The Higher Power Groove and the Michael Jordan Three-Pointer – John K.

Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-sunrise.com. Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. I'm John Kelly. I'm a grateful, recovered alcoholic, and my sobriety date is September the 4th, 1999, and I'm pretty darn happy about that. So is my family. So there's a lot of people who came in contact with me back in the day. We're finishing up. Before I get rolling, I was just going to say I saw Dino put the tape on. If you can't fix it with duct tape, it don't need to be fixed, right? That's pretty cool, man. That's my way of fixing up things. Just duct tape it. It'll work. Before I get rolling, I just want to say thanks to everybody here, because I know I'll get ramped up, and it'll be 8 o'clock, and I'll have to end quickly. So I'll say it now before it gets to be our 9 o'clock. Thanks, everybody, for having me. I've told Dino, and I've told a bunch of you in talking before and after the meeting, you guys are a pleasure to talk to. Thank you. We're all on fire, and they're getting fired up, and they're hearing the solution, and they're jazzed up. A lot of those guys that left, they had a whole bunch of new guys last night. And, man, if I had some change on me, I would have given them some change and said, shit, call your next of kin, man. You're done, man. Put those knuckleheads in your prayers. So we're going to end up 10, 11, and 12 tonight. So I'm going to get right into the book, and forgive me. You know, my sponsor told me early on, when I first got my first guy to sponsor, I had like 27 days of sobriety, and this kid asked me to sponsor him, and I called my sponsor and told him that information, and he said, well, you didn't tell him no, did you? I said, well, no. I said, I haven't even got a 30-day chip yet. He says, well, you're a good reader. Read the damn book. You can't screw it up. So that's why they wrote the book, to give us instructions, you know. So I'm going to start off on step 10. And we left off, you know, obviously, at 9 last week, and they gave us the nine-step promises. And I like to read this stuff on 10, and I'll make some commentary as we go along, because this is huge. I love this stuff. And the promises, I mean, I know we've got the little lampshades of AA groups all over the place, and, you know, y'all got them up on the wall, and it's got the promises, right? And that's great stuff, all right? But depending on how you count, in the first 164 pages of the big book, there's like 300-and-something promises. And so I don't want to just leave it to the nine-step promises. Those are great promises, you know, signifying we've had a spiritual experience. But here in step 10, there's some promises that you can bet your life on. And, you know, I spent a lot of years reading this book, not understanding it, and not understanding that this is what's going to happen if I follow these directions. So let's just get right into it. It says, this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along, all right? So they're not giving us any new information here. We already know how to take care of inventory, right? We did it when we took a fourth step. We know how to set right our wrongs because we've learned how to do that, right? So it's not new information they're throwing at us here. And it says, it tells us when we start our 10th step. It says, we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past, right? Now, I've got some friends at another faction of AA that will swear up and down. That the big book says that you can't have a spiritual experience until you make all your amends and you can't start step 10 until you make all your amends. And that's just not true. That's not what the big book says. The big book says, as soon as I start my ninth step, I must start on step 10. Why? Because now I'm living today, right here, right now, and I can't afford to let resentments and fears and all that stuff pile up again on me, right? So this is what we're going to do in step 10. And it says, and we do this. We vigorously, not a, look, I'm in a room full of vigorous drinkers back in the day, right? There ain't no teetotalers in this room. When we drank, we drank vigorously. So we know what that word is, right? And so it says, we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. It says, we've entered the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Look, I'm just not going to all of a sudden be understanding and effective, you know? I mean, it's just not going to happen. We're going to grow. And it says, this is not an overnight matter. How long do you do your fifth step, or tenth step? It says it should continue for a lifetime. So from that day way back when until the day I die, hopefully, I do a tenth step, right, throughout the day. And I know there's some misconception. The last discussion I'm meeting, like I've been to three discussion meetings since I've been sober, right? Three. I was out of town all three times. The third time was about four years ago. I was in Tulsa. And they were doing a big book study, right, our step study. And it was on step 10. And it was out of the 12 and 12. And not only did I not hear anything about the tenth step, it was crazy talk, you know? It's not in this book, right? So we'll break it down. It continues for a lifetime, right? Then it's going to tell us what to watch out for. Continue to watch out for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. So we know how to do that. We've all done a four step. Right? No new information. And then I love this. When these crop up. Not if. Perhaps they'll crop up. No, they're going to crop up, man. We're just, we're humans. That's life. Resentments crop up. Fears crop up. When they crop up, now they're going to give us precise instructions on what to do, right? So we ask God at once to remove it, right? We say a prayer. Discuss them with someone immediately, right? This is where I pick up the phone. Call my sponsor. My sponsor's unavailable. I call one of my buddies that's in the program that's on the same path, and I run it by them, right? Make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone, right? If I offend Jorge, call Jorge a bad name because we got into an argument, and I owe him an amends, I make amends that day, or as quickly as possible, right? Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Now, maybe that's somebody in AA. That's fine, but my sponsor tells me that means wherever I'm at. Maybe I'm at work. There's nobody in AA at my work, right? So I can help, right? So it tells me exactly what to do. Ask God at once to remove them, right? Discuss it with someone immediately. Make amends quickly. Turn our thoughts to who we can help. That's a 10-step. How do I do it? Throughout the day. Simple, right? I leave the house in the morning, 10 o'clock. Somebody hacks me off, and I say some words that I shouldn't say to another human being. I'll give you an example. I wasn't sober very long, and there's this guy that I work with. He was a director in the company. He's a knucklehead, right? We delivered high-dollar antiques. I installed artwork in all the fancy schman's houses in Dallas. That's what we did back in the day. We had a whole load going to South Texas. We had a truck, and you can't break it. I mean, you know, $50,000 armoires and stuff. You can't break them. You know, you can't damage them. At the very last minute, this guy throws a monkey wrench into the program and says, Hey, we need to get this armoire on, and it needs to come off in Waco on your way down there. The lady's waiting, and I'm like, it's not going to happen. Because I already had my instructions from the owner of the company. He says it's got to happen. So anyway, we go back and forth. I feel I'm right. He feels he's right. He throws a little hissy fit, you know. And I'm working with guys in the design district, so I'll let your imagination take you there. He throws a little hissy fit. He says some words that aren't too kind to me. And instead of me pausing, which I learned in the 11th step, I immediately retaliated, protected my turf, and told him what he could do with his idea. And I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, you know. As he walked. And I walked away, and I'm walking away, and I feel right, and I'm mad. Now I'm all worked up and stuff. And as I'm walking away, I realize I should not have said that to him. And my mind says, blow it off, screw him. That's what my genius says, you know. But I'm thinking, no, no, I need to call the old man on this one. And so I called him, and I let him have it, and he started laughing at me like he always does. And he says, you think that's the way he should be treated? And I said, nope. And I said, but I don't need to go make an amends to him, do I? And he's like, you know you owe him an amends. And he said, go pray about it. Go ask God to help you, and go take care of this immediately. So I went, did a little time out in the bathroom, went to this guy's office. Now, I mean, I was hacked off when I told him. And I mean, I guess when I look angry, I look intimidating or something. Because I knocked on his office door, and I walked in, and I thought he was going to duck under his desk, you know. And I proceeded to, you know, make my amends. Hey, David, I'm sorry we had crosswords. You know, I had no right to say the things that I did to you, you know. I mean, after all, you are a director in the company, and I shouldn't have talked to you that way. Is there anything I can do to make that right with you? And this guy changed. I mean, he started crying. But then he started to tell me, you know, I shouldn't have, you know, he had since, called my boss and realized that he was in the wrong and all this stuff. And it was all patched up. And I left to my own devices. I never would have done that. I would have blown it off. I would have been right. He would have been wrong. And that's the way it would have been. And we would have had a horrible working relationship. Instead, I trusted God, took the actions outlined in here, right? See, ever since the third step, my actions today show God I'm willing, how willing I am not to pick up a drink. See, I can rationalize this 10-step stuff. I can say, oh, yeah, I can say a prayer. And I already know what my sponsor is going to say. God wants to see me in action. I say the prayer, pick up the phone, take care of it. That shows God my willingness, right? Anything else is not a 10-step. That's a John Kelly step. And that gets me drunk eventually. You know, probably one of the biggest butt-chillings I've ever got in these six and a half years is this stuff right here. I think I told it last week or the week before, but I'll kind of refresh your memory. You know, I wanted to go. I wanted to go out of town to see my sister's kids. You know, when they come up to my mom's house, you know, I've got to see them. You know, my little nieces, they adore me and I adore them. And it's just great. And I finagled my schedule at work and got off that Friday so I could spend the whole weekend. Had no business taking off that week, you know, that week or that day. And, you know, all this pressure from work. I had to get some deals closed. They weren't closing. Just pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure. And I went out of town doing it my way. Get up there. Her kids are sick. They're cranky. I'm not feeling that great. I'm cranky. You know, finally by Saturday, I'm like, you know, Mom, I've got to go. I've got to go back to Dallas. Not once did I call my sponsor Friday. Not once did I call him Saturday. It wasn't until Sunday night coming home from 24-Hour Club that I finally called my sponsor and then told him the litany of stuff that was going on. And he let me get it all out. And then he just, we're on the phone. So if he were. If I were a person, he just kind of looked at me like my head was on fire, you know. And he says, who in the