Show Up, Pay Attention, and Tell the Truth – Fr. Tom W.

About This Speaker Tape

Father Tom W. shares his recovery story with characteristic dry humor and deep insight. Sober since 1976 in Berkeley, he describes the confusion of early sobriety — not knowing how to do small talk at coffee, feeling safe only at AA meetings, and being convinced his home group was the only one doing it right. A pivotal encounter at an AA meeting in rural Mexico, where an old man on a dirt floor asked if they use the same 12 Steps, taught him that recovery transcends customs.

His practical program came from an ex-con named Gary: go to lots of meetings, don't drink in between, and don't use no dope. His therapist Leonard defined health as the capacity to work, love, and play — a framework Tom uses to measure his recovery. He describes the rhinoceros in the living room of his dysfunctional family, the terror of a fourth step, and how his sponsor Terry responded to his fifth step simply with 'both you and I need this program.' He shares how at seven years sober, grief and clumsiness arrived, requiring more growth.

His program distills to: show up, pay attention, and tell the truth.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:07 Introduction: alcoholic, drug addict, Al-Anon, adult child
• 1:12 Getting sober at 29 in Berkeley; no sober role models
• 3:18 AA meetings as the only safe place; a refugee from the storm
• 4:03 Every home group thinks it does AA right; Berkeley customs
• 5:01 AA meeting in London with tea; real AA is black coffee and Marlboros
• 5:19 AA in Chihuahua Mexico: dirt floor, same 12 Steps, same sobriety
• 8:11 Alcoholism as the rhinoceros in the living room
• 9:15 Act like nothing happened: crazy-making family disease
• 10:01 What does honest look like? Confusion about truth and morality
• 11:00 First AA meeting: moved by feelings but not done yet
• 12:02 Old-timers meeting in Oakland: nothing in common but alcoholism
• 15:01 The applause: people who knew what it meant not to drink since Tuesday
• 16:09 Gary the ex-con: go to meetings, dont drink between, dont use no dope
• 19:00 Not drinking between meetings: 22.5 hours, not 24
• 22:01 Depressants wearing off: rage, fear, and generic hostility emerge
• 24:02 Therapy at three months: connecting words and feelings
• 25:01 Normal is 98.6; therapist Leonard on healthy people
• 27:19 Healthy people work, love, and play
• 29:02 Learning to play sober: the beach in Alameda, fully dressed
• 32:07 Sanity means health, not thinking clearly
• 33:39 Chapter 11: for most normal folks, drinking means conviviality
• 36:01 The chilling vapor that is loneliness: the four horsemen
• 40:09 We have shown how we got out from under
• 41:06 Sponsorship: choosing James with three months more sobriety
• 43:03 Crisis calls to sponsor: what step are you working on?
• 47:05 The White Flag mens stag meeting; fourth and fifth steps
• 49:01 Fifth step: admitted to Higher Power, myself, and the floor
• 50:21 Sponsors response: both you and I need this program
• 52:30 Seven years sober: grief, clumsiness, and feeling fragile
• 57:45 Show up, pay attention, and tell the truth
• 61:03 One drink away from a drunk; desperate need of Higher Powers grace