Self-Love Is in the Big Book but I Kept Skipping the Pages With Roman Numerals – Bob E.

About This Speaker Tape

Bob, a retired Marine Lieutenant Colonel from Dana Point, California, shares his story at the 1982 NCCAA Fall Conference in Sacramento with nine years of sobriety. He opens with self-deprecating humor about his alcoholic personality — talking to mannequins and fixing backwards toilet paper rolls — before tracing his drinking history through military service. He describes drinking gin straight from the bottle while building a workbench, quitting golf rather than admitting he couldn't function at 7 AM tee times, and the day he told his Marine colonel boss to stick the battalion in his ear. That conversation ended his command and sent him to a Navy alcoholism treatment hospital at Long Beach, where a Seabee named Big John opened his first AA meeting by declaring himself a grateful alcoholic — a concept Bob found revolting.

Bob's story centers on a terrifying scene driving his family down the freeway after consuming a full quart of liquor, with his wife Pat screaming, his 13-year-old daughter Rhonda staring at him with contempt, and his 7-year-old Laura crying silently in the back seat because she was afraid her father would kill her. He connects this directly to his own childhood watching his alcoholic father fail to come home on Christmas Eve, and the conviction he'd made as a teenager — never drink like Dad, never treat my kids like Dad treated me — that he'd completely broken.

After treatment, Bob refused to attend AA meetings and became a workaholic instead, until Pat confronted him in their bedroom and told him she wouldn't live that way. He describes this as his first miracle — he actually listened. Through a Thursday night stag meeting, he heard someone ask "What is love?" and a man answered that love meant giving yourself to another human being without asking anything in return. This definition transformed Bob's life. He learned self-acceptance through his sponsor Yanni, found the courage to tell his father he loved him on his dad's 50th wedding anniversary, and kept telling him until the old man finally cried shortly before his death. Bob was promoted in sobriety, given command of an outfit three times larger than the one he'd lost, retired honorably, and rebuilt his family — celebrating 27 years of marriage with Pat, who once told a lawyer she was done but now calls Bob her best friend in the world.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and humor about his alcoholic personality — talking to a mannequin and fixing the toilet paper roll
• 5:00 Running 'I wasn't an alcoholic' gag through escalating incidents: kidnapping conviction at 16, crawling through Tokyo hotel lobby, drinking gin from the bottle in his garage
• 10:00 Quits golf rather than admit he can't function, then tells his Marine colonel boss off and loses his command
• 15:00 Checks into Navy hospital at Long Beach — meets the Navy chief who strips him of rank identity and Big John who runs his first AA meeting
• 22:00 Bussed to Monday night Big Book group in Bellflower, meets his counselor Clarence, discovers he became an alcoholic at his sixth meeting
• 30:00 The freeway scene: driving drunk with a full quart consumed, Pat screaming, Rhonda's look of contempt at 13, Laura crying silently at 7 — connects to his own childhood with alcoholic father
• 38:00 Returns to Camp Pendleton as a workaholic, refuses AA meetings until Pat confronts him in their bedroom and he experiences his first miracle — he listens
• 45:00 Thursday night stag meeting where someone asks 'What is love?' and a man defines it as giving yourself to another without asking anything in return
• 52:00 Tells his dying father he loves him — Dad finally cries; reads the 'Celebrate You' passage about self-worth and forgiveness
• 58:00 Promoted in sobriety, given larger command, retires honorably; daughter Laura's card and the family dog Booth as metaphor for unconditional friendship; closes with nine years sober on Halloween