hell do you think you are? Like, you're some normal guy? Like, you could just let problems of, like, money and relationships, you could just let all those things just pile up, right, and deal with it. No, he said, you're not a normal person. You're an alcoholic. You're a chronic alcoholic. Your job is to do this 10-step stuff. You should have called me on Friday. You know, instead you waited 48 hours. He goes, God, that stuff like. He just gets you and me drunk. And I don't know. I wasn't, you know, sober maybe in my first year of sobriety. And I bet 98% of the days since then is the day I call my sponsor. You know, and I don't call him for every frigging hangnail and stuff like that. But, I mean, I'm accustomed to calling my sponsor. Lots of times it's just to check in on him because his wife is ill and they're getting on up in age. But the point is I'm in the habit of talking to my sponsor. And when resentments, fears. fears, worries come up, he's the first person I call. And I lay it out to him. God sees me in action. And I take care of it to the best of my ability. It says, love and tolerance of others is our code. Now, here's all these promises. Check this out. And we've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For this time, sanity will have returned. We'll seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as it were a hot flame. We react. We react sanely and normally and we'll find that this has happened automatically. I'm not even thinking about it, you know. It just happens. We'll see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. Now, I think back to all the other times, all those other 37 desire chips, all those other brief periods of sobriety that I had in the decade of the 90s. That never happened. It was always effort on my part. It was like, I wake up and the first thing I would think of is, how in the hell am I going to get through this day without drinking? And me trying to manage myself not drinking. Until that finally blows up in my face and I drink again. It says, there's no effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it. We're not fighting it. Neither are we avoiding temptation. We're not fighting it. How long have we tried to fight it? If you're like me, I tried to fight it for years. And I always lose. What... Avoiding temptation. I think in treatment centers, they call that making you a trigger list. Right? You got to change your... They tell you to change your playmates, play things, play, you know. Where am I not going to go? Or where am I going to go where I'm not going to think about it? Left to my own devices. I mean, remember Fred's story? What happened to Fred? He walked through a doorway. Now, how are you going to go through life? How am I going to go through life if I can't... If I got to think... If I got to think... Because Fred said he was on guard. His business had come off well. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon. And he walked through... He says he crossed the threshold to the dining room. That's a doorway. How would you like to put doorways on your trigger list? How would you like to put waking up? That was always the first thing on my mind. I mean, where am I going to go? You know, it says, you know, we could be on the Greenland ice cap and would, you know, be tempted by... You know, I told you, when I moved to Puerto Rico, I knew one person when I got off the plane. By the end of the week, I was like the mayor of old San Juan. I knew every shady character there was, man. You know? I can find it, you know, given my, you know... It says we're not even going to have to deal with that. It says, we feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We're neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. Through work and self-sacrifice for others. That's it. That's promises. Now, you think about it. If you go back to page 63, well, we're at the turning point or, you know, 59. We're getting ready to take the steps. I mean, I always do it from 63. Third step prayer, page 63. I just read the bottom of page 84, 85. I go from a hopeless state of mind and body to here in a matter of days. If you're freaking struggling in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you're struggling... I mean, one of the loneliest places I've ever been on this planet is to be in AA and not have a solution. That sucks. I can't live that way. Right? So, this is 21 pages of work. You just got to ask yourself the question. Is your life worth 21 pages of work? Y'all have read comic books bigger than that, right? It's pretty simple. It's not a long, drawn-out process. They say it early in the book in Bill's story. It says, simple but not easy. Right? And then it says, a price must be paid. You got to ask yourself the question. What price did you pay to get here? Some of us, it was pretty steep. Most of us, it was pretty steep. Damn near cost me everything I had. And then some. And a lot of your stuff. You can talk to my sainted mother about how much it cost me to get here. They're paying $30,000, $40,000 for a big book. Send me the treatment. So, that's what happens if we follow these instructions, right? The very next paragraph tells you what happens if you don't follow these instructions. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. Laurels, Greek for rear end. See, it's real easy. Later on, in a couple of pages we're going to read, it says we let God discipline us in the way we've just outlined. Right? How does God do that? By these steps. By these principles. Right? If we're trying to adhere to these principles, we get discipline. Right? If I'm not adhering to these principles, I get sober and I get some clean time under me. And my life starts to change. And I get the job. And my car's running again. And, you know, maybe I got a little something. Right? A little sweetie pie. And everything's rosy and everything like that. If I'm not following these principles, you know what happens to me. Right? Pretty soon, it's not what God has done. It's look at me. Look what I'm doing. Oh, I've done this for so long. Maybe, you know, I need to take the night off and go to a Mavericks game. And maybe I don't drink that night and I do it again the next time. And then the next time. You know, because I'm doing good. Right? I'm doing good. Y'all are all telling me I'm doing good. My family's reunited and everything's doing good. No. I can't rest on what happened I've done in the past. I have today. My job today is to stay close to God, perform His work well. Today, no matter what. Right? Other than that, I would be resting on my laurels. It says, we're headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. How do they describe it? They call it cunning, baffling, powerful. Alcohol. Lying in wait to ensnare. You know? Just waiting. Lurking. Waiting for me to slip up. Isn't that how it always happens? You know, like they say, these old timers say, you ordered your drink long before you had your next drink. Right? Yeah. Because I started resting on my laurels, thinking, look what I've done. Look what I'm doing. You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? Yeah, I ordered that drink a long time before I picked it up. You know? It says, what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And, look what it says. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. Every day. Not just our meeting day. It's easy to be a spiritual giant in AA, and come to a meeting and think of something snappy to say, and everybody pats you on the behind. but it's how we react in the real world. You know, we've got to carry this vision into all of our activities, and that's a promise in the 12th step. It says, these are thoughts which must go with us constantly, constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line. All we wish is the proper use of will. I'll go ahead and read this last little bit. It says, much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us. Now, this ain't in the big book, but I call this the God groove, you know? I'm getting up, and I'm saying my prayers in the morning. I'm asking God to direct my thinking. I'm out there. I'm out there helping other drunks. I'm being a contributor in my work. I'm being a contributor in my relationship, right? I'm doing these little things, right? And life just kind of clicks by. I'm kind of in that groove. You know, the only way I can describe it other than that is like I remember Michael Jordan. I think it was the last year he played. And because I remember the shot, they were in the playoff game, the NBA, the East Finals. They were playing Indiana, right? And Mike has an insane night. Reggie Miller's guarding him all night, and Mike is hitting three after three after three. And there's that one shot. Reggie, the clock is winding down. Reggie Miller's in his face. Mike's way behind the three-point line. Turns, shoots, and it is nothing but net. And the picture of Mike is this. I don't know. He's in the groove, man. See, that's how my life goes when I'm plugged in, you know? If I start fighting it, if I start getting frustrated, and I'm getting fearful, and I'm getting resentful, and all that stuff, it's a sure signal that I ain't in God's will. I start having trouble. Look, I was talking to. One of the guys before the meeting, he asked me what I do. I've been trading futures options on my own for the past couple years. I taught myself with my own money. It's an expensive business proposition, right? I taught myself. Sometimes I'd get frustrated. My sponsor thinks my head's on fire for doing it in the first place, right? I get frustrated, and I call my sponsor. This sucks. I've got to make a whole pile of money in this week, you know, to get what I need. And he says, look. You ain't in God's will, man. If God wanted you to be successful at this, it would happen. He goes, I'm not telling you not to do it. I'm just telling you that right now may not be the time. And I didn't like that. And I fought that for a while. Until I got to the position where I was like, you know what? I'm going to let it go. You know? I consulted with the hedge fund for a while. I got some other opportunities lined up. Maybe it'll happen. I don't know. I ain't fighting it. You know? There's a whole ton of opportunities out there, but there's only one of me. I know normal people, they have all those books. It says, keep trying, keep trying. Don't give up, don't give up, don't give up. My sponsor tells me that's not for alcoholics. Now, he's not saying that you actually just give up at the first sign of trouble. That's no way to live either. But if I'm doing my best and an opportunity doesn't work out, that might be the sign that it ain't for me, that I'm not in this flow, right? And then it says, step 11, suggest prayer and meditation. Now, you've got to think about it. Bill writes this. Remember how he felt going into, like, Ebby's meeting at his kitchen table at the end of November 1934? Bill didn't have too high opinion on God. He'd seen people gassed to death in World War I. People jumped from the towers of high finance during the stock market crash. He was a drunken bum, stealing money from his wife. You know? He didn't have a high opinion on God. But look what he writes in here. He tells us how to meditate. He tells us how we do this. And they give us specific instructions. My sponsor had me reading this, like, every day for the first month I was sober. He didn't want me to memorize it. He just wanted me to understand it and we would talk about it so that this stuff, this little template, this little concept here could be imprinted on my brain, right? I don't do this right now. I do it, I mean, I do it, but I don't do it right out of the book like I did when I got started, right? I've learned, I've developed my own way. This is what Bill, look, prayer and meditation. We all know what that, prayer is me talking, meditation is me listening. If you want to get, you know, some yoga tapes and some incense and some