this works. I don' t know. This is the spiritual mystery of Alcoholics Anonymous. This isn't a magic trick. A lot of people say there's a magic in AA. It's a mystery in AA why one alcoholic talking other alcoholic works why did Bill and Bob go to I can't remember his name now number three building number three why did that happen and why why was Bill D at that exact moment in time ready he was done drinking and Bill and bob who just wanted to be sober were carrying a message of hope so they would stay sober and then built built building number three they say he went on to be one of the greatest 12 steppers as well but he He was so anonymous. He just loved doing this stuff, and we all do that stuff. This is for fun and for free. We heard about Norm Alpey. If you want to get another CD, get Norm Alpley's stuff. Seconds and inches. He talks about seconds and inches, one second more or one foot over. Things could be totally different. If that boob Paul didn't walk up to me that night and say, Joe, how are you doing? And I responded with, I hate this place. If that did not happen, you wouldn't have me up here tonight. It was seconds and inches. I was desperate and somebody with a desperate finder was there that's who where's the desperate one you know it's like we come in you know there's a lot of people that just love being sober and there's people in this room that do not like being sober but I hope that after this weekend you actually get to the point where I think I want to love being soba because that's what it's really about love and service is our code it's our code love people not because they're alcoholic in spite bite of their alcohol, love them just because I love being an alcoholic. And be of service, maximum service to God and our fellows. Maximum to me might be not the same amount of maximum to these guys up here, but that's not to be compared. Your maximum service is what you're willing to do and be able to do to carry this message to some other person. The second person that came up here—I don't know if you guys know that—that was the guy that we asked if he wanted a ride to the meeting. The Second Person, the newcomer, two weeks, man. We stopped and we said, hey would you like a ride to the meeting but i'm going to tell you he did say no i like to walk and i can do some service along the way but i'll tell you something brother if somebody does from alcoholic synonymous reaches out and say can i give you a ride jump in the car jump in the car it'll change your life man don't don't be afraid because we we just love i love alcoholics anonymous more than i think i love my own silly life and it's i love it because i'm able to give it away for fun and for free. And we're all boobs, we're just carrying them as we go hey, hey can we get you over to the meeting? I'd love to man because it's just seconds and inches, it's just a moment and a moment will change your life. A moment will absolutely change your life. I forget how long I go to because I've got to get to the airport. How long do I, how long do we, huh? Okay, so anyway, yeah, where was I? Yeah, you guys and your boobs, yeah. My own life changed in Oklahoma, Hawks and I was because I really when I told you I didn't like the fellowship so what I did was I read a lot I read a lot. I've read all the history books. I continue to read allthe history books and I read non-conference approved literature It's okay to read non conference approved literature. Trust me My God People go what are you reading that for? Is that conference approved? Do you know what conference approved means? It's approved so they can sell it. That's really basically what it is. And I read a lot of stuff, spiritual stuff. And whenever somebody mentions something like the CDs that Scott was talking about, I hope if somebody gives you – and all we're doing is passing along what was passed along to us. I used to drive – when I first got over, I was trained to be a deep-sea hothead underwater welder diver, right? So I could make $200,000, $500,000. $700 million a year. I could making more money than I could ever make in my life. I couldn't get a job. because I had a really bad back. And I'm sitting in the meeting, and I'm whining about this. My sponsor said, why don't you go to the meeting and talk about it and stay? So I went to this meeting, and I was like, I'm just whining that I couldn't get a job because I could make $100,000, $200,000 or $700,000 a year. And then I went into this meeting and this girl sitting next to me, she says, I work for a company downtown San Diego that are hiring like crazy. It's a clothing company, and we'd love to have you there. I go, you know, I'm a hard hat, underwater, deep sea welder, diver, and I could make $100,000, $200,000 a year. She says they're paying $5.25 an hour plus commission. And I go, I need a job really bad. So I went down there and I got the job. And I started selling men's underwear on the phone. for two and a half years newly sober for a company called International Male M-A-L-E and they sold they literally, this company do you remember that stupid show Borat Do you remember that ugly yellow thing he wore? We sold those. And we sold men's thongs. You were one of the customers, weren't you? No? No? And I was like, oh, you guys, I can't do this. I'm an underwater welder, you know. I'm a hothead diver. Man's thongs. You've got to be kidding me. And for two and a half years, I didn't know how to stick around. I didn' t know how show up. I didn''t know how stay put. And I looked around this room that I was in, this boiler room, that's really what it was, and 90% of the people were in Alcoholics Anonymous. 