Steps 4 and 5 – Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat – Part 5 of 25 – 2023 – Jessica S.

About This Speaker Tape

Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat - 2023

A man and a woman trade perspectives on the grueling repetitive nature of the Fourth and Fifth Steps treating the process less like a spiritual epiphany and more like a necessary brain rewiring. Jeff describes the 'drunk on resentment' state—blacking out while driving and having hour-long arguments with himself—and how a simple three-column list helped him see his father not as a villain but as a man doing his best. Jessica recounts her competitive drive to redo the steps multiple times just to keep pace with Jeff her struggle with 'frozen fear' disguised as rage and the absurdity of a long-term grudge over hot pink post-it notes. Both emphasize that the work isn't about shame but about clearing the 'yuck' to make room for a Higher Power moving from a place of self-reliance and 'gangster' ideals to a vulnerable shared honesty.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Set-aside prayer and opening silence.
• 4:45 Jeff discusses the 'vigorous course of action' and the simplicity of writing the initial list.
• 7:15 Laughter: Jeff describes being 'drunk on a resentment' and blacking out while driving.
• 12:30 Jeff reflects on the shift in his relationship with his father through the Fourth Step.
• 17:40 Jeff discusses the 'corroding thread' of fear and his transition from introvert to public speaker.
• 22:10 Jessica describes her 'broken brain' and the repetitive nature of the turnarounds.
• 26:45 Laughter: The saga of the hot pink post-it notes and office drama.
• 31:20 Jessica explains the 'sick man's prayer' and using a postcard on her desk to handle a difficult boss.
• 36:10 Jessica's experience with the sex inventory and the 'Chris H. workout'.
• 41:30 Jessica describes the Fifth Step marathon session with a sponsor who was petting her cat and folding laundry.
• 46:15 Jessica discusses the intersection of the steps and professional therapy to process trauma.
• 52:00 Jeff describes the Fifth Step experience with his sponsor, a college professor.