bubble bath and do your meditation, fine. Right? But Bill's going to give us some stuff. This is the 11th step. And it says, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Notice that word constructively. All right? So my 11th step is basically the catch-all for my 10th step. And I'm going to constructively review my day. I'm going to constructively review my day. I'm going to constructively review my day. I'm going to constructively review my day. I'm not going to kick myself in the rear end about, ah, shouldn't this, you're a loser. No, they're saying constructively, right? Good questions to ask ourselves at the end of the day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with someone or another person at once? So they're asking me, have I done a good job on my 10th step? Is there something that I need to call my sponsor on? All right? Were we kind and loving toward all? That's a lofty goal right there. Like my sponsor said one time, he goes, I love each and one of you members of my group. There's some of you I don't like very well, though. That's a tough one, you know. Traffic, traffic in Dallas some days, that makes Mother Teresa curse, I think, sometimes. Here's another one. Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Now, there's a tough one. I'm always thinking of me. I don't know, look, I know y'all are all spiritual giants in here, but what was the first thing you thought of this morning? The first thing I thought of this morning was, like, I got to pee. I'm cold. It was about me, you know. I wasn't thinking of you. I wasn't thinking of you. Or here's the flip side is, or were we thinking of what we could do for others? Now, there's another lofty goal. How am I, am I helping you? What can I do for you? What can I do for this person to make their life better? What can I do for this person to help them out? Of what we could pack into the stream of life. Now, think back while you were still drinking before you came in this time. How much were you packing into the stream of life? I was packing zero into the stream of life. I was drinking to live, and drinking was killing me. I was, life was blowing by. I was not doing anything for you. I was not doing anything to help me. I was, it was a blur. Now, they're saying, what am I doing? What am I, what am I packing into the stream of life? It's pretty cool stuff. Then it says, but we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, morbid reflection. Don't worry about that stuff, right? After making our review, we, here's the first prayer. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. We ask God to forgive us. And inquire what corrective measures should be taken. So here's a good chance to catch up something I didn't, I missed in my tenth step. Then it gives us instructions for in the morning on awakening. Then it gives us instructions for in the morning on awakening. Right, and it tells us we consider our plans for the day. Right, and it tells us we consider our plans for the day. Oh, I got big plans. How many of you had big plans and then you get the call from one of your protégés? How many of you had big plans and then you get the call from one of your protégés? My fifth step's done. Damn, I had big plans today. You know? It's the day after Christmas, my first year. 1999. The phone rings, we're all having breakfast at my mom's house. The phone rings, we're all having breakfast at my mom's house. The phone rings, it's for me. There's a guy at home we're bound. He's getting out the following day. Fifth step is done. Our fourth step is done. It's Christmas, I'm with my family. My mom's like, who's that? I said, oh, it's one of my guys, he's finished his fourth step. She said, shouldn't you go? I'm like, dude, I'll be there like an hour and a half. I'm like, dude, I'll be there like an hour and a half. You know? I'm working on my plans for the day. Hauled ass to Dallas from Gainesville. Heard a fifth step, hauled ass back to Gainesville. It was a great day. Alright? Here's his next prayer. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Right? A lot of, you know, I tell my sponsor all the time, Sponsor, I got a lot of good ideas. And he says, I'm sure you do, John Kelly, but I hadn't heard any yet. When I get a good idea, I run it by myself. sponsor you know a lot of times my bright ideas sound really good to me but when i run it by him he's like well god dang that's incredibly selfish you know that's incredibly dishonest whatever all right under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with all with assurance for after all god gave us brains to use and my sponsor said scratch that out that don't apply to you i'm honest i didn't just hear that from another speaker he told me that you know and it says our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane right if when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives now here's some cool stuff and thinking about our day we may face indecision we may not be able to determine which course to take so i'm still in the morning i'm considering my plans for the day right i may have something looming in the day that's causing me discomfort maybe it's a job interview maybe i got to go before the court whatever it is right here we ask god for inspiration another prayer an intuitive thought or decision we relax and take it easy notice where that's at in the morning in the 11th step we relax and take it easy we don't struggle we're often surprised how the right answers will come after we have tried this for a while so i gotta practice you know i may face in some indecision i relax take it easy later on down on the page on 87 as we go through the day we pause when agitated it's like one of the best five-letter words out there pause how do i react when something don't go my way i get in your face right pause can definitely shorten your tenth step i've found you pause at the right moments for a long enough time and you ask god for the right thought or right we pause all right