90% of the people. We had a fellowship that I didn't crave yet, and it was saving my life. It was saving My Life. And about three years into that, I had a relationship that fell apart. And when I tell you I didnít like anybody, there were certain people that I ran into along the way that I liked. Boob number one and then boob number two was Denny that I worked with. I ended up working for, when I stopped working for the clothing company, I worked for the Old Globe Theater in downtown San Diego. I was a maintenance guy. and there was this guy that had really long blonde hair and he was really cool and we had a Christmas party and we're sitting there and he's drinking a diet, sugar-free diet Coke and I'm drinking a water and I go, you can't get much of a buzz off of that. He says, about as much of the buzz as you can get off the water and then he turned to me and he says, are you a friend of Bill W's? I said, I am. He goes, let's leave this party and talk and he became number two And Denny was just a crazy guy. This is the guy that went to Brooks Institute. He was a Vietnam vet that was, they hadn't really started dealing with PTSD at the level they are now. And Denmy was suffering from PTSD from Vietnam for years. And he would go ballistic, sober. I liked him for that, you know? And then he moved out of town. He went up to Santa Barbara to Brooks Institution to become a photographer and I hadn't seen him and I didn't know how and he contacted me. It was long before cell phones. There was no there was no way to get in hold of anybody and this one day I had a relationship grow breakup, and it was just I had no I didn't have a fellowship that I craved I was so angry and so separated and so isolated inside of alcoholics Which is a terrible place to be and I got in my motorcycle because I used to ride the motorcycle all the time And I says I'm gonna kill myself. I had literally decided to kill myself And I said if I go south I'll get towards Tijuana and the traffic isn't very heavy towards T1 or if I Go North I'll get towards LA and the traffic is really classic for killing yourself on a motorcycle. So I'm flying up five Flying up the road going like crazy in and out zip and trying to hit everybody and I go by this 72 Chevy Vega with this long blonde hair flowing out the window and Denny drove a 72 Chevy vega And I pulled back and I and I And I pulled back so he could see me. I had a full face mask. He couldn't see me, and he's giving me the finger because he thought I was yelling at him. And I put my shield up, and she said, Joe! Pull over! And we pulled over in the middle of the 5 North in La Jolla. He goes, My God, I've been trying to find you. Really? He says, Let's go to the coffee shop. We went to the cafe shop in LaJolla, and he goes, Joe, I can't believe this. Did you pray this morning? I said, I haven't prayed in a long time, Denny. He said,I prayed this morning that I could get in touch with you somehow. I went, what? I was going up to Brooks Institute in Santa Barbara. And I know your brother lives in Santa Baba. And I need somebody up in Santa Bravo that I could connect with. And I asked God to find you. He goes, how are you doing? I said, Denny, I was out to kill myself. He said, no, you weren't. You were out to find me. And it was just crazy. It was just, I Was about four years sober. And I never, and we sat there. He says, what are you killing yourself for? I said a relationship. He says oh Christ we all have relationships break up. But I said but not me. And the thing was I didn't want to tell him it was a relationship with a man. I was so embarrassed by that. And he did something to me that I, when I tell you it's the touching. It's the, he reached out and he grabbed my hand. He said Joe it's okay man. That's not going to change my relationship with you. and I just I said Danny I'm so afraid he said no you're not afraid you're alone don't be alone in Alcoholics Anonymous Joe it's the worst place to be alone and he left and I started joining the Fellowship of AA I started getting rocket into the fourth dimension of existence I started memorizing stuff and I started telling people they were saying stuff wrong I was starting to quote them that they were misquoting stuff and I started I like like Denny was saying I turned into a bleak and bleeding deacon for years. You know, I was right. And then when they knew I was right, I knew they were mad at me. See, and then I was even righteous. Yeah. And when you become righteous, nobody wants to be your friend, you know? And I didn't like you still. They didn't Like you still and then several years later when I was eight years sober, I'm sponsoring people and all this stuff and I'm still working. I was working at the at the underwear place and I got really sick, really sick. And I didn't know what was wrong with me and I was going to the Yalkathon, it was New Year's Eve, I went to the yalkathon and I'm just sick and everybody, you know we were talking about this, when you're sick, everybody has a solution. Yeah, keep them to yourself. It's like