keeps me from doing a 10 step all day long with the thought of god right we pause all right keeps me from doing a 10 step all day long with the thought of god just let's just keep the line open i'm out in the i'm out in the real world you know when agitator doubtful we ask for the right thought or action we constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show humbly saying to ourselves many times each day i will be done and i'm like a little aa robot sometimes i will be done i will be done you know sometimes i don't even mean it you know look i like this too it says we're then in much less danger of excitement fear anger worry self pity or foolish decisions and i had to think about that when i first got sober i i kind of backtracked and thinking how i was living before i got sober and it was all that stuff right there excitement fear anger worry self pity foolish decisions over and over relentlessly and i you know i kind of thought back to one of those days and it was always a struggle to kind of hide my drinking from you so you couldn't you know worried if i you know if i'm standing in line at tom thumb doing and I just reeking booze to the little kids behind, you know what I'm saying? Worry, remorse, morbid reflection. And I just would think about that, and I'm thinking, good God, that's why I was so tired. I was so defeated. Don't got to do that anymore. We're not that way anymore. It says, we become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we're not burning up energy as foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. Now, here's a short paragraph and a really profound one. It works. It really does. Got to try it. Got to try it. We got to ask God for some persistence, you know, and try this for a while. You know, I'm not one of these guys that, you know, I got to be at work at 8 o'clock in the morning, so I get up at 5 and got 47 meditation guides. That's not me. I got some stuff that I read. I got some prayers that I say. But more importantly, I just like to give God thanks. Thank you for letting me wake up this morning without a bottle of vodka next to my head. That's a frigging miracle, because that's the way I live, left to my own devices. I give God thanks, you know. I let him know how grateful I am that I have people like you in my life and my family back. And I just ask God to take away whatever stands in the way of my usefulness to him and to you. And I start my day. You know, sometimes I screw up and oversleep and rush out the door. You know, usually my day spirals out of control in a hurry, you know. Got to do one of those timeouts, go to the little bathroom at work or wherever it is in your car is good. You can do some good meditating in your car. Do some good meditating. You know, it's just practice. You know, we've been given a new chance and a new opportunity in life, so it's my job to practice these principles. Here's another miracle of understatement. We alcoholics are undisciplined. You betcha. So look what it says. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. If I get up tomorrow and try my best to follow these principles and call my sponsor and say the prayers and try to help you and be a part of society and try to pack what I can into the stream of life, that requires discipline. Me just running the show requires discipline. Me just running the show requires discipline. Me just running the show requires no discipline at all. I just do. Here, if I follow these instructions, there's discipline. It says but that is not all, there is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. Like I said a couple weeks ago, I can pray myself to the liquor store. I can pray, you know. You've heard about the people sitting on the banks of the Mississippi River, right? And it's flood season, and the sheriff comes by in his four-wheel, right? wheel right and they're sitting out on the porch the old couple he says y'all need to evacuate we got the floods are coming no no we're praying god will take care of us and he says y'all need to evacuate and they said god will take care of us we do you know we follow the book you know sheriff drives on to help other people flood waters rise now they're on the pitch of the roof you know and he or now they're up on the porch and he comes by and now he's in a boat you know and he says hop on the boat floodwaters are rising he says no no no we're praying god will take care of us he goes on down the river next time he comes by he's in a helicopter they're on the pitch of the roof they won't get on the helicopter because god's going to take care of them they're praying well hell the silly folks drown and they're at the pearly gates and they're kind of ticked off that they died and they go to saint peter and says we've been praying we were praying why did we die and he says my god i sent you a four-wheel drive a boat and a helicopter take some action you know you got to take some action you know it's all about action folks and that's what this right here chapter seven working with others they got a whole chapter devoted to the 12th step sounds like it's probably important right i'm so grateful for my sponsor because he didn't care what my little feelings were he didn't care if i thought i was shy he didn't care i said i was willing to go to any length to get what he got and he put me in the game he got me off the bench off the back row and gave me stuff to do stuff to read in a in a pro and he gave me the instructions for an out a program of living that has changed my life and i thank him for that every day you know because without him you know i'll sit on the back row every time you know and become a a guru and i'll die drunk it says practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity is drinking from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics just like we drank vigorously i drank intensively and this says intensive work with other alcoholics but let's just see in the big book in the textbook where they first mentioned it and i know one right off the bat it's not even in the real number pages it's on roman numeral 16 at the very very bottom it says this seems to prove that one alcoholic could affect another alcoholic and that's why i'm so grateful for this book it says that one alcoholic could affect another as no non-alcoholic could it indicated that strenuous work one alcoholic with another was vital necessary for life for vital for to permanent recovery hadn't even got to the real pages and they tell us what our mission is going to build story you know page 14 for if an alcoholic fails to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead if he did not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead he could not survive the certain trials did not work he would surely drink if he drank he'd surely die with us it's just like that bill by the way bill enters the hospital december the 11th 1934 gets out december the 17th 1934 and this is what he thought of my wife and i abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems i didn't have an experience like that in my last time in treatment bill did that's why we're here i'll come back to that page and it says it works back in chapter seven it says it works when other activities fail i'm going to try other activities you know bill tried i mean i can imagine bill 1934 he gets out of town's hospital he starts to get a little resentment or fearful or depressed or whatever and bill's like jogging around central park you know doing push-ups maybe goes to a movie you know he's got to go down the bowery and work with a drunk it saves the day right that's what happened to bill that's what he did right that's what happens in my life i'll try anything i'll go buy some new nikes i'll do this i'll do that i realize you know what i need to i need to be out where i need i need to be out amongst my people you know this is it says we've recovered and been given the power to help others page 132 be pretty sorry don't you think for me to get recovered to look up into the god of my understanding and say hey thanks pal i got it from here turn my back on you i don't know if you believe in karma but that's some bad karma right there it says this is our 12th suggestion carry this message notice what message they're talking about they're talking about this message as outlined in this book not my message not some friggin dr phil message not some therapeutic message not some inner child message they're talking about this message the message that they went to such masterfully detail to get in this book so we have instructions carry this message to other alcoholics you can help when no one else could who could help you who could help me no one except another alcoholic as soon when i was in treatment or in counseling as soon as i found out that they didn't do what i did to get booze my mind snapped shut whether that's right or wrong doesn't make a difference as soon as i realized they weren't an alcoholic the circle the wagons were circled so tight around my life you know if you weren't me you didn't know about me but who who who cracked the nut was my sponsor he'd been where i was at he'd been recovered and given the power to help me he'd been where i'm at i was at and now he was at a place where i wanted to get to you know it's pretty cool it says life will take on new meaning for me life will take on a meaning i got i had a perm i you know My group is the primary purpose group, right? And I found my special purpose, kind of like Steve Martin, you know? I found my special purpose, you know? You've got to go way back in movie history to catch that one. But look what it says. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss. Probably the coolest thing is this stuff right here. A, I did have a meaning in life. I got a purpose now. I was designed for the reason to do all those knucklehead things for all those years and to break all those hearts and create all that damage to get me to a spot to where I could rely on this power. And now that I'm relying on the power, now I can go out to this guy or that guy or that guy and these guys jump on board, right? And now, little by slowly, the fellowship that I crave develops around me. They're not talking about the fellowship, the fellowship, you know? I see a lot of damage. I'm out of their fellowship. A lot of gossiping, a lot of negative energy, a lot of stuff. What they're talking about is, you know, you look back at the history of AA, man, these cats stuck together. They had a common problem. They had a common solution. And they stuck together. And they were wildly successful. And we're not doing that as a whole today. One of the coolest, I mean, I got my first guy to sponsor right off the bat. That one became another one and another and another one, right? Constantly every day going through this book with a newcomer. You know, that's how I learned the damn book. Practice. And as we study the book in my group and as I'm studying it with my newcomer guys, my little prospects turning into protégés, these promises that are so neatly written in this book, these are becoming apparent that they're happening or have happened in my life. And to see, you know, I'm not able to do this. See, those little buckaroos, they grow, and those promises come into their life. That's what they're talking about. That's the experience you must not miss. There's this guy out, his name is Ben. Why they ever let Ben out of prison, I do not know. Ben was an angry, angry, angry, angry guy. Hated you, hated people. I met him in 96 at this little treatment center. We tried to get sober together, you know, at that treatment center. So here I am in 99, or year 2000, and I run into old Ben again. Ben sits in the back row, arms crossed, not a ray of hope in his life, you know. And he hears us talking at this little treatment center week on, week out, you know. And finally, after a couple of weeks, Ben comes up to me and asks me to take him through the work. And Ben was a slow