really, it's like, and I had gone to the VA and I was being tested for all sorts of stuff and they just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and I on New Year's Day my eighth birthday I got a call from the VA and they said Mr. Conner you've got to come into the VA you tested positive for pneumocystis pneumonia and we need to treat excuse me treat you right away and I got over to the VA and uh the doctor said how long have you been HIV positive I said I had no idea I was HIV positive she says we just gave you that news over the phone? I said, yeah. And then I went, Doc, I've been in sobriety and alcoholics and almost for eight years. And they always talk about surrender. And I never really knew what that meant until this moment in time. I said I want to live more than I ever wanted to live before. I don't know why I got this. I don' t know why this is happening to me. And she says, you're incredibly sick. I do' n't know if you're going to pull through this. I was really, really sick at the time. And I called Buss, my sponsor, from the hospital. I said, Buss. He says, how you doing, dude? Happy birthday. I said. Buss I'm dying. He said, you can't die. I'm giving you a cake Friday night at the men's meeting. I said Buss am dying. He goes no you're not. No you're Not. I'll pick you up even and we'll take you to the meeting. And I walked into the meeting there was a greeter. I don't like greeters. You guys have greeters? I don' t like greeter. I greet them but I don't like them because it brings back all my fear and all my doubt and I walked in and there was a greeter at the door his name was Steve, he says Joe you look like shit I said let me tell you about my week and he he embraced me I don' t want to say the word hug because there is a difference between a hug and an embrace grace. He embraced me, and he said, I love you. No, you don't. I love you, and I sat down with my sponsor. He said, how are you doing? I said, I hate these people, and in the course of the meeting that he sat down and he told a guy, and they're all looking at me. I didn't know what what love was until this happened to me. The embraceable love, the kind of love that rockets you into the fourth dimension of existence. And I'd get up there and I took the cake and I told the guys my story. I told them I was afraid to tell them I was gay, I told him all this stuff and it did not make a difference. It didn't make a different and I have to tell this story like Scott was saying, I have to tell my story, I don't have to tell a story, I could tell a story but I have have to tell my story and it's maybe because somebody else in this room is struggling with something like that you're struggling with a seemingly hopeless it doesn't have to be alcoholism after you're sober we struggle with seemingly hopeless states of mind and body and we do not want to let people in when you do that you will find the life that bill wilson calls is indescribably wonderful if you sit in here with your arms crossed with the best stay away look at me on your face you're going to get exactly what you're putting out but when you take your arms and you You put them down by your side, and you let us embrace you and bring you into the fellowship of AA and rocket you into that fourth dimension of existence. A rocket takes a lot of power to get off the ground. You do not have that power. You are powerless. But when you plug into the Fellowship of AA, we'll give you the power to go to the fellowship and we're going to get to those places that you want to go, those dreams that you don't think that are any... If somebody told you you can't do something, walk away from them. If you tell somebody you wantto do something and they say how can I help you get there embrace that person bring them into your life help them get you to that next destination that they'll help you get there if you don't let people know what you want to do you will get exactly what you're getting and that is no thing just let us know whether you're struggling with Alcoholics Anonymous if you dont like AlcoholicsAnonymous tell us don't leave AA and go to Shannon's Pub and say give me as gin and tonic because I just left a goddamn convention, and those people suck. But if you were to stand right here after this meeting and say that same thing, I'd say, well come on, let's go to Denny's. Denny? I don't know if you guys got Denny up here, you probably do, but I firmly believe that the Denny's has saved a lot of people from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. We knock it, yeah. That moon over Miami, man, try it, man. It's pretty good. And I believe that is really the stuff. That's really the staff. I'm going to read one thing out of the book and then I'm gonna shut up and then we're gonna go. We got a point. Oh, I had a thing, the members of you, if you've never seen this pamphlet, it's probably one of the best things ever written. in Alcoholics Anonymous. Let me read a couple things from this, too, because I think I got it. I'm okay. I got a couple of minutes, especially for you new guys. There's a widely held belief in AA that if a newcomer will simply continue to attend meetings, something will finally rub off on you, and the implication, of course, is that something which rubs off will be this so-called miracle of AA. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that many people in AA accept this statement quite literally. I have observed them over the years that they They faithfully attend meetings, faithfully waiting for something to rub off, in quotes. The funny part about it is that something is rubbing off on them. Death. They sit there week after week while mental, spiritual, and physical rigor mortis sets in. There must come a day, it seems to me, when every alcoholic in and out of AA finally sits down with the presence of his enemies. When he does, he will be amazed to discover that he is attending a meeting of one himself. self. The day the alcoholic in AA realizes that his enemy is within, that the tigers are largely creatures of his own design and lurk in his own unconsciousness, that is the day when for him AA becomes what I believe it's found is meant to be a flight into reality. I hope you guys get that if you're struggling with AA. If you've got time and you're wrestling with AA, there's people that have lots of time in Alcoholics Anonymous that are afraid to tell somebody that they don't like what's happening tell them let it out tell your sponsor tell your groupies tell your groove get another group change the group find the music that you love don't blame where you're at get rid of the word blame from your speech and thought be responsible for your recovery and you will never be disappointed with Alcoholics Anonymous I was disappointed in alcohol because I was expecting something from it when I started giving it to Alcoholics anonymous BAM I was rocketed into that fourth dimension of existence. It's really, it's a paradox that happens around here. And I'm going to tell you why it's a paradox. And this is the, this is The Promises that, and I'm gonna read it just a little differently to you. Since I was painstaking about this phase of my development, I was amazed before I was halfway through. I know a new freedom and a new happiness. I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I comprehend the word serenity. I understand the word word serenity it is p-e-a-c-e it is peace of mind it's peace it is joy of living it is all these things no matter how far down the scale we'll see i'll see how my experience can benefit others not my program my experience and i think there's a big difference and in that experience you're going to hear about my program of recovery you're going to hearing about the things that i do but that's my experience my experience is so powerful when i can share with somebody and that's called identification when I do those things. That feeling of uselessness disappears, and self-pity disappears. It does when you're working with other people, not expecting other people to work with you. Turn it around and turn and become a giver. I lost interest in selfish things, and I gained interest in my fellows. I sincerely started having conversations with people. Look at them in the eye and go, tell me your story. Tell me what's going on. Please let it out. Let me be a friend of yours. Let me become connected to you. That economic insecurity left me. I still have economic insecurity, trust me. I'm pretty bad about that, and sometimes I have to really work on it. And I intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle me. I told you about going to Costco. That was a situation that usedとbaffle me, what am I going to do with it? And then I realized that God who is doing for me is doing for me and will continue to do for me those things that I can't do for myself. That's joy of living. That's enjoy of living, but action is the key word. and I have to take the action to get to where I want to go. If I'm happy where I'm at, make some changes where I am at. I do prayer and meditation every single morning. I do it every single day. Every single morning, and I love prayer and medication. But like the prayers we were talking about over the weekend, the prayer from the heart, there's so many things I want to say, the prayer of the heart. The desert fathers that went out to the desert, these old monks that just, if you want to get connected, You're just like, silence, which is ironic. Here I am telling you a story, but silence is one of the greatest gifts you can give to somebody else. Silence. Just be there for them. Oh my gosh, it's just amazing what can happen when you change. And you change, you transform through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't transform by thinking about things. You transform by taking some action, one after the other, and helping somebody else, and my second sponsor said, said you don't complete 12 steps until you heard somebody else's fifth step I was like what yeah when you do that when you when you get that thing when you Get That Thing that somebody else doesn't want to give up and and you keep it and you never let it out it's called trust in Entrust we find love and when find love we find God we find sobriety and we find joy if If you don't think this deal works, please try it. If you do not think God will help you, all you have to do is ask. All you have got to do was ask. I am so glad that I was here this weekend. I found some joy. I found lots of love. And I hope you guys did too. And if you didn't get it yet, tell somebody. It's just pisser, as we say back home in Boston. It's wicked pisser to be sober. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.