project. Ben don't comprehend what he reads too well. So I basically had to sit down with Ben and take him through line by line in this book. And Ben started to work these steps. And Ben did a fourth step. Ben did a fifth step. And I hammered him. And during that fifth step, the little light bulb came on, you know. And Ben starts to change. And I'd make Ben, he didn't have a car at the time, and for a few weeks, and I'd take Ben to our meetings. And I'd stand out there with Ben every day. And we'd get there like 6.30, and we'd talk to every son of a gun that walked into our meeting. Ben, John, I hate talking to these people. Good, introduce yourself to every one of them, man. And we tried this, right? And little by slowly, Ben starts to change. Ben starts to change. These promises are coming in his life. For the first time in his life, he's got hope. And that's kind of amazing, right, in and of itself. But I'm sitting there on a Friday night. We just got through doing our talk. I've given Ben a ride to this treatment. He's in the center. And me and Myers do our little thing and all this stuff. And we're talking after the meeting. Guys are huddled up in twos and threes and passing out numbers and stuff. Myers is talking to me about something. And I look over, and Myers is facing me. And I look over, and I see Ben. Ben, the guy who doesn't like people. The guy who doesn't, he, left to his own devices, he'd kill us all, you know. And I'm not joking. But I see this guy. Getting out some paper. And writing his number down. And he has some little red books. And he's giving out these red books. And I start to cry. And Myers goes, what are you crying for? And I'm like, check it out. And Myers turns around and looks, and he's like, oh my God. See, that's what God does. You know. God's got a plan. You know, I don't look at these guys. I mean, I end up sponsoring. The guys I sponsored. They're just like me. Bottom of the barrel, end of the liners. Most of my guys come to me on crutches. You know, or wobbling. You know, barely detoxed. The book here outlines what we're supposed to do. How we're supposed to do it. It tells me precisely how I lay out this program. I don't go to a new guy and say, look what God's doing for me. Let me tell you about my spiritual experience. That's what Bill did in the beginning. Remember? If you read the history on it, Bill got sober. And he'd go down to the Bowery. And work with all these drunks. And he'd tell them about his hot flash experience in Towns Hospital. Now, how were you when you were drunk or hungover. And people started talking to you about God? If you were like me, your mind snapped shut. Theirs did. Nobody was getting sober. Bill comes home frustrated one night. And says, God dang, Lois. He was frustrated. And she says, why are you frustrated? She says, look. I'm out there trying to help these guys. Nobody wants it. And she's like, hello. You're sober. Why don't you go talk to Silkworth? And he goes to Silkworth. And he says, none of these guys are staying sober. And Silkworth says, what are you telling them? Tell them about my experience here in Towns Hospital. He says, Bill, you got the cart before the horse. You got to lay out the hopelessness of the situation. Give them a good case of alcoholism. See, that's what we do with the newcomer. I sit down with the new guy. The guy expressed some interest. I sit down. I find out all I can about him. It ain't my job to pat him on the back. It ain't my job to pat him on the back. It ain't my job to pat him on the back. I sit down and tell him, I'm going to love you in his sobriety. You just keep coming back, buckaroo. Doesn't say that in this book. It tells me I lay out the problem as I see it. I stress the hopelessness of the situation. I tell him about my story. This is where my 12-step, my war stories come into play. I tell him about the times that I've tried to stop and failed. He begins to match some of his inconsistencies with mine. Right? He's identifying with. And finally, before long, he realizes that I drank as much booze or more than he ever dreamed of. And finally, this guy with a good case of alcoholism looks me dead in the eye and says, You're just like me. How in the hell do you stay sober? Now I got him. Now I get to lay out the program of action outlined in this book. This man says he's willing to go to any length to get what I got. We make a decision. We make a commitment in step three. Right? That he's going to get off his rear end and do this work. And then I take him through the work. Simple. That's our job. But not only is that my job, it says in the 12-step that I've got to follow these principles in all my affairs. You know, I can't be the guy that goes, you know, I cussed out my girlfriend today, kicked the dog, yelled at my boss, but I didn't drink today and I'm a complete success. No, I'm a sober prick. You know? You know? It says. I've got to practice these principles in all my affairs. So that means at work with people I don't even know. I mean, think about this. We've all, I'm running out of time. I'll end on this. And then I'm going to read another promise. But think about your four-step. Think of the people, how many people you had on your four-step. Right? And I don't know what the last census was, but let's say the United States has 300 million people. Right? And they estimate that 10% of the population is alcoholic. Well, if 10% of the population is alcoholic and we all do four-steps, right, you look at all of our four-steps, right, way more than 300 million. You follow my drift? That means our lives as alcoholics touch everybody in this society. Everyone. There ain't, you go to the mall tomorrow and walk up to 100 people and there ain't, you won't find one that life has not been altered by alcoholism. They're either married to one of us. They got a kid. They got a grandfather. Somebody was killed by a drunk driver. They've had to fire drunks. Alcoholism touches everybody on this planet. So